Monday, January 23, 2012
I have ALWAYS had a fascination with water. Yeah dude ….I don’t think that’s unusual…...most folks love bein round it. Water has that affect…ya know??………soothing…..cleansing……..mystical. When I find my pinay…I know she will understand. Now I cant take credit here.
Catch a wave and you're sittin' on top of the world
Don't be afraid to try the greatest sport around Catch a wave, catch a wave Everybody tries it once Those who don't just have to put it down
You paddle out, turn around and raise And baby that's all there is to the coastline craze
You gotta catch a wave and you're sittin' on top of the world
Catch a wave indeed. Set the limbo bar low baby…Im done with low hanging fruit. The easy catch doesn’t mean the relationship is cake. Besides every relationship has its rough times…its how you get through them together that counts.
Im just waitin for my sit…as they say in surfing. The love train is rolling again and I can say with a smile that ahm happy. Ma skin fits me well and my pinay must have the same confidence, happy composure and inner peace as well. I say that because if she has a lot of troubling thoughts..she really isnt going to be much of a partner…the same goes for me and I admit…Im not very good at managing mental illness. I fashion myself as someone who works hard to make sure he is grounded and confident. I want the same in a partner. I realize I need to spend time under a microscope to make sure Im being the best I can be for my lover. For me that’s important. Cuz men are selfish by nature I think. But its not all about me..its about building something together...and that means being selfless.
So zat is.
Trey logan you ….are a soooooper genius. Im not sure being selfish is valuable when it comes to surfing the tidal waves of disfunction relationships can bring. One thing is sure…. If you want to catch a wave…you have to be patient……and chances are you will wipe out more than you will ride to shore on top of the world. And more importantly…..when you wipe out you have to get right back up on that board…… not swim to shore.
I know things are hard…. There is disapointment…….. food prices, work troubles, dishonest friends…. but my value as a man means being someone you can lean on….everytime.
I heard where there are only three great loves in a mans life. Maybe. LOL I guess ahm savin the best for last. Hehehe.
Where was I???
My last experience was one of infidelity. Am I discouraged? Not really. I just made a bad choice….but I learned from it fo sho. Goin to go back to my thought of "be desireless and give away kindness" I like what that does for my demeanor.
RED LIGHT: lemme say I hate the idea of not bein ready for the love train. I think folks want to ride but just arent ready. Having a surf board doesnt mean you can surf. Something told me to be more careful, that she wasnt ready for marriage. But I went ahead anyway. I dont think I made a mistake as much as I learned more about who I am.
GREEN LIGHT: Stickin to ma guns. Dont be afraid to hang it out there. Im quite content with my short stint on the love train. She will be back.
Lemme say..Im a one woman man. Its not a debate. I date one girl at a time. Period. There are no secrets…..if you plan on keeping some ….then keep them to yourself LOL cause I wont be around to hear your lie about how those mysterious texts “are nothing.....really”.
Been there ….caught that.
Good plan?? PASS.
SIDEBAR: Got a buddy who is having a hard time with his girl. She gave him a dear john letter sayin she needs her independance. They’ve spent a month apart geographically and she has decided that she wants a downgrade from lover …….to friend status.
He wanted to know if he should change his facebook status. I said no…...just wait. Punching her back wont serve any purpose to bring you together. What you need to do is show her that you didn’t plan to stamp on her independence. Because its about what you share together. And that you don’t run at the first sign of trouble because she needs someone dependable…someone she can trust when there is doubt. So I told him to throw honey on the fire instead.. Chasing her will only drive her farther away. Distancing yourself is even worse. Earn her trust…….. and her heart will follow. If it doesn’t ……your out NOTHING…..wait for the next wave. Is that good advice?? Dunno……but just like the song says …I cant make you love me…if you don’t.
For me: Until I find a real good limbo partner…gonna have a frosty beverage and enjoy the view.
For you: find us some limbo lessons.
They said it wouldn't last too long
They'll eat their words with a fork and spoon and watch 'em . They'll hit the road and all be surfin' soon
And when they catch a wave they'll be sittin' on top of the world
Bring it……bring your heart with no secrets……and Ill bring honey for the fire. My limbo bar is set low. I know you understand this. So come with me and lets lay on the beach together and wait for the tide to come in....I just want to hold your hand and enjoy the sun until surfs up.
Posted by me at 1:03 PM
Friday, January 13, 2012
Coffin nails, the gods of love chemistry, and a farewell to broken rollercoasters and the circus on wheels
Big smile…….its not that theres so much to say as there is so much to chronicle. Firstly…I have missed you all and am relieved to know bloggyland is still churning out great stories and therapy in my absence!!! Hehehehe Yeah dude…roll with me on this…Ah left the US planning to get married….well…..Ah got the first half of that done..hehehehe.. Now, I cant take credit here.
Do you remember the last time I said
If I ever thought about lying,
I'd rather think of dying instead
And maybe you remember the last time you called me
to say we were through
How it took a million tears
just to prove they all were for you
But those days are through
Cause it wouldn't have made any difference, if you loved me indeed. Lemme say this process is a pouring out, so it might make a mess on the floor but on the upside, it means ma glass is clean and ready to be filled. So smile with me and let me tell you a story.
