Preseason, a deadliest catch, and the storm chaser

Yeah dude….things ….arent always fun. Yes I am a soooooper genius. Small smile. Its easy to get a bit dejected when it seems like things take twice as long, cost twice as much, and last half as long as you were hopin for. Ya know? ya know? hang tough…im there with ya.

Ima sorry for that…..things just don’t go according to plan. If I had my way you would be close to me….your head on my chest. Some things are just ……the perfect fix…..Yes? I want to be that man that makes you feel good when things aren’t exactly rosy. Now I cant take credit here.


All our times have come
Here, but now theyre, gone

Don’t fear the reaper indeed. Been struggling with some sour luck lately but that doesn’t make me any different than others I know….small smile. A bit a hardship trains character so Im on board for a lesson or two that bends my will……..but as I see it there is light at the end of the tunnel. Bending is just …….part of the trip.

My salt as a man only seasons when the choices I make are on point …..when things aren’t the best. I rather enjoy (when it happens) NOT weighing life as good or bad as things happen …..but how I choose …… THATS what brings meaning. This is going to sound odd so bear with me…Im not saying I totally swallow the idea but sometimes changing the way I think makes things better…..so here tis…

..In life there it isn’t always a question of “good or bad”…..there are only choices. : puppy head tilt: I love the line in the movie the matrix where Neo says everything begins with choice. The response? “Wrong. Choice is an illusion created by those with power for those without.” Hehe what a Gordian knot we weave when at first we try to ….just make a mobius strip. In the movie seven, Morgan Freeman says “I know I made the right choice…but not a day goes by that I don’t wish I had made a different one”. Haha…..wait………what?

Trey ……..please…just get back to something that makes sense….

Where was I?

Oh yeah…..

Doing something kind with no expectation of reward is……..a choice…… One I Like. A man worth your hand should be no less. Big smile….and I got a chance to do so the other day and it was…….nice. Ah need to be doin that …….more often.

I know there are plenty o things that steal your attention away from what brings happiness. Bills, stress, work, traffic….and bills…… all conspire as a storm to keep your world so topsy turrvy that ……love really doesn’t have a chance ….unless the right person comes along and makes that world ……something you cant get anywhere else. Safe secure, soothing………calm .

So……… the impending storm doesn’t scare me….even if I don’t always perform like I want. But ….I do want to see the look in your eyes that’s says you SEE that in me cause I work hard for it….and to see a smile. When that storm hits I want you to hold on to me. Not shut me out.

I cant say Im easily understood…….or that im a pushover……yeah dude…its not called deadliest catch cause your lounging on the beach with a pole in the sand and a cold corona. Although ……….that does sound like a plan!

The best love is……..effortless

The best relationship ……..takes work.

So dealing with some unpleasantness is worth it if I get to bring out the best in my lover.
But be patient I don’t always get it.

Last year my lower body routine didn’t let me down....but looking back I know this year what to change. Too much a this and not enough o that…….training? PASS. Just …..not yet. Ah need a few more months…..Hehehe

So yeah ….Ah gotsta man up some more and push through cause this years looking better than ever! Even though I HATE this period of strength training….HATE IT I SAY!!! But just like Ive been saying, putting my head in the sand is no plan……that wouldn’t do well on the field …..or in your heart.
So yeah…..no choice…. I have to bring my A game…….. and so do you. The love train stops……right……there.

Come on baby
Don't fear the reaper
Baby take my hand
Don't fear the reaper
We'll be able to fly
Don't fear the reaper
Baby I'm your man

Bring it…………bring the light at the end of the tunnel. If you cant bring that…… take my hand and we’ll get there together.

The Knight, a new team, and frontside protection

Oh dude…..the self abuse director is …..IN. Ah needs me a few mo weeks a trainin to get ma football legs agoin. It’s the off season and I should be workin my upper body harder but I ran into a coach for another team the other day and he invited me to come down to practice. I happen to know the assistant coach from my days at the bruins. He congratulated me on my bench press record and told me about a few of my old teammates that got AFL contracts…… cool………yeah dude. That means I get to start training ….earlier than I want. Now I can’t take credit here.

