tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26545414354954843592024-03-14T01:26:40.958-07:00whatcha ona bout girl?wave tossed guyUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger164125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-80438099988554542572014-05-11T08:58:00.002-07:002014-06-26T02:57:13.252-07:00lots of will, the last testament, and an end to the kids of soda<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJONCT5biZf1vCSuVhiY1fsi_IfI8oGawGjsJu7LSAMAZdgVGPsQx0bVH4JfVOytr0qzW1KmpLIsZjfSsGzZkn_p9HMQtWYJaZy6_UVafJ4RNzcoitiKagxijWP6Pyg5e89m3pMl2OPjGD/s1600/IMG_3179.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJONCT5biZf1vCSuVhiY1fsi_IfI8oGawGjsJu7LSAMAZdgVGPsQx0bVH4JfVOytr0qzW1KmpLIsZjfSsGzZkn_p9HMQtWYJaZy6_UVafJ4RNzcoitiKagxijWP6Pyg5e89m3pMl2OPjGD/s1600/IMG_3179.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Havent been thinkin bout bloggin lately..... i suppose thats good and bad. its bad that i dont have have any new crosses…….wait…....no thats a good thing. Well...maybe Im wrong…… its only a good thing...... nothing to divest...Ive said what I needed to to those that matter….</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">STEP 1 One great benefit of being in a good place is .... anybody who thinks otherwise can ....just kiss your ass..because their opinion doesnt matter........at all. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Underestimating me is your weakness...not mine.......:) .... I remain...a survivor and happily so...... been to HELL and back.....no shit..... Do I need to prove that to anyone....hell no. Lets see who is STILL content in 40 years.......really......big smile</span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">leaving all that shit behind was liberating on a scale you cant imagine.... imagine letting go of all the .....bills.........."mr logan that comes to just..... $500.........$130......$265" .....are you kidding!!!!!!? I dont have an extra 10 bucks!!!!.....i eat 57 cent pot pies.....cuz thats all i can afford after child support..............complete un</span><span style="line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">appreciation</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">...... a beyond belief greedy exwife...who just smiled at me when she got her check ......no...... "thanks for the money "...just "i think my husband and the kids will go out for a hundread dollar meal tonight "....... "I love a good meal you pay for.......while i steal your kids...oh and BTW theyll never suspect it." LOL ..... </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">SIDEBAR: I remember asking my ex why we had no money and said i wanted to see the bills. that month our LANDLINE phone bill was over $300!! she was calling her mom and talking long distance for an hour everyday.......ON THE LANDLINE! we still had her cell phone bill and mine to pay for! Im sure that was an easy $500/ month.........of phone bills ....alone!! Am I happy Im divorced??? You bet your ass.....</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #444444; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;"> Imagine giving up.......house payments....coworker bullshit......and I never have to hear another fucking word about who is running for president.....every fucking 15 minutes.....and how fox news analysists are confident the economy is getting better because of job growth is 1% better than yesterday...when its really the biggest pile of shit youve ever seen.......not having to listen to that crap ............EVER again???..now thats gold.....</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; line-height: normal;"><span style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;">you can call me angry........ ..nuts...... whatever....hahahahaha I sleep good.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; line-height: normal;"><span style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;">leaving that crap behind put 30 years on my life....youre on your own kids....oh sorry...thats not true... you have your mom.... :)</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #444444; line-height: normal;"><span style="line-height: 21.299999237060547px;">the tone of this blog entry might be salty but i have the biggest smile youve ...........ever........ seen. I wish the kids and i could have enjoyed it together. But Im glad theyre happy.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">The view here is wonderful....if your shackled life of mediocrity and hollow friendships dont soothe then maybe YOU got it wrong. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Its ok...ive gotten it wrong before too......</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">But that is the past.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Tomorrow counts.........tomorrow is all you have...... </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">so it better count.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;">Still think Im not all there??? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;">Are you really going to argue that point???</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;">Really?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;">Really?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;">I even get pissed off when someone tries to take advantage of me. And after having it done so thoroughly .........…yeah I get upset… ….and Im sorry but that is</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;">Normal.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;">Gonna argue that too?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;">Really?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22.719999313354492px;">Wait youre right.... Im not sorry</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">You thought that having your dreams crushed was no reason to get upset??????.. just ....."let god take care of it.......he can do anything........god will take care of all your problems......if you wil let him into your heart ....really......."</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">I will admit...thats a lesson i learned at the ........very .......last........ minute</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Im lucky....</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">I have new dreams..... ones that dont include..CRAP LIKE ... "the sign says$ 250?? " " oh im sorry you dont qualify..... its really $800... can you pay the total today? Mr logan?...." Uh.... can i kick your ass now or do I have to take a number??"</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">There were many times I wasn’t so sure I would out survive the abuse the world was shoveling out in over drive on overtime..</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;"> Now Everything is different... :) </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">IM A HAPPY MAN... :)</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Ive never been an early bird.... until now...</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Now I get up early.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Water the garden.....take my time....get to work early........its nice .........collecting experiences that bring a smile to my face.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Not things.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">And it feels a shitload better than busting my ass for a few that didnt give a shit that i was killing myself. Bottomless greed. I tell you ...anyone who feels good when they GO OUT OFTHEIR WAY to hurt someone who loves them.........WTF...who taught you that???? Looks like you havent learned a fucking thing thats important in life. Dont call me ....eve......r if you need ANYTHING.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">spend olive garden fun today...... we'll worry about tomorow ....tomor... er.....er....or….maybe not.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">True story. I remember asking my exwife. "when do you want to retire?" so i could plan....take care of her ...the kids....do what it takes to make sure we were all taken care of. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Her response?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">"I like my job....i dont want to stop"</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">typical... thats her plan????...what a fucking idiot</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">that was her plan....no plan at all......</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">with a big smile i can happily say .....you got what you asked for.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">wait...ah the circle of life</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">have a stroke and a smile....</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">or have a coke and a stroke.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Am I happy........yes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">sorry...karmas a bitch.......</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Thats fine with me cuz</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">I served my thankless time</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">and now.......</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Its your turn......</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;"> hakuna matata</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">did I warn everyone ...yep..beg....yep.....did they listen??? nope.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">But thats not a problem i have to deal with......</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Anyone who works in medicine for 30 years and still has no idea how to care for your body is a moron.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;"> Im sure you will give your kids great advice about.....uh......er........things like ...."oh the republicans are great"...what the FUCK would you know about politics??????</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;"> Im sure your plan is working out just great.......</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">good luck kids</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;"> my warnings were "wrong"..........ignored.....</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">"your dads crazy"....</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Really?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Parading around....begging people to listen to reason</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">...drumming the truth .....at the top of my lungs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">"cant you see what this will do?'</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">"dont you care about your kids future?"</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">"PLEASE!!!! .......SSTOOOOOPPPP!!!!""</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">LOL and i was the one made out to be ........abnormal</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">Have a coke.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">I’ll have the smile.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">we deserve it</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">POSTSCRIPT: Im livin!!! Finally!! This blog has been lots of fun... therapeutic in a way....but now i think its purpose is done........ I know ive said it before.........but I really dont think there is any more reason to spend my time with it...there is so much more for me to do in real life.......and I am truly excited to have that chance that i thought would never come. A happy life . Having been pushed out of the old one Its comforting to know it ended up being the best thing ever. I cant imagine ever having to return to life as it was before. And I wont. As a retrospective its good to flesh out the past, make sense of it and let it go. It just took a long time to say everything i wanted to say. Whether it got heard or not.....makes no difference..... Because I feel absolutely the happiest Ive EVER felt. ....all the time...its not the escape of a good movie........or lasts as long as a good meal.....or a good deal on something cheap at wall mart......and then....back to the reality of relentless work and relationships without satisfaction. EVERY day.....every few minutes....someone trying to destroy your heart...your kindness.....your honest intentions..... no relief from being drained and chased by EVERYONE. Keep that shit....hahahaa.....Im good.. malaki ngiti</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 21.773332595825195px;">masaya ako....totoo...... paalam! habang buhay!</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-28341743604374840082014-01-16T08:25:00.000-08:002014-01-16T08:25:19.396-08:00Wrestlin, dancin, and the tiny tool box<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
I will say Im a willing participant in this joust of self inflicted pain……to my own discredit…. Yes Trey youre a sooooper genius…..just …not very smart.<br />
<br />
I mean…how is it that Im looking for a dance partner and pick someone who is lookin for a fight? Either I gotta learn how to fight more or dance less. Kinda frustrating when you hear the music..….start dancing…….and then get punched. I gotta get a better agent.<br />
<br />
I gotsta rememba…..you can lead a horse to water……. but apparently you cant make it dance. Maybe that’s the problem. I thought they said hoedown…….. not…….. smackdown.<br />
<br />
But in the end its gunna be ok dude. Now, I can’t take credit here.<br />
<br />
I never knew<br />
I never knew<br />
that everything was falling through<br />
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue<br />
To turn and run<br />
when all I needed was the truth<br />
But that's how it's got to be<br />
<br />
Over my head indeed. Maybe so…...underestimate me and I’ll just…… swim underwater.<br />
<br />
When I was in 7nth grade I started wrestling. The sport was new to me but I liked the thought of one on one battle. I don’t back down easy. Lemme say ahm gettin old. I cannot remember this guys name. We were on the same team and in my first tournament we got matched up somehow.<br />
<br />
Fan…….tastic.<br />
<br />
This is the guy that’s been wrestling like……for…...ever. Everyone on the team is rootin for him cause hes the veteran ….I think he even had a moustache……which is pretty damn intimidating because I didn’t even have pubic hair at this point……my threat to him? A squeaky voice and 78 pounds of terror……..in tights. At this point I really hadn’t had enough experience to really know HOW to wrestle. As usual ……growin up like I did……..nobody showed me shit.<br />
<br />
I mean……I had seen wrestling on TV….souplexes…… ya know?........ toe holds and stuff…….<br />
<br />
My plan?.........if he’s holding onto me…get away…..and then …….uh…..grab him.<br />
<br />
I was literally shaking…………and sweating….. I didn’t know what panic really was……...but I felt like I was going to piss in my spandex. And this was BEFORE we started.<br />
<br />
<br />
All of a sudden<br />
<br />
THE WHISTLE BLOWS!!!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I am………the Tasmanian devil on crack. Im yellin and pullin…..im squeezzin and pushin…..<br />
<br />
I cant breathe….<br />
<br />
I cant see……<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I cant tell whether hes got me or Ive got him. Were rollin around on the floor. Were up……were down……This goes on ……..and ON…….till right before I was going to puke…….the whistle blows!<br />
<br />
I think……<br />
<br />
All I know is…I collapse and……were not tangled up anymore.<br />
<br />
I wobble to ma feet, crosseyed and the ref holds up my hand.....<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I WON????????<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Haha wait what?<br />
<br />
YougottabekiddinmewooowoooyeahmamanIwonIwonIwonIWON!!!!!!<br />
<br />
Cool dude. Its nice to make your mark. Later on that day the state champion took me aside and said. “You did good man…he was a good wrestler”.<br />
<br />
Yeah dude…. win some……..<br />
<br />
…….And lose some. I remember losing to some skinny guy that only threw ONE move. He landed on me and rode me the ENTIRE match. I couldn’t get away and he never tried ANYthing. I was pissed beyond belief but that’s the way it goes.<br />
<br />
I would later get the nickname clay pretzel.<br />
<br />
On the upside I’ve been playin a lot of guitar lately and think Im going back out to play round town. I’ll say it, even at the risk of backlash. Music’s been a better friend to me than any woman ever has. Yeeoooch….<br />
<br />
Seriously……. Before you think that reflects soooo badly on my attitude…..consider that its also a reflection of what partners have crossed my path. So Im sticking to my guns …its 8th grade love or nothing……..its my blog and Im not seeking consent on the issue.<br />
<br />
I definitely have enough energy for round 6. I like to win. One thing is sure…. When you take the high road…you don’t have to look UP to anyone. However if this is a fight……good guys finish last…..takin the high road alone sometimes doesn’t get me the dancing partner Im after. I may have to get home another way. Make room on the low road.<br />
<br />
And suddenly I become a part of your past<br />
I'm becoming the part that don't last<br />
I'm losing you and it's effortless<br />
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground<br />
In the throw around<br />
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down<br />
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves<br />
<br />
Bring it……….bring your best shot. You cant hurt me. You can only disappoint me. Having game is one thing……hell I got game too…..but when it’s the ONLY tool in your love box…… I think ill be changing sports…..…I kinda I do like a level playing field so if you bring fire to the dance………I might just surprise you with some flamethrower skills and save the dance for someone who deserves it.<br />
<br />
Underestimate me at your own risk. I WILL play the hand Im dealt so if I cant bring you close enough to dance up here….then a fight down there it is…..I love a good tune to dance to but make no mistake Im bringing a coffin and some nails so don’t try to bluff me. I know how to use them. Bury me? Not a chance……they’re all for you. Ill enjoy the music after you’re gone. Love? PASSUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-42204958824050985772013-12-21T08:53:00.001-08:002014-01-13T03:59:20.591-08:00the antwone fisher of men, the olive garden college fund, and broken milk<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Been thinking alot lately.... nothing over the top.....news wise.... im good.</div>
big smile. works a bit of a stress but im not really working....lol...... though dinner dishes need cleanin right??? i can live with that.....as should we all. we have to eat and things that get dirty have to be cleaned at some point.......or thrown away. At any rate make peace with your decision. Surely my exwifes attorney will agree. Send her a bill.<br />
I was watching the movie antwone fisher lately and a great line came up. "nobody gonna take anything away from me anymore". True that. Be forced to give up everything.... and you know what it means to be the strongest man alive. <br />
I have been that man.<br />
<br />
I am that man.<br />
<br />
I have a line of my own.<br />
<br />
If i treat you well .....respond in kind..........cut me off and you get nothing from me. If you forget my resolve i can remind you when you ask again.<br />
People dont always get what they deserve. Not always have i been fair. I know you understand. I can admit things dont always go to plan. I dont get it right my fair share.<br />
But i want my kids to know that i never wanted them to be without me. I never wanted to be without them. Some doors never close but i have no regrets not looking out my window to see that your not there. Thats your choice.<br />
<br />
Oh..... that wasnt your choice? <br />
<br />
I truely was not aware that the blame game had losers....and winners. You feelin me? Spin and doctor dont really fit well.......<br />
whose engineering was it exactly then?<br />
Be careful where you throw those stones. <br />
<br />
Oh.....im too late.<br />
<br />
well........<br />
No use crying over spilt milk. and...you cant put milk back together after you break it. <br />
Think I'll have some water instead. I understand people in hell want some.<br />
Ahhhhhhhhhhh. satisfaction....<br />
In fact im satisfied with that. really. Big smile. Getting divorced was one of the happiest days of my life. Sorry kids......ask your mom where your college money is....... or better yet you should have bought some stock in olive garden....ah the memories i paid for .....but didnt get.<br />
What my kids dont understand is that this was NOT what I had planned. When a woman wants a divorce because she doesnt want to be married to a man..she does NOT want him around her children. In front of them she says "they need their dad". Its a lie. when a woman wants the kids she does everything in the shadows to keep him from having a good relationship with them...because she might lose them if they have a strong relationship with dad......and she cant have THAT. So she smiles and says " its not me ..its the courts". So the kids automatically get brainwashed that dad doesnt love or want them. All the while she just shakes her head like its dads fault hes not here and shes sorry hes such a loser...while its all been engineered ......without the kids knowledge<br />
Do you know what i got for 12 thousand dollars/ year??<br />
<br />
nothing<br />
<br />
zero<br />
<br />
Oh...wait...i got a few kids who hate me .......and think i dont care about them.<br />
<br />
Plan B<br />
<br />
I have a new family......thats fair...my exwife has a new family...... <br />
<br />
I deserve the same.<br />
<br />
So i have a new family.<br />
<br />
I have my dreams just as you. And they live again and i sleep well. If you cant sleep you cannot come with my dreams... and i will not pay for your sleeping pills. Its a dream i had to wait for...Im sorry you werent there jordan and jennings.<br />
I have a new plan.<br />
If you set yourself on fire........burn. Wheres my glass of water? Im thirsty.<br />
Someone call 921!!!! hurry!!!!!! uhhhm .... 991? Oh crap...... is it..... 1800 i told you so?<br />
...big smile......<br />
kids .....call me sometime........Call me antwone........ fisher.<br />
If you detect some sarcasm and anger.....kudos ......your normal.......<br />
<br />
so am I<br />
<br />
Redeemed. Stronger smarter faster. ...and believe it or not....happier, unemployeed and no longer a us citizen....... with a different name. Boy the the things we do for love. Iniibig kita mahal ko....isang bago kapamilia...masaya ako sa yo at mga anak mo.<br />
A softer wiser heart? Yeah ........ big smile. Gots me that too. Being shit on makes you appreciate roses. Sorry the preceeding sounds like lemons....its followed by a good wash of tequila....i assure you. Truth is... i sent two roses this week... Im happy....so is she. hehehe<br />
And if i hear one more stupid dumb fuck who missed the point say "youre bitter ....you need to get over it".....please do the right thing and .......send my kids to college and make sure theres extra for the exwifes husband to have the chicken ceasar salad.........every month...... for the next 21 years.... or you can go to jail. You choose. You have a choice..... right???? Oh and dont be upset. Why would you be upset about losing your children? You shouldnt get upset about that..."just let it go."...... "just get another attorney". <br />
<br />
Truely my life has been happy...... followed by disapointments aplenty. But it has taken all that to recognize what makes life so great....... so sweet.....precious.....and happiness??? Its mine now. And you cant take it from me. You can only join me. sa iyo pa na ginib mahal ko. masaya nandito ka.<br />
<br />
POSTSCRIPT: would i welcome a call from my kids......ofcourse. I miss them very much and wish they would allow me to call. A warm gesture is always appreciated. However if your going to send me a text out of the blue asking me to pay for 40 thousand dollars of college ....... i would rather have heard the warm gesture in there .......somewhere. If not i think an answer to the question "Mom what did you do with all the money dad gave you?" better come first. <br />
<div>
POSTSCRIPT DEUX: The roses were a smash...... The love train doesnt get much concern lately....because everything is fine... big smile.....108 lbs of fire. Im happy. The roses are a hit. and nights are good. Now the bad news we will be separatated for a month for reasons i cant express.....and then we will see..... mmmmmm<br />
POSTSCRIPT TROIX: Some people dont ever want peace...no matter how hard you try to offer it. I wish my children the best. I am truly at a loss...and my heart cant break any more than it has but its amazing that they get so much pleasure from treating me like shit. Everytime....E V E R Y T I M E we have contact. OK......find someone else to punish... I quit. I remember one time my exwife said " i dont care about your financial problems".<br />
<br />
Really?<br />
<br />
Ah the the circle of life.<br />
<br />
All I can say is<br />
<br />
"I dont care about your financial problems".</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-26764650845645888412013-11-04T08:03:00.001-08:002013-11-04T08:06:29.671-08:00The alter of forgiveness, the cowardly lion, and the kings horses.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
The alter excuse me...altar.... of forgiveness …kind of requires courage and strength…some got it …..some don’t. I guess the thorns of regret are not enough against pride made of stone. No matter…..some choices you make ….others are made for you. <br />
The art of forgiveness then in my eyes is not a blanket of 7 times 70 …and justice for all…..always.<br />
Sorry life just doesn’t seem to reciprocate the golden rule.<br />
That being said there are some who deserve an apology. The ones who don’t…..well……wont get one from me.<br />
Mind you an apology and redemption are two different things. <br />
Redemption you earn…..…an apology is something you offer.<br />
Hindi pareho iyon. Iba lang. Naintindihan mo ko?<br />
Some people want the sweetness of apology …..but not the work of redemption….sorry…its not free…..just the apology is. The forgiveness just takes courage. The scarecrow was too smart to be the cowardly lion.<br />
Some things cannot be redeemed. I cannot change the past. No matter how hard you demand it. No matter how long you hold out for it. No matter how much pain you plan to weather or dish out. <br />
Like I said some things are choices and others….are not. I have spoken in the past of olive branches. If every olive branch offered is scorched with the need for revenge then…the olive orchard dies…..eventually there will be no more olive branches to offer.<br />
I confess I am guilty of turning my back …….yes…….sometimes. But not turning back. If its obvious to me that I have done all that I can….or that you are going to require me to do ALL the work…….or that your only plan is to continue to use me as a tool …….or a doormat for your abuse…… Yeah….I have no problem turning my back. did you expect anything different? Do I regret it?...........not in the least. I try but don’t always succeed. Doing the tango solo really cant be all that much fun….so yeah it might only take one to mess it up but it sure takes two to fix it…….if its fixable.<br />
Trainwrecks don’t really qualify. You derail love or trust and well…….. you might have to find another mode of transportation. Oh….you knew that already.<br />
The kings horses don’t do a very good job with humpty…..the men aren’t much help either.<br />
