whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Monday, December 28, 2009

Romance, the stars, and the Zagnut effect



People give me flak for spending a lot of time at the gym. “Youre overtraining” “you need recovery time” “why are you here all the time?” hehehe …yeah dude. I admit it…… I work out pretty hard. One thing is for sure. I like results. One thing I do NOT like is NOT getting out what you put into something. That’s life I guess. Some things don’t always produce the results you want, even when you put in the effort. Ya know? School, work, kids, marriage…...I can see how romance gets trampled under the modern foot….Yeah dude…. All things being equal I can see how romance has the deck stacked against it…… So I like going to the gym because I know I will get out of it what goes in. I think its interesting that other people don’t see it this way. They see it as “overtraining”. I kinda see it as dedication and commitment. Now I can’t take credit here.

My love must be a kind of blind love
I can't see anyone but you.

I like that formula. Effort = Results. You can’t say that about everything. I have this ………program….. that works really well in the gym. I’m not OCD about it…but it definitely works…. So I stick with it.
There’s this one guy that comes to the gym all the time and he…..just doesn’t get it. He pushes…he pulls…he lifts….but he’s the same size he was 2 years ago pushing the SAME amount of weight he did 2 years ago. I really want to take him aside and explain what’s wrong with his program….because it pains me to see him put in the effort and get NO results.
The same thing happens when I diet. People always say “you cant do that!!” Really?.......watch me……3 weeks later I lose the weight and people still have the bad sense to say “You cant diet that way”…… Really? …I just did….. and the weights GONE…..what’s wrong with this picture???
I’ve always said… if you want to be smart….do what smart people do….if you want to be rich …do what rich people do…… if you want to be thin…… do what thin people do.
If you want to be in love…do what people in love do…..yeah dude Im a soooper genius. If your taking relationship advice from your girlfriends …who are on their third marriage….consider the source……please.
I want to clue you girls in on why guys aren’t that romantic. Ready????
No one showed them how. Echo..…echo…...echo.
The total amount of relationship advice a boy is given by his father is “turn the wrench to the right to make it tighten and left to loosen…got it? Rightey tighty lefty loosey….can you remember that son?
At no point in time during the football game does dad turn down the sound and say “son make sure you don’t yell at your wife”. Dad apparently yells at the redsocks… and when the mower blows up……so…...were told its ok to yell.
Girls are playing adult when they’re six years old. No wonder your’e ahead of us! Lemme say point blank now that this is where there is always some girl who comments “I didn’t do that”…….Bull…all you girls have played school, teacher, cooking or dolls at some point in time. You may be a tom boy, climb trees an all but you DID play grownup at ONE point in your childhood. I cant STAND it when someone says “not everyone did that” yes I understand your point… 0.2 % of the population REALLY hammers your point home. There goes my theory ….yep……right down the drain. Don’t know WHAT I was thinking ….girls and dolls….boy was I wrong. Chuh……..right. I call this the zagnut effect. At NO point in time has anyone EVER said “yeah…….while your in there …….get a me a zagnut” As soon as I proclaim this….50 people stand up and go “Oh man …..I LOVE zagnuts and I say that three times a week!” Bull $(%)^.
Where was I?.......Oh yeah…. Guys just don’t have much in the way of real world role models for romance. So we don’t really have much to go on. What’s worse I hear women say “he should know what I want” Wow…now THATS a recipe for communication success. Men are supposed to read your mind and know what you want. Women are better communicators? Im not so sure. Romance FAIL. I’m not too hip on the idea that my love life is tied to my ability to mind read. If so ..…I’m in trouble..…and so are you.

Are the stars out tonight?
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright
I Only Have Eyes For You, Dear.

Bring it………..bring something in your eyes. You can read all the romance novels, watch all the soap operas and new moons you want… but if you don’t help us with what turns you on …….we’re just going to continue getting poor marks in the romance department. I’m lucky. I get it. I like being a rock… and I like the feeling of making my woman feel safe and secure. Taking out the trash without being asked….. and not spending the extra cash on some more video games. Hehehe. But I had to figure that out on my own. I’m not complaining. It’s a great place to be. But think about it. Where is your man going to get a lesson in what romance is??…..…unless its from you.

