Romance, the stars, and the Zagnut effect

People give me flak for spending a lot of time at the gym. “Youre overtraining” “you need recovery time” “why are you here all the time?” hehehe …yeah dude. I admit it…… I work out pretty hard. One thing is for sure. I like results. One thing I do NOT like is NOT getting out what you put into something. That’s life I guess. Some things don’t always produce the results you want, even when you put in the effort. Ya know? School, work, kids, marriage…...I can see how romance gets trampled under the modern foot….Yeah dude…. All things being equal I can see how romance has the deck stacked against it…… So I like going to the gym because I know I will get out of it what goes in. I think its interesting that other people don’t see it this way. They see it as “overtraining”. I kinda see it as dedication and commitment. Now I can’t take credit here.

My love must be a kind of blind love
I can't see anyone but you.

I like that formula. Effort = Results. You can’t say that about everything. I have this ………program….. that works really well in the gym. I’m not OCD about it…but it definitely works…. So I stick with it.
There’s this one guy that comes to the gym all the time and he…..just doesn’t get it. He pushes…he pulls…he lifts….but he’s the same size he was 2 years ago pushing the SAME amount of weight he did 2 years ago. I really want to take him aside and explain what’s wrong with his program….because it pains me to see him put in the effort and get NO results.
The same thing happens when I diet. People always say “you cant do that!!” Really?.......watch me……3 weeks later I lose the weight and people still have the bad sense to say “You cant diet that way”…… Really? …I just did….. and the weights GONE…..what’s wrong with this picture???
I’ve always said… if you want to be smart….do what smart people do….if you want to be rich …do what rich people do…… if you want to be thin…… do what thin people do.
If you want to be in love…do what people in love do…..yeah dude Im a soooper genius. If your taking relationship advice from your girlfriends …who are on their third marriage….consider the source……please.
I want to clue you girls in on why guys aren’t that romantic. Ready????
No one showed them how. Echo..…echo…...echo.
The total amount of relationship advice a boy is given by his father is “turn the wrench to the right to make it tighten and left to loosen…got it? Rightey tighty lefty loosey….can you remember that son?
At no point in time during the football game does dad turn down the sound and say “son make sure you don’t yell at your wife”. Dad apparently yells at the redsocks… and when the mower blows up……so…...were told its ok to yell.
Girls are playing adult when they’re six years old. No wonder your’e ahead of us! Lemme say point blank now that this is where there is always some girl who comments “I didn’t do that”…….Bull…all you girls have played school, teacher, cooking or dolls at some point in time. You may be a tom boy, climb trees an all but you DID play grownup at ONE point in your childhood. I cant STAND it when someone says “not everyone did that” yes I understand your point… 0.2 % of the population REALLY hammers your point home. There goes my theory ….yep……right down the drain. Don’t know WHAT I was thinking ….girls and dolls….boy was I wrong. Chuh……..right. I call this the zagnut effect. At NO point in time has anyone EVER said “yeah…….while your in there …….get a me a zagnut” As soon as I proclaim this….50 people stand up and go “Oh man …..I LOVE zagnuts and I say that three times a week!” Bull $(%)^.
Where was I?.......Oh yeah…. Guys just don’t have much in the way of real world role models for romance. So we don’t really have much to go on. What’s worse I hear women say “he should know what I want” Wow…now THATS a recipe for communication success. Men are supposed to read your mind and know what you want. Women are better communicators? Im not so sure. Romance FAIL. I’m not too hip on the idea that my love life is tied to my ability to mind read. If so ..…I’m in trouble..…and so are you.

Are the stars out tonight?
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright
I Only Have Eyes For You, Dear.

Bring it………..bring something in your eyes. You can read all the romance novels, watch all the soap operas and new moons you want… but if you don’t help us with what turns you on …….we’re just going to continue getting poor marks in the romance department. I’m lucky. I get it. I like being a rock… and I like the feeling of making my woman feel safe and secure. Taking out the trash without being asked….. and not spending the extra cash on some more video games. Hehehe. But I had to figure that out on my own. I’m not complaining. It’s a great place to be. But think about it. Where is your man going to get a lesson in what romance is??…..…unless its from you.

