whatcha ona bout girl???

Low hanging fruit, puttin honey on the fire, and the limbo bar adjustment

2012-01-23T13:03:00.000-08:00

I have ALWAYS had a fascination with water. Yeah dude ….I don’t think that’s unusual…...most folks love bein round it. Water has that affect…ya know??………soothing…..cleansing……..mystical. When I find my pinay…I know she will understand. Now I cant take credit here.

Catch a wave and you're sittin' on top of the world
Don't be afraid to try the greatest sport around Catch a wave, catch a wave Everybody tries it once Those who don't just have to put it down
You paddle out, turn around and raise And baby that's all there is to the coastline craze
You gotta catch a wave and you're sittin' on top of the world

Catch a wave indeed. Set the limbo bar low baby…Im done with low hanging fruit. The easy catch doesn’t mean the relationship is cake. Besides every relationship has its rough times…its how you get through them together that counts.
Im just waitin for my sit…as they say in surfing. The love train is rolling again and I can say with a smile that ahm happy. Ma skin fits me well and my pinay must have the same confidence, happy composure and inner peace as well. I say that because if she has a lot of troubling thoughts..she really isnt going to be much of a partner…the same goes for me and I admit…Im not very good at managing mental illness. I fashion myself as someone who works hard to make sure he is grounded and confident. I want the same in a partner. I realize I need to spend time under a microscope to make sure Im being the best I can be for my lover. For me that’s important. Cuz men are selfish by nature I think. But its not all about me..its about building something together...and that means being selfless.

Izat so?
So zat is.

Trey logan you ….are a soooooper genius. Im not sure being selfish is valuable when it comes to surfing the tidal waves of disfunction relationships can bring. One thing is sure…. If you want to catch a wave…you have to be patient……and chances are you will wipe out more than you will ride to shore on top of the world. And more importantly…..when you wipe out you have to get right back up on that board…… not swim to shore.

True that

I know things are hard…. There is disapointment…….. food prices, work troubles, dishonest friends…. but my value as a man means being someone you can lean on….everytime.
I heard where there are only three great loves in a mans life. Maybe. LOL I guess ahm savin the best for last. Hehehe.

Where was I???
Oh yeah

My last experience was one of infidelity. Am I discouraged? Not really. I just made a bad choice….but I learned from it fo sho. Goin to go back to my thought of "be desireless and give away kindness" I like what that does for my demeanor.

RED LIGHT: lemme say I hate the idea of not bein ready for the love train. I think folks want to ride but just arent ready. Having a surf board doesnt mean you can surf. Something told me to be more careful, that she wasnt ready for marriage. But I went ahead anyway. I dont think I made a mistake as much as I learned more about who I am.

GREEN LIGHT: Stickin to ma guns. Dont be afraid to hang it out there. Im quite content with my short stint on the love train. She will be back.

Lemme say..Im a one woman man. Its not a debate. I date one girl at a time. Period. There are no secrets…..if you plan on keeping some ….then keep them to yourself LOL cause I wont be around to hear your lie about how those mysterious texts “are nothing.....really”.

Been there ….caught that.

Good plan?? PASS.

SIDEBAR: Got a buddy who is having a hard time with his girl. She gave him a dear john letter sayin she needs her independance. They’ve spent a month apart geographically and she has decided that she wants a downgrade from lover …….to friend status.

Fan…....tastic

He wanted to know if he should change his facebook status. I said no…...just wait. Punching her back wont serve any purpose to bring you together. What you need to do is show her that you didn’t plan to stamp on her independence. Because its about what you share together. And that you don’t run at the first sign of trouble because she needs someone dependable…someone she can trust when there is doubt. So I told him to throw honey on the fire instead.. Chasing her will only drive her farther away. Distancing yourself is even worse. Earn her trust…….. and her heart will follow. If it doesn’t ……your out NOTHING…..wait for the next wave. Is that good advice?? Dunno……but just like the song says …I cant make you love me…if you don’t.

For me: Until I find a real good limbo partner…gonna have a frosty beverage and enjoy the view.

For you: find us some limbo lessons.

They said it wouldn't last too long
They'll eat their words with a fork and spoon and watch 'em . They'll hit the road and all be surfin' soon
And when they catch a wave they'll be sittin' on top of the world

Bring it……bring your heart with no secrets……and Ill bring honey for the fire. My limbo bar is set low. I know you understand this. So come with me and lets lay on the beach together and wait for the tide to come in....I just want to hold your hand and enjoy the sun until surfs up.

Coffin nails, the gods of love chemistry, and a farewell to broken rollercoasters and the circus on wheels

2012-01-13T07:36:00.001-08:00

Big smile…….its not that theres so much to say as there is so much to chronicle. Firstly…I have missed you all and am relieved to know bloggyland is still churning out great stories and therapy in my absence!!! Hehehehe Yeah dude…roll with me on this…Ah left the US planning to get married….well…..Ah got the first half of that done..hehehehe.. Now, I cant take credit here.

Do you remember the last time I said
If I ever thought about lying,
I'd rather think of dying instead
And maybe you remember the last time you called me
to say we were through
How it took a million tears
just to prove they all were for you
But those days are through

Cause it wouldn't have made any difference, if you loved me indeed. Lemme say this process is a pouring out, so it might make a mess on the floor but on the upside, it means ma glass is clean and ready to be filled. So smile with me and let me tell you a story.

I have a confession. I was READY to get married…...before I had even touched her. Ahm gonna open with that…..

In getting ready for the trip, she told me in order for her to maintain honor we would have to appear married in public. She would have someone draft fake marriage papers and I agreed to buy some fake wedding rings for us and bring her a promise ring until we got the real things. My budget was really thin because it cost so much to get there and I needed expenses for at least a month.. And I had to pack very light but I was ready.
I finally arrive and….
Its magic…inside and out…..for both of us. At night….her body and heart are bare for me to take. We enjoy every touch, her body under my hand, her smile and eyes big and bright with need and satisfaction. We are a tangle of flesh. …..Hot……..sweaty……. complete intimacy….. like in your dreams……rough and soft…….out of control. Laughing like we had always been together. She is sweet to the core and I adore her.

The first indication that there are mirrors and smoke is …..she smokes......her health Is a disaster...... and has ....UNTREATED breast cancer. Instead of being upset that she has hidden all that from me…. I tell her I love her and we will fight together….even though she WILL be dead in a few years.
I cant define when things slowly go down hill or when they just plain freefall into hell. Needless to say such a determination matters not to a man who is plummeting toward his death from 30 thousand feet.
Three days into the trip…. She tells me NONE of my clothes are fit to wear in public and I look like a construction worker.

Then …She says there is something fishy about me.

Then …She has “doubts” about me.

Then…. She has a fit that the rings are “fake”

Then… She says I was supposed to impress her with my wallet.

Fan…….tastic

At this point ….I put a halt to the circus on wheels….. I tell her that “if I had wanted a woman that wanted me to impress her with my wallet …I could have found that back in the US……and not traveled all the way around the world and spent $3000.

RED LIGHT: wallet hunting is a no no

GREEN LIGHT: Men like to be approached for who they are...not what they can provide.

It makes no difference what color the nail in the coffin is. Even if you pull it out…….the corpse remains.

Things devolved from there.

SIDEBAR..... There is ONE thing in my book that completely totals the love train. Infidelity is ......without question a one way street. You will not recover, rebound or fix a relationship with me once you turn that corner.

She tells me she has a presentation on Friday. It will last all night.
She spends a few late nights “preparing” for the presentation.
The night before……we go out and I gladly BUY her a black purse she needs to match the dress she is BORROWING from a friend for the event.
The next day she returns from work with a NEW black gown with a tag still on it, NEW shoes….and leftovers from chilis.

AH hafta say it takes BALLS to bring me leftovers that another man bought..….and have me buy a you a new purse for a date with another man...and still Im not connecting the dots ….

I watch as she spends three hours getting ready. Boy this is a formal event. Manicure, pedicure, makeup, hair, her friends pour over her forever as she gets ready and they take pictures once she is done.

She leaves and is gone …….all night

And doesn’t return until 6 pm ……..THE NEXT NIGHT. 6.......PM ..... thats the number six with a P and a M...you read that right. Im still calm. stupid......but calm.

The next day…..Her facebook page has 50 pictures of her and some old man in a tux arm in arm at some military ball. Her phone gets a text from him that says "good morning sunshine"….and later he texts “do you need all of the money now??”
Then I accidentally found her yahoo account open .....I looked.... sure enough....Im not sure how many other men were there...wanting a date but lets just say i didnt feel the need to count them all.
Then I found out she was back on the dating site where we had met.
Then just for fun I looked on another dating site...there she was again
and then I looked at a 3rd dating site...she was there too..all active in the last 24 hours...
Then I found another facebook page she had created with just one male friend…. She cleverly changed her name slightly to hide it from me…(how many names does that make she has now???? (Seriously…. I counted 5 versions of her name...same person).

I finally broke at that point…. A little late ya think?

I typed “amazing….you’re a piece of shit” …..send.

No remorse. These are only the highlights……Big smile..I wont bore you with all the other events which took me for a ride…..but there are more..hehehe

Love? Fail……Am I ok ? Big pass.
Trey logan ….you ..are a sooooper genius.
hahaha. But its nice to have saved ma skin and my teeth by the skin of my teeth. So seriously …this has been a success. I avoided a bad mistake.

For me: Lots of good lessons learned for me. And I don’t mind the “I told you so’s.”

For you: Don’t be afraid to let down the walls….love is still there... even though things might not go your way right now.

No one else could change my mind or
stop me coming home to you
But those days are through

Bring it…….bring a new chapter. The Love train is rolling again……Still….the journey is the goal…together…...not the destination. I am anxious for a new chapter….still…the old chapter was an interesting ride….even if a broken rollercoaster….. The gods of love chemistry just cant agree on where my girl is. LOL Am I upset? Not really……Glad my heart is intact ready to give away when its right……and I am on my way again.

Postscript: I selflabel myself as a realist...but ....i guess the punkometer needs a recal.... hehe I realize I said in this post that there were other guys wanting a date from her...... thats the 8th grade boy coming out in me. I may have missed the mark.........wide.
I could have called them johns or customers. I think this post may paint her as a scam artist..true...but i think it says alot about who I am.....and my shortcomings......oh well.... the tide shes a comin in.......gotta get ready for the next wave. Ciao

MY pinay, counting chickens, and an end to square holes

2011-08-24T11:39:00.001-07:00

No .......I was NOT expecting it.....at all. I guess thats what happens when youre not lookin where your goin. You trip..... you fall..........I fell

I fell hard

Lemme say ....I havent been this happy.......and hadnt thought about marriage for a while. OK maybe Im counting my chickens but....true love is rare......
and you KNOW how ah feel bout that! ....... Big smile.

Now I cant take credit here.

I was so lonely until I met you
Told myself I’d get by without love
Drownin’ my sorrows
Avoiding tomorrows
Kind of felt that I just had enough
You light up my face with your jokes and your smiles
And the way that you came here tonight
Don’t know what you got
But I’m sure glad I found you
Could be wrong but it sure feels right

Back on my feet again indeed. Its hard to walk....... when you feel like running.....when it feels so good. But I have been here before........and so have you.
The older I get the more I want to do things the right way........come hell.........or high water be damned. Im not always proud of my choices....I have a checkered bad boy past that will not be fit for monarchy or the monastary. But I set my bar high for people that dare get close.and......I am not alone.....I know you understand this.

And.....regreatably I am not willingingly a card carrying member that subscribes to 7times 70. and yes...I admit my past is littered with those who would no doubt proclaim that number in my world is far too small to be included in the definition of generous forgiving. Yes I have my own faults...... I admit it. But I have to say....finding someone who loves me....just the way I am is something you cant enjoy until you experience it for yourself. No round pegs. No square holes.

I have been guilty of saying that there will not be another.

I was wrong.

The sermon keep your heart open........is medicine I love to share.
And......sometimes you cant appreciate being sick until you take your own medicine.
Even if this doesnt turn out to last ....I wont look back with regret because I put my heart on the block for her.
The love train has few tickets and I.........

have two......but......

not for long.

My pinay wants one of them.... and I.....
smile when I think that she can have it in her right hand......
because I
have plans

for her left hand

The past is
gone.

And.....I know that there have been times for you and me that this fact has been a source of incredible pain and loss. I understand......but........
The love train stops......only for those who are ready to let go of the past.

I am also a man who,....... when he is at his best ....brings out the best in his lover
.....and to my surprise...... she is bringing out the best in me.

For you: Love rules.......not the paycheck, not the car, not the size of the house, not even falling in love with saying "hes a doctor, lawyer or indian chief" to impress your friends. Call me in 15 years and let me know how that worked for ya..

For me: Love rules........ and when the love train stopped....Im glad I was ready.....big smile.

Surprised at myself
For the way that I feel
So happy that you’re
Here with me
Some women I’ve known
They’ve left me with nothing
But I guess that was just meant to be
And here I am
I’m back on my feet again
Here I am
I’m back on my feet again

Bring it...........bring the love train. Keep your games. Keep your lets see if I can get him to chase me. Keep your walls. Keep your check lists, keep your dont answer the phone when I call, keep your dont call me back right away, keep your lets make him jealous and see what he does texts and your Im gonna play dumb emails..... you can use them on the next guy.....coz guys like me are 5 on every street corner.....big smile. She has everything...all the inner beauty that I have always searched and longed for......... I'm......... gone......

POSTSCRIPT: The blog may be taking a recess.....which is better than a break! I hope to come back with good news for me....and I hope to find you all doing well.....so long for a bit my good friends...keep blogging.....XXXX OOOO Trey Logan you .....are soooper genius. Hahahaha...

Love rules, serendipity on a budget, and the monkey spanking

2011-06-29T14:07:00.000-07:00

Yeah dude……….turning good corners of late…..small smile….I cant really take credit for serendipity in my pocket but its nice when she spills out. Help yourself…..small smile….Some good things just aren’t by design and if fortune favors the foolish……..then Ida be pleased to share everything ……even if it only amounted to a little bit o spare change.
Now I can’t take credit here.

You want my love and you cant deny
You know its true, but you try to hide
You turn down love like its really bad
You cant give what you never had
Well bless your soul, you can fool a few
But, I know the truth and so do you

Cant hide love indeed. LOL well….but you sure can destroy it….…that is if you can find it. Small smile. Serendipity is sometimes on a budget.
Does ANYTHING get better than old earth wind and fire????? And don’t try to compare them with Todd Rundgren …or Steely Dan…cant be done….even though both are the fushizzle. For me that time was still the bomb……never realized how much The Ohio players rode their coat tails….. but you can really hear the influence!!!!….Trey Logan you ……are a soooooper genius.
Ya gotsta love this. I was at the gym the other day. Struttin around….pushin big weight. …..Talkin to all the loveley ladies. About an hour into my work out I look down and ……my shorts are on inside out. It was great.
The guitar pic is courtesy of SKB. She and I have an interesting thing goin on. Its good for both of us. We have a long lost history. The origins of which are……well….too funny for me to expose here because I respect her too much. Neither of us could do justice to labeling exactly where we fit……..suffice it to say we both value each others time and I would hate to lose that or tarnish what has been a good experience for both of us. Daddys crystal ball wont tell me how this will all end up…. But I’ll say its deep open, and honest enough to survive either of us possibly getting a call that ….the other has found someone else interesting. However I could be wrong and get a big monkey spanking for being a worm.
NEWSFLASH: No need to worry further bout round 7. small smile. She just got married! And…….gym girl.. …..laughing now…..called me….ready?....... a playa. She tried to apologize and all I could do was smile and say “some people are just better than others at crushing love”……and not to worry ……..men like me are a dime a dozen. 3 on every street corner.
The punkometer ……be needin a bit o calibration…….wry smile……got taken by the “love to go no show” act…followed by the classic three day later “can we do it again?” act II.

A……mazing.

Act III is usually me hitting the defriend button without remorse……big smile. Not to worry…..men like me are a dime a dozen…… 3 on every street corner.
Teeny finally got the axe …….right in the MIDDLE of a chat on Facebook. When I got.

“I don’t play head games with you”

I was……immediately……HOT.

She didn’t get a response. What she got was

UN……….FRIEND

Signed sealed delivered…..Im …LOL…..not yours! S’all good. Gettin the message ?.....PASS. FAIL? …no thank you. The love train moves on.

I was born yesterday………. but I stayed up all night. Who bluffs without a hand? ….or chips?

SIDEBAR: I like having a positive outlook…(although I label myself a realist)..but I think Im going to reserve this sidebar space for stuff that …….might deserve some wrath…….and especially so if its therapeutic for me….even if my underbelly shows. Lemme say Im getting old. When I see ANYONE wearing tapout T shirts…..they usually look like they …..should NOT be wearing them. I mean seriously. If youre gonna wear tapout clothes then you better weigh more than 142 and less than 342 lbs. And another thing. Don’t wear black dress socks with your tennis shoes to the gym. Don’t do it………..Just ………..don’t. It makes you look like a moron. Correction …….you look like a moron. Dude….wheres your helmet? Youre wearing black socks to the gym……you MUST have a helmet. I hate to say it but I actually put a sign up in the gym…

PLEASE DON’T WEAR BLACK SOCKS TO THE GYM……JUST DONT

Lastly …….please don’t argue that Phil Lesh is a good bass player. ……….he’s not. In fact don’t even think it.

Back to the world. Been missin football. I have to admit it. But I suppose a year off is good to work on some things………… I take that back. It sucks. I seriously hope it will be different next year. I ran into a linebacker I played with two years ago …..some fist bumps at the liquor store and he asked if I was playin. We had the same story. Went and saw what was an obvious disaster and we agreed “not gonna waste my time”. Its nice when two blokes are on the same page. Its a lot easier than gettin a guy and a girl on the same page……. True that.
Read an article that says that attractive women have so many suitors …that they cant make a decision on which one to marry. Interesting.

I say love rules. I guess not everyone agrees.

They also go for less attractive men …who have power and money. LOL didn’t know they needed a study to prove that. Lessee how that works for you in ten years. Hehehe Apparently when an argument comes up the attractive man says ““This is your problem, you deal with it” whereas the unattractive hubbies were more apt to say things like, “I'm here for you — what do you want me to do? How can I help you?'". Do you know what this means??? Im ugly. Hehehe.
I read another article that said the number one regret people have in life when they look back is romance gone bad. ……True that.
I confess I pine for women that shine and sparkle. It’s a flaw…. On both fronts…The pining is silly because chasing happiness is nothing next to being happy…and the shine and sparkle quality is exactly the wrong thing to pine after. Flash over substance is a real …..letdown….Ya know? Ya know? Been there before. Gotsta be changin ma ways. However in the meantime ……theres a 27 year old filly that ……gave me her phone number. We had decided to get together to …….hangout…..and we both made it clear it was not……. a date. But I bailed on the whole thing a few hours before we were to …. Hook up. LOL every once in a while ………..I get it right.

For you: Stop and smell some summer roses. Cause winter comes all too soon.

For me: Lately Ive been thinking along the lines of “be desireless ….give away kindness”. I like that perspective and what it does for my demeanor. Im proud when Im selfless. I hope others can see that. A fools dream possibly but I like spreading something that shines. Cuz sometimes……I let myself down.

You cant hide love, you cant now
You cant hide love, its got ya
Betcha you want my love, I betcha
You cant hide feeling inside

Bring it………bring the dog days of summer…..LOL better than the dog days of war…fo sho. Grilling out has been fun so far. Even if Im not the best at it.

POSTSCRIPT: Timing is SUCH a funny thing. And sometimes I DON’T get it right. My armour has some chinks in it. I confess. When the call came that SKB was seen out with an ex……….I was hit with one of those dilemmas where your damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Surely I could have handled it another way…with a calm head….but no………I called the young filly back.
“How bout tonight?”
“sure, Im up for ANYTHING”.

POSTSCRIPT DEUX: yeah dude. Like I said sometimes I get it wrong. Just when you think something goes bad you realize its actually worse….. the fallout doesn’t always fit the crime but sometimes I react in my best interests when I see you set the bridge I built on fire by helping……..blow it up. SKB gave me some advice which turned out to be catastrophic. So much so in fact that it felt like being molested by your dad while he sold you some amway sex toy pyramid scheme. We will NOT be speaking again.

Engineered magic, charming swine, and the kingpin of down time

2011-05-31T14:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah dude…..new beach towels, blender, and huge tub of boat goodies are headin to the lake. The pools gonna be open and some offers in life are only made once. ….small smile…. Family, friends, late nights and late mornings on the water come highly recommended. Being the kingpin of downtime…….is tough. I suppose Pink Floyds wish you were here would be appropriate. But I have other things on my mind.
Now I can’t take credit here.

One plush summer you come to me ripe and ready
And bad through and through
With that deep mystical soul synergy pumping steady

Two against nature indeed. Falling in love makes you vulnerable….. exposed…..helpless….love isn’t something you can stop….so yeah….fight to control it and it will evaporate …just like that…….

Problem is…folks don’t want to be out of control. They want to be in love …but they still want to keep those walls in place. They want to be chased…...but not caught. Theyre proud of their independence and life on “uncatchable island”. That way………you can’t get hurt.

“no one gets in here………..alive”

Fan……tastic

That’s a great plan. No one gets in. You don’t get out. I definitely want some o that…... small smile. You cant have your cake and eat it too.

I think a lot of folks forget that. They have one foot in and one foot out. Whats the old saying? A monkey doesn’t let go of a branch unless they have hold of another one? True that.

The love train doesn’t ship engineered magic. You have to make it together. I think that gets lost on people from time to time. We like our food fast and our internet quick…….and tasty love?….well…….. instant mash taters it aint……it don’t come in a box waiting for you to open it. Trey Logan you…..are a sooooper genius.

I still go back to that feeling of 8th grade love.

its best when its effortless.

…..Cool

Nowadays there are kids, bills, gas prices, bills, gas prices, and of course a marriage history that’s well……..a real good reminder that love can be dangerous…....and painful.

Self preservation I guess is a natural thing. Throw enough car crashes in and soon……drivin aint so fun. I feel ya. Who wanna get hurt? True that……..better than that….

Who wanna get paid???

One things fo sho…….

You don’t play……..you don’t get paid..

Playin football is a blast. But I gotsta tell ya. Sittin on the sidelines during a game……..sucks. Yeah its safer. You cant get hurt…..but ..whats the point if you aren’t IN the game? Ya feel me?

I see a lot of folks like that. …….Closed off. protective, guarded, …….unavailable. Mirrors don’t typically lie…….at least I don’t think so.

Zat so?

So zat is………

Yeah dude…self medication dawg. Get in line. I don’t always listen to what I preach. Surprise surprise.

SIDEBAR: Aw dude……I hate seein folks hangin onto a bad relationship. You know whats worse? Takin the fool……. BACK. Does ANYONE respect that? Jeesh. ….. Lemme say it speaks of something lame when a woman takes back a proven loser who whimpers and whines and begs her a thousand times for months to take him back …..after they’ve proven they don’t have balls. Has anyone EVER looked back and said that was a good idea??? Weak? PASS Smart? FAIL…..I have never understood why no means “just ask me 500 times and eventually I’ll say yes.” Rinse …..Repeat. Repeat.

If you lie down with dogs……..your guilty by association.

Proprietary purgatory fo sho

Fan……….tastic

Charming swine make grapefruit wine. Enjoy.

I like being the best of both worlds. I don’t always succeed though. A good man/.bad boy though means you have to bring your A game. I cant bring out the best in my lover if WE don’t connect. So the walls have to come down. I think people forget that. I think a lot of folks sit back and measure you up, grade you, evaluate you ………and then decide “no way” when they discover your not willing to pull 90% of the work. All the while failing to look in the mirror to see what theyre doing to make something genuine happen.

What meal you gonna catch with tricks, lines, and bullshit for bait??….…

Don’t think Im hungry just cuz it wiggles. You put in your own time around here homey. Make no mistake….if it tastes good then Ill tie you up and make sure you get lots of good attention with just the right amount of pressure….. but that will only happen …if youre available.

If not then ..….I can skip a meal…… small smile.

Oh…..and stay the HELL away from me.

For me: Chillin……The love train is on her own schedule……Im happy in my own skin of late…small smile…searching for happiness is nothing compared to being happy. Lately that comes from not bring a prisoner to desires……and giving away kindness…..big smile…....and vacation is coming.

For you: I want to see that look in your eyes.. I cant make you feel safe and secure if you’ve got a killer grip on that lock …AND the key. Im not sayin its easy cheesy lemon squeezy. …sigh…some things ya hafta work for.

With the long weekend that's comin' up fast
Let's get busy
There's just too much to do
That black mini looks just like the one she's been missin'
Feels good on you

Bring it……..bring you’re A game. The past is the past. Freedom will set you free.

POSTSCRIPT: The weekends only shortcoming was that it was ........ short. My son got his first real taste of knee boarding.....which he NAILED. Lately Ive been calling him crackshot after his first BB gun ability. hehehe

The gold knight, the spring sun, and the things you see when you haven’t got yer gun

2011-05-07T09:17:00.000-07:00

Ah…..dude ….the boat needed some TLC…..and I was glad to give it. Been neglecting giving the Tifosi….(yes that’s her name) some well deserved attention. She got some wash and wax for her body…..some stain for her wood……..some caulk for her seams…….and we’re both happy bout that. Its not really so much of a chore when you’ve got Bob Marley cranked up and cold lime flavored beer in buckets of ice. The pre summer sun is sweet ya know? Ya know? Not punishing like in August. Mmmmmmm some things just make you feel good. Got a power steering leak I need to fix permanently…..and maybe an oil change next trip down…….. and shes ready for the summer. Took her out for a quick trip on the lake and she sounds wonderful. Oh…I need a new flag on the bow. Any ideas? Hehehe Now I cant take credit here.

I Want To Love You (P.Y.T.)
Pretty Young Thing
You Need Some Lovin' (T.L.C.)
Tender Lovin' Care
And I'll Take You There

Pretty young thing indeed. But old school rules. Small smile…..

Aw dude. An old couple came in the other day and its hard to describe how cool it was to see them sooooooo stiiiilll in love. Lemme say PDA’s don’t turn my stomach at all ……sorry. She said they had been together since they were sixteen and man ….talk about envious. Unbreakable, unshakeable, REAL love. Lifetime tickets on the love train…… cool……

Its always best when its effortless. True that.

The modern savage isn’t the brightest animal….an A+ student of communication I ….am not. …I admit it…I need you’re help. Bad boys don’t train well…knowing that its not always about me is a good start. But bein a good lover comes from understanding …..YOU. That you want comfort……. to feel safe and secure, to be cherished AND ravaged by someone in charge and in control.

None of this is possible ……unless you trust me.

THAT………. I have to earn. Chase you? No………earn your trust? Yes. But I can only earn it if you’re willing to let me. Am I a threat to your comfort zone? I better be…..
But you have to trust me to push you out of your comfort zone …….and bring you back. I’d rather see you smile cause I give you lots of goooood attention. That’s different than chasing you. Ya feel me?
A guy that chases you is probably insecure and jealous…..(not to mention it makes you run the other way) and his idea of making you feel protected is to smother you and lock you up so no one else can tempt you. Uh….…that’s not love…it’s a dysfunctional prison in disguise.
You’ll only feel protected when you trust me enough to approach me. No cat. No mouse. No chase.
Dare I say it? Being restrained is an act of trust. To take you there and bring you back.

SIDEBAR: Good gosh Ive lost thirty pounds of football weight! Don’t mind putting some o that back on for sure….. but I guess its all good in the long run cuz it wasnt the healthiest……had someone close mention I was built like a tank. Hehehe have to admit it was nice to get to the gym and see the runts scatter. But deep down I know this is better for me health wise. So I should shut up.

Where was I ?

Oh yeah….

Got a friend who finally saw the light and got rid of the shitty boyfriend shes suffered with for 9 months. Good on her. It was SUCH a good decision because she realized she wasn’t available for Mr right…when he came along……. as long as she was dating Mr. handicapped. No job, a manipulator, always begging for attention, controlling, lousy in bed, caught cheatin,…for her it was a rebound trap fo sho….straight out of the marriage she picked a loser just like the one she had before……the first one up to the plate…. She went right from that to her high school fantasy guy ….he proved to be worse still. They hadn’t seen each other in a long time. He was in town all week but didn’t see her until he was on his way out of town….in the afternoon…after he used all his prepackaged lines on her…getting in all the sales tricks as fast as possible…with time running out…..he declared that they could fool around

If she wanted
as long as…….

Ready?

they didn’t kiss…. Why? …..He said it was too personal.

Fan…….tastic

The things you see when you haven’t got your gun.

The drive thru Cassanova.

No wonder y’all think there’s a mancession. I always say NO relationship is better than a bad one. I was proud of her ….she turned his wildly piss poor offer down.

A moron can read Shakespeare…….but that don’t make him noble.

Just cuz a guy says something …don’t make it so. Oh…..you knew that ….…didn ya?

I try to keep my blog as open testimony. Which is sometimes easy and sometimes er…..not so much. Disclosure about who I am is therapeutic …even if painful sometimes. But I maintain that a man should have only good secrets and I am not above the law.

Theres this……. overly attractive…girl (LOL ok ok woman) my age. Shes…..well…….an easy 10.3 on the Dudley Moore scale. Exceptionally beautiful, bright, in shape, smart, funny, sexy, coy……you get the picture. If she were to throw herself in front of the hookup bus every man on the planet would get off and help her to his bed..……in exacting terms…… a trophy wife. The hubby has his long list of accomplishments (They recently went on a vacation and Im told he wore a suit) so hes the typical “work comes first” “you’re an ornament” guy.

Shes……….not happy. “We don’t have anything in common”.

I’m …not the smartest……so lots of things just go over my head but eventually she makes it clear that…….if I am willing……..shes mine to enjoy. Once…….or…….I could go ring shoppin should I dare.

Did I mention shes NOT happy?

We have a very good relationship….and if both of us REALLY wanted ….things might be very different. Except

I’m not for sale.

Of course everyone in the gym thinks im insane but……….I don’t want to be the clean up artist for someone who “chose” to be a trophy wife. I know shes trapped at home but I have to confess…….If you made the choice based on the guys resume ……..then you cant earn my sympathy. Wasted Time? PASS Love? …….FAIL.

I like the thought of being the knight in gold armor ……but not for someone who got a cushy 20 year ride because they look great….and then decided they really wanted a life partner twenty years later.

No deal.

I like the REAL fushizzle…..with a lime. Its not very special if every man will take it. If any man is willing to lay down with you …its kinda up to you to tell the difference between a knight and ……..a guy with a sales plan. How hard can that be? ……don’t answer that.

For you: Be careful of venal choices……especially if you done did that befo.
Tinker tailor soldier spy …..a man in disguise will not give you his heart. Caveat emptor my love.

For me: Im in a much better place. Enjoyin the horizon and not worryin….the punkometer is workin and Im goin on vacation soon.

Nothin' Can Stop This Burnin'
Desire To Be With You
Gotta Get To You Baby
Won't You Come, It's Emergency
Cool My Fire Yearnin'
Honey, Come Set Me Free

Bring it………….bring the summer sun…….and a summer night……mmmmmmm……..even the morning spring sun sun feels good ……..on the water.

A Phoenix, A Mclovin attack, and the secondhand Krugerrand

2011-04-23T10:30:00.000-07:00

Aw dude…things just ………don’t go according to plan. Football training, a small shoulder injury, and too much cardio have conspired (hehehe) to make me lose too much weight. The record attempt will have to wait till august. Ahm not happy bout that……Ahm not happy that the team looks sooooo bad that I don’t EVEN want to waste time with it. Big frown……….truthfully….both of these is a big let down because I spend a tremendous amount of energy on both. But truthfully I weighed way too much and it wasn’t very healthy…..and NOW…. Ive got lots of time on the lake this summer! Now I cant take credit here.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Blackbird indeed. The end of the road is nothing to a bird and I am resourceful if nothing else. Change of plans……Gain some weight……..and nail it in august. Blackbird or phoenix…makes no difference….small smile…..I don’t kill easy.

I read where couples that stay together challenge each other in new ways….. Id agree with that… cool. I like tryin new things and challenging my partner to do the same. I can see why that would make for a long relationship. Ya know ya know?

Finding someone you can live with ………really isnt a plan when love demands you should find someone you cant live without.

I wouldn’t want to be a man that you could predict too easily. You wouldn’t want that in ten years. Leaving you a sweet note in a hiding place would work much better. So I have to be on my toes to be a good partner. That also means getting through disappointment or tough times. I don’t always get it right. But I do my best to weather bad news. SO…………….yeah I wanted to break that record and play football this year BAD………but ……..now I can work on my abs and hit it in august at the powerlifting meet in Charleston……..and football will be there next year……small smile. Make the best of it…..you and I only go round once….even if I feel like a second hand krugerrand.

Had a buddy of mine (preacher’s son) casually tell me about how he and his 3 room mates ran a train on some girl he picked up at a bar. They then took her to a local golf course at 2 a.m. then left her to get soaked by the sprinkler system, high tailed it back to their apartment, threw her stuff out the window and locked the door for the rest of the nite.

Nice…….

The same guy is also married to one of the richest and most attractive girls in town.

Super nice…….

The punkometer continues to pay for itself. Been ignoring several from my past that still don’t understand that the punkometer doesn’t forget. Mailney, round seven, too young overly sexting chick. Its seems a month off means Ive rested up so you can bring the same stinky shit you brought last time …..dressed exactly the same….and try to string me along again. Hehehe Or maybe its just my turn in the rotation. Either way….your still off……. cuz…….