There's a line, I can't cross over. It's no good for me and it's no good for you.
You say we've been like strangers, but I'm not the others you can wrap 'round your fingers……..
And I've given you my all, there's no more to borrow.

Get closer indeed. My workouts are much more result oriented these days….strength training is first. Then the agility and speed programs. Horse first ……then lash up the cart. Agility is nothing without strength first.

Our quarter back is getting a facefull of linebackers …….AND the D line. All day. Its NOT pretty. O line is folding and the running backs are ….NOT taking care of business. Finally…… Im in.. I plan to ….excuse me……WILL….. take out ANYBODY that even THINKS they are coming through. I hear the play call “pro right ……motion ….Liz…out…… wing bubble…….first number…..first number……..BREAK!

Im front side protection. …….Bring it.

I scan my targets…….The outside linebacker backs up to cover the flats …….and the defensive end is ………coming.

Or so he thinks.

I bite down on my mouthpiece and my legs tighten. My head is straight ahead ……but my eyes ………..are locked……… to the right.

The cadence…….. comes slowly…….from far away.

B…L….U….E…….


T….W…E…N…N…Y…..O….N…E

I …….have………… no fear.

None

He comes at me straight. This ……..is a mistake. I jam……. to meet him….. head on……..and his body ….jacks up in the air ……off to the right…..in slow motion.

I ignore him……. turn my back and …….head back to the huddle. Job done.

The rest of the game……. Defensive tight ends go flying. No one gets by……..Not once.

It’s a good day to be strong.

Strength is a good thing. I think people want to be strong (yes …Trey Logan you are a sooooper genius) and in the process of building that up…they find it doesn’t turn out the way they expected……. Working hard to be strong can mistakenly make people ……..hard.

Fan……..tastic

Nobody strives to be weak. So that same instinct you use to keep from getting hurt also makes you unavailable, isolated, and scared of losing your heart. Love? FAIL.

I know this all sounds like a dose of common sense. On one hand having some self preserving protection in place is a good thing but….. you take that TOO far and that….does nothing for a fairytale of romance and knights in shining armor. I mean ……when the knight shows up and you start explaining that ………..you don’t trust people because of your past….…and that you don’t want to bring him into your kids lives cause he might leave and …your really independent……..you don’t let people in….

Hes liable to ride off ……..…without you.

I like being strong. But not at the expense of keeping you at a distance. What good would that do?

Hehe…I realize that’s not the easisest thing to change. Its hard to let your guard down. I have some friends that tell me lately Im bein too picky.

Im not hard to please.

Just hard to impress.

I mean you DO want to feel safe and secure with my arms around you dont you?

If I am to be the only man that you trust to hold you down …..with just the right amount of slow…..increasing pressure….holding it…..just right…..so when you grind ……..you go .....boom…..in waves. Then you better be someone who is strong…but bendable…….strong…but giving…..strong ….but....open….strong ….but……...weak with need and desire.

Darlin' if you want me to be closer to you, get closer to me.
Darlin' if you want me to love, love only you, then love only me.
Darlin' if you want me to see, see only you, then see only me.

Bring it……..bring that comfort that satisfies like only love can. Being strong isn’t being made of stone. The love train only makes stops on the mainland. If you’re an island then you best start paddling if you plan to get a ticket.

Super balls, pearls on a pig, and emotional circus freaks

Gunna apologize right up front. You never know what the future holds….so I gotsta say Im kinda disappointed in masef for makin this blog a bit uglier than I expected. I don’t normally have bad things to say but apparently turning the corner on this purging process is rather ..….slow. But im doing my best to divorce maself from what I have discovered is a plethora of punkees in my midst. So I appreciate your patience in advance for listening to a broken record ….. cuz some of these folks just refuse to die. Now I cant take credit here.

I see you crying in the sunshine
I hear you laughing in the rain
You say you can't tell any difference
Between the pleasure and the pain

Desperate people indeed. Well….maybe just lost or misguided. Hehehe

The girl that unkindly offered to give me a $20, five mile ride called and wanted to know if I would cash a $200 check for her that would be good in two weeks. Then she corrected herself and said it would be good on the second of next month…then she said it would be good in two days. Mysteriously, our cell phone convo got dropped during the discussion and I didn’t answer any more of her calls.