So what of it? You have past and pain and …then what? I guess you can live with the demons you spawn ………….or you can make peace. Pumili ka. dahil minsan walang magagawa. Ano gagawin mo?<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-8461965670021310142013-10-18T03:15:00.002-07:002013-10-18T03:15:23.937-07:00Relationshsips, broken family, and ears wide shut<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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ON RELATIONSHIPS<br />
Theyre fragile. <br />
Very<br />
oh......you knew that. Well...at least we agree. hehehehe. Im not sure why this would be such common knowledge......... and ignored at the same time. There is not much effort required to destroy a relationship....but it sure takes a lot of work to keep one from falling a part. <br />
Oh.....you knew that too.<br />
Beyond that point......it takes some humility and balls to put something back together after you screw it up. the words "I screwed up" is a good start. "what can i do to fix it?" is next. Kudos to anyone who got it.<br />
If you cant do that ..............there isnt a whole lot left to say. Seems your the only hard headed resident on prisonheart island. Kudos to you if you understand.<br />
Figuring out how to tear a relationship apart really doesnt require much brain power......or overtime. Making peace with someone .......does. <br />
Some people you cant make peace with.<br />
Oh.....you knew that one too.<br />
Ive always said no relationship is preferable to a bad one. Letting go of something toxic .....really is pretty easy..... Breaking something down isnt nearly as hard as keeping something together. Ever see those two people and wish you had what they had? I will admit.....its hard to get two unselfish people together. Truly I wonder why that is. I learned alot from the people in my life that did their best to suck the life out of me. Parents , friends, exlovers, coworkers, business relationships, and others. Users, abusers.....<br />
Oh....You met them too?<br />
I can tell you they nearly succeeded. <br />
Nearly.<br />
Big smile. I have a different policy and life now. Im VERY HAPPY. Fuck with me for your pleasure, policy or hollow needs and i will hurt you badly. Regardless of the cost.<br />
I know this doesnt sound like the person you are used to. Its the difference in stepping up and being stepped on. My good nature has allowed people to walk on me ...and you too im sure.<br />
<br />
I know you understand.<br />
<br />
But i am here because of what is ahead. Not because of the past. I am happy for what is ahead. There are so many mornings and nights to enjoy. Past shackles are just that. Is there a more valuable lesson?<br />
I'm sure everyone has their own fair share of bad relationships. Myself included. And I think it's fair to say that since you can't legislate goodness and the Bible hasn't worked for the last 2000 years that you must find another way to manage people who are not ever going to follow the Golden rule. Sometimes you can only fight fire ...with napalm. The new policy? Locked and loaded.......your 70 times 7? I dont espouse to being a thinkless moron anymore. You want blood from me be prepared to see your own. Thats why i wouldnt make much of a hostage in this part of the world. If i keep spitting on you , eventually you will chamber a live round. I learned that from my exwife. Shit on someone enough and they eventually give you what you want. Is this the line for sheep?<br />
Thats ok....the line for real men is empty. Im going over there. You wait here dude. This is the line for guys with no balls.<br />
I dont give a god damned fuck if you think this is irrational. Im not playing by the "give us your money, future and your soul and make sure you go along like everything is ok........ok?" ...law.<br />
I assure you im completely normal. Happy healthy and normal. Im just not wearing the "its ok to shit on me anymore glasses". The new "let me hand you your teeth" glasses instead fit just fine and i like them very much. Try me.<br />
In order to fix it you have to know what's wrong with it.<br />
Somehow Peoples internal barometer on give and take is busted. Which makes sense to me since I run into people all the time who are not self-aware or their decision-making process is busted.<br />
Maybe they just don't go into self check mode .....Or even know how to.<br />
However said there is a balance between give and take that HAS to be observed...... if you want to have a relationship with someone. It's a balance and it's only healthy if it is in a balance. If you skew too far in either direction then you got a problem. Too much of a good thing, too much ice cream, too much coffee, too much sleep. Okay so it's common sense stuff. If you are a giver and you give too much you're an enabler. If you take too much your .....not going near me. Im sure of it. <br />
Having a successful relationship is kind of like observing the rules at Christmas....... you have to give and it's okay to take but you can't do just one all the time. Having both is....true gold...and worth holding on to.<br />
Are the rules of Christmas really that fragile? The year seems pretty hollow if the rules of christmas dont apply the other 363 days of the year. Keep your compassion in a box and give it away once a year? Thats a great idea.<br />
Breaking something down is easy. What you do to make things right is really where the gold is. <br />
I have to share this punking. I just have to.<br />
a while back I met a girl and she was all gaga over getting my number so i gave it to her. Of course within in a day shes acting by text as if i am her savior and deeply in love. This lasts for about 4 days. I listen to her woes of abusive past husbands, how hard it is to raise the kids, and so forth. All Important info so i do my part and am attentive. On the forth day, I realize she hasnt really asked me ANYTHING about......me. .......At all. This is ALL about her....... Heres the rest of the conversation by text.<br />
She said....."So I took him back and then one day he just packed up his bags and left saying I can go find another."<br />
"Yeah next time you will be smarter. I have problems with a certain type of woman myself."<br />
"Really?"<br />
"Yes, I get involved with women who want free attention. they dont really want a relationship they just want the free attention for their ego bank. When it comes time to show up ....they disapear. But i dont do that anymore. Now I disappear."<br />
"So you need a promise?"<br />
"No. The promise is worthless. Promise promise promise. You actually have to show up in order to have a relationship."<br />
"You mean just be friends?"<br />
"No thats not what i mean.<br />
..... here let me show you. Why dont you get someone to watch the kids tomorow night for about 4 hours and come over?"<br />
"I cant"<br />
I reached over and ........turned the computer off. It was too perfect. Big smile. <br />
She had some weak one line attempts to contact me.......i never responded.<br />
Weeks later i saw her and she said "why did you make me cry?".<br />
I took a sip of coffee and walked off.<br />
One more......<br />
Im at work and this nurse walks up and says<br />
"blankety blank wants to go out with you"<br />
"Really?.....ok...ask blankety blank if i can have her number?"<br />
She returns an hour later with blankety blanks number. "blankety blank wants you to call her"<br />
I text blankety blank that night. Just general things....how are things? how was work?<br />
No answer.<br />
For a week.<br />
then i get a text.<br />
A WEEK LATER<br />
"sorry my phone wasnt working."<br />
Completely improbable but ill give the benefit of the doubt. so i text back<br />
"thats ok. Would you like to get together this weekend?"<br />
I cant. Im busy.<br />
so I wait till next week and text her again.<br />
"would you like to get together? If you tell me your busy i wont bother to ask again."<br />
right on cue the EXACT words come back<br />
"Im sorry Im busy."<br />
Next week about 50 nurses stop me. Seriously....50.<br />
"sabi mo sa blankety blank?"<br />
and my response was great. <br />
"no..... but tell her ill call her tonight."<br />
The next day again, they all asked "have you called blankety blank?"<br />
and i said<br />
"no ...but tell her ill call her tonight" and smile<br />
This literally goes on about 45 times ....and i always responded with<br />
"no but tell her ill call her tonight" and smile<br />
After a week the nurses started getting frustrated<br />
"I told her you would call her last night, ......but you didnt call her!!!!!"<br />
i smile and say "Tell her ill call her tonight"<br />
After a while they finally left me alone. I didnt feel bad at all. You want to play fifth grade? Baby I graduated from head games high school.....with honors.<br />
2 FULL months later blankety blank walks up.... out of the blue and ......says her first words to me.<br />
"i would like to invite you to my birthday party this friday."<br />
And I said.<br />
"Im busy".<br />
I may have mentioned im done with bullshit. Done...and happy to hand you your ass. Walang kawawa. Besides Im in a better place than i have been in years. LOL I bring my A game...i always have...if you bring your Mc B game, serve it to the guy next to you. <br />
.... I dont need a woman. The love train is about finding someone great for YOU! Need and searching have NOTHING to do with it. The love train hands out tickets to two people you cant break...... there is no coach section. Half ass it somewhere else.<br />
Oh ....you knew that TOO?<br />
My current squeeze is.....good....she makes me happy and when i see her smile i know its good. Not perfect...LOL........ jazz takes some time ......but her feet are so sweet under the covers.....sleep is good. Will it last? Maybe? No regrets. None.<br />
Personally, i am turning new corners and crossing new bridges all the time....much to my satisfaction. Sometimes that path is by choice.....sometimes i get pushed. Regardless. I am stronger than your black heart.<br />
I have accomplished many things here and owe much thanks for a listening and often bored audience. But my thanks to readers cannot be overestimated and i am grateful to have people to jaw to. <br />
This blog has been for many reasons. The most recent ambition was to let my children know about their father and to guide them in my absence. Instead they have decided to continue with the shallow and ill fated plan of "shit on dad so he knows how much we are angry" instead of trying to find a way to make us all heal..and searching for the truth........Im done with being the recipeint of such idiocy. I will not plead my case anymore. It is clear though that they want NOTHING to do with me. The last message i sent to my daughter was there was nothing left to destroy between us and and to take care of herself. I wish you all great fortune and emotional happiness...... join me. :)<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-24760306496087113032013-05-16T13:48:00.001-07:002013-05-16T13:58:02.065-07:00ON HEALTH<br />
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ON HEALTH<br />
Youre not doing enough. Period. I will confess...its a passion for me ..like music. Its hard to deny the benefits. Anyone? Anyone want to argue? <br />
The good news? its worth it.<br />
The bad news? Its NOT free....and its not easy.<br />
Fat people use the treadmill. They continue to use it. They continue to be fat.<br />
Becoming healthy and staying that way is hard. I get upset....unjustifyably when i see someone who has tortured their body for 43 years then think they can get on the treadmill for 20 minutes ...three times a week, eat MORE salads with low fat dressing and think they will lose weight.<br />
<br />
After three weeks they give up.<br />
<br />
Really? That was your effort? You spent the last 43 years gaining weight and think it will come off after three weeks? AND cutting out some snacks??? Really?<br />
Heres the math. 20 minutes a day...lets see that leaves 23 hours and forty minutes you didnt exercise. Twenty minutes/day works out to 1.3 % So you increased your workout time from 0 % to 1.3 %. If you do it EVERY day. Lets say its just 3 times/week. that means there were 4 days out of 7 that you DIDNT work out. That brings your effort to a blistering less than half a percent. And THAT was your plan? Fail. Clear and simple. <br />
I meet fat people who say "I take the stairs because it helps." Yeah....talk to any olympic athlete. "I owe this win to my trainer who suggested i start taking the stairs instead of the elevator." "Im using low fat dressing now". <br />
Working out is no different than any other commitment. Can you get through college with 50 % effort? How bout your marriage? Im sure your boss will say its ok to show up only 50 % of the time. Wash only 50 % of your clothes or tell your bank your only going to pay 50% of your mortgage.<br />
Its not a bad lesson to learn. Cliche completely....but its true. Nothing worthwhile is easy. Plan for it to be hard.......for it to hurt when you push....to drive you nuts when you want some chips..... To add an hour more to your workout. <br />
When I see someone in the gym on a machine with the minimum weight and their face looks like their watching television, I ask them. "do you look like that during sex?" If i dont see it in your face, your wasting your time. I grab the pin , add 30 lbs and they say .... "but thats heavy"...... <br />
"Oh.... You came here for the snacks....i mean the towels?.........the.......free CNN?" My mistake. Put the pin back to 5 pounds and walk away. Yeah Im not friendly when it comes to this issue. I have a shirt that says "shut the fuck up and train". and i wear it. Dont bring your doughnuts to the gym. Bring your nuts. <br />
Truth is ...it took a long time for me to understand what it took to get in shape and eat right. Which means you will have to do alot of work to get to that point too. <br />
Let me give you an example. Several years ago I decided to watch my bread intake. I was only going to eat dark breads. So every time I went to Wall mart I bought the dark stuff. Feeling good that I was doing the right thing. Turns out they bleach the dark stuff first, remove everything worth having and then.... dye it a dark color. So you'll buy it. <br />
<br />
Fantastic<br />
<br />
What a fuckin lie. .... But it gets worse. The deeper truth is a piece of bread has a higher glycemic index than a candy bar. Are you shitting me? A piece of bread is worse than a snickers?<br />
The best plan?....stop eating bread....... period. I didnt say it was easy....did I?<br />
<br />
For years I cooked chicken breasts in a george forman grill because you could see the fat just ....running out the side, disgusting.......and...... and thats healthy ....right? I was doing my part......being smart. <br />
<br />
Then I took zenical. <br />
<br />
The amount of fat it blocked.......blew me away. It was a plain chicken breast. No mayo. No seasoning. just a plain chicken breast. Can you get more boring or tasteless? surely it was ok by itself. The zenical blocked so much fat that the grill didnt ............I was shocked...and angry.<br />
<br />
Heres the moral. Eating the grilled chicken salad with almonds and lite dressing at Applebees is still....killing you. I hate to break it to you. I was the same way. I understand. ...and yeah it pissed me off. <br />
Being in shape isnt a part time job. People walk in the gym trying to figure out how LITTLE they can do. ...then they leave all happy that theyve done something. <br />
<br />
Wrong.<br />
People who really UNDERSTAND ...laugh inside when they see them walk out. They ALWAYS get the MINIMUM results. 1 pound? 2 Pounds? <br />
The point is to figure how MUCh you can do. How much can you physically tolerate? NOT....what can I get away with? <br />
Sorry.....its the truth...put the minimum weight on the machine and you will get the minimum results. And I ........absolutely............ lose it when you put the weight on and girls say "but i dont want big muscles."<br />
Really?<br />
<br />
Three reps and your going to explode with huge arms?<br />
<br />
Your worried about having TOO MANY MUSCLES? Being too muscular? Have you seen the guys in this gym? THEY ............CANT GET BIG....no matter how hard they try !!!!!!!!!!!!!! <br />
BUT.......the bottom line lesson for my kids is ........you better be prepared to work harder and be smarter than the companies selling you crap for food if you want to live a long and healthy life. Or you can have a coke and a smile....while it lasts.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-89567394674772605382013-05-13T10:39:00.000-07:002013-05-13T10:39:01.960-07:00ON OFFERING AN OLIVE BRANCH<br />
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Its nice to see the world ……..and then see it anew. Enough has been said of the past. <br />
And so its time to bring the good stuff. My kids deserve that….there are many things they need to hear....questions they cant get answers to......help they cant get because im not there. Support that vanished. Anger because they dont have the guidance they deserve.<br />
I can only offer an olive branch.<br />
Its a good thing. In the face of certain criticism. Being blasted. Being shown the door. taking your own medicine. Being called a hypocrite. <br />
<br />
Its worth it. <br />
<br />
Your character depends on it. What you see in the mirror depends on it. How well you sleep at night depends on it. So....dont worry...its not important. <br />
Dont offer an olive branch. Dont reach out. Make the other person crawl for forgiveness. Make them pay. They owe you dont they? Feel good .....youre right ...theyre wrong.....right?<br />
<br />
right?<br />
<br />
Offering an olive branch is nothing more than saying "i am willing to do my part to make something broken....heal." Offering an olive branch doenst say "you owe me" . You cant be guilted into it. You cant offer it at gun point. You cant point a gun to get someone to accept it. You cant give conditions for it. <br />
<br />
You just...................offer it.<br />
<br />
It doesnt hurt. It doesnt cost. <br />
An olive branch isnt 20%. It isnt "lets be civil and see what the other person does". An olive branch doenst "feel out where we stand". You OFFER an olive branch. <br />
OFFER<br />
It doenst come with conditions. Or commandments. Or demands.<br />
If you have the chance. Hold back. Dont give in. Dont appear weak. You can do it. Just suck it down. You can be strong and just ...........dont offer an olive branch. Make them work for it. Thats fair.<br />
<br />
right?<br />
<br />
Cut an olive branch and give it away. <br />
An olive tree has many branches. Givng one away gives you strength. <br />
Im not sayng trade punches with the devil. The devil doenst accept olive branches. He's busy on his knees being free. Do you want to be free ....or fix a relationship worth having? The one with the olive branch gets to decide.<br />
What will you do with it?<br />
Hold on to it ...or give it away? Im not sure but holding onto an olive branch really doesn’t yield anything. You have to give it away for It to have meaning and worth. <br />
Is that always the answer. I wouldn’t think so. For some…Im sure receiving an olive branch is just an open invitation to abuse, or use. I admit I have been guilty of not practicing what I preach sometimes. But that doesn’t invalidate that what I say is true. Make peace where you can. <br />
Besides…. I rather like olives…..let me know if you want any.<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-77283550616434278632013-04-20T03:09:00.002-07:002013-04-30T23:05:47.212-07:00warm snakes, house hunting, and the rubics cube master<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="GingerNoCheckStart"></span>Ok…….so now……<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>back to
bloggin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There have been a few iterations of my bloggyland.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Much said….and I am at peace with shouting in
the desert….if it be so……even kung mag isa lang.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the past whatcha ona bout girl was more
of a structured confession slash interesting departure about men and women
relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think its safe to say
those days are over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mission
accomplished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The love train is still
going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The true story of my life is laid
out for my kids to see the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Agendas completed and I am satisfied…..however sad for their loss…..and<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From now on if I have something to say it will more than
likely just…… stream out…..with less forethought…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>big smile</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I heard where 70 is the new 30.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That makes me about 24.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ok……. I can live with that……for now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For a 24 year old…there is much road underneath me….….fore
and aft.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A History teacher of history
has much to say…….my grade is questionable…..but par…… and I would be happy
with that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The snake says “trust me”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They all do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A snakes smile is
easier to see when you have been through history class.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I must profess I am seeing the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>lie much better than the folly that befalls
innocence and youth…..<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Snakes also say….”we are not all alike”…… hindi naniniwala
iyon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pasensya.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Patawarin mo ko pero totoo tunay. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ok OK ..some are Black with red stripes and some are red
with black stripes….either way they are<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>transparent….and their clarity…..crystal….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
trust is earned…and snakes ultimately……… even though they
work hard to conceal their lack of control ……show it…..for a
second…..always.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>MUDDS women for those
interested in a twist of silliness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The lover snake calmly offers where shes been …without youre
asking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She assumes if you didn’t see
it…..then you cant “know”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>History class says the sun<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>will rise…even though you cant see it in the
deep of night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t need to be there
to know it happened. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The lawyer snake is “only trying to help”…. Line his pockets
with your dreams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Robbery in plain
sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It takes balls to stab the man
paying for your meal in the back…… and call it a profession.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is easier for a bad girl to pretend she is sweet than a
sweet girl to feign a black heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>History has shown me both…..your mask is no longer any good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lie as you wish……but your belly will be
empty……</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am a snake charmer…..in the land of snakes I can be
nothing else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except to add the
obvious…..snake charmers need to eat too…..and if I am to charm then it is a
mistake not of my choosing because no snake will provide warmth and love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The land of snakes offers little in the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>warm sweet committed and loving
department.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quite the opposite.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is one more story I would like to impart….it will be
the last one…but a good one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have made
much of my exwifes endless capacity<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as a
moron……other times as just evil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here tis….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One day she walked in and said “lets move” .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think in anyones mind that’s a pretty big
undertaking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I agreed…we could do
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(one of her coworkers who was on the
same divorce plan (( fuck the husbands over, take EVERYTHING…….. then get a
divorce)) had just gotten her husband to build them a new bigger house).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So we started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every
night ……after work looking at houses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The conversations were all day and all night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What school was best?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Which neighborhood did we like? Which part of
town?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How much could we spend?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How much can be borrow?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How was the traffic?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How was the commute to work?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who were we living close to? Was it a safe
place?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The questions and brain power and
running around was exhausting…..i was so excited to be moving ahead with such
good family plans.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Finally after a month or so we picked a place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was big.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was expensive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We made the
offer and waited….and waited…..they accepted it and I was so excited!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I went to the bank and got the loan…..<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>which is nerve wracking enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All those papers and the waiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pretty scary to sign all that ya know??? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had to clean our house so buyers could come though…that
was nerve wracking….having to leave the house so people could come look……<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were moving in thirty days!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was exciting…we just needed to sell the
house and….</div>
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One day….we got the offer….it was the right amount. This was
it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Its going to happen! WOW!</div>
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All that was left was to sign the papers selling our house……