I was born yesterday……

But I stayed up all night.

Punkometer? PASS. Takin out the trash? PASS. Playin games for attention? DOUBLE FAIL

Besides Im in a good place right now. Reality trumps all. Again. Small smile.

Sidebar: For some strange reason….when I’m nice to folks they take it as

A) I’m interested…and run away

B) I’m an easy catch….and run away

C) They’ve already caught me…and run away

Bwwahhhaaaaa! Blink blink. Whatever your convictions….whatever your reservations about me. Make no mistake…..youve made a mistake if you think a Mclovin attack will work…all it does is tell me youre Mcaverage……gots me a better idea……. How bout usin that weak transparent phony act on someone…..anyone else…. K?! K?! Hehehe. The love train doesn’t stop for attention swindlers. Ever.

Lemme speakonit for a sec…….

Its interesting that I hear women say they don’t want head games….but that’s apparently a popular method of choice for fishing a partner. Openly confess they want a good man but gravitate to the broken bad boy. Repeat venal choice offender……Meh.

A man of mystery, I am. Good and bad boy. But send me signals that you don’t even know what YOU want …well…...dont expect the love train to stop…Cause if you don’t know you…you definitely aren’t interested in understanding me! Oh …….I’m sorry! You forgot its not ALWAYS about you….…huh…………Maybe THATS why you only get to look at the love train. Its like asking me if you can rent my fireworks…….uh……..No. You’ve got a better chance of applause for slappin a puppy in a petstore…….just sayin.
I’m not perfect by any means……so yeah I could use your help. Partnership street is a two way thoroughfare. You forget that too?
Interestingly I ran into a sweet girl whos looking for a love train partner ……she wanted to know if I could get on with her……….but …..she was already riding with someone else. The love train doesn’t fit passengers in the cracks or let people on just because you want to ride. The love train stops when youre heart is good n ready. It doesn’t fall out of the sky like rain and hit the rich and poor alike.

Love comes only once or twice in your life………. True that.

FOR ME : So I’m ok with having to change my plans a bit……the man that captures youre heart should be no less. I’m down with that if it means I get to pin you down and nuzzle the back of your neck.

FOR YOU: A mclovin attack to fish for my heart will do you no good. In fact good luck with that. Hehehe

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free

Bring it……….bring some new challenges. I’ve weathered a lot, chances are you have too. A change in plans might do us both some good.

A guys fairy tale, the clan chief, and the first taste of outside linebacker

2011-03-25T14:38:00.001-07:00

Yeah dude……first day of practice. I’m….m o v i n g s l o w. Bruised ribs …..which is……fun. My hamstrings are wound up like steel and my right knees lateral ligament didn’t tear like it did my first season but it definitely pulled and ….let me know it didn’t like blitzing the quarterback… My first taste as a linebacker was…. A compliment from the coach as far as Im concerned. But Im pleased with my form. Winter training ….hasn’t paid off yet….but it was worth it…..Ahm right where I want to be. Been pushin to the threshold of injury….. not smart, no option, not complainin, just………..sore all over. Heal up …hit em again.

Some old faces “sup dawgs” and fist bumps….some new ones..…cocky and full of shit. But truthfully..…..the team doesn’t look like it should this far into preseason…at all….ahm not happy bout that……speakin ma piece is better than bitchin fo sho……and I told the coaches so. Instead of signin their contract I told them Id be back at the end of April to see how theyre shaping up. Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do. Guns? Check. Gonads? Check. Godsmack? For sure. I grabbed my gear and strolled to the car…..Small smile…. Don’t assume I’m going to think like the average man cause I sure as hell don’t perform like one. Now I cant take credit here.

When the hound dog barkin' in the black of the night,
stick my hand in my pocket, everything's all right.

Just got paid indeed. Gunna apologize upfront again for rambling. Lately my posts have just tidbits of things here and there bout relationships that I think are interesting. Im in a good place right now…. I am …….a lucky man….big smile…. Its nice to be happy in your own skin.

Gotta friend whos datin a woman waayy older than him (Dolly Partons sister actually) . He takes a lot of ribbing from his friends but he says it’s a real relief when they go out. Shes a self made woman…..mature. She doesn’t need him for anything other than the relationship. So he doesn’t have to worry about her using him for money, position, status……….ya know ya know? Makes sense to me. The love train doesn’t ask “what can you do for me?” The love train wants to know if youre heart is right ….. then….. you can ride. I feel like pushing baby hungry ring hunters in front of the train. Hehe Smart Idea? PASS.

Yes Trey Logan … you are a soooooper genius.

A guys fairy tale. Once apon a time…… a handsome prince asked a beautiful princess to marry him. She said “No”……..and he lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and slept with skinny big breasted blond girls half his age, and hunted and raced cars, and drank whiskey and stayed out late and never heard bitching and never paid child support, and never got cheated on while he was at work and he had tons of money in the bank and he left the toilet seat up. The end.

…….Really…..really…… small smile…..

I was reading an article called something like ”The one secret they don’t tell you about marriage” and the gist was …… when the marriage starts out …everything is of course the best….eventually …………..the arguing sets in. At some point in time it leads to questioning if they made the right choice for a partner. And you know what happens after that.

Fan…….tastic

It takes two to make it work

It takes one to screw it up.

I was thinking bout communication the other day and I know women are professed to be better at it than men. Most people tend to say that womens claws come out when you group them together in a pack ……but guys don’t seem to do that.. Wanna know why? My guess is that until the second world war when women in the western world started working in factories, women didn’t work in groups. Go back in time and I think women were spending their time at home with the kids. They never had to work together en masse so that dynamic is a bit new. However guys, have been going out as a group for centuries to kill a boar and bring it home for supper. We have always had to work together to get things done. Remember we like sports. Football field? Battlefield? Theres always been a clan chief, captain, quarterback, and rules to follow like in the military so were used to structure and hierarchy. Its part of the history of “manhood”. Its only been recently that women have been afforded positions in the church!!!

Not sayin men make the best choices but……..

In the past women really weren’t involved in things like politics. It was all guys. So men are used to being in an organization…..were just not organized. LOL

All women I run into say “I get along better with men”. Its funny. They ALL say that. When you ask why …..women confess that “ cuz women are mean and backstabbing”. Of course these same women want to know where are “all the good men”. Which is a perfect fit. A mean backstabbing woman and a good man. Now that’s a recipe for…….well…….divorce I guess. Of course people don’t always say what they mean. Those same women that swear they want a good man are attracted to bad boys…… Lucky for me. LOL

just got paid today,
got me a pocket full of change.

Bring it……….bring it when its ready. If its not ready then I don’t want it. Peddlin somethin when Im not interested wont get you anything. Its nice to be happy when you aren’t even thinking bout the love train. Mmmmmmmm S’ok….ahm still smilin. Three weeks till State championship and I……..am ready.

An ole dawg, tornado scrabble, and the 3 year glitch

2011-03-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

Yeah dude…….s’all good. …small smile. Spring training is …….good. Success FEELS good….. ya know? ya know? State championships are about a month away and if I have a worry its that I cant keep my weight on cuz football training tends to make me lose weight……… so I really shouldn’t complain bout that. Whatcha think?

We really seem to have a problem here
But it is you or me
Whatever I have going through my mind
You always have to disagree

You know Im right indeed. Hehehe. Bein an ole dawg ……I have a hard time understanding relationship tactics of the young and reckless. I know bad means good and sick means cool……..but ….. I need help when it comes to mixed signals……. Maybe its just me….but if your concept of self changes with the wind……..stay the…….HELL away from me. I like reading how my lover thinks. If your confused about your own thoughts then how am I supposed to read your mind??? Hehehe I’ve met a few that seem to think reading like a game of scrabble in a tornado is a man trap. Its not. If I get signals that make no sense it doesn’t make me interested. It makes my head hurt. Just sayin……

Ahm gonna demystify sumpin bout selfishness. Guys are bred for it. Im not sayin its the best quality to have but it’s a quality that men need in order to be successful from 9-5. Problem is we don’t turn it off so easily when we get home.

Understandably most women roll their eyes if they’re husband is selfish or greedy…. and that they hate that part of him.

But we need that part of our personality to bring home our share of the bacon….

Growing up we want to be soldiers, Winston cup drivers, football and rock stars. At no point in our training does the pit crew say “that’s it…your doing great……….stay in last place.” NASA never gets on the radio and says “you forgot to take the trash out……no sex for you when you get back to earth.” We train to be in first place. We don’t readily understand what it means to step aside. No man fantasizes about doing daily household chores and we don’t play school for fun when were young. Not all women but ahm willin to bet most have, at some time, played “house” ya know? or school, shoppin, babys, teacher……… In truth what you girls were doing was pretending to be an adult……you were playing adult. That’s why youre so far ahead of us boys. Trey logan you…… are a sooooper genius.

Think about it.

While your pretending to be an adult woman, guys are ……throwing rocks at trees.

That’s why we hear the phrase

You have to grow up now.

Its time to grow up.

He just needs to be an adult and grow up.

Im learning……….just slow. Hehehe.

Go back to 1839……just …….humor me.

In 1839 as a thirteen year old girl you were as prepared for adulthood as you could possibly get. For the last thirteen years you’ve been by your moms side all day every day….making soap, snapping beans, mending clothes, taking care of your younger siblings, making candles and frying bacon. You were ready for mother hood…..and when that period hit……….they farmed your ass out to the nearest guy that could borrow his dads horse on a Sunday and show up on the front porch for lemonade. So they had three guys to choose from. You weren’t exactly in love or romanced…..You married the guy that lived within riding distance.

Cuz make no mistake you were a mess. No hair care products. You didn’t shave your legs, armpits, or tootie. No dentist or mouthwash or makeup. Have you seen pictures from around that time???? Egads…….Hell…… your dad gave him a cow just to take you away.

Where was I?

Oh yeah.

No wonder boys are behind girls when it comes to this romance thing.

In 1839 the total amount of manhood lessons a thirteen year old boy got was…….”see boy…..when you pull the reigns to the left ….the ox goes left…..that make sense??” (spit tobacco)..…..and stuff like how to shoot a cow in the head.

“how to be a great lover” was not one of the lessons dad taught. So be patient…… we’re kinda slow.

If love involved ……crushing level three on Halo My son ………would be Romeo extraordinaire . But…….

He’s playing basketball again and its kinda hard to drill “team player” in a kids head when it’s a frenzy of flying limbs in a pile. I swear I could have choked the coach and his son. When the son got the ball (which was every play) he drove to the basket every time…right past his team mates. Didn’t matter if he made a bucket or not…he just ignored everyone else. I think kids are going to have it tough…when it comes to relationships. Im not envious. I don’t think the love train will be stopping for everyone.

So yeah…….I have a selfish streak. But learning when I need it……and when I need to bag it ……..are really worthwhile. Cause I want to be the only man that makes you stop breathing when he pushes you up against the wall and bites your neck. I have to be a little selfish to do that. MMMMM……

Im finding that although I know what I want ….I don’t know that younger girls know what they want ….or what I want for that matter. I think theyre confused and not even sure how a relationship is supposed to work. It’s a wonder the love train stops at all…so when it does….. do your best to take care of it… small smile.

I read where the seven year itch has been reduced to a three year glitch. By that they mean people are starting to stray from their marriages after just three years.

Fan…….tastic

So much for till death do us part. Heck my car loan was longer than that….small smile.

True story. I work with this girl who got so mad at her husband she pulled a knife on him and screamed “remember when we said till death do us part??? Well guess what??...... Todays the day!!!

Relationship? FAIL

I think women have more to lose in a failed marriage than a man because they have built up the idea more than men do. That’s why women sometimes hang in there longer than men…they don’t want it to be a failure so they stick their head in the sand and wait for someone else to make a decision.

It's just a matter of opinions
It's not a simple fact
Why don't you try to see the other side
Don't turn your back

Bring it……..bring some understanding. I rather like it when everyone pulls theyre weight. I bet on you. You bet on me. I make you happy. You make me smile. Deal?

The fickle mistress, video game love and the romance king

2011-02-23T15:04:00.000-08:00

Yeah dude….spring is soooo close. So Im out…….. pushin the prowler and draggin the sled. Gotta new titan fury bench shirt which is rockin. My eye right now is on the April State championship which is coming none too soon cause I still have some room to put on weight for the meet but am anxious to lose it for football (and the summer….my blood pressure is running high). Gotta a new neck roll to put on my pads and someone stole my forearm guards last year so I gotsta get some new ones. Patience dawg ………all in good time.

You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh

As time goes by indeed. Small smile…..Lemme say right now ahm in a good place so…..on to other things…..

Had a liftin buddy tell me he was at this bar, started talking to a girl and they hung together all night …great conversation…they got along really well….at the end of the night he asked her out and she said

No

He asked why and she said “your nice, good looking, got a good job, and love your mother…….theres nothing for me to fix.”

Y…..eah.

Did I mention I have lots of……emotional….I mean ….drug problems??????....I know you’re not believin that so ………please feel free to pick some social disorder that makes me endearing. Trey Logan….you…are a soooooper genius.

Hehehe. But make no mistake……..

Easy goin ……I am

Easy……Im not.

Had just one more instance of almost getting punked by a fickle mistress. What is it with young girls these days??? I put the kibosh on the whole thing when I flatly told her “I wasn’t built to go along with all this “gimme attention, let me show all my friends how easy and desperate this guy is for me, watch me not really care……. then disappear and prove I can get lots of attention to feed my ego and not really have to work for it” ……thing……. that’s apparently sweeping the nation.”

Hehe she got the picture.

I think all this sexting n what not that girls do is the cowards way of pretending to have a relationship…because they cant in the real world. Does that make sense? Its safe to text…you cant get hurt that way……..uh…hello? You cant even have a relationship that way.

As a sidebar: I realize Im not the brightest guy….but I have run into too many women that get willy dilly wing nut pictures sent from guys camera phones. For the life of me I cant see how this is anything but stoopid in a “your dumb” kinda way. It may even certify you as a moron.

How does this work exactly???? Im with the guys at the bar….the good looking blond walks by. My buddy says he has her phone number and…..

“Ive got it! I got a great idea!! Im going to go in the bathroom, TAKE A PICTURE OF MY DICK………and send it to her!”

“Dude…you?..... are the undisputed romance king of the entire world.

This is going to be my relationship advice for guys from now on. “Trey, man I really like this girl and….”

“Stop right there. I know exactly what to do. Just…..trust me on this. Go in the bathroom, TAKE A PICTURE OF YOUR DICK and send it to her…. You don’t have to put a caption in but maybe something sweet like “I was thinking of you …and heres the proof”.

It shows her that you respect her. That you cherish her, that she’s wonderful and you love her so much that you want to………. send her a picture of your dick. Yeah…Im sure that’s what shes thinkin. I can hear her friends now.

“Awwww….. he really respects you and cherishes you, thinks your wonderful and loves you so much he ……….. sent you a picture of his dick.”

Think of it…….You can celebrate 60 happy years when on your wedding anniversary maybe he can send a picture of his 80 year old dick to remind you how lucky you are. Ah…….heaven.

Where was I ?

Oh yeah…..

If your courtship is all on your cell phone …you can keep your distance ….your independence. You don’t have to worry about falling in love….its more like a video game. Although for the life of me I cant see how its all that satisfying when you lay down to sleep and cuddle up to your phone.

And of course I’d appreciate it if youd stay the………. HELL away from me.

I would much rather hold your wrists and bite your ear so you can concentrate on grinding the way that makes you go BOOOM…..rather than type the words “U R hot”. Send……… When the time comes do you really want to text your BFF …..OMG the BF texted me “will you marry me?”

Got a text the other day from a girl……I could hardly contain my excitement. It said “are you fun” she didn’t even type the question mark. Needless to say I jumped all over that………

Texting just…..doesnt do it for me. Your walls stay up, your safe, everything’s intact because nobody can get through the walls you’ve built up if all you do is text. You hear that a lot from people. How proud they are of their independence.

“Im very independent”.

Congrats.

You just talked yourself out of a relationship.

That’s not how it works. I bet on you. You bet on me. No other deals can be made to get aboard the love train. I want your head on my chest in pure comfort……..not my cell phone.. When you get up I want that feeling to still be with you…..if you leave and take your independence with you….….keep going.

I may want to be a good partner but people seem to mistakenly think that translates that Im an easy catch…....wrong…… smile or not bad boys don’t kill easy……...and I HATE being underestimated……so yeah you kinda need you’re A game ….not your game……cause I’ve had my share of girls who thought you were privileged to be with them. Hehe. Enjoy…you can have em…….small smile. Contacted one of them just to say if she ever needed an ear she shouldn’t be afraid to call and I would listen. Not sayin that was the smartest thing Ive ever done. But I still have a soft spot for good memories.

The response?

No response.

Hehehehe No surprise.

Good deed? PASS. Big brains? FAIL.

Hehehehe s’all good……. I like doing something good….even without the prospect of a reward…….small smile.

The fundamental things apply
As time goes by

Bring it………..bring some old fashioned romance. It may be old school…..but I graduated baby!!

The hook up bus, winter lemonade, and the chrome sales department

2011-01-28T14:01:00.000-08:00

Now is the winter of our discontent…… otherwise known as preseason. Sorry dude…Im being melodramatic. Other than the permanent blanket of snow up past my car door my winter is good. Small smile. Actually the snow doesn’t bug me at all. I just agree with everyone who says theyre sick of it. Yeah dude winter lemons make lemonade. Some Vodka, mostly grapefruit juice, a little lemonade, a dash of wink and Im good to go. Better still if you haven’t shared bourbon, hot tea and a cinnamon stick on a cold night ……please rethink your liquid menu. Now I can’t take credit here.

I am I am I said I'm not myself
But I'm not dead and I'm not for sale
Hold me closer, closer let me go
Let me be, just let me be

Trippin on a hole in a paper heart indeed. True that. Watch your step. Hehehe. Had a friend tell me he heard in a seminar that women want emotional security and financial security ……. Men want sex and praise. Ahm afraid I’ll have to buy that…..even if it is a blanket statement. Whatcha think?

I just read an article that outlined both young married and unmarried couples as not agreeing that they do or don’t have a monogamous commitment….or when they did have one ….they didn’t adhere to it.

Im not sure that’s a good sign for any of us looking for the love train.

I liked being in a committed relationship. If you discount my marriage. LOL Make no mistake Im all for marriage when it’s a good choice but I heard a comedian say the other day he just got engaged then looked up the definition which said “engage…..to confront the enemy”.

The love train doesn’t stop at every street corner……that’s the hook up bus…anybody can ride the hook up bus…..….you can have ALL the worthless hook ups you like. Hehehe

A hook up is ………..easy.

A relationship is……..hard.

But ah gotsta tell ya. Id rather have a relationship.

I have to admit I do like younger women….but Im finding out we don’t have the same ……..viewpoint when it comes to building a relationship……it seems that …….hovering close to solvency is preferred these days. I suppose theres nothing to lose when you don’t even gamble. Theres also nothing to gain. I read where younger folks only think of relationships as temporary anyway…because their roll models on tv break up all the time….as well as their parents…so they figure that’s the norm.

Im glad I don’t watch too much TV. Well…….except ……Jersey Shore.

Where was I?

Oh yeah….

A friend of mine was telling me about reading some theory called “in the meantime”. This is where women will pretend to be involved with some guy but never really open up because they believe “the imaginary prince charming they have in their head …….is down the road…………somewhere”. So theyre saving themselves.

BUT…..in the meantime……..

Is this kinda why girls stay with guys with sex addictions, drug and chronic lying problems????

Its safe because your not actually in love..…its ok hes a loser because….your just filling time. Because youre sure theres some guy you haven’t met that’s rich and humble, good looking, honest, funny, and never been married, that would give you anything you want and everything he had. LOL its kinda hard to win your heart when Im up against Aston Schwartzenegger Trump Banderas ……especially when he doesn’t even exist.

I do hate the thought of just….spinning my wheels in the wind……especially if it turns out its just entertainment for some girl with a sales plan…….. Interesting. I wonder if these same folks that spew and swallow the dating game understand its gonna SUUUUUCK in thirty years…..when theyre alone. I mean….your looks are nice……but what I really care about is whether you love me……cause I want to be there when everyone else is gone…….and I just might want you to fix us some biscuits in the morning and ill fix the popcorn at night when we cuddle for tv. To me that’s more important than say…….really being able to hold your own in a tequila drinking contest.

However……. I do loves me some tequila. Maybe theres a chance for both aye? But …..my mad drinking skills aren’t half as valuable as my desire to care for you when you need attention……..25 years from now.

Lemme say if Im going to do something I wanna freakin hit the ceiling with my kahones blazing. If theres anything left……..you can keep the change. Read that lately too. Women are willing to sacrifice first place for stability. Men………aren’t. We want that brass ring….. regardless of the cost. Seriously I think the best partner is one who knows how to get both …..and that means knowing when to push and when to give….. how else am I going to bring out your best????

Football training is …..right where it should be. I joined a second gym. They have other machines I NEED. SO……. my workouts are ramping up again. The state power lifting finals are in April and I have no doubt in busting the bench press record which has stood for 18 years. Problem is ……that’s right in the middle of preseason so……double duty it is. Trey Logan you…….. are a sooooper genius.

One thing I’ve noticed is guys really have to sell themselves …….LOL I need to work on that. Hehe. A word of warning. LOL Guys don’t actually have to be faithful. They just have to tell you they are. That lean cuisine doesn’t have to be 400 calories . It just has to say so …so youll buy it. The guy who fooled you into believing that probably got a six figure bonus for marketing…..and so it is with the love pool…He doesn’t really have to love you……. the chrome salesman just has to make you to THINK he does. As long as you believe him…..Cha ching……

Got a lifting buddy that’s dating this good looking girl. It’s a perfect match….. shes a gold digger and he cheats on her all the time. Hes a good lookin guy, makes good money …she thinks she can get him to part with it and…….hes smart enough not to let her have it. So….they fight….they make up…they fight…they make up. Both of them wearing their masks and both of them alone…...even when their together. Love? FAIL.

Like I say…..its best when its effortless.

If I have to jump up and down and squawk better than the guy next to me so you can figure out who’s the better catch………..I don’t think were combatable…..I mean compatible…… if you don’t know the difference between steak and ground chuck.

And I hate the thought that someone is selling me who they are…it makes my skin…….crawl…....just like I hate the prospect that I have to throw my soulmate a sales pitch…….better than the guy standing next to me.

Small laugh……..Like I said ….. stay the HELL away from me.

Hey I like a good hamburger …….don’t get me wrong. But why would I give my soul to someone who wants to play cards but doesn’t bring money to the craps table? Sorry dude…

In a word……no dice.

Sorry dude…just spankin it like it is. You got what you came for. You invested nothing. You got nothing. Hehehe enjoy.

In my world nothing beats pulling you close and snuggling up for sleep spooned together from head to foot….one hand around your tummy and the other in your hair. My lips on your neck just behind your ear.

Im sure you can get that from the guy with a sales pitch. But that chrome that catches your eye wont stroke your eyebrow when your sad……..trace your ear slowly…… or give you baby kisses to make you smile.

Chrome only covers the surface.

Small smile……..this is…..of course medicine for the medicine man. GUILTY. Chrome only shines when its bright…..you wouldn’t want a partner to bail just cause the lights go out do ya?..... When that happens I should be reaching out to bring you close to me…. If you cant hold onto me when that happens…....we gots work to do

Its nice to turn corners and the punkometer continues to pay for itself.

“I could give you my number….”

“no that’s ok…maybe we’ll see each other out somewhere”.

I got a confused look for sure…..as probably no one had ever turned her down when she OFFERED her phone number.

Don't cut out my paper heart
I ain't dying anyway

Bring it………bring me a smile. You can add it to mine. The love train may not be in town at the moment but being content and happy anyway is not a bad backup plan…… now is it?

Preseason, the fly crusher, and attention of the month club tickets

2010-12-30T14:18:00.000-08:00

Yeah dude……..The push is……. ON. There is a difference in just workin out and …..trainin. I’m turning that corner again. Ramping things up ….where they should be. And Im hungrier than before …….which is good. The results are comin too……. so I cant complain….small smile. Ah cant be just ……..standin around…….. waitin for the love train silly!!!! Now I cant take credit here.

That girl thinks that she's so fine
That soon she'll have my mind
That girl thinks that she's so smart
That soon she'll have my heart

That girl indeed. When I agree to a date…uh….it doesn’t mean Im in love with you.
Have I mentioned that squats release a flood of testosterone?
Got a friend who STILL gettin punked by this married chic. Goin on 9 months. When I tell him hes getting punked (for the 10,000 time) he just stares with his ears shut. I do have a saying… “I cant help you if you wont listen to me”. Its hard to suffer fools misled to think theyre in love. But sometimes ……people just don’t want to listen! Hehehe so be it…..remember…the pain you feel is your own creation. So be careful what you give away.
I do like bein a helper. I like to think the love I share with someone brings out their best inside…….pure comfort……..
Of course if you plan on keeping your distance…….I don’t care. You win. Small smile. Keep your walls. Just ……stay away from me. Nuff said.
I have to laugh cause sometimes things just….click into place……ya know?
My time in the gym has a way of…clicking…….unlocking secrets about my body that …..I don’t readily share. People ask for my help but ……..I don’t always oblige. That’s MY secret.
I like unlocking something about my partner too. Sometimes I even keep THAT a secret. Make no mistake…..very quickly I know more about you than you do about me. I just ……may not tell you. Small smile. Youre just used to dealing with weak boys that lie down on command…..just like you knew they would. Predictable….…an easy kill. Enjoy. Hehehe.

Getting attention is….easy.

Being in love is rare.

If you’re happy settling with just getting attention…..enjoy …you really don’t HAVE anything do you? LOL I don’t plan on being THAT lonely. Ive always said ..…bring your A game.

So yeah theres a little satisfaction when the punkometer pays for itself.
Shes cute….and waaay too young.

“You should hang out with us sometime!” The coy shy smile comes …….right on cue. Practiced to perfection……The wounded young maiden in need of a man approach.

“Not a chance”…. BIG smile

“Really…..let me give you my number”

“I don’t want it. But maybe we’ll see each other out somewhere.” Big smile.

Crush that fly.

s all good. Square pegs in round holes aren’t my thing anyway. I like that comfort that comes from fitting up next to my lover like a glove. Im not much on the thought of trading love for……...attention of the month club tickets. LOL the love train doesn’t accept tickets that are forgeries either. The real deal may have to wait…. And that’s ok. The best love is rare. It just takes the right person to….click into place. Cool dude. Small smile.

I had an old friend say the trick to relationships was to find someone that loved you …..more than you loved them. Love? FAIL. Cat and mouse games don’t satisfy….they just mean you don’t know how to get the real thing.

She doesn't use her love to make him weak
She uses love to keep him strong

Bring it…….bring some more preseason training. The love train will come when its good and ready. Hehe betcha din see that a comin?!!!

Preseason, a deadliest catch, and the storm chaser

2010-11-19T14:33:00.000-08:00

Yeah dude….things ….arent always fun. Yes I am a soooooper genius. Small smile. Its easy to get a bit dejected when it seems like things take twice as long, cost twice as much, and last half as long as you were hopin for. Ya know? ya know? hang tough…im there with ya.

Ima sorry for that…..things just don’t go according to plan. If I had my way you would be close to me….your head on my chest. Some things are just ……the perfect fix…..Yes? I want to be that man that makes you feel good when things aren’t exactly rosy. Now I cant take credit here.

All our times have come
Here, but now theyre, gone

Don’t fear the reaper indeed. Been struggling with some sour luck lately but that doesn’t make me any different than others I know….small smile. A bit a hardship trains character so Im on board for a lesson or two that bends my will……..but as I see it there is light at the end of the tunnel. Bending is just …….part of the trip.

My salt as a man only seasons when the choices I make are on point …..when things aren’t the best. I rather enjoy (when it happens) NOT weighing life as good or bad as things happen …..but how I choose …… THATS what brings meaning. This is going to sound odd so bear with me…Im not saying I totally swallow the idea but sometimes changing the way I think makes things better…..so here tis…

..In life there it isn’t always a question of “good or bad”…..there are only choices. : puppy head tilt: I love the line in the movie the matrix where Neo says everything begins with choice. The response? “Wrong. Choice is an illusion created by those with power for those without.” Hehe what a Gordian knot we weave when at first we try to ….just make a mobius strip. In the movie seven, Morgan Freeman says “I know I made the right choice…but not a day goes by that I don’t wish I had made a different one”. Haha…..wait………what?

Trey ……..please…just get back to something that makes sense….

Where was I?

Oh yeah…..

Doing something kind with no expectation of reward is……..a choice…… One I Like. A man worth your hand should be no less. Big smile….and I got a chance to do so the other day and it was…….nice. Ah need to be doin that …….more often.

I know there are plenty o things that steal your attention away from what brings happiness. Bills, stress, work, traffic….and bills…… all conspire as a storm to keep your world so topsy turrvy that ……love really doesn’t have a chance ….unless the right person comes along and makes that world ……something you cant get anywhere else. Safe secure, soothing………calm .

So……… the impending storm doesn’t scare me….even if I don’t always perform like I want. But ….I do want to see the look in your eyes that’s says you SEE that in me cause I work hard for it….and to see a smile. When that storm hits I want you to hold on to me. Not shut me out.

I cant say Im easily understood…….or that im a pushover……yeah dude…its not called deadliest catch cause your lounging on the beach with a pole in the sand and a cold corona. Although ……….that does sound like a plan!

The best love is……..effortless

The best relationship ……..takes work.

So dealing with some unpleasantness is worth it if I get to bring out the best in my lover.
But be patient I don’t always get it.

Last year my lower body routine didn’t let me down....but looking back I know this year what to change. Too much a this and not enough o that…….training? PASS. Just …..not yet. Ah need a few more months…..Hehehe

So yeah ….Ah gotsta man up some more and push through cause this years looking better than ever! Even though I HATE this period of strength training….HATE IT I SAY!!! But just like Ive been saying, putting my head in the sand is no plan……that wouldn’t do well on the field …..or in your heart.
So yeah…..no choice…. I have to bring my A game…….. and so do you. The love train stops……right……there.

Come on baby
Don't fear the reaper
Baby take my hand
Don't fear the reaper
We'll be able to fly
Don't fear the reaper
Baby I'm your man

Bring it…………bring the light at the end of the tunnel. If you cant bring that…… take my hand and we’ll get there together.

The Knight, a new team, and frontside protection

2010-11-12T14:29:00.000-08:00

Oh dude…..the self abuse director is …..IN. Ah needs me a few mo weeks a trainin to get ma football legs agoin. It’s the off season and I should be workin my upper body harder but I ran into a coach for another team the other day and he invited me to come down to practice. I happen to know the assistant coach from my days at the bruins. He congratulated me on my bench press record and told me about a few of my old teammates that got AFL contracts…… cool………yeah dude. That means I get to start training ….earlier than I want. Now I can’t take credit here.

There's a line, I can't cross over. It's no good for me and it's no good for you.
You say we've been like strangers, but I'm not the others you can wrap 'round your fingers……..
And I've given you my all, there's no more to borrow.

Get closer indeed. My workouts are much more result oriented these days….strength training is first. Then the agility and speed programs. Horse first ……then lash up the cart. Agility is nothing without strength first.

Our quarter back is getting a facefull of linebackers …….AND the D line. All day. Its NOT pretty. O line is folding and the running backs are ….NOT taking care of business. Finally…… Im in.. I plan to ….excuse me……WILL….. take out ANYBODY that even THINKS they are coming through. I hear the play call “pro right ……motion ….Liz…out…… wing bubble…….first number…..first number……..BREAK!

Im front side protection. …….Bring it.

I scan my targets…….The outside linebacker backs up to cover the flats …….and the defensive end is ………coming.

Or so he thinks.

I bite down on my mouthpiece and my legs tighten. My head is straight ahead ……but my eyes ………..are locked……… to the right.

The cadence…….. comes slowly…….from far away.

B…L….U….E…….

T….W…E…N…N…Y…..O….N…E

I …….have………… no fear.

None

He comes at me straight. This ……..is a mistake. I jam……. to meet him….. head on……..and his body ….jacks up in the air ……off to the right…..in slow motion.

I ignore him……. turn my back and …….head back to the huddle. Job done.

The rest of the game……. Defensive tight ends go flying. No one gets by……..Not once.

It’s a good day to be strong.

Strength is a good thing. I think people want to be strong (yes …Trey Logan you are a sooooper genius) and in the process of building that up…they find it doesn’t turn out the way they expected……. Working hard to be strong can mistakenly make people ……..hard.

Fan……..tastic

Nobody strives to be weak. So that same instinct you use to keep from getting hurt also makes you unavailable, isolated, and scared of losing your heart. Love? FAIL.

I know this all sounds like a dose of common sense. On one hand having some self preserving protection in place is a good thing but….. you take that TOO far and that….does nothing for a fairytale of romance and knights in shining armor. I mean ……when the knight shows up and you start explaining that ………..you don’t trust people because of your past….…and that you don’t want to bring him into your kids lives cause he might leave and …your really independent……..you don’t let people in….

Hes liable to ride off ……..…without you.

I like being strong. But not at the expense of keeping you at a distance. What good would that do?

Hehe…I realize that’s not the easisest thing to change. Its hard to let your guard down. I have some friends that tell me lately Im bein too picky.

Im not hard to please.

Just hard to impress.

