whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Wrestlin, dancin, and the tiny tool box



I will say Im a willing participant in this joust of self inflicted pain……to my own discredit…. Yes Trey youre a sooooper genius…..just …not very smart.

I mean…how is it that Im looking for a dance partner and pick someone who is lookin for a fight? Either I gotta learn how to fight more or dance less. Kinda frustrating when you hear the music..….start dancing…….and then get punched. I gotta get a better agent.

I gotsta rememba…..you can lead a horse to water……. but apparently you cant make it dance. Maybe that’s the problem. I thought they said hoedown…….. not…….. smackdown.

But in the end its gunna be ok dude. Now, I can’t take credit here.

I never knew
I never knew
that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run
when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be

Over my head indeed. Maybe so…...underestimate me and I’ll just…… swim underwater.

When I was in 7nth grade I started wrestling. The sport was new to me but I liked the thought of one on one battle. I don’t back down easy. Lemme say ahm gettin old. I cannot remember this guys name. We were on the same team and in my first tournament we got matched up somehow.

Fan…….tastic.

This is the guy that’s been wrestling like……for…...ever. Everyone on the team is rootin for him cause hes the veteran ….I think he even had a moustache……which is pretty damn intimidating because I didn’t even have pubic hair at this point……my threat to him? A squeaky voice and 78 pounds of terror……..in tights. At this point I really hadn’t had enough experience to really know HOW to wrestle. As usual ……growin up like I did……..nobody showed me shit.

I mean……I had seen wrestling on TV….souplexes…… ya know?........ toe holds and stuff…….

My plan?.........if he’s holding onto me…get away…..and then …….uh…..grab him.

I was literally shaking…………and sweating….. I didn’t know what panic really was……...but I felt like I was going to piss in my spandex. And this was BEFORE we started.


All of a sudden

THE WHISTLE BLOWS!!!!



I am………the Tasmanian devil on crack. Im yellin and pullin…..im squeezzin and pushin…..

I cant breathe….

I cant see……



I cant tell whether hes got me or Ive got him. Were rollin around on the floor. Were up……were down……This goes on ……..and ON…….till right before I was going to puke…….the whistle blows!

I think……

All I know is…I collapse and……were not tangled up anymore.

I wobble to ma feet, crosseyed and the ref holds up my hand.....



I WON????????



Haha wait what?

YougottabekiddinmewooowoooyeahmamanIwonIwonIwonIWON!!!!!!

Cool dude. Its nice to make your mark. Later on that day the state champion took me aside and said. “You did good man…he was a good wrestler”.

Yeah dude…. win some……..

…….And lose some. I remember losing to some skinny guy that only threw ONE move. He landed on me and rode me the ENTIRE match. I couldn’t get away and he never tried ANYthing. I was pissed beyond belief but that’s the way it goes.

I would later get the nickname clay pretzel.

On the upside I’ve been playin a lot of guitar lately and think Im going back out to play round town. I’ll say it, even at the risk of backlash. Music’s been a better friend to me than any woman ever has. Yeeoooch….

Seriously……. Before you think that reflects soooo badly on my attitude…..consider that its also a reflection of what partners have crossed my path. So Im sticking to my guns …its 8th grade love or nothing……..its my blog and Im not seeking consent on the issue.

I definitely have enough energy for round 6. I like to win. One thing is sure…. When you take the high road…you don’t have to look UP to anyone. However if this is a fight……good guys finish last…..takin the high road alone sometimes doesn’t get me the dancing partner Im after. I may have to get home another way. Make room on the low road.

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and it's effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

Bring it……….bring your best shot. You cant hurt me. You can only disappoint me. Having game is one thing……hell I got game too…..but when it’s the ONLY tool in your love box…… I think ill be changing sports…..…I kinda I do like a level playing field so if you bring fire to the dance………I might just surprise you with some flamethrower skills and save the dance for someone who deserves it.

Underestimate me at your own risk. I WILL play the hand Im dealt so if I cant bring you close enough to dance up here….then a fight down there it is…..I love a good tune to dance to but make no mistake Im bringing a coffin and some nails so don’t try to bluff me. I know how to use them. Bury me? Not a chance……they’re all for you. Ill enjoy the music after you’re gone. Love? PASS