that was all that was left to do….nothing else…just my signature….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The night before I was to go sign…..my wife walks in and
casually says </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I don’t think we should move”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She said it a totally normal voice like she was telling you
that its raining outside.</div>
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I said …….“What?”</div>
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She responded” Yeah …I like it here”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“are you serious?????<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You CANT be serious?” </div>
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She didn’t even look me in the face…..just kept on walking.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“you mean to tell me………..that I have spent the last two
months looking at houses…..every night…..finally made an offer on the one YOU
picked out…..went to the bank and applied for a loan…got the loan….signed<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a contract on the house…put our house up for
sale….found a buyer…… and the night before your telling me you DONTwant to
move????<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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THIS WAS YOUR IDEA!!!!!!!!!!! “</div>
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All I could do was stand there and say it again…..</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“ARE YOU…….FUCKING KIDDING ME????<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>…..FUCKING KIDDING ME?????<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>THIS WAS YOUR IDEA!!!!!!!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I never even got an answer…she just kept on doing
whatever….. picking up clothes or something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was insane.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who would do
something so idiotic???<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So over the top
stupid???</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After we divorced it occurred to me what had happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Remember her friend who got the husband to
build the big house then divorce him?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Guess what???<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was on the same
plan!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except….my exwife<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>realized after we started that SHE was the
one who would be responsible for the house payment after we divorced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Interestingly enough…her friend LOST the
house after her plan backfired . she kicked the husband out a few months after
they got the house …..but she couldn’t afford it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People say I am bitter but that’s not true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just think my exwifes a moron.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was glad to get divorced.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had been used …completely….. every
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hehehe I would like to offer a story of my own
stupidity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can only laugh because
admittedly so….i<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>miss the mark sometimes
….wide.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Went to a friends house in 1985.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The guy was a genius….Really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He could do a rubics cube behind his back in
under a minute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was working with two
computers….had the covers off….parts lying around….. (remember this was before
the internet or ANY kind of network)…….<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I asked “what are you doing?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>he
said “Im trying to get these two computers to talk to each other”.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My response??<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“why
would you want to do that?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Big
smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boy was I dumb…….i was thinking
“that’s a waste of time…who cares?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Hahahahaha Uh…….. it’s the internet stoopid.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two years later ( still no internet yet ) I went to a house
he OWNED at 23 years old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walked in
one room…and there ……..was a computer on the floor…no furniture…nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Numbers just …….jumping on the screen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked “whats that computer doing?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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He answered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“automatically buying and selling stock for me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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He retired at 43.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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All I can say is………..awesome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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The end to all that rambling was really to set the record
straight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My exwife was a miserable
partner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>…a master of deception an
accomplished liar….an empty person…..<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>except she was full of shit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Im
sorry Jordan and Jennings….Lesson learned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The love train rolls on. OH And Ive lost 30 lbs of football weight and the six pack....is back.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-10984025600160911462013-02-02T03:56:00.001-08:002013-04-07T21:55:41.220-07:00The memory rewind, No more crosses, and the content goodbye<br />
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Every word of this is true and if anyone says otherwise they are a liar.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Big smile…….</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Things are well…. Remember this is all in the past…….a rewind of memories.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The world for me now is a much better place.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I have been through a lot.. and that’s ok… I smile as I type…happy ….content…..anxious for each day……truly.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Now I WILL take credit here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I will miss all of you…..and<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Im ………not coming back<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">ever<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">No Im not joking indeed. You see this is also the last blog entry. In time I may take up another cross. But for now …..Life is good… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Where was i?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Oh yeah…..My daughter had turned 18 and I was looking forward to it because I knew my child support would drop….and I could help Jen directly. Wrong…..Mary contacted child support services to keep taking out more money. I was devastated….again…… no discussion……no fact checking….just hand us more money because we said so. Wait….thats not exactly true. They didn’t ask for it….they just took it from my paycheck…however much they wanted…or guestimated …or felt like….just put a big number number down....he doesnt have a choice.. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">The fuck Trey department was not only putting in overtime with pleasure….it had healthy budget increases. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I called child support services and said….”uh my daughters 18….. child support stops for her. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">“that’s not what it says here sir”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Uh yeah… it does……how can that be??.....shes 18<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">“that’s not what it says here sir”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Maybe your not understanding…..you see …my daughters 18 years old.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">“that’s not what it says here sir”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I don’t understand<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">“that’s not what it says here sir”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Why do you keep saying that? Maam ..look at a calendar…. My daughters birthday is April 2<sup>nd</sup> ..this is July.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">“that’s not what it says here sir”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><br />Im starting to recognize a pattern here….god doesn’t like me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">That’s ok …I don’t think much of him either. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Jordan was very close to me...I miss him terribly. We had talked all the time and i mean all the time about what he wanted when it was his decision to decide where to live, we discussed every part of it …..all the time. Was he sure he wanted to come live with me ??? it would hurt his mom. It would be a big change for him. His mom could come and see him anytime she wanted and anytime he wanted to see her I would take him. This was the biggest decision of his life and we discussed it many many many many times. He never wavered he always said as soon as I can I want to come live with you dad. Six months before that was to happen….out of the blue…. he changed his mind. For the first 11 years and 6 months of his life he was coming to be with me without question…….and then…he ………<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">changed his mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Im not sure…..but I think <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I’ve had enough<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Give me a minute here<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">No …..im sure of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Ive had enough<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I had told him to be careful…that she will bribe him into staying. Of course she had and …it all worked……New dog….new toys…….i even warned him and we spoke about it often……he said don’t worry Im not going to change my mind. I had spent every day for the last 10 years waiting for this moment. At the same time the attorney I hired to help me with this decided that I should be paying more in child support. I was paying more in child support than any man I have ever personally met. It was insane. No one paid as much as I had to…at least anyone I ever met. The amount of money I was making was just over half as much money as I was before but the attorneys decided that I should be paying more. It was INSANE….I knew guys who were barely paying anything…50 bucks a month …which is too low…...not that I think that’s fair either. I realize kids cost money…and worth it too. But when you cant even afford to go get your kids for important occasions like birthdays and Christmas….or even buy them presents…… uh….somethings got to change. It was absurd…..and unbelievably hard for them….and for me. Everyone i approached to help me save my family did the exact opposite. I could have killed them all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Correction…..Ive had more than enough<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><br />I think I’ll just……find someone overseas and …….settle down. Hehehe that’s a whole other story…but it deserves some mention here….yeah….i almost got married…… but was saved at the last minute ….hehehe because ……you guessed it….she was cheating! (its funny she had the BALLS to tell all her friends I was cheating….to hide the truth….made up completely out of thin air) LOL its ok…..whew….saved this time!!!!!!…. my heart lives for another day……Big smile.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">SIDEBAR: i need to clarify things here i think...no she wasnt my soulmate..or a once in a lifetime catch...it was a connection..and i gave her the opportunity to step up and demonstrate she merited my heart.......she failed....quickly....so i recovered .....fast..no loss......she was just....a piece of shit.....in disguise</span><br />
<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"><br /></span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">back to the world</span><br />
<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Every attempt I made to get closer to my Jen was met with resistance and every chance that I had to try to get close to her she fought. Everyone would always say you can’t give up. I would tell them you don’t understand …..there’s nothing to give up on. Jordan was the last straw …..There was no more pain that I could handle and no more that I was willing to endure. All that I wanted to share and to help raise my kids was……. beyond gone. I remember dropping to the ground in the driveway sobbing to my daughter the day I moved out (her mother was smiling in the window…she had keyed my car the night before.) telling her that things will never be the same….and that I never wanted any of this….and the tears were for her…for what she would miss.… I know we both wanted things to be different. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Im not bitter… just incredibly sad. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I still feel good about who I am even though nothing with my kids turned out as it should have…there are still many things still left to do and hopefully one day I can share a relationship with them that helps them heal.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Neither of us got what we deserved…and all of us deserved better. I got nothing and my kids got my wife…. Whose greatest accomplishments were cooking broccoli and washing clothes …and she was a a pretty good liar...…. Good luck with that when things get tough and you need emotional support and good advice, or help in calculus class…..but take heart because she certainly is an expert at ……well….. I think I mentioned the broccoli. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"> I think we both got cheated. I predict they will have a hard life ahead. Of course my exwife will blame it on me…..hell I’m not even there …how can it be MY fault??? She’s the one with no parenting skills!!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">There are many other stories of note….love…..relationships, friendships…but perhaps another time. This process was more to set the record straight….before I get too old and forget things both good and bad. Not everything goes as planned. Ive had a good life and even though unlucky at times I want my kids to understand where they came from….and to know that they will always be missed. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I want them to know that I love them…more than they will ever know….that never changed …..and that will NEVER change of course even though we are not together. Im sorry that door is closed for us right now. I do not know when it will be open again. But one day it will. I promise. That day WILL come and it will take a lot of courage and forgiveness to get us there. I know you have much to tell me about how hard things have been, how angry and sad and upsetting all of this has been. Please know that I never expected things to happen the way they did……...that is a tough lesson …one that’s not easily overcome.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">… so I want you to know that I am waiting for that day. When you are ready to find me. I am proud of you both so very much!!! So be strong and help each other until then.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Life hands people many hard times….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Disappointments……<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Pain of separation from people you love….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Not much compares with losing your house, all your money, your best friend, then your soulmate and then.....your kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I have lost many things precious but there are people much worse off than me…..so I wish all of you good fortune and happiness…. I may not have been the luckiest …..but waiting for the love train…I am still….A happy man….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I wake up with good thoughts about what might happen today..…and tomorrow. I smile when I think about what might be ahead. Every day important…. antiaircraft fire at night kind of has that affect.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">No Im not joking<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Bring it…..paki suyo kunin mo isang magandang araw bago. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">POSTSCRIPT: Sa blog nang tapos na. pwede Pahinga ako mahaba panahon…….paalam mga mahal. Sinosuerte parin tayo…..malaki ngiti kasama sama</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFZ44C9ohqFb3VZLLdpJeciflZKAzq0WyXyizP8juxtxDc-3fr_aWMaUo47LWNpK3b0VUkAGfuwNH57J3kANCuxd0HQAolxPVUTvLjN0hRrTODwEsREh6a_FWIGKwZRBjQdhtXXGGckkzF/s1600/photo+%288%29.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFZ44C9ohqFb3VZLLdpJeciflZKAzq0WyXyizP8juxtxDc-3fr_aWMaUo47LWNpK3b0VUkAGfuwNH57J3kANCuxd0HQAolxPVUTvLjN0hRrTODwEsREh6a_FWIGKwZRBjQdhtXXGGckkzF/s320/photo+%288%29.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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.<img height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEip0Mr0hYl1rZU9G2HgmimAuSxW5hDib86rwtivZ9JxEA8tP3PnBlv7CaRU40fnhOeX2wVn503kYlxX0GT-Qt_iLrVGEaY7TrW8Om3D2R_aAJH2pySjd4u6deYg6yi4jtG-MfcPKZxWYNQo/h120/photo+%25287%2529.JPG" width="320" /><br />
POSTSCRIPT DEUX: This is my last will and testament. My daughter and my son should split my assets equally as coexecuters</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-24283229434107488142013-01-26T03:30:00.002-08:002013-02-03T05:41:42.145-08:00The bike built for two, a farewell to lotus, and the coming of….. Buppey man!!!!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6xQhCOmpOw-ybjVacu-FbZr-9ePRnsRQsqziscyIxugFjacMHuRLx0TUvFToFHICtHK45nRQN62iViIOam89EGsL0t7Ip_MC2djlUuA5AfDZfaByw1TTEeNT6fG-FG7N0sic5ekwfUo7j/s1600/treylogan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="118" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6xQhCOmpOw-ybjVacu-FbZr-9ePRnsRQsqziscyIxugFjacMHuRLx0TUvFToFHICtHK45nRQN62iViIOam89EGsL0t7Ip_MC2djlUuA5AfDZfaByw1TTEeNT6fG-FG7N0sic5ekwfUo7j/s200/treylogan.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Every word of this is true and if anyone says otherwise they are
a liar. I have to back up a minute….hehe…so
this posting is not in the right place…in time… so I have to digress because in
my old age I accidently skipped some stuff…..patawarin mo ko. Bear with me…hehehe I know it sounds like a
broken record….but the hits just keepa comin! Now I cant take credit here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Sweat beginning to pour down<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">My neck as I turn around<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Just get off this outing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">A farewell Swan song<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">See you know how turbulence can be<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">One more red nightmare indeed. I had to trade in everything to
pay off her credit cards. I was in shock…..there goes retirement. This
had to stop …..I took control of the bills and dug us out. It took all of
my investments…my retirement money, life insurance policies for the kids….all
of it ..gone. I let her have control of
the money back because she threw a fit…..and within a year…. she had done it
again…. We were deep in debt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I had a confused look on my face when I approached her ……asking
slowly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Do<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">You <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Not <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Realize <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">You <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Are <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Ruining<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Your <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Childrens <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Future?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">As usual she just blew the question off…..either A….. that was
part of her plan. Or B …she was
incredibly stupid.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Or C….how bout both<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">The plan???? Spend more than everything because I would be
responsible for her debt…after we divorced.
That plan was very thorough….and sadly a success. She would “hang in there” for the required
ten years that would allow her to collect my social security. And she did…..the divorce came three months
after being married for ten years…. Pure
evil.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I had to sell the lotus to pay off her credit cards ….again…. I
didn’t even have a credit card…and she would say every week “it’s almost paid
off, it’s almost paid off” I would see
the statements and it was a lie…Plain and simple.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">It got worse <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">every month. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">The lotus was an investment for my daughter’s college. But I had to sell it to pay her debt. I also had to withdraw all of Jennings
college fund to pay her cards off….again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Jens college money…..all of it…... Gone. Thanks Mary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Enough of that. Music was
still great refuge for me. I had written over 100 songs and even recorded
an album…I was very proud of that. My
son I think understands…hehehe at least I hope he does!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I remember feeling so good by wanting to surprise my wife and
bought a bicycle built for two with a baby seat and a baby trailer for valentine’s
day…it was romantic! ..so all four of us
could spend time together as a family.
My wife looked at it with disgust and said “why didn’t you just buy two
bikes?? “ What a buzz kill. On a good day a rock was better romantic
company. She rode it only once. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">So I took a job where I had to drive 3 hours roundtrip every day
but i would be home at night. It didnt help... My daughter was growing
apart from me and i discovered why my wife was cold.... She was having an
affair. I was crushed....I went from shock to numb. I
demanded She seek counseling for her brothers sexual abuse because I wanted her
to heal….because I wanted her to cope with her past…..just like a good partner should..I
said we would do it together….. I would support her….that didn’t help
either….turned out the social worker we got to help her …hatched a plan to help
her instead get me into counseling so he could make up what she wanted and show
the court that I was unfit…he would just ….make it up…. And then of course bill
me. While I was trying to help her…she was trying to find new and improved ways
of screwing me over. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I couldn’t believe what I was hearing….they were going to set
out to do it together....all behind my back…... the pure evil of it all . It
was worse than a bad dream……it was reality.
He called himself “santa clause”
because he was going to deliver what she wanted ….my kids. Mind you this is the guy I hired to help my wife
through being abused. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">And then we entered marriage counseling…. we took some
tests and i will never forget the results. The psychologist explained
them.. The results?? I knew who I was …..I knew who she was..... She didn’t
know who I was and…. she didn’t know who she was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I wasn’t surprised in the least.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">When I told the counselor what my wife was doing raising Jen
…..she said…. quote “you need parenting lessons Mrs. Logan”. I was a torn man;
my wife was destroying our marriage and poisoning my daughter. I cannot
count the times I begged her to please change ….</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">And then ….Jordan came. My wife cried she had gotten pregnant
because she said she ”didn’t want to have any more kids with me.” Jordan
though is a blessing. He is truly a fantastic boy.. he’s my buppie
man! ….make no mistake I still love my daughter….she just doesn’t know it. One
day I hope things will be different. But I will never forgive my ex-wife for
being so cold as to cry when she got pregnant with my son. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Our accountant messed up our taxes and I had to come up with 10
thousand dollars to pay Uncle Sam money he didn’t deserve. So I took a night
teaching job….. But Mary still spent everything and I had to get a loan to fix
it. Again….. heehe are you recognizing a
pattern here??<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My job was still hard…. driving
3 hours a day so I took an offer as a medical physicist in Roanoke. That way I
could be home all the time and the owner said he would sell me the business in
a year …….he lied. So i took a job at Roanoke memorial but home life was
proving to be more challenging every day. I had a wife who didn’t love me and
was doing one hell of a good job sabotaging our marriage and a daughter who was
unhappy at home as a result too. I will say those times were very hard
for all of us. I was increasingly frustrated at my wife’s behavior and my
daughter’s unhappiness. And I will admit my own part in all that. I
was getting angrier and angrier because nothing I did would work…..vacations…..
dinner out, expensive gifts and toys, trying to be patient. I truly
wanted to be dad and husband of the year…hehehehe so I was always working harder and harder to
do more…I thought that if I gave everything she would see …..I would still not
break or give up trying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The truth was….i worked on the
relationship…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">she worked on getting out of
it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I remember I used to rush home
every day and clean the house from top to bottom before she got home, to do my
part and ……not once ……did she ever say thank you for helping. Yet I
always told her thank you for cooking or cleaning or for anything she
did. So I asked her….”doing all this work around the house doesn’t make a
difference in our relationship does it?” Without hesitating she said “no”.