Monday, December 21, 2009

The tango, a snow man, and a bag of bones


Oh man did we GET some snow. Its making things difficult. Beautiful….but difficult. Yeah dude…. I have NOT done my Christmas shoppin yet…… The car is snowed in and may not come out till Tuesday…..not good…. Christmas is coming SOON! I walked 3 miles to the gym and back on Saturday and spent 5 hours….walked again to the gym on Sunday…..New ankle weights and the snow turned the trek in to an exercise…….Oh well….when it snows…..make a snowman I guess.
I have several folks on my mind lately …..all having a rough personal time with their lovers. All for various reasons but… its hardship that’s proving tough…...testing…….questioning……..doubting……..is it over? How do I handle this? What now?
The good times are easy.
Suffice it to say some handle the pressure better than others…. But handling the pressure doesn’t fix the issue does it? I like being able to hit curveballs but if I don’t run the bases what good is it? Now I can’t take credit here.

Under pressure
Under pressure

Dude I am not the best at pickin up the pieces but two things come to mind. 1) What am I doing to help fix the problem that’s within my power (if I can save this thing) 2) What am I going to do now because ……its over. Yes….I AM a sooooper genius…. Aren’t I? LOL. But tell me ...if this is such common sense then why is it that people drag on.....revisiting the same questions with no resolution...over and over.?
I have to laugh because for our anniversary I bought my wife dance lessons thinking it was romantic and fun. Im half Italian so I was ready to pour the hot blood with a rose in my teeth. ..learning the Charleston, big band music…the two of us arm in arm having a good time…..learning the tango……well…it takes two…the money was wasted…….we never used the lessons….. Just like the bicycle built for two… I bought one for another anniversary thinking it would be romantic…. Her response? “why didn’t you just buy two bikes?” LOL……Romance? PASS…….Partner? FAIL.
When I went to take my SAT’s on a Saturday morning I was….. unprepared. Yeah dude…NO tools in the tool box. So I wasn’t looking forward to the experience and getting out of the car I………slammed my thumb in the door.
“YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!” …..A………MM……MM…..A……$%&@! I could barely speak…my thumbnail black and blue, swelling by the second with pressure from the blood. I had to hold it over my head to keep from passing out and I stumbled in to the testing area, dazed. One arm permanently frozen ……above my head.
Question was…...just like my marriage…..what was I going to do now??....... Grit my teeth and go on. No choice.
It wasn’t pleasant…it wasn’t fun….but when I resigned myself to the fact that there was no alternative… I got peace……I got comfort. The results weren’t pretty but I KNEW I would survive…..NO question.
I’ve had relationships that were very important to me go bad. Question was…what was I going to do with the bones? What was I going to do to make sure I didn’t feel bad THIS weekend? next month? Next YEAR?? I don’t want to be reliving this ONE MORE TIME. What good would come from carrying a bag of bones around for a year?
Its OK to grieve….that’s normal….the end of love stinks for sure. Get it out. Let it go. When we were in marriage counseling….my ex-wife wanted some pills to help her through it…the therapist’s response? "No…..you need to feel what’s happening”. LOL She was very good at avoiding A LOT of things (she had another Dr. prescribe stuff anyway). I’ts ok …it was ALL beyond my control.

Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love

Bring it…..…bring your best. I hear a lot of folks talk about the other person when they’re breaking up. It’s NOT about the other person. Its about YOU. If it’s beyond your control….let it go. Trust me… you look a lot sexier without a bag of bones on your back. I can think of other things that would look good there! Hehe.
I can meet you. But I can’t walk through the snow AND bury your bones. I could. But I wont. And waiting till the snow melts? …..If you do...well…then ....my beauty its just………..water.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Parade rain, sour grapes, and PD's of A


Cool dude. I like to see people happy. What a good feeling. Ya know?? Gonna speak ma piece here. Its probably gonna hit some folks the wrong way. So….be prepared!! And I have to admit I don’t like being the voice of dissent because I really have a problem with letting people around me down, or alienating them because my thoughts are a bit different. Yeah dude that just gets me down. If youre sellin sour grapes.....I'm not buyin. I tend to try and see those things that we have in common because for me there is comfort in that. REAL connection is almost a drug…… ya know? Nothing feels as good as when I GET YOU…… Connection to someone else is very satisfying. That’s why communication breakdown and failure is interesting to me………Now I can’t take credit here.