The tango, a snow man, and a bag of bones

Oh man did we GET some snow. Its making things difficult. Beautiful….but difficult. Yeah dude…. I have NOT done my Christmas shoppin yet…… The car is snowed in and may not come out till Tuesday…..not good…. Christmas is coming SOON! I walked 3 miles to the gym and back on Saturday and spent 5 hours….walked again to the gym on Sunday…..New ankle weights and the snow turned the trek in to an exercise…….Oh well….when it snows…..make a snowman I guess.
I have several folks on my mind lately …..all having a rough personal time with their lovers. All for various reasons but… its hardship that’s proving tough…...testing…….questioning……..doubting……..is it over? How do I handle this? What now?
The good times are easy.
Suffice it to say some handle the pressure better than others…. But handling the pressure doesn’t fix the issue does it? I like being able to hit curveballs but if I don’t run the bases what good is it? Now I can’t take credit here.

Under pressure
Under pressure

Dude I am not the best at pickin up the pieces but two things come to mind. 1) What am I doing to help fix the problem that’s within my power (if I can save this thing) 2) What am I going to do now because ……its over. Yes….I AM a sooooper genius…. Aren’t I? LOL. But tell me ...if this is such common sense then why is it that people drag on.....revisiting the same questions with no resolution...over and over.?
I have to laugh because for our anniversary I bought my wife dance lessons thinking it was romantic and fun. Im half Italian so I was ready to pour the hot blood with a rose in my teeth. ..learning the Charleston, big band music…the two of us arm in arm having a good time…..learning the tango……well…it takes two…the money was wasted…….we never used the lessons….. Just like the bicycle built for two… I bought one for another anniversary thinking it would be romantic…. Her response? “why didn’t you just buy two bikes?” LOL……Romance? PASS…….Partner? FAIL.
When I went to take my SAT’s on a Saturday morning I was….. unprepared. Yeah dude…NO tools in the tool box. So I wasn’t looking forward to the experience and getting out of the car I………slammed my thumb in the door.
“YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!” …..A………MM……MM…..A……$%&@! I could barely speak…my thumbnail black and blue, swelling by the second with pressure from the blood. I had to hold it over my head to keep from passing out and I stumbled in to the testing area, dazed. One arm permanently frozen ……above my head.
Question was…...just like my marriage…..what was I going to do now??....... Grit my teeth and go on. No choice.
It wasn’t pleasant…it wasn’t fun….but when I resigned myself to the fact that there was no alternative… I got peace……I got comfort. The results weren’t pretty but I KNEW I would survive…..NO question.
I’ve had relationships that were very important to me go bad. Question was…what was I going to do with the bones? What was I going to do to make sure I didn’t feel bad THIS weekend? next month? Next YEAR?? I don’t want to be reliving this ONE MORE TIME. What good would come from carrying a bag of bones around for a year?
Its OK to grieve….that’s normal….the end of love stinks for sure. Get it out. Let it go. When we were in marriage counseling….my ex-wife wanted some pills to help her through it…the therapist’s response? "No…..you need to feel what’s happening”. LOL She was very good at avoiding A LOT of things (she had another Dr. prescribe stuff anyway). I’ts ok …it was ALL beyond my control.

Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love

Bring it…..…bring your best. I hear a lot of folks talk about the other person when they’re breaking up. It’s NOT about the other person. Its about YOU. If it’s beyond your control….let it go. Trust me… you look a lot sexier without a bag of bones on your back. I can think of other things that would look good there! Hehe.
I can meet you. But I can’t walk through the snow AND bury your bones. I could. But I wont. And waiting till the snow melts? …..If you do...well…then ....my beauty its just………..water.

Parade rain, sour grapes, and PD's of A

Cool dude. I like to see people happy. What a good feeling. Ya know?? Gonna speak ma piece here. Its probably gonna hit some folks the wrong way. So….be prepared!! And I have to admit I don’t like being the voice of dissent because I really have a problem with letting people around me down, or alienating them because my thoughts are a bit different. Yeah dude that just gets me down. If youre sellin sour grapes.....I'm not buyin. I tend to try and see those things that we have in common because for me there is comfort in that. REAL connection is almost a drug…… ya know? Nothing feels as good as when I GET YOU…… Connection to someone else is very satisfying. That’s why communication breakdown and failure is interesting to me………Now I can’t take credit here.