I stopped doing anything around the house immediately. Ill never forget
it. She was so used to walking in to a spotless house after work. I would
rush home and literally run through the house doing as much as I could before
she got home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;"> The next day I touched nothing and the house
was a disaster. She walked in and I just stood there waiting for her
reaction. She looked around and then
looked at me like she could just kill me. That’s about the time she said,
and I remember it word for word “ I wish you would hurry up and die like your
dad should have done 10 years ago”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My wife was the one who told me
not to let my own dad come around anymore. He and I didn’t have a great
relationship anyway …but I had to please her and so he wasn’t welcome anymore
…to satisfy her. I will always regret
that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I have to say in full disclosure
and truthfulness…that my spirit was breaking down. I couldn’t smile anymore about what the
future held for my family….and it showed.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For my son: Listen to jeff becks
song called led boots…. Jeff beck played
with jimmy page before led zeppelin formed…..Also catch “take if off the top”
by the Dixie dregs. I miss you very much
and hopefully we can talk soon!!!! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For my daughter: Your mom and dad love you. I think about you all the time. Im sorry you never got the dad you
wanted. But it was not my fault. Am I pointing a finger at your mom. You bet..our failed marriage was 99% her
fault and I will be happy to admit my 1%.
Am I wrong about other things???
Yes I have made plenty of mistakes…..Saying “I’m sorry” has never really
been hard for me to say. And you deserve
to hear that. Your daddy still loves you and I’m sorry.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One more red nightmare<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Bring it……..bring the
truth. Im not looking for pity or
sympathy. On the contrary Im glad my marriage was finally over. It taught me a lot. Hardship is a great teacher. It made me get up……..stronger. (man…. I miss football). My heart is still open…..very much so….and
yours should be too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">POSTSCRIPT: Does this paint my
ex in a bad light???? Since every word
of this is true… I don’t care. But I have been labeled as the bad
father….and I want the record straight about who did what. Do I have my mistakes?? You bet.
I have my regrets…but I also have my dreams and wishes…...big
smile…..did I mention you have to work pretty hard to kill me?????.... the love
train rolls on……..</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-17041920914995910772013-01-23T03:24:00.001-08:002013-01-23T04:07:38.825-08:00The luck department, the one month job, and the LAST lawyer…ever<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw8yVi0SRZObVaKiTDguDvKLikeJzZEe1jrICP09z_c9fhFpUTUBueujVpqEvzO_VdzPWUSMarqsiuP5nwrWmDoLkGYe6vE70XAYEHFbc8OPpqBFvPSD1AHybidYvilIDzyrommJhCk5gZ/s1600/treylogan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgw8yVi0SRZObVaKiTDguDvKLikeJzZEe1jrICP09z_c9fhFpUTUBueujVpqEvzO_VdzPWUSMarqsiuP5nwrWmDoLkGYe6vE70XAYEHFbc8OPpqBFvPSD1AHybidYvilIDzyrommJhCk5gZ/s1600/treylogan.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Every word of this is true and if anyone says otherwise they are
a liar.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I know this has been long, but
we are slowly arriving into the recent past. Hehehe I think that makes sense…. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Remember this is all just a recounting of
things past….. big smile.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">There is
always light at the end of the tunnel…..sometimes you just have to wait to see
it.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Now I can’t take credit here</span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">There’s a message<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">On the wire<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">And I’m sending you this signal tonight<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Missing you indeed. Eventually
Shanna and I moved to charlotte. Money
was very tight…it was very hard to find work……and I was making less and less
with each job. It wasn’t my fault hospitals just started paying less and
less. But that didn’t stop Mary from demanding more and more money. It
really made no sense. Attorneys kept saying
I needed to pay more. I had bought
another boat because I needed a place to stay when I went to see the kids……I
can hear Mary saying “oh your fathers rich” but that was never the case …I
spent everything to get it and even borrowed money …..because it was a way to
see the kids…..not because I wanted a boat.. It was a place to stay so I
could see them on the weekends. Jordan was happy to come. Jennings
hated it. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">We were living in Atlanta and understandably I was missing my
kids so bad. And then my heart broke. Shanna ….well…out of respect ….i will be
kind and just say…she messed things up between us…not on purpose….but the
damage was done because my kids ended up being the victims…. And I would not
allow it to happen again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">... I felt so bad for my kids….. I had not seen them in
months, missed them so badly and could not believe what had happened. The love
of my life had, in the space of an hour destroyed our relationship….. and my
kids still didn’t have the dad they deserved. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I took on extra work for the weekends and another job as an FDA
consultant. So I was working three
jobs. <br />
I naively thought I could get back in their lives. The consulting job put me in
DC so I would be closer to them so I took the chance and moved. It took all my money to get there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">The job lasted one month<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">When I got my paycheck it was much less than I was told I would
be getting. Frantically I took a job in West
Virginia. That way at least I could see them on the weekends. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">The pay was shit but I was glad to finally get close to them. <br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">But that didn’t happen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">My daughter was gone. Understandably consumed with anger and
bitterness for the family that was broken and hatred for me because i was not
there for her…and when I was she couldn’t stand to be near me. At this
point she didn’t want me around. And i
confess that i was broken because i never wanted any of that for her. I
desperately wanted to be a good dad but never got a chance. There were many
months that i could not afford a place to live because my child support was too
high and i could not afford a place to stay AND make child support payments. Unfortunately
the salary in wv was so bad that I couldn’t afford to go see them …gas prices
were too high….. yeah money was THAT tight…that I couldn’t afford the three
hour trip on weekends to go see them. Pot
pies were fifty cents apiece and a weeks supply of dinner was $3.50 plus tax.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">But Mary by god she got her check.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Hehe on the bright side…I was playing a lot of guitar around
town and three seasons of semipro football was way too much fun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Then I got the wonderful news that my educational loan decided
to garnish my wages…. taking out 700$ a month out of my paycheck……..for the
next 25 years. Not bad for a degree I
couldn’t use.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">It seems every attorney I approached was a fantastic liar. I still wonder why that’s a surprise. They would say things to reassure me then
completely do the opposite once in the courtroom. I made less and they just pulled numbers out
of their ass and said I owed it. It was a lawyer trick…tell the client what
they want to hear…get you in front of the judge where they knew you wouldn’t do
anything to embarrass yourself…then screw you over because they had arranged it
all ….together before you went in….then afterward
share the next wonderful plan of how to fix it…..which was sure to screw you
over some more……then send you a bill… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I naively thought I would attempt just once to get the child
support adjusted correctly. The attorney ASSURED me… he had NEVER lost a
petition to get it lowered. But guess
what???? The day before going to court
he told me …you guessed it…..it was going up!!!
Same story… claim you cant lose…go to court …fuck it up….come out and
say “calm down everythings ok…I can fix this” which is EXACTLY what happened.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">……that’s billable right?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Like I say…every word of this is true….. I made 33 percent less now than when the
court decided what I should pay five years ago.
It doesn’t take much brain power to realize that a chief tech position
in a big Roanoke hospital pays a lot more than a staff tech in Podunk west Virginia. Of course what I should pay is culmination of
my exes income and mine. Guess what
??? she told her attorney (with no proof)
that she made 90 k/year!!!!!!! 45
dollars an hour???? Really??? Really??? Where do I sign up???<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">The luck department was not only out to lunch…. They had been
replaced by the fuck Trey department.
Fully staffed …..fully funded. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">SIDEBAR: Ready?? Using this formula…if my wife claimed she made
half a million dollars a year and I made 50 k/year…I would owe her …….every
penny I make…..just 50k/year. What a
deal!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Lets see that leaves me…….nothing….zero. ….at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Wait a minute…. I take that back…that’s only 10 percent of the
total income..... which is waaaaaayyy too low.
So let make it a more reasonable number..say 20 percent of the
total….. ok that’s sounds better. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">So lets see here...lets say I made 50 k/year and she made half a
mil. I only owe…….a reasonable 100k/year
…….with my 50k/year salary…….. Reasonable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">SIDEBAR 2: My attorney was a genius…….The same attorney that
couldn’t do math outlined just how we would proceed when I told him that my son
wanted to come live with me. It went like this: QUOTE<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">“Let’s see if you can spend more time with him. <span style="text-transform: uppercase;">Can you ask your exwife if you can spend more
time with him</span>??? We’’ll document
that over the next year..…and then petition the courts”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">My unspoken answer went: Where did you get your law degree??
Disneyland?? You’re a moron. Do you want
to do this before or after my wife gets papers on the issue or even THINKS that
we are going to attempt to let him come live with me??? Because the SECOND she finds out she will
effortlessly make a fake call and lie to the police that I threatened her life
and guess what I get??? A restraining order.
You’ve heard of those?? Most
attorneys I thought knew about those. Surely
I can even get some jail time with that too.
It will look great on my resume. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Hey Ive got an idea… after I have to give the
bondsman….everything I own to come up with the money to get out of jail…..I can call you for help!!!!!!! ……. That’s
billable?? Right????<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;"> Now I want to make sure..
this will happening AFTER you get to bill me for a year’s work that is
guaranteed….GUARANTEED to fail but also
insure…INSURE….that I cant get another job….EVER….AND…… cant see my son …….at
all. ..AT ALL…..….right???? That’s your
plan??? Really??? Really??? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I cant imagine why I would be upset.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I’ll say it again. If you’re an attorney I’ll be happy to meet
you somewhere and beat the shit out of you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">With wonderful advice like this its easy to see why the Fuck
Trey department was so successful…everyone
on board, maximum fucking. By
now it was ready to go national…an IPO offering…… Were talking Wallmart,
Starbucks, Applebees ……it cant lose…brilliant!!!!! and lastly….great advice……<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">thanks for your help. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;"> I slept in my car many nights
just to make child support payments and she was always threatening to take me
back to court for more……When I was living in my car. Unfortunately the
money was so bad in WV that I couldn’t
afford to go see my kids …gas prices were too high…..Then…. The water got cut
off….. the heat got cut off…..The car broke down……..so I walked to work every
day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Back to the world….Jordan, who did his best, was and is
wonderful fun and a great son. I would get him every few weeks ( thats all i
could afford) and spend weekends on the boat…..before the car stopped
working. <br />
I would pick him up for the weekend and my heart broke knowing my daughter was
hiding so she didnt have to see me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">She had worked hard to let me know she didnt want me around and
i finally gave in. I couldnt fight anymore to try and reach her. <br />
It was too painful.... <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">For my daughter: you are
a strong girl and I am proud of you! Remember the little book I gave you. I remember you said to me that you “never
listen to anything” your mom or I tell you.
You’re mom and I love you very much.
In many ways you are more than she ever was or ever could be. I know she is proud of you too…….big smile<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">For my son: “Throw the
ball” really isn’t fantastic advice when your pitching baseball. Develop your talents…..learn your weaknesses
and make them strong. You will need a
lot of self endurance and dedication to get through this world. If you don’t take time to grow your own
spirit….. you will not find
happiness. Take on tasks that may seem
hard at first…and complete them…….a reward is something you earn…..you will get
irreplaceable satisfaction from conquering something hard. …. and if you can’t
complete a task…give it everything you’ve got.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I aint missin you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I can lie to myself<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Bring it…..bring some patience.
Hehehee. I got plenty to
share….big smile…..and im pretty tough…
This is all winding down….the present is just around the corner. Malapit na.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-10818077340425328402013-01-08T03:49:00.001-08:002013-01-14T20:07:21.300-08:00The second affair, sour raisins, and the lifetime son and daughter give away sweepstakes winner<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-lo5ijMdzRJieqBX5wXYVvUVRn1QPiHNt_vbcv3WJTQuJdGUts-FQEAqMjEhgLkpL_82CV47DjKi00ItY3qvFIEomHcfJot0Ih2uMTdd2ZmpsqJQ1SzAG0hqHcJF7gLaenojqScInr-hx/s1600/treylogan.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-lo5ijMdzRJieqBX5wXYVvUVRn1QPiHNt_vbcv3WJTQuJdGUts-FQEAqMjEhgLkpL_82CV47DjKi00ItY3qvFIEomHcfJot0Ih2uMTdd2ZmpsqJQ1SzAG0hqHcJF7gLaenojqScInr-hx/s1600/treylogan.JPG" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I realize this is going downhill fast….and most know where it’s probably headed.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Do I have an agenda ??</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Admittedly so…but I won’t apologize for it.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Now I can’t take credit here.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">You can’t always get what you want<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">You can’t always get what you want<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">You can’t always get what you want<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">You can’t always get what you want indeed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Where was I? oh yeah…..I bought a boat because i wanted the kids to have good family memories that I didn’t have.. That never happened. Soon after I got the boat I was counseling at church camp for a week with my daughter which was great fun!!!!! And when I got back I discovered my wife …. You guessed it….was having another affair. I had worked so hard to be a good husband, cleaning the house, working, loving with all my heart, fixing things myself to save money. But it was over. I would not put up with any more cheating….but truly…it was not just a sign that the marriage was over…in was that I never had one at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Something interesting happened then….. I discovered that 3 of Mary’s friends and coworkers had done the same thing…. THE SAME WEEK…. they had been planning it for years…. Sharing information about attorney’s strategies on how to spend all the money put us in debt and then…… kick the husbands out. Because they knew we would have to pay for it…. Use us then take the kids and our money. They got their husbands to set them up in new houses then kick us all out. It was unbelievably evil. Beyond anything Satan could have devised. Our lives torn up …..for a buck …..and more importantly our kids were victims. They would never have that loving family home they deserved. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I gave up. She won. I quit…..but the reverse of that was that I was free. I have to admit…my heart was not sore for even one second. I was glad it was over.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">My wife celebrated the next weekend with a pool party in the pool I built for us to have memories of playing with my kids. But that wouldn’t happen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;"> She had finally gotten rid of me. Any picture of me with the kids was taken down immediately. I’m not sure my kids ever understood she had kept all of us in the dark for so long ……because she was an expert liar…and still is. <br />I moved onto the boat because i had nowhere else to go. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I was crushed because I had done all I could but the harder I tried the worse our family got.<br />It had been a fight before to save my family. Unbelievably from there…. it just got worse. My attorney told me that it was useless to fight for custody because the women always won and that I would pay him to give my kids away. I remember he laughed when he told me and I remember his exact words “Mr. Logan you are just going to pay me to give your kids away”. I could have killed him. Remember this was MY attorney…the one I hired…...not hers. I asked my mom to help me fight to keep the kids 50/50 and was heartbroken at her response. She said I should let Mary raise them…..I cut her out of my life totally and immediately…we will never speak again. Every attorney I hired to help…literally made things worse...and helped the other side…and then billed me. It was a nightmare beyond description. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">I was lucky enough to get my Private investigators license. Divorce had been so hard and no one had any answers …I thought it would be a good thing to help other people who were going through the same problems…having their lives turned upside down was traumatic and I would do my best to help people through it. I even had some time on k-92 where I would find lost people…lost loves, family members, childhood friends and such and we would reunite them on the air. It was very satisfying<br />I set out to do what was right and bought a duplex because i could save money for the kids, jennings however didn’t like being in the ghetto and hated being there ……and with me. It broke my heart… I had lost the fight for my marriage and now I was fighting my daughter too. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Then my best friend in the world Chad died in a car wreck. Truly my best friend.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt;">Then …..I got lucky…..I met Shanna …..the one true love of my life. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">I got a job at lewis gale and unlucky for me marys attorney found a way to take most of my money. Regardless of what I did….. Everyone was eager to make things worse. I remember the attorneys laughing together saying “he can see them on Christmas day cant he? Will that be ok??” They laughed and smiled, enjoying the look of pain they were causing and I would just have to sit there and take it. It was fun for them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"> From that point on I was overpaying her in child support. No formula was EVER used …they just made up whatever the fuck they thought I should pay and that was that. I made less every year but every time I spoke to an attorney about it they wanted to increase it. It made no sense at all. Every other job that I had made less money…but I never took her back to court to get the payments adjusted…because it was supposed to be for the kids…. And who knows what lies she was telling the kids. I was bitter yes…. i was upset yes... But i had every reason to be….. my family was ripped from me and i was powerless to be a good dad, while my wife spent my money happily in the house i built for us…and the people I hired to help me….always ended up helping her. If you’re an attorney I’ll be happy to meet you somewhere of your choosing and beat the shit out of you….dont care about charges or going to jail for it……ill be smiling the whole time.<br />At that point work at lewis gale had become too stressful. As a chief tech the money was great but it was too hard to keep it going and keep the kids…I had to be on call and there were times the kids had to go with me when I got called in..even in the middle of the night. It was too much for them and for me. So I stepped down. The problem was….i had worked at the only two hospitals in Roanoke…which meant I HAD to move. I didn’t WANT to. There were no open positions within driving distance…none…. But I had to work..the kids had to eat..mary had to be paid. …so there was nothing I could do. I was lucky enough to get a job in Florida. In my kids eyes…I abandoned them…which broke my heart. Florida was far..but I thought it would be great to have the kids come there. They did come one time..and we had a blast. I went to see them for Christmas ….and my wife served me with more papers demanding more money. Sour raisins??? I admit it. But with damn good reason…so I don’t want to hear any shit from anyone that i need to just let it go.because yeah I .....AM.... over it so you can save the “you need to move on…get over it” speech. Is that what I should tell my kids about the divorce?? “”you need to get over it?” Healing is much better….. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">For my daughter: I wish I was there for you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">For my son: I wish I was there for you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;">Bring it…….bring the healing. Life is tough for everyone…. I know that. Sometimes sharing is really the only thing that is comforting…so if you find someone worth having….you better hold onto them…. Big smile<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br /></span>POSTSCRIPT: The love train is fine …..gusto kong mag isa lang…malaki ngiti</span><br />
<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;">POSTSCRIPT DEUX: I think ive already written about it ...but hehehe i cant help but recall one more story...one time the ex and I were discussing women and she told me that "men like bitches" ....y...eah...we like that.....thats what i want...a bitch. hehe well...I got one....i didnt like it that much. </span><br />
<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-16696384645734983792012-12-25T02:25:00.002-08:002013-01-19T01:53:46.150-08:003rd grade Haiku, The first affair, and the coming of scrumpalumpers!!<br />
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Every word of this is true and if anyone says otherwise they are a liar. Life is good….big smile.
I miss my kids though and hope they are treating each other well. One day we will be able to have normal
contact. But for now that can’t be. I hope one day they will understand. Now I can’t take credit here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">This is the end<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Beautiful friend<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">The last few months of school I met a girl named Mary. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I asked someone about her six months before and they said she
was dating someone….so I forgot about her. Near the end of school they
came back to me and said “said she was available.. I said “who?” I
had forgotten about her totally but asked her out anyway. I had heard
some bad things about her sleeping around….every time I saw her she was looking
down….. at herself walk. She was definitely not my type. The
night we were supposed to go out I told a friend to tell her that I was too
busy to go. She never got the message and showed up anyway. There were many
signs we should not have been together….. I just ignored them. She fell asleep
in the theater during our first date when we were watching silence of the lambs
which is absolutely unbelievable and then I found out she actually cheated on
her boyfriend that weekend just to be with me. As I would find out later
that was a regular theme for her…and all her friends. Her friends were all that way too. She ran (and still does) with a trashy crowd….birds
of a feather. </span></div>
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We moved to Roanoke to start a family and build a home. Mary had gotten a
job as a staff technologist at memorial and I had gotten a great job as chief
technologist for a mobile operation. We lived with her parents for a few months
while the house was being built. I was proud of myself because I had done many
things inside the house to make it more like we wanted. I built a rock
wall by hand and our own pool. I had skylights put in and wired it for
sound. And the central vacuum I was very proud of. Later
on my neighbor Hal and I built a large screened in porch off the master
bedroom……and the laundry shute… (which
she boarded up after I left). </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I tried my hand at painting……to put some art in the house…but I
was no good!! My sister got all of that
talent. . </span><br />
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Jennings was born and our life was fantastic. My wife was
working only three days a week had a Mercedes, a pool and a maid.
