whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Friday, June 8, 2012

Little mouse on the prairie, gym dust, and the waiting dating game

Yeah dude…..the mad skills department is open and paradise is laden with innocence and smiles.  Fools die alone having waited for all that is important to come to the door.  And pride is a prison for one who holds their breath when every feeling in your body says……..breathe. 

Now I cant take credit here. At all…..

I tossed a poem to the sea
that took with it my questions and my voice
Like a slow ship it got lost in the spray
I asked it not to return
without having seen the open sea
and in dreams telling me of its visions.
Even if it didn't return
I would know if it arrived.
Travel the whole life
on the blue calm or foundering in storms
little matters the way if some port awaits

Dream of the return indeed……Yeah dude….gym dust settles on the weak ….and a lack of self awareness with a splash of  feeble mindedness are the sleeping companions of those who just don’t understand that you have to SHUT UP AND TRAIN.  Get off that stupid bicycle and grab some iron.  The look on your face ( OR LACK OF) tells me your not accomplishing ANYTHING.  Yeah dude…….you look like your watching an episode of little house on the prairie….


Working out should make your face crawl……like listening to black label society……on 10.

For the love of Gad ……please tell me you don’t look like that during sex.

Wheres the push?  The passion? ….The emotion?????  The goal isn’t to find what is the minimum you can do ….its to find your physical tolerance……and then some.  I hope your face in bed is not the same as it is in the gym.  The conversation went:

I work out 4 days a week……..for about an hour.

So lets see that’s just over 50%……if you count the days …if you count your hours in the gym lessee that’s …well…….4 hours out 168 per week…..ida know dude….im pretty sure that’s failing.  You give your girlfriend that kind of attention????  Im sure she appreciates that.

Its supposed to make ya feel like snorting tequila ….if it doesn’t …. Your doing it wrong.  When I pull your hair and you feel that pressure….just right …..and my hand wraps around your neck to turn your head and your body tightens so I can breathe what I want to say in your ear…….. I don’t think little mouse on the prairie comes to mind. 

SIDEBAR:  Been a little bit disenchanted with folks lately.  It seems I have to drag life out of those who think they   will   be   alive           forever.  Not so.  Death is permanent

and long

from what I gather.  Any arguments???  The unimaginative have chosen the shackles of compulsion and fatalism of dogma.  They are not for me.  Enjoy the pain of your world just……stay the hell away from me.  Dotting I s and crossing Ts is nothing next to love.

Back to the real world

Ah recently had a discussion with a girl who told me “it’s the mans choice to marry”.  I disagree.  Men chase women…women don’t chase men.  We are the hunters and the women passively decide who passes their tests and merits companionship.  Women don’t “Chase” …..  Men don’t get offers of marriage proposals …or potential lovers asking for their time…lining up for us to choose …..we don’t decide…….the woman does.  Because she has many to choose from.  Men don’t get to “choose” who they want…or I would have married jean triplehorn .women dont line up…. waiting to be chosen.  The woman makes the choice who she will bed with. 
I have a confession.  I do not like a woman whose dating tactic is to see how much work the man is willing to do for her affection…..that its his job alone to make the moves. While she sits and does nothing.  ( I think most women would deny they do this) As if how much he is willing to put up with is a test or measure of how much he loves her…… If youra waitin for me to do all da work ….wait somewhere else……been there …..done that....even if your a virgin....I can surely pass on that with ease.  

Keep your doormat test.

When was the last time doing NOTHING was a successful plan for ANYTHING???? You cant do that at your job…with your kids….with any problem….just do nothing and see if he is willing to do all the work….yeah…that’s NOT a plan for getting love train tickets.  The same is true in bed.  Women who just lay there don’t get another date.  Freedom?  PASS  Love train tickets?  FAIL

Submissive is sexy….passive is lazy.  And I can tell the difference.

RED LIGHT: if you don’t speak your mind in bed and play dead…then don’t be upset that your man isn’t doing what you want…. Uh… you didn’t tell him.   Sex is communication…..and mind reading is NOT communication.  Oh… I guess you could wait 20 years for him to figure it out……

GREEN LIGHT:  Teach him what you want outside the bedroom…….and inside……

For my son:  Im so very sorry Im not there.  I know what you are feeling.  Because I have been there myself.  

For my daughter:  There is no place to begin to tell you all the things you need to hear.  Your life was torn apart and I have always tried to let you know that I am guilty of not being around ….please forgive me.  Its true that you deserved better…and I don’t care if it rings selfish for me to say that I understand…….because we BOTH deserved better.

I waited so long for the message
that I forgot to return to the sea
and thus I lost the poem
I cried to the heavens all my rancor
I finally found it written in the sand
like a prayer
The sea beat in my veins
and set my heart free

Bring it………. bring the push.  Love happens when your not looking…sure…..but don’t WAIT on it.  …..Unless you plan to live forever. Set it free ...if it comes back to you its yours .....if it doesn't ...it never was....

Post script:   I have a confession…. this song makes me weep instantly………but only the original studio version with pat metheny and pedro aznar in portugese.