lots of will, the last testament, and an end to the kids of soda

Havent been thinkin bout bloggin lately.....  i suppose thats good and bad.  its bad that i dont have have any new crosses…….wait…....no thats a good thing.  Well...maybe Im wrong…… its only a good thing......  nothing to divest...Ive said what I needed to to those that matter….

STEP 1 One great benefit of being in a good place is ....  anybody who thinks otherwise can ....just kiss your ass..because their opinion doesnt matter........at all.  

Underestimating me is your weakness...not mine.......:) ....  I remain...a survivor and happily so...... been to HELL and back.....no shit..... Do I need to prove that to anyone....hell no.  Lets see who is STILL content in 40 years.......really......big smile

leaving all that shit behind was liberating on a scale you cant imagine....  imagine letting go of all the .....bills.........."mr logan that comes to just.....  $500.........$130......$265" .....are you kidding!!!!!!?  I dont have an extra 10 bucks!!!!.....i eat 57  cent pot pies.....cuz thats all i  can afford after child support..............complete unappreciation...... a beyond belief greedy exwife...who just smiled at me when she got her check ......no...... "thanks for the money "...just   "i think my husband and the kids will go out for a hundread dollar meal tonight "....... "I love a good meal you pay for.......while i steal your kids...oh and BTW theyll never suspect it."  LOL ..... 
SIDEBAR: I remember asking my ex why we had no money and said i wanted to see the bills.  that month our LANDLINE phone bill was over $300!!  she was calling her mom and talking long distance for an hour everyday.......ON THE LANDLINE!  we still had her cell phone bill and mine to pay for!   Im sure that was an easy $500/ month.........of  phone bills ....alone!!  Am I happy Im divorced???   You bet your ass.....
 Imagine giving up.......house payments....coworker bullshit......and I never have to hear another fucking word about who is running for president.....every fucking 15 minutes.....and how fox news analysists are confident the economy is getting better because of job growth is 1% better than yesterday...when its really the biggest pile of shit youve ever seen.......not having to listen to that crap ............EVER again???..now thats gold.....

you can call me angry........ ..nuts...... whatever....hahahahaha I sleep good.

leaving that crap behind put 30 years on my life....youre on your own kids....oh sorry...thats not true... you have your mom....  :)

the tone of this blog entry might be salty but i have the biggest smile youve ...........ever........ seen.  I wish the kids and i could have enjoyed it together.  But Im glad theyre happy.

The view here is wonderful....if your shackled life of mediocrity and hollow friendships dont soothe then maybe YOU got it wrong. 

Its ok...ive gotten it wrong before too......

But that is the past.

Tomorrow counts.........tomorrow is all you have......  

so it better count.

Still think Im not all there???  

Are you really going to argue that point???

Really?

Really?

I even get pissed off when someone tries to take advantage of me.  And after having it done so thoroughly .........…yeah I get upset… ….and Im sorry but that is

Normal.

Gonna argue that too?

Really?

Wait youre right....  Im not sorry

You thought that having your dreams crushed was no reason to get upset??????..  just  ....."let god take care of it.......he can do anything........god will take care of all your problems......if you wil let him into your heart ....really......."

ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS?

I will admit...thats a lesson i learned at the ........very .......last........ minute

Im lucky....

I have new dreams.....  ones that dont include..CRAP LIKE ... "the sign says$ 250?? " " oh im sorry you dont qualify..... its really $800... can you pay the total today? Mr logan?...." Uh.... can i kick your ass now or do I have to take a number??"

There were many times I wasn’t so sure I would out survive the abuse the world was shoveling out in over drive on overtime..

 Now Everything is different...  :) 

IM A HAPPY MAN...  :)

Ive never been an early bird....  until now...

Now I get up early.

Water the garden.....take my time....get to work early........its nice .........collecting experiences that bring a smile to my face.

Not things.

And it feels a shitload better than busting my ass for a few that didnt give a shit that i was killing myself.  Bottomless greed.  I tell you ...anyone who feels good when they GO OUT OFTHEIR WAY  to hurt someone who loves them.........WTF...who taught you that????  Looks like you havent learned a fucking thing thats important in life.  Dont call me ....eve......r if you need ANYTHING.

spend olive garden fun today...... we'll worry about tomorow ....tomor...  er.....er....or….maybe not.

True story.  I remember asking my exwife.  "when do you want to retire?"  so i could plan....take care of her ...the kids....do what it takes to make sure we were all taken care of.  

Her response?

"I like my job....i dont want to stop"

typical...  thats her plan????...what a fucking idiot

that was her plan....no plan at all......

with a big smile i can happily say .....you got what you asked for.

wait...ah the circle of life

have a stroke and a smile....

or have a coke and a stroke.

Am I happy........yes.

sorry...karmas a bitch.......

Thats fine with me cuz

I served my thankless time

and now.......

Its your turn......

 hakuna matata

did I warn everyone ...yep..beg....yep.....did they listen???  nope.

But thats not a problem i have to deal with......

Anyone who works in medicine for 30 years and still has no idea how to care for your body is a moron.

 Im sure you will give your kids great advice about.....uh......er........things like ...."oh the republicans are great"...what the FUCK would you know about politics??????

 Im sure your plan is working out just great.......

good luck kids

 my warnings were  "wrong"..........ignored.....

"your dads crazy"....

Really?

Parading around....begging people to listen to reason

...drumming the truth .....at the top of my lungs.

"cant you see what this will do?'

"dont you care about your kids future?"