What more could you want? Jennings will never appreciate how beautiful
she was as a young child. She was
absolutely gorgeous. Such a joy..i wish I had the
video…….scrumpalumpers!!!!!!!!!!! Soon
after that my wife quit her job at Carilion. she told me it was because she did not want to
work there ….the truth I found out later was that she was causing too much
trouble with the male doctors by flirting with them….we had only been married a
few months.. Truth is they didn't want her there because she was causing too
much trouble. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Then I got a great offer to help start another company…and I was
going to be a part owner and things were great...... For about 5 months ...once
i had done all the work to get them started ... They fired me and replaced me
with some no name guy who could barely speak English. No that’s not a joke.. I was stunned. I told them they would not last 3 months.....
I was happy to know they only lasted a few weeks. Stupid sucks. I had to
have a job…… and fast so i took a job that was three hours away …. it was
the only one I could get. ... This meant I was only home on the weekends... I
was sad but there wasn’t anything i could do. Little did I know that my wife
was sneaking her boyfriend in after she put Jennings to bed while I was out of
town.. That’s how I found out about the
first affair. I came home from being on the
road and he was parked outside (at midnight) one night and I traced his car
tags. Sure enough when I mentioned the
name to her…she knew him……he was a sales guy that she saw at work. It got worse from there. I got schooled ….and educated…..fast. She was having an affair…..all her friends
knew it and it was a great source of entertainment for them all (they were
having affairs too). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I noticed two things then…. my wife spent every cent I deposited
and my daughter was growing apart from me. I spent nothing and every week Mary
would say “we have no money.” I found out why .... She was wasting it
all. 50 dollar lunches for her friends, 300 dollar phone bills to her
mom… whatever I deposited she spent it ….down to the last penny. I
would have to borrow gas money sometimes just to get home. Things got bad
quickly. I hadn’t realized that we were so different. When I met her
she had been working in ultrasound for years ….but had nothing to show for
it. Where had all that money gone???? I
was educated and she……..wasn’t.. and it was obvious. She had gone to an xray program and then
ultrasound….not college. We could not
have been more different. </span><br />
<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">SIDEBAR: I have to put this in here. Ready???? She has always lied and told the kids she went to college she just..........cant find her diploma. hahahaha unbelievable. She cant find her diploma.....Rrrriiiiiigggghhtt. Yes mommy cant find her diploma.</span><br />
<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">back to the world. I would eventually get my masters degree and she
….well…….had certainly …finished high school. She eventually had to stop
doing Jennings homework for her around 6</span><sup style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif;">th</sup><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> grade because quite
frankly …she couldn’t do it. One of my favorite jokes was that she got
honorable mention in Jennings third grade haiku contest! Hahha she didn’t
even place…she got….honorable mention. By then I had published at least
ten articles in various science journals and health care magazines. I had
even designed a radioactive syringe shield and had a prototype built but sadly
nothing became of it. Yeah I was proud
of who I was. But hard working, honesty
and dedication proved to be worthless in the land of the vindictive. It just makes you a target. I remember begging my wife for 9 years…count
them…9 years…to get our daughter to sleep in her own bedroom. I was told
“everyone does this…..its normal Trey” and yes you read that right…our daughter
slept with us every night until we divorced.
Of course then she made her sleep in the other room so she could have
guys over.</span></div>
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For my daughter: I
know you have bad memories of an unhappy home life when we were all
together. I’m really sorry for
that. I was fighting a battle I couldn’t
win with your mom. I know that was
upsetting. I want you to know I have
never worked so hard to fix something and I don’t believe for a second that our
marriage failed because I didn’t try everything humanly possible. I did.
The agony of it all was that it affected you so badly. I still wish the best for you and hope one
day you understand.</div>
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For my son: I
remember playing Godzilla xbox buddy and throwing Frisbee and football…fishing
at the boat and watching school of rock, pee wee herman, shooting your gun and
doing your back flip off the poles in E dock. ..dont you forget those good
times !!!</div>
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<span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px;">Of our elaborate plans, the end</span><br />
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<span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px;">Of everything that stands, the end</span><br />
<span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px;">No safety or surprise, the end</span><br />
<span style="color: #474747; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 23px;">I'll never look into your eyes...again</span></div>
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Bring it…..bring that silver lining. It may seem small sometimes but I would
rather see it and share it than lose it.<br />
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POSTSCRIPT: Justin? Erica? Really?? hahaha think ill wait for steak.<br />
POSTSCRIPT DEUX: I have to record this story because otherwise ill forget it! hehehe I remember one time STING was on saturday night live....and i said something about the police..and she said... "STING was in the police?"..my jaw dropped. Im old now but ......there is NO way...NO way you could have been in high school in 1981 and NOT have known that sting was in the police. You would HAVE to be a full blown moron. Literally..thats like not knowing who the president is, who your mother was or what school you went to. I can understand if you were from an old blind woman from zimbabwe and didnt know ....but that would be like a high school girl in chicago today not knowing who beyonce is.......really.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-80436256043121620142012-12-25T02:21:00.002-08:002012-12-25T02:21:36.918-08:00The river rat, the country professors, and natural selection<br />
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Every word of this is true and if anyone says otherwise they are
a liar.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;"> Colllege was busy...no doubt about it. I learned alot...and I can honestly say i am proud of that effort.I hope my kids get some of that for themselves..... mmmmm. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: 'Arial Unicode MS', sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Now I cant take credit here.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Good times<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">These are the good times<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Good times indeed. From
that point on I started listening to National Public Radio every day which is
still a great joy. Liz story ( who I got to meet) , Andreas Vollenweider,
Brahms ,Bach, Handel … the list goes on and on. In the student government
and being vice president of Sigma phi epsilon I was lucky enough to meet many
famous people. G Gordon Liddy, Ralph Nader and others. My ex-wife of course has…..
no clue who any of these people are... At the end of my freshman year Mike
Harris and I traveled to Atlanta to meet the US team coach for kayaking.
He was impressed with my ability in the kayak having never been in one before
and I bought my first boat from him. We trained hard and took 7th
at nationals in 83. From that point on Wildwater kayaking was a real
focus …. So yeah I was a river rat. I was asked to try out for the US bobsled
team but declined because kayaking was too fun….sometimes we would come in
first …some times in third or so. I was invited to the pan am games but
declined. I was very proud when our homecoming queen at Ferrum asked if i would
be her escort.. I accepted of course.
I was very dedicated with school and carried about 3.7 GPA. I
would stay in the library until they locked me in at night every wed so i would
study all night until they opened in the morning. So I had no choice but to study all
night. I am a driven person….true that. You
have to work hard to beat me or keep me down or make me give up. I also gave
campus tours was an RA and even took classes in the virgin islands. Weekends were spent studying…… all day
Saturday and Saturday night and all day Sunday……….but something was missing. <br />
I would visit my friends at UVA and Tech …sometimes Radford and knew I was
missing something from my college experience. I was lucky enough to get into
Harvard for the semester before I transferred to wvu. Harvard was.......
Fantastic. Truly. The caliber of academia and even the food was
…off the chart. By this time i had also
completed my EMT. This is hard to believe too but i would get next years
text books and read them a year before the class even started. So I already
knew the subject a year in advance. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">West Virginia was tough on me. I was carrying 19 credit hours
and was taking very tough classes. I got approval to take freshman
medical school classes as an undergrad….which I passed with ease. My grades were still good but I was burning
out. I was studying so hard with no diversion..I literally bought some
snuff one day…out of the blue…..just to have something to do. That…..was a mistake…or should I say stupid…..I
would be hooked on it for a long time…thankfully I quit…… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I came home to Roanoke for a vacation and fell in love with a Greek
girl. I needed a break from school and we decided to move in together.
She was much older than me and it never quite worked out. I was
delivering dominoes pizzas then….. I couldn’t afford a place to stay so I lived
in an old house my dad owned. No heat, no electricity, no water, no
lights, no furniture…I slept in a sleeping bag on the wooden floor with a
little space heater for the winter.. My high school buddy Leo offered me
a sound engineer’s job at impact productions. I took the job and soon I
was directing my own commercials. We shot 230 commercials my first
year. I even worked with coach beamer at Va tech to produce his coaches show
every week. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Eventually I knew I had to go
back to college to finish. So I returned to Ferrum to finish up …..I got talked
into playing bass with my college professors …..we were called the country
professors ….god that was rough. Hahaha I know that's hard to believe too
because I hate country music as much as anyone can….but it didn't take any
brainpower. Real fun came when I got the bass gig for a band called
without warning (van halens fans will remember). By then I was playing
violin and guitar. Back at Ferrum I was studying hard again and feeling
good …..I dated a girl Connie who eventually became a Surgeon. During the
summer I moved to Myrtle Beach but could only find work at Shoney's……which was
just enough money to survive on …..I met
Rich and we had a great time playing volleyball and drinking on the
beach. I should have married his sister when I had the chance. My sister moved in with me down there but we
really did not share too much in common which was sad…..and my fault.
I really enjoyed having her there but it was obvious we were on different life
courses. Back at Ferrum I would take the most important course of my
life……. natural selection. Until that point in my life I was a convicted
Christian. Like most I considered my faith unshakable. But that would
change. I got accepted to the nuclear medicine program at UVA which was a
dream come true. My sister moved in with me……At this point I was 26 years old.
I had never found a woman that I wanted to marry and new that I would find one
at UVA. Unfortunately…the one I ended up with was never a student there…which
turned out to be a mistake. At this
point I was a master in school and knew that I would not even crack a book when
it came to studying. I vowed to get through it and was successful even though I
did not study hard and I was even class president. I had spent so much time studying that school
became a breeze. I spent my free time
reading physics books about relativity, god particles, evolution, dark matter,
quantum theory… so yeah I had a real passion for my discipline…..and still
do. My education was very
rewarding. Not many people can say
that. I remember reading a fat medical
dictionary from A to Z when I was in Puerto Rico. (a great trip…I saw leather back turtles lay
their eggs in the middle of the night). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For my daughter: College days were fun for me even though I
studied way too much……and I am proud of you for taking on such hard
subjects. Don’t burn out if you
can….pace yourself….you can do it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For my son: Be careful what you get talked into. Don’t give in to pressure from others too
easily. Don’t be afraid to say no….real
friends are hard to find so choose well.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Good times<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Leave your cares behind<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Bring it……. Bring that path of
personal success. Times are not easy on
people. you have to feel good when you
look in the mirror….even though many things did not turn out for the best. When
I think about being divorced…I mean free… I sleep good at night…..its when I
think about my kids that I don’t. For those things that didn’t go my way. I can honestly say I tried…. Fear of failure is not an option….but it does
take two to tango.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-39528552872476939542012-12-24T23:42:00.000-08:002012-12-24T23:42:01.608-08:00The death fart, pitching quarters, and the mini kings dominion.<br />
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">Every word of this is true, and if anyone says otherwise they
are a liar. I left off with almost surviving junior high and being demoted
to….freshmen in high school…or thereabouts. I was glad to be able to reach out
recently to my daughter and son….even if only in a message to let them know I
miss them. Now I can’t take credit here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">The best is yet to come<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">And babe wont it be fine<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">The best is yet to come indeed. How can you top old blue
eyes? Man ……..he truly was….. the shit.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">It was now time for high school. In the summer months I
would walk myself to school and walk back.
The spring and fall air was so great back then and the walk home would
be slow and peaceful….stopping to play with dogs and whatever diversions I
could find. But during the winter
months I would ride with my dad at seven in the morning. We had to
be ready to leave the house at seven. Which meant I had to be up at 6:30 even
though class didn’t start until 9:05. Our
morning ritual was a nightmare ….my dad would wake up at 6:15 and take a shit
that would make you vomit …..it stunk up every single inch of the whole house
…..every single day. On top of that he would smoke cigarettes while he was
taking a shit. It was like he farted in your face and then blew smoke in it at
the same time. You didn't need an alarm clock …..you woke up Coughing and
gagging from the death fart.. My mom always made cinnamon toast which was very
nice. I would grab it and run outside to
breathe. Truthfully I never understood until later why my mom woke my sister
and I up differently. I would hear her
gently sit on my sister’s bed and say her name softly a few times. When she was up my mom would bang on my door
and yell “GET UP!!!!!!!” and walk off. I would get to school even before the
doors were open…and when the janitor unlocked school I was the only person
there. I always wondered why we had to
leave so early. Years later my dad told
me it was because he would go to work early…start the coffee then leave for
several hoursand go have breakfast.….so the other employees would think he had
been in early and was already hard at work… wonderful idea dad. I mean …great lie dad….thanks for that bit of
info. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;"> In Junior high we would
pitch quarters up against the wall….the closest pitch would win all the other
quarters…when we ran out of quarters it dimes and nickels eventually…… pennies.
….it was only change but so much fun!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I remember running the 50 yard dash with Dennis Dean..he was the
6 foot star of the basketball team…we tied at 5.0 sec……not the 40
yard….50!!!! Not bad. But in the 600 meter….i sucked. haha<br />
I was lucky enough to have many sweet girls as girlfriends most of them I met
at camp. High school was a brand-new world. I was no longer king of
the hill but that didn't matter I was happy to be who I was. Freshman
year we would go to bonfire parties and hang out….girls bodies started to
change….which made me wiggle…..and I never did any drugs. I was always
proud of that even to this day… I never smoked a single cigarette ever but I
did every once in a while sneak a little bit of liquor from my dad's
cabinet. My freshman year I started wrestling. I was instantly a success
and did it for many years with great satisfaction. Senior year I was team
captain but didn’t finish the season because I realized my grades had suffered
long enough and I needed to get into college…..high school was too much fun…for
nearly too long. I can't express how much fun my high school years were.
I was happy, busy, with many friends and many exciting things to do …the class
of 1982 was very close….</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">When I was around15 something different happened to me
musically. The radio was no longer …as good as it had been…. It was boring and predictable. Sure
there were cool songs, Reo speedwagon, foreigner, ac/dc…but I was getting a
hunger for more than that. I had just started playing bass and I found that
the songs on the radio were too easy to play. To put it bluntly pop music
sucked.. I started listening to King Crimson, Bruford, Jeff Beck, Kazume
watanabe, jean luc ponty, and the Dixie dregs. This was real music far
and above anything I was listening to before. I would never look back….
country music was shit, pop music was shit, progressive Jazz was cool….. .
And of course Led Zeppelin. Eventually that changed too …..classical
music eventually took over…thanks to NPR.. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I worked as a dishwasher at howard johnsons. Right across from Lews…its gone now. I would get out of school and rush there to
bus tables and wash like a madman…. The
dinner rush was a killer and I was soaked with sweat and food…..hehe. Friday nights we would go see the rocky
horror picture show (which I urge my kids to see in a theater)…and get
drunk. (which I don’t urge my kids to
do) There was a bar upstairs in
crossroads mall called the Catawba emporium and they never carded anyone so we
would go there and drink for hours and listen to bands….and then go down the
hall and play video games in the arcade…
no xbox back then. Summers we
would go to lakeside amusement park (again I urge my kids to go online and find
pictures) which was like a mini kings dominion.
We would get 5 dollars and stay all day and night. Riding the roller coaster and eating popcorn
or cotton candy for lunch and playing arcade games for hours. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt;">I was never able to afford a car so I borrowed my parents.
Which was good of them. Later on my dad would buy me the cheapest
cars he could find to ensure that I never got a date. ( a datsun b210) If
it cost more than 500 bucks it was not going home with us. I should have been more thankful…but I was
embarrassed beyond belief. Most of my
high school summers were spent being a lifeguard which I took very serious.
Once or twice I rushed in and truly did some good. Real suntan oil was
too expensive…so I used motor oil. I
also worked on the electrical crew at the Roanoke Civic Center…. it was amazing
to set up the stages and the rigging. To
put up lights and sound systems and be back stage just to get close to my idols
was real magic for a boy. I would spend hours in the record exchange
looking at rare albums and listening to music and talking to other folks about
bands and who I was playing with. . My junior year I got a job at Howard
Johnson's washing dishes. I didn't mind the long hours because it helped
pay for albums , drums, gas and ,,,,, beer. My friends Chad and Joel
would play a bigger role as time went on. Senior year was a blast I was
crowned snow king at our Christmas dance. I had dated many girls but none
was more influential than Valerie Patton. We had gone
tubing at Goshen Pass in Lexington the summer before as a crowd and senior year
I asked her to go to the prom and she said yes. From then on I was hooked
…..she was my high school sweetheart. Beautiful and smart I was lucky to
have her. My senior year something changed in me. I realized I would have to
make something of myself and go to college. I had been offered a contract
to play with a traveling band…but knew that my future needed something more
than sex drugs and rock and rool. As captain of the wrestling team I knew I had
to quit so I could focus on studying hard. I was lucky enough to get
into Ferrum College with bad grades….. Valerie went to Virginia Tech. Three
weeks into my freshman year of college she dumped me and got engaged ….within a
month… to the son of a jewelry store owner….which made me……not very happy.
haha But they never got married.
I have to confess I was crushed. From that point on my college life was
filled with studying…. and I mean studying. I had wasted enough of
my academic life and it was time to turn the tide. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New"; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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For my daughter: I
sure hope everyone is treating you well.
You have been through a lot. If
you ever need inspiration …read the book I gave you…..pull from within and
trust yourself. I believe in you very
much.</div>
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For my son: the next
few years are going to be fun…enjoy them.
But be careful….. you have a long road ahead and you don’t want to ruin
things early by making bad decisions. I
trust you too.</div>
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The best is yet to come </div>
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Come the day you’re mine</div>
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Bring it ……… bring those old memories…good and bad. Its ok.
I survived. …….and you will
too….big smile.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-20858434341851925752012-12-15T21:48:00.000-08:002012-12-19T00:16:24.657-08:00The slow skate, Van Halen bliss, and star wars mania<br />
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Every word of this is true and if anyone else says otherwise
they are a liar. Right now that statement has little meaning without a
reference. The reason for such a
disclosure isn’t apparent……but in a few years…I mean blogs…it will be
clear. Now I can’t take credit here.</div>
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My dad finally had a stable job and he decided to move everything
back to Roanoke where his family was. This was great I got to see all my
old friends because we moved back into the same house we lived in before. I was so lucky…. To see all my old friends again..it was
great!Around 1976 to about 1979… many things happened . My life changed quite a bit which is no
surprise…… First I must say that Church camp had always been an important
part of my life and I had gone for many years but now it took on a new meaning.
I was spending more time with friends that went to church and and camp and that
really gave me backbone. I was
eventually lucky enough to go to Puerto rico to help victims of hurricane hugo
with a church group. The lessons I
learned there stay with me and it was guidance I needed and close friendships
that were not out in the real world…… or at home. And secondly I
discovered music when I was in seventh grade. I can't express how important
this was in my life. Ted Nugent, Foghat, and of course Van Halen blew
everything away. My son understands ...atomic punk...on fire....light up the sky......good god.</div>
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Camp Bethel gave me direction and course and I was happy
with who I was and knew I would be a moral man. The direction I needed
was something I did not get it home and so I was glad to have it and embraced
it.<br />
That is also the year that Star Wars hit the theater. I can't express
how exciting this was to go to a theater and see the movie on the big screen ..