There have been times in my life
I've been wondering why
Still somehow I believed
We'd always survive
Now I'm not so sure

Public displays of affection. Im ……for it. Sorry. Go ahead. Say it…..…..Say it……. .EEEYOO……. YUCK……..GET A ROOM……DO THEY HAVE TO DO THAT? …..IM GONNA BE SICK……
Yeah, Yeah….I get your point. …. I think….. You have sour grapes and would rather rain on someone’s parade cuz YOUR love life sucks………..haha …wait ….what?...... That wasn’t your point? I missed it?
Ok then what WAS your point? …..that….they ….just….um…shouldn’t…….um……do that….in public…yeah…...YEAH, That’s my point!!! Because……..because….I shouldn’t have to see it!
Lemme hang it out there. If you have a problem with that then………I agree….you have a problem. They don’t. Do you think for half a second that two people deep in love give a flip about what you don’t care to see? Case closed.
Excuse me for having feelings. I mean...my love life might suck too..so I understand ...but you dont see me raining on someones elses parade.
I talked to a guy the other day and asked him how his marriage was going……to my discredit I half expected the typical answer. Instead I got “ Good……..its good…..I mean ..we have our differences …but the good times far outweigh the bad”. SCORE dude. A drink of the good stuff. I was glad for them, ya know??? Love??...PASS...sour grapes?...FAIL
I spend A LOT of time in the gym. Its trash talk and testosterone on the football field. Head butting, shut the F(&^ up and HIT somebody……hurt them if you can mentality. I’m a running back so I’m THE target. So I welcome a taste of the good stuff.

Are you gonna wait for your sign, your
miracle
Stand up and fight
This is it
Make no mistake where you are
This is it
You said that maybe it's over
Not if you don't want it to be
For once in your life, here's your miracle
Stand up and fight
This is it

Bring it…………bring that connection that only love brings. I understand if you have sour grapes over hearing about other peoples bliss…its hard when the love train isn’t stopping in your town... but to me sour grapes is really just wine in disguise. Your time will come. Nothing makes me happier than to have someones head on my chest …all curled up where the two of us fit together from head to foot. Real intimacy doesn’t come along very often…. Yeah I’m a sooooper genius…But every day you pass that up……when it shows up.….. Cuz your stubborn, protective, scared even…….makes me want to frown. I know it can be hard to be flexible but …. just don’t hand me sour grapes. Instead I’d rather you be ready…..
Cause its hard to beat love in the shower while you drink southern comfort from my hand. Whats wrong with red, white, or a merlot?....nothing…. ill be happy to take a shot of Jack if you promise not to bring sour grapes…….another round for the house ifya please!

Barb wire, the ghost, and a crash and burn

Yeah dude. Some things just do NOT go as planned. Think about it. Education, raising kids, career, health, marriage (LOL)……..the nearly second marriage (hehe) Ida done it again. What you expect isn’t what you get. Yeah I’m a sooooper genius. …. Were the same. You and me. I’ve put my best foot forward….…and fallen flat on ma face. Well……. no ones perfect. Every once in a while something does come along. And it FEELS…………. perfect. Thats why 8th grade love has a real hold over me. Just ONCE it would be nice to not crash AND burn. Cuz nuthin else seems to go as planned. Even this post……. I couldn’t seem to pick and choose what parts of this song to leave out…… ..because its exactly the way I feel. Its perfect just as it is. Now I can’t take credit here.

There's a letter on the desktop
that i dug out of a drawer
the last truce we ever came to
in our adolescent war
and i start to feel the fever
from the warm air through the screen
you come regular like seasons
shadowing my dreams
and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in minnesota
at a place that you could walk across
with five steps down
and I guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me
and i start to drown
and there's not enough room
in this world for my pain
signals cross and love gets lost
and time passed makes it plain
of all my demon spirits
i need you the most
i'm in love with your ghost
i'm in love with your ghost