There have been times in my life
I've been wondering why
Still somehow I believed
We'd always survive
Now I'm not so sure

Public displays of affection. Im ……for it. Sorry. Go ahead. Say it…..…..Say it……. .EEEYOO……. YUCK……..GET A ROOM……DO THEY HAVE TO DO THAT? …..IM GONNA BE SICK……
Yeah, Yeah….I get your point. …. I think….. You have sour grapes and would rather rain on someone’s parade cuz YOUR love life sucks………..haha …wait ….what?...... That wasn’t your point? I missed it?
Ok then what WAS your point? …..that….they ….just….um…shouldn’t…….um……do that….in public…yeah…...YEAH, That’s my point!!! Because……..because….I shouldn’t have to see it!
Lemme hang it out there. If you have a problem with that then………I agree….you have a problem. They don’t. Do you think for half a second that two people deep in love give a flip about what you don’t care to see? Case closed.
Excuse me for having feelings. I mean...my love life might suck too..so I understand ...but you dont see me raining on someones elses parade.
I talked to a guy the other day and asked him how his marriage was going……to my discredit I half expected the typical answer. Instead I got “ Good……..its good…..I mean ..we have our differences …but the good times far outweigh the bad”. SCORE dude. A drink of the good stuff. I was glad for them, ya know??? Love??...PASS...sour grapes?...FAIL
I spend A LOT of time in the gym. Its trash talk and testosterone on the football field. Head butting, shut the F(&^ up and HIT somebody……hurt them if you can mentality. I’m a running back so I’m THE target. So I welcome a taste of the good stuff.

Are you gonna wait for your sign, your
miracle
Stand up and fight
This is it
Make no mistake where you are
This is it
You said that maybe it's over
Not if you don't want it to be
For once in your life, here's your miracle
Stand up and fight
This is it

Bring it…………bring that connection that only love brings. I understand if you have sour grapes over hearing about other peoples bliss…its hard when the love train isn’t stopping in your town... but to me sour grapes is really just wine in disguise. Your time will come. Nothing makes me happier than to have someones head on my chest …all curled up where the two of us fit together from head to foot. Real intimacy doesn’t come along very often…. Yeah I’m a sooooper genius…But every day you pass that up……when it shows up.….. Cuz your stubborn, protective, scared even…….makes me want to frown. I know it can be hard to be flexible but …. just don’t hand me sour grapes. Instead I’d rather you be ready…..
Cause its hard to beat love in the shower while you drink southern comfort from my hand. Whats wrong with red, white, or a merlot?....nothing…. ill be happy to take a shot of Jack if you promise not to bring sour grapes…….another round for the house ifya please!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Barb wire, the ghost, and a crash and burn


Yeah dude. Some things just do NOT go as planned. Think about it. Education, raising kids, career, health, marriage (LOL)……..the nearly second marriage (hehe) Ida done it again. What you expect isn’t what you get. Yeah I’m a sooooper genius. …. Were the same. You and me. I’ve put my best foot forward….…and fallen flat on ma face. Well……. no ones perfect. Every once in a while something does come along. And it FEELS…………. perfect. Thats why 8th grade love has a real hold over me. Just ONCE it would be nice to not crash AND burn. Cuz nuthin else seems to go as planned. Even this post……. I couldn’t seem to pick and choose what parts of this song to leave out…… ..because its exactly the way I feel. Its perfect just as it is. Now I can’t take credit here.

