Scorpion shoes, defriending and the LAST 2 months of punking.

Mad skills dude….the Fushizzle is in…….I like using ma past to benchmark the people around me……I see ……a lot….. good people….people in pain….fools…….mean folks…… I value what shoes others are wearin so I go out of my way to understand…… so I can help….if ah can. Not a bad plan except…....I never had a scorpion ask for help. Scorpions have….anuther agenda all togetha. I feel kinda stoopid trying to put on a scorpions shoes…….dude..what ARE you doin????....stop that….stop that right now please. Holding down a snake to change its stripes to polka dots …….well…isn’t the best plan either…….Dude….please stop that…. Kindu been under a dark cloud lately. But there is good news…. It doesn’t rain every day. Now I cant take credit here.

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.

My girl indeed.
I think lotsa folks keep asking…… why? Over…and over
“Why did this person treat me bad?”
“Why did I LET this person treat me bad?”

As if understanding the answer is the goal…..ya know?
If I could just figure out “why”……….then everything would be ok.
Well………..not zackly.
Understanding why won’t do you any good if you can’t answer the question.

“What are you going to do about it?”

If you don’t even ask the question why ….then ….just skip this blog all together cause you are doomed to be alone…..again….. Some folks could care less about “why” ….. but if your so self centered as to think its always the other persons fault then I have the bad taste to inform you that there is NO greedy section on the love train. The love train only seats people willing to give. So if your smart enough to figure out “why” then your closer to a ride. The answer to why wont fix the problem though…. You have to decide what your going to do about it.
but if your response is to do …..Nuthin…….then the whys aren’t worth a whole lot.

Understanding why people do what they do is……fun dawg. Daddy does love his crystal ball.

Implementing a solution is……..not easy.

Finding someone attractive is….easy…making a relationship work is….hard.

Saying you want to be loved is…….easy. Breaking down a wall you’ve spent thirty years building up is……hard.
Yes Trey …..you are a sooooper genius.

Cause finding out I gots a problem aint worth a dayuummm if I don’t plan on fixing the issue. So Ahma gunna finish up this string o ugly blogs by shedding some demons TODAY.
The girl from my other blog “slow cookin foreigner and the game winner” was defriended on facebook with good justifiable reason. And Here tis……

Mind you “Mailney” and I haven’t spoke in oh say….15 years.

On the first day of punking ….my true punk gave to me:

A facebook message that said:

Im sad, I need to talk to you.

I immediately typed back “Heres my number call me… You ok?”… two weeks go by. Count em….Two.

On the second week of punking….my true punk gave to me:

A facebook message that said:

I need to ask you SOMETHING.

I immediately typed back my number again said hope your ok. I also sent an email “Whats wrong?”

A week later I sent a second email.

…….Nothing………no response…NADA….Niente…el zilcho.

On the second MONTH of punking ….my true punk gave to me

A facebook message that said:

How are things in general?

I immediately typed back “what in the flying shit are you talking about? Is this what you had to ask me?” I found her phone number and called about 7 or 8 times in a two day period…...no one ever answered the phone.

Five days later I get a facebook message that said:

“Aren’t you concerned about Drew Carey?...Gosh the old Trey used to have a heart….”

……Im ………….…speechless

Today was not a good day to punk Trey. I hit the defriend button……. with pleasure.
I have no doubt we will meet again. And I do like to be prepared. It wont be pretty and I don’t care. Hopefully her husband will be there and I can offer my condolences. That’s the way Im built. I don’t do make up sex. If you piss me off I fight back with the intent to injure….not to amuse.….. Im always surprised when I see people dish it out …but when the counter punch comes they feign innocence and act like you’re the one who’s being rude.
I have to laugh because I DO say “I don’t start fights but Ill be happy to end it.

I used to be an easy target and ahm happy to say ……Ive learned my lesson……cool dude. The bones of past punkers that fill my closet….are going out with the trash. Gunna use the space for sumpin betta.

In ma world this is a wonderful example of how I made the right decision because everything was totally one sided. I was doing all the work. The first time I punked her though…after she did it to me FOR YEARS…...she got pissed. However it was perfectly acceptable for her to punk me without end. The same was true of “Tiny” in my last blog. Its ok for Trey to get punked without any end in sight…but the FIRST time Trey punks back ……well…..

With enemies like this ….who needs fake girlfriends?

I don’t doubt my own abilities but I have to seriously reconsider my chance of success in the mating arena when I have to ask the question “how long do you have to ignore a woman to get her attention?” When no means yes and yes means not really……my ability to reach you is severely crippled at best. Finding love? FAIL. Treys fault?? ….Not today……..the mirror is over there. Knock yourself out. The love trains still a rollin……still searchin for ma girl.

I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).

Bring it……...bring some sunshine. Cloudy days and rain are fine…..as long as they make you grow. I like the idea that I can learn from a bad experience. Figuring out your getting punked isn’t fun….but its one fine thing to discover by draggin it into the light…….but……doin something about it is what really counts. I know Im glad to put this all to bed. Whew!....ahm tarred!! Nitey Nite!

