whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Friday, March 25, 2011

A guys fairy tale, the clan chief, and the first taste of outside linebacker

Yeah dude……first day of practice. I’m….m o v i n g s l o w. Bruised ribs …..which is……fun. My hamstrings are wound up like steel and my right knees lateral ligament didn’t tear like it did my first season but it definitely pulled and ….let me know it didn’t like blitzing the quarterback… My first taste as a linebacker was…. A compliment from the coach as far as Im concerned. But Im pleased with my form. Winter training ….hasn’t paid off yet….but it was worth it…..Ahm right where I want to be. Been pushin to the threshold of injury….. not smart, no option, not complainin, just………..sore all over. Heal up …hit em again.

Some old faces “sup dawgs” and fist bumps….some new ones..…cocky and full of shit. But truthfully..…..the team doesn’t look like it should this far into preseason…at all….ahm not happy bout that……speakin ma piece is better than bitchin fo sho……and I told the coaches so. Instead of signin their contract I told them Id be back at the end of April to see how theyre shaping up. Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do. Guns? Check. Gonads? Check. Godsmack? For sure. I grabbed my gear and strolled to the car…..Small smile…. Don’t assume I’m going to think like the average man cause I sure as hell don’t perform like one. Now I cant take credit here.

When the hound dog barkin' in the black of the night,
stick my hand in my pocket, everything's all right.

Just got paid indeed. Gunna apologize upfront again for rambling. Lately my posts have just tidbits of things here and there bout relationships that I think are interesting. Im in a good place right now…. I am …….a lucky man….big smile…. Its nice to be happy in your own skin.

Gotta friend whos datin a woman waayy older than him (Dolly Partons sister actually) . He takes a lot of ribbing from his friends but he says it’s a real relief when they go out. Shes a self made woman…..mature. She doesn’t need him for anything other than the relationship. So he doesn’t have to worry about her using him for money, position, status……….ya know ya know? Makes sense to me. The love train doesn’t ask “what can you do for me?” The love train wants to know if youre heart is right ….. then….. you can ride. I feel like pushing baby hungry ring hunters in front of the train. Hehe Smart Idea? PASS.

Yes Trey Logan … you are a soooooper genius.

A guys fairy tale. Once apon a time…… a handsome prince asked a beautiful princess to marry him. She said “No”……..and he lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and slept with skinny big breasted blond girls half his age, and hunted and raced cars, and drank whiskey and stayed out late and never heard bitching and never paid child support, and never got cheated on while he was at work and he had tons of money in the bank and he left the toilet seat up. The end.

…….Really…..really…… small smile…..

I was reading an article called something like ”The one secret they don’t tell you about marriage” and the gist was …… when the marriage starts out …everything is of course the best….eventually …………..the arguing sets in. At some point in time it leads to questioning if they made the right choice for a partner. And you know what happens after that.


It takes two to make it work

It takes one to screw it up.

I was thinking bout communication the other day and I know women are professed to be better at it than men. Most people tend to say that womens claws come out when you group them together in a pack ……but guys don’t seem to do that.. Wanna know why? My guess is that until the second world war when women in the western world started working in factories, women didn’t work in groups. Go back in time and I think women were spending their time at home with the kids. They never had to work together en masse so that dynamic is a bit new. However guys, have been going out as a group for centuries to kill a boar and bring it home for supper. We have always had to work together to get things done. Remember we like sports. Football field? Battlefield? Theres always been a clan chief, captain, quarterback, and rules to follow like in the military so were used to structure and hierarchy. Its part of the history of “manhood”. Its only been recently that women have been afforded positions in the church!!!

Not sayin men make the best choices but……..

In the past women really weren’t involved in things like politics. It was all guys. So men are used to being in an organization…..were just not organized. LOL

All women I run into say “I get along better with men”. Its funny. They ALL say that. When you ask why …..women confess that “ cuz women are mean and backstabbing”. Of course these same women want to know where are “all the good men”. Which is a perfect fit. A mean backstabbing woman and a good man. Now that’s a recipe for…….well…….divorce I guess. Of course people don’t always say what they mean. Those same women that swear they want a good man are attracted to bad boys…… Lucky for me. LOL

just got paid today,
got me a pocket full of change.

Bring it……….bring it when its ready. If its not ready then I don’t want it. Peddlin somethin when Im not interested wont get you anything. Its nice to be happy when you aren’t even thinking bout the love train. Mmmmmmmm S’ok….ahm still smilin. Three weeks till State championship and I……..am ready.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

An ole dawg, tornado scrabble, and the 3 year glitch

Yeah dude…….s’all good. …small smile. Spring training is …….good. Success FEELS good….. ya know? ya know? State championships are about a month away and if I have a worry its that I cant keep my weight on cuz football training tends to make me lose weight……… so I really shouldn’t complain bout that. Whatcha think?