I mean you DO want to feel safe and secure with my arms around you dont you?

If I am to be the only man that you trust to hold you down …..with just the right amount of slow…..increasing pressure….holding it…..just right…..so when you grind ……..you go .....boom…..in waves. Then you better be someone who is strong…but bendable…….strong…but giving…..strong ….but....open….strong ….but……...weak with need and desire.

Darlin' if you want me to be closer to you, get closer to me.
Darlin' if you want me to love, love only you, then love only me.
Darlin' if you want me to see, see only you, then see only me.

Bring it……..bring that comfort that satisfies like only love can. Being strong isn’t being made of stone. The love train only makes stops on the mainland. If you’re an island then you best start paddling if you plan to get a ticket.

Super balls, pearls on a pig, and emotional circus freaks

2010-11-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

Gunna apologize right up front. You never know what the future holds….so I gotsta say Im kinda disappointed in masef for makin this blog a bit uglier than I expected. I don’t normally have bad things to say but apparently turning the corner on this purging process is rather ..….slow. But im doing my best to divorce maself from what I have discovered is a plethora of punkees in my midst. So I appreciate your patience in advance for listening to a broken record ….. cuz some of these folks just refuse to die. Now I cant take credit here.

I see you crying in the sunshine
I hear you laughing in the rain
You say you can't tell any difference
Between the pleasure and the pain

Desperate people indeed. Well….maybe just lost or misguided. Hehehe

The girl that unkindly offered to give me a $20, five mile ride called and wanted to know if I would cash a $200 check for her that would be good in two weeks. Then she corrected herself and said it would be good on the second of next month…then she said it would be good in two days. Mysteriously, our cell phone convo got dropped during the discussion and I didn’t answer any more of her calls.

One word………Balls

Got 2 emails from “Mailney”. The girl that was defriended on facebook for attempting to restart a new decade of punking. She wanted to know if I had left facebook and for me to contact her (imagine that) because she had some “stupid questions that needed ANSWERS.” No I’m not joking. Im undecided whether to seriously lay it out there or just ignore her. As in… “You were defriended and blocked from facebook because I dont consider contact with you to be honest or rewarding at all. P.S. Give your husband my condolences and ask HIM the stupid questions.”

I sent Tiny a heartfelt email expressing that I thought she was a fantastic girl and I was looking for a PARTNER. I was exhausted from months of lip service about wanting to see me…then ignoring my attempts to contact her. …that she wasn’t ready for a real relationship and that I wasn’t going to feed her ego anymore in the meantime. Four days later I get a generic 2 line email asking how was I doing and when was I taking her out for drinks. It wasn’t anything personal or special. Three days later I got a facebook message asking me to please come back home.

More balls…..

Im done wasting my time putting pearls on a pig so I responded in a tone that got a predictable response…….Nothing. Obviously shes angry I don’t want to “play along” with getting punked anymore.

The same thing happened with round 7. I sent a very heartfelt email about how I was hoping she could let those walls down..

“When I look in your eyes I know your trapped and I want so badly for you to see that keeping that door closed isnt security…..…it’s a prison. Once you come outside to be with me you wont ever want to go back in there ………..ever. ……And that’s where I want you to be…….with me…………..Im asking you……….. come with me.

I know you……..your not afraid of being hurt. You have these walls up to make sure that cant happen. What your afraid of is being in love.

……... I don’t want to break down a wall that you can build back up ….whenever you feel like it. I want you to fall in love with me…….. where there are no walls. You wont need them …….ever again…… “

Five days later I got back …….

“So what do you like to do with your spare time?”

Super Balls

I got game but this is more like a circus for emotional freaks. I just ……….DON’T have the ill will in me to punk back without remorse for being a jerk. Besides these girls are seasoned professionals. My attempt to punk back would be something like

You……..your……….hair…its….so……um….youre having a bad hair day …..so there…..ha!

Ive always said NO relationship is preferable to a BAD one. A bad relationship can be changed…....abuse cannot. What can I say?....I’m learning. Albeit slow. But……..

I was even punked by someone who called and said they could hire me …..if I would go get them some contracts!!!

Lemme say that again…

Go get us some contracts and then we can hire you.

Ball………less

Beyond this point I promise to end this rash of blogging nastiness.

I played guitar out twice this week……and had a fantastic time. I had forgotten how fun playing for a crowd is. I knew every request which is always gratifying ……yeah dude. People dancing and singing along. It’s a good feeling to know people like hearing you play. No lip service there. Hehehe……free beer doesn’t hurt either! Getting some repeat folks showin up sayin they come just to hear me…… big smile. Played some stuff not usually requested……Cat Stevens…..King of the road…….Rawhide……..After I finished three hours worth the bar owner picked his axe up and I sat at the drum kit and a few others joined in. Stray cats…....Zeppelin…….wild thing…….The free booze and backslaps keepa comin….. I looked up and ……it was midnight. Really?? I gotsta get home!

Been thinking ALOT about football. Third season comin up and I know my contract will get picked up again so Im happy about that. I’ve had some good time off and I’ve finally gotten off that extra football weight……which is great….until I have to put it back on in preseason. I had a few injuries first season but last year I………..was golden. Watching the NFL this year has really made me hungry to play again. But Im glad for some time off……lower body training though is still ….unpleasant and I gotsta man up dawg. I flirted with uppin my swat weight and changed my treadmill routine and yeah……ahm a sore pup. Now I just gotta hope I don’t break my neck! Special teams was great last year…Wish I had the film!!!!!!! ..but there is some talent on the team so Im thinking of …..dare I way it…..moving to outside linebacker.

You say you never ever dream at night time
You say you only dream when you're awake
And say that T.V. looks like your life
And the life you lead is fake

Bring it………bring an end to my bad blogging! Maybe I need to go on break again till all this silliness is gone!!

Paper thin love, The Re-eval, And the Never Never text

2010-10-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

Ah gots ta tell ya…had some strange convos lately….yeah dude…..Now…I know that Im not always going to be right and I sure like it when I find myself in a position to reevaluate something and change ma ways if ahm not zackly doin it the way I should or want. If I plan to master my future then I cant be a slave to my past. Even the past it seems can be ……..reevaluated. Some things are easy……others? Well….sometimes it takes a while for the crystal ball to cough up the answer.. Yes Trey Logan you………are a sooooper genius. Now I cant take credit here.

Try to see it my way,
Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?
While you see it your way,
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.

We can work it out indeed. I do love the idea that some people are listening and others are…….just waiting to talk. I remember a heated discussion with my ex ( I was TRYING to have a discussion about how to save our marriage and she …..cleaned house…while I talked to myself) and at the conclusion I was told “if that’s the way you see it then I don’t WANT to see your side”.

Fan…….tastic

Fewer things are worse than having a one sided discussion. Its bad enough to find out your talking to yourself. Its worse to discover that you’re the only one in the relationship…..and no amount of effort will fix things because your partner is emotionally crippled behind a wall that you cant get down. I like getting that wall down. Better still…..I like it when you take that wall down for me. That feeling of connection is something you cant get anywhere else, but if YOU cant let that wall down and …..I cant get it down……..well…. please have the courtesy to stay the hell away from me.
If you make yourself unavailable the result is……wait for it….…..you’re unavailable. Good plan? FAIL.
Think about it. If you’re running in the opposite direction…..how in the world do you expect to receive my affection? How are you going to feel that comfort you crave? How do you expect to feel safe and secure in my arms……….if you’re running away?

In the last year I’ve heard two separate dates tell me.
“I just want to be happy”
and
“Just once I want to wake up and be happy”
In my book that’s code for “I have no clue what happiness is or how it feels”
My response?
“Boy…… I sure have an early day tomorrow.”
Paper thin love isn’t on the list. Building love you can trust will always be there takes understanding yourself as well as your partner, a dose of selflessness and an ability to get through the rough times.
Reevaluating some past relationships….. I have discovered that I may have glamorized relationships that didn’t deserve it and underappreciated some that got the short end of the stick. If you cant say your sorry …there wasnt much of a relationship there anyway. Nothing lost….so no regrets! Sometimes it takes a while to see things clearly. I recently had the chance to make good one that never got full closure. We had some email exchanges and turns out shes doing well…her kids are almost grown and she just got a promotion…Im glad shes fine and wish her all the best. She will find someone just perfect for her I have NO doubt…...small smile.
I had a friend recently scold another for being too available. “When he calls don’t answer….call him back later and tell him you were busy…….dont be so available”.
I had another girl ask when she should text a guy back after they went out to dinner. The friends answer? “Never…...he should pursue her.”

Never? Ever?......... as in…not at all never?

And you want to know where all the good men are?

Ill tell you where they are.
Theyre out on a date with the girl who answered the phone.
Theyre out on a date with the girl who texted after dinner that she hoped they could get together again.
Theyre out on a date with the girl who let him know that wall is down and she likes him.

When its effortless its just…….the best. If the plan is

Step one: see which one jumps up and down and waves his arms the most to get your attention.

Step two: Ignore him and run in the opposite direction to see if how far he is willing to follow…..looking like a possessed electrocuted chicken

Step three: See if he can break down this unbreakable wall that you don’t EVER plan on letting down.

Step four: finally…mmmmm..…love

Well …that was EASY! Thats all there is to it?? WOW!

Not so fast…..no I think that’s a mistake.…..yes wait ……just a second ….Im sure ….its ……its.….Step four: schedule another unsuccessful girls nite out so you can try this harebrained routine again. Like I said……. keep the HELL away from me.

life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we may fall apart before too long.

Bring it…….bring a plan to fall in love that doesn’t involve being unavailable, hard to get and impossible to get close to. The love train stops so you can get on. It doesn’t chase you down, knock you over the head and drag you on board. The good memories come from having that wall down so keep your heart open. Then I can kiss your neck and hold your wrists and make you say “have me”. If you cant do that …well…you never had me anyway…...hehehe then I guess I ‘ll have to settle for …small smile…..watching you run the other way. Hehe ……OK….OK…..I got it!.....I got it!...we werent supposed to be together…..You win! You win! Hehehe.

love ready mix, selfishness, and baggin a bear

2010-10-08T09:48:00.001-07:00

Yeah dude ……glad to end ma label as punkee……the punkometer is ON and workin. fo sho. Testing testing…..1…2….3…….Yep itsa woikin…….asked a girl I know to give me a 5 mile ride while my car was in the shop……..even offered to put some gas in….she said……. “Could you put in $20?”…..I declined the ride …. …menu…..contacts…..erase. small smile……big satisfaction. Gonna put this blog here as well as on ma other blog cause it kinda fits…. K? Now I can’t take credit here.

Spend my days with a woman unkind
Smoked my stuff and drank all my wine
Made up my mind, make a new start
Goin' to California with an achin' in my heart

Led Zepplin indeed. I guess these things just don’t always go as planned. Yeah dude. My car is messed up and Im ….well….Im walkin……to work….to the gym….to the store……....in the rain. I borrowed a coworkers bike but after one ride my butt feels like a lifer at san Quentin and I nearly got killed by passing traffic.

Fan……tastic

So the bike is NOT an option. But in traditional Sooooper genius style Im gonna try and see this as …..forced cardio for the next two weeks.

Been a bit selfish lately on ma blog….been a bit on the ……ahma pissed off side while purging too….so I apologize for bein a buzz killer. Next rounds on me! Deal?

A friend o mine is struggling with an ex who has ……plenty of issues but I wanted to give up two pennies on the issue of guys and selfishness.

On the surface…..I don’t think most are gonna say being selfish is a coveted quality to have. Ya know? You would think that being selfless would be a more attractive feature for a guy to aspire.. Women all seem to want ……….a “good” man.

Wrong.

Preachers aren’t really high on the “boy that’s what I want” list. In fact bad boys, men with issues, and emotionally unavailable seem to attract a womans desires to fix……..nurture….or support something that’s obviously……..broken. AND impossible to domesticate. …………Enjoy. Lemme know how that fifth attempt with a cheater is goin…..sorry..thats wasn’t very nice.

In a mans world selfishness is …….well….viewed differently than they way women process “selfishness”.. Men applaud each other for being selfish.

Haha…….wait….what?

Trey you are ……NOT…. a sooooper genius.

Men compete with each other for jobs, women, faster cars and more toys. The selfish guy is the one able to beat his neighbor to the punch. If a man is not selfish……he will not achieve respect among other men. Think about it. That’s why men are self centered, and me me me. Men measure their success differently than a woman.

Would you want a man that …..

lets you wear the pants cause hes too lazy to take the wheel?

I LIKE being in the drivers seat and I don’t plan on giving up my dark side bad boy attitude. Cause Its kinda hard to make a woman feel safe and secure if your slackin on the couch all day watching football. Companion? FAIL.

Selfish men are TAUGHT to have control. Its expected that they cultivate it. Growing up …….boys are told “when you grow up you have to……”

Control the race car

Control the spaceship

Control the defense

Control the sale

If you DON’T…….then……you’re a loser.

Control control control.

Are ya feelin me yet? A man without this ability ….…..you DONT want. So we strive to be the best…..and first.

I don’t know of any man that will say second place …..or LAST….. is just fine. We don’t strive to be last. The bad news is men aren’t very good at giving up control… at home that’s a bad thing. A woman doesn’t want to be controlled. She wants a man who’s IN control.

Which I hope helps explain WHY men aren’t very cooperative when they hear a wife say. “Uh..…you’re married now…..the kids come first.”

A real man will step aside for his lover….and being selfless so your lover shines is …..sweet.

A boys fantasy life about being a grownup includes things like…. fighter pilot, professional baseball star, or lead guitarist ………regrettably these have nothing to do with taking out the trash or doing laundry. And we don’t dream about such an opportunity.

Im just sayin.

We don’t always get it. We don’t always know how to turn off the control we’ve spent years trying to perfect. In our world control is a good thing. At home …well……its not. When a dad is teaching his son how to fix the car he doesn’t stop and say “remember son…….be selfless”.

So….These same qualities men foster to be kings of manhood aren’t really the ones we need to …..

Be a great partner….

Watch the kids……

Tell you we spent $300…… on a new guitar…

I gotsta put this in here… cause theres no good place to put it. I realize theres a bunch o stuff in this blog……..sorry…but I absolutely effin hate explaining my thoughts live to someone and they say…..”I don’t believe any of that”……that happened today.. I basically outlined what this blog was about and after about five minutes I had some woman say “I don’t believe ANY of that”….. “that’s not true for EVERYBODY”…..

Uh……. yeah I know that you moron.

When I say “guys”……. I screwing realize im not taking into account

Some guy in Indonesia who cant read and never heard of diet coke…..

A blind American Indian in1563

And your OCD brother who weighs 142 pounds …….and is a pastor.

For a girl (Oh…no…… here comes another blanket generalization that doesn’t apply to everyone) I think aspiring to womanhood has a different set of ideas. So we definitely don’t see eye to eye. Money, kids, money, family time, sex, household responsibilities, and money. All are a great battlefield to fight over…..not the best idea when you consider we both need a partner not a roadblock.

Still……….these qualities are what make a man a successful beast in the forest. Lets face it…do you want to bag a rabbit or a bear?

As a side note. You LOVE the uniform? Be prepared. Any body trained to wear a gun and get shot at ……will not be emotionally friendly or available. And here you thought he was confident, self assured and a protector. In order to do that job you have to be a bit distant, disconnected, angry, controlling and in need of stress relief.. Hows that for a “man of your dreams” recipe?

In a world where men compete with each other…….we admire risk takers. A man not willing to take risks is …..well……folding laundry. Small laugh….. So go easy on us for being…..…not the brightest.

No pain ..no gain. Nothing ventured …..nothing gained. Pack leaders don’t……..sit on the porch. My exwife always wanted to flog me for not being around. I wanted a thank you for working so hard, killing dinner and bringing it home. I didn’t get it. I got a divorce instead ……..when I caught her on her second affair.

Ive learned a lot since then……balance makes a great partner. The love train doesn’t stop for people who cant look in the mirror ………and see why they cant get a ticket. Take a close look at why the love train doesn’t stop for you. Its worth it. Passage on the love train is NOT a right. It’s a privilege you earn when you have everything in place to give and receive……when the train comes through town. No bitter baggage allowed. No carry on jealousy.

Standin' on a hill in the mountain of dreams
Tellin' myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems

Bring it…………bring some love. Love is something two people create TOGETHER. It doesn’t……..arrive automatically by some guy who has the total package prewrapped for you to accept. Its not Premade, looking for you and waiting for you to just….receive it. …..if it meets with your approval. This is why there isn’t a round 8. Walls down and open arms. Sorry…….Tickets on the love train only come in pairs. I may be selfish but ……. sharing ma ticket? ……yeah I can do that. You comin or what?

Scorpion shoes, defriending and the LAST 2 months of punking.

2010-09-29T14:03:00.000-07:00

Mad skills dude….the Fushizzle is in…….I like using ma past to benchmark the people around me……I see ……a lot….. good people….people in pain….fools…….mean folks…… I value what shoes others are wearin so I go out of my way to understand…… so I can help….if ah can. Not a bad plan except…....I never had a scorpion ask for help. Scorpions have….anuther agenda all togetha. I feel kinda stoopid trying to put on a scorpions shoes…….dude..what ARE you doin????....stop that….stop that right now please. Holding down a snake to change its stripes to polka dots …….well…isn’t the best plan either…….Dude….please stop that…. Kindu been under a dark cloud lately. But there is good news…. It doesn’t rain every day. Now I cant take credit here.

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.

My girl indeed.
I think lotsa folks keep asking…… why? Over…and over
“Why did this person treat me bad?”
“Why did I LET this person treat me bad?”

As if understanding the answer is the goal…..ya know?
If I could just figure out “why”……….then everything would be ok.
Well………..not zackly.
Understanding why won’t do you any good if you can’t answer the question.

“What are you going to do about it?”

If you don’t even ask the question why ….then ….just skip this blog all together cause you are doomed to be alone…..again….. Some folks could care less about “why” ….. but if your so self centered as to think its always the other persons fault then I have the bad taste to inform you that there is NO greedy section on the love train. The love train only seats people willing to give. So if your smart enough to figure out “why” then your closer to a ride. The answer to why wont fix the problem though…. You have to decide what your going to do about it.
but if your response is to do …..Nuthin…….then the whys aren’t worth a whole lot.

Understanding why people do what they do is……fun dawg. Daddy does love his crystal ball.

Implementing a solution is……..not easy.

Finding someone attractive is….easy…making a relationship work is….hard.

Saying you want to be loved is…….easy. Breaking down a wall you’ve spent thirty years building up is……hard.
Yes Trey …..you are a sooooper genius.

Cause finding out I gots a problem aint worth a dayuummm if I don’t plan on fixing the issue. So Ahma gunna finish up this string o ugly blogs by shedding some demons TODAY.
The girl from my other blog “slow cookin foreigner and the game winner” was defriended on facebook with good justifiable reason. And Here tis……

Mind you “Mailney” and I haven’t spoke in oh say….15 years.

On the first day of punking ….my true punk gave to me:

A facebook message that said:

Im sad, I need to talk to you.

I immediately typed back “Heres my number call me… You ok?”… two weeks go by. Count em….Two.

On the second week of punking….my true punk gave to me:

A facebook message that said:

I need to ask you SOMETHING.

I immediately typed back my number again said hope your ok. I also sent an email “Whats wrong?”

A week later I sent a second email.

…….Nothing………no response…NADA….Niente…el zilcho.

On the second MONTH of punking ….my true punk gave to me

A facebook message that said:

How are things in general?

I immediately typed back “what in the flying shit are you talking about? Is this what you had to ask me?” I found her phone number and called about 7 or 8 times in a two day period…...no one ever answered the phone.

Five days later I get a facebook message that said:

“Aren’t you concerned about Drew Carey?...Gosh the old Trey used to have a heart….”

……Im ………….…speechless

Today was not a good day to punk Trey. I hit the defriend button……. with pleasure.
I have no doubt we will meet again. And I do like to be prepared. It wont be pretty and I don’t care. Hopefully her husband will be there and I can offer my condolences. That’s the way Im built. I don’t do make up sex. If you piss me off I fight back with the intent to injure….not to amuse.….. Im always surprised when I see people dish it out …but when the counter punch comes they feign innocence and act like you’re the one who’s being rude.
I have to laugh because I DO say “I don’t start fights but Ill be happy to end it.

I used to be an easy target and ahm happy to say ……Ive learned my lesson……cool dude. The bones of past punkers that fill my closet….are going out with the trash. Gunna use the space for sumpin betta.

In ma world this is a wonderful example of how I made the right decision because everything was totally one sided. I was doing all the work. The first time I punked her though…after she did it to me FOR YEARS…...she got pissed. However it was perfectly acceptable for her to punk me without end. The same was true of “Tiny” in my last blog. Its ok for Trey to get punked without any end in sight…but the FIRST time Trey punks back ……well…..

With enemies like this ….who needs fake girlfriends?

I don’t doubt my own abilities but I have to seriously reconsider my chance of success in the mating arena when I have to ask the question “how long do you have to ignore a woman to get her attention?” When no means yes and yes means not really……my ability to reach you is severely crippled at best. Finding love? FAIL. Treys fault?? ….Not today……..the mirror is over there. Knock yourself out. The love trains still a rollin……still searchin for ma girl.

I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).

Bring it……...bring some sunshine. Cloudy days and rain are fine…..as long as they make you grow. I like the idea that I can learn from a bad experience. Figuring out your getting punked isn’t fun….but its one fine thing to discover by draggin it into the light…….but……doin something about it is what really counts. I know Im glad to put this all to bed. Whew!....ahm tarred!! Nitey Nite!

Gold, Brian Wilson, and the good bye

2010-04-26T14:04:00.000-07:00

There is never a good time to say goodbye. I wish I could take credit here. But Brian Wilson said it best

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
Ill make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you

Lemme say the best loves in my world are also intense friendships. Even that, you will find, is far too rare for my liking. Powerful trust and comfort comes rarely on the open sea. But real love is based on more than what the adult world will offer both of us……So I ask you all to bring you’re A game to the table. Cause I want you well fed when I take your hand, put you in bed and snuggle up behind you in perfect comfort…..my arm wrapped around you …….making you safe and secure for the night.
Make peace in your world cause the reality on TV does NOT make me happy.
I think when you have entertainment in the form of COPS, addicted, Jerry Springer, Locked up, CSI, and repo man …..love has few friends in this world.
Life is not easy and apparently people enjoy seeing everyone else’s life in torment.
Im not happy bout that. Happy people make happy relationships.
TV shows, sales people, weight loss commercials, they all imitate love to get your attention. Sex sells. Still…. sex isn’t love. Don’t be fooled. It’s everywhere. And I don’t want you to settle for someone with a sales plan and a mask.
In the face of being marketed to….you will find a lot of people who will use you..…lie….embellish, fake and even put on an act to hide their ugliness …just to get you in bed. Keep your heart close. Its important that you know the difference between hamburger and steak. If you cant….go back to cooking school….. cuz your heart is going to hurt…….. Again. When you find something real….hold onto it with everything you have. Everyone seems to think the love train is just around the corner. Don’t fool yourself. Honestly, some people never see the love train again. So be ready.
My own history includes what I thought would be a good decision. I was wrong. True story. My own marriage devolved to the point that my wife once said to me “I wish you would hurry up and die like your dad should have done years ago”.
I know you’re under a lot of pressure. Work, health insurance, gas prices, car repairs, and food prices make it difficult to work on yourself because you’re managing life.
Think about it. None of that mattered in 8th grade…..did it?
That’s why 8th grade love is just the best. Hunt for that feeling inside yourself. Its done a lot for me.
In a world where money is king……love is only a stranger……nameless, faceless, and passing through.
But its rarity……makes it priceless……..keep your gold…….I’d rather have your hand.
Being wrapped up in real love feels like nothing else. And you know it. New clothes, a good meal, a good movie……just……satisfy for a moment….and that’s all.
You will not be able to cheat …. Lie …fake …or manipulate someone to get that feeling.. If you try to….you will fail……and I will be very sad. So don’t tell me if that’s your chosen path. Cause I cant follow you.

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on
believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you

Bring it…….bring nothing. You have already given me much and I want the best for all of you. Keep your heart open. Trey Logan may not be a super genius but he does know the only thing you really have is what you make with someone else. I still have work to do but its worth it to find that love again. Love fail? PASS. I want you there with me when the love train comes to town. I have an extra ticket. So give me your hand and say “hold me”. Cause God only knows if I will ever see you again.

The reunion,The fight, and the milestone

2010-04-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

I want you to read all of this blog…..Please....I have something to say at the end. First, I wanna thank all you girls for spending time here. That’s important to me. I’m coming up ona nuther milestone. Next week will mark a whole year of bloggin. Yeah dude…..cool. I think my experience is a lot like yours. Its therapy and entertainment……and I wish I could be doing it all in person with ya cuz I love that feeling that connection brings. I hope I’ve been able to give ya sumpin worthwhile over the last year…….cause you’ve been good to me…..And I’ve thought about all of you more than you will know.…... Now I can’t take credit here.

Now most every morning I
Stare out the window and I
Think about where you might be
I've written you letters
That I'd like to send
If you would just send one to me

For years I walked to school. Rain , snow, and summer mornings it was always an adventure. I would get there just as the doors were opening so the only person there was the custodian…….. and me. The halls…….totally silent at 7 in the morning. With all that free time you would think my grades would be top notch. I gotsta tell ya
They weren’t.
I never got much prodding to do well in school…..I spent ma time loving my classmates instead. We would “pitch quarters” ifn ya know what that means. Laughing and kidding around until the bell rang at 9:05.
Ya see. Life at home …..wasnt all that fun…so I really took (and still do) take stock in making friends…that was VERY important to me ( trey logan….you ARE…… a sooooper genius).
Jacks party was……. A perfect high skool memory. A summer nite. Loud music, innocent boozing, good friends, no schedule, no worries, no curfew. Indestructable youth at its peak…..…like all boys eventually…my manhood was tested that night. Like I said, School was not a strong suit for me so I’m still not sure I passed. I……….got into a fight.
Chad and I were going to take a spin in the fiat and some guy had me blocked in. I tried to get him to move a few times and waited. To my disbelief he came over and started rocking the car. What the $%&*?????
I am NOT an angry guy but ahm tellin ya.. I FLEW outta the car ….right up against this guys chest. He was ……alot taller than me.

“IFYOUTOUCHTHISCARAGAINIMGONNAKICKYOURASS!”

He swung at me and missed. I literally grabbed him and flipped him. When he stood up….. I immediately broke his nose.
The crowd broke it up. Trey Logan Fail? ….mmmm…..doesnt get ma vote this time.
That’s when……..Valerie was suddenly glued to my side for the rest of the night. What the S%&* is she doin?? Valerie??
Later that summer we all went tubing at Goshen pass. Another perfect summer memory. Valerie somehow ended up on my tube. This …is….weird….“Is she ok??” We splashed and played all afternoon. Youth, innocence and young love. Valerie and the moron on a big black cheerio agoin downriver. Pabst a chillin in warm river water.
Lemme say..…I’m not too bright. I miss alot of stuff. Im still that way.
When senior year started she ……..started coming in to school early. Really early…… like when I was the ONLY person there. …puzzled look….O……K.
It took nearly ALL of senior year until Whitney walks up to me…… point blank “Valerie wants to go to the prom.”

“Really? Who does she like?”

She stared……paused and said…….. “Trey not EVERY girl in school is after Chad”…….and walked off. I

I……fell……………hard.

The prom was more than perfect. Hotel Roanokes ballroom was perfect. Her cousins picture, Kylene Barker, Miss America is still there on the wall.
Of course you cant leave the prom and return. The principal stood at the front door to insure we weren’t having TOO much fun. In what may be the only good decision I have ever had…..a month before the prom …….I rented a room for that nite! All nite long we…..walked passed him at the front door …..and hit the elevator button. We smiled…..…he frowned…….By the end of the evening the room was FULL…..people coming an goin….I had NO clue who everyone was….but everyone was havin a great time!!!!! Eventually it was just the two of us…….
Senior week we did what everyone did…….went to myrtle beach for a week! Yeah dude….Cut off blue jeans and flip flops……..cheap sunglasses and cases of Boones farm. Days in the sun….nights in the surf……Could life get any better??? The summer was love and smiles….. effortless, unbreakable…unshakeable wholeness. Young love that consumes all that you are…………………………………..there is nothing else but that. And nothing…….nothing will ever feel THAT good……
College started in the fall. It took only a month before she ………left me for another.
My world……….stopped. Completely.
My soul….poured out on the floor
How do you live without eating ? without sleeping? Without love? Are you really living? Is this all there is? I……cant live without that …..and now its…..just ……. Gone.
Six months into her freshman year she was wearing an engagement ring……his dad owned a jewelry store or so I had heard.
Every five years I helped organize our class reunions.
Every five years she didn’t show.
No one knew where she was. When I say no one I mean …..NO ONE. Even on the internet…..…her name just……….disappeared.
Still…….I knew one day I would see her again. So I …….waited.
Our 20 year reunion was approaching and I was adamant that we have it at the hotel where we had the prom……thinking it would be romantic….again…
She would walk in…as beautiful as the day we met……her smile would tell me yes and I would give her anything ………and everything….….forever……….
I surfed the web for nearly a year thinking surely something will pop up……..
On the last page of a lengthy search I found it.

Her obituary.

She died just two years ago.

My heart

Broke…………

And I dropped to the floor.

No.

Please

Whywhywhywhy?

SomeonetellmeandtheanswerbetterbethebestdamnthingeverimnotkiddingcauseimnotgonnastopaskingtillsomeonetellsmeananswerthatmakesmewholeagainDOYOUHEARME!!!!?

The dust settles and

I was……..not done……

I still needed to see her.

I found her dad.
He lived several hours away.
I made the call.
Her stepmom answered.
I said.

My name is

Trey

You

Don’t

Know

Me

But

Can I come and

talk to you?

ValeriewasmyhighschoolsweetheartandIjustneedtoseeher

I made the drive.

When she opened the door I came apart.

She showed me pictures of the last 20 years. We spent the afternoon together and I confessed my love……and my pain.

When I left.

I was free.

Big smile……

Free

It would take nearly 24 years after our breakup before I would fall in love again. If you find it again…..you have to do everything you can to keep it. Promise me you will do that.

This is why…………………………I preach to you……. ….keep your heart open.

Because………. Im leaving you.

I’ve made a decision……..one that’s……… not pleasant. I’ve had to make sad choices in the past but that does not ease pain that loss brings…..and I am there……..again.

My next blog will be my last.

'Cause you left me
Just when I needed you most

Bring it……….bring some peace…..cause this is hard for me. You girls deserve alot and stopping by in YOUR world has made me smile more than you realize.

a lemon farmer, The last child, and a couple of bags of dirt

2010-04-12T14:01:00.000-07:00

Oh dude…..I am READY. I am SO ready. O…..yeah. I am SOOO……wrong. I was …Not ready dude. I.’m losing you again aren’t I ???
Practice was great this Saturday. It was Sunday that I couldn’t move. I made the right choice though. This franchise has talent and my body is FEELIN it. As per usual. I missed the mark. Been training hard…...just not hard enough I guess. Sunday I could barely get around. I wrapped my left thigh, knee AND ankle and went back to bed. When I woke up my whole left leg was swollen. I looked like the Travelocity gnome with elephantitis.
Fan…….tastic.
I guess its time to raise ma A game. Either I underestimated my teammates or I was overconfident. Either way…… Ahm diggin deeper. Lemme say….. I can be underestimated too……small smile….Now I can’t take credit here.

Hate's in the city
And my love's in the meadow
Hands on the plow
And my feets in the ghetto

Ok….ah got schooled……pay attention Trey……No part of the plan included getting thrown from the horse…. Oh well ……back on the horse dude…lesson learned….. I do have more to learn but gunna survive... I’m a quick study so the next step is to haul ya back to the classroom…whether YOUR ready or not……...wry smile. Some things just do NOT go as planned…….last child indeed….
Getting by is one thing……livin is another. I was horrified once when my grandma told me she and my granddad always did JUST enough to get by ……and that was all.
Fan..…..tastic
I’m part Italian so it took a fair amount of restraint to garnish ma tongue. Because what I was thinking was “that explains why the family is worth a couple of bags of dirt……” Haha..….wait..….what?
Boy that’s not pretty. So the thought never left my lips. Bullet dodger mode fo sho…….I faired better than the time I caught her eating an ENTIRE box of Whitmans chocolate. Ya know those big sampler deals?? Getting by was a GREAT plan …….to get her a SECOND set of knee and hip replacements. Bright idea? FAIL.
I stared at her as she popped them one after another……stoopified …….. Blink….blink…
I casually said she SHOULD be exercising. Her enlightened response? “I work around the house.” I….raised my voice a bit….. “That’s LIFE grandma!….....thats NOT exercising.” When I realized she wasn’t listening to me AT all……… I went to the kitchen.
And came back with a beer.
I flopped down beside her and popped the top for effect. I licked my lips and took a long slurping satisfying guzzle. Gulp……gulp…….gulp…..Ahhhhhhhh.
I looked over
Gramma was staring at me.
“you really shouldn’t drink”.
“O gramma” I scoffed….”its never to early to pickle your liver or get another knee replaced….besides….I work around the house.”
She didn’t like that answer.
It wasn’t a proud Kodak family moment. Her with a 6000 calorie Whitman sampler and me with a Bud lite.

Hypocrites 2…….Communication 0.

Where was I?

