Monday, May 14, 2012
You can always tell the winners
Saints and the sinners
Down at the starting line
I'm a lucid vision Of the unforgiven
I'm your wave-tossed guy
Trouble by the dozen
Stakes have never been higher
Come back when you're younger
Cuz I can feel the thunder
Blood and Fire indeed. Men don’t seem to step out of the “were selfish” line to let others break in….at least not very often. I cant say Im overly proud of that heritage …but over the years I have learned that bringing out the best in your lover is more satisfying than being greedy for attention. Truthfully, men that seek it have a lack of confidence in themselves , and are insecure…..they bark alot…. when there are only girls around of course. Put them in a room of men and the bench warmers rush to the sidelines where they complain rather than bust some ass on the field.
I’ll give you an example. There was this guy who thought I was having an affair with his wife. He was a real common piece of shit. Worthless…no job….controlling, insecure…lazy…a real pussy. And for some reason he was convinced that I was after his rather ugly…..even more stupid wife. His only real course of action???…..try to make my life miserable. When the truth is I wouldn’t have touched her if she begged. Some people are too stupid to realize theyre dumb…...true that. Go ahead dude….borrow some money from your wifes receptionist salary, have another big mac ………and listen to some country music….….your special.
Side bar: I get asked about kids sometimes…… it’s a touchy subject for me. The condensed movie is never as good as the book but here goes. I love kids………ALL kids…dating someone with kids is a dream for me because I never got to raise my own. I really enjoyed being a good dad…..i just never got to do it for long since my children were hijacked by my exwife. My daughter will not speak to me …so I have let her go. My son no longer responds to my facebook messages. Its awful to have your life poisoned by people the people you love the most. I have always tried to tell my kids that I know they are unhappy with the way things happened after our divorce but it really doesn’t matter to them. They are kids and it hurts that their dad isnt around to help. And no matter how much explaining I do that there wasn’t a choice…..it doesn’t take away the pain or let us go back in time…..I have freely admitted my own shortcomings in trying to repair things and that I understand how they feel and that I would like for us make things better but …alas my daughter is too bitter to see the light at the end of the tunnel to repair our relationship. The daughter said
“I don’t want to fix it”.
In fact my daughter is hell bent on causing me as much pain or extracting as much punishment as possible…..apparently it makes her feel better to ”get back at me” for not being there. The son is a different story. I miss him tremendously but there is nothing to be done.
Sorry to depart there….. but its relevant now because I was asked recently whether I wanted kids…… and yes……I like the possibility of being a good man not only to a wife but the ones she cares for too because…I never got the chance. The past? FAIL……. the future? PASS. However this girl has no children….so the question is meant another way as in….”I would like children”……. Im afraid surgery has made it too late to think about that……....... I think.
Back to the real world. Replacing football has been….hard. I miss it……..and its been hard to replace it so ive been spending more time in the gym….which has paid off….small smile. The GF smiles in appreciation when I take my shirt off… and I
Yeah the ….GF……. long story….…hehehehe but its developing.
Where was I?
Oh yeah…… The volleyball team calls me “papa bear” which I rather don’t mind…its easier than remembering english….…the GF bites my ear and says she wants a “baby bear”.
As for the football replacement. I am……the new guy. It is clearly his kingdom…he is king. But……..not for long. He struts around, lifting heavy to make sure I know my place in the pecking order. And I am ….. Waiting for my sit…….as they say in surfing. When he is around I lift light….nothing exotic ….giving away no secrets. That’s the way lifting is…..study your opponent…find his weakness…...give away no secrets about your program……..and I have many….. Smart is ….sexy we watch each other discretely and he is satisfied that I am not a threat… which makes him even more assure of his prowess. I wait two weeks…letting him bask in his status. And then….its time……..to blow up his world. Today is the day. He never looks me in the eye. A sign that he is pretending not to respect me as he prowls the gym. After today he will not look me in the eye for a different reason. He finishes his bench routine ….maxing out at 275 for 5 reps. He starts to strip the weight. “leave it” I say He looks at me …..confused….. and puts a wheel back on the bar. “can you add 30 for me?” small smile
RED LIGHT: Don’t underestimate me
GREEN LIGHT: taking your own medicine is a good thing
I have a wry grin which is a poor mask for hatred of all things weak… Stillborn on my ipod……cranks my blood. The beta alanine kicks in and my body tightens when I grip the bar……. I crush 10 ……with power to spare and storm from the bench….hot with destruction for the undeserving who have wrongfully taken from me what is not theirs. He retreats to the other side of the gym to watch from a distance. At 410 pounds I am still moving up. More to come. When I hit 455 I bolt from the bench ….. jacked…. With enough A game in reserve for more. But that is all the schooling he will get today.
Revised pecking order 101.
I throw my wrist wraps with complete anger and satisfaction and pass by him casually without a look. Unimpressed. He moves out the way to let me by ….eyes on the ground… And we go up from here…… The new sheriff doesn’t need a king. I think im gonna like this town….hehehe
and Oh …..The GF thing. Its …… Complicated. She would not be pleased for me to disclose our intimate moments but I will say I was not aware that there were any 34 year old virgins left. And strangely enough….she is mine….. she tells me breathy and softly...….. And quite frankly that commands a tremendous amount of respect….to have that amount of resolve. I am truly speechless to be the chosen one for such a valuable moment. (Off the record….. she is a 48 kg, fit hourglass of smooth skinned perfection and I must confess my satisfaction…….yeah dude…….nuff said)
For You : Wait for it…..dont settle
For Me: Practice what you preach son
It's a world of fools
That's just what's expected
None of 'em know it
Or even suspect it
God must love the lazy
Shiftless and the crazy
(he) put so many in line
Bring it………..bring some patience. Some things take a long time before they are ready……and that makes it worth the wait. Ya know? Ya know? Some things are ………worth their weight in gold. The love train sure has an odd schedule. Ayos?
Postscript: big smile...nuff said....and then some hahaha the spartan spark?? Sometimes Im relieved there is no fire.
Posted by me at 5:42 AM