Gold, Brian Wilson, and the good bye

There is never a good time to say goodbye. I wish I could take credit here. But Brian Wilson said it best

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
Ill make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you

Lemme say the best loves in my world are also intense friendships. Even that, you will find, is far too rare for my liking. Powerful trust and comfort comes rarely on the open sea. But real love is based on more than what the adult world will offer both of us……So I ask you all to bring you’re A game to the table. Cause I want you well fed when I take your hand, put you in bed and snuggle up behind you in perfect comfort…..my arm wrapped around you …….making you safe and secure for the night.
Make peace in your world cause the reality on TV does NOT make me happy.
I think when you have entertainment in the form of COPS, addicted, Jerry Springer, Locked up, CSI, and repo man …..love has few friends in this world.
Life is not easy and apparently people enjoy seeing everyone else’s life in torment.
Im not happy bout that. Happy people make happy relationships.
TV shows, sales people, weight loss commercials, they all imitate love to get your attention. Sex sells. Still…. sex isn’t love. Don’t be fooled. It’s everywhere. And I don’t want you to settle for someone with a sales plan and a mask.
In the face of being marketed to….you will find a lot of people who will use you..…lie….embellish, fake and even put on an act to hide their ugliness …just to get you in bed. Keep your heart close. Its important that you know the difference between hamburger and steak. If you cant….go back to cooking school….. cuz your heart is going to hurt…….. Again. When you find something real….hold onto it with everything you have. Everyone seems to think the love train is just around the corner. Don’t fool yourself. Honestly, some people never see the love train again. So be ready.
My own history includes what I thought would be a good decision. I was wrong. True story. My own marriage devolved to the point that my wife once said to me “I wish you would hurry up and die like your dad should have done years ago”.
I know you’re under a lot of pressure. Work, health insurance, gas prices, car repairs, and food prices make it difficult to work on yourself because you’re managing life.
Think about it. None of that mattered in 8th grade…..did it?
That’s why 8th grade love is just the best. Hunt for that feeling inside yourself. Its done a lot for me.
In a world where money is king……love is only a stranger……nameless, faceless, and passing through.
But its rarity……makes it priceless……..keep your gold…….I’d rather have your hand.
Being wrapped up in real love feels like nothing else. And you know it. New clothes, a good meal, a good movie……just……satisfy for a moment….and that’s all.
You will not be able to cheat …. Lie …fake …or manipulate someone to get that feeling.. If you try to….you will fail……and I will be very sad. So don’t tell me if that’s your chosen path. Cause I cant follow you.

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on
believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you

Bring it…….bring nothing. You have already given me much and I want the best for all of you. Keep your heart open. Trey Logan may not be a super genius but he does know the only thing you really have is what you make with someone else. I still have work to do but its worth it to find that love again. Love fail? PASS. I want you there with me when the love train comes to town. I have an extra ticket. So give me your hand and say “hold me”. Cause God only knows if I will ever see you again.

The reunion,The fight, and the milestone

I want you to read all of this blog…..Please....I have something to say at the end. First, I wanna thank all you girls for spending time here. That’s important to me. I’m coming up ona nuther milestone. Next week will mark a whole year of bloggin. Yeah dude…..cool. I think my experience is a lot like yours. Its therapy and entertainment……and I wish I could be doing it all in person with ya cuz I love that feeling that connection brings. I hope I’ve been able to give ya sumpin worthwhile over the last year…….cause you’ve been good to me…..And I’ve thought about all of you more than you will know.…... Now I can’t take credit here.

Now most every morning I
Stare out the window and I
Think about where you might be
I've written you letters
That I'd like to send
If you would just send one to me

For years I walked to school. Rain , snow, and summer mornings it was always an adventure. I would get there just as the doors were opening so the only person there was the custodian…….. and me. The halls…….totally silent at 7 in the morning. With all that free time you would think my grades would be top notch. I gotsta tell ya
They weren’t.
I never got much prodding to do well in school…..I spent ma time loving my classmates instead. We would “pitch quarters” ifn ya know what that means. Laughing and kidding around until the bell rang at 9:05.
Ya see. Life at home …..wasnt all that fun…so I really took (and still do) take stock in making friends…that was VERY important to me ( trey logan….you ARE…… a sooooper genius).
Jacks party was……. A perfect high skool memory. A summer nite. Loud music, innocent boozing, good friends, no schedule, no worries, no curfew. Indestructable youth at its peak…..…like all boys eventually…my manhood was tested that night. Like I said, School was not a strong suit for me so I’m still not sure I passed. I……….got into a fight.
Chad and I were going to take a spin in the fiat and some guy had me blocked in. I tried to get him to move a few times and waited. To my disbelief he came over and started rocking the car. What the $%&*?????
I am NOT an angry guy but ahm tellin ya.. I FLEW outta the car ….right up against this guys chest. He was ……alot taller than me.

“IFYOUTOUCHTHISCARAGAINIMGONNAKICKYOURASS!”

He swung at me and missed. I literally grabbed him and flipped him. When he stood up….. I immediately broke his nose.
The crowd broke it up. Trey Logan Fail? ….mmmm…..doesnt get ma vote this time.
That’s when……..Valerie was suddenly glued to my side for the rest of the night. What the S%&* is she doin?? Valerie??
Later that summer we all went tubing at Goshen pass. Another perfect summer memory. Valerie somehow ended up on my tube. This …is….weird….“Is she ok??” We splashed and played all afternoon. Youth, innocence and young love. Valerie and the moron on a big black cheerio agoin downriver. Pabst a chillin in warm river water.
Lemme say..…I’m not too bright. I miss alot of stuff. Im still that way.
When senior year started she ……..started coming in to school early. Really early…… like when I was the ONLY person there. …puzzled look….O……K.
It took nearly ALL of senior year until Whitney walks up to me…… point blank “Valerie wants to go to the prom.”

“Really? Who does she like?”

She stared……paused and said…….. “Trey not EVERY girl in school is after Chad”…….and walked off. I

I……fell……………hard.