Oh yeah

I think its easy to underestimate or undervalue whats important. (thanks ....Trey Logan..…you …….are a sooooper genius) In my world it happens a bit too much for my liking. Getting by aint a lot of fun when livin is really what youre after. I wish things were different……. Meh…….wishin don’t make it so……. Im sorry to say. Ifn I had ma way Id letcha get your wish. Personally Id be wishin for fewer lemons…..and to have your head on my chest.
I know too many people who are getting lemons from life far too often. It might be good for me to consider becoming a lemon farmer……You make the lemonade and we’ll be getting somewhere.
In football underestimating the defense is……..not a good idea. Be ready…...or be ready for pain. One thing you can count on…….the hits just KEEP comin…..till they get you down. SO I better plan on getting up ……..every play.
The love train doesn’t stop on the bad side of town often. When it does stop on easy street…its only there for a while so ya besta be ready!! So be prepared to wave as it goes by ..…..or make peace to find your own happiness. That’s the secret for two tickets to the gun show or a pass on the love train. But more than that……..
My stock as a man is measured by my ability to stand up when theres a storm. When things are good…love is easy…….its when things are tough that I need my character to be a rock….….for my lover. Cuz fair weather love wont last long.
I need to remember that.

I was a last child
Just a punk in the street

Bring it……..bring a better plan. Maybe together we can come up with sumpin that will make us both smile. I’d vote fuh that ma love. How bout the best defense is a good offense? I am SOOOOO ready. You playin or what?

Brass balls, New flowers, and love on the limit

2010-04-05T14:14:00.000-07:00

Been reminiscing a bit with old high school friends (I say old….. but I don’t mean it). They’re still the best buncha hooligans goin. I still run into a few who say they hated that time…..…which baffles me but I guess I have to be more understanding cuz everyone didn’t have the same experience I did. Nowadays it seems the pressures of adulthood kinda put the kibosh on finding love on every street corner. Now I cant take credit here.

I have climbed the highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

My buddy Chad and I had a long history…....all of it good. There isn’t enough space on ma blog to tell ya all that we did in high school…..
But I remember one time…he picked me up…..all frantic…..excited…..nervous……”I gotta go see her man!.......I just gotta”
We were in high school and he was gaga over some college girl……. and the plan???....... Sneak on the all girls campus at night and get in her dorm. Haha...….wait……what?…
.blink….blink…..yeah….small smile…...no worries…..sure…....this will work……ARE YOU NUTS???”
I kid you not
He had a t shirt on that said “liquor in front poker in rear”….well…if you read that slowly it can mean two different things…..read that again…..
Needless to say…….its NOT the shirt you wear to woo a young maiden. So I took off my wrestling shirt and he put.it on while we drove. He was really nervous….not sure what to say…..perfect young love on the limit……cool dude.
We coasted in with the lights off so not to tip off security and off silently in the dark he went.
I sat in the car and waited…….and waited……..and……waited some more.

Until I see ……….the campus police cruiser…

O…..MANOMANOMANOMAN…..

I sink down in the seat and my body goes stiff.

O…..NONONONO……

Where in the $h*# is he?

Fan…..…tastic. Whatamigunnasay?

Hello officer I …..I…uh…ibba kay toona meffa slooty pooble…haha..slooty pooble?.....k? hehe you can believe that cant you officer?
I held my breath and it just ……..slowly went on by.
Ah couldn’t really be mad at Him. If anything I was happy and envious. Heck I was excited FOR him! Yeah dude….cool….those butterflies are just the best ya know?
THAT’S the feelin ahma huntin……just like the chills I get when I listen to “dream of the return” by Pat Metheny…. Warning…… do NOT down load this song unless you are prepared…….I work hard not to weep whenever I hear it. Seriously.
Justa letcha know…… round 3 emailed me. …..silence……..
It was a scathing attack that I had blown her off when she needed me and that I was NOT a knight in shining armor as she had thought…..I asked her if we could get together so I could clear the air because email just doesn’t do it for me. I got back several emails dodging my attempts to fix it……….so I sent this………

“I dont like it when i see someone take a step that distances them from what they really want.
I dont fight those people any more
I let them say the opposite of what they want, then give them what they ask for.
I DO "get you" ... dont you FEEL that???....and if you work hard at keeping me at a distance I wont try to stop you.......and these are the kinds of things that once they get ruined they dont get fixed.....
all you can do five years later is look back and say...i should have done things differently......
call me......”

well……I did ma best…..my phone stayed silent……. No butterflies today. Will there be another email? No dude…..said ma piece……big smile.
In the shadows I can barely make out a figure running full tilt toward the car ……..As Chad gets closer I can see him smiling…….and I did too. Today is a good day to have brass balls.
They’re relationship didn’t last but the memory of that evening was perfect. Looking back….I wouldn’t have done anything different.. Epic Trey logan FAIL?.......Not today.

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

Bring it……….bring it when your hearts open. Actually….small smile…..I put that on a card I sent with some flowers today…hehehe …met someone I thought was nice……..I don’t stay down for long so if your heart is closed…. I might just…....letcha go! My buddy Chad is……….gone. Buried before we were done. I……still have his memories with me and…….. he deserved a bit more …even after high school…reality rules…cheers Chad. I miss ya buddy and wish you were here so I could tell ya how the flowers go.

No Love ration, No round 3, and no 7 second hug

2010-03-29T14:09:00.001-07:00

Yeah dude……it was bound to happen. I turn the corner and ..…..she is there. Its her. No question. I …….STOP and the world goes quiet …….. her back is to me and it takes me a moment. I start walking….silently……. up to her. Her blond mane spilling down her back……blue jeans……. painted to perfection. One foot….. dancing on her shopping cart. She is…….on the phone and I stop seamlessly behind her.
She turns in mid sentence…… her beautiful brown eyes swell and I see her breathe in deep and she smiles without control. Her conversation…….stops because she …isnt thinking. I smile down at her and we are both …..speechless.
The moment is perfect silence and I say nothing. She is stunning to view. Her eyes, instantly soft and longing ….. no effort between us…instant comfort…. she gazes…… and stutters on the phone.

The world comes crashing in …....and she laughs ……trying to compose herself.

I slowly back away and motion that its ok. My smile….. big and genuine says everything. Hers does too. Now I can’t take credit here.

Shot through the heart and you're to blame
Darlin' you give love a bad name

Relax . There wont be a round three. I kept the smile……. And walked away. Yeah dude….made ma point. Been played before. You only get ONE shot at that. Ya know? Its not all about good looks….besides shes……still taken. Yes I am a sooooper genius. I had a fellow coworker say a 7 second hug is the most effective (Maybe I shoulda tried that!).
The world of intimacy for a man is….different than that for a woman…. I need some schoolin on what women desire. But I’ll do my best to demystify some things if ah can……I cant say its ALL easy to hear…or that’s it’s the ONLY side of the coin….but I will say its JUST an opinion…….just like the earth is round is JUST an opinion.
Lemme say that sex isn’t the only dimension to a mans world……. But I gotsta tell ya…its UP there. If you THINK its not…….your wrong. Some men I am sure can have what they consider a satisfying relationship without intimacy.…but I just couldn’t live as an accountant. I’ll go so far as saying that’s unhealthy/abnormal. It’s the same whether your plumbing is indoor or outdoor.….if your intimacy level is UNABLE to budge from the trashcan… you only have a dysfunctional relationship (and even THAT’S questionable). Do NOT be shocked when the NOTHING you have….. falls apart. If you think you can…..just…. SLOWLY train him not need intimacy but every once in a while n “he seems ok with it”… your foolin ONLY yourself. ….I’m sorry that’s not what folks want to hear. Meh….I dunna care if that’s seems critical, shallow, short sighted, or judgmental….. but tell me your relationship is satisfying without it and I’ll call you a liar. Either unwilling or unable to self evaluate the pleasure your missing. It may be my opinion…… but its YOUR loss. Yeah dude another blanket statement from a sooooper genius.

Fan…....tastic.

Isnt life tough enough as it is? Hahaha …..wait……what?
I ACTUALLY had a partner ask me “how much time do you need?” …….Romance? FAIL. It made me sad…..she wanted to know how little time was required for me to be satisfied. I said “if that’s your perspective …. I wouldn’t worry about it. Find someone else to answer that for you”.
Gunna put the shoe on the other foot…….
What if I had said….”how little affection and caring do you need to consider this a relationship? Can you get by with just a teeny amount?”
If you are going to RATION the quality AND quantity of physical intimacy you offer your partner……what do you expect to get in return for your efforts in being the best roadblock to love EVER?????? Well?
Physical intimacy is communication for a man. If you cut that off….he will go elsewhere to communicate. If you think that’s an exaggeration….oh……..you already experienced that …huh?
"COME ON TREY!!!.....sex isn’t communication for a guy….thats silly”…….
Chuh
RRR….ight
How happy would you be if I cut off your communication and put a piece of duct tape over your mouth…. Oh you can take it off once every 5 days …when im not too tired…and don’t have a headache….for a couple of minutes. You gunna be satisfied with that or what?
you feelin me?
Gonna go a step further….what if youre not CONCIOUSLY being distant…its just that you don’t have the time (or energy) to find out what makes you OR your lover tick? That’s it?....Are you serious?......
That works about as well as me sayin “I don’t have the time, energy or money to take you to dinner or shopping ….an don’t even think about me givin you a hug or help clean up”….how you like me now?......In my book it makes no difference whether you run into the road or just lay down to get run over. The result is the same. Last time I heard….. laziness still gets an F. Congrats…...youve earned it. No effort……and youre reward is……. the sound of crickets dying. I double dog dare you to argue with me about this…if this isn’t so, we’ll just put it to the test. Cut your partner off n call me five years. Ahm willin ta bet youre reward will be the finest match.com has to offer.

ENOUGH TREY!!! I GOTS IT!! …ok….said ma piece.

Where was I?
Oh yeah…..
The tango is not solo. Stampeding cattle on the tracks of the love train is a two person deal. Peace. I confess…… Im guilty too.
Consider this…….selective hearing is only half the coin.. …selective speaking can be just as damaging…..ifn ya don’t ask any questions……..then WHY are you expecting any answers? Some doctors say “if you dont hear from me ….then everythings fine”. Chuh…..that philosophy worked really well for my marriage. “Honey….if you dont hear from me….. everythings fine”. Enter……Divorce.
I’m not much of a man unless I understand YOUR priorities…. And support you without question. I like bringing out the best in my lover. You better plan on doin the same cuz I wont take less. When I say “I get you” ….I want you to feel that connection that someone loves and cares…..if you have OTHER plans…. Keepa gittin it…

An angel's smile is what you sell
You promise me heaven then put me through hell

Bring it………..bring it only when your hearts ready. If your taken…..stop trying to bring it. I want you all to myself or not at all.
I DO want your head on my chest and for you to feel safe and secure when I pull you close. If you tell me youd rather watch CSI…..Ill pass..…theres enough dead bodies in here already. I STILL don’t want to be known as the undertaker of love. Lifes too short. Ya know?

The light switch, the rollercoaster, and the tasmanian devil

2010-03-23T13:56:00.001-07:00

Oh dude …..Got the “snap”. ….again. My bad. The crackle and pop are typically right behind so …nothing unusual…. Im losing you already aren’t I?......
Ya know that first part of a relationship where your……..eyes brighten?….that fun playful time where its new and interesting. …bits o butterflies an all. It’s lookin promising ……and then………that light switch goes off. “KERPLINK”…..Your date does something that’s a deal breaker……nonnegotiable…..irreparable……finito. LOL I was wondering…… is this how it happens with ma bloggy girls? Instantaneous detachment?
Oh well….. nothing ventured nothing gained………hehehe In truth I need to celebrate the fact my radar was working well!.......... I have to admit I can’t do the fair weather thing. Ifn ya know what ah mean. If you run hot ….then cold……then hot….. I’ll run elsewhere. I’m not very good at averaging all that out to be…….lukewarm. Now I cant take credit here.

Rollercoaster of Love
say what?
Rollercoaster (oohh oohh oohh)...

Does …….ANTHING …….get any better than old school funk?........Even MC hammer had to remake Rick James……...be……atch. hahaha.. .…wait…....what?
Im……sorry…..when you roll hard, hitting the brakes just….give me emotional whiplash.….. all these….bells, whistles and flags go up. Like some contraption on Willy Wonka in high gear.....jaw dropping, sensory overload disbelief. Sorry. I feel like I must be more trigger happy than the average bear. But when protection mode punches ma gut…. Im afraid there’s NO recovery. Prospective lovins? FAIL.
where was I?

Oh yeah…..

Its not always bout me. By that I mean …. I assume the other person has a bit o “been let down” too. So its VERY possible I said the wrong thing or pushed a button the wrong way. Gotsta keep that in mind. Ya know?
I have had a few brushes with what I call the “Taz”. As in “shes plumb eat up with the Taz”. I know things are tough these days. Work, bills, reality tv gone wrong, bills, family and bills. But I get a glazed stare when I have a date……. suddenly….without warning……turn into the tazmanian devil for 45 seconds then reappear with no memory of the event. Blink…….Blink.

Rollercoaster of love indeed.

I guess I was thinking of a different kind of love rollercoaster. My bad.
My exwife actually said to me “men like bitches”.

Y……..eah.

RRR…….ight

Er…….not THIS man. Hence the divorce. If that was her goal she certainly succeeded.
The best relationships in my world were effortless. No Mrs Jeckyl no Ms.Hyde. Men manifest depression through anger. Did ya know that? I remember being down in my own marriage and being short fused a lot…..which did NOTHING to help matters. I think women can easily misunderstand that. When youre being yelled at you don’t normally think of depression as the cause. You don’t really give a $&|^ . You just want it to stop. I always liked to say I worked on the marriage. The exwife worked on getting out of it. LOL ……she won.
Im not sure what it means when a WOMAN keeps her gun loaded AND cocked. I have met a few who went off the deep end..….quick. In my world that’s the warning sign that’s something MORE is wrong than meets the eye.
I’m not sure what other guys do when Taz takes over. Maybe Im not being understanding enough…..but ma gut tells me there are more issues beneath the iceberg that I get to see and so I slowly back peddle out of the room with a strained grin on ma face and turn on the vacancy sign again.
I SERIOUSLY do NOT mean this to be an episode of the “he man woman haters club”…I jes wanna know….. whats up with that? Not ALL girls are this way …..just a few.
I guess the harsh truth that love is fragile is…..more common than anyone wants to admit. It’s a shame that something good can fall apart with some poorly chosen words. Mixed with unbendable pride and here cometh the fall. I don’t like the thought of disposable love. So I have some work to do at home cuz I wanna be ready. Boy I LOVE seein a couple that’s tight …that just…..makes me smile..….yeah dude……. cool. One thing is fo sho, bad seeds don’t grow love. If you got issues don’t expect the love train anytime soon. Same goes for your partner. If theyre life is a DMZ Im not sure I would expect anything other than a sales pitch and a mask. Ever had that?
Happy folks make happy relationships. Since ya cant change people, ma best bet is to make sure IM ready when the time comes.
Seriously dude. If everything ELSE is a priority then …….. Mr wonderful is going to be hard pressed to drop out of the sky an straighten up chaos. I’m sorry that’s not what folks want to hear. And the reverse is true too. When things are a mess for me …….the love train jes keeps ona movin.

All is fair 'n' a big fair ground
Let's go slow, let's go fast
Like a liqorice twist gonna whip your ass

Bring it………bring that outa control feeling that makes your heart feela jittery and sweet…..big smile….sorry I know some of ya will gag on that but……why would you want anything else? I still love rollercoasters………whos with me?

Potluck love leftovers, a purple duck, and the love horse

2010-03-16T13:48:00.000-07:00

Yeah dude…been ruminating over things I’ve heard in the last few weeks….on the menu??......... it’s potluck love leftovers. I read where women on average think the perfect number of lifetime partners for a guy is…………5. Thas a bit…spartan I think given that ahma ole man. Realistically I think that numbers gunna be a shake higher.

I wonder, wonder who, bi du du, who
Who wrote the book of love?

Im far less concerned with who wrote the thing. I really just want ma own copy.
I’m willing to bet the most recent edition has fewer and fewer rules. (I jes might have that backwards). As time goes on……...the rules seem to get cloudy and finding love feels more like prospecting for gold……… in Iowa. Ya know? That’s why I always go back to 8th grade love because the rules seem much easier to understand……….maybe I jes need ta give up that idea and deal with the here and now instead.
Lemme say I can be wrong ……a fair bit. But rarely do I think im confused or hesitant to make a decision. Makes little sense to waffle on pulling the trigger. Yeah dude…the quick and the dead. I don’t want to be caught saying “boy…....the things you see when you haven’t got your gun”.
But lately I feel like Mr. Douglas on green acres. He’s the ONLY sane one in hooterville….(love the name). Everyone else is a few fries short of a happy meal. But he’s the one who looks out of place. …ranting and raving with no connection to anyone else……but he’s NORMAL!!!!… Kinda like the house that’s too cheap….or too expensive for the market to move. Findin a buyer is…….not easy. I feel like im huntin a purple duck.
Where was I?
Oh yeah…
I had an older woman once tell me sex was easy to find and love was much harder. LOL yeah dude…tha rules for sex are much easier to unnastan than all the smoke and mirrors you have to navigate to cultivate love.
I had a buddy tell me that when he showed up at a girls door……. she was the only person who knew whether they were going to have sex that night……and based on what he was wearing….all he could tell you is ….where they were going to eat for dinner.
Ifn ya think about it, maybe the rules for love have always been the same. It’s the shifting sand of culture and social standards that change. I think everyone has heard this…..”The reason people don’t stay married anymore is…..…Wa schumi la pasubi kaka” . Yeah ….blame it on everyones lack of hanging in there when the going gets tough. Uh ….Chello? The world is 30 times tougher now than it was for Laura Ingles. Dump her in downtown Chicago an lessee how she fares in finding a successful marriage. My take on it is …..people in the past HAD to withstand the abuse of a bad relationship because they COULDN’T do anything else. Yeah…that was good plan. He beats me everyday while he’s drunk and unemployed but…..were still married! Yipppey! …….Marriage? FAIL.
Ahm gunna demystify something here. Marriage is a social convention. Love is not. Problem is……people tend to confuse the two. The goal SHOULD be …..love. Marriage is a verbal contract. ……….and Men I think fail to read the fine print…..myself included…..
Ever been lied to?......Meh…not the best plan to keep a relationship happy. Makes no difference whether you made that promise in front of your God or not. People have been breaking covenants with him for over 2000 years. Sorry. Not what you wanted to hear….I know. But think about it. The concept of marriage is not ironclad. If “till death do us part” were actually enforced…lets face it..…you wouldn’t be readin ma blog right now.….Marriage takes on lots a notions. There are places where men have multiple wives…. 60 year old men marry 15 year old brides……Even having a woman on the side is socially accepted….or even between folks of the same sex. Are you really pursuing marriage……or love? Cause the two aren’t the same. Hehehe nowadays?...... Both are hard to get sho nuff….but even HARDER to KEEP.
I heard a comedian say “went out with this girl…. On the first date she told me she wanted a serious relationship……. Y…..eah …that’s what I want….. a SERIOUS relationship. Lets make it serious. Leave the fun to someone else.” LOL. When was the last time you went lookin for a man with a heavy heart?......chuh ….right. I want your heart to be light. I don’t want you thinking about the car insurance when I put my hand on the back of your neck and kiss you deeply.
Lemme say I don’t screen a woman for marriage. I SEE if we can fall in love. The marriage cart can’t come before the love horse. That’s crash city guaranteed. Yes I am a sooooper genius. Hey don’t laugh ……if this is such common sense stuff you would think love would be readily available to EVERYONE.
I had a girlfriend tell me “once its over ..its over”. I am JUST old enough to FINALLY understand that you can’t destroy love. The relationship may not survive. But love does. Man…that ……just…..fills me up. Ya know? I had a girlfriend once tell me after we broke up that “ I was very angry with you …but I never stopped loving you.” Too bad we can’t all see it that way. It might make things a bit different.

Chapter One says to love her
You love her with all your heart
Chapter Two, you tell her
You're never never never never ever gonna part
In Chapter Three remember
The meaning of romance
In Chapter Four you break up
But you give her just one more chance

Bring it…..…bring some love. I’ve had my fair share of failed relationships …..(you too??) …….but I still try to keep ma heart open. The modern world is full of bills, schedules, bills, car wrecks, fake reality TV and bills. Love doesn’t fit very well in the cracks. That’s not much of a plan for success. Happy people make happy relationships. ….big smile…..How far do you think you’ll get in a relationship if I CAN’T get to your heart? I don’t always succeed but Im workin to keep ma heart light…..I don’t think you would want me any other way……..so I cant wait to finish 7th grade!!!!! Whatcha doin for the summer?

A pillowfight, houses in love town, and the birds and the bees

2010-03-06T09:20:00.000-08:00

Yeah dude….I……….am a contact lover. If I can get you close to me I want your head in my lap where I can stroke your hair or rub your ear slowly. I will frown openly if you tell me NOT to touch your feet. For me its stress relief and the comfort of building that brick house in love town….. together……I rub you …..you rub me. Lately Ive kinda been havin ta rub maself. Being in the self service isle leaves few options. Hehehe yeah dude ….spending a lot of time in the gym you tend to read articles on how to increase your testosterone levels. Every grid dawg is taking some combination of hormone releaser, prohormone, estrogen crusher and test booster………the latest thing? ……blush……old school……….porn. Now I can’t take credit here.

Feel the heat,
pushing you to decide
Feel the heat,
burning you up,
ready or not
Some like it hot
and some sweat
When the heat is on

Playing football demands a bit of………channeled aggression…..lemme jes put it thata way. Yes….I am a sooooper genius. Sho nuff. But I have a feeling most men (whatever their profession) have similar shortcomings when it comes to being a good lover. If ya think about it……that’s certainly something you have to learn on ya own. You can’t get valuable instruction from your parents growing up on the “how to’s” …thank goodness……just that you ARENT supposed to do it until……….your a mature bird or bee. Yeah dude did I EVER get any instruction as a boy NOT to have sex? …….The serious answer is…..no. My mom apparently got a book from the library regarding the subject and lemme tell ya…as a second grader I was NOT prepared for such a discussion. I dont remember what was said cause I probably blacked out or something when i saw the pictures...... Page 1 "The man sticks his dilly hoo into her cha cha and out comes his hot man chowder".....or something along those lines.....My mom tells me we were both laughing hysterically by the second page. We didn’t finish the book.
At NO point in time was I told to wait for marriage …….or use protection….or ANYTHING of the sort. Instruction?......FAIL. Luckily I………..waited till I was 18. So no regrets there.
Where was I?
Oh yeah….
As a guy …….I don’t think we’re given much in the way of a roadmap or blueprint on what a woman wants. Inside or outside the bedroom. I think women give some thought to what makes a mans switch flip …..which is great!...... but also sad because men are inadequate to return the favor unless they work at it. I admit it. I need your help! I made a D in mind reading 101……
Of course this doesn’t excuse idiocy on ma part. The model most men get revolves around the philosophy “if it moves hit it…if it breathes kill it”. That’s how we solve problems. Forcing the nut, throwing harder, elbow grease, spit, and yelling louder than the next guy are all acceptable ways of handling things…..if you’re a man.. (unless you’re an accountant…..in which case I have NO idea what your role model for love was).
Problem is……….those same communication tools (or lack of) we use from 9 to 5 don’t really condition us for romance when we get home. Even though you lay bricks all day….You cant take a brick to a pillowfight.
Personally I like a lot of balance when Im in love. Until I hit the bedroom. Then I want to be assertive and in control. Ifn ya deny me that then………we gots problems. I must be doin sumpin wrong if you won’t let me enjoy you. I rather like a sirens submission and if Im doing my part right then……theres no resistance when I wind you up, hold you down…… and push your body to tighten for that moment where you ……cant speak and ……cant breathe.

Some like it hot
but you can't tell how hot
Till you try
Some like it hot
so let's turn up the heat
Till we fry

Bring it……….bring some heat. All this snow has got me yearnin for some summa weatha! Hey I like snow but this cold spell is wearin on me! I don’t know what’s worse …….having no skills or having skills and no one to share them with!!! But make no mistake….sharin something you cant get anywhere else makes it worth the hunt……..and the wait. Yeah dude…..Nothin like building a new house in love town.

Return to the tricky fish, the last southern comfort, and the crash

2010-03-02T15:11:00.001-08:00

Gunna letcha know ahead o time. This post is by far the weakest thing EVER. Been very busy so ahm just having random thoughts and i can only hope I make more sense next week.
Been kinda quiet about semipro football lately. Ive been training like a man possessed…. but keeping a low profile. Mad skills in progress during the off season. Yeah dude….Nothing left to chance. I’m trying out for a different team this year. It’s a long story dude…….but I want a change and I’m up for it. Tryouts were last Saturday. I am sore. I was hoping to really impress but my times were off. So I did good……just not……...great. There were guys faster than me but that’s ok. Now I know what to work on….I have EVERYTHING else. I plan on blowin people up this year. Sorry……I know it’s too early to trash talk and to blow my own horn…Im just………boiling to play. Lemme say I like getting comments. Yes I am a sooper genius so a bit of recognition is good for my psyche. Ran into an old lifting buddy the other day. “Man, your big as a house”. ….big smile….

My experience with the Bruins was mixed last year…that’s a kind revue……SO I tried out for the Crash in huntington……..I JUST got word from the coach….I made the cut! YES! Its a bit of a drive …but it’ll be worth it!!!! Now I can’t take credit here.

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

I haven’t been frequenting the local establishments lately. I still see people I DON’T know on the streets who ask when Im playin guitar again but I went out a few weeks ago and the SMOKE nearly killed me. I’ve been a little nervous about getting the chemistry right with the new team too. So I’ve been…….decompressing with the bottle.
Enough………. I had too much southern comfort, too much fun and too much looking my age the day after. Its affecting my ……performance………..on the field. So I’m going to go back to playing some guitar to relax. Found an old shoebox of at least a hundred original tunes I wrote. Time to put them on disc.
After tryouts I went to the tricky fish in Charleston again. Fosters on tap……60’s music …the place ….barren of patrons....perfect…… its kinda cool to go to a town you never go to, find a hole in the wall bar and just…………..unwind. Albeit alone. But I was thinking it would have been nice to share tryouts with someone special but I suppose the lack of company was good for focus before tryouts so its ok.
I was reading an article on what women want in a man…….no this NOT a joke. No I didn’t pick up a cosmo. Hehehe
Where was I?
Oh yeah….
I am supposed to be……..a quiet genius. Witty, strong, confident, a blue chip prospect who doesn’t sweat the small stuff. I’ll work on it. I think I just need to leave this town. Suggestions?
I got a buddy who keeps asking how to keep this girl he’s after interested. Should I call her? Heres what she texted….how do I respond? She said she would call at five..its five thirty do I call her?......she sent me this email…. what should I say? …....Jeesh……Confidence? …FAIL
I told him to show up and take a Hershey’s kiss out…. unwrap it and put it in her mouth and kiss her. He said “where did you get that?” whadya mean? “I mean where did you see that? If you got it from a movie then she may have seen it.” ……..small silence….I didn’t see it in a movie…………that’s all me. “Oh”…. Maybe you can give her MY number……..small smile

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

Bring it………..bring some change. No I don’t need bus fare ya silly! It makes me feel good to see folks who have a good thing goin. Cool……gunna have me some o that one day! Hehehe Im a bit jealous I admit it. I’ve been lucky to have some close encounters lately and Im grateful for that. But I’m still by the side of the road with my thumb out for the real deal neal. Tricky fish indeed………Im optimistic for times close ahead s’all I can say.

The shot, the derby, and bad glue

2010-02-22T14:09:00.000-08:00

Ok dude….. the race was this weekend. An lemme tell ya……. it was a barn burner. My bloggy girls hearts are all in the right place …big smile……..and there were lessons all around for me and my son this weekend. So I gotsta tell ya …..NOTHING happened the way ANY of us thought. I like it when bad luck really turns out to be a glass of lemonade. Albeit a small one. This one though was CLOSE………real close. Now I can’t take credit here.

But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well.

The weekend started out with basketball practice for ma boy and……it’s NOT going all that well. I won’t get into the details…… lets just leave it at that. We get to the pinewood derby with 15 minutes to spare and I have a bright idea. I’ll put some glue on the axles to make sure they’re secure.

Lemme say that again.

I’ll put some glue on the axles to make sure they're secure. I am a SOOOOPER genius.
We go to weigh in the car. 5.0 Oz. ……..perfect!!!!!!
I go to spin a wheel in satisfaction ….one last time.
It’s glued to the car. THEYRE ALL …..GLUED TO THE CAR!.

...O……GODOGODOGODOGOD……….
My head…………….is swimming…… and I can hear people talking "Gorfa toob a fishna te kooble"
NONONONONONONO…..this CANNOT be happening. OH MY LORD NO……
I look up to see the satisfied smirks of the dads who are now congregating to see why this guy is suddenly freaking out. You can’t make this stuff up. It’s worse than a nightmare.
10 minutes to race.
My eyes in shear panic….. I grab my son…. “FINDSOMESPAREWHEELSANDAXLES LIKEYOURLIFEDEPENDSONIT!!!!!!!!GO GO GO!!!!”
I race outside to the car for tools and he shows up with some spares.
I realize at this point…… IF……IF we can get the wheels on……..he’ll be the slowest car there because the wheels and axles are right out of the box. Fatherhood ? FAIL. It’s a repeat of last year…last place. It’s hard to conceal the look on my face. Im thinking lets just withdraw and Ill apologize. I deserve it……
My son however does not…..
I put the thing together
5 minutes to race.
We RUN in to weigh……don’t ……breathe……my heart sinks…..we’re overweight by 3 ounces! OMANOMANOMAN… the wheels are stock and haven’t been milled out like the other ones. Everything is in slow motion. THINK TREY YOU MORON…….
We RUN back to the car. I grab a knife and BUTHCER the car……B U T C H E R. Taking out huge chunks of it to get the weight down. The top…..the sides…..the back. it look like someone ran over the thing with a train. I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!
We run back inside with frankencar and weigh. The car is BARELY together. I am truly afraid a wheel will fall off in mid race. Ahm gunna be sick…..I’m serious. It’s a disaster. Complete with ex wife in attendance to add to the pain. And then my son says.
“We’ve done our best dad……..”
I look at him …..and realize.
We have hustled, father and son over the last 15 minutes to make the car our own. Under pressure. By the seat of our pants, together. I smile …….and the hug is worth a billion car wins.
He doesn’t go far…….. but he doesn’t come in last place!! So all in all it was more successful than last year and we celebrate even though the outcome isn’t adorned with trophies or fan fare. It’s a failure on the track but the reward is far more important. His smile was enough to put me on the moon.
We sleep on the boat that night and rest up for his basketball game on Sunday.
He has NEVER scored a point. N E V E R. Even all of last year too.
In the last quarter he gets 2 free throws after he gets fowled trying for a shot.
Im ……holding my breath.
He misses.
The second one……… goes in! Yeah dude. Success! Ma boy is an NBA star!!!!.....
We’re still losing the game but ......who cares??? Finally.....
The game is tied with about a minute left and my son……..is all alone under the basket. No one guards him because he …..isn’t a threat. He waves his arms and pleads all game long because he’s WIDE open……. and I am DYING in the stands. Unable to help.
They throw him the ball.
He shoots…… and the ball…….rolls round the rim….…and …..rolls some more …….and then
Drops in.
The Crowd goes NUTS, NUTS I say!!!!!!! and I am dancing, beaming with pride. The game winning point was HIS and they’re undefeated season is STILL intact.

You see, ya can't please everyone,
So ya got to please yourself

Bring it……...bring a lesson worth living for. He will remember all this. When he is grown and life is not so kind. It will be fresh in my memory for some time I know. Nothing better than a good juicy humbling lesson to make me realize what is important and…....what is just…….....Not. We got to throw some football sunday. He says he wants to play football like his old man. One thing at a time ma boy. One thing at a time.

Pining, cheatin, and the ferrari let down

2010-02-15T14:21:00.000-08:00

Ok dude… ahma comin clean……..well……not exactly CLEAN….would you believe …less dirty? Would you settle for that? Small silence……Im a hypocrite. My last post was on trust and ahm breakin ma rules. And I cant tell you how many times I’ve preached truth is best. Not today. Now… gunna try an rationalize this but the bottom line is…..Ima cheatin. Now I can’t take credit here.

Your cheatin' heart will tell on you
Your cheatin' heart will make you weep
You'll cry and cry and try to sleep
But sleep won't come the whole night through

When I was a cub scout in 5th grade I spent an unbelievable amount of time preparing for the pinewood derby. Ya know those little cars you carve out of a block of wood? Well……..my dad I’m fairly sure didn’t even come to the race…….much less help build the thing. But I was very meticulous and spent every waking moment preparing the car. As a boy… ..you don’t know much about cheating…….other than ……don’t do it. Lemme say……I wasn’t smart enough to cheat. I just built the car lovingly. Sanded it, painted it…..made it look cool.

I remember that day. I came in second. I was……..pleased!. WOW!! Second place! Take that! And I did it all by myself!