It was 10th grade and I had just gotten my license. Oh yeah dude…time to IMPRESS all the lovely L A D I E S…………My first date with Brenda was…….my last date with Brenda…. y…….eah….. It didnt go as planned. Not….AT all dude. I kinda ……..talked my way into it.. She wasn’t real interested. But I don’t back away from a challenge easily. I’m dancing, Im singin, I’m telling jokes, I’m ……….making a fool out of myself. It’s like a bad vaudeville carnival act on espresso……and a five hour energy just to make sure I maximize being retarded. I just could NOT act normal around her.
Where was I?
Oh yeah…… so…. she agrees to a date and I plan on continuing my barrage of bad timing and juvenile jokes to the sound of crickets crying…….
But this time I have…..the FIAT. Oh yeah dude… what girl can resist the top down red Italian convertible? I spent about 3 hours polishing and vacuuming every square inch.
I cant lose……..or so I thought.
I tortured her for about 3 hours. Exhausted, I had tried every stupid trick in the book and in the end I was racing to get her back home …….just to end it. I HAVE GOT to get this OVER with!!! Mayday! Mayday! I’m going DOWN!! CAN YOU SEE THESE FLAMES? GOD ITS HOT IN HERE!!!! IS ANYBODY WATCHING THIS? OH….GOD….…. MAYBE I CAN CHANGE MY NAME…… MOVE OUT OF STATE….IS THIS HOW PRISONERS OF WAR FEEL?? …..OH PLEASE MY SWEET LORD…IM BEGGING YOU…...HELP ME!!!!!……JESUS WAS ONLY ON THE CROSS FOR THREE DAYS….THIS IS GOING TO LAST …FOR…….EVER!!!!
So I get her home and the awkwardness is almost over. I keep the car running and put it in reverse while she gets out. She waves goodbye and I gun it…………miss the driveway COMPLETELY…… going backwards….. over the hill……. out of site…… and crash into a barbwire fence.
Per…..…..fect.
I turn the stereo off….
And sit there…..
“ARE YOU OK????”
“yeah…...I’m…..….. fine……I……….how bout you?”
She comes running down the hill.
“are you sure?”
“I’m…..…fine……thank you.”
“I don’t think you’re going to be able to get out of here without driving along the fence.”
“I’m…..yeah”. I was looking straight ahead……. a blank stare……the car…pinned up against the fence. She was talking….
“ifna s upa foo tay kooble pooma fee..........pooma fee??”…but I just wasn’t listening. I started the car up…….put it into gear and……
The sound of raking finger nails down a chalkboard was deafening….. the barb wire SCREAMED……taking all the paint off the side of the car as I went…… finally……I made it up to the road………and I……. just kept going.
Yeah dude …..date……FAIL.
That did not go as planned. Crash AND burn.


dark and dangerous like a secret
that gets whispered in a hush
(don't tell a soul)
when i wake the things i dreamt about you
last night make me blush
(don't tell a soul)
and you kiss me like a lover
then you sting me like a viper
i go follow to the river
play your memory like a piper
and i feel it like a sickness
how this love is killing me
i'd walk into the fingers
of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity
i've never been this close
i'm in love with your ghost
unknowing captor
you never know how much you
pierce my spirit
but i can't touch you
can you hear it
a cry to be free
oh i'm forever under lock and key
as you pass through me
now i see your face before me
i would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island
as the sand beneath me slips
as i burn up in your presence
and i know now how it feels
to be weakened like achilles
with you always at my heels
this bitter pill i swallow
is the silence that i keep
it poisons me i can't swim free
the river is too deep
though i'm baptized by your touch
i am no worse than most
in love with your ghost

Bring it………….bring love that’s effortless. Yeah I was jumping through a lot of hoops. For what? Some things just don’t go as planned. I’ve tasted love that’s effortless and I admit…….. I miss it. Crashing and burning just is NOT fun. But I learned a lot from it. Be myself first. Leave the sophomore tricks to the sophomores. Been there…..done that. But I do my best to learn from a mistake. And this was valuable dude. Really. It cost me a lot to get the car fixed but it was worth it in the long run. My next car was a piece of crap sunbird, and I learned a lesson there too. Everybody crashes and burns….but I’d rather drive than be a passenger…....you comin or what?

Homecoming, the whip, and the milestone

Yea dude! I reached a milestone! A revelation! A rite of passage! I broke 100 posts! Of course I missed the actual 100th one… (LOL that’s typical)…this is like 102 or something……The bad news?? I might start doing some reposting….LOL. you know how much I like revisiting my past!!! And I’m probably going to be posting less often…. Im sorry because truly its nice to have all of you along with me…and I love reading all your blogs!!!!!!…I just need a little time to refocus……..wonder if we will get to 200 posts???……LOL something to look forward to!! So for now I’m dancing a little jig!
When I was senior Sonya invited me to go to her homecoming dance…..”really?......are you sure?” I got this “are you talking to me look”….. my head …..sideways….. like a puppy.…..”yeah…that would be great!!” I’m thinkin…..What in the world is a rich, good looking girl from Northside doing asking me to her homecoming dance?? …. Fever??.....Did she lose a bet??...... wait a minute….. this a joke ….right? I mean someone dared you to bring a hick to the dance…..or something….
Now…….lemme say that ….I LOVE music……and when I say LOVE….I MEAN IT!!!! My dear followers…Ifn ya only knew how much money I have spent on guitars, basses, drums and keyboards over the years you would certainly die from sticker shock….. AND……even though m a guy….…I love to dance……..Now I cant take credit here.