The prom was more than perfect. Hotel Roanokes ballroom was perfect. Her cousins picture, Kylene Barker, Miss America is still there on the wall.
Of course you cant leave the prom and return. The principal stood at the front door to insure we weren’t having TOO much fun. In what may be the only good decision I have ever had…..a month before the prom …….I rented a room for that nite! All nite long we…..walked passed him at the front door …..and hit the elevator button. We smiled…..…he frowned…….By the end of the evening the room was FULL…..people coming an goin….I had NO clue who everyone was….but everyone was havin a great time!!!!! Eventually it was just the two of us…….
Senior week we did what everyone did…….went to myrtle beach for a week! Yeah dude….Cut off blue jeans and flip flops……..cheap sunglasses and cases of Boones farm. Days in the sun….nights in the surf……Could life get any better??? The summer was love and smiles….. effortless, unbreakable…unshakeable wholeness. Young love that consumes all that you are…………………………………..there is nothing else but that. And nothing…….nothing will ever feel THAT good……
College started in the fall. It took only a month before she ………left me for another.
My world……….stopped. Completely.
My soul….poured out on the floor
How do you live without eating ? without sleeping? Without love? Are you really living? Is this all there is? I……cant live without that …..and now its…..just ……. Gone.
Six months into her freshman year she was wearing an engagement ring……his dad owned a jewelry store or so I had heard.
Every five years I helped organize our class reunions.
Every five years she didn’t show.
No one knew where she was. When I say no one I mean …..NO ONE. Even on the internet…..…her name just……….disappeared.
Still…….I knew one day I would see her again. So I …….waited.
Our 20 year reunion was approaching and I was adamant that we have it at the hotel where we had the prom……thinking it would be romantic….again…
She would walk in…as beautiful as the day we met……her smile would tell me yes and I would give her anything ………and everything….….forever……….
I surfed the web for nearly a year thinking surely something will pop up……..
On the last page of a lengthy search I found it.







Her obituary.













She died just two years ago.







My heart









Broke…………

And I dropped to the floor.





No.





Please



Whywhywhywhy?

SomeonetellmeandtheanswerbetterbethebestdamnthingeverimnotkiddingcauseimnotgonnastopaskingtillsomeonetellsmeananswerthatmakesmewholeagainDOYOUHEARME!!!!?



The dust settles and

I was……..not done……







I still needed to see her.







I found her dad.
He lived several hours away.
I made the call.
Her stepmom answered.
I said.







My name is









Trey

You







Don’t







Know



Me

But







Can I come and



talk to you?





ValeriewasmyhighschoolsweetheartandIjustneedtoseeher





I made the drive.

When she opened the door I came apart.









She showed me pictures of the last 20 years. We spent the afternoon together and I confessed my love……and my pain.

When I left.











I was free.









Big smile……

Free



It would take nearly 24 years after our breakup before I would fall in love again. If you find it again…..you have to do everything you can to keep it. Promise me you will do that.

This is why…………………………I preach to you……. ….keep your heart open.

Because………. Im leaving you.

I’ve made a decision……..one that’s……… not pleasant. I’ve had to make sad choices in the past but that does not ease pain that loss brings…..and I am there……..again.

My next blog will be my last.

'Cause you left me
Just when I needed you most

Bring it……….bring some peace…..cause this is hard for me. You girls deserve alot and stopping by in YOUR world has made me smile more than you realize.

a lemon farmer, The last child, and a couple of bags of dirt

Oh dude…..I am READY. I am SO ready. O…..yeah. I am SOOO……wrong. I was …Not ready dude. I.’m losing you again aren’t I ???
Practice was great this Saturday. It was Sunday that I couldn’t move. I made the right choice though. This franchise has talent and my body is FEELIN it. As per usual. I missed the mark. Been training hard…...just not hard enough I guess. Sunday I could barely get around. I wrapped my left thigh, knee AND ankle and went back to bed. When I woke up my whole left leg was swollen. I looked like the Travelocity gnome with elephantitis.
Fan…….tastic.
I guess its time to raise ma A game. Either I underestimated my teammates or I was overconfident. Either way…… Ahm diggin deeper. Lemme say….. I can be underestimated too……small smile….Now I can’t take credit here.

Hate's in the city
And my love's in the meadow
Hands on the plow
And my feets in the ghetto

Ok….ah got schooled……pay attention Trey……No part of the plan included getting thrown from the horse…. Oh well ……back on the horse dude…lesson learned….. I do have more to learn but gunna survive... I’m a quick study so the next step is to haul ya back to the classroom…whether YOUR ready or not……...wry smile. Some things just do NOT go as planned…….last child indeed….
Getting by is one thing……livin is another. I was horrified once when my grandma told me she and my granddad always did JUST enough to get by ……and that was all.
Fan..…..tastic
I’m part Italian so it took a fair amount of restraint to garnish ma tongue. Because what I was thinking was “that explains why the family is worth a couple of bags of dirt……” Haha..….wait..….what?
Boy that’s not pretty. So the thought never left my lips. Bullet dodger mode fo sho…….I faired better than the time I caught her eating an ENTIRE box of Whitmans chocolate. Ya know those big sampler deals?? Getting by was a GREAT plan …….to get her a SECOND set of knee and hip replacements. Bright idea? FAIL.
I stared at her as she popped them one after another……stoopified …….. Blink….blink…
I casually said she SHOULD be exercising. Her enlightened response? “I work around the house.” I….raised my voice a bit….. “That’s LIFE grandma!….....thats NOT exercising.” When I realized she wasn’t listening to me AT all……… I went to the kitchen.
And came back with a beer.
I flopped down beside her and popped the top for effect. I licked my lips and took a long slurping satisfying guzzle. Gulp……gulp…….gulp…..Ahhhhhhhh.
I looked over
Gramma was staring at me.
“you really shouldn’t drink”.
“O gramma” I scoffed….”its never to early to pickle your liver or get another knee replaced….besides….I work around the house.”
She didn’t like that answer.
It wasn’t a proud Kodak family moment. Her with a 6000 calorie Whitman sampler and me with a Bud lite.