In fact when the movie came we would all get together and try to find out ways
we could get to the theater to watch it ……we would watch it once, twice, even
three times in a day.. ..sneaking back in….. Our parents would drop us off at
12 o'clock and we would watch the movie three times in a row and they would
pick us up late that night. This went on for months. The movie had such a
positive message and it was such great fun to watch on the big screen. Back then there were only 2 movie
theaters. One at crossroads mall and one
at towers mall (both of which are gone now).<br />
Summer days we would spend climbing tinker mountain and spray painting
our names on hay rock. A few of us would
go without asking parents of course and be gone all day. A back pack with poptarts, cheese crackers
and a jug of coolaid to split 3 ways.
Looking down on lord Botetourt high school from the mountain top and
carvins cove on the other side…eagles swirling on the wind below…it was
satisfying as a boy to make the trip. </div>
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I would spend lots of
time at the roller skating rink on Herschberger Rd …the disco lights and loud
music really made a Saturday afternoon in the winter. Skating slow
and holding hands with girls. I have to admit at this point in time my
physical prowess was impressive. I could skate better, run faster,
jump higher play harder than anybody.. Kids three or four years old me were
nothing…. I could wipe them clean. At
that point I joined the swimming team at Tinkerview pool…and we would train
indoors at hotel Roanoke….all winter… Before I was done with the swim team I
must of had at least 100 Ribbons ….first places …second places …third-place and
always on the podium. It reminds me of
my daughter and gymnastics. At 15 I was
in the championships for tennis at the club. I even went to Canada
to go skiing!!! Man that was great!
I even got to use some French!</div>
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For all my running around I was still very much determined
to be a good person, a good boy, a good man. Some Saturdays we would go to
Copperfields (which is gone now) and
dance like the adults do. Haha. Only teenagers were allowed in and we
would dance with the disco lights going and the music real loud… Michael Jackson, Rod stewart, heatwave. I
always won the dance contests when I went there and that was such a great
feeling to have everybody watch you and to know that you entertained
them. I have always been comfortable speaking in public or on
stage. I set the bar high for myself and
yes I did have a temper every once in a while when I did not meet my own
expectations. I never liked disappointing myself. School was still
a struggle for me as I did not care about Isosceles triangles. In eighth
grade my flag football team was in the championships for the school and we
crushed the opposition…. I was unstoppable and proud. Baseball was ok but I was
not as good a player as my son is….I miss seeing him. Youre great buddy!! Even in basketball …much better than I was.</div>
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That’s when I started developing many close friendships..
Jody Emick's dad was a judge, Jack Frailin's dad was a doctor, Joel wood's dad
was a psychologist, and Johnny Frailin's dad was an architect. It
became clear that I was the kid from the other side of the tracks as I said..
their houses were bigger and nicer and it was obvious that they came from money…..
and I didn't. I have to say that never bothered me..it was just a fact..i
was rough around the edges. Rather I was
proud of bootstrapping my life. </div>
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Those were the three big influences on my life at that point
…Church camp, music and the movie Star Wars. Going to camp bethel every summer
really shaped me it gave me a lot of background morals that I did not get it
home. It was a very powerful place full of very kind sweet people and
lots of fun. So yes the church shaped me in many ways. </div>
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In sixth grade I
would go to crossroads Mall and would look at the stereos for hours and hours
just dreaming of having one. I saved up all my money and bought the
biggest one that I could. I would place the speakers 2 feet apart facing
each other and I would sit between them and crank up the volume until my head
would vibrate. If it wasn’t loud…it sucked. The parents made me buy headphones. Hehehe.
I can't express how important this time was for me….. to discover music
as such a powerful thing in my life.
Aerosmith, bad company, Boston, styx, rush, yes….. In seventh grade I
went to Jack Frailin's house and his brother had a drum set. He couldn’t play
it and I spent every dime I had just to buy it from him. I never had a
lesson but within one year I kid you not I was as good a drummer as anything
you could hear on the radio. Truthfully I was fantastic…. I could play any
song. Period…. I was very proud of that ….at such a young age with no
lessons I seemed to know how to play automatically. My parents however
never acknowledged that. I never heard them say once that they were proud of me
or that I did a good job or that it was amazing that I could play so well. They
just didn't give a shit. My mom would just walk in and yell stop when she
got home. Waving her arms with a disgusted look on her face. It was
disappointing…but not surprising.</div>
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When my mom got upset she would spank me with this big
wooden spoon. But one day I remember
clearly all that changed…I was getting bigger.
I believe I was about 14 and had said something that my mom obviously
didn’t like. She raced to the kitchen
drawer and whipped out the spoon and starting running toward me. When she got close to me I remember cocking
my arm back ….planting my feet and rotating my shoulders…..my fists as hard as
rocks. She stopped dead in her
tracks….the spoon high in the air…and shock on her face. I was …..not playing…one more step and I
would have knocked her unconscious. </div>
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Oh yeah…I forgot to
mention…… I had Judo lessons……….they paid off.</div>
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We had not been close but that was surely a turning point
for both of us. I remember years later
my mom screaming at my dad “either he goes …….or I go!!!!” Did I mention there wasn’t much love in the
house? Hehehe</div>
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For my daughter: I
will always regret that you never got to see your mother and I happy
together. I truly tried..with everything
I had….for many years…the truth is…your mother never tried….at all……to make our
relationship work….not once…..ever. The
bad times you remember when you were young was frustration from me after years
of exhaustion of trying to reach your mother….and failing.</div>
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For my son: You were
a rock buddy…you did so well during that period that was hard on our
family. I’m sorry for you too. You have been through a lot. </div>
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Bring it………bring the truth..its coming….mistakes and
apologies too. </div>
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POSTSCRIPT: Incidentally
the exgf gets some applause…. She texted
that she made a mistake and would do anything to fix it. With the quote “please take me back”. …..several times…which was sweet but Ive been
through it before….. wo its best just to let it go. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-58957385220054483812012-12-15T05:32:00.002-08:002012-12-16T21:51:17.665-08:00The paper route, out after dark and painting from a rope.<br />
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif";">Every word of this is true and if anyone else says otherwise
they are a liar. Still happy in ma skin. Just getting started with explaining
some premarital history for my kids who never got to hear about their dads
past. There is much still to tell and
this is just backdrop….for the moment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif";">Now I cant take credit here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif";">I want to fly like an eagle<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif";">To the sea<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif";">Fly like an eagle<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif";">Let my spirits carry me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif";">Fly like an eagle indeed.
When I was in fifth grade ..around 1975…my parents told me we were
moving to Chatham... It was a very difficult time but I knew things would be
okay…. I would have to give up my friends but I knew that I would make it and
this was a new adventure..I still remember moving everything into a u haul van
for the long slow trip. My dad had gotten a job as a food broker and
we needed to move closer to where he worked because he was traveling two hours
to work every day and 2 hours back... I have to say that my time in Chatham was
amazing. I really enjoyed myself and
there was much to see and do. It was a small town with a main street
courthouse and hotdogs for 35 cents in the trolley car diner. Gum
was still a penny. Only two sodas…coke or pepsi…diet sodas hadn’t been invented
yet! I urge my kids to go there just to see where I
grew up. On the radio was David Bowies
song fame, Elton John, and the Doobie brothers…. And oh ….yeah…music was
starting to peak my interest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif";">I was still raising myself but there was a lot to do in such a
new place so I was always busy. We moved into this very big old house right in
front of hargrave military academy and I had a very huge bedroom, big wooden staircase,
tall ceilings and floors that creaked with every step. The town was very quaint and small and I soon
got a paper route. The town was predominantly black in nature but on main
street lots of little shops and I rode my bike every day on my paper route all
through town.. I would get home from school grab my bike and ride down to
the courthouse where I would load up with papers to travel all around town
getting home after dark and after dinner…. It took about three hours to do
every single day ……rain or shine, cold or hot. Sick or not. Sunday morning
I would have to be up before 6 and it would take all morning to deliver all the
papers in town because they were heavy and my route was bigger.. My mom
got a job at the local private girls school and I was home by myself when she
was not there. On weekends I would go to Chatham Hall the local private
girls school and ride horses as I had riding lessons and that was a lot of fun….
I watched just a little bit of television…and by then I was losing interest in
television anyway. Especially because I got my first real girlfriend kiss….
Hahaha Julie sanders. The military
academy principles daughter no less. (
hey ..I aimed high.) We did everything
together ..much to her dads disappointment.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif";">Being on my own I developed certain kinds of hobbies that were
lots of fun ….. I used my money from the paper route and bought a CB radio and
then I got a chemistry set, an electric science set, a train set, model rockets
and then I would buy comic books at this little gas station where I could play
pinball. During the summer I would go up to this little creek to catch
tadpoles and crawdads. I would spend the whole day there making dams in the
stream. My parents never seemed concerned about what I was doing or where
I was and I would show up frequently past dark …way past dinner. Sometimes I
would stay out till 10 or 11 o'clock at night with no supervision at all. But
no one would ask where I was or what I was doing. Truth is they didn’t
give a shit. That summer Jody Emick and I would go to tennis camp and my
cousin Steven would come down and we would play together. I looked up to
him as the big brother I never had. By this time I had started building
models of spaceships from Star Trek or cars, battleships or planes. It doesn’t sound exciting but for me it
was. There were few children to play
with so my time was spent tearing things apart to see how they worked..or
building something. It was very
satisfying and a great way to learn about things. <br />
I was never told until years later but at this time something very bad happened
to my sister. she was …taken advantage of….by a guy that
lived down the street. I don't even think my parents knew at the time..
But the bottom line was that my mom was not careful enough to let my sister go
down to where he lived…and he had FIVE brothers…. .. I do blame myself for not
being more attentive to her …it was not her fault…. but I do blame my mother
for being not smart enough to realize she should not have let my sister go
there. </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif";">I was able to do things physically the other kids could
not. I could jump higher, run faster, and longer than anyone
else. I was very proud of my abilities...and still
am. I was always first picked when it came to football.
Always. I could …and did ….run for a touchdown no matter how many people
were trying to tackle me ……every single time.
…. I was unstoppable physically….even with kids 3 and four years older
than me. Even better….bring em on. One play….kick off..…touchdown. It was great to play running back again in
semipro as an adult…fantasy come true. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif";">I built my own pinewood derby car (dad didn’t help at all) and
came in second at the championships….I don’t think my dad even went.</span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">One time I remember my dad tied
a rope around my waist and lowered me off the roof with a can of paint and a
brush because it was too high for the ladder to reach from the ground. So I painted the outside of our houses third
floor….suspended in mid air.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; line-height: 115%;">We were there are only two years
when my parents decided it was time to move back to Botetourt county..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For my daughter: to watch you in gymnastics was …amazing. It was so much fun to take you to practice
and watch. I was too proud to leave. I will never understood why your mother would
take you and drop you off then come back when it was over to pick you up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">For my son: You are the king big
stuff. The crackshot with a bb gun. Fweeeepss……..ster!!!!!!!!!! Miss bein on the boat with you!!!! Playing grand theft auto and watching led
zeppelin….. big smile<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Fly to the revolution<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Arial Unicode MS","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Bring it……that epiphany….that
catharsis….that shakabuku…..hehehe I
miss seein my kids. But more importantly
I know they miss having a dad they could count on. I know how they feel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-82799294865554652892012-12-15T05:30:00.000-08:002012-12-16T21:51:02.234-08:00Honeysuckle lunch, A Kenny burger, and the antennae adjustment of terror<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2RzPSTa9gCFKxyOLxvWmz0d7Fhh8Vmn4WfmwptM3m82V7UDVGTKOVCFlkABGtkrcJPc8knM9dQoQ-pzUpSzepazQjTc489Z6E_E805mZ7HvcIazxt_n33fsLi5fTPYacxdeK7CnciIoG/s1600/treylogan8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge2RzPSTa9gCFKxyOLxvWmz0d7Fhh8Vmn4WfmwptM3m82V7UDVGTKOVCFlkABGtkrcJPc8knM9dQoQ-pzUpSzepazQjTc489Z6E_E805mZ7HvcIazxt_n33fsLi5fTPYacxdeK7CnciIoG/s1600/treylogan8.JPG" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Every
word of this is true and if anyone else says otherwise they are a liar. The blog has changed….big smile…..My thoughts
on the love train are much more relaxed these days… which is just fine….there
are other long overdue priorities… My
kids deserve a lot more than they ever got from me so there is much to say,
much to reveal, much to apologize for….and so I have to start at the
beginning…before they were here. But
that will change once I stop blowing my own horn. Because a real man knows it’s not about him
but his family too…and I miss them very much.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Now
I cant take credit here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Youre
just a young child<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">You
been runnin awhile<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">You
saw the bright lights<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">And
honey they amazed you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Brite
eyes indeed. I understood much about my
parents by looking at their past. Understanding
why they were the way they were. Life was
tough for them. But it was revealing to
me as to why I am the way I am…. what
motivates me and why its so sad that my kids never got what they deserved. Hopefully
my children too will understand more about themselves through their mom and
dad….. So here tis……….part 2 of many more chapters to come.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">When
I was very young my backyard was an apple orchard and I used to go pick apples,
peaches and raspberries there….before ikenberry orchards became just another
subdivision. Tinker
mountain was always in the distance…and we could drink honeysuckle for lunch...
life in the summer was very fun and I was always outside playing.. Remember
back then there was no real TV like there is now…. there were just three
channels and not much for kids to watch. There was no cable ….just antennas on
the roof to get a signal. My dad used to have me stand on the chimney top
to adjust the antennae while he held my feet. I was not pleased.
Truth was he wasn’t man enough to do it himself so he bullied me into it. I remember we had video of him trying to put
me into a cannon in Lexington..he was having the time of his life laughing,
trying to scare me and I was just a kid freaking out. I had my favorite shows
Gilligans Island the Brady Bunch and definitely Star Trek was my favorite.. The
only time there were cartoons on TV was Saturday morning between eight and
12... I would play with matchbox cars and marbles or jacks (if you even know
what that is) and sometimes just make little rivers in the mud. In
the spring I would make my own kites and fly them until you could barely see them
they were so far away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">Roanoke
back then in 1969 was nothing like today.
No Wendys, burger king, or Hardees.
There was a chain called Kenny burger.
We would go and get a Kenny burger and French fries. ( bobbie Jos in salem still has them and I
urge my kids to go get one and see what was the only fast food around except
mcdonalds.) There was no valley view
mall, walmart, or even tanglewood mall.
Only crossroads mall and the Roanoke salem plaza. The music was Stevie wonder, Gladys night and the pips, and the beach
boys.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">I
remember my dad didn’t spank me in public.
Instead he would take his class ring, spin it around on his finger and
hit me flat square on the top of my head.
The pain was so bad and quick, you stopped whatever you were doing
immediately because everything went black and you couldn’t focus. His other attention getter was to twist the
inside of my upper arm so hard I couldn’t speak. It paralyzed your mouth and body so he could
just drag you around wherever he wanted by his fingers with your eyes rolled up
in the back of your head until he saw fit to let go. Eventually the blood came back, your eyes would open...and you realized.....oh....we're at the car now.....and you didnt remember the last 5 minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;">I
want to pause here to say something about my parents. My mom was a nice woman
she cooked, she cleaned but I remember coming home many times from school and
finding her not there. So there were many days where I would be by myself when
I got home from school and I'm not sure where she was but I know that she
wasn't home. I would get a snack and then go outside. My dad was …on his
best day an absent father….and an asshole when he was there. He would come home
frequently drunk or not come home until very late. My mom would fix a plate for
him and he would not show up for dinner.
I would ask where he was and mom would say she didn’t know….and she
would put it in the oven for him to eat later but he did come home he would say
things to me like “what have you done for your country today?” Are you
serious???? I was 9 years old. When he showed up for
dinner he always asked that…then it was onto “did you do everything I told you
to????” Which meant ….did you do
everything around the house that needed to be done because…. he wasn’t going to
do any of it…….after that he just got pissed off because I couldn’t answer
“what did you learn in school today?” I
always brought home bad grades but my parents never did anything about it. They would just look at the grades and say
as long as you tried and you did your best. I would bring home a B
a bunch of C’s sometimes D’s sometimes an F…..or 2 hehehe .. Later
on my dad told me he failed 7nth grade ….on purpose …..so he could play
basketball again in junior high school….
Are you serious? OMG!!!! Do you REALLY think ANYONE would believe
that???? I got a similar story from him
years later. My dad said he didn’t understand
where I had learned to do so many things…. electrical, plumbing, masonry,
carpentry, spark plugs, carburetors…I told him I raised myself. He answered….”I
was never around because I wanted you to learn those things for yourself.” OMG!!!
What horse shit! You were drunk
on the golf course ya moron!!! hahaha<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit; line-height: 115%;"> I was growing up on my own with no guidance
but happy and proud of who I was... My parents struggled financially when
the family was young.. My mom would clean churches and the first job I
remember my dad having was night manager at a paper plant.. Then he tried
hardware sales. I'm sure it was hard on their marriage....We would spend
summer afternoons at the Botetourt swim club….the car had no air conditioning
and there was only am radio. I would swim all day, play shark, and
dive…. My dad entered us in the father son golf tournament and we won our
age bracket. I remember it very well…..in
fourth grade hitting my first ball off the first tee….. so hard …..the club of
my driver flew off and went down the fairway like a rocket…..<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For my daughter: The
coming blogs may start out talking about me but you will soon see it is for you
and your brother. I miss you very much. <span style="mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span> and you deserve much
from me. I understand why you won’t
speak to me…I would be upset too.. …my dad wasn’t very caring (that’s a
generous assessment) and so I had always hoped not to be like him and be there
for you. It was easy to cut him out of
my life as he wasn’t a father anyway.
Trust me I learned a lot from that ….and it pains me to know that I never
thought I would lose the fight to be in your life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">For my son: Hey buddy
I’m so sorry I can’t be there for basketball and baseball. You know if I had ANY choice I would be there
every single day practicing with you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Brite eyes don’t cry</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Bring it………bring brite eyes.
I’m sure you can relate. I am not
bitter about the past. I am not stuck
there…. And no I don’t need to “let it go”.
On the contrary, I’m proud of who I am.
…..trust me. I hope my kids understand
that they should be proud of who they are…..in spite of all the bad things that
have happened. And yes of course …I have
always loved you two and still do…….very much….big smile.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-259333305043138972012-12-15T05:19:00.003-08:002012-12-16T21:50:39.752-08:00The warmth of the sun, dragging truth, and the bankrupt bluff bank.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZcWJoq4_V4eRk7FcfHylwbTq9Jo3qTvxIGcVwG_e_uEDSEU144swYn4wE2ZPq4PFqJuH2F6zdcWymejz1sPJTY8aF2neK4_xBRWmzLDfhvRNZnojhlvUezMMrpus0TATmynf_R9ptBVWS/s1600/treylogan7.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZcWJoq4_V4eRk7FcfHylwbTq9Jo3qTvxIGcVwG_e_uEDSEU144swYn4wE2ZPq4PFqJuH2F6zdcWymejz1sPJTY8aF2neK4_xBRWmzLDfhvRNZnojhlvUezMMrpus0TATmynf_R9ptBVWS/s1600/treylogan7.JPG" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit;">Every word of this is true and if anyone else says otherwise they are a
liar. It feels good to be back in bloggy
land. Thanks for welcoming me back!!! Truth is ah probably missed yall more
than you missed me hehe. Na miss mo ba ko?? Malaki ngiti!......till now ma blog
has been a taste o sweet and sour chicken. I have to say... I am happy to have
shared , preached, confessed ..... And even when its not been grounded its been
rewarding however hard to digest or unravel for the unsuspecting visitor. I
have laid to rest much here and am grateful for unslung burdens. Success like
that…. It soothes like the warmth of the sun.<br />
So now there are fresh concerns to be fleshed out...... Ones long over due.....