When a problem comes along
You must whip it
When something's goin' wrong
You must whip it

Now…...none of this would normally be a problem…….except we end up IN the dance contest……..Now…Im going to date myself here…….Back in the day we had…….FUNK. Earth Wind and Fire, Rick James, LTD, I mean….. whos gonna NOT like Parliament-Funkadelics????
Where was I?
Oh yeah……. So….we get into the FINALS and ……….Nobody of course knows who I am cause this is NOT my school!!!!! So…… its turning out to be a GREAT date….Sonyas all jazzed cause shes with Mr mysterio……… and we’re down to the last two couples….. and me???? Im NOT worried….. this is going to be a night to remember BOY!!!!!
And then……………….
The DJ starts to play……………..whip it……….
by DEVO……..
ogodogodogodogod………
I look over at the DJ and all the blood runs out of my head……
What in THE #$%# … is…. this …..#$^&@ ing ….. Sh&*???????? You CANT dance to this??????? can you? Can you dance to this??? OMANOMANOMAN..…. Im just……...standing there. Sonyas…… STARING at me……
True story……..Sonya SCREAMS…….. “DO SOMETHING!!!!”
SO………
I start flinging myself around ….flailing my arms like an idiot……. I look like a chicken….. that’s being electrocuted……...seriously. Im clearly…… in pain… because I HATE punk…HATE IT……..Im flinging myself around the room like a schizophrenic epileptic……. Im having a seizure…..…Im fightin myself….Im seizing ….Im fightin myself…Im seizing AND fighting myself at the same time. I look like Im possessed……..by three different, clearly disturbed and uncoordinated people who failed anger management class…….
Finally.
The music stops………….. I think.
Im covered in sweat.
About to pass out from panting.

We lost……..
I don’t remember what happened after that. I think she rushed me out of the gym lest they stone us just on general principles alone. Yeah dude……..Good time….FAIL.

I say whip it
Whip it good

Bring it……….bring a sense of humor. Even if you’re the butt of the joke. I promise not to make fun of ya……Im not too cool with that. But I do love a good laugh with someone I care for. Now....I STILL cant stand that song......so I might not bring out a whip but it would be nice to hold my love down and make her forget about a hard day with just the right amount of slow increasing pressure, in the right place and...........then............hold.
The adult world has enough seriousness anyway. Bills, work, raising kids, a bad economy, scarce jobs and gas prices are enough to ruin your day so you better bring sumpin home that will bring a smile or a laugh. Now Im not saying I want you to put on some DEVO or start doing standup….…but it might be nice to be pelted with circus peanuts for a change………hehehehe!

A suitcase, new snow, and the history lesson

Yeah dude the first snow makes it all new again…….cool……We got our beautiful white blanket this weekend. Cleansing. Clear. Fresh. Cold. Prisitne. Untainted. ……..You can almost HEAR it falling.. Yeah dude. Wonderous………..Dreams of Norman Rockwell indeed. Im with ya……Its nice to have that kind of feeling. That you can start something over. It only seems fair. Ya know?? Like a “do over” in kickball….Its nice to be able to begin again.
Truth be told… I ……..I…. can dish it out but sometimes I .........have to work HARD at taking it. Im not an advocate of armchair warfare its just…. I sometimes can’t seem to practice what I preach. So trust me ……this lesson is for me dude.
Now I can’t take credit here.