Hypocrites 2…….Communication 0.

Where was I?

Oh yeah

I think its easy to underestimate or undervalue whats important. (thanks ....Trey Logan..…you …….are a sooooper genius) In my world it happens a bit too much for my liking. Getting by aint a lot of fun when livin is really what youre after. I wish things were different……. Meh…….wishin don’t make it so……. Im sorry to say. Ifn I had ma way Id letcha get your wish. Personally Id be wishin for fewer lemons…..and to have your head on my chest.
I know too many people who are getting lemons from life far too often. It might be good for me to consider becoming a lemon farmer……You make the lemonade and we’ll be getting somewhere.
In football underestimating the defense is……..not a good idea. Be ready…...or be ready for pain. One thing you can count on…….the hits just KEEP comin…..till they get you down. SO I better plan on getting up ……..every play.
The love train doesn’t stop on the bad side of town often. When it does stop on easy street…its only there for a while so ya besta be ready!! So be prepared to wave as it goes by ..…..or make peace to find your own happiness. That’s the secret for two tickets to the gun show or a pass on the love train. But more than that……..
My stock as a man is measured by my ability to stand up when theres a storm. When things are good…love is easy…….its when things are tough that I need my character to be a rock….….for my lover. Cuz fair weather love wont last long.
I need to remember that.

I was a last child
Just a punk in the street

Bring it……..bring a better plan. Maybe together we can come up with sumpin that will make us both smile. I’d vote fuh that ma love. How bout the best defense is a good offense? I am SOOOOO ready. You playin or what?

Brass balls, New flowers, and love on the limit

Been reminiscing a bit with old high school friends (I say old….. but I don’t mean it). They’re still the best buncha hooligans goin. I still run into a few who say they hated that time…..…which baffles me but I guess I have to be more understanding cuz everyone didn’t have the same experience I did. Nowadays it seems the pressures of adulthood kinda put the kibosh on finding love on every street corner. Now I cant take credit here.

I have climbed the highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

My buddy Chad and I had a long history…....all of it good. There isn’t enough space on ma blog to tell ya all that we did in high school…..
But I remember one time…he picked me up…..all frantic…..excited…..nervous……”I gotta go see her man!.......I just gotta”
We were in high school and he was gaga over some college girl……. and the plan???....... Sneak on the all girls campus at night and get in her dorm. Haha...….wait……what?…
.blink….blink…..yeah….small smile…...no worries…..sure…....this will work……ARE YOU NUTS???”
I kid you not
He had a t shirt on that said “liquor in front poker in rear”….well…if you read that slowly it can mean two different things…..read that again…..
Needless to say…….its NOT the shirt you wear to woo a young maiden. So I took off my wrestling shirt and he put.it on while we drove. He was really nervous….not sure what to say…..perfect young love on the limit……cool dude.
We coasted in with the lights off so not to tip off security and off silently in the dark he went.
I sat in the car and waited…….and waited……..and……waited some more.

Until I see ……….the campus police cruiser…

O…..MANOMANOMANOMAN…..

I sink down in the seat and my body goes stiff.

O…..NONONONO……

Where in the $h*# is he?

Fan…..…tastic. Whatamigunnasay?

Hello officer I …..I…uh…ibba kay toona meffa slooty pooble…haha..slooty pooble?.....k? hehe you can believe that cant you officer?
I held my breath and it just ……..slowly went on by.
Ah couldn’t really be mad at Him. If anything I was happy and envious. Heck I was excited FOR him! Yeah dude….cool….those butterflies are just the best ya know?
THAT’S the feelin ahma huntin……just like the chills I get when I listen to “dream of the return” by Pat Metheny…. Warning…… do NOT down load this song unless you are prepared…….I work hard not to weep whenever I hear it. Seriously.
Justa letcha know…… round 3 emailed me. …..silence……..
It was a scathing attack that I had blown her off when she needed me and that I was NOT a knight in shining armor as she had thought…..I asked her if we could get together so I could clear the air because email just doesn’t do it for me. I got back several emails dodging my attempts to fix it……….so I sent this………


“I dont like it when i see someone take a step that distances them from what they really want.
I dont fight those people any more
I let them say the opposite of what they want, then give them what they ask for.
I DO "get you" ... dont you FEEL that???....and if you work hard at keeping me at a distance I wont try to stop you.......and these are the kinds of things that once they get ruined they dont get fixed.....
all you can do five years later is look back and say...i should have done things differently......
call me......”


well……I did ma best…..my phone stayed silent……. No butterflies today. Will there be another email? No dude…..said ma piece……big smile.
In the shadows I can barely make out a figure running full tilt toward the car ……..As Chad gets closer I can see him smiling…….and I did too. Today is a good day to have brass balls.
They’re relationship didn’t last but the memory of that evening was perfect. Looking back….I wouldn’t have done anything different.. Epic Trey logan FAIL?.......Not today.

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

Bring it……….bring it when your hearts open. Actually….small smile…..I put that on a card I sent with some flowers today…hehehe …met someone I thought was nice……..I don’t stay down for long so if your heart is closed…. I might just…....letcha go! My buddy Chad is……….gone. Buried before we were done. I……still have his memories with me and…….. he deserved a bit more …even after high school…reality rules…cheers Chad. I miss ya buddy and wish you were here so I could tell ya how the flowers go.