"PLEASE!!!!  .......SSTOOOOOPPPP!!!!""

LOL and i was the one made out to be ........abnormal

Have a coke.

I’ll have the smile.

we deserve it

POSTSCRIPT:  Im livin!!!  Finally!! This blog has been lots of fun...  therapeutic in a way....but now i think its purpose is done........ I know ive said it before.........but I really dont think there is any more reason to spend my time with it...there is so much more for me to do in real life.......and I am truly excited to have that chance that i thought would never come.  A happy life .  Having been pushed out of the old one Its comforting to know it ended up being the best thing ever. I cant imagine ever having to return to life as it was before.  And I wont.   As a retrospective its good to flesh out the past, make sense of it and let it go.  It just took a long time to say everything i wanted to say.  Whether it got heard or not.....makes no difference..... Because I feel absolutely the happiest Ive EVER felt.  ....all the time...its not the escape of a good movie........or lasts as long as a good meal.....or a good deal on something cheap at wall mart......and then....back to the reality of relentless work and relationships without satisfaction.  EVERY day.....every few minutes....someone trying to destroy your heart...your kindness.....your honest intentions..... no relief from being drained and chased by EVERYONE.  Keep that shit....hahahaa.....Im good..  malaki ngiti

masaya ako....totoo......  paalam!  habang buhay!

Wrestlin, dancin, and the tiny tool box

I will say Im a willing participant in this joust of self inflicted pain……to my own discredit…. Yes Trey youre a sooooper genius…..just …not very smart.

I mean…how is it that Im looking for a dance partner and pick someone who is lookin for a fight? Either I gotta learn how to fight more or dance less. Kinda frustrating when you hear the music..….start dancing…….and then get punched. I gotta get a better agent.

I gotsta rememba…..you can lead a horse to water……. but apparently you cant make it dance. Maybe that’s the problem. I thought they said hoedown…….. not…….. smackdown.

But in the end its gunna be ok dude. Now, I can’t take credit here.

I never knew
I never knew
that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run
when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be

Over my head indeed. Maybe so…...underestimate me and I’ll just…… swim underwater.

When I was in 7nth grade I started wrestling. The sport was new to me but I liked the thought of one on one battle. I don’t back down easy. Lemme say ahm gettin old. I cannot remember this guys name. We were on the same team and in my first tournament we got matched up somehow.

Fan…….tastic.

This is the guy that’s been wrestling like……for…...ever. Everyone on the team is rootin for him cause hes the veteran ….I think he even had a moustache……which is pretty damn intimidating because I didn’t even have pubic hair at this point……my threat to him? A squeaky voice and 78 pounds of terror……..in tights. At this point I really hadn’t had enough experience to really know HOW to wrestle. As usual ……growin up like I did……..nobody showed me shit.

I mean……I had seen wrestling on TV….souplexes…… ya know?........ toe holds and stuff…….

My plan?.........if he’s holding onto me…get away…..and then …….uh…..grab him.

I was literally shaking…………and sweating….. I didn’t know what panic really was……...but I felt like I was going to piss in my spandex. And this was BEFORE we started.


All of a sudden

THE WHISTLE BLOWS!!!!



I am………the Tasmanian devil on crack. Im yellin and pullin…..im squeezzin and pushin…..

I cant breathe….

I cant see……



I cant tell whether hes got me or Ive got him. Were rollin around on the floor. Were up……were down……This goes on ……..and ON…….till right before I was going to puke…….the whistle blows!

I think……

All I know is…I collapse and……were not tangled up anymore.

I wobble to ma feet, crosseyed and the ref holds up my hand.....



I WON????????



Haha wait what?

YougottabekiddinmewooowoooyeahmamanIwonIwonIwonIWON!!!!!!

Cool dude. Its nice to make your mark. Later on that day the state champion took me aside and said. “You did good man…he was a good wrestler”.

Yeah dude…. win some……..

…….And lose some. I remember losing to some skinny guy that only threw ONE move. He landed on me and rode me the ENTIRE match. I couldn’t get away and he never tried ANYthing. I was pissed beyond belief but that’s the way it goes.

I would later get the nickname clay pretzel.

On the upside I’ve been playin a lot of guitar lately and think Im going back out to play round town. I’ll say it, even at the risk of backlash. Music’s been a better friend to me than any woman ever has. Yeeoooch….

Seriously……. Before you think that reflects soooo badly on my attitude…..consider that its also a reflection of what partners have crossed my path. So Im sticking to my guns …its 8th grade love or nothing……..its my blog and Im not seeking consent on the issue.

I definitely have enough energy for round 6. I like to win. One thing is sure…. When you take the high road…you don’t have to look UP to anyone. However if this is a fight……good guys finish last…..takin the high road alone sometimes doesn’t get me the dancing partner Im after. I may have to get home another way. Make room on the low road.

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and it's effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

Bring it……….bring your best shot. You cant hurt me. You can only disappoint me. Having game is one thing……hell I got game too…..but when it’s the ONLY tool in your love box…… I think ill be changing sports…..…I kinda I do like a level playing field so if you bring fire to the dance………I might just surprise you with some flamethrower skills and save the dance for someone who deserves it.

Underestimate me at your own risk. I WILL play the hand Im dealt so if I cant bring you close enough to dance up here….then a fight down there it is…..I love a good tune to dance to but make no mistake Im bringing a coffin and some nails so don’t try to bluff me. I know how to use them. Bury me? Not a chance……they’re all for you. Ill enjoy the music after you’re gone. Love? PASS