My son……..is NOT having a good time. Surprise surprise…… I LOVE my son. We don’t get to see each other but maybe every other weekend. He lives 3 hours away. Its awful. I hate it. He’s been a scout for the last two years. When its pinewood derby time he and I get together as much as possible and work out what were going to do. It’s a wonderful bonding time. Working together……..using tools…..explaining things….
The spirit of the whole process is wholesome…Ya know? Really rewarding. Working within the rules……...doing your best even if you don’t win.
He’s come in LAST place both years. L A S T. Not near the bottom……..LAST. This past year he cried. Thats kinda tough especially when formula one is really part of our life. Hes even named after one of the team owners and this was a pic of us at indy last year.
Where was I?
Oh yeah....
I have to admit …two years of getting the smug, arms folded, “you’re a loser” smile from the other dads wasn’t the most pleasant thing for sure.
Enter …… adulthood…….there are all these websites dedicated to showing you how to………. Cheat. I look at them…then I look at the rules…. …then I look at them some more and then ……the lightbulb goes off. Everyone else is …….cheating. I mean not just a little. Its full blown, masterful, underhanded, blatant disregard for the rules that NO one will acknowledge because they’re ALL in on it. It’s a fantastic publicly secret lie like Santa Claus to a first grader. No cheating happens if it isn’t caught. The kind that happens ONLY BECAUSE the dads are involved. Moral fiber? FAIL. It’s just another great example of how the adult world pollutes and poisons innocence.
Ahm gunna be sick………….no……...pissed. If the kids were left to themselves there wouldn’t be any cheating! Won……derful.
The kids don’t know….. it’s the DADs……..I wanna do-over. better yet …..I want justice!!! ….. and then it happens.
I find this website that will sell you a winning car.

I look at it. …Blink…...blink

I see several cars that were AT my son’s race last year.

I’m……….steamed…….

silence……….…fan….tastic.

My son’s confidence is being destroyed by the ugliness that only comes from adults that have no honor or confidence. Liars. Cheats. Bankers. Lawyers. …….Assholes all.

Now I’m pacing……fuming…....The purity and the genuineness of the whole thing is marred, tainted, ruined by the day to day shitty world of adulthood….. and my sons the target. I tell ya ….I wanna go back to 8th grade. This is where……Ima gunna letcha down.
I make the call.
I won’t tell you how much but let’s just say you could buy a real car with the money this is going to cost.
The car will be here in 3 days.
I told my son I hired a Ferrari engineer to help this year.

Your cheatin' heart will tell on you
When tears come down like falling rain
You'll toss around and call my name

Bring it………bring it ……. Ya ..bit…..ches. Sorry……This is WAY out of character for me. And I’m laughing as I type. But I’m also mad. I’m not saying I’m proud of my behavior. Im not. I WILL tell him someday about the whole thing and this will no doubt garner some well deserved chastising and Im ready to hear it from my bloggy girls. But I gotsta tell ya. My son has already learned the lesson on how to lose and keep your chin up.. He’s learned how NOT to bend the rules. He doesn’t need that lesson again. We got it. We’ve had plenty of good times doing our best and some will say im lowering myself to a hollow victory…..but right now I feel like I’m leveling the playing field. THIS YEAR …we’re going to learn a different lesson. How to be a gracious winner

Spotlight, Trust, and a future fortune cookie

2010-02-09T14:04:00.000-08:00

When I was in…. Oh….5th grade a bunch of us would play “spotlight”. We lived next to this military academy and I was a “townie”. So in the summer when school let out and it got dark some unlucky soul would sit on this cannon at the front entrance with a high powered flashlight and everyone’s mission was to get as close as they could to the spotter before being ……spotted…..Simple enough rules. We would play till about…….midnight. Yeah dude….. the hunted and the hunters………all clad in black…..warriors…..spies…….defenders of freedom and the American way…..against all those…..who…..dared……..to be …….mean or nasty. Now I can’t take credit here.

The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door

Spotlight……like any other game….. kinda depended on trust and fairness to work. Nowadays I can’t tell you the number of things that end up in the “I’m not real confident bout this” column. We’re probably in the same boat. Ya know?
Men have this ……propensity to skin a cat…….anyway they can…….rules be damned. Breakin the rules…….takin a risk…….. Playin it safe doesn’t get you in the highlight reel. I think it’s important for women to understand that. Growing up…..boys aren’t applauded by their dads for being conservative. In fact …..boys are typically belittled if their efforts aren’t up to par. I see a lot of mixed messages. Moms….try desperately to make their sons “stand still” and dads who try to make them run faster. It doesn’t surprise me that boys turn out to be men that will ultimately let you down. I admit it. We’re not very smart. Give us conflicting signals and were sure to disappoint you when you want us to be generous, kind, and trustworthy material. LOL clear message? FAIL.
I have to admit I like learning about my weaknesses. I’m not sure you can teach an old dog how to be trustworthy. I don’t think it matters whether the dog is a male or female. You either have it in you …or ya don’t. If I don’t think I can trust you…I’ll jet. So I like being someone that makes a woman feel safe so she is freed up to think about taking ownership of her own satisfaction. Does that make sense? There is nothing better than having my partner trust me FIRST...then ......push till her body responds uncontrollably with tightness.
Hehehe Ill spare you the details because Im sure you have similar stories too. Ive had several monogamous rewarding relationships that were destroyed in under 5 minutes. The reason? I was violently acused of not being trustworthy. Absolutely bunk..... but.....there it was.
I can see how the ability to trust gets destroyed easily. But I always want to be a partner my lover can trust. Lemme say …..I’m worried. I don’t think I’m alone. I don’t see too many folks who have real trust in their partner. If that’s all there is …. I need to give my love to some other cause.
Im seriously considering becoming a foster parent. I kinda like the idea.
I would much rather be a successful foster parent than fail with too many more women who……cant trust ……..and aren’t trustworthy.
Don’t laugh……. I’m seriously considering a mail order bride too. Or …moving to Utah.

Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried
Anyway you'll never know
The many ways I've tried

Bring it………..bring some trust. I cant do it any other way. I know that doesn’t make me different than anybody else. We all want love…….but Im not much of a lover if I cant make you see that Im trustworthy. Love and trust you build together. It doesn’t come with “just add water” and you can’t have one without the other. I’m going to learn Mandarin or Cantonese before the year is out. Can I get a fortune cookie with that?

Dominos, Blue moon, and plan B

2010-02-02T14:56:00.001-08:00

Oh dude I got some BAD news. Im NOT happy about this AT all. I do love my bloggy girls and it’s a great part of my world to get your advice and read your blogs. I get to work everyday and can’t wait to see what’s going on with your lives! ….Ready?... The IT department has fire walled your websites. …..long silence……..Meh………Sh….@$*. I cant even post from work. ……long silence…….SO …Im not going to be able to visit as much as you deserve. I’m……sorry. Now I can’t take credit here.

Blue moon,
you saw me standin' alone
Without a dream in my heart,
without a love of my own

I ……don’t like giving up on something. You have to deserve what you get a couple of times over before I pull the plug. When I do…there’s no remorse, no pain, just………open road.
Cool dude…..hahaha
Wait….what?........Come ON Trey…No pain? ….chuh right.
What I mean is… yeah I DO have that pain …but I only give credence to it for so long.
My high school class has a core bunch of folks that have ALWAYS been tight. We keep in touch over the years. I have to admit I love that bunch and its nice to feel that comfort of seeing old friends. There are some that…over the years have just…..disappeared. We spent 4 years together and for whatever reason they haven’t kept in contact with ANYONE. ….No one……just…....gone. Friendship? FAIL.
Usually I exhaust every resource I can before saying “I cant find them”. This past year….. thing’s were different. It’s been…..29 years that these folks have NOT reached out. So when someone asks where is “so n so?” I say ……I didn’t look for them at all……..they’ve had 29 years to call someone …they haven’t……so I agree…we don’t need to see them (they obviously don’t need to see us) and I don’t care where they are. What matters is that YOURE here.
I was pretty down on my luck with employment a long time ago….and Im sure most can relate……. So I had taken a second job at …..DOMINOES!! …shaking head now……
The outfit was…….a character builder……just in itself.
I didnt mind the job so much..…that is ….until Pam opened the door.
We went to high school together.
She was having a party.
Fan……...tastic.
"LOOK WHO IT IS!!!”
Oh…..god…no….
“HEY EVERYBODY!!”
Oh….please….no….
COME SEE WHOS WORKIN AT DOMINOES!!”
Heres your pizzas. That’ll be $ 22.42
COME ON IN!! HEY EVERYBODY…COME HERE!!
No….I have to get back before I get in trouble (for passing out in your driveway).
She wouldn’t give me the money until she made sure I was TOTALLY humiliated…..Until she could drink in the agony and pain on my face. So around the room we went……everybody laughing and taking their shot at my manhood with maximum effect.

I didn’t quit over that…..

A few months later I told my boss I would like to have New Years Eve off. It was my girlfriends and my anniversary and she and I deserved an evening to celebrate. He said “No.” “But this is November….. Im giving you over a months notice.” “No”
I paused…….. “Im asking you to let me celebrate my anniversary.” ……”No”
He informed me that if I didn’t show he would fire me. I didn’t show. He called for about a week ..trying to tell me Id been fired. I never gave him the satisfaction. I did however take the girlfriend out. It was worth it. Not ALL good deeds go unpunished. LOL I remember a few years ago where some guy spent the LAST 20 bucks he had on roses for his wife. She pulled out a gun and shot him.
I sometimes have a hard time remembering whats important in this life. My pride in a dominos uniform or......being a man that deserves having a woman clinging on his arm with doey eyes. Truth is...this is icing. There are more important things in life for me to do than to moan about where the love train is stopping. It will come when its good n ready.

And then there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will hold
I heard somebody whisper "please adore me"
And when I looked, the moon had turned to gold

Bring it….….bring plan B. Yeah I’m hacked off I can’t get to your posts like I want…..or even see my own during the day. That Sucks. But I rather like thinking that there’s open road to be enjoyed rather than dwell on bad memories. A full moon beats a cloudy day for sure. Even if its blue.

High infidelity, Wool, and Revenge sex

2010-01-26T07:05:00.001-08:00

You know me dude……. I always say reality trumps all. Yeah dude…I know…..thats a kill joy. My bloggy girls are NOT going to like this. But l also say truth is best. Of course I say that…….. but am not always able to deliver.
I do like noticing differences between men and women. ….big smile….. nothing is better for communication than for me to listen or a mile in my partners shoes……I get JACKED when it comes……..when I say… “I get you”…….man that’s a good feeling. Now I can’t take credit here.

As soon as you are able
Woman I am willing
To make the break that we
Are on the brink of
My cup is on the table
Our love is spilling
Waiting here for you to
Take and drink of

High infidelity indeed…….
I was reading this weekend about what leads men to stray and why women have “revenge sex”. Men are apparently forgiving of other men for issues of infidelity. Women it seems aren’t forgiving of other women who step over the line. The article didn’t really paint a good picture of things. Women tend to protect a relationship if it starts to go sour and men…….look for opportunities. I think women look at consequences….men look at the consequences of getting caught. I’m putting that nicely. The article went on to tell guys what they could do to be MORE faithful. ….It had ……completely useless suggestions….like….dont do it……be closer to your spouse……think of what your giving up….dont do it…..dont be tempted…..and………don’t do it. Fab…u….lous. Chuh…..right. Advice?....FAIL. I'm a serial monogamist. My own fidelity I dont worry about. Catching my love is much more of a task.
Women I think idealize a relationship and men tend to be more reality based. Like I say reality trumps all. I don’t hear many men say things like “you should like what you do……….theres somebody for everyone…….everything happens for a reason”. In a man’s vocabulary, day to day, these concepts just don’t enter into why the cars busted or how were going to fix the sink.
The movie AVATAR works because it moves back and forth from reality to ...fantasy....you have to have BOTH to make the story work. Fantasy alone wont cut it. Yes..I am sooooper genius. I can see WHY women “hope” for things. But men don’t “hope”……..we are NOT on the same page here. It will be or it won’t be. Hope changes nothing. See…I KNEW you weren’t going to like this. But that’s how we think. We don’t think about how the world “should” be. Ok ..little play on words there…we don’t really think at all.
Now as cold as all this sounds it makes more sense to a man to think this way than to…….have a distorted body image. To watch a soap opera like it was real life. To think things are good even when its obvious……they suck. Speakin ma ugly piece here. Men may very well need to “grow up” but which of us is living in a fantasy?.....(ahm gonna get slapped for that)…..
Peace…. I don’t mean for that to condemn..…hopefully it will spawn some introspection. Think about it. The same “hope” you sprinkle to keep your spirits up….prevents you from seeing that he’s……… a cheater….a drug addict….a liar. .I know I don’t like it when the wool gets pulled over my eyes…..but I only compound the problem if I refuse to see the wool at all. Ya know?...seein its one thing…DOING something about it is another. Personally I like you in something that makes you feel beautiful when I put my fingers in your mouth and your hips tighten with just the right amount of constant pressure…and….. your breathing …you have …..to ….hold while it moves through you in waves…..…..wool just doesn’t work here.

So if you're tired of the
Same old story
Turn some pages
I'll be here when you are ready
To roll with the changes

Bring it………..bring some reality. Which do you think will serve you better? HOPING she’ll leave her current boyfriend or……The harsh reality that……she’s taken.
If you want to understand a man you have to think a bit like one. Sorry.
There have been times in my past that I just did not WANT to see the wool….and I suffered for that….. Nowadays….. I see a bit more clearly and it’s no longer a shame to let something go because my partner was too selfish, or too conceited to fix a mistake. Reality? Check……

The fairytale, a polliwog, and magnum PI

2010-01-19T09:37:00.001-08:00

I want to thank all you girls for spending time at ma blog. It makes me feel rather good when you leave a comment and I preciate it! …big smile……
When I was a private investigator I saw plenty of folks pretty much……in torment. Yeah dude…guys…girls…it didn’t make any difference. People’s lives were getting torn up. Searching for answers. Searching for someone. Making themselves into someone…… different. I remember that time for myself and I was frantic to uncover the truth. That’s why I got into the PI thing in the first place. To kinda help folks get through it cause I had been there maself.
An old girlfriend of mine said “I don’t understand why you can take two, intelligent, educated people, who are in love……….but you can’t make their marriage work.” I have to admit…...that befuddled me too. To her discredit….she’s on her third marriage right now……Im sure shes thinking third times a charm and ahm thinkin…....three strikes and your out. Yeah dude, I have a feeling this one will end up on her scrap heap too. Really I should go easy on her…… affairs of the heart sometimes sound like an episode of unsolved mysteries. And Im no Robert Stack. LOL More Like Leonard Nimoy on “In search of”……… who thinks he’s Magnum PI. instead of ……….Monk. Now I cant take credit here.

Where you going?
What you looking for?
You know those boys
Don't want to play no more with you
It's true

If you’re looking for a prince …then the swamp is no place to find anything but frogs. What’s a princess doing in the swamp anyway? I guess some turn out to be lucky frogs ifn ya get ma drift. LOL I guess if you follow that tale more closely …..Doesn’t the frog have to TURN into a prince? Oh dude. LOL fairytale…. FAIL. I think people normally think the moral is….. you have to go through a lot of losers to find Mr.right.. .I had someone tell me they thought it meant “don’t believe what guys say” I’m not so sure that’s the ONLY message. I don’t believe you can CHANGE someone else into what you want.. You probably don’t either. Yes….I am a sooooper genius.
I have to admit I hide a bit of myself when I start dating someone. If I told you I LOVED jazz……. Im not so sure the look on your face would be very approving. There I said it. I’m guilty. I’m not as forthcoming about myself upfront. This is NOT good. I preach about communication and…….I’m NOT taking my own advice. Yeah dude…gotta work on that.
I think most would take offense if your partner suggested you “change” something about yourself. Enter……..the divorce. Oh yeah dude…we got some changin agoin on now! But ya know? I hear a lot of people say the relationship has “changed” or the partner has “changed” and that its NOT what it used to be. I don’t hear many folks say that “they’re” the one that’s changed. It’s always the partner. I think that’s interesting. I’m pretty big on TRYING to look at my own shortcomings before I decide it’s the enemies fault. Never the less… what in this world stays the same?

Sister Christian
Oh the time has come
And you know that you're the only one
To say O.K.

Bring it……….bring some compatibility. You know? It takes a confident frog not to be jealous or controlling. I AM happy in my skin. If I do my part right…… Im bringing out the best in my lover….not changing them. I see a lot of frogs dead in the road. They probably deserve to have the $%!T squashed out of them. I’m still learning…....a polliwog in the rough. If I’m lucky….I just might turn into………a frog. I think that’s ok………I just………. Want another tadpole to love and spoil along the way.

A nice guy, The missed signal, and cupids arrow

2010-01-13T13:02:00.001-08:00

Booyaaa!!!! Yeah dude my buddy just got it!! Been fightin an uphill battle with a friend of mine who has been dancing at the whim of a fishing girl. She fishes …….she dangles ……and he……..pants and jumps up and down. She……..tells him no….and calls back a few weeks later…….and it starts all over again. “what can I do to get her back?” he asks at least 3 times a week.
“Dude……… she sent you several emails saying she wasn’t interested. What part of that do you NOT get?”
“But she said I was a nice guy!!!”
“AND….whats your point? You ARE a nice guy…..but you still DON’T get it”. Now I can’t take credit here.

Don't take your love away from me
Don't you leave my heart in misery
If you go then I'll be blue
'Cause breaking up his hard to do

I have another friend with the same problem. Shes…….backpeddling out of the relationship and her man……..doesn’t get it. Women seem to have a completely different philosophy when it comes to the “how to’s “ of breaking up. (don’t hit me here….I make blanket statements from time to time….generalizations don’t ALWAYS apply…….I hear ya!). I have another friend I am SOOOPER proud of. She ended the relationship by saying
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.” He wasn’t listening. “how about counseling?”
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.”
“What if we spent some time apart?”
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.”
He got it. No ambiguity there. Message?......... PASS!
This is a picture of the gym I work out at. It’s beyond Spartan. There’s another place in town…..but I don’t even consider it. I like where I am. Not even going to consider switching. Breakin ma workout up is NOT an option. I’m not listening to the enticements of a cleaner, nicer facility.
Men have selective hearing. I hear women say that a lot. Not going to argue. I think your’e right!!!. We hear what we want. I can’t say this is a good thing. I have to work on that myself. I admit it. My personal history is overfraught with………”how did I miss that?”
There is a dynamic here that I think women overlook when they’re trying to break up. They mean well but they…… give mixed signals. Conflicting even…..hey …we’re guys…….were easily confused.
In an effort to “make it painless” women backpeddle…….very slowly saying touchy feely things interlaced with the REAL message. Saying “

You’re a nice guy
you will find someone
I’m not ready
Im going out with the girls”

And then…… for added effect….you shut down…..hoping he’ll “get the hint”.
He wont. Know why? You never said……… “its over”. Instead you have a ten minute discussion about how things aren’t working. In your mind you’re saying.

No
No
No
Youre a nice guy
No
No
No.

Guess what he hears..…..go ahead …….guess. Ready?

“Im a nice guy”. WOW I have a chance!!
Yeah we have selective hearing. But if the message is buried……hidden under sweet words designed to let him down easy and full of low level compliments…….why WOULD he get it? Breakup..…..FAIL.

They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it's true
Don't say that this is the end
Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again

Bring it…………..bring the gods of communication. Hehehe Say what you mean….mean what you say. Im sure THAT makes sense. I just am NOT good at reading tween the lines. I thought that was just……...space. When you’re in love you really want to be understood. Don’t you? I mean……you want to KNOW he cares and loves you too……with zero distortion …..No? You don’t want him to guess whether you love him…..do you? Would you want to have to guess at whether he loves you or not? I want that message…….crystal. When I look in your eyes I want to feel your heart. The message…..I love you doesn’t come with kindas or maybes. What good is that? Cupids arrow hits me in the heart. If you’re trying to break up with me…a shot in the leg wont do it…...you better aim for my heart again.

Tunnel light, the journal, and the death of a dream

2010-01-07T12:05:00.000-08:00

Got a couple of married friends……..for now. They’re …….trying to find a way out. Yeah dude. Death of a dream. The honeymoon is over. Both girls have suffered about 20 years of unhappy marriages. That conditions folks….ya know? My 10 year ………festival of pain was………different than these girls. One girl is wearing the pants in the family. The other girl is smothered. Ya know the type? Take a second. I want those to sink in.
When you ask someone what went wrong……you get a host of different answers. “He cheated. He was hooked on pain killers. He drank all the time. He cheated. He was addicted to porn. He was too controlling. He cheated.”
I should have known my ex and I weren’t compatible …....during our first date. Ready?.......my first missed signal was……she cheated on her boyfriend to go out with me. Yeah……I was NOT paying attention. It was TOTALLY my fault. Not hers. Hehehe. Ready again? She…..fell asleep that first date…….during ……Silence of the lambs. Yeah dude….seriously. I .……either laugh then cry or cry then laugh about it. I sure can pick em!!!! Common sense? FAIL.
I have to insert a bit of trivia here or it will be forgotten forever...... I actually called off our first date......but she never got the message I sent in time and so she showed up. Either way its all good. Gotta bit of seasoning now. So Im OK dude. With all this in mind I run into very few folks that say “boy I sure wish we’d have worked that out”. Now I can’t take credit here.

Somethin' happened along the way
What used to be happy was sad
Somethin' happened along the way
And yesterday was all we had

I have to say I like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. For me the process of recovering from marriage was easier than my two friends who have a LONG road ahead. That dark tunnel is much longer for one of the two. When you try to point them in the direction of the exit where there’s light …..you get all this….. resistance. Its understandable. You live under the lash of a whip for too long and………. All sorts of things make the way out impossible to get to. A road map in the dark is NO help......and there is .......only the deep pain that comes from being trapped. A locked cage doesn’t offer much in the way of exit signs for someone who’s been beaten down for 20 years. What you find is someone who CANT make decisions…WONT make decisions….or doesn’t EVEN know they can make a decision. So….round and round it goes.
I like lending an ear. I get a lot out of listening more so than talking. When I was getting divorced it was hard to find a sounding board that didn’t come with hollow advice. So I took to making a diary of my thoughts. A kind of journal….. that allowed me to get things off my chest and clear my head. Pen and paper therapy really helped me free up my heart and soul. Its easy to have unresolved issues when theres a break up….. Yes I AM a soooper genius! So I try to tell folks to write down whats going on………I think it helps to detangle a process that for many is chaotic and directionless.
I have to put this in here. Now that the marriage has been over for several years…. Im still having some bad luck! Please don’t take offense if you have any sort of disability…ok? My neighbor is about 35. He’s on welfare… no job……130 lbs…..and has one arm……He also has a 19 year old girlfriend. I MUST be doin sumpin wrong. Oh well….good on him…. Ill just have to stay in the self service isle for now.

And oh, after the love has gone
How could you lead me on
And not let me stay around
Oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone
What used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found?

Bring it……….bring some light…..If your having a hard time seeing you can borrow mine. I like sharing light. It makes me smile. I know you’d do the same for me. There’s light at the end of the tunnel. ……. See ya outside.

2010, a balloon, and the treadmill of love.

2010-01-04T11:39:00.000-08:00

Ok dude, I deserve it. I’m……..gettin some laughs at the gym. Granted…….gym rats are NOT the brightest bunch but you try something unorthodox and ……..down comes the hammer. Your’e a target for months for thinking outside the box. Lemme say I DONT like thinking inside the box. That gets you.......divorced. People LOVE to bring you down if they can. Being a running back, EVERYONE on the defense wants to kill you anyway.
I was trying to think of some interesting ways to work my lower body. Since I DON’T have a girlfriend, I’ve been trying to work my lower body in ways that football players just ……….laugh at. Like………. Kicking a balloon around the gym with ankle weights. OK………so……..yeah I know it looks…….funny.
It won’t look so funny when football season hits.
It is the New Year and no…I don’t have any resolutions. Surprise surprise. Just a schedule Im going to keep in my training. The trick is ……..to keep varying the workout. Change it up. Try something different.
I hate running. HATE IT!!!! I don’t mind sprint drills (never said I was smart), but I cant stand the monotony of jogging on a treadmill….. for even just 20 minutes. Pa……..thetic. Now I can’t take credit here.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man

I heard a comedian the other day laughing about why relationships lose their romance. He said “all the tricks I use to get a woman in bed the first time I don’t need after a year…… cause she’s going to bed with me anyway.” Ok…..…so it was funny…….tragically accurate….…but funny.
I got to thinking about it and he does have a point. If you want your relationship to fail you might as well do what your friends are doing. Small sarcastic tone there……. But really there is something to that. Ever had a relationship that you thought was going along fine and all of the sudden you find out …....its over…... You thought things were going good and steady? Well.....maybe they were. Maybe that was the problem. I think it has something to do with repetition…… routine…….. Yes I AM a soooper genius.
Without a doubt everyone will agree that you have to mix things up to keep the relationship healthy. A show of hands isn’t necessary…I mean it’s a given that we all think so…right? So……...why doesn’t that happen? If the relationship is SO important you would think that BY NOW …..some of us would take heed. Myself included.
Lemme say I like learning something new…… I think its cool. Im just built that way. If stagnation is sure death for love then Im for mixing it up. Wow Trey…..thats brilliant. Well…..I think words and intentions don’t cut it. Just cause you “think” about mixing it up doesn’t mean it happens. Say what you mean, mean what you say. I DO try to mix it up. Romance is a learning process for guys. Some learn……..others….well……..don’t. If your man can’t figure out that you NEED romance outside the bedroom….. you might be hangin around for a handout that never comes. ON THE OTHER HAND. A woman who does the same thing over and over in the bedroom will eventually find her man is only in it …..for two minutes…..and he wont stay there long. Eventually he will find another bed. Relationship FAIL. Don’t blame him for doing the same thing over and over….. if YOUR doing the same thing over and over. I hear women jump all over guys……. that they can’t stay faithful. If the room is dull I either change it…..or change rooms. There is SOME reasoning behind that I think.
But this is a two way street. I can’t point fingers unless I have a mirror in the other hand. Throwin rocks in a glass house is NOT the best idea. So if I’m preachin, I better be listenin too.

Time may change me
But I can't trace time

Bring it…..….bring something new. Yeah it’s a new year. So its time for a change. You never hear a man say he wants to be romanced. Only women read romance novels….but that too is a problem. Men don’t read that stuff. And I think women set themselves up for disappointment when they think that a man is supposed to BRING them romance and a woman’s responsibility is just to receive it. POOF!!.......ready made…..but really….what ROMANTIC things do YOU actually do? What? Clean the house? Wash his undies? Vacuum? I really appreciate it when those things happen…..I say so…..and I pitch in too….but Im not so sure men equate sweeping with love. Ask your man which hed rather have. I doubt he would choose sweeping. Just like men wrongfully equate bringing home a paycheck as love. It’s not. One thing is for sure. You do it …like you did before and you just might NOT get it …….again…… Here’s to 2010 !!

Romance, the stars, and the Zagnut effect

2009-12-28T13:37:00.001-08:00

People give me flak for spending a lot of time at the gym. “Youre overtraining” “you need recovery time” “why are you here all the time?” hehehe …yeah dude. I admit it…… I work out pretty hard. One thing is for sure. I like results. One thing I do NOT like is NOT getting out what you put into something. That’s life I guess. Some things don’t always produce the results you want, even when you put in the effort. Ya know? School, work, kids, marriage…...I can see how romance gets trampled under the modern foot….Yeah dude…. All things being equal I can see how romance has the deck stacked against it…… So I like going to the gym because I know I will get out of it what goes in. I think its interesting that other people don’t see it this way. They see it as “overtraining”. I kinda see it as dedication and commitment. Now I can’t take credit here.

My love must be a kind of blind love
I can't see anyone but you.

I like that formula. Effort = Results. You can’t say that about everything. I have this ………program….. that works really well in the gym. I’m not OCD about it…but it definitely works…. So I stick with it.
There’s this one guy that comes to the gym all the time and he…..just doesn’t get it. He pushes…he pulls…he lifts….but he’s the same size he was 2 years ago pushing the SAME amount of weight he did 2 years ago. I really want to take him aside and explain what’s wrong with his program….because it pains me to see him put in the effort and get NO results.
The same thing happens when I diet. People always say “you cant do that!!” Really?.......watch me……3 weeks later I lose the weight and people still have the bad sense to say “You cant diet that way”…… Really? …I just did….. and the weights GONE…..what’s wrong with this picture???
I’ve always said… if you want to be smart….do what smart people do….if you want to be rich …do what rich people do…… if you want to be thin…… do what thin people do.
If you want to be in love…do what people in love do…..yeah dude Im a soooper genius. If your taking relationship advice from your girlfriends …who are on their third marriage….consider the source……please.
I want to clue you girls in on why guys aren’t that romantic. Ready????
No one showed them how. Echo..…echo…...echo.
The total amount of relationship advice a boy is given by his father is “turn the wrench to the right to make it tighten and left to loosen…got it? Rightey tighty lefty loosey….can you remember that son?
At no point in time during the football game does dad turn down the sound and say “son make sure you don’t yell at your wife”. Dad apparently yells at the redsocks… and when the mower blows up……so…...were told its ok to yell.
Girls are playing adult when they’re six years old. No wonder your’e ahead of us! Lemme say point blank now that this is where there is always some girl who comments “I didn’t do that”…….Bull…all you girls have played school, teacher, cooking or dolls at some point in time. You may be a tom boy, climb trees an all but you DID play grownup at ONE point in your childhood. I cant STAND it when someone says “not everyone did that” yes I understand your point… 0.2 % of the population REALLY hammers your point home. There goes my theory ….yep……right down the drain. Don’t know WHAT I was thinking ….girls and dolls….boy was I wrong. Chuh……..right. I call this the zagnut effect. At NO point in time has anyone EVER said “yeah…….while your in there …….get a me a zagnut” As soon as I proclaim this….50 people stand up and go “Oh man …..I LOVE zagnuts and I say that three times a week!” Bull $(%)^.
Where was I?.......Oh yeah…. Guys just don’t have much in the way of real world role models for romance. So we don’t really have much to go on. What’s worse I hear women say “he should know what I want” Wow…now THATS a recipe for communication success. Men are supposed to read your mind and know what you want. Women are better communicators? Im not so sure. Romance FAIL. I’m not too hip on the idea that my love life is tied to my ability to mind read. If so ..…I’m in trouble..…and so are you.

Are the stars out tonight?
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright
I Only Have Eyes For You, Dear.

Bring it………..bring something in your eyes. You can read all the romance novels, watch all the soap operas and new moons you want… but if you don’t help us with what turns you on …….we’re just going to continue getting poor marks in the romance department. I’m lucky. I get it. I like being a rock… and I like the feeling of making my woman feel safe and secure. Taking out the trash without being asked….. and not spending the extra cash on some more video games. Hehehe. But I had to figure that out on my own. I’m not complaining. It’s a great place to be. But think about it. Where is your man going to get a lesson in what romance is??…..…unless its from you.

The tango, a snow man, and a bag of bones

2009-12-21T09:53:00.001-08:00

Oh man did we GET some snow. Its making things difficult. Beautiful….but difficult. Yeah dude…. I have NOT done my Christmas shoppin yet…… The car is snowed in and may not come out till Tuesday…..not good…. Christmas is coming SOON! I walked 3 miles to the gym and back on Saturday and spent 5 hours….walked again to the gym on Sunday…..New ankle weights and the snow turned the trek in to an exercise…….Oh well….when it snows…..make a snowman I guess.
I have several folks on my mind lately …..all having a rough personal time with their lovers. All for various reasons but… its hardship that’s proving tough…...testing…….questioning……..doubting……..is it over? How do I handle this? What now?
The good times are easy.
Suffice it to say some handle the pressure better than others…. But handling the pressure doesn’t fix the issue does it? I like being able to hit curveballs but if I don’t run the bases what good is it? Now I can’t take credit here.

Under pressure
Under pressure

Dude I am not the best at pickin up the pieces but two things come to mind. 1) What am I doing to help fix the problem that’s within my power (if I can save this thing) 2) What am I going to do now because ……its over. Yes….I AM a sooooper genius…. Aren’t I? LOL. But tell me ...if this is such common sense then why is it that people drag on.....revisiting the same questions with no resolution...over and over.?
I have to laugh because for our anniversary I bought my wife dance lessons thinking it was romantic and fun. Im half Italian so I was ready to pour the hot blood with a rose in my teeth. ..learning the Charleston, big band music…the two of us arm in arm having a good time…..learning the tango……well…it takes two…the money was wasted…….we never used the lessons….. Just like the bicycle built for two… I bought one for another anniversary thinking it would be romantic…. Her response? “why didn’t you just buy two bikes?” LOL……Romance? PASS…….Partner? FAIL.
When I went to take my SAT’s on a Saturday morning I was….. unprepared. Yeah dude…NO tools in the tool box. So I wasn’t looking forward to the experience and getting out of the car I………slammed my thumb in the door.
“YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!” …..A………MM……MM…..A……$%&@! I could barely speak…my thumbnail black and blue, swelling by the second with pressure from the blood. I had to hold it over my head to keep from passing out and I stumbled in to the testing area, dazed. One arm permanently frozen ……above my head.
Question was…...just like my marriage…..what was I going to do now??....... Grit my teeth and go on. No choice.
It wasn’t pleasant…it wasn’t fun….but when I resigned myself to the fact that there was no alternative… I got peace……I got comfort. The results weren’t pretty but I KNEW I would survive…..NO question.
I’ve had relationships that were very important to me go bad. Question was…what was I going to do with the bones? What was I going to do to make sure I didn’t feel bad THIS weekend? next month? Next YEAR?? I don’t want to be reliving this ONE MORE TIME. What good would come from carrying a bag of bones around for a year?
Its OK to grieve….that’s normal….the end of love stinks for sure. Get it out. Let it go. When we were in marriage counseling….my ex-wife wanted some pills to help her through it…the therapist’s response? "No…..you need to feel what’s happening”. LOL She was very good at avoiding A LOT of things (she had another Dr. prescribe stuff anyway). I’ts ok …it was ALL beyond my control.

Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love

Bring it…..…bring your best. I hear a lot of folks talk about the other person when they’re breaking up. It’s NOT about the other person. Its about YOU. If it’s beyond your control….let it go. Trust me… you look a lot sexier without a bag of bones on your back. I can think of other things that would look good there! Hehe.
I can meet you. But I can’t walk through the snow AND bury your bones. I could. But I wont. And waiting till the snow melts? …..If you do...well…then ....my beauty its just………..water.

Parade rain, sour grapes, and PD's of A

2009-12-17T10:23:00.000-08:00

Cool dude. I like to see people happy. What a good feeling. Ya know?? Gonna speak ma piece here. Its probably gonna hit some folks the wrong way. So….be prepared!! And I have to admit I don’t like being the voice of dissent because I really have a problem with letting people around me down, or alienating them because my thoughts are a bit different. Yeah dude that just gets me down. If youre sellin sour grapes.....I'm not buyin. I tend to try and see those things that we have in common because for me there is comfort in that. REAL connection is almost a drug…… ya know? Nothing feels as good as when I GET YOU…… Connection to someone else is very satisfying. That’s why communication breakdown and failure is interesting to me………Now I can’t take credit here.

There have been times in my life
I've been wondering why
Still somehow I believed
We'd always survive
Now I'm not so sure

Public displays of affection. Im ……for it. Sorry. Go ahead. Say it…..…..Say it……. .EEEYOO……. YUCK……..GET A ROOM……DO THEY HAVE TO DO THAT? …..IM GONNA BE SICK……
Yeah, Yeah….I get your point. …. I think….. You have sour grapes and would rather rain on someone’s parade cuz YOUR love life sucks………..haha …wait ….what?...... That wasn’t your point? I missed it?
Ok then what WAS your point? …..that….they ….just….um…shouldn’t…….um……do that….in public…yeah…...YEAH, That’s my point!!! Because……..because….I shouldn’t have to see it!
Lemme hang it out there. If you have a problem with that then………I agree….you have a problem. They don’t. Do you think for half a second that two people deep in love give a flip about what you don’t care to see? Case closed.
Excuse me for having feelings. I mean...my love life might suck too..so I understand ...but you dont see me raining on someones elses parade.
I talked to a guy the other day and asked him how his marriage was going……to my discredit I half expected the typical answer. Instead I got “ Good……..its good…..I mean ..we have our differences …but the good times far outweigh the bad”. SCORE dude. A drink of the good stuff. I was glad for them, ya know??? Love??...PASS...sour grapes?...FAIL
I spend A LOT of time in the gym. Its trash talk and testosterone on the football field. Head butting, shut the F(&^ up and HIT somebody……hurt them if you can mentality. I’m a running back so I’m THE target. So I welcome a taste of the good stuff.

Are you gonna wait for your sign, your
miracle
Stand up and fight
This is it
Make no mistake where you are
This is it
You said that maybe it's over
Not if you don't want it to be
For once in your life, here's your miracle
Stand up and fight
This is it

Bring it…………bring that connection that only love brings. I understand if you have sour grapes over hearing about other peoples bliss…its hard when the love train isn’t stopping in your town... but to me sour grapes is really just wine in disguise. Your time will come. Nothing makes me happier than to have someones head on my chest …all curled up where the two of us fit together from head to foot. Real intimacy doesn’t come along very often…. Yeah I’m a sooooper genius…But every day you pass that up……when it shows up.….. Cuz your stubborn, protective, scared even…….makes me want to frown. I know it can be hard to be flexible but …. just don’t hand me sour grapes. Instead I’d rather you be ready…..
Cause its hard to beat love in the shower while you drink southern comfort from my hand. Whats wrong with red, white, or a merlot?....nothing…. ill be happy to take a shot of Jack if you promise not to bring sour grapes…….another round for the house ifya please!

Barb wire, the ghost, and a crash and burn

2009-12-14T11:33:00.000-08:00

Yeah dude. Some things just do NOT go as planned. Think about it. Education, raising kids, career, health, marriage (LOL)……..the nearly second marriage (hehe) Ida done it again. What you expect isn’t what you get. Yeah I’m a sooooper genius. …. Were the same. You and me. I’ve put my best foot forward….…and fallen flat on ma face. Well……. no ones perfect. Every once in a while something does come along. And it FEELS…………. perfect. Thats why 8th grade love has a real hold over me. Just ONCE it would be nice to not crash AND burn. Cuz nuthin else seems to go as planned. Even this post……. I couldn’t seem to pick and choose what parts of this song to leave out…… ..because its exactly the way I feel. Its perfect just as it is. Now I can’t take credit here.

There's a letter on the desktop
that i dug out of a drawer
the last truce we ever came to
in our adolescent war
and i start to feel the fever
from the warm air through the screen
you come regular like seasons
shadowing my dreams
and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in minnesota
at a place that you could walk across
with five steps down
and I guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me
and i start to drown
and there's not enough room
in this world for my pain
signals cross and love gets lost
and time passed makes it plain
of all my demon spirits
i need you the most
i'm in love with your ghost
i'm in love with your ghost

It was 10th grade and I had just gotten my license. Oh yeah dude…time to IMPRESS all the lovely L A D I E S…………My first date with Brenda was…….my last date with Brenda…. y…….eah….. It didnt go as planned. Not….AT all dude. I kinda ……..talked my way into it.. She wasn’t real interested. But I don’t back away from a challenge easily. I’m dancing, Im singin, I’m telling jokes, I’m ……….making a fool out of myself. It’s like a bad vaudeville carnival act on espresso……and a five hour energy just to make sure I maximize being retarded. I just could NOT act normal around her.
Where was I?
Oh yeah…… so…. she agrees to a date and I plan on continuing my barrage of bad timing and juvenile jokes to the sound of crickets crying…….
But this time I have…..the FIAT. Oh yeah dude… what girl can resist the top down red Italian convertible? I spent about 3 hours polishing and vacuuming every square inch.
I cant lose……..or so I thought.
I tortured her for about 3 hours. Exhausted, I had tried every stupid trick in the book and in the end I was racing to get her back home …….just to end it. I HAVE GOT to get this OVER with!!! Mayday! Mayday! I’m going DOWN!! CAN YOU SEE THESE FLAMES? GOD ITS HOT IN HERE!!!! IS ANYBODY WATCHING THIS? OH….GOD….…. MAYBE I CAN CHANGE MY NAME…… MOVE OUT OF STATE….IS THIS HOW PRISONERS OF WAR FEEL?? …..OH PLEASE MY SWEET LORD…IM BEGGING YOU…...HELP ME!!!!!……JESUS WAS ONLY ON THE CROSS FOR THREE DAYS….THIS IS GOING TO LAST …FOR…….EVER!!!!
So I get her home and the awkwardness is almost over. I keep the car running and put it in reverse while she gets out. She waves goodbye and I gun it…………miss the driveway COMPLETELY…… going backwards….. over the hill……. out of site…… and crash into a barbwire fence.
Per…..…..fect.
I turn the stereo off….
And sit there…..
“ARE YOU OK????”
“yeah…...I’m…..….. fine……I……….how bout you?”
She comes running down the hill.
“are you sure?”
“I’m…..…fine……thank you.”
“I don’t think you’re going to be able to get out of here without driving along the fence.”
“I’m…..yeah”. I was looking straight ahead……. a blank stare……the car…pinned up against the fence. She was talking….
“ifna s upa foo tay kooble pooma fee..........pooma fee??”…but I just wasn’t listening. I started the car up…….put it into gear and……
The sound of raking finger nails down a chalkboard was deafening….. the barb wire SCREAMED……taking all the paint off the side of the car as I went…… finally……I made it up to the road………and I……. just kept going.
Yeah dude …..date……FAIL.
That did not go as planned. Crash AND burn.

dark and dangerous like a secret
that gets whispered in a hush
(don't tell a soul)
when i wake the things i dreamt about you
last night make me blush
(don't tell a soul)
and you kiss me like a lover
then you sting me like a viper
i go follow to the river
play your memory like a piper
and i feel it like a sickness
how this love is killing me
i'd walk into the fingers
of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity
i've never been this close
i'm in love with your ghost
unknowing captor
you never know how much you
pierce my spirit
but i can't touch you
can you hear it
a cry to be free
oh i'm forever under lock and key
as you pass through me
now i see your face before me
i would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island
as the sand beneath me slips
as i burn up in your presence
and i know now how it feels
to be weakened like achilles
with you always at my heels
this bitter pill i swallow
is the silence that i keep
it poisons me i can't swim free
the river is too deep
though i'm baptized by your touch
i am no worse than most
in love with your ghost

Bring it………….bring love that’s effortless. Yeah I was jumping through a lot of hoops. For what? Some things just don’t go as planned. I’ve tasted love that’s effortless and I admit…….. I miss it. Crashing and burning just is NOT fun. But I learned a lot from it. Be myself first. Leave the sophomore tricks to the sophomores. Been there…..done that. But I do my best to learn from a mistake. And this was valuable dude. Really. It cost me a lot to get the car fixed but it was worth it in the long run. My next car was a piece of crap sunbird, and I learned a lesson there too. Everybody crashes and burns….but I’d rather drive than be a passenger…....you comin or what?

Homecoming, the whip, and the milestone

2009-12-08T12:19:00.000-08:00

Yea dude! I reached a milestone! A revelation! A rite of passage! I broke 100 posts! Of course I missed the actual 100th one… (LOL that’s typical)…this is like 102 or something……The bad news?? I might start doing some reposting….LOL. you know how much I like revisiting my past!!! And I’m probably going to be posting less often…. Im sorry because truly its nice to have all of you along with me…and I love reading all your blogs!!!!!!…I just need a little time to refocus……..wonder if we will get to 200 posts???……LOL something to look forward to!! So for now I’m dancing a little jig!
When I was senior Sonya invited me to go to her homecoming dance…..”really?......are you sure?” I got this “are you talking to me look”….. my head …..sideways….. like a puppy.…..”yeah…that would be great!!” I’m thinkin…..What in the world is a rich, good looking girl from Northside doing asking me to her homecoming dance?? …. Fever??.....Did she lose a bet??...... wait a minute….. this a joke ….right? I mean someone dared you to bring a hick to the dance…..or something….
Now…….lemme say that ….I LOVE music……and when I say LOVE….I MEAN IT!!!! My dear followers…Ifn ya only knew how much money I have spent on guitars, basses, drums and keyboards over the years you would certainly die from sticker shock….. AND……even though m a guy….…I love to dance……..Now I cant take credit here.

When a problem comes along
You must whip it
When something's goin' wrong
You must whip it

Now…...none of this would normally be a problem…….except we end up IN the dance contest……..Now…Im going to date myself here…….Back in the day we had…….FUNK. Earth Wind and Fire, Rick James, LTD, I mean….. whos gonna NOT like Parliament-Funkadelics????
Where was I?
Oh yeah……. So….we get into the FINALS and ……….Nobody of course knows who I am cause this is NOT my school!!!!! So…… its turning out to be a GREAT date….Sonyas all jazzed cause shes with Mr mysterio……… and we’re down to the last two couples….. and me???? Im NOT worried….. this is going to be a night to remember BOY!!!!!
And then……………….
The DJ starts to play……………..whip it……….
by DEVO……..
ogodogodogodogod………
I look over at the DJ and all the blood runs out of my head……
What in THE #$%# … is…. this …..#$^&@ ing ….. Sh&*???????? You CANT dance to this??????? can you? Can you dance to this??? OMANOMANOMAN..…. Im just……...standing there. Sonyas…… STARING at me……
True story……..Sonya SCREAMS…….. “DO SOMETHING!!!!”
SO………
I start flinging myself around ….flailing my arms like an idiot……. I look like a chicken….. that’s being electrocuted……...seriously. Im clearly…… in pain… because I HATE punk…HATE IT……..Im flinging myself around the room like a schizophrenic epileptic……. Im having a seizure…..…Im fightin myself….Im seizing ….Im fightin myself…Im seizing AND fighting myself at the same time. I look like Im possessed……..by three different, clearly disturbed and uncoordinated people who failed anger management class…….
Finally.
The music stops………….. I think.
Im covered in sweat.
About to pass out from panting.

We lost……..
I don’t remember what happened after that. I think she rushed me out of the gym lest they stone us just on general principles alone. Yeah dude……..Good time….FAIL.

I say whip it
Whip it good

Bring it……….bring a sense of humor. Even if you’re the butt of the joke. I promise not to make fun of ya……Im not too cool with that. But I do love a good laugh with someone I care for. Now....I STILL cant stand that song......so I might not bring out a whip but it would be nice to hold my love down and make her forget about a hard day with just the right amount of slow increasing pressure, in the right place and...........then............hold.
The adult world has enough seriousness anyway. Bills, work, raising kids, a bad economy, scarce jobs and gas prices are enough to ruin your day so you better bring sumpin home that will bring a smile or a laugh. Now Im not saying I want you to put on some DEVO or start doing standup….…but it might be nice to be pelted with circus peanuts for a change………hehehehe!

A suitcase, new snow, and the history lesson

2009-12-07T09:35:00.000-08:00

Yeah dude the first snow makes it all new again…….cool……We got our beautiful white blanket this weekend. Cleansing. Clear. Fresh. Cold. Prisitne. Untainted. ……..You can almost HEAR it falling.. Yeah dude. Wonderous………..Dreams of Norman Rockwell indeed. Im with ya……Its nice to have that kind of feeling. That you can start something over. It only seems fair. Ya know?? Like a “do over” in kickball….Its nice to be able to begin again.
Truth be told… I ……..I…. can dish it out but sometimes I .........have to work HARD at taking it. Im not an advocate of armchair warfare its just…. I sometimes can’t seem to practice what I preach. So trust me ……this lesson is for me dude.
Now I can’t take credit here.

Then you love a little wild one
And she brings you only sorrow
All the time you know she's smilin'
You'll be on your knees tomorrow, yeah

Dumper dumpee….cheater cheatee……hehehe….. however it ends you would think there would be something valuable to learn about a breakup. When youre the dumper its always about what was wrong with the other person…….. but think about it….when youre the dumpee…its still about how the other person was at fault… something just doesn’t add up about that. I mean .......It cant always be the OTHER person....…I guess I would be kinda hacked off too if after every break up …...it was the other persons fault. That would make me….jaded…….cautious……protective…….hesitant to let anyone in. Does that sound familiar?? Oh yeah…..I’m carryin baggage today. I’m guilty. I have to make sure my past doesn’t ruin my future. It doesn’t make sense for me to look for love only to stare at it from a distance when it comes a knockin.
Now Im not suggestin you don’t pack your bags or bring your luggage… I mean you can’t very well do without your past. But there is much to learn that I overlook. Do I pick abusers? Do I attract selfish people? Why cant I spot a liar? What is it about ME that might need a fixin? Am I complete by myself? Why am I a sucker for brunettes?? hehehehe ……
Every break up is a chance to start clean. I need to take advantage of that……..new snow is a chance to take the coat out of the baggage and enjoy the view…….Besides I don’t like the idea of stuffing my suitcase full with bitterness or jealousy. Why would I want to carry that around with me? Who would want someone who carries that around? If I need my suitcase I better be bringing something for good you. I like that idea much better. So I best be learnin from my mistakes.How does that quote go? “Those who ignore the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it.” Yeah dude…..History class….FAIL

You go back Jack do it again
Wheel turnin' 'round and 'round
You go back Jack do it again

Bring it………..bring some more snow. It’s a chance to start over. Yeah I can carry my own bags but…….but then what would I hold you with? ….pack light for me will ya? They’re callin for more snow……

Love, 1845, and sending in the clowns

2009-12-03T07:51:00.001-08:00

Dude…… you know how Im big on motivations? You are going to like this post…...really! I am going to demystify something very important…….Ready? Why is the divorce rate so high? I’ll tell you RIGHT NOW.
Its because people in modern western society marry for love……. ??????......... what was that again??.....L O V E. When the love is gone there is nothing else to hold it together. Now I cant take credit here.

Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.

I want you to follow me closely on this. Pretend its 1845. Why does a girl in 1845 in Iowa get married? I’ll tell you why. Shes 14. and the man she marries is the boy who lived close enough to borrow his dads horse and was within RIDING distance of your house and could take Sunday afternoon off to meet you AND your parents on the front porch of the house. Read that again.
How many guys do you think come by? Be serious….. 3? ….. Maybe? What if they were all ugly? Theres a darn good chance….. have you seen pics from that time? No hot showers…….no regular baths……..razors….makeup and hair supplies….. Oh yeah appearances were NOT stunning. In fact theyre downright frightful. So now your parents get to choose which guy your going off with...not you...and its…between the two that showed up…. ….. you may not have EVEN kissed the guy yet!!!!! Hows that for match making???? You did NOT pick and choose as you wished.…..Read that again.
So now your married. Living on a parcel of his folks land. The kids come quick. 2, 3, 4, 5. How many people do you see a day? ……. Ready? No one other than your husband……No internet, no PHONE …..no CAR!!!! …. NO CAR!! The nearest neighbor is at least 10 miles away. There is WORK to be done around the house…..the daughters are with you and the boys with their dad in the field. There is NO walmart!!! You don’t go to the store except on Sunday. In fact you don’t even leave the house all week!! And no one stops by!!! Do you realize how long and far it is to ride 10 miles ON A HORSE.???? THERE ARENT EVEN PAVED ROADS!!!!! YOU SEE NO ONE!!! NO……ONE!!! Read that again.
NOW….is all that sinking in?????? Visualize this world…….Hey just divorce the guy if you don’t like him anymore!! Come on……. just give him back the ring and …….and……what? Get a job? Wrong……there were no jobs for women…. Period. NONE!!!! Heck you cant even read or write..... Take the kids and get an attorney!!! R……ight……Get an apartment!!........where? They have apartments in rural Iowa?……r……ight….you didn’t EVEN own anything other than the clothes on your back that YOU made. No TV, No texting, No computer. Is this picture getting clearer?????? Love had NOTHING to do with getting married. Read that again.
It made NO difference whether you loved your husband or not. You were NOT getting divorced. Period. He worked the land and brought in dinner. You prepared it and mended the clothes….ya old, stinky, no toothbrushin hairy leg thing you…….You wouldn’t even live to be 40 years old!!!!!! It didn’t matter whether he beat you, you didn’t like him, or he stayed drunk all the time. Hows that for fun?????? You think you got troubles NOW????

Just when I'd stopped
Opening doors,
Finally knowing
The one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again
With my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.

Bring it………..bring some magic for the show……… People get divorced now because when the LOVE wears off there is nothing left to hold it together. That’s why a happy relationship is built on MORE than love. More than his choice of car. More than his height. It survives because its kind and thoughtful. It survives because its based on respect and care. …….If this is a circus, then I want someone I love next to me…so give me your hand …….send in the clowns.

Bed making, a gander, and Waskeys Mill

2009-12-02T06:40:00.000-08:00

Goose? Gander? Does it matter? It does in my world dude!! ……you make your bed…so…..dont poop in your own backyard……if ya know what I mean. ....Wait.......Im getting confusing again.
I’m gonna wrap this subject up (finally!! Trey) … I just do NOT like double standards..….and of course nobody seems to like a cheater but I can think of one instance where it might …..might mind you ….be ok. I’m not sayin its right but…….If you start a fight …...expect some bruises. That’s my motto…..Yeah this is the kind of preaching NO ONE likes…….In fact I have to swallow my own medicine……..so don’t take any of this personal…… I’m there with ya.
I used to be hardnosed and thought that cheating in any form was bad…… and there certainly is a right and wrong way to end a relationship but……if your partner is running around I………wont crucify you for leveling the playing field. If someone plans on cooking your goose then get the gander knife ready.
My thinking has changed on this subject over the years. If your partner is cheating you don’t have a relationship to save through martyrdom. In a perfect world the cheatee would just get out the relationship with honor intact and then date. Its NOT a perfect world. Whatcha think? Now I can’t take credit here.

Wondering if I've done it wrong
Will this depression last for long

The snow is coming down heavy and Jody, Mark, Buck and I are to hold up at Marks house….Miraculously, everyone’s parents are out of town. But first …....provisions. Waskeys Mill is THE place. Now…….I’m only sixteen…….as a starving wrestler I…….do NOT look old enough to buy beer. I can barely see over the counter. But always the risk taker and danger be damned so…….
Waskeys Mill was this little country store no bigger than my bedroom. Waaayyy out of town. I didn’t have a fake ID so if this backfired…… plan B was to run into the woods. So I pull in and the place is empty….the floors are wooden and creak when you walk. BOTH isles are packed to the ceiling with everything from radiator belts to loaves of bread. I control my breathing and walk to the back… omanomanomanoman….. I pick out a twelve pack of miller and struggle to get it to the counter. With both hands and some body english I heave it up and slide it back to the old man behind the register. …..OGODOGODOGOD…… I slide a ten dollar bill across… looking like Max, the dog in the Grinch that stole Christmas…..blink…. blink…... and wait for him to pull out a shotgun. Instead he gives me back some change and I …….exhale…. pull the ton of beer down and stroll out ….trying to carry it like a man ……..without bending over to one side. I reach the car and …..its ALL good. I am the KING TONIGHT BOY! “Who bought the beer?” “LOGAN???” “yeah man…no sweat.”
We drink. We crank the Aerosmith. We drink. We fix spaghetti. We drink. We throw up spaghetti, we…….pass out. The house is a wreck. Indoor snowball fights. Puke everywhere. Somebody knocked Jody OUT. O U T. Out. Needless to say we all got in trouble.. You make your bed…you lie in it.
Where IN the world are you going with this?
Well……is it still cheating if the marriage is in tatters and you already know your partner is cheating? I know I’ve been in that box and…….Im glad Im divorced. If anything I plan to get a call from her current husband one day and hear ”man is she a cheatin bitch or what?” hehehehe. Seriously. Do you blame someone for looking for comfort after their partner has ruined the relationship? Im not sure that I do. As a PI, I saw a lot of folks in pain but nothing, and I mean NOTHING pisses me off more than a guy who IS cheating AND treats the wife like a possession. Some women have a philosophy of “keep the peace” or backing down to avoid a fight…..If your so blinded to not see the truth about your cheating spouse just to keep the dream alive……its possible you might be an enabler….Im just sayin. You know those relationships where you “did everything he wanted” and it still didn’t keep it together? Well…..not many men enjoy shooting fish in a barrel.

Where have all the good times gone
Where have all the good times gone

Bring it………bring some sause for the goose. Of course it works just as well on the gander. I don’t think anyone likes the idea of cheating… but that only seems to hold when youre the cheatee…..but I have to say that if your spouse is cheating….. I got NO problem these days with saying I don’t believe in double standards. Staying with a cheater only hurts you !!!!! Yeah Im a soooper genius…..If you lie down with dogs…. Making the bed isn’t going to keep the fleas away. It might just be time to start the broiler for gander instead.. Now…….whos hungry?

Green grass, three wheels, and the college road trip

2009-11-25T07:28:00.000-08:00

I want to thank all you girls for being so interested in lending an ear. I like that! Im going to ramble a bit on this post because I want to say a few things and then get off this subject for a while and give everybody a break from me since it’s the holidays!! ….
My first undergrad experience was at a little college where everyone left on the weekends……yeah dude…kids would leave and go to the bigger schools to see how REAL schools partied. Two words dude. Road ……trip. I suppose we wanted to see what the grass was like on the other side. Maybe see something new. Ya know? A chance to get away. To me those all sound like legitimate excuses….. ..I mean….…reasons…..to get out of town. Bottom line it was just a weekend thing. Not permanent. Just a diversion cause…….come Monday…it was back to class. No harm….no foul.
Lately that’s the way I’ve been thinking about……….cheating. I think I mentioned that I’ve seen my fair share of infidelity working as a PI. Now I can’t take credit here.

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't

One time my buddy across the hall BEGGED me to take him to see his girlfriend…….. at Appalachian State. He didn’t have a car and I didn’t have a girlfriend so I said sure…….as long as she set me up so I didn’t feel like a third wheel. SO …..road trip it was……
We get there on Friday and the love birds are………. joined at the hip. My date…….bombed…..so I slept in the car for two nights and days with my books……Honestly it was ok….I was doing my friend a favor and there would be other times for me. Thing was……I think he already HAD a girlfriend…..Uh……dude?..........love….….FAIL. …. Do not pass go….Do not collect 200 dollars. What ARE you doing????
WHY DO GUYS CHEAT? I’ll tell you my take. If you will tell me why you think girls cheat.... Deal?
Me first. The times that I wasn’t on the straight and narrow was when…….I wasn’t really in love. Looking back …we might have gotten along great….but I wasn’t in love and I knew my heart wasn’t in it……and when I started getting butterflies in the presence of another…….well……
Truthfully….the relationship was dead. Even if someone hadn’t come along I would have ended it in a week or so anyway.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
ON THE OTHER HAND. I have heard some pretty weak excuses from guys. (not that mine are reverent) like…. “Im always looking for something better” …WT???…I guess some people are never happy with their own backyard so they eye the neighbors grass.
I’ve seen guys trade DOWN instead of up. Here me ladies ….I will explain this NOW. Please follow ……(these are rules…..to which there are exceptions so excuse the generalities and blanket statements cause its not always the case) Bear in mind some guys cheat because they…have no backbone…or…..think with the wrong body part, etc.etc.
MY experience goes like this……(now please dont get upset because you think im living in 1952...alot of this is fallout from western social history)...Home is sanctuary for men. We are told what to do from 9-5 while at work. Men are defined by their work. Which is important given that women are defined by their life at home. Work is a focus for men (traditionally) and home is a focus for women (traditionally). The SAHM puts her energy there and expects help from her partner as her goals are centered around the house. Enter ….the man. Hes worked all day so far and been told what to do. When he gets home he expects time away from being told what to do because all work and no play makes jack a dull boy. IMMEDIATE CONFLICT. What about the trash? What about helping with the kids? What about the laundry? A woman sees these things as priority. I have bad news.….THESE things are NOT a priority for a man. I hear women all the time say “he wouldn’t know what to do without me”. Don’t fool yourself…Im telling ya…we will just live in squalor. Its not pretty. Its not fun. But it’s the truth. If men thought it a priority they would run home and start doing the laundry. ….
I admit it. Men are taught work skills not home or relationship skills. So we end up neglecting what women think is important.
Funny thing….I did do the laundry and cleaned house until one day I asked her if it made a difference …she said……”no”. I stopped contributing after that…..no remorse….I couldn’t reach her cause she was already gone. So I quit after I realized I was the only one IN the relationship. LOL I frequently say that I worked ON the relationship and she worked on getting OUT of the relationship!! ……..She won!!!
Where was I?
Oh yeah……when home life turns into home work, men will go looking for sanctuary elsewhere…..I suppose that’s the same thing that women do….when the man starts treating them poorly…they look elsewhere. Yeah I‘ve said it before …Im a sooooper genius.
I think there is a difference between cheating and being used though……Its kinda hard for me to dump on some girl who decides to cheat when the hubby is a pile of….&%^*($….my own experience was the ex was a user….now THAT is not cool. A repeat offender even…..very uncool.

Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't

Bring it………….bring someone with gardening skills.….. I think we can all say we’ve been cheated on……even been on the other side of the fence too. I have always been in love with the thought of 8th grade love though. Ya know? Cheating was never a part of that world…….butterflies…….holding hands……. So yeah I’d trade sleepin in my car in college for that feeling of a first kiss in 8th grade. Pucker up ….buttercup! I need a kiss before I work on the lawn!

New Butterflies, Fidelity, and the jerk

2009-11-19T06:21:00.000-08:00

I notice from time to time that Im just NOT like other guys I know……not any better….just….different. When I tell people I have never done any drugs they say “sure”……. When I say girl on girl action does NOTHING for me…..they say “……r……ight”….When I say I don’t control my partner they still look at me funny. Im finding out that control is a common theme for relationships….. not cool…..I have to admit …I DO like being a bad boy and a thrill seeker but control freaks quite frankly……….suck.
I started thinking bout this when…………last week……someone…..kinda sorta…started …..showin me some interest…….hmmmm…very cute…Im startin to grow…… butterflies…....WAIT A MINUTE……she has a ring on…..”aren’t you??.........” ………”yes” ……”O………..K”.
The story is typical …..he cheated…..several times……now he controls where she goes, who she sees, what she WEARS, and she has to call him WHENEVER she gets in a car. He screens the phone bill and she isn’t allowed friends. …….. A perfect marriage. Now I cant take credit here.

Rulers make bad lovers
You better put your kingdom up for sale

In my own marriage I always thought you had to be yellin, screamin and throwing pots and pans to be unhappy…..THAT was the signal that there was trouble in paradise…yeah dude….….WRONG….. I was wrong….as a hollow person it was easy for her to conceal that she was cheating...she just ..acted normal...…I just....never knew……sound familiar?
I heard a statistic on the radio the other day that 35% of HAPPILY married women cheat. Ready???....... 65 % of HAPPILY married men cheat….this is NOT good……Im not happy about this…… AT ALL……I mean ……..what are the percentages of UNHAPPILY married couples that cheat??? JEESH…I talked to a guy friend of mine (who had cheated on HIS NEW bride….with his sister in law no less) and he said …”yeah happiness has nothing to do with me staying faithful……its just.... lust”…. Theyre still together and expecting a child……FR…..IIGGGG!!!!!!! COME …..ON…. MAN!!!! I feel like Mr. Douglas on green acres. Everyone else is nuts and Im the only normal one in town.
When I got divorced I became a PI and started a company called fidelity investigations. I NEVER had a client walk through my door that didn’t have a cheating spouse. NE…..VER. Where was I?
Oh yeah……
Have I always been faithful?.............No. I don’t want to lie and say I’m the ivory tower of honor. There were a few times that youth or weakness got the best of me….I’m not proud of those times…..but I never tried to string two people along……that’s…..just…….evil…dude.
BUT…. I understand why guys want control…… its just that its wrong outside the bedroom. Hear me ladies…men seek control because they have no control over how much their insurance costs…how much they get paid…..when the car breaks down…..Men will take control WHEREVER they can… unfortunately it means badgering their woman because theyre insecure….and women back down to keep the peace.
Being a man means being in control. Be responsible with money, do the laundry and take out the trash…WITHOUT BEING ASKED. Then a woman is at ease to let you be in control under the covers. Nothing is more sexy than a woman who is submissive because she trusts a man to take control of her…..vulnerable to the touch of my hand on your neck when I kiss you or stretching you out and holding your wrists down…….Controlling a woman outside the bedroom does NOTHING for the relationship. You know that and I know that….some people….don’t. To me that signals the END of it.

Is it over now?--do you know how?
To pick up the pieces and go home.

Bring it………..bring some fidelity…. In fact bring a lot of it. Nothing sucks more than being cheated on …..except being cheated on AND controlled…now that REALLY sucks. Its obvious to me that guys will EVEN try to control a woman AFTER the relationship is over!!!! Control……..FAIL.. …I understand why girls think were stupid.…its deserved…..…If you’ve survived having a jerk for a partner…….Im proud of you!......But cut me some slack…I might still want to …....tie you up….....just a little.

The friend zone, Switch flippin and Mikes market

2009-11-17T07:42:00.000-08:00

The best relationships that I can remember were the ones that started with friendship. There were ones that turned you into a grinning puppet….And there were the ones that screamed instant lust. When you’re looking for love it’s easy to accidentally undervalue friendship as a starting point. Dude I want the dizziness and butterflies too….dont get me wrong…A blank stare usually means I’m not thinking right. As I get older it seems just as hard to find the treasure of true friends as it is a worthwhile lover. I know there are plenty of folks that will say they’ve had friends stab them in the back but it seems people trust their friends MORE than their lovers…. Ya know??? I mean Im looking for someone who can flip my switch… but really I’m looking for someone who’s a friend that flips my switch. Does that make sense? Now I can’t take credit here.