No Love ration, No round 3, and no 7 second hug

Yeah dude……it was bound to happen. I turn the corner and ..…..she is there. Its her. No question. I …….STOP and the world goes quiet …….. her back is to me and it takes me a moment. I start walking….silently……. up to her. Her blond mane spilling down her back……blue jeans……. painted to perfection. One foot….. dancing on her shopping cart. She is…….on the phone and I stop seamlessly behind her.
She turns in mid sentence…… her beautiful brown eyes swell and I see her breathe in deep and she smiles without control. Her conversation…….stops because she …isnt thinking. I smile down at her and we are both …..speechless.
The moment is perfect silence and I say nothing. She is stunning to view. Her eyes, instantly soft and longing ….. no effort between us…instant comfort…. she gazes…… and stutters on the phone.

The world comes crashing in …....and she laughs ……trying to compose herself.

I slowly back away and motion that its ok. My smile….. big and genuine says everything. Hers does too. Now I can’t take credit here.

Shot through the heart and you're to blame
Darlin' you give love a bad name

Relax . There wont be a round three. I kept the smile……. And walked away. Yeah dude….made ma point. Been played before. You only get ONE shot at that. Ya know? Its not all about good looks….besides shes……still taken. Yes I am a sooooper genius. I had a fellow coworker say a 7 second hug is the most effective (Maybe I shoulda tried that!).
The world of intimacy for a man is….different than that for a woman…. I need some schoolin on what women desire. But I’ll do my best to demystify some things if ah can……I cant say its ALL easy to hear…or that’s it’s the ONLY side of the coin….but I will say its JUST an opinion…….just like the earth is round is JUST an opinion.
Lemme say that sex isn’t the only dimension to a mans world……. But I gotsta tell ya…its UP there. If you THINK its not…….your wrong. Some men I am sure can have what they consider a satisfying relationship without intimacy.…but I just couldn’t live as an accountant. I’ll go so far as saying that’s unhealthy/abnormal. It’s the same whether your plumbing is indoor or outdoor.….if your intimacy level is UNABLE to budge from the trashcan… you only have a dysfunctional relationship (and even THAT’S questionable). Do NOT be shocked when the NOTHING you have….. falls apart. If you think you can…..just…. SLOWLY train him not need intimacy but every once in a while n “he seems ok with it”… your foolin ONLY yourself. ….I’m sorry that’s not what folks want to hear. Meh….I dunna care if that’s seems critical, shallow, short sighted, or judgmental….. but tell me your relationship is satisfying without it and I’ll call you a liar. Either unwilling or unable to self evaluate the pleasure your missing. It may be my opinion…… but its YOUR loss. Yeah dude another blanket statement from a sooooper genius.

Fan…....tastic.

Isnt life tough enough as it is? Hahaha …..wait……what?
I ACTUALLY had a partner ask me “how much time do you need?” …….Romance? FAIL. It made me sad…..she wanted to know how little time was required for me to be satisfied. I said “if that’s your perspective …. I wouldn’t worry about it. Find someone else to answer that for you”.
Gunna put the shoe on the other foot…….
What if I had said….”how little affection and caring do you need to consider this a relationship? Can you get by with just a teeny amount?”
If you are going to RATION the quality AND quantity of physical intimacy you offer your partner……what do you expect to get in return for your efforts in being the best roadblock to love EVER?????? Well?
Physical intimacy is communication for a man. If you cut that off….he will go elsewhere to communicate. If you think that’s an exaggeration….oh……..you already experienced that …huh?
"COME ON TREY!!!.....sex isn’t communication for a guy….thats silly”…….
Chuh
RRR….ight
How happy would you be if I cut off your communication and put a piece of duct tape over your mouth…. Oh you can take it off once every 5 days …when im not too tired…and don’t have a headache….for a couple of minutes. You gunna be satisfied with that or what?
you feelin me?
Gonna go a step further….what if youre not CONCIOUSLY being distant…its just that you don’t have the time (or energy) to find out what makes you OR your lover tick? That’s it?....Are you serious?......
That works about as well as me sayin “I don’t have the time, energy or money to take you to dinner or shopping ….an don’t even think about me givin you a hug or help clean up”….how you like me now?......In my book it makes no difference whether you run into the road or just lay down to get run over. The result is the same. Last time I heard….. laziness still gets an F. Congrats…...youve earned it. No effort……and youre reward is……. the sound of crickets dying. I double dog dare you to argue with me about this…if this isn’t so, we’ll just put it to the test. Cut your partner off n call me five years. Ahm willin ta bet youre reward will be the finest match.com has to offer.

ENOUGH TREY!!! I GOTS IT!! …ok….said ma piece.

Where was I?
Oh yeah…..
The tango is not solo. Stampeding cattle on the tracks of the love train is a two person deal. Peace. I confess…… Im guilty too.
Consider this…….selective hearing is only half the coin.. …selective speaking can be just as damaging…..ifn ya don’t ask any questions……..then WHY are you expecting any answers? Some doctors say “if you dont hear from me ….then everythings fine”. Chuh…..that philosophy worked really well for my marriage. “Honey….if you dont hear from me….. everythings fine”. Enter……Divorce.
I’m not much of a man unless I understand YOUR priorities…. And support you without question. I like bringing out the best in my lover. You better plan on doin the same cuz I wont take less. When I say “I get you” ….I want you to feel that connection that someone loves and cares…..if you have OTHER plans…. Keepa gittin it…


An angel's smile is what you sell
You promise me heaven then put me through hell


Bring it………..bring it only when your hearts ready. If your taken…..stop trying to bring it. I want you all to myself or not at all.
I DO want your head on my chest and for you to feel safe and secure when I pull you close. If you tell me youd rather watch CSI…..Ill pass..…theres enough dead bodies in here already. I STILL don’t want to be known as the undertaker of love. Lifes too short. Ya know?