I have a confession. I was READY to get married…...before I had even touched her. Ahm gonna open with that…..
In getting ready for the trip, she told me in order for her to maintain honor we would have to appear married in public. She would have someone draft fake marriage papers and I agreed to buy some fake wedding rings for us and bring her a promise ring until we got the real things. My budget was really thin because it cost so much to get there and I needed expenses for at least a month.. And I had to pack very light but I was ready.
I finally arrive and….
Its magic…inside and out…..for both of us. At night….her body and heart are bare for me to take. We enjoy every touch, her body under my hand, her smile and eyes big and bright with need and satisfaction. We are a tangle of flesh. …..Hot……..sweaty……. complete intimacy….. like in your dreams……rough and soft…….out of control. Laughing like we had always been together. She is sweet to the core and I adore her.
The first indication that there are mirrors and smoke is …..she smokes......her health Is a disaster...... and has ....UNTREATED breast cancer. Instead of being upset that she has hidden all that from me…. I tell her I love her and we will fight together….even though she WILL be dead in a few years.
I cant define when things slowly go down hill or when they just plain freefall into hell. Needless to say such a determination matters not to a man who is plummeting toward his death from 30 thousand feet.
Three days into the trip…. She tells me NONE of my clothes are fit to wear in public and I look like a construction worker.
Then …She says there is something fishy about me.
Then …She has “doubts” about me.
Then…. She has a fit that the rings are “fake”
Then… She says I was supposed to impress her with my wallet.
At this point ….I put a halt to the circus on wheels….. I tell her that “if I had wanted a woman that wanted me to impress her with my wallet …I could have found that back in the US……and not traveled all the way around the world and spent $3000.
RED LIGHT: wallet hunting is a no no
GREEN LIGHT: Men like to be approached for who they are...not what they can provide.
It makes no difference what color the nail in the coffin is. Even if you pull it out…….the corpse remains.
Things devolved from there.
SIDEBAR..... There is ONE thing in my book that completely totals the love train. Infidelity is ......without question a one way street. You will not recover, rebound or fix a relationship with me once you turn that corner.
She tells me she has a presentation on Friday. It will last all night.
She spends a few late nights “preparing” for the presentation.
The night before……we go out and I gladly BUY her a black purse she needs to match the dress she is BORROWING from a friend for the event.
The next day she returns from work with a NEW black gown with a tag still on it, NEW shoes….and leftovers from chilis.
AH hafta say it takes BALLS to bring me leftovers that another man bought..….and have me buy a you a new purse for a date with another man...and still Im not connecting the dots ….
I watch as she spends three hours getting ready. Boy this is a formal event. Manicure, pedicure, makeup, hair, her friends pour over her forever as she gets ready and they take pictures once she is done.
She leaves and is gone …….all night
And doesn’t return until 6 pm ……..THE NEXT NIGHT. 6.......PM ..... thats the number six with a P and a M...you read that right. Im still calm. stupid......but calm.
The next day…..Her facebook page has 50 pictures of her and some old man in a tux arm in arm at some military ball. Her phone gets a text from him that says "good morning sunshine"….and later he texts “do you need all of the money now??”
Then I accidentally found her yahoo account open .....I looked.... sure enough....Im not sure how many other men were there...wanting a date but lets just say i didnt feel the need to count them all.
Then I found out she was back on the dating site where we had met.
Then just for fun I looked on another dating site...there she was again
and then I looked at a 3rd dating site...she was there too..all active in the last 24 hours...
Then I found another facebook page she had created with just one male friend…. She cleverly changed her name slightly to hide it from me…(how many names does that make she has now???? (Seriously…. I counted 5 versions of her name...same person).
I finally broke at that point…. A little late ya think?
I typed “amazing….you’re a piece of shit” …..send.
No remorse. These are only the highlights……Big smile..I wont bore you with all the other events which took me for a ride…..but there are more..hehehe
Love? Fail……Am I ok ? Big pass.
Trey logan ….you ..are a sooooper genius.
hahaha. But its nice to have saved ma skin and my teeth by the skin of my teeth. So seriously …this has been a success. I avoided a bad mistake.
For me: Lots of good lessons learned for me. And I don’t mind the “I told you so’s.”
For you: Don’t be afraid to let down the walls….love is still there... even though things might not go your way right now.
No one else could change my mind or
stop me coming home to you
But those days are through
Bring it…….bring a new chapter. The Love train is rolling again……Still….the journey is the goal…together…...not the destination. I am anxious for a new chapter….still…the old chapter was an interesting ride….even if a broken rollercoaster….. The gods of love chemistry just cant agree on where my girl is. LOL Am I upset? Not really……Glad my heart is intact ready to give away when its right……and I am on my way again.
Postscript: I selflabel myself as a realist...but ....i guess the punkometer needs a recal.... hehe I realize I said in this post that there were other guys wanting a date from her...... thats the 8th grade boy coming out in me. I may have missed the mark.........wide.
I could have called them johns or customers. I think this post may paint her as a scam artist..true...but i think it says alot about who I am.....and my shortcomings......oh well.... the tide shes a comin in.......gotta get ready for the next wave. Ciao
Posted by me at 7:36 AM