Ah you’re the best friend
That I ever had
Been with you such a long time
You’re my sunshine

In forth grade Jody and I decided to take our 2 bucks and go to Mikes market on foot. If we went on foot the trip was sure to take a while and dude TWO….count em TWO bucks!!!!…..how would we carry all that loot home???! A perfect summer day. Birds…….crickets…....sun……..no worries…....no schedule……...and then………..Jody SCREAMS!!!!!!! ………..and picks up a five dollar bill!!!!………shoot……..it would take me over a month…….a MONTH to get that kind of allowance….he was jumping up and down and waving it around…..gr..….eat……and then I look down…….another five dollar bill!!!!! OH YEAH DUDE……. We’re jumpin,, we’re singin…….real treasure. We run the rest of the way yelling….FIVE BUCKS !!!! FIVE BUCKS!!!!
So we load up…… ALL the wacky packages, swamp thing comic books, fistfuls of candy bars, 100 pieces of gum (just to be safe)…….trip after trip to the counter….the bounty in piles…….by the time were done… each had a grocery bag FULL….and I mean FULL of sugar. A boy’s bag of dreams. Yeah dude……what sting o diabetes??? I wasn’t sure what diabetes was…..its sounded cool though……I didn’t care I had TREASURE!! Were stuffin our mouths……. before we EVEN leave the store.
This bubble is as big as my head!! OOK!! OOK!...... Itha wecord!!!.....Itha wecord!! We had so much energy it just HAD to be a good idea to jump off the football fields announcers box onto those sponges…..HAD to be. Oh yeah were buzzin……after 30 minutes of flips and funniest look jumps we raised the stakes. What’s better than jumping off???? …ummmm……. Jumping off……. NAKED!!!! Yeah dude……a sugar buzz does strange things……
Trey ….. youre a sooooper genius……I know all this…..yeah that’s true. But I gotta tell ya…..I need reminding myself…cause there have been times I have picked a lover (including my ex wife) that I wouldn’t even have as a friend…..bet you have too…. Fair-weather, short tempered, selfish….........friendship…...FAIL

OOO you’re makin me live
Whenever this world is cruel to me
I’ve got you to help me forgive

Bring it………bring friendship. All the gum in the world means nothing if there’s no one to share it with. We never got caught and the day was as much fun as two friends could have. No bills, No planning, No regrets……. Jody was just a friend…. The kind that you CANT forget and CANT find in the adult world…..
I find people looking for love but not for friends anymore… I guess the friend zone is not the place to get stuck….. I don’t worry about that….I could never stop love from happening when it was right…. The friend zone wasn’t an issue. Since love is built on trust I cant think of a better foundation than friendship. Someone you can laugh ……cry…...trust …..and be yourself with Love and friendship are rare treasures.....….finding both together??????.........priceless……want some gum?

Bombshell Bliss was sweet and gave me an award!!!!

2009-11-13T07:17:00.000-08:00

Bombshell Bliss was kind enough to give me an award!! Woo-Woo Thank you! Dancin like snoopy, hehehee dancing like steve martin!! Hehehe
Truthfully I have to say with all my heart I appreciate the thoughts you ladies bring to me. I mean that. There are times when I think Ive sorted out something and there isn’t room for change and BAM!! Somebody hits me with a curve ball!!!! Cool…...If there is something personal that I can help any of you with….please ask….
Now I have the task of giving out awards myself. Which is hard cause I like ALL the blogs I read! Here goes……

http://angietheantitheist.blogspot.com/

Angie has had it rough….and I love a survivors story dontcha know

http://invisibleseductress.blogspot.com/

is a fabulous writer! (she wont tell me her real name) Funnier than a woman should be.

http://bloggerfriendly.blogspot.com/

Kimberly frequently has MAN pictures

http://robyncoffman.blogspot.com/
Is all Heart……. 

http://30andstartingover.blogspot.com/

Heather wants to hit me in my lump head. For a Russian shes pretty cute though…..

Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.

Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog.

Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Smiling faces, paintin the house, and the social contract

2009-11-12T10:13:00.000-08:00

Dilemma dude………but Im gonna let it fly cause truth is best…right?? I SWEAR…… Im EASY to get along with…..EASY cheesy lemon squeezy.......parcheesi....hehehe And I know we all have our differences…..but if you break a social contract with me ……..I…….dont recover. Its harsh…….I……..know……...and I promise that I love being flexible…its just that I have a standard and that standard means DON’T LIE TO ME. Don’t break a social contract. Don’t USE me. Its not negotiable. Now I can’t take credit here.

Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes
They don't tell the truth

Switch gears here. This is the house I grew up in. Its wooden and yeah Norman Rockwell fantasizes about painting it.
My dad was…..IS ………an asshole. There ….I said it….and yeah I meant it. There was the time he stole this guys brand new Cadillac and hid it……… for a WEEK …..then returned it to the same spot. Just to screw with the guy. One time he came out of a waffle house drunk and asked an officer in the parking lot (for fun) “Do you know where the waffle house is?” …..they locked him up….. Dude……Where in the
world ARE you going with this??
Ok…back to the house….I was in 5th grade and dad says “I need you to help me paint the house”. OK ……Brush….paint…bucket…ladder…..no sweat….until…..”son the ladder wont reach the top……So Im going to get on the roof and tie a rope around your waist” ……..blink……..blink…… “and” ……..”AND WHAT DAD????”.... “don’t worry”……”DON’T WORRY????...Did you JUST tell me?? …that im going to be suspended in mid air ….two floors up..…by a rope…...around my waist..….that youre going to hold…...when you put that beer down…..
……ogodogodogodogod……
All the blood ran out of my head.
Years later…when I tried to tell him that I wish he had been around more when I was young…..he had the ,,,,BALLS…...BALLS to tell me “I wasn’t around so you would learn to do things for yourself”. …Yeah dad.....sure.....Fatherhood…...FAIL.
There was this local girl I was kinda interested in. And she broke our social contract. In the interest of trying to get us together, I would ask her for something specific or even something general. Just to set up getting to see her again. Every time we got together she always had an excuse as to why she wasn’t able to “look something up” or “ask her friend” or “read what I gave her”. Yeah dude…… Always….. we would see each other several times a week and she was getting more amorous every time.But she NEVER followed up on ANYTHING I asked. She didnt even follow up on things she asked my opinion on!!!! She liked the attention she was getting but I was actually getting pissed off. I did whatever she requested and she.....dropped the ball. That lightbulb went off and I completely refused to even look at her in public. No explanation from me AT ALL. The end. Finito….. O…....VER. Break a social contract and I admit it….I ……don’t do well with that. And dont expect me to give you a road map on what you did to screw it up. Youre How old?
The same happened to another girl in town. She started cattin around….and I admit it….she was cute…lemme tell ya….and everytime we communicated she said she would look at my blog. Which I suggested was a good way to get to know me if you didn’t know ANYTHING. Well….. having looked at my visitors I could tell she was just giving me lip service….she would troll me for the attention…for weeks …..WEEKS…. dude!…..then give me lip service, every time, promising me she would look. Eventually I stopped acknowledging her too. I really hate to sound like a shit and I DON’T like to treat people with disrespect but………FRIG!!!! …Its hard for me to feel bad when I get trolled. When I realize Im getting trolled I cut your net. Don’t tell me your looking for love then throw out your net and troll. I don’t CARE if you get pissed off that I cut your net. I don’t want to play “string Trey along”. Im gonna change the rules abit and see how you like playing “Treys gonna ignore you for life”…. I know ……Im a kill joy. But I can’t stand a bait and switch….... I have a wedding album and paid off credit cards to prove it. Trolling for attention and I will NOT bite. I might consider grabbing the line and pulling you out of the boat instead......Ever met someone who says they HATE drama…..and their life is FILLED with it???? That’s fine………...just…….…. keep your distance.

Smiling faces, smiling faces
Tell lies and I got proof

Bring it………..bring a social contract we can all live with. A bad marriage taught me what not to do. A bad father taught me what a good father should be. I guess there are lessons to be learned everywhere. Make no mistake I cant always keep my end of the bargain…. But the older I get….the happier I am with the contracts I make. Now….….where do I sign?

Online dating, strip poker, and killin dinner

2009-11-10T10:17:00.000-08:00

Im gonna say I’m lucky. Yeah dude……lucky……. Well…with most things that is…… playin the lottery is NOT my thing, and my last trip to the dog track was nothing short of a disaster, and I confess…….. Im not a card player…..although I would love some lessons…..
I cant say blessed….just lucky…cause I’ve had some good relationships in the past…..and I’m grateful for that….cause there are times when love isn’t around….. I mean….. I have my health….. Seriously dude…..
This is a picture of my local matches from an online dating site…….Like I said…I’ve got my health……….Now I can’t take credit here.

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.

Some things just ARENT meant to be. Im good with that. Im still a lucky man. I’ve tasted love and know how good that feels…..I have a feeling there are waaayy too many people who never get their shot. Now THAT would stink. Big time……Weathering times by yourself because the love train isn’t stopping is one thing…..but to NEVER get a ride is……….well……. not pretty. Like I said …I’m lucky.
I’m a man. In my world I have to prepare for times when I’m unlucky. A REAL man doesn’t trick a woman into sleeping with him. He doesn’t make her feel guilty. He doesn’t control her or make her feel trapped to get what he wants. A lucky man is patient when he’s unlucky in love. You can’t just……..trick it into happening.
Men by nature jump up and down and yell. Ya gotta remember that for the last ten thousand years, we’ve been getting up at dawn and going out to kill dinner. All those characteristics we bring home when the hunt is over.
I was at the gym and this girl brought her two kids….. a son and a daughter.…every thirty seconds she was chastising the son for climbing around on things and the daughter just sat in the corner. She said “I wish he was as good as her” as she yanked him around the gym. FAIL. Five hundred years ago he would be out with his dad……tracking down dinner all day…not sitting in a chair. That is NOT his nature. At no point in time did a native Indian dad say “son……..sit on this rock for the next SIX hours and be still……and pay attention to the old lady over there talking about foreign policy and atomic structure……..we’re gonna do this every day this week….and at the end of the week Im gonna test you on what you remember.” FAIL X2 Boys like to throw rocks…We’re good at it… ....cut us some slack please. We're wired differently and its important for you to understand why we do what we do....Just like you really wish he would get that you sometimes just want to be held....
I will admit we still need your help. What we need your help with is how to bring you the relationship you want. I hear women criticize men all day long about how stupid we are. I gotta tell ya…. I NEVER hear a guy complain that women throw rocks like a girl. Do you?
Just for the record….I am NOT doing the online dating thing. I set up a profile just to let my beautiful followers know…….. I’m better off in this town by myself……..

You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

Bring it………. Bring some good luck………Life is tough on people these days. And for some it’s probably a comfort to smoke, or eat, or sit on the couch to get through the tough times. I think that’s an empty solution. You wouldn’t want your man to run to a bottle or spend your paycheck on some heroin would you? The good times are easy. It’s the hard times that test you. Yeah Trey, You’re a sooooper genius…..I guess my point is its important to measure your man by how he acts when times are tough. That will tell you something important about his character. It’s hard to feel safe around a loose cannon I should think…….. I don’t mind the downtime…… I would rather wait for my luck to change rather than place a bad bet. Maybe I should take up……...strip poker. You know what they say…….. unlucky at cards……

Retraining, building love town, and a field of dreams

2009-11-04T07:38:00.001-08:00

Yeah dude….. its done….its up…….she got it up….. its perfect….really strong…tall…. Yeah it works……really well ……that wall is NOT going anywhere…… it looks good…. She should be happy with that….yeah dude….no WAY anybody’s getting past THAT…….been workin on it for years…..NOBODYS getting IN….or….. OUT of this place. Guaranteed.
Ok…. So ….I get the call….. “I want love”…… ok…that’s a good start……”but when someone gets close the walls go up” …sigh…....so…..you don’t want love????.... Oh … I see….. you want love but your not available…….hmmmm… maybe I DON’T see….Now I can’t take credit here.

Told myself I'd get by without love
Drownin' my sorrows
Avoiding tomorrows
Kind of felt that I just had enough

If you build it…they will come……WRONG….. field of dreams indeed….if you build it……they will ………surely be scared off. I wish I could say baseball was my thing…sorry…...FOOTBALL it is then…..
Its preseason and I have taken some time off from lower body training…. So… I need ….retraining. My upperbody is good to go dude but working legs ……is NOT fun.
Ive been avoiding this and avoiding this as long as I dared… ..so I started back last week. IM…….sore……. this is good….really……A few weeks from now and the power will come back. My body WILL remember. Its that first few weeks that’s a killer. Incidentally…… ladies…..Get your man to work his lower body…..not cardio….. I mean leg iron….…seriously. His butt, legs and lower back are the largest muscles in the body…if you see a guy with developed legs…….his endorphin/testosterone level are THROUGH the roof. Wink Wink.
One thing is certain……… I won’t play well unless I get off ma butt and start leg pressing. I can’t have it both ways. Wow, such great information Trey……ya gonna say sumpin worthwhile??? I know I can’t have walls up and find love…….thats common sense….. Duh……Well…sometimes people miss the obvious…. Myself included. Lately my bloggy friend girls have been saying some nice things about me and I want you to know I appreciate that…...its nice to be heard!!!!….….small smile….but I do my best to look in the mirror and sometimes I need a bit of retraining….
So….we talk a while and its obvious…….she wants her cake and she wants to eat it too…..she wants love but she’s got the walls up…..fan….tastic…….no deal….no dice…. The walls keep you IN and everyone else OUT……What if you met a guy and his walls were up? ….…well??......If youre unavailable then don’t think you’re gonna go far in love town…..
Ive had my heart stomped…….. yeah dude …….serious pain. My own words to another were that she had to

“trash the memory of true love instead of finding a way to mend what you had accidentally messed up. From there you shot it, cut it up, beat it, ran over it, set it on fire, and then blew it up.”

And here I am
I'm back on my feet again

Bring it………..bring the demolition crew. Building a wall is EASY in love town. The hard thing is to keep one from going up. But that’s the ONLY way love will come back to you. You have to be available. You have to open your heart.. Its not a debate. I see good people in 24 hour self preservation mode. En…....joy. You build a wall…. And you will live there by yourself. You build a wall…….and YOU have to take it down. Yeah I need a bit of retraining myself…….it is the offseason……..…..But I plan on playing again. DOWN………...SET…………

A toolbox, Neil Young,and the pole dancer

2009-10-30T09:50:00.000-07:00

We danced. Yeah dude…. I mean ….NO….usually when I say we danced I mean it rhetorically…this time we actually danced……I mean SHE danced….…actually we danced 6 months ago…..This is confusing isn’t it???
Lemme try again….. We danced about six months ago…….didnt get her name…she wanted my phone number so I gave it to her….didnt ask her for her number….. hadn’t seen her until ….yesterday. She asks for my number again and said she lost it the first time. We say goodbye and …….my phone rings ten minutes later.

“Im going dancing…you waaanna come?”
“When are you goin?”
“now” she says “RIGHT NOW”
“Im……...in gym clothes”
“I DON’T CARE”

The club is COMLETELY empty at this hour. Its me… the bartender,…. the DJ and her. “What do you do?” I ask. “Im retired”. “Really?....from what?”………”I was a dancer.”….longer than usual pause…..”huh………really?”….. “mmhhmmmm” Im thinking she doesnt mean ballet at the MET. Now I can’t take credit here.

I want to live,
I want to give
I've been a miner
for a heart of gold.

After a few drinks and some interesting story swapping…….I take that back…..HER stories were interesting…….mine were……. boring in comparison.. … she talks to the DJ for 5 minutes. And he nods yes ….over and over. The music starts and she motions with her finger for me to “come” and smiles. “Stand here”…….I stand there. I want to dance and she tells me “No…….watch”. ….. I watched.
Lemme say Im VERY naïve ….…even at my age……... about such things. Apparently you don’t actually need a pole to pole dance. …… I had one on me…..
Eventually she pushes me into a chair when “tequila makes her clothes fall off” comes on……….and it does……
She grabs my hand and out the door we go… brazenly she walks out with a beer bottle in her hand…..defying anyone to say anything….We drive awhile and eventually end up at a deserted park.
I’m my typical self..…a geek…...trying to inject something worthwhile into the conversation but not having much success. She leans back against my car and pulls her bra and shirt up around her neck. She arches her back and my hands just…….travel….
The conversation ……..stops…..
I prompt her for….nothing……...she offers ….everything….
She turns her back to me…….lays her head back and slowly pulls her pants down……her body bends over, her palms flat on the hood of the car…...her shoulder blades tighten together, her hair spilling down her back …..and I said……………”no”.

Keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.

Bring it….....bring a little something more than dancing skills. I LOVE to dance. Don’t get me wrong….. but dancing wont help either of us when we have a fight. It wont make things better after I forgot to write down a check. It wont say youre sorry you wrecked the car. Now Im getting rhetorical. If your going to dance I DO want your head on my shoulder but if dancing is the only thing you got in the tool box …….then ill just use my own tools….the nights not over ……. Save the last dance for me. Will ya?

The reunion, the mechanic, and time in a bottle

2009-10-27T10:50:00.001-07:00

Ok……. the high school reunion was this past weekend…..yeah dude…..too much fun…. and just enough secrets that I would blush to type them even here. …small smile…. All in all some good folks did their best to get the past together and knowing my peeps like I do …a good time was had by all……I didn’t get laid…….but a good time was had by all. Lately Ive fashioned myself as a mechanic. A fixer. And its true…..its broke dude?? Hand it to me…..no…just hand it to me….I’ll take care of it…...How can that be bad? Fixin up the reunion for some good friends has to be righteous!!!! Now I can’t take credit here.

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

Lemme say straight up… I like being a man. Not because it’s a mans world……or because im a chauvanist…. I like being a man because the thought of holding someone close and making them feel safe and secure yanks my crank. I LOVE intimacy…….foreplay???? dude ……don’t sell it short… how bout……fiveplay ??.....sixplay?? Remember that a man starts with whats in the bedroom and takes that outside the bedroom…… A woman is the other way around…..she takes the bills, the house payment, and how shes mistreated INTO the bedroom. I have to take care of her outside the bedroom for her to respond inside the bedroom. In a mans world, having sex is a priority because it FEELS good. I don’t get the same feeling when I ……pay the bills, take out the trash, or do the laundry. Does that make sense?
My job as a man is successful when she feels safe on my arm. Her heart comes first and her body follows in the bedroom. If I break THAT…by treating her wrong OUTSIDE the bedroom…...I cant fix it.
True story. There was this girl that I had been wanting to get close to….. I knew her past boyfriends and ….wasnt impressed…..but still I was drawn to her and when the time came for us to get neked I asked her…”what do you want?” …..she said….”I don’t know”……..and I told her to get her clothes on I was taking her home….. If she didn’t know what she wanted then how would I know? It wasn’t the most tactful thing Ive ever done…..
The truth is she had been with a bunch of bozos and never got a chance to find out what made her motor run…… I LOVE cars and fashion myself a mechanic…but I …..cant ….fix….. this…….
There was another girl…I really was head over heels for…..but….EVERYTIME we went out she started a fight…..EVERYTIME…..Lemme say for the record. I don’t do makeup sex….if you piss me off on purpose guess what the result is??? Im PISSED off….the LAST thing I want to do is have sex with you…
True story…same girl….. My BEST friend died and I told her I needed to go see his widow and the girlfriend said she wanted to come. I really needed some support and was glad she offered. We spent an couple of hours with others who were mourning the loss of a good friend and when we were leaving I thought it would be nice to ask my girl if there was anything she wanted?….was there any place she needed to go?… I thought it would be nice to return a favor. She spent the last couple of hours doing what I wanted and I thought I would return the offer. This is a quote….she screamed…. “NO!!!!! IM HUNGRY IM TIRED AND I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND GO TO BED”…… I was out of there the next day. But I still kept my manhood intact. I completely put new flooring in her kitchen first like I promised. Then told her it was over.

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do

Bring it…………bring somethin that aint broke OR a really well stocked tool box…..Im not a perfect man. And I do LOVE to fix things……It makes me sad that some don’t ever get to taste love…..but if someone breaks you….YOU have to fix it….. you cant depend one someone ELSE to fix your broken heart. ….someone doesn’t BRING you love….. you make it together……maybe Ill get laid in five years at the next reunion.

Miss angie gave me an award!! XXX OOO

2009-10-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

Miss Angie gave me an award!!!!! Thank you darlin! …small smile….. Im not used to getting things…when my phone rings its because someone wants something so I really appreciate the thought…YOU ARE AWESOME STILL!!!!

I try to put a lot of who I am in my posts and I hope that comes through because for me blogging is great therapy but its also a window to show people who I am. I do have a bit of a jesus complex and so I do try to impart something of value…even if its only worth a couple of cents!! Peace to all of you and Thanks to all of you for listening!!!!!

1. Where is your cell phone? Charging by the gamma camera
2. Your hair? Turning into clooney
3. Your mother? No help
4. Your father? Moms accomplice
5. Your favorite food? asian
6. Your dream last night? Don’t remember
7. Your favorite drink? tarantula
8. Your dream/goal?. Two different things f1 pilot/to live abroad
9. What room are you in? control
10. Your hobby? music
11. Your fear? My daughter wont ever love her dad
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? abroad
13. Where were you last night? Sleeping in the living room
14. Something that you aren’t?. good at basketball
15. Muffins? please
16. Wish list item? Ferrari 438 targa
17. Where did you grow up? daleville
18. Last thing you did? Writing script
19. What are you wearing? scrubs
20. Your TV? projection
21. Your pets? dead
22. Friends? dead
23. Your life? Too short
24. Your mood? Worrisome at the moment
25. Missing someone? yes
26. Vehicle? Want more
27. Something you’re not wearing? heels
28. Your favorite store? Freds mercantile
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? Sunday morning
31. Last time you cried two weeks ago
32. Your best friend? dead
33. One place that I go to over and over? hay rock
34. One person who emails me regularly? My bank
35. Favorite place to eat? lews

EDITED:::: I am SO lame!!! LOL I JUST NOW noticed the icon for the award!!! Its a chick with an apron...... OH MAN!!! thats good!

The titanic, a crapburger, and rose colored glasses

2009-10-21T10:51:00.000-07:00

Smiling today dude……..seriously!!! …You KNOW I like to tell stories of overcoming bad relationships and lessons learned from dating women from venus…...dont hit me yet…..I know the reverse is true…..women have much more to lose from a bad marriage than men because they have spent years……. YEARS dude!!!!! dreaming about it while guys from mars spend their time preparing for marriage by ……throwing rocks…….which is fine if your in a rock throwing contest but it doesn’t do much in the way of helping a marriage stay on track. So I admit it.... guys are relationship challenged……myself included
Where was I???......oh yeah…..…smilin dude!! I AM a guy and yeah I do NOT like to repeat things….especially a mistake...sorry it’s a typical quality I think for a guy….and what is it they say about the definition of insanity??? Doing the same thing over and over expecting the result to be different……. Well…..I just lose it when I see people make the SAME BAD choice more than a few times….. dude ARE you listenin?? DUDE???? Knock knock….HELLO??? Now I cant take credit here.

Complicate this world you wrapped for me
Im acquainted with your suffering

I do have a questionable quality that I have to reality check…so feel free to hit me over the head with a blunt object if you think Im doin wrong……I truly appreciate bloggyfriend help!!! Thank you!!!
…....Im not sure how I feel about the realization that …….Im a dreamer….Capital D dude…..its a good/bad thing Im convinced…..I like to fashion myself as a realist…reality trumps all. Period. Kinda puts the brakes on dreamin….WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU GOING WITH ALL THIS?????
Oh yeah ……..smilin dude……
A persons past is a decent window on the behavior of …..say……whether they can EVEN HAVE a relationship…….yeah dude rose colored glasses go IN the trash….Roses are cool....but the glasses have got to go....gotta remember that more often……..women I think will color their perception of a guy to keep a relationship from failing……I mean what girl says her dream man is a druggie? An alcoholic? ……….For the THIRD guy in a row?? Yeah dude….FAIL…...my bad boy reputation I can live with... but COME ON.
Hey I got it!!! Don’t worry …..you can CHANGE him!!!! That’s it!!!!..........FAIL X2. Rose colored glasses cant hide the smell of crap now can they? I mean …..if youre having difficulty telling the difference between…....say….... crapburger………..hamburger ……..and filet mignon, then ……..I'll probably be eatin at another restaurant.....
I talked to a girl the other day who had kicked her husband out after he confessed to cheating with another girl. She said she didn’t know if she could trust him…….like there was actually a debate about the issue…….she was so twisted up that even in the face of his confessed cheating she wasn’t SURE she could trust him…..Are …..you…..serious???? I told her I wasn’t SURE the titanic would sink…….Im just not SURE …....I mean………it might float….

And all your weight, it falls on me
It brings me down

Bring it…….…bring a good decision…………because No relationship is preferable to a bad relationship………No decision is BETTER than a BAD decision…..Dreamin is a good thing but its best to dream smart….. Oh yeah….Im smilin because I’ve had some rose colored glasses on lately……….but I see much better without them…..…FAIL?........not this time…...Im smilin….....gonna order me a big steak.....

The cold, the empty, and warm feet

2009-10-19T10:17:00.001-07:00

Oh dude….its getting cold…..this is……not good….seriously dude….. don’t get me wrong. I like Eskimos theyre cute….and a cold beer on a hot day is great …A Charlie Brown Christmas and the Grinch make me smile…….but snow is a four letter word and I am JUST not ready….ya know? No matter how much I LOVE to snow ski, I have to admit I do love summer days…..flip flops…..laying on the boat with Bob Marley and a straw hat……I was thinking about my exwife and……..Now I can’t take credit here.

Youre as cold as ice,
youre willing to sacrifice our love

And……cold really doesn’t describe her……so I cant go there….what I will say is that shes empty. And THAT………makes her worthless. Not only was she worthless as a wife… but she was worthless as a person…..Have you ever met those people?……I do have a name for them. I call them ghost people. Someone you could work beside, day after day, for years, YEARS dude, and still not have a clue WHO they are. We went to a marriage councilor for help and took some tests. The results?

I knew who I was.
I knew who she was.

She didn’t know who I was
She didn’t know who she was.

She wasn’t cold. She was a moron. Am I bitter ? Not for the marriage. Just for my kids……they have a moron guiding them. True story. A week after we split up I called her at work and the receptionist asked “Oh is this blankety blank?” (her new boyfriend). I said “No…..but he can have her” I didnt contain my laughter and it was true. I wasn’t bitter and she wasn’t cold. She did get remarried this past weekend and I did make a little toast ……..to freedom…..and lessons learned. The end of the world???….Not even close dude…..
Yeah its getting cold outside…….but the truth be known.. ….now its time for extreme spooning an getting close under the covers……..cuddlin on the couch……hot toddys, foot rubs, and sex by the fireplace on a thick, soft fur rug after a bottle of wine……....and those are things you DON’T do in the summer…….

Youre digging for gold, youre throwing away
A fortune in feelings, but someday youll pay

Bring it…………bring some hot chocolate and popcorn…I can take it! Really! …small smile…..Did she dig for gold? Yeah …..Do I want her to pay? Not really….I cant say I care enough for that…..
When people are cold I often think they have a good reason for being distant. The trick is not to dress for winter all year long…… If you cant picture summer or know what love is all about I am NOT your man…and you WONT be able to sell me ice cubes…..Heartless folks don’t change…..remember that….like someone whos empty……you cant fill them up…..but if someone is cold they might just need a warm fire to make them open up……..Breaking someone down is one thing......…making them melt is another.
I would rather pick up a bottle of wine on the way home and some firewood…….you comin or what?

Jacks ,silly putty, and a scoop of vanilla

2009-10-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

Dude……silly putty?......are you serious? Yeah dude…Im old…..frisbees, marbles, jacks, and………...silly putty……My parents used to get a break from me when I was growing up by sending me to my grandmoms for a week each summer. So yeah were talking way before cell phones and video games. So I was at grammas mercy to entertain her with elementary math skills and prowess at spelling Mississippi. The reverse was true as well. She was in charge of keeping me busy. After recounting tales of my moms youth (mom apparently put a worm in her moms salad one day as a joke and forgot all about it until after dinner) and looking through countless black and white photos of people I would never know …….. I got to play with silly putty. Which….kept me occupied for all of……….12 minutes. You would think that the endless possibilities of having something in your hand that you could mold into anything you wanted would be attractive……….thats a noper………not a yepper. Now I can’t take credit here.

Youre no good for me
And Im no good for you

I have to admit Im an extremist. If its really safe and easy then Im probably doing it……… wrong. Bear with me……When I was young….. if a model was a snap together it didn’t take a lot of effort and I got bored pretty easy with it. If I played football against younger kids I really wasn’t entertained all that much. So shooting fish in a barrel loses its appeal quickly.
I like a challenge…….. a push…….someone with drive…….backbone……I have dated some girls who were so compliant that the fire was more like a match. Im italian…… Its ok to have a bonfire……I like love that makes you warm and hot inside…..To me thats much more reassuring and satisfying than being passive in a relationship. Yes I am a soooper genius........
I’m going to withold a name here. I dated this wirey little thing once. Our physical bond was ………..STRONG…..
….”the thought of having you all to myself to spoil and make feel safe and secure will only make you hungry and content when I ……hold you still …… and your body tightens up……and I…….slowly apply pressure….……right where you want…….….and hold it………and whisper three words in your ear to drive you”…….yeah dude …….that kind of strong…..we ALMOST took her to the ER once . She had chest pains that scared me to death after we had been sweating for nearly 8 hours……time flies when youre…….well… you know…
Ultimately we werent compatible for other reasons…..Long story short…..I have never loved vanilla ice cream……..I take that back……I did once…….were divorced now.

American woman
Get away from me
American woman
Mama let me be
I gotta go
I gotta get away

Bring it………..bring something to go with the silly putty. Mind you I don’t have bad memories of silly putty. The ability to bend and stretch yourself is a good quality. Certainly one you want in a lover. What you don’t want is OVER submission to the point of …..vanilla ice cream……..if you think your being desirable by just…laying there ….cause your letting him do what he wants ….well that’s just silly…….putty. Would you rather your man do everything you ask and not be able to lead? ………Jacks???......Anyone?

Rush week, being last, and the double funnel beer bong

2009-10-12T10:26:00.001-07:00

I tell you right now…… boys are taught NOT to be last. Hear me ladies……Boys are brought up to HUSSLE!!! Son……do NOT settle for second place!!! What ARE you doing???? Do you NOT know how to RUN???!!!! We are taught in sports to be aggressive…take control…..dont let up……
Being a pledge for Sigma Phi Epsilon was a …healthy? diversion from studying my ass off……. But it started out as a good idea. Ya know? Yeah dude….cool…..parties…..sorority girls…..Big brothers showing you the ropes…..sworn to help and humiliate you with painful accuracy and minimal effort. The last day of rush was make or break. Do or die. The last test. ……. I showed up…..unprepared………for anything and everything. A lamb to the slaughter……..
The brothers ALL have a wry grin, and smile like sweet revenge is owed and very near. Tonight……….diligent calculus students will devolve into drunken puppets faster than you can say quadratic equation. The first pledge order is to slam a beer in under 5 seconds……..No sweat…… I look at Glynn…whose face is blank…..I wink and ….….WER”E OFF!!!!!!.... I inhale deep……………..and down it goes…I crush my can. Test passed………...NEXT??? Now I can’t take credit here.

I was the sole survivor
sole survivor
Sole survivor
solitary fighter.

It didn’t take long for my confidence to fade……..I watched as they sent some pledge to the local restaurant for a menu………...naked……..All the blood ran out of my head…..ogodogodogodogod……and where WAS Glynn????? GLYNN!!!!????? Has anybody seen GLYNN???.....Pass? ….. No chance…this test was designed to fail EVERYBODY…….I’m gonna Earn this grade……fan……tastic..
Im in luck…..…my turn at the double funnel beer bong…….cheers go up as I drop to my knees and watch what HAS to be a gallon of beer get loaded…….the chanting starts and I suck on that hose …..WITH……. EVERYTHING…….. IVE……... GOT……….UNTIL………UNTIL…….it comes flying out through my cheeks like a firehose…..I dash to the bathroom spraying like a supersoaker 3000 and people flee like I have a loaded gun. My big brother comes in to enjoy my agony and proclaims “MY BOY HAD CARROTS FOR LUNCH!!!!” Soon after that…… I went black.
I woke up the next day just as the naked guy was coming through the door with a menu.

When I saw it
I was amazed. One time glory right in my gaze.

Bring it………bring some ……preparation…...I hear women complain about men being selfish……..I wont argue…..were taught to push for first place……we want to succeed…..so tell me …. Would you want a man who says its ok to be last??? …sleep late? ….watch sports ALL the time and NOT pay the bills?..... I think men fall down when they can’t move over for the team and let their lover be first…… A man who puts his family first is a gracious loser and winner……A woman who ALWAYS puts the kids first over everything else …..is destined to fail…….I cant say I’m justified by some of the things I hear from women about their mans behavior…most of it makes me sad….. Im lucky…..I understand that using a sword at work will not work when I get home…at home I have to use a butter knife….. Love is fragile these days, but love in a mans world will not survive if he is to be placed after the laundry……If you advocate ANYTHING for the kids…. You will find your mans attention somewhere other than home.
This ALL sounds selfish….. I don’t disagree. But when I sign up, I want to play…not sit on the bench as a second stringer…..I cant imagine that a woman would want to hear she comes in second to ESPN…. I don’t like the sound of that…. But I still want to …..
Play ball!

The ring, the reunion, and mowin the lawn

2009-10-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

When I was a junior there was this cute little cheerleader. For the life of me I don’t remember how things got started. But they ended quick! I remember that! But I just do NOT remember why she broke up with me...... It didn’t even last two weeks! Somehow…..in that really short period she ended up with my class ring……cool dude….small smile…I remember she had it on a necklace …. and then on her finger….and then…………..it was gone….. ?????? FRIG!!! What DID SHE DO WITH IT??? I mean….. breakin up with a guy is one thing ……but to throw out his class ring??? What kind of creature does that?? MY CLASS RING!!! Jeesh…. dude……you would have to be a complete #$%@) to do that to a guys class ring!! Now I can’t take credit here.