There's a letter on the desktop
that i dug out of a drawer
the last truce we ever came to
in our adolescent war
and i start to feel the fever
from the warm air through the screen
you come regular like seasons
shadowing my dreams
and the mississippi's mighty
but it starts in minnesota
at a place that you could walk across
with five steps down
and I guess that's how you started
like a pinprick to my heart
but at this point you rush right through me
and i start to drown
and there's not enough room
in this world for my pain
signals cross and love gets lost
and time passed makes it plain
of all my demon spirits
i need you the most
i'm in love with your ghost
i'm in love with your ghost

It was 10th grade and I had just gotten my license. Oh yeah dude…time to IMPRESS all the lovely L A D I E S…………My first date with Brenda was…….my last date with Brenda…. y…….eah….. It didnt go as planned. Not….AT all dude. I kinda ……..talked my way into it.. She wasn’t real interested. But I don’t back away from a challenge easily. I’m dancing, Im singin, I’m telling jokes, I’m ……….making a fool out of myself. It’s like a bad vaudeville carnival act on espresso……and a five hour energy just to make sure I maximize being retarded. I just could NOT act normal around her.
Where was I?
Oh yeah…… so…. she agrees to a date and I plan on continuing my barrage of bad timing and juvenile jokes to the sound of crickets crying…….
But this time I have…..the FIAT. Oh yeah dude… what girl can resist the top down red Italian convertible? I spent about 3 hours polishing and vacuuming every square inch.
I cant lose……..or so I thought.
I tortured her for about 3 hours. Exhausted, I had tried every stupid trick in the book and in the end I was racing to get her back home …….just to end it. I HAVE GOT to get this OVER with!!! Mayday! Mayday! I’m going DOWN!! CAN YOU SEE THESE FLAMES? GOD ITS HOT IN HERE!!!! IS ANYBODY WATCHING THIS? OH….GOD….…. MAYBE I CAN CHANGE MY NAME…… MOVE OUT OF STATE….IS THIS HOW PRISONERS OF WAR FEEL?? …..OH PLEASE MY SWEET LORD…IM BEGGING YOU…...HELP ME!!!!!……JESUS WAS ONLY ON THE CROSS FOR THREE DAYS….THIS IS GOING TO LAST …FOR…….EVER!!!!
So I get her home and the awkwardness is almost over. I keep the car running and put it in reverse while she gets out. She waves goodbye and I gun it…………miss the driveway COMPLETELY…… going backwards….. over the hill……. out of site…… and crash into a barbwire fence.
Per…..…..fect.
I turn the stereo off….
And sit there…..
“ARE YOU OK????”
“yeah…...I’m…..….. fine……I……….how bout you?”
She comes running down the hill.
“are you sure?”
“I’m…..…fine……thank you.”
“I don’t think you’re going to be able to get out of here without driving along the fence.”
“I’m…..yeah”. I was looking straight ahead……. a blank stare……the car…pinned up against the fence. She was talking….
“ifna s upa foo tay kooble pooma fee..........pooma fee??”…but I just wasn’t listening. I started the car up…….put it into gear and……
The sound of raking finger nails down a chalkboard was deafening….. the barb wire SCREAMED……taking all the paint off the side of the car as I went…… finally……I made it up to the road………and I……. just kept going.
Yeah dude …..date……FAIL.
That did not go as planned. Crash AND burn.


dark and dangerous like a secret
that gets whispered in a hush
(don't tell a soul)
when i wake the things i dreamt about you
last night make me blush
(don't tell a soul)
and you kiss me like a lover
then you sting me like a viper
i go follow to the river
play your memory like a piper
and i feel it like a sickness
how this love is killing me
i'd walk into the fingers
of your fire willingly
and dance the edge of sanity
i've never been this close
i'm in love with your ghost
unknowing captor
you never know how much you
pierce my spirit
but i can't touch you
can you hear it
a cry to be free
oh i'm forever under lock and key
as you pass through me
now i see your face before me
i would launch a thousand ships
to bring your heart back to my island
as the sand beneath me slips
as i burn up in your presence
and i know now how it feels
to be weakened like achilles
with you always at my heels
this bitter pill i swallow
is the silence that i keep
it poisons me i can't swim free
the river is too deep
though i'm baptized by your touch
i am no worse than most
in love with your ghost