One word………Balls

Got 2 emails from “Mailney”. The girl that was defriended on facebook for attempting to restart a new decade of punking. She wanted to know if I had left facebook and for me to contact her (imagine that) because she had some “stupid questions that needed ANSWERS.” No I’m not joking. Im undecided whether to seriously lay it out there or just ignore her. As in… “You were defriended and blocked from facebook because I dont consider contact with you to be honest or rewarding at all. P.S. Give your husband my condolences and ask HIM the stupid questions.”

I sent Tiny a heartfelt email expressing that I thought she was a fantastic girl and I was looking for a PARTNER. I was exhausted from months of lip service about wanting to see me…then ignoring my attempts to contact her. …that she wasn’t ready for a real relationship and that I wasn’t going to feed her ego anymore in the meantime. Four days later I get a generic 2 line email asking how was I doing and when was I taking her out for drinks. It wasn’t anything personal or special. Three days later I got a facebook message asking me to please come back home.

More balls…..

Im done wasting my time putting pearls on a pig so I responded in a tone that got a predictable response…….Nothing. Obviously shes angry I don’t want to “play along” with getting punked anymore.

The same thing happened with round 7. I sent a very heartfelt email about how I was hoping she could let those walls down..

“When I look in your eyes I know your trapped and I want so badly for you to see that keeping that door closed isnt security…..…it’s a prison. Once you come outside to be with me you wont ever want to go back in there ………..ever. ……And that’s where I want you to be…….with me…………..Im asking you……….. come with me.

I know you……..your not afraid of being hurt. You have these walls up to make sure that cant happen. What your afraid of is being in love.

……... I don’t want to break down a wall that you can build back up ….whenever you feel like it. I want you to fall in love with me…….. where there are no walls. You wont need them …….ever again…… “

Five days later I got back …….

“So what do you like to do with your spare time?”

Super Balls

I got game but this is more like a circus for emotional freaks. I just ……….DON’T have the ill will in me to punk back without remorse for being a jerk. Besides these girls are seasoned professionals. My attempt to punk back would be something like

You……..your……….hair…its….so……um….youre having a bad hair day …..so there…..ha!

Ive always said NO relationship is preferable to a BAD one. A bad relationship can be changed…....abuse cannot. What can I say?....I’m learning. Albeit slow. But……..

I was even punked by someone who called and said they could hire me …..if I would go get them some contracts!!!

Lemme say that again…

Go get us some contracts and then we can hire you.

Ball………less

Beyond this point I promise to end this rash of blogging nastiness.

I played guitar out twice this week……and had a fantastic time. I had forgotten how fun playing for a crowd is. I knew every request which is always gratifying ……yeah dude. People dancing and singing along. It’s a good feeling to know people like hearing you play. No lip service there. Hehehe……free beer doesn’t hurt either! Getting some repeat folks showin up sayin they come just to hear me…… big smile. Played some stuff not usually requested……Cat Stevens…..King of the road…….Rawhide……..After I finished three hours worth the bar owner picked his axe up and I sat at the drum kit and a few others joined in. Stray cats…....Zeppelin…….wild thing…….The free booze and backslaps keepa comin….. I looked up and ……it was midnight. Really?? I gotsta get home!

Been thinking ALOT about football. Third season comin up and I know my contract will get picked up again so Im happy about that. I’ve had some good time off and I’ve finally gotten off that extra football weight……which is great….until I have to put it back on in preseason. I had a few injuries first season but last year I………..was golden. Watching the NFL this year has really made me hungry to play again. But Im glad for some time off……lower body training though is still ….unpleasant and I gotsta man up dawg. I flirted with uppin my swat weight and changed my treadmill routine and yeah……ahm a sore pup. Now I just gotta hope I don’t break my neck! Special teams was great last year…Wish I had the film!!!!!!! ..but there is some talent on the team so Im thinking of …..dare I way it…..moving to outside linebacker.

You say you never ever dream at night time
You say you only dream when you're awake
And say that T.V. looks like your life
And the life you lead is fake

Bring it………bring an end to my bad blogging! Maybe I need to go on break again till all this silliness is gone!!