The light switch, the rollercoaster, and the tasmanian devil

Oh dude …..Got the “snap”. ….again. My bad. The crackle and pop are typically right behind so …nothing unusual…. Im losing you already aren’t I?......
Ya know that first part of a relationship where your……..eyes brighten?….that fun playful time where its new and interesting. …bits o butterflies an all. It’s lookin promising ……and then………that light switch goes off. “KERPLINK”…..Your date does something that’s a deal breaker……nonnegotiable…..irreparable……finito. LOL I was wondering…… is this how it happens with ma bloggy girls? Instantaneous detachment?
Oh well….. nothing ventured nothing gained………hehehe In truth I need to celebrate the fact my radar was working well!.......... I have to admit I can’t do the fair weather thing. Ifn ya know what ah mean. If you run hot ….then cold……then hot….. I’ll run elsewhere. I’m not very good at averaging all that out to be…….lukewarm. Now I cant take credit here.

Rollercoaster of Love
say what?
Rollercoaster (oohh oohh oohh)...

Does …….ANTHING …….get any better than old school funk?........Even MC hammer had to remake Rick James……...be……atch. hahaha.. .…wait…....what?
Im……sorry…..when you roll hard, hitting the brakes just….give me emotional whiplash.….. all these….bells, whistles and flags go up. Like some contraption on Willy Wonka in high gear.....jaw dropping, sensory overload disbelief. Sorry. I feel like I must be more trigger happy than the average bear. But when protection mode punches ma gut…. Im afraid there’s NO recovery. Prospective lovins? FAIL.
where was I?

Oh yeah…..

Its not always bout me. By that I mean …. I assume the other person has a bit o “been let down” too. So its VERY possible I said the wrong thing or pushed a button the wrong way. Gotsta keep that in mind. Ya know?
I have had a few brushes with what I call the “Taz”. As in “shes plumb eat up with the Taz”. I know things are tough these days. Work, bills, reality tv gone wrong, bills, family and bills. But I get a glazed stare when I have a date……. suddenly….without warning……turn into the tazmanian devil for 45 seconds then reappear with no memory of the event. Blink…….Blink.

Rollercoaster of love indeed.

I guess I was thinking of a different kind of love rollercoaster. My bad.
My exwife actually said to me “men like bitches”.

Y……..eah.

RRR…….ight

Er…….not THIS man. Hence the divorce. If that was her goal she certainly succeeded.
The best relationships in my world were effortless. No Mrs Jeckyl no Ms.Hyde. Men manifest depression through anger. Did ya know that? I remember being down in my own marriage and being short fused a lot…..which did NOTHING to help matters. I think women can easily misunderstand that. When youre being yelled at you don’t normally think of depression as the cause. You don’t really give a $&|^ . You just want it to stop. I always liked to say I worked on the marriage. The exwife worked on getting out of it. LOL ……she won.
Im not sure what it means when a WOMAN keeps her gun loaded AND cocked. I have met a few who went off the deep end..….quick. In my world that’s the warning sign that’s something MORE is wrong than meets the eye.
I’m not sure what other guys do when Taz takes over. Maybe Im not being understanding enough…..but ma gut tells me there are more issues beneath the iceberg that I get to see and so I slowly back peddle out of the room with a strained grin on ma face and turn on the vacancy sign again.
I SERIOUSLY do NOT mean this to be an episode of the “he man woman haters club”…I jes wanna know….. whats up with that? Not ALL girls are this way …..just a few.
I guess the harsh truth that love is fragile is…..more common than anyone wants to admit. It’s a shame that something good can fall apart with some poorly chosen words. Mixed with unbendable pride and here cometh the fall. I don’t like the thought of disposable love. So I have some work to do at home cuz I wanna be ready. Boy I LOVE seein a couple that’s tight …that just…..makes me smile..….yeah dude……. cool. One thing is fo sho, bad seeds don’t grow love. If you got issues don’t expect the love train anytime soon. Same goes for your partner. If theyre life is a DMZ Im not sure I would expect anything other than a sales pitch and a mask. Ever had that?
Happy folks make happy relationships. Since ya cant change people, ma best bet is to make sure IM ready when the time comes.
Seriously dude. If everything ELSE is a priority then …….. Mr wonderful is going to be hard pressed to drop out of the sky an straighten up chaos. I’m sorry that’s not what folks want to hear. And the reverse is true too. When things are a mess for me …….the love train jes keeps ona movin.

All is fair 'n' a big fair ground
Let's go slow, let's go fast
Like a liqorice twist gonna whip your ass

Bring it………bring that outa control feeling that makes your heart feela jittery and sweet…..big smile….sorry I know some of ya will gag on that but……why would you want anything else? I still love rollercoasters………whos with me?

Potluck love leftovers, a purple duck, and the love horse

Yeah dude…been ruminating over things I’ve heard in the last few weeks….on the menu??......... it’s potluck love leftovers. I read where women on average think the perfect number of lifetime partners for a guy is…………5. Thas a bit…spartan I think given that ahma ole man. Realistically I think that numbers gunna be a shake higher.

I wonder, wonder who, bi du du, who
Who wrote the book of love?