Then you love a little wild one
And she brings you only sorrow
All the time you know she's smilin'
You'll be on your knees tomorrow, yeah

Dumper dumpee….cheater cheatee……hehehe….. however it ends you would think there would be something valuable to learn about a breakup. When youre the dumper its always about what was wrong with the other person…….. but think about it….when youre the dumpee…its still about how the other person was at fault… something just doesn’t add up about that. I mean .......It cant always be the OTHER person....…I guess I would be kinda hacked off too if after every break up …...it was the other persons fault. That would make me….jaded…….cautious……protective…….hesitant to let anyone in. Does that sound familiar?? Oh yeah…..I’m carryin baggage today. I’m guilty. I have to make sure my past doesn’t ruin my future. It doesn’t make sense for me to look for love only to stare at it from a distance when it comes a knockin.
Now Im not suggestin you don’t pack your bags or bring your luggage… I mean you can’t very well do without your past. But there is much to learn that I overlook. Do I pick abusers? Do I attract selfish people? Why cant I spot a liar? What is it about ME that might need a fixin? Am I complete by myself? Why am I a sucker for brunettes?? hehehehe ……
Every break up is a chance to start clean. I need to take advantage of that……..new snow is a chance to take the coat out of the baggage and enjoy the view…….Besides I don’t like the idea of stuffing my suitcase full with bitterness or jealousy. Why would I want to carry that around with me? Who would want someone who carries that around? If I need my suitcase I better be bringing something for good you. I like that idea much better. So I best be learnin from my mistakes.How does that quote go? “Those who ignore the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it.” Yeah dude…..History class….FAIL

You go back Jack do it again
Wheel turnin' 'round and 'round
You go back Jack do it again

Bring it………..bring some more snow. It’s a chance to start over. Yeah I can carry my own bags but…….but then what would I hold you with? ….pack light for me will ya? They’re callin for more snow……

Love, 1845, and sending in the clowns

Dude…… you know how Im big on motivations? You are going to like this post…...really! I am going to demystify something very important…….Ready? Why is the divorce rate so high? I’ll tell you RIGHT NOW.
Its because people in modern western society marry for love……. ??????......... what was that again??.....L O V E. When the love is gone there is nothing else to hold it together. Now I cant take credit here.

Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.

I want you to follow me closely on this. Pretend its 1845. Why does a girl in 1845 in Iowa get married? I’ll tell you why. Shes 14. and the man she marries is the boy who lived close enough to borrow his dads horse and was within RIDING distance of your house and could take Sunday afternoon off to meet you AND your parents on the front porch of the house. Read that again.
How many guys do you think come by? Be serious….. 3? ….. Maybe? What if they were all ugly? Theres a darn good chance….. have you seen pics from that time? No hot showers…….no regular baths……..razors….makeup and hair supplies….. Oh yeah appearances were NOT stunning. In fact theyre downright frightful. So now your parents get to choose which guy your going off with...not you...and its…between the two that showed up…. ….. you may not have EVEN kissed the guy yet!!!!! Hows that for match making???? You did NOT pick and choose as you wished.…..Read that again.
So now your married. Living on a parcel of his folks land. The kids come quick. 2, 3, 4, 5. How many people do you see a day? ……. Ready? No one other than your husband……No internet, no PHONE …..no CAR!!!! …. NO CAR!! The nearest neighbor is at least 10 miles away. There is WORK to be done around the house…..the daughters are with you and the boys with their dad in the field. There is NO walmart!!! You don’t go to the store except on Sunday. In fact you don’t even leave the house all week!! And no one stops by!!! Do you realize how long and far it is to ride 10 miles ON A HORSE.???? THERE ARENT EVEN PAVED ROADS!!!!! YOU SEE NO ONE!!! NO……ONE!!! Read that again.
NOW….is all that sinking in?????? Visualize this world…….Hey just divorce the guy if you don’t like him anymore!! Come on……. just give him back the ring and …….and……what? Get a job? Wrong……there were no jobs for women…. Period. NONE!!!! Heck you cant even read or write..... Take the kids and get an attorney!!! R……ight……Get an apartment!!........where? They have apartments in rural Iowa?……r……ight….you didn’t EVEN own anything other than the clothes on your back that YOU made. No TV, No texting, No computer. Is this picture getting clearer?????? Love had NOTHING to do with getting married. Read that again.
It made NO difference whether you loved your husband or not. You were NOT getting divorced. Period. He worked the land and brought in dinner. You prepared it and mended the clothes….ya old, stinky, no toothbrushin hairy leg thing you…….You wouldn’t even live to be 40 years old!!!!!! It didn’t matter whether he beat you, you didn’t like him, or he stayed drunk all the time. Hows that for fun?????? You think you got troubles NOW????

Just when I'd stopped
Opening doors,
Finally knowing
The one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again
With my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.