Bring it………….bring love that’s effortless. Yeah I was jumping through a lot of hoops. For what? Some things just don’t go as planned. I’ve tasted love that’s effortless and I admit…….. I miss it. Crashing and burning just is NOT fun. But I learned a lot from it. Be myself first. Leave the sophomore tricks to the sophomores. Been there…..done that. But I do my best to learn from a mistake. And this was valuable dude. Really. It cost me a lot to get the car fixed but it was worth it in the long run. My next car was a piece of crap sunbird, and I learned a lesson there too. Everybody crashes and burns….but I’d rather drive than be a passenger…....you comin or what?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Homecoming, the whip, and the milestone


Yea dude! I reached a milestone! A revelation! A rite of passage! I broke 100 posts! Of course I missed the actual 100th one… (LOL that’s typical)…this is like 102 or something……The bad news?? I might start doing some reposting….LOL. you know how much I like revisiting my past!!! And I’m probably going to be posting less often…. Im sorry because truly its nice to have all of you along with me…and I love reading all your blogs!!!!!!…I just need a little time to refocus……..wonder if we will get to 200 posts???……LOL something to look forward to!! So for now I’m dancing a little jig!
When I was senior Sonya invited me to go to her homecoming dance…..”really?......are you sure?” I got this “are you talking to me look”….. my head …..sideways….. like a puppy.…..”yeah…that would be great!!” I’m thinkin…..What in the world is a rich, good looking girl from Northside doing asking me to her homecoming dance?? …. Fever??.....Did she lose a bet??...... wait a minute….. this a joke ….right? I mean someone dared you to bring a hick to the dance…..or something….
Now…….lemme say that ….I LOVE music……and when I say LOVE….I MEAN IT!!!! My dear followers…Ifn ya only knew how much money I have spent on guitars, basses, drums and keyboards over the years you would certainly die from sticker shock….. AND……even though m a guy….…I love to dance……..Now I cant take credit here.

When a problem comes along
You must whip it
When something's goin' wrong
You must whip it

Now…...none of this would normally be a problem…….except we end up IN the dance contest……..Now…Im going to date myself here…….Back in the day we had…….FUNK. Earth Wind and Fire, Rick James, LTD, I mean….. whos gonna NOT like Parliament-Funkadelics????
Where was I?
Oh yeah……. So….we get into the FINALS and ……….Nobody of course knows who I am cause this is NOT my school!!!!! So…… its turning out to be a GREAT date….Sonyas all jazzed cause shes with Mr mysterio……… and we’re down to the last two couples….. and me???? Im NOT worried….. this is going to be a night to remember BOY!!!!!
And then……………….
The DJ starts to play……………..whip it……….
by DEVO……..
ogodogodogodogod………
I look over at the DJ and all the blood runs out of my head……
What in THE #$%# … is…. this …..#$^&@ ing ….. Sh&*???????? You CANT dance to this??????? can you? Can you dance to this??? OMANOMANOMAN..…. Im just……...standing there. Sonyas…… STARING at me……
True story……..Sonya SCREAMS…….. “DO SOMETHING!!!!”
SO………
I start flinging myself around ….flailing my arms like an idiot……. I look like a chicken….. that’s being electrocuted……...seriously. Im clearly…… in pain… because I HATE punk…HATE IT……..Im flinging myself around the room like a schizophrenic epileptic……. Im having a seizure…..…Im fightin myself….Im seizing ….Im fightin myself…Im seizing AND fighting myself at the same time. I look like Im possessed……..by three different, clearly disturbed and uncoordinated people who failed anger management class…….
Finally.
The music stops………….. I think.
Im covered in sweat.
About to pass out from panting.

We lost……..
I don’t remember what happened after that. I think she rushed me out of the gym lest they stone us just on general principles alone. Yeah dude……..Good time….FAIL.