Im far less concerned with who wrote the thing. I really just want ma own copy.
I’m willing to bet the most recent edition has fewer and fewer rules. (I jes might have that backwards). As time goes on……...the rules seem to get cloudy and finding love feels more like prospecting for gold……… in Iowa. Ya know? That’s why I always go back to 8th grade love because the rules seem much easier to understand……….maybe I jes need ta give up that idea and deal with the here and now instead.
Lemme say I can be wrong ……a fair bit. But rarely do I think im confused or hesitant to make a decision. Makes little sense to waffle on pulling the trigger. Yeah dude…the quick and the dead. I don’t want to be caught saying “boy…....the things you see when you haven’t got your gun”.
But lately I feel like Mr. Douglas on green acres. He’s the ONLY sane one in hooterville….(love the name). Everyone else is a few fries short of a happy meal. But he’s the one who looks out of place. …ranting and raving with no connection to anyone else……but he’s NORMAL!!!!… Kinda like the house that’s too cheap….or too expensive for the market to move. Findin a buyer is…….not easy. I feel like im huntin a purple duck.
Where was I?
Oh yeah…
I had an older woman once tell me sex was easy to find and love was much harder. LOL yeah dude…tha rules for sex are much easier to unnastan than all the smoke and mirrors you have to navigate to cultivate love.
I had a buddy tell me that when he showed up at a girls door……. she was the only person who knew whether they were going to have sex that night……and based on what he was wearing….all he could tell you is ….where they were going to eat for dinner.
Ifn ya think about it, maybe the rules for love have always been the same. It’s the shifting sand of culture and social standards that change. I think everyone has heard this…..”The reason people don’t stay married anymore is…..…Wa schumi la pasubi kaka” . Yeah ….blame it on everyones lack of hanging in there when the going gets tough. Uh ….Chello? The world is 30 times tougher now than it was for Laura Ingles. Dump her in downtown Chicago an lessee how she fares in finding a successful marriage. My take on it is …..people in the past HAD to withstand the abuse of a bad relationship because they COULDN’T do anything else. Yeah…that was good plan. He beats me everyday while he’s drunk and unemployed but…..were still married! Yipppey! …….Marriage? FAIL.
Ahm gunna demystify something here. Marriage is a social convention. Love is not. Problem is……people tend to confuse the two. The goal SHOULD be …..love. Marriage is a verbal contract. ……….and Men I think fail to read the fine print…..myself included…..
Ever been lied to?......Meh…not the best plan to keep a relationship happy. Makes no difference whether you made that promise in front of your God or not. People have been breaking covenants with him for over 2000 years. Sorry. Not what you wanted to hear….I know. But think about it. The concept of marriage is not ironclad. If “till death do us part” were actually enforced…lets face it..…you wouldn’t be readin ma blog right now.….Marriage takes on lots a notions. There are places where men have multiple wives…. 60 year old men marry 15 year old brides……Even having a woman on the side is socially accepted….or even between folks of the same sex. Are you really pursuing marriage……or love? Cause the two aren’t the same. Hehehe nowadays?...... Both are hard to get sho nuff….but even HARDER to KEEP.
I heard a comedian say “went out with this girl…. On the first date she told me she wanted a serious relationship……. Y…..eah …that’s what I want….. a SERIOUS relationship. Lets make it serious. Leave the fun to someone else.” LOL. When was the last time you went lookin for a man with a heavy heart?......chuh ….right. I want your heart to be light. I don’t want you thinking about the car insurance when I put my hand on the back of your neck and kiss you deeply.
Lemme say I don’t screen a woman for marriage. I SEE if we can fall in love. The marriage cart can’t come before the love horse. That’s crash city guaranteed. Yes I am a sooooper genius. Hey don’t laugh ……if this is such common sense stuff you would think love would be readily available to EVERYONE.
I had a girlfriend tell me “once its over ..its over”. I am JUST old enough to FINALLY understand that you can’t destroy love. The relationship may not survive. But love does. Man…that ……just…..fills me up. Ya know? I had a girlfriend once tell me after we broke up that “ I was very angry with you …but I never stopped loving you.” Too bad we can’t all see it that way. It might make things a bit different.

Chapter One says to love her
You love her with all your heart
Chapter Two, you tell her
You're never never never never ever gonna part
In Chapter Three remember
The meaning of romance
In Chapter Four you break up
But you give her just one more chance

Bring it…..…bring some love. I’ve had my fair share of failed relationships …..(you too??) …….but I still try to keep ma heart open. The modern world is full of bills, schedules, bills, car wrecks, fake reality TV and bills. Love doesn’t fit very well in the cracks. That’s not much of a plan for success. Happy people make happy relationships. ….big smile…..How far do you think you’ll get in a relationship if I CAN’T get to your heart? I don’t always succeed but Im workin to keep ma heart light…..I don’t think you would want me any other way……..so I cant wait to finish 7th grade!!!!! Whatcha doin for the summer?

A pillowfight, houses in love town, and the birds and the bees

Yeah dude….I……….am a contact lover. If I can get you close to me I want your head in my lap where I can stroke your hair or rub your ear slowly. I will frown openly if you tell me NOT to touch your feet. For me its stress relief and the comfort of building that brick house in love town….. together……I rub you …..you rub me. Lately Ive kinda been havin ta rub maself. Being in the self service isle leaves few options. Hehehe yeah dude ….spending a lot of time in the gym you tend to read articles on how to increase your testosterone levels. Every grid dawg is taking some combination of hormone releaser, prohormone, estrogen crusher and test booster………the latest thing? ……blush……old school……….porn. Now I can’t take credit here.