Somethings missing

So for the next 20 years Im steamed AND bummed about it…… until…….I get the call….20 years later…. “Is this Trey Logan?” ……yeah …who is this? … “did you graduate in 82 from LB?” ….yeah………who IS this?...........”I found your class ring………in my yard”…….. say again?....... “I said I found your class ring in my yard”. …..I start pacing…….REALLY??? …..NO JOKE?? ……HAHA….WAIT………WHAT??? ….victory at last!!!! Yeah dude…..forget HER!! …..Dancin now…....hhmmm hmmmmm hmmmmm yeahyeahyeah…..thankyouthankyouthankyou……where are you and I’ll come and get it!.........He gives me the address and…….. I stop dancin……. “You mean ……on the corner?” ….”little white house??”…….and it hit me….I used to mow the grass there when I was in high school……it must have….. fallen off….. or something ….. yeah dude……FAIL…….
She hadn’t thrown it away…..somehow she had given it back to me and …….I LOST it!!!! ..Fan……..tastic.
Fast forward to last week. Its high school reunion planning time and there are BIG smiles and hugs long overdue when we come together. Good natured humor and familiarity take over and I am instantly transformed back to being a teenager. 27 years………gone……
We are all together to let our hair down…and drink down the past to make whole what is owed after all this time….stories of youth …….memories and yes…..class rings……. Were a tough bunch ..….survivors of infidelity….….mistreatment……..loneliness ……disappointment…. unrealized dreams ……all……….stolen by time……
She is there……and…..I am never ……..on guard…….expecting nothing other than the effortless friendship of those I trust…… the bonds of my youth are strong….. and I am still ……..a rock.
Our time is all casual together but……..She is……not herself…..I can FEEL it. Her past she keeps with her….Then the words spill “I don’t know what I want”…. “Just once I want to wake up happy” and my heart…..is FULL with pain…..but the occasion is too happy for us to take up bearing crosses and so we laugh and play, completely satisfied with the bubble we have made. No bills…….no games……no pressures….
She is facing me, her bare foot on the arm of my chair And then…….
Instinct just…….comes…….I slide my hand across the bottom of her foot and pull it to me…both thumbs …flattening her arch ……….back…. and …..forth….. while we talk round the table. The comfort between us is …….effortless …complete…..unspoken……..still her past ……dominates her thoughts..…its control …….ever present……but…

When autumn comes, it doesn’t ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.

Bring it……..bring dreams that still live… ….some dreams you just canNOT kill dude..….some dreams will NOT die. Even if they are forgotten……or asleep…. or …..lost in high grass for 27 years. … life is rough on people these days…If you’ve lost it…..find it……nobody gets outta here without battle scars and lost rings…..but if you’re lucky…you might just find somebody to help find it…….the reunion is in 2 weeks…….

Freedom Jam, the spare snare, and the graveyard at Hop in

2009-10-06T10:28:00.000-07:00

If I thought I have succeeded more than I’ve failed ….I might be lying to you so I wont tell you that …….yeah dude…gotta LONG list……..the summer after my freshman year of college I wasn’t smart enough to line up summer work so….. I ended up working the graveyard shift……....at HopIn. 11-7. right across from my old high school………..It was AWFUL…….AWFUL I TELL YOU!! I made a fool of myself for the low low price of......like…….$3.65 /hour. I was humiliated on a daily basis to the delight of ALL my old high school buddies who would come in and buy beer and laugh going out the door. “Yeah……..Logan’s going places….Bwahhaaaa!!!!” Ex girlfriends would come in as well as girls I had wanted to ask out….…fan…..tastic…..they couldn’t hide the fact they were glad ……glad they weren’t with me!!!!! LOL Yep sure made the right decision there didn’t they??!! LOL Now I cant take credit here.

There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him
You can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him
When he's down

When I was a senior in high school I got the hair brained scheme to follow this band around that I wanted to join. Yeah dude…..freedom jam was playing all over Virginia and I would follow them from town to town even on school nights. That was my plan. …… Graduate……… and become the drummer for freedom jam. It was a fan….tastic idea. Really dude…I mean….just think ...... the touring……..see the country…..the L A D I E S ……oh yeah dude….the prestige!!!! The MONEY!!!!.....Mom ….Dad….How can this go wrong??....... Seriously???
I was sitting at the mixing board at a show in Chatham when I got my shot. In the middle of a song the drummer busted his snare drum and heaved it over to the side….I LEPT up and grabbed the manager ‘”I KNOW WHERE THE SPARE IS!!!!!!” He looked and me and said “go kid”…. I rush out of the auditorium, run back stage, and find the snare drum case……I burst out on stage and hand it to him….panting and full of stage fright. “thanks man…..you saved me!!!!” yeah dude…...cool…….saving the day…a medal of honor, newspaper articles, tv interviews……..all for me………….not really.
Soon after that I got offered the job. A boys dream come true………I……………..turned it down. I was/am a fantastic drummer. What I wasn’t……. was a good student. All my friends were going to college next year and I was barely on the graduating list……a failure…..….yeah dude …..be a drummer……..thats a GR…..EAT plan……

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust

Bring it………bring your failures……we all have them…..like I said …..my list is long. Life is tough on people these days and it makes me sad to think that people are gauged by successes and failures…..but reality trumps all and so that’s the way of the world…..in the face of that truth….I still get to play guitar around town and my education has served me well….so Im not sure failure has marred me as much as it has made me a strong man. The HopIN is…..…gone but I don’t think my luck would have been any better working 11-7 at 7-11.

A tool box, the pink house, and a false alarm at the farm

2009-10-05T06:29:00.000-07:00

It was………..as close a call as I dared play and survive intact dude…..definitely a toolbox and skills to match….she was…….smart…….with………..serious eye candy . Friggg!!!!!....... Oh ….I admit it … I was buyin it…..and I roll with no brakes …….What ARE you doing dude????? Are you gonna watch the road or WHAT? What kind of idiot rolls with NO brakes???.......Im OK aren’t I……yeah……..you AL…….MOST bought that…..the check was in your hand…..Dont lie….you were GONE………..…OK….OK….OK…Now I cant take credit here.

And you can't build a house of leaves
And live like it's an evergreen

Yeah dude ….the pink house had no brakes either ….you almost bought THAT too……late nite drankin………no dude …. when you came to the pink house you were DRANKIN. I woke up one nite to the sound of my answering machine buzzing and popping……playing backwards and then forward….then backwards again….. ???????...... I got outa bed and picked it up…it was soaking wet……. OH MAN…someone probably spilled a beer on it.….. So I took it in the kitchen and spent about ten minutes cleaning and dryin it ….hoping it would work in the morning…..
Back to sleep I went….. still buzzin from the party. I woke up when I heard someone in my bedroom pouring a drink out ….. WHAT ??????.... I turned the lights on……. There was a buddy of mine pissing all over my nightstand…….GR……….EAT…. Now I knew what happened to the answering machine…….
Pete and I lived in the pink house. Yeah dude it was pink…..Why? Because Jimmy needed a place to use the penis freeway. That’s why. Renting a pink house was certainly better than buying it……Eventually Jimmy hooked me up with ……..“buy the farm”…… girl. Buy the farm girl and I didn’t last very long……Buy the farm girl was….. oh…..20 ……….and wanted kids……..like……..right now……I mean RIGHT now….…today if possible……..
Our first time together was our last……
I was not going to buy the farm…….. lets call the sale off………..you can take it off the market……. at best I would be renting for a while……I was in sheer PANIC mode for 31 days……..I can hear the stories now….. “well son ……that SOB sperm donor that was your dad lived in a pink house and played drums for some band…before he skipped town 20 years ago and left us with nothing……and we haven’t seen him since”…….. yep that was going to be my legacy….

People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised

Bring it……….bring a farm worth buying…...The divorce rate is kinda high...NO?.... I am NOT for sale…...I appreciate friends who speak up and warn me…. I don’t know it all so a little help from my friends goes along way. I am a rock of a man. Running would be easy …….but I earn my titles… say what you mean….mean what you say….…… I called her and told her it was best for us to wait until she was free…. Small smile…..…having your cake and eating it too?????..... Buyer beware dude…buying a house doesn’t make it a home…..you can paint over the pink all you want…..if you bring me something …….. your heart better be in it…… LOL I know the difference between renting and buying…..and when I take your hand….. Ill KNOW ….the market…she is a changin……..I have a bit of home improvement myself…….. I might just need a hammer…….

New math, round 1, and the unprepared kiss

2009-10-01T07:43:00.000-07:00

I had Mrs. Grey for Algebra 1 in high school. As a freshman I was concerned with everything BUT Algebra 1. Wrestling started soon…… getting a date was near impossible…..I couldn’t drive yet and there was no WAY I was going to pay 7 dollars a ticket to see Heart when they came to town. Yeah dude I was ……...distracted. So I was ……...impressionable. Glynn would come in to math and ……..….sleep. He had like …..…a full time job and was dating a SENIOR…….yeah dude……Glynn was busy. We got to talking about Christmas and I asked him what he was getting his girlfriend he said….….”well……a stereo, a fur coat, some jewelry……the list went ON dude…...I JUST….. stared…… all that? …….for one girl? .. Blink.. blink….This was in early November and I was really feeling the squeeze of bad grades. But have no fear…..Glynn had the answer. “A few more weeks and it’ll be Christmas break……..…we don’t have to study.” He laughed….….I listened………we failed. Now I can’t take credit here.

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control

Fast forward to yesterday....Im at the gym…..it’s back day and my body is JACKED. The Boneyard is CRANKING and ALL I can think about is how strong its going to feel to run THROUGH a linebacker, FULL punishment……and………..I see her car drive by. I heard she WASNT coming. …..??????....... she pulls in back so as not to be seen because she knows ….shes TAKEN…..I hit the door with Godsmack ………THUNDERING in my ears and walk over…the window rolls down…”Hey” she breathes her words softly and tilts her head shyly. “I couldn’t help it”. A small smile and her eyes just BEAM ......and we talk a bit…… shes.......fishing……..dancing……………..testing…… “Aren’t you cold?” her hand runs up under the front of my shirt and maps my chest slowly. “No”. We talk some more and mind you …..we have not EVEN kissed yet. I told her I wanted our first kiss to be alcohol free and a shot of tequila before my workout insured that it would not be tonight. “Do you want some gum?” ….. I DON’T…… see ……..the bait….. “sure”. She takes two pieces and puts them in her mouth and says “ok”……. I……. fall for it….I pull her close …..her eyes close and my hand is under her hair …..a thumb tracing the curve of her ear…her breathing rhythm ….changes …all…her….control is …..gone………completely ……. and she is submissive to the soothing motion of my hand on the back of her neck. And…… …..I STOP. …… The world ……comes crashing back in pieces. She has to go…… tells me she wants a hug goodbye and steps out of the car. I hold my ground and she is instantly up against me, her eyes and hands …..follow my shoulders …and……. She purrs ……out loud with approval….. hungry,,,….. big eyes…. We kiss again and her body responds ……..without speech….. it cries for more …..all of the sudden she is underneath my clothes gripping my ASS which tightens like iron and I ……..STOP.
I ……….. am ……not …..pleased with my actions…….we say good bye. I text her a smile a few minutes later and the reply comes…. “you fell 4 it…Ur losin your touch…Mr toughman! Oh yea Ur a nice kisser!”. Yeah dude …epic trey logan FAIL.

All in all it's just another brick in the wall
All in all you're just another brick in the wall

Bring it……….bring another round. Its NOT over. I got game……the second half is ALL MINE. Glynn and I did fail math that year. But I did make it up in summer school and I CRUSHED calculus. I may get a bad grade when I’m distracted...... Makin a C is .....ok…. But you better be ON your toes cause Im NOT that freshman anymore ..…and given the chance….. ill school ya on just that. The email the next day comes in....Right on time... "Did I scare you off?" ………there’s the bell…….…class is in.

Broken shackles, a parachute, and the drifters

2009-09-29T10:14:00.001-07:00

I have mad skills dude…..seriously…if you want it tiled, built, rebuilt, shingled, or wired I AM the fushizzle……OK …so theyre old skills…..but I AM a guy…so I like solving problems…… For the past few weeks I’ve been having a problem. Im a rock…..thats the problem….rocks don’t make good parachutes…..but they DO make excellent stepping stones…..
Shes……..pushing ……ALL the right buttons……..dude is this chess?.....no don’t think so….battleship?...no…..marbles?...no……………archery? LOL…I must have a bullseye on my back……shes singing very sweetly…softly…. …shes dancing very seductively…..shes still…….. taken……maybe I should be focusing on the music instead…..Now I can’t take credit here.

Its the same old story
Same old song and dance, my friend

We used to go watch the drifters at the harvest house of all places. I was typically the only white guy there. But the music really brought a crowd in....lemme tell ya…they didn’t play just oldies ..just a couple of their hits then…….earth wind and fire, Rick james, the commodores, parliamnent. For our little home town it was a PARTY…..Every two weeks when they came through. After the show we would all go back to Leos and party till the sun came up…..then crash…….After a while I lent the drummer some of my cymbals and would bring my bass to jam some…. Out of the blue the lead singer one day cornered me…….. “Do you want to go on the road with us?” …..ha ha ….…wait …what?..... “Youre a great bass player man, do you want to go on the road with us?” …..youre joking right…..I mean…you HAVE a great bass player……”Its not working out…..were having problems”…….
I looked around to see who was listening….. “You know I’m white….….right?” ….he looked dead at me……..”Man……. music aint ABOUT color”……I was silent……He said .”I like you….and you can PLAY……. Think about it” .....
THIS was a problem…... go???......stay???? FRIG!!! I cant just GO dude!!.....How can you NOT go dude???.....
To make a long story short……… I turned it down…… I couldnt jump without a parachute…..or have a solid stepping stone…….I had a good job and in the end old school practicality won out.
But right NOW ……shes testing……me…….and Im much stronger than the caveboys shes accustomed to…… older….smarter……
Her A game surfaces quickly…..the oldest tricks are the best ..no?....her body language is …..intoxicating…….and …..her eyes swell…..softly pleading…….daring me to make her submissive……..the finesse and prowess of a snake charmer…. breathing deeply and slowly……. Shes TAKEN…..

Said love aint the same
On the south side of town
You could look
But you aint gonna find it around

Bring it…….bring a leap of faith. I have……mad skills….but I am not……..a willing parachute…..or a stepping stone…..Love isnt built on broken shackles……A song and dance in chains is……….nothing to a rock. The band is playing……..what’l it be?? This is the last song and dance…….my friend.

late nite yes, hamsters, and the undertaker of love

2009-09-28T06:17:00.000-07:00

Working at HoJos as a dishwasher didn’t really offer much in the way of wooing the ladies…….So when I saw her I had to be real s t i l l….. ..and wait for her to leave. I walked up to Debbie and asked….”Debbie…...crinkled nose………who was that?” Oh that’s my sister Anita……silence….Debbie looks me up and down….”why?” …….my head tilts just a little bit…”shes ……….very……. pretty”. Eventually I roped her into going out and the first thing she did was punch me in the arm…” I was all sweaty and wearing a TRACK suit that day you goof”………….we got along GREAT........ But I killed it and didn’t figure out what I’d done until later. Now I can’t take credit here.

Maybe I think too much but something's wrong
There's something here that doesn't last too long
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine

In forth grade my hamster died. Bear with me…….he stayed downstairs which wasn’t the warmest place in the house and I went down one day to feed him and play a bit and there he was……… all stiff…..…eyes closed. ……AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!.............Im jumping up and down ONONONONONONO!!!!!! I get him out and run upstairs to the kitchen…. WhadoIdo?whadoIdo?whadoIdo? I get some warm water in a medicine dropper and give it to him…………nuthin……..milk!!! give him some milk!!!!! I get some milk and put it in the dropper…….I give it to him and ……….he sputters…..HES ALIVE!!!!!!!!!! So I keep giving him drops of milk …..for about 2 hours…...he sputters but he’s stiff as a board… later that day I buried him out back in a shoe box……...in the rain…....with a little prayer….……Bout…..mmmm…….6 years later I’m sitting in biology class and the teacher starts talking about how some mammals like bears can hibernate…….”you mean like hamsters?” …… “yes Mr. Logan”…..”like…...when they get cold??”.....”yes Mr. Logan”………fan…….tastic….. I buried my hamster………..alive. It was a bit too late to do anything about it at that point. Yep…… messed that one up……
Anita and I hadn’t been together very long when I made the mistake I couldn’t fix. We were downstairs at her place late one night and EVERYTHING was going……………great……until………..I hear this yes song come on the tv……we’re kissing and Im …………listening to the tv……things start to get a little hotter and heavier.....and Im……….looking over her shoulder so I can see the tv…......its getting HOT and INVOLVED.....…....and …... yeah dude……your messing this up…what ARE you doing dude??? …..your gonna kill it…….your going to bury it in the backyard………...get the shovel……and…..and……yeah dude…its dead……you killed it…..things weren’t the same after that……..Oh I got to see the yes concert…….thats ALL I got to see……….

I take for granted that you're always there

Bring it………bring some common sense……. I could use some. The HoJos is gone and Anita is happy and married…….Thats one I killed before it got started…and yeah….. gotta couple of loves I had to bury in the backyard because I was just NOT thinking right. But I refuse to be known as the undertaker of love. Nowadays love dies easily. Schedules….kids……bills…..wandering eyes and booze ……....make time for love, if you don’t youll kill it………..and I still have a lotta livin and lovin left to do.……. One thing is for sure……..every time I hear a yes tune I smile ……..…just a little…..

Slow cookin, foreigner, and the game winner

2009-09-22T05:36:00.000-07:00

Looking back on what I call 8th grade love….. it was nice to see the world with a heart that was uncomplicated…….sweet….and honest. What else would you want love to be? Girls pick up on the courting rituals much faster then boys…..sadly I cant say this is a good idea……a twelve year old girl might get unwanted advances from older boys….but a twelve year old boy isn’t used to being approached by older girls…..I’m lucky …there is this window that I keep open…….its just too nice to shut and I still go back and see the view there from time to time because it gives me comfort. Untainted…….pure…..complete with butterflies and heart pounding……yeah dude……breath in the sun and drown in love…… go ahead and laugh…..I chuckle myself too.
Its not until you’re a little older that courting takes a left turn. I starting dating a girl from high school when she approached me years later, CUTE lemme tell ya, but it’s just this type of bitter taste of adulthood that makes my window stay open…and my eyes…..Now I can’t take credit here.

Head games, always you and me, baby
Head games, 'till I can't take it anymore

We go out ….we have a GREAT time! We set up the next date….I call…she’s busy…. A month goes by…..she calls….…we go out ……we have a GREAT Time….we set up the next date…. I call… she’s busy… a month goes by……she calls…..rinse……….. repeat….. about …..oh…..10 THOUSAND times….. yeah dude...its funny……I can laugh NOW but I just did NOT get it …. This went on for YEARS dude!! Years I SAY!!!.... fool me once shame on you fool me 10 thousand times……well……..i was being slow cooked....a crock (pot) is right.
I’m like most people…..I don’t like my heart played with……what kinda game IS this??? Dude......what IS that smell??.....Oh thats your heart roasting.....There MUST have been something WRONG with me to continue giving her the benefit of the doubt. Well…….. ....Im guilty…….... Ding Ding Ding!!!!! Your a winner!! Dinners ready!!! Come an git it! I can’t say I’m devious or smart by nature…..BUT…….when I finally DO get an idea…….its a good one.
I make the call. We catch up ….and then…….. game on

ME: how about Saturday?
HER: Oh I have to go to my moms..
ME: How bout Sunday?
HER: Oh, my moms coming over here

Small smile

ME: How bout Monday?
HER: Oh I have to work late……
Me: How bout Tuesday?
HER: Well….. I have to get my car looked at

Bigger smile……………. I DONT stop…. loving every minute of it.

Wednesday? Thursday? Friday?........I continue……….for 2 weeks…….I can hear the stress in her voice running out of fake excuses …clearly she’s getting embarrassed having been caught……..and having seen the light I’m not the least bit upset….…. finally she says she has to go…… One month later …..I GET the call……right on time.

HER : How bout next Friday?
ME: well…….Im kinda busy….How bout ………..I call you? …Small smile .......game ....set......match....

It's high time to draw the line
Put an end to this game before it's too late

Bring it………..bring some honesty. I still like games ….Im not proud of everything I do and yeah I’ve played my share. But the grownup world is so hard on peoples hearts ......and thats what makes love so important……..it’s the one thing left that’s hard to find but really worth sharing. lemme tell ya.....I would rather have my butterflies and hand holding than a worthless, shallow head game..….oh I still like foreigner but you can play that …….all by yourself.

Physics, suckers and smoke in the mirror

2009-09-19T06:02:00.000-07:00

I’m…………….having a problem. Right NOW……..Yeah dude……….uno grande problemo……shes ………taken….for now………she says…..but that doesn’t stop chemistry from going BOOM! Now does it? No dude…she has……..soft eyes…… and it makes me smile slightly EVERY time I look at her……her voice is far too soothing and….…dude ...reality trumps everything……. Yeah ….I know…BUT SHES TAKEN…….. You can dream all you want…….wish REAL hard……..juggle on a unicycle……I don’t care……..SHES TAKEN…….you might as well…….pretend your going on that shuttle mission…..or playing the lead role in the next Spielberg flick………yeah dude….your WASTING………HELLO??....WASTING YOUR TIME. Be a sucker or a fool…..your choice….take your pick……you can have either one…..take your time….think it through…..Now I can’t take credit here.

Stuck between a rock
And a hard place
Between a rock and a hard place

I’ve been a fool before……..A sucker too. There was this other girl…….we both fell……....chemistry??? No dude….….physics……An atomic bomb went off the very first second we met. I kid you not. The VERY ……..FIRST……….. SECOND. No choice……no decision……BOOOOM!!!!!! I remember that moment clearly…….completely….. BLISS…..JOY…..LOVE…….PERFECTION……PASSION…..UNBREAKABLE WHOLENESS……RIGHT HERE………RIGHT NOW….yeah dude the search was O…….VER……….O V E R ……
She was ……..…taken. .......FRIG!!!! The next few months were no less than …….torture……… FRIG!!!!!!!!!!! SHES %$^*# TAKEN!!!!....... You’re a fool….no…you’re a sucker…..WHO THE ……$@&*#% CARES??
Make no mistake…we felt the same……..Night …….Day…….together….apart……a friggin NIGHTMARE I TELL YOU!!!! And finally……….we decided that she would move the rock……..neither of us could stand it any longer…......she would leave her husband.
And then…….
Everything changed……I kid you not…..Instant flatline. She was 40 years old and I asked her when she wanted to retire. She smiled at me …BIG eyes……..and a grin that would make the grinch who stole Christmas envious slowly spread across her face and she coyly said “41”. …………….shes on her third marriage now.

Give me truth now
Don't want no slam
I'd be hung drawn and quartered for a sheep
just as a well as a lamb

Bring it………bring openness…….I know what smoke and mirrors look like and I did pretty good in chemistry and physics……. I still ………….have a problem though ……right ………now….. Her eyes……. move me and her long blond mane steals mens thoughts and draws jealous fire from all women who see her. She is sweet and demur….. and I am …....a sucker……..or a fool. She is TAKEN……. I have never felt sorry for fools. Suffering fools makes me…….angry. I am just not sure whether being a sucker is all that much better.

The water bed, joe cocker and a weekend track star

2009-09-17T10:04:00.001-07:00

Pam was sweet………and well …….endowed…….Dark, long hair and lovely dark eyes. Her mom was a jewel too. She was still living at home when she gave me the news “my mom says you can sleep over”…..Until then it had been late nite makeouts on the living room couch……an lemme say I was good with that…..so when the news came I was ………scared????.......embarrassed????? ……yeah dude………..her MOM said I can sleep with her DAUGHTER……...over night…….....in……....the waterbed……. Gee willickers……...I mean…..
So shes DRAGGIN me into her bedroom literally ………and the business gets going…..…Im FREAKIN cause her moms in the NEXT room…….THE NEXT ROOM……..…..ogodogodogodogod………be quiet…..omanomanoman…. sssshhhhhh……..Now I can't take credit here.

feelin' all right, oh oh
I'm not feelin' too good myself, oh oh

Eventually the hormones get the best of me and I… CENSORED ……and she…CENSORED………..and then we….CENSORED..some more……..until…..we collapse in full sweat…….her head on my chest , her hand on my arm…….just enjoying the moment….
I reach over and…………….there’s the CENSORED spot……..we rest……hmmm pretty big……..I am………a MAN. A few minutes later my hand hits the same spot again….hmmmm that’s REALLY big……I am a BIG MAN!!!!!.........we rest………a few minutes later…….I feel something wet….. I reach over and the spot is……. HUGE!!!!!!………..I m not THAT big of a man…..what IS that??? The lights go on and …..…….the water beds busted……….oman………….OMANOMANOMAN!!!!…..…we throw on clothes and start rushing around…..Im running through the house like a professional track star on fire and the house is ALIVE with us rushing to the hall closet, to the bathroom , tearing the bed apart…….and I meet her mom in the hall….WHATS GOING ON?????....I stop ……cold………...I have this …..…..blank stare …UH……….…….…..Pam pushes between us…”the waterbeds busted mom”………all the blood runs out of my head……….and her mom hands me a stack of towels......

Seems I got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dream
Imprisoned by the way it could have been

Bring it……..Bring …. a place to stay…… cause I am NOT going through that again……..Pam and I had some really good memories but I was young and shallow. Pam was……...well……..endowed….. and we were so comfortable together that her frame caught up with the rest of her. I felt a bit out of place and my attempts to change things weren’t effective until………… we broke up. We talked a few years later and had a good laugh when she ribbed me that I never got to see her after that “cause she was HOT!!!!!” and everything was good between us….. but from now on…….. I think ill just stick to my sealy posturepedic

Boston, the YMCA and pennies in the pool

2009-09-15T05:45:00.001-07:00

Who doesn’t LOVE the water??? All those opposed need not bring it…You’re excused. Yeah dude…I lived in the country and I learned to swim at the YMCA. Inner city kids in their underwear and some of them in the buff….no joke dude. My mom was banned from the local pool because she left me in one of those big ass cribs and I had pooped and spread it all over everything including myself. . BUT…….
By seventh grade I was a fish….I don’t remember who told me that Jennifer thought I was cute. JENNIFER?????...REALLY??? WHO TOLD YOU THAT???ARE YOU SURE????REALLY???..... but I spent the ENTIRE summer trying to get her attention.
This would NOT be easy. There’s like ……COOL high school guys….…big guys….like……...with cars. I’m supposed to compete with THIS???
OK …challenge accepted. I swim the length of the pool…..underwater……DID SHE SEE ME???? HUH???.....DID SHE SEE THAT??? Im buying people ice cream…..I got that cool new towel…………..nuthin…..
Alright ….that’s IT….I’m upping my game…..I’m getting at least …….10 pennies off the deep end bottom…….yeah dude……im…..pressive.
I dive in ….and crack heads with Jody……somebody pulls me out…....then there was the time I thought it would be cool to spin around on the diving board and get all dizzy before I went in….I fell off and hit the concrete……….
Clearly my courting skills needed some refining….who was I kidding?......they needed an overhaul….
A few years later I get…….…..the call. Party? …. Jennifers?....... Parents gone? Dude I am THERE. Now I can’t take credit here.

I'm gettin' ready for a party tonight
Yes I'm gettin' ready to cruise
And if you've got somethin' for me
I've got somethin' for you

By now I’m life guarding AND driving. Ok dude..its sink or swim. I take the car….put the top down, crank up the foreigner…. and race over there…….everyones around back so I make my dramatic entrance…….I drive ACROSS the yard and around the house…….. shades on.....music blarin. Its wet so the car starts spinning so I give it more gas to keep it going. ….by the time I get around back everyone is staring and there is mud flying, music blasting and the car just TEARS up the lawn. I rev the engine and it sinks deeper and deeper until it finally comes to a complete stop……………total silence…..….. I will NOT be swimming today….. In fact I will be sinking……..I feel like sinking…..yep Im sinkin…….got that part down …..I finally got her attention

Baby, it's a party as long as you're there
It's a party, party, party!

I turned the music off…… It took everyone pushing to get me out of there. Its ok. …..That relationship sank but it wouldn’t keep me from jumping back in.
Bring it……bring a flotation device…..if you can’t ….Ill share. I’ve learned its good to be ready ….just in case someone wants to swim. ……breaks over!!!!!!

The orchard, the silver barrel, and barnyard love.....

2009-09-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

Dude I am just NOT a runner. Oh I’ll run if a car….. or my exwife is chasing me…Nowadays it seems like you have to run everywhere…. Life as an adult seems to require it…..I know ….football requires running…. Im good with that….I love sports…I just have to have a good reason to run….. In in 8th grade I got one.
Jody and I would camp out in my backyard that summer. It was fun…flashlights, comic books, peanut butter crackers. Beyond my backyard was ……the apple orchard…….beyond that was……...the party. The sun was setting behind Tinker mountain when we stepped out of the tent and stared at the orchard. What WAS that sound???.....Dude what IS that????? Its…..its….the doobie brothers??????? In the ORCHARD????? ……..When it was almost dark we snuck out. The music got louder as we crossed barb wire fences and wandered through chest high weeds…..Now I cant take credit here.

Down around the corner
A half a mile from here
You can see them long trains run
And you watch them disappear
Without love

Finally we step out of the orchard into…….a sea of TALL people………ogodogodogodogod……..I admit fear on the threshold of freedom, and its clear my childhood will die………. tonight. The altar of manhood is a no turning back, one way ticket and the world of my boyhood is to be sacrificed here…….right now.
We wind through the packed crowd. Faces flicker in and out from the bonfires dancing flames. Some guy pumps a beer from this silver barrel and hands me a big plastic cup. He smiles, and I nod in genuine appreciation……my voice squeaks and I yell....THANKS DUDE!!!!!
Doobie brothers is right. The air is full of this unfamiliar smell and every sip of beer makes me frown and half gag. People LIKE this SHIT????? The band is playing on a flatbed trailer….. Butchering tunes so unbelievably loud you have to scream everything AND read lips!!!!!
An hour later Im sitting ON the silver barrel, pumping out golden fun for all the lovely L A D I E S….oh yeah dude….Im buzzin. Somebody grabs my hand and pulls me through the crowd. Suddenly Mitzi and I are dancing and kissing……..MITZI???? ……….MITZI????? She leads me to the barn and we start making out…the world is whirling now… everything is perfect……..until somebody spins me around…….its Jody…… TOOFA KAY IBBA POONA FOOBLE!!!!!!! Wha??? …..POONA FOOBLE!!!!! I look over his shoulder and see my mom’s car moving slowly through the crowd…….ogodogodogodogod….OGODOGODOGOD!!!!!! I stand up …..and immediately fall over. I stand up again and start to run …..….sideways….my arms outstretched like Frankenstein……..omanomanomanoman…..the earth shakes and the crowd bounces…. A complete blur….
The orchard is pitch black and when I look at the stars the world spins under me as I run …blindly through row after row of trees ….panting and full of panic.... I don’t get sick until I realize………...were lost……fan……tast…….ic…... I fall over in the weeds….and my head fills with puke…..
Time passes and I wake up in the tent ….my mom says “where have you been??” Jody and I both roll over and sleep till 10 in the morning.

Where would you be now
Without love

Bring it…....bring some goody powders and some coffee. As an adult I’m always running so I really love this memory…I still could probably use a good run….and a sleep in till 10!!!!!.........The apple orchard is no longer there…..but I still like my fun.

The call, the trash, and love at HoJos

2009-09-08T07:16:00.001-07:00

Dude …..I got the call…….yep….this morning…..yes I warned her…..you know I did…..3 months into the marriage and she is already talking divorce. We talked about it for MONTHS….months I SAY……late night…..cell phone batteries dying….she said she was sure…..I said………it didn’t matter what I said….she wasn’t………. listening…….goofa me tooble….. snoff a poppa IBBA kibby foot ….. k? Garbage in……garbage out. Now I can’t take credit here.

Got a call from an old friend
We used to be real close

Lemme tell ya……takin out the garbage at Howard Johnsons was NOT fun. Ofcourse it had to be done at the end of the night and on a Friday……payday….. when you had a date and it was the LAST thing to do…….you were in R U S H mode……By this time you stunk from the sweat and hot dishwater that soaked you in between running to bus tables. Wet from head to foot the dishwashers would do their best to be invisible to the waitresses that still looked HOT at evenings end. Which was hard considering you stunk and were carrying 50 lbs of dirty dishes ….every time you they saw you. The floor was a slip and slide from the sloshing and stacks of hot plates would burn you as you slid from place to place cussing out your friends who were working at blockbuster. So Chad and I are wheeling out the trash to the dumpster and I stand behind him just to be safe. He pulls out this overstuffed bag full of disgusting waste and gears up to heave it into the dumpster. On the backswing…….. the bag EXPLODES…..ALL OVER ME. I am covered, and I mean COVERED in leftovers…..I am SOOOO pissed ………..and end up puking and laughing at the same time until my cheeks and side can take it no more.
It was ok. Chad was my male soul mate and my date after work was my female soul mate Valerie. A change of clothes and life was good again. Valerie and I got some beer and laid out in her driveway and we both looked up at the stars while I stroked her hair. Casual, playful talk….. Sweet smiles…..I can…..SEE …..INSIDE her when she stares at me…... Completely at ease and nothing could have been more perfect.

Chad died in a car accident. Valerie died from some prescription drug…………………….They’re……both…………….…gone…………

I’m crying as I type and my world ……..just………….stops.

Ah, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it's okay to wake up with yourself
I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm alright

Bring it……..bring…………..what matters. The girl I gotta call from has severe kidney problems…….for starters. Her marriage is already a mess. Now a days people are anxious to talk…… they have financial problems, emotional problems, coworker problems…..marital problems. I like to be heard too. I also like to listen. Nothing pisses me off more than to talk and have someone NOT hear me. Garbage in…..garbage out…...Riiiingggg……………...Hello?