Bring it………..bring some magic for the show……… People get divorced now because when the LOVE wears off there is nothing left to hold it together. That’s why a happy relationship is built on MORE than love. More than his choice of car. More than his height. It survives because its kind and thoughtful. It survives because its based on respect and care. …….If this is a circus, then I want someone I love next to me…so give me your hand …….send in the clowns.

Bed making, a gander, and Waskeys Mill

Goose? Gander? Does it matter? It does in my world dude!! ……you make your bed…so…..dont poop in your own backyard……if ya know what I mean. ....Wait.......Im getting confusing again.
I’m gonna wrap this subject up (finally!! Trey) … I just do NOT like double standards..….and of course nobody seems to like a cheater but I can think of one instance where it might …..might mind you ….be ok. I’m not sayin its right but…….If you start a fight …...expect some bruises. That’s my motto…..Yeah this is the kind of preaching NO ONE likes…….In fact I have to swallow my own medicine……..so don’t take any of this personal…… I’m there with ya.
I used to be hardnosed and thought that cheating in any form was bad…… and there certainly is a right and wrong way to end a relationship but……if your partner is running around I………wont crucify you for leveling the playing field. If someone plans on cooking your goose then get the gander knife ready.
My thinking has changed on this subject over the years. If your partner is cheating you don’t have a relationship to save through martyrdom. In a perfect world the cheatee would just get out the relationship with honor intact and then date. Its NOT a perfect world. Whatcha think? Now I can’t take credit here.

Wondering if I've done it wrong
Will this depression last for long

The snow is coming down heavy and Jody, Mark, Buck and I are to hold up at Marks house….Miraculously, everyone’s parents are out of town. But first …....provisions. Waskeys Mill is THE place. Now…….I’m only sixteen…….as a starving wrestler I…….do NOT look old enough to buy beer. I can barely see over the counter. But always the risk taker and danger be damned so…….
Waskeys Mill was this little country store no bigger than my bedroom. Waaayyy out of town. I didn’t have a fake ID so if this backfired…… plan B was to run into the woods. So I pull in and the place is empty….the floors are wooden and creak when you walk. BOTH isles are packed to the ceiling with everything from radiator belts to loaves of bread. I control my breathing and walk to the back… omanomanomanoman….. I pick out a twelve pack of miller and struggle to get it to the counter. With both hands and some body english I heave it up and slide it back to the old man behind the register. …..OGODOGODOGOD…… I slide a ten dollar bill across… looking like Max, the dog in the Grinch that stole Christmas…..blink…. blink…... and wait for him to pull out a shotgun. Instead he gives me back some change and I …….exhale…. pull the ton of beer down and stroll out ….trying to carry it like a man ……..without bending over to one side. I reach the car and …..its ALL good. I am the KING TONIGHT BOY! “Who bought the beer?” “LOGAN???” “yeah man…no sweat.”
We drink. We crank the Aerosmith. We drink. We fix spaghetti. We drink. We throw up spaghetti, we…….pass out. The house is a wreck. Indoor snowball fights. Puke everywhere. Somebody knocked Jody OUT. O U T. Out. Needless to say we all got in trouble.. You make your bed…you lie in it.
Where IN the world are you going with this?
Well……is it still cheating if the marriage is in tatters and you already know your partner is cheating? I know I’ve been in that box and…….Im glad Im divorced. If anything I plan to get a call from her current husband one day and hear ”man is she a cheatin bitch or what?” hehehehe. Seriously. Do you blame someone for looking for comfort after their partner has ruined the relationship? Im not sure that I do. As a PI, I saw a lot of folks in pain but nothing, and I mean NOTHING pisses me off more than a guy who IS cheating AND treats the wife like a possession. Some women have a philosophy of “keep the peace” or backing down to avoid a fight…..If your so blinded to not see the truth about your cheating spouse just to keep the dream alive……its possible you might be an enabler….Im just sayin. You know those relationships where you “did everything he wanted” and it still didn’t keep it together? Well…..not many men enjoy shooting fish in a barrel.

Where have all the good times gone
Where have all the good times gone

Bring it………bring some sause for the goose. Of course it works just as well on the gander. I don’t think anyone likes the idea of cheating… but that only seems to hold when youre the cheatee…..but I have to say that if your spouse is cheating….. I got NO problem these days with saying I don’t believe in double standards. Staying with a cheater only hurts you !!!!! Yeah Im a soooper genius…..If you lie down with dogs…. Making the bed isn’t going to keep the fleas away. It might just be time to start the broiler for gander instead.. Now…….whos hungry?