Debts to be paid. Damn the costs..Sometimes the truth has to be dragged into
the light..... And damn the fools who mistakenly think i will just…. roll over
…again……. I have nothing left to lose
…..or give…. and that…… makes me angry for good reason. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit;"><br />
Now i cant take credit here.<br />
<br />
You better make your face up in <br />
Your favorite disguise <br />
With your button down lips and your <br />
Roller blind eyes <br />
With your empty smile <br />
And your hungry heart <br />
Feel the bile rising from your guilty past<br />
<br />
Run like hell indeed. Those that know me best know I don't bluff. It takes
a lot to get me to give up but the bluff bank is bankrupt.<br />
Those that know me the least are my children. To them I owe much... And much of
this blog will be dedicated to helping build relationships torn apart by
divorce. Im sure you can relate. Broadcasting bout the love train can take a
back seat breather. Its my blog but its not always about me. Joy is in the giving……<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a; line-height: 115%;">Side bar:
the gf thing was going along fine…..
until she made a stop in Hawaii on the way home …..to see an exboyfriend
for three days....who was married. WTF
is it with you women who just cannot be faithful. Suko nako.<br />
<br />
Fan.......tastic<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a;">Many more of these stories can
be found at </span><a href="http://www.asktrey.blogspot.com/">www.asktrey.blogspot.com</a><span style="color: #2a2a2a;"> I grew up on Peachtree Drive in Roanoke. I take that
back I was born on Peachtree dr. We
lived there my mom, dad and I until I was about four years old. I have very few
memories of being on Peachtree drive but I do remember going to see our friends
the Argabright’s. I was always glad to go to the Argabright's because the boys
Shannon, Marty, and Will had this great slot car racing track and it was huge.
I did not have big toys like that and wondered why. This was about 1964 to
1967. Life was very simple I do not have many memories of that time other than
going shopping from time to time At the Roanoke Salem plaza. This is a shopping
mall in Salem and at Christmas we would get to ride on the train which was
really a golf cart with red and green decorations pulling some wagons. There was a Woolworths store there that had
fish way in the back and I would go and stare at the fish for hours while my
mom shopped. There was a little toy section and I would go look at the boxes
for hours and hours. Dreaming of having something to play with. It was only one small isle of toys but it was
the whole world for me. I had no friends that I can think of and I spend most
of the time at the house with my mom in a very small two bedroom house and
there was no real television…and only black and white… no TV at all for kids...
the only entertainment was just little simple things like blocks of wood and simple
books. When I was five years old we moved to the house in Botetourt my mom and
dad had built. The neighborhood was still building and they were new houses
coming up all the time and there I made my first friends and went to
kindergarten. Things seemed okay , dad went to work, mom stayed home and I would go to first grade
in a very small school. Back then Troutville elementary was a collection of trailers
and a main building with a gym and the cafeteria was…… a small room in the
basement. Joy was in the form of pizza
or hotdogs for lunch or jump rope and hopscotch at recess. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit;">We only had am radio and then of
course only in the car. No tapes, cds or
even 8 track tapes back then. But the music was still magic…carol king, three
dog night…Chicago. Could it get any better? …don’t answer that…..because it
didn’t really. Not complaining that we
only had one real station…wrov. At least
that’s all I remember. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit;">I was a busy little kid running
and playing and sometimes getting into trouble….. my parents weren't bad to
me..... But there was definitely something missing as they never seemed to
really take an interest in anything I did. I was a very inquisitive little boy
but whenever I asked my parents questions about things they never seem to have
any of the answers and seemed bothered that I would ask them questions. Like I was in the way . I know times were
hard for them ……the new family getting started but I never got the affection that a little child should. So from a very
very young age I learned to depend on myself. My sister came along when I was
five and I have to say that I never treated her as a big brother should.,.
which I regret deeply. I was off doing
my own thing playing with rocks and sticks and mud and rain and running. Riding
my bike along the street for hours….
making little jumps and ramps. I was always having fun even if it was by
myself. I was a well mannered boy in public but I was given to mischief and
playing pranks. But I guess the biggest thing was that I was in charge of my
world. My mom used to take me to the YMCA for swimming lessons when I was six.
She would leave me there with all the other inner-city kids and some of them
did not even have bathing suits so they would go naked. My dad would sometimes buy
me warm cashews from kmart as a atreat. Over
the years I would form many relationships Many of them very close…. Jack Fralin's
dad was a doctor, Johnny Fralins's dad was an architect, Jody Emicks was a
judge, joel woods was a psychologist…. My best friend eventually turned out to
be Chad…we had much in common….his dad had abandoned him as well. One thing was certain …….I was the kid from
the wrong side of the tracks..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit;">Red light: None of
this is an excuse for not being a good dad.
I own my mistakes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: inherit;">Green light: This is
an attempt to reach my children to let them know about the father they never
got. I would love to know what I missed
as well.<br />
<br />
For my daughter: Im sorry I have not
been there for you. It hurts me not to
be the good father you deserve. But chin
up baby girl.<br />
<br />
For my son: Don’t be a poser. Guitar hero is not playing guitar. Nothing
will take the place of being proud of your own achievements. <br />
<br />
You better run<br />
<br />
Bring it......... Bring what you can. But bring your best. You can’t fix the
past....but you can repair the future.<br />
<br />
Postscript: I want to explain that any
contact I have with my kids is an opportunity for my exwife to steal more money
from me that she doesn’t deserve. I have
overpaid her for years and it’s no secret she is financially irresponsible and the
cost to my kids and myself have been enormous.
I would rather die than over pay her one more cent. Those that know me
best …….know……..I don’t bluff. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a2a2a;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Postscript Deux: The
gf thing turned out worse…and more of the same.
Two weeks after the Hawaii trip she gave her number out to another married man who promptly texted and asked if she was available for coffee that
weekend..hahaha so that was the end of that.</span><span style="font-family: Courier New; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-65332451276156541362012-11-26T05:20:00.002-08:002012-11-26T21:18:09.131-08:00Vincents pain, the voice, and the hammock repair store<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbu-moAuj4YVb8CMx9r5Vyh2cOB4evANBV20lARyELNgmjURxVTSdd59i6YVKs9dUDuKOVC8UoTe9yXLdeT6A2vCKc0TF-OlhX6Me1Oh-KCczPt2Dk3_8BmGlZemYewulPn3UL9vOT3qU6/s1600/treylogan.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbu-moAuj4YVb8CMx9r5Vyh2cOB4evANBV20lARyELNgmjURxVTSdd59i6YVKs9dUDuKOVC8UoTe9yXLdeT6A2vCKc0TF-OlhX6Me1Oh-KCczPt2Dk3_8BmGlZemYewulPn3UL9vOT3qU6/s320/treylogan.JPG" width="229" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sorry to be away but thats how it is sometimes....you dont have a choice ........walang magagawa. The blog will be changing again...I owe my kids alot..... so more of this space will be for them.... big smile
<br />
Now I cant take credit here.<br />
<br />
For they could not love you<br />
But still your love was true<br />
And when no hope was left inside<br />
On that starry, starry night<br />
You took your life as lovers often do<br />
But I could have told you, Vincent<br />
This world was never meant<br />
For one as beautiful as you </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Starry starry night indeed. Big smile….. this
one was over due for sure. How perfect a tune. Got anything
better???? I digress….but whose gonna dispute this?
Hindi naranig kita….. ikaw tanga totoo. Bakit makipagtalo???
Ganoon? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sidebar: I saw this great documentary on how Michael
Jacksons friends and attorneys were aghast at how badly the system
(and people) were mean spirited and money hungry to ruin him. I can
appreciate that …truly. I hope my daughter reads this and watches it
because …man …don’t laugh ……that’s me. Tie my hands, take my money, move me to
a different state, brainwash my kids and then proclaim… “See?? I
told he was a bad father”. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Getting divorced was very hard on my daughter and me…..it
wasn’t hard on my wife and me…….I was the only one in the marriage….
Hehehe I remember our dog once ate my hammock…I was furious …..my wifes
response was “”just take it to the hammock repair store”. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blink ..blink……</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Really??</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
…the ….hammock …..repair ….store?….. my exwife…….on her best
day……. was a moron….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the dog destroyed many things….he ate the pool cover…..the
swingset…he ate the deck……the $800 riding lawnmower…one day I was watching tv
and then</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Snow………</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The tv went blank…I looked outside and the dog was dragging
with pride….. 50 feet of cable…… as a playtoy. He was a good dog though
and it was sad when my wife had him put down (of course she told the daughter
he just up and died). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back to the world</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Still happy in my skin….I am rethinking the difference
between the love train and …the marriage train…its easy to confuse the two even
though to say it out loud people always say they understand the
difference. Just like they say…. “oh not all women are the same…..
im not like that”…..Im not so sure….Men and women just want different things……yes
trey logan… you
are a soooooper genius. My wealth as a man is just how good I am at
knowing what you want and need.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
they say your heart grows bigger …after its trashed…in my
case I know that’s so……..big smile.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think there are two kinds of people……..those who watch the
voice and those who know its not even worthy of being called shit and know that
the folks who do watch it ….give morons a bad name. So ill say it…..if
you watch that crap you’re a moron…….…get a life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I saw Kristen stewart on some talk show……I bet she watches
the voice.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Been playin some guitar and singing again. Fun as
always but not playing around town. I saw whats left of pearl jam…..with
…..these……ridiculous hat/masks on……..they ……sucked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I cant take credit here either….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I WHISPERED, 'I am too young,'<br />
And then, 'I am old enough';<br />
Wherefore I threw a penny<br />
To find out if I might love.<br />
'Go and love, go and love, young man,<br />
If the lady be young and fair.'<br />
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,<br />
I am looped in the loops of her hair.<br />
O love is the crooked thing,<br />
There is nobody wise enough<br />
To find out all that is in it,<br />
For he would be thinking of love<br />
Till the stars had run away<br />
And the shadows eaten the moon.<br />
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,<br />
One cannot begin it too soon. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Right now the love train is …….well….lets just say……on the
tracks…hehehe I have a partner and she is proving to be surprising..…which is
good. I will say this…..its hand down………the BEST sex I have ever had in
my life . The second place award is so far behind….you cant even measure
the distance. There is no comparison between past lovers and this one.
Its off the hook ….perfect, wild and intimate all at once.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Red light: don’t count chickens</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Green light: I don’t care!!!!!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For my daughter: I take the blame for many
things…admitting your mistakes is very important …but Its not my fault for
being a bad dad if you refuse to be my daughter….just like its not my fault I
got divorced… I did everything within my power to fix our marriage…your
mother just didn’t want it….eventually she won … I gave her what she wanted …a
divorce. That’s what happens when you shit on someone enough …they give
up. It wasn’t a choice….But the lesson is that it is a two way
street… I have no doubt I could have made my marriage work…if your mother
had helped…...she just didn’t want it and did everything she could to
poison it and eventually she killed it on purpose….. Im better for it…..
you are not…you have to open to heal and if you don’t you will not ever feel
ok. And I know more about you than you will ever know. Your
pain…your anger…..your disappointment…..i was there too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For my son: I miss you buddy. One day you
discover the truth about things.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For you: find a penny</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me: there is no reason to mourn loss if you did
all you could and know that looking to the future is much more comforting than
agonizing over the past. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
know what you tried to say to me<br />
And how you suffered for your sanity<br />
And how you tried to set them free<br />
They would not listen, they're not listening still<br />
Perhaps they never will</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bring it……. Bring good thoughts…….Everything
starts somewhere…if you don’t start it ..…no one will hand it to you. That’s
for sure………and that’s love. I know how you feel Vincent.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
POSTSCRIPT: I hope my bloggy girls are doing ok…my
blog is changing and I wont apologize or look back...but you knew that ....dincha? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-61438515522726325412012-10-27T04:35:00.001-07:002012-10-27T04:35:40.241-07:00102 lbs of soft, the choice, and moved again<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">Tropical
paradise is ripe with a landscape rich in black hair, smiles……...and rice. I can smile too with the understanding that
my past was full of near misses and what would have surely been awful
mistakes. The love train truly is
elusive for good reason and it is not for me to question her reasoning except
to look back and say thank you for not stopping for every Tonya, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">Sarah and
Sally. Yearning for tickets on the love
train is nothing compared to wanting off the bad relationship bus when your
partner is psycho. True that…..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">You think
you’ve got trouble? You want intractable
agony too??? Now I cant take credit
here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">Well he
was cold, tired, and hungry<br />
Came a beggin' for bread<br />
The lady took him in and fed him breakfast in bed<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">It wasn't
me indeed……….well….maybe it was. Hehe….. big smile. Walang Pala mahal. Naintindihan
mo? Masaya niyon ako…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">I had a
discussion with my daughter who said “all the decisions you have made have
brought you here”. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">Really????…I
don’t think this was ALL my decision. I
do like ownership of ones mistakes….. and I have my share to confess…..…but I
think I would have chosen to live in <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:country -region="-region" w:st="on">Monaco</st1:country></st1:place>, be fed grapes and wine by
Asians wearing wicked weasels if I had a choice. Truth is ……not everything is a choice….or id
have chosen the Lamborghini. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">My
marriage was….. on its best day…….a nightmare.
Yeah I chose to get married ……it was a mistake. Did I choose to get out of it? With pleasure…….after her second affair. That I knew about….there were more for sure I
have been told.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">Fan……..tastic<br />
<br />
Red light: then? Young and foolish<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">Green
light: now? Wiser, smarter, faster<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">Kamalian
ko……siempre…. But mistakes are great
teachers too……my heart is still intact……<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">Sidebar:
I miss football…… My health though could
not be better..i have lost a ton of football weight and am rock hard……<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">For my
daughter: I wish things had been
different between us…… to err is human ….….to forgive…..is……. something I hope
you will one day understand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">For my
son: keep your chin up….. follow your
dads words …..learn inner and outer strength…. You will need both. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">For
you: The love train may not stop for you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: -.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">For me: The love train may not stop for me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">
I met a German girl in <st1:country -region="-region" w:st="on">England</st1:country>
<br />
Who was goin' to school in <st1:country -region="-region" w:st="on">France</st1:country><br />
And we danced the <st1:place w:st="on"><st1:state w:st="on">Mississippi</st1:state></st1:place>
at an Alpha Cappa dance<br />
It wasn't me<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">Bring
it…….. dream hard……love big….be desireless …give away kindness…..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 10.0pt;">POST
SCRIPT: No...Im not where you think....hehe</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-61503722086075410842012-06-08T23:03:00.001-07:002012-06-09T00:40:30.274-07:00Little mouse on the prairie, gym dust, and the waiting dating game<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju5SVPVvRPgMh-7rWf3zBxF-LltB9T-xL2DD196p_KL3xVSUoycyVraydzH4j2xZxiMvCWNQV58GQqkNRkvuJxx4inKAkbuVQCLNw-AR7nm2yLoOuR1MbvUK4g_0GuGTwYainDotP0VhVq/s1600/wait.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEju5SVPVvRPgMh-7rWf3zBxF-LltB9T-xL2DD196p_KL3xVSUoycyVraydzH4j2xZxiMvCWNQV58GQqkNRkvuJxx4inKAkbuVQCLNw-AR7nm2yLoOuR1MbvUK4g_0GuGTwYainDotP0VhVq/s320/wait.jpg" width="291" /></a></div>
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Yeah dude…..the mad skills department is open and paradise
is laden with innocence and smiles.
Fools die alone having waited for all that is important to come to the
door. And pride is a prison for one who
holds their breath when every feeling in your body says……..breathe. </div>
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Now I cant take credit here. At all…..</div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">I tossed a poem to the sea<br />
that took with it my questions and my voice<br />
Like a slow ship it got lost in the spray</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">I asked it not to return<br />
without having seen the open sea<br />
and in dreams telling me of its visions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">Even if it didn't return<br />
I would know if it arrived.</span></div>
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Travel the whole life<br />
on the blue calm or foundering in storms<br />
little matters the way if some port awaits</div>
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Dream of the return indeed……Yeah dude….gym dust settles on
the weak ….and a lack of self awareness with a splash of feeble mindedness are the sleeping
companions of those who just don’t understand that you have to SHUT UP AND
TRAIN. Get off that stupid bicycle and
grab some iron. The look on your face (
OR LACK OF) tells me your not accomplishing ANYTHING. Yeah dude…….you look like your watching an episode of little
house on the prairie….</div>
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Fan…..tastic</div>
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Working out should make your face crawl……like listening to
black label society……on 10.</div>
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For the love of Gad ……please tell me you don’t look like
that during sex.</div>
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Wheres the push? The
passion? ….The emotion????? The goal
isn’t to find what is the minimum you can do ….its to find your physical tolerance……and
then some. I hope your face in bed is
not the same as it is in the gym. The
conversation went:</div>
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I work out 4 days a week……..for about an hour.</div>
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So lets see that’s just over 50%……if you count the days …if
you count your hours in the gym lessee that’s …well…….4 hours out 168 per
week…..ida know dude….im pretty sure that’s failing. You give your girlfriend that kind of attention???? Im sure she appreciates that.</div>
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Its supposed to make ya feel like snorting tequila ….if it
doesn’t …. Your doing it wrong. When I
pull your hair and you feel that pressure….just right …..and my hand wraps
around your neck to turn your head and your body tightens so I can breathe what
I want to say in your ear…….. I don’t think little mouse on the prairie comes
to mind. </div>
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SIDEBAR: Been a
little bit disenchanted with folks lately.
It seems I have to drag life out of those who think they will
be alive forever. Not so. Death is permanent
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and long </div>
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from what I gather.
Any arguments??? The unimaginative
have chosen the shackles of compulsion and fatalism of dogma. They are not for me. Enjoy the pain of your world just……stay the
hell away from me. Dotting I s and crossing Ts is nothing next to love.</div>
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Back to the real world</div>
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Ah recently had a discussion with a girl who told me “it’s
the mans choice to marry”. I
disagree. Men chase women…women don’t
chase men. We are the hunters and the
women passively decide who passes their tests and merits companionship. Women don’t “Chase” ….. Men don’t get offers of marriage proposals
…or potential lovers asking for their time…lining up for us to choose …..we
don’t decide…….the woman does. Because
she has many to choose from. Men don’t
get to “choose” who they want…or I would have married jean triplehorn .women
dont line up…. waiting to be chosen.
The woman makes the choice who she will bed with. </div>
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I have a confession.
I do not like a woman whose dating tactic is to see how much work the
man is willing to do for her affection…..that its his job alone to make the
moves. While she sits and does nothing.