Feel the heat,
pushing you to decide
Feel the heat,
burning you up,
ready or not
Some like it hot
and some sweat
When the heat is on

Playing football demands a bit of………channeled aggression…..lemme jes put it thata way. Yes….I am a sooooper genius. Sho nuff. But I have a feeling most men (whatever their profession) have similar shortcomings when it comes to being a good lover. If ya think about it……that’s certainly something you have to learn on ya own. You can’t get valuable instruction from your parents growing up on the “how to’s” …thank goodness……just that you ARENT supposed to do it until……….your a mature bird or bee. Yeah dude did I EVER get any instruction as a boy NOT to have sex? …….The serious answer is…..no. My mom apparently got a book from the library regarding the subject and lemme tell ya…as a second grader I was NOT prepared for such a discussion. I dont remember what was said cause I probably blacked out or something when i saw the pictures...... Page 1 "The man sticks his dilly hoo into her cha cha and out comes his hot man chowder".....or something along those lines.....My mom tells me we were both laughing hysterically by the second page. We didn’t finish the book.
At NO point in time was I told to wait for marriage …….or use protection….or ANYTHING of the sort. Instruction?......FAIL. Luckily I………..waited till I was 18. So no regrets there.
Where was I?
Oh yeah….
As a guy …….I don’t think we’re given much in the way of a roadmap or blueprint on what a woman wants. Inside or outside the bedroom. I think women give some thought to what makes a mans switch flip …..which is great!...... but also sad because men are inadequate to return the favor unless they work at it. I admit it. I need your help! I made a D in mind reading 101……
Of course this doesn’t excuse idiocy on ma part. The model most men get revolves around the philosophy “if it moves hit it…if it breathes kill it”. That’s how we solve problems. Forcing the nut, throwing harder, elbow grease, spit, and yelling louder than the next guy are all acceptable ways of handling things…..if you’re a man.. (unless you’re an accountant…..in which case I have NO idea what your role model for love was).
Problem is……….those same communication tools (or lack of) we use from 9 to 5 don’t really condition us for romance when we get home. Even though you lay bricks all day….You cant take a brick to a pillowfight.
Personally I like a lot of balance when Im in love. Until I hit the bedroom. Then I want to be assertive and in control. Ifn ya deny me that then………we gots problems. I must be doin sumpin wrong if you won’t let me enjoy you. I rather like a sirens submission and if Im doing my part right then……theres no resistance when I wind you up, hold you down…… and push your body to tighten for that moment where you ……cant speak and ……cant breathe.

Some like it hot
but you can't tell how hot
Till you try
Some like it hot
so let's turn up the heat
Till we fry

Bring it……….bring some heat. All this snow has got me yearnin for some summa weatha! Hey I like snow but this cold spell is wearin on me! I don’t know what’s worse …….having no skills or having skills and no one to share them with!!! But make no mistake….sharin something you cant get anywhere else makes it worth the hunt……..and the wait. Yeah dude…..Nothin like building a new house in love town.

Return to the tricky fish, the last southern comfort, and the crash

Gunna letcha know ahead o time. This post is by far the weakest thing EVER. Been very busy so ahm just having random thoughts and i can only hope I make more sense next week.
Been kinda quiet about semipro football lately. Ive been training like a man possessed…. but keeping a low profile. Mad skills in progress during the off season. Yeah dude….Nothing left to chance. I’m trying out for a different team this year. It’s a long story dude…….but I want a change and I’m up for it. Tryouts were last Saturday. I am sore. I was hoping to really impress but my times were off. So I did good……just not……...great. There were guys faster than me but that’s ok. Now I know what to work on….I have EVERYTHING else. I plan on blowin people up this year. Sorry……I know it’s too early to trash talk and to blow my own horn…Im just………boiling to play. Lemme say I like getting comments. Yes I am a sooper genius so a bit of recognition is good for my psyche. Ran into an old lifting buddy the other day. “Man, your big as a house”. ….big smile….

My experience with the Bruins was mixed last year…that’s a kind revue……SO I tried out for the Crash in huntington……..I JUST got word from the coach….I made the cut! YES! Its a bit of a drive …but it’ll be worth it!!!! Now I can’t take credit here.

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .

I haven’t been frequenting the local establishments lately. I still see people I DON’T know on the streets who ask when Im playin guitar again but I went out a few weeks ago and the SMOKE nearly killed me. I’ve been a little nervous about getting the chemistry right with the new team too. So I’ve been…….decompressing with the bottle.
Enough………. I had too much southern comfort, too much fun and too much looking my age the day after. Its affecting my ……performance………..on the field. So I’m going to go back to playing some guitar to relax. Found an old shoebox of at least a hundred original tunes I wrote. Time to put them on disc.
After tryouts I went to the tricky fish in Charleston again. Fosters on tap……60’s music …the place ….barren of patrons....perfect…… its kinda cool to go to a town you never go to, find a hole in the wall bar and just…………..unwind. Albeit alone. But I was thinking it would have been nice to share tryouts with someone special but I suppose the lack of company was good for focus before tryouts so its ok.
I was reading an article on what women want in a man…….no this NOT a joke. No I didn’t pick up a cosmo. Hehehe
Where was I?
Oh yeah….
I am supposed to be……..a quiet genius. Witty, strong, confident, a blue chip prospect who doesn’t sweat the small stuff. I’ll work on it. I think I just need to leave this town. Suggestions?
I got a buddy who keeps asking how to keep this girl he’s after interested. Should I call her? Heres what she texted….how do I respond? She said she would call at five..its five thirty do I call her?......she sent me this email…. what should I say? …....Jeesh……Confidence? …FAIL
I told him to show up and take a Hershey’s kiss out…. unwrap it and put it in her mouth and kiss her. He said “where did you get that?” whadya mean? “I mean where did you see that? If you got it from a movie then she may have seen it.” ……..small silence….I didn’t see it in a movie…………that’s all me. “Oh”…. Maybe you can give her MY number……..small smile


I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change

Bring it………..bring some change. No I don’t need bus fare ya silly! It makes me feel good to see folks who have a good thing goin. Cool……gunna have me some o that one day! Hehehe Im a bit jealous I admit it. I’ve been lucky to have some close encounters lately and Im grateful for that. But I’m still by the side of the road with my thumb out for the real deal neal. Tricky fish indeed………Im optimistic for times close ahead s’all I can say.