We really seem to have a problem here
But it is you or me
Whatever I have going through my mind
You always have to disagree

You know Im right indeed. Hehehe. Bein an ole dawg ……I have a hard time understanding relationship tactics of the young and reckless. I know bad means good and sick means cool……..but ….. I need help when it comes to mixed signals……. Maybe its just me….but if your concept of self changes with the wind……..stay the…….HELL away from me. I like reading how my lover thinks. If your confused about your own thoughts then how am I supposed to read your mind??? Hehehe I’ve met a few that seem to think reading like a game of scrabble in a tornado is a man trap. Its not. If I get signals that make no sense it doesn’t make me interested. It makes my head hurt. Just sayin……

Ahm gonna demystify sumpin bout selfishness. Guys are bred for it. Im not sayin its the best quality to have but it’s a quality that men need in order to be successful from 9-5. Problem is we don’t turn it off so easily when we get home.

Understandably most women roll their eyes if they’re husband is selfish or greedy…. and that they hate that part of him.

But we need that part of our personality to bring home our share of the bacon….

Growing up we want to be soldiers, Winston cup drivers, football and rock stars. At no point in our training does the pit crew say “that’s it…your doing great……….stay in last place.” NASA never gets on the radio and says “you forgot to take the trash out……no sex for you when you get back to earth.” We train to be in first place. We don’t readily understand what it means to step aside. No man fantasizes about doing daily household chores and we don’t play school for fun when were young. Not all women but ahm willin to bet most have, at some time, played “house” ya know? or school, shoppin, babys, teacher……… In truth what you girls were doing was pretending to be an adult……you were playing adult. That’s why youre so far ahead of us boys. Trey logan you…… are a sooooper genius.

Think about it.

While your pretending to be an adult woman, guys are ……throwing rocks at trees.

That’s why we hear the phrase

You have to grow up now.

Its time to grow up.

He just needs to be an adult and grow up.

Im learning……….just slow. Hehehe.

Go back to 1839……just …….humor me.

In 1839 as a thirteen year old girl you were as prepared for adulthood as you could possibly get. For the last thirteen years you’ve been by your moms side all day every day….making soap, snapping beans, mending clothes, taking care of your younger siblings, making candles and frying bacon. You were ready for mother hood…..and when that period hit……….they farmed your ass out to the nearest guy that could borrow his dads horse on a Sunday and show up on the front porch for lemonade. So they had three guys to choose from. You weren’t exactly in love or romanced…..You married the guy that lived within riding distance.

Cuz make no mistake you were a mess. No hair care products. You didn’t shave your legs, armpits, or tootie. No dentist or mouthwash or makeup. Have you seen pictures from around that time???? Egads…….Hell…… your dad gave him a cow just to take you away.

Where was I?

Oh yeah.

No wonder boys are behind girls when it comes to this romance thing.

In 1839 the total amount of manhood lessons a thirteen year old boy got was…….”see boy…..when you pull the reigns to the left ….the ox goes left…..that make sense??” (spit tobacco)..…..and stuff like how to shoot a cow in the head.

“how to be a great lover” was not one of the lessons dad taught. So be patient…… we’re kinda slow.

If love involved ……crushing level three on Halo My son ………would be Romeo extraordinaire . But…….

He’s playing basketball again and its kinda hard to drill “team player” in a kids head when it’s a frenzy of flying limbs in a pile. I swear I could have choked the coach and his son. When the son got the ball (which was every play) he drove to the basket every time…right past his team mates. Didn’t matter if he made a bucket or not…he just ignored everyone else. I think kids are going to have it tough…when it comes to relationships. Im not envious. I don’t think the love train will be stopping for everyone.

So yeah…….I have a selfish streak. But learning when I need it……and when I need to bag it ……..are really worthwhile. Cause I want to be the only man that makes you stop breathing when he pushes you up against the wall and bites your neck. I have to be a little selfish to do that. MMMMM……

Im finding that although I know what I want ….I don’t know that younger girls know what they want ….or what I want for that matter. I think theyre confused and not even sure how a relationship is supposed to work. It’s a wonder the love train stops at all…so when it does….. do your best to take care of it… small smile.

I read where the seven year itch has been reduced to a three year glitch. By that they mean people are starting to stray from their marriages after just three years.


So much for till death do us part. Heck my car loan was longer than that….small smile.

True story. I work with this girl who got so mad at her husband she pulled a knife on him and screamed “remember when we said till death do us part??? Well guess what??...... Todays the day!!!

Relationship? FAIL

I think women have more to lose in a failed marriage than a man because they have built up the idea more than men do. That’s why women sometimes hang in there longer than men…they don’t want it to be a failure so they stick their head in the sand and wait for someone else to make a decision.

It's just a matter of opinions
It's not a simple fact
Why don't you try to see the other side
Don't turn your back

Bring it……..bring some understanding. I rather like it when everyone pulls theyre weight. I bet on you. You bet on me. I make you happy. You make me smile. Deal?