( I think most women would deny they do this) As if how much he is
willing to put up with is a test or measure of how much he loves her…… If youra
waitin for me to do all da work ….wait somewhere else……been there …..done that....even if your a virgin....I can surely pass on that with ease. </div>
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Keep your doormat test.</div>
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When was the last time doing NOTHING was a successful plan
for ANYTHING???? You cant do that at your job…with your kids….with any
problem….just do nothing and see if he is willing to do all the
work….yeah…that’s NOT a plan for getting love train tickets. The same is true in bed. Women who just lay there don’t get another
date. Freedom? PASS
Love train tickets? FAIL</div>
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Submissive is sexy….passive is lazy. And I can tell the difference.</div>
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RED LIGHT: if you don’t speak your mind in bed and play
dead…then don’t be upset that your man isn’t doing what you want…. Uh… you
didn’t tell him. Sex is
communication…..and mind reading is NOT communication. Oh… I guess you could wait 20 years for him
to figure it out……</div>
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GREEN LIGHT: Teach
him what you want outside the bedroom…….and inside……</div>
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For my son: Im so
very sorry Im not there. I know what
you are feeling. Because I have been there myself. </div>
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For my daughter:
There is no place to begin to tell you all the things you need to
hear. Your life was torn apart and I
have always tried to let you know that I am guilty of not being around ….please
forgive me. Its true that you deserved
better…and I don’t care if it rings selfish for me to say that I
understand…….because we BOTH deserved better.</div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">I waited so long for the message<br />
that I forgot to return to the sea<br />
and thus I lost the poem<br />
I cried to the heavens all my rancor<br />
I finally found it written in the sand<br />
like a prayer</span></div>
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The sea beat in my veins<br />
and set my heart free</div>
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Bring it………. bring the push. Love happens when your not looking…sure…..but don’t WAIT on
it. …..Unless you plan to live forever. Set it free ...if it comes back to you its yours .....if it doesn't ...it never was....</div>
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Post script: I have a confession…. this song makes me weep instantly………but only the original studio
version with pat metheny and pedro aznar in portugese.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-16624306196536388332012-05-14T05:42:00.000-07:002012-06-12T05:01:33.844-07:00Bench marks in the sand, the kingless sherrif, and 48 kg of pure gold<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2JFg7gPLf0JBSGaZAUwiF0UpdRNegt9AIB15KBWIMDhocK3E94BVFE7oICD9GxwV8wkpi0jm7iUPy2fCl_OtEGBYu0XfzbiK9nF8apcBjJ4hiNd8GfNU985o2S5o8g-cHzt00nof2agOT/s1600/treylogan.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2JFg7gPLf0JBSGaZAUwiF0UpdRNegt9AIB15KBWIMDhocK3E94BVFE7oICD9GxwV8wkpi0jm7iUPy2fCl_OtEGBYu0XfzbiK9nF8apcBjJ4hiNd8GfNU985o2S5o8g-cHzt00nof2agOT/s200/treylogan.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
Yeah dude…… The blog is suffering….ya …..I know…..in quantity and quality. I confess there are other things on my mind lately. I know you understand. So bear with me….self aggrandizing is on the menu today and I confess I am not an idle man …even when I blow my own horn. Now I cant take credit here.<br />
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You can always tell the winners<br />
Saints and the sinners<br />
Down at the starting line<br />
I'm a lucid vision
Of the unforgiven<br />
I'm your wave-tossed guy<br />
King-size repercussions<br />
Trouble by the dozen<br />
Stakes have never been higher<br />
Come back when you're younger<br />
Cuz I can feel the thunder<br />
1-800-It's-Time<br />
<br />
Blood and Fire indeed. Men don’t seem to step out of the “were selfish” line to let others break in….at least not very often. I cant say Im overly proud of that heritage …but over the years I have learned that bringing out the best in your lover is more satisfying than being greedy for attention. Truthfully, men that seek it have a lack of confidence in themselves , and are insecure…..they bark alot…. when there are only girls around of course. Put them in a room of men and the bench warmers rush to the sidelines where they complain rather than bust some ass on the field.<br />
I’ll give you an example. There was this guy who thought I was having an affair with his wife. He was a real common piece of shit. Worthless…no job….controlling, insecure…lazy…a real pussy. And for some reason he was convinced that I was after his rather ugly…..even more stupid wife. His only real course of action???…..try to make my life miserable. When the truth is I wouldn’t have touched her if she begged. Some people are too stupid to realize theyre dumb…...true that. Go ahead dude….borrow some money from your wifes receptionist salary, have another big mac ………and listen to some country music….….your special.<br />
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Side bar: I get asked about kids sometimes…… it’s a touchy subject for me. The condensed movie is never as good as the book but here goes.
I love kids………ALL kids…dating someone with kids is a dream for me because I never got to raise my own. I really enjoyed being a good dad…..i just never got to do it for long since my children were hijacked by my exwife. My daughter will not speak to me …so I have let her go. My son no longer responds to my facebook messages. Its awful to have your life poisoned by people the people you love the most. I have always tried to tell my kids that I know they are unhappy with the way things happened after our divorce but it really doesn’t matter to them. They are kids and it hurts that their dad isnt around to help. And no matter how much explaining I do that there wasn’t a choice…..it doesn’t take away the pain or let us go back in time…..I have freely admitted my own shortcomings in trying to repair things and that I understand how they feel and that I would like for us make things better but …alas my daughter is too bitter to see the light at the end of the tunnel to repair our relationship. The daughter said<br />
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“I don’t want to fix it”.<br />
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In fact my daughter is hell bent on causing me as much pain or extracting as much punishment as possible…..apparently it makes her feel better to ”get back at me” for not being there. The son is a different story. I miss him tremendously but there is nothing to be done.<br />
Sorry to depart there….. but its relevant now because I was asked recently whether I wanted kids…… and yes……I like the possibility of being a good man not only to a wife but the ones she cares for too because…I never got the chance. The past? FAIL……. the future? PASS.
However this girl has no children….so the question is meant another way as in….”I would like children”……. Im afraid surgery has made it too late to think about that……....... I think.<br />
Back to the real world.
Replacing football has been….hard. I miss it……..and its been hard to replace it so ive been spending more time in the gym….which has paid off….small smile. The GF smiles in appreciation when I take my shirt off… and I<br />
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Whats that????<br />
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Yeah the ….GF……. long story….…hehehehe but its developing.<br />
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Where was I?<br />
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Oh yeah……
The volleyball team calls me “papa bear” which I rather don’t mind…its easier than remembering english….…the GF bites my ear and says she wants a “baby bear”.<br />
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As for the football replacement. I am……the new guy. It is clearly his kingdom…he is king. But……..not for long. He struts around, lifting heavy to make sure I know my place in the pecking order. And I am …..
Waiting for my sit…….as they say in surfing. When he is around I lift light….nothing exotic ….giving away no secrets. That’s the way lifting is…..study your opponent…find his weakness…...give away no secrets about your program……..and I have many…..
Smart is ….sexy
we watch each other discretely and he is satisfied that I am not a threat… which makes him even more assure of his prowess. I wait two weeks…letting him bask in his status. And then….its time……..to blow up his world. Today
is the day.
He never looks me in the eye. A sign that he is pretending not to respect me as he prowls the gym. After today he will not look me in the eye for a different reason.
He finishes his bench routine ….maxing out at 275 for 5 reps. He starts to strip the weight.
“leave it” I say
He looks at me …..confused….. and puts a wheel back on the bar.
“can you add 30 for me?” small smile<br />
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RED LIGHT: Don’t underestimate me<br />
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GREEN LIGHT: taking your own medicine is a good thing<br />
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I have a wry grin which is a poor mask for hatred of all things weak… Stillborn on my ipod……cranks my blood. The beta alanine kicks in and my body tightens when I grip the bar…….
I crush 10 ……with power to spare and storm from the bench….hot with destruction for the undeserving who have wrongfully taken from me what is not theirs.
He retreats to the other side of the gym to watch from a distance.
At 410 pounds I am still moving up. More to come.
When I hit 455 I bolt from the bench ….. jacked…. With enough A game in reserve for more. But that is all the schooling he will get today.<br />
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Revised pecking order 101.<br />
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I throw my wrist wraps with complete anger and satisfaction and pass by him casually without a look. Unimpressed. He moves out the way to let me by ….eyes on the ground… And we go up from here…… The new sheriff doesn’t need a king. I think im gonna like this town….hehehe<br />
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and
Oh …..The GF thing. Its ……
Complicated.
She would not be pleased for me to disclose our intimate moments but I will say I was not aware that there were any 34 year old virgins left. And strangely enough….she is mine….. she tells me breathy and softly...….. And quite frankly that commands a tremendous amount of respect….to have that amount of resolve. I am truly speechless to be the chosen one for such a valuable moment. (Off the record….. she is a 48 kg, fit hourglass of smooth skinned perfection and I must confess my satisfaction…….yeah dude…….nuff said)<br />
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For You : Wait for it…..dont settle<br />
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For Me: Practice what you preach son<br />
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It's a world of fools<br />
That's just what's expected<br />
None of 'em know it<br />
Or even suspect it<br />
God must love the lazy<br />
Shiftless and the crazy<br />
(he) put so many in line<br />
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Bring it………..bring some patience. Some things take a long time before they are ready……and that makes it worth the wait. Ya know? Ya know? Some things are ………worth their weight in gold. The love train sure has an odd schedule. Ayos?<br />
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Postscript: big smile...nuff said....and then some hahaha the spartan spark?? Sometimes Im relieved there is no fire.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-59163109553977205962012-04-18T00:43:00.003-07:002012-04-18T01:00:48.114-07:00Tropical boxes, The punkometer on hiatus, and Spartan sparks<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh18zpFtWb6Xvw4E56JhvH4Z7uk1PXMSGFulcGkBKYv-aFV9AoQweSvSHChz38Pg5tuw3NCLEXM3e5vO5LmOMBhZ_mmEztq_UCgMDb1ZMU-Lr689arCHvpd6DPJftDTvHq8bOtOjStfIz_Q/s1600/treylogan.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh18zpFtWb6Xvw4E56JhvH4Z7uk1PXMSGFulcGkBKYv-aFV9AoQweSvSHChz38Pg5tuw3NCLEXM3e5vO5LmOMBhZ_mmEztq_UCgMDb1ZMU-Lr689arCHvpd6DPJftDTvHq8bOtOjStfIz_Q/s200/treylogan.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5732645589401283378" /></a><br /><br />Traversing the desert of companionship is of course little fun sans companion. The same is true of tropical paradise however beautiful it is here. The things that make life worth smiling is in the sharing. True that……. Yeah dude…. I know you know that but sometimes the obvious things in life get buried ….even on the beach. So it’s always good to remember what has value and…..what really is just ……press polish. Cuz the love train sells tickets ….only in pairs. Now I cant take credit here.<br /> <br />It's been such a long time I think I should be goin', yeah And time doesn't wait for me, it keeps on rollin' Sail on, on a distant highway I've got to keep on chasin' a dream I've gotta be on my way <br /><br />Its been such a long time indeed. There is much to learn ….new land…….happy man. Ako ay masaya……tunay totoo. Yeah dude school is in. and you know how ah feel bout 8th grade love. That feeling that ….you just cant control….. that shy smile…just… ..pure comfort……making you weak with need is my goal….. ya know??........<br /><br />Save the mask and spin for someone else……or Halloween if you prefer. Sorry ….I cant share in that….hehehe.<br /> <br />I have always said it is best when its effortless. That connection is …….sweet…… and all too spartan for my liking…….so when there is a spark I rather enjoy the thought of what fires it might bring….. and then of course theres heat. Small smile…….Think of it ….only when theres fire does it get hot. So yeah, I can bite your neck and hold you down …… if you don’t live in a box. Hehehe …….tasty.<br /><br />Of course you have to lose that control in order to come outside. If you cant do that …well…….dont worry…life is long and there are plenty of opportunities for love…..di ba? Mali ka.<br /><br />Fan…..tastic<br /><br />When you have to control letting someone in…..the love train just …..keeps a rollin. The 8th grade checklist is ……well….its…….its…….kinduh……..not like calculus. <br /><br />RED LIGHT let go of control....i didnt say it was easy....but i believe in it<br /> <br />GREEN LIGHT don’t you remember that feeling???? …cuz back then it was all about the FEELING. You couldn’t explain why….you just……liked someone a lot. <br /><br />warm smiles open hearts….. True that dude. <br /><br />It’s a shame ….that thought…. doesn’t survive graduation. Because I rather value someone who not only knows a spark when they see it but wants to share the heat of fire. When you get older……you wont find the love train if you lock your self in a box…….if you work hard to control letting someone in…..<br /><br />And letting yourself……<br /> <br />Out<br /><br />Is zat so??<br /><br />So zat is…..<br /><br />Living in a box isn’t really living….. Trey logan you…….are a soooooper genius. Walang quenta mahal ko.<br /><br />Besides …… who remembers calculus? <br /><br />SIDEBAR: I find that lately I don’t like eating alone……not one bit. Hehehe I think it goes back to sharing……sharing dinner is more than food……sharing a bed is more than sleep…<br /><br />Where was I? <br /><br />Oh yeah…..<br /><br />The punkometer is on hiatus. I wouldn’t mind retiring it as it has been in high gear for quite some time and here…..it might just have outlived its usefulness. Relationships are different here. Is that smart? FAIL Am I worried? PASS <br /><br />For you: Find that spark……. inside yourself. You deserve that.<br /><br />For me: Takin my time…..paradise and the love train go together<br /><br />Well I'm takin' my time, I'm just movin' along You'll forget about me after I've been gone And I take what I find, I don't want no more It's just outside of your front door. <br /><br />Bring it….. bring that spark……My job is to open the door. I’ve taken quite a few hits so we are the same so I understand why tiwalla ang mahirap….and god I miss football…. But really you have to get up to play again. Naintindiihan ka? <br /><br />Post script: I must confess I am happy. Which is a good thing even though my blogging suffers. <br /><br />Postscript deux: Im not inclined usually to leave something unsavory as a part of my blog but believe me when I say I would rather die…….. than return. And I hate being underestimated. Let me be clear…… If you are pursuing my where abouts with any intent other than wanting to reestablish a valuable relationship……. I would advise you to leave me alone because I would do ANYTHING to stop you. I flirted with saying “permanent punishment” but that sounds a bit too poetic when I really mean that I would make it my personal goal to ruin your life. <br /><br />Post script tatlo: some sparks are only that. Just a hint of connection to fade away…….no loss…...the love train moves on.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2654541435495484359.post-24244320030263363792012-01-23T13:03:00.000-08:002012-01-24T11:42:15.094-08:00Low hanging fruit, puttin honey on the fire, and the limbo bar adjustment<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixr0BKbbDtyOkqoRWcGziKhpSL2JVzcL9VENDBNfZlb8mLk5f2er9UkOxu8BrOCJxkSlumS2XI4zDnK_sQAKsEiKYx9X7D_PoQBi246-2qvF6orxclFKzIBxGGxaxaNkt_fqHdPf0U3RZR/s1600/trey+logan.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixr0BKbbDtyOkqoRWcGziKhpSL2JVzcL9VENDBNfZlb8mLk5f2er9UkOxu8BrOCJxkSlumS2XI4zDnK_sQAKsEiKYx9X7D_PoQBi246-2qvF6orxclFKzIBxGGxaxaNkt_fqHdPf0U3RZR/s200/trey+logan.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5700936357670079314" /></a><br /><br />I have ALWAYS had a fascination with water. Yeah dude ….I don’t think that’s unusual…...most folks love bein round it. Water has that affect…ya know??………soothing…..cleansing……..mystical. When I find my pinay…I know she will understand. Now I cant take credit here. <br /><br />Catch a wave and you're sittin' on top of the world <br />Don't be afraid to try the greatest sport around Catch a wave, catch a wave Everybody tries it once Those who don't just have to put it down <br />You paddle out, turn around and raise And baby that's all there is to the coastline craze <br />You gotta catch a wave and you're sittin' on top of the world <br /><br />Catch a wave indeed. Set the limbo bar low baby…Im done with low hanging fruit. The easy catch doesn’t mean the relationship is cake. Besides every relationship has its rough times…its how you get through them together that counts.<br />Im just waitin for my sit…as they say in surfing. The love train is rolling again and I can say with a smile that ahm happy. Ma skin fits me well and my pinay must have the same confidence, happy composure and inner peace as well. I say that because if she has a lot of troubling thoughts..she really isnt going to be much of a partner…the same goes for me and I admit…Im not very good at managing mental illness. I fashion myself as someone who works hard to make sure he is grounded and confident. I want the same in a partner. I realize I need to spend time under a microscope to make sure Im being the best I can be for my lover. For me that’s important. Cuz men are selfish by nature I think. But its not all about me..its about building something together...and that means being selfless. <br /><br />Izat so?<br />So zat is.<br /><br />Trey logan you ….are a soooooper genius. Im not sure being selfish is valuable when it comes to surfing the tidal waves of disfunction relationships can bring. One thing is sure…. If you want to catch a wave…you have to be patient……and chances are you will wipe out more than you will ride to shore on top of the world. And more importantly…..when you wipe out you have to get right back up on that board…… not swim to shore.<br /><br />True that<br /><br />I know things are hard…. There is disapointment…….. food prices, work troubles, dishonest friends…. but my value as a man means being someone you can lean on….everytime. <br />I heard where there are only three great loves in a mans life. Maybe. LOL I guess ahm savin the best for last. Hehehe. <br /><br />Where was I???<br />Oh yeah <br /><br />My last experience was one of infidelity. Am I discouraged? Not really. I just made a bad choice….but I learned from it fo sho. Goin to go back to my thought of "be desireless and give away kindness" I like what that does for my demeanor.<br /><br />RED LIGHT: lemme say I hate the idea of not bein ready for the love train. I think folks want to ride but just arent ready. Having a surf board doesnt mean you can surf. Something told me to be more careful, that she wasnt ready for marriage. But I went ahead anyway. I dont think I made a mistake as much as I learned more about who I am.<br /><br />GREEN LIGHT: Stickin to ma guns. Dont be afraid to hang it out there. Im quite content with my short stint on the love train. She will be back.<br /><br />Lemme say..Im a one woman man. Its not a debate. I date one girl at a time. Period. There are no secrets…..if you plan on keeping some ….then keep them to yourself LOL cause I wont be around to hear your lie about how those mysterious texts “are nothing.....really”. <br /><br />Been there ….caught that. <br /><br />Good plan?? PASS.<br /><br />SIDEBAR: Got a buddy who is having a hard time with his girl. She gave him a dear john letter sayin she needs her independance. They’ve spent a month apart geographically and she has decided that she wants a downgrade from lover …….to friend status. <br /><br />Fan…....tastic<br /><br />He wanted to know if he should change his facebook status. I said no…...just wait. Punching her back wont serve any purpose to bring you together. What you need to do is show her that you didn’t plan to stamp on her independence. Because its about what you share together. And that you don’t run at the first sign of trouble because she needs someone dependable…someone she can trust when there is doubt. So I told him to throw honey on the fire instead.. Chasing her will only drive her farther away. Distancing yourself is even worse. Earn her trust…….. and her heart will follow. If it doesn’t ……your out NOTHING…..wait for the next wave. Is that good advice?? Dunno……but just like the song says …I cant make you love me…if you don’t. <br /><br />For me: Until I find a real good limbo partner…gonna have a frosty beverage and enjoy the view.<br /><br />For you: find us some limbo lessons.<br /><br />They said it wouldn't last too long <br />They'll eat their words with a fork and spoon and watch 'em . They'll hit the road and all be surfin' soon <br />And when they catch a wave they'll be sittin' on top of the world <br /><br />Bring it……bring your heart with no secrets……and Ill bring honey for the fire. My limbo bar is set low. I know you understand this. So come with me and lets lay on the beach together and wait for the tide to come in....I just want to hold your hand and enjoy the sun until surfs up.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5