I say whip it
Whip it good

Bring it……….bring a sense of humor. Even if you’re the butt of the joke. I promise not to make fun of ya……Im not too cool with that. But I do love a good laugh with someone I care for. Now....I STILL cant stand that song......so I might not bring out a whip but it would be nice to hold my love down and make her forget about a hard day with just the right amount of slow increasing pressure, in the right place and...........then............hold.
The adult world has enough seriousness anyway. Bills, work, raising kids, a bad economy, scarce jobs and gas prices are enough to ruin your day so you better bring sumpin home that will bring a smile or a laugh. Now Im not saying I want you to put on some DEVO or start doing standup….…but it might be nice to be pelted with circus peanuts for a change………hehehehe!

Monday, December 7, 2009

A suitcase, new snow, and the history lesson


Yeah dude the first snow makes it all new again…….cool……We got our beautiful white blanket this weekend. Cleansing. Clear. Fresh. Cold. Prisitne. Untainted. ……..You can almost HEAR it falling.. Yeah dude. Wonderous………..Dreams of Norman Rockwell indeed. Im with ya……Its nice to have that kind of feeling. That you can start something over. It only seems fair. Ya know?? Like a “do over” in kickball….Its nice to be able to begin again.
Truth be told… I ……..I…. can dish it out but sometimes I .........have to work HARD at taking it. Im not an advocate of armchair warfare its just…. I sometimes can’t seem to practice what I preach. So trust me ……this lesson is for me dude.
Now I can’t take credit here.

Then you love a little wild one
And she brings you only sorrow
All the time you know she's smilin'
You'll be on your knees tomorrow, yeah

Dumper dumpee….cheater cheatee……hehehe….. however it ends you would think there would be something valuable to learn about a breakup. When youre the dumper its always about what was wrong with the other person…….. but think about it….when youre the dumpee…its still about how the other person was at fault… something just doesn’t add up about that. I mean .......It cant always be the OTHER person....…I guess I would be kinda hacked off too if after every break up …...it was the other persons fault. That would make me….jaded…….cautious……protective…….hesitant to let anyone in. Does that sound familiar?? Oh yeah…..I’m carryin baggage today. I’m guilty. I have to make sure my past doesn’t ruin my future. It doesn’t make sense for me to look for love only to stare at it from a distance when it comes a knockin.
Now Im not suggestin you don’t pack your bags or bring your luggage… I mean you can’t very well do without your past. But there is much to learn that I overlook. Do I pick abusers? Do I attract selfish people? Why cant I spot a liar? What is it about ME that might need a fixin? Am I complete by myself? Why am I a sucker for brunettes?? hehehehe ……
Every break up is a chance to start clean. I need to take advantage of that……..new snow is a chance to take the coat out of the baggage and enjoy the view…….Besides I don’t like the idea of stuffing my suitcase full with bitterness or jealousy. Why would I want to carry that around with me? Who would want someone who carries that around? If I need my suitcase I better be bringing something for good you. I like that idea much better. So I best be learnin from my mistakes.How does that quote go? “Those who ignore the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it.” Yeah dude…..History class….FAIL

You go back Jack do it again
Wheel turnin' 'round and 'round
You go back Jack do it again

Bring it………..bring some more snow. It’s a chance to start over. Yeah I can carry my own bags but…….but then what would I hold you with? ….pack light for me will ya? They’re callin for more snow……

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Love, 1845, and sending in the clowns



Dude…… you know how Im big on motivations? You are going to like this post…...really! I am going to demystify something very important…….Ready? Why is the divorce rate so high? I’ll tell you RIGHT NOW.
Its because people in modern western society marry for love……. ??????......... what was that again??.....L O V E. When the love is gone there is nothing else to hold it together. Now I cant take credit here.

Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.

I want you to follow me closely on this. Pretend its 1845. Why does a girl in 1845 in Iowa get married? I’ll tell you why. Shes 14. and the man she marries is the boy who lived close enough to borrow his dads horse and was within RIDING distance of your house and could take Sunday afternoon off to meet you AND your parents on the front porch of the house. Read that again.
How many guys do you think come by? Be serious….. 3? ….. Maybe? What if they were all ugly? Theres a darn good chance….. have you seen pics from that time? No hot showers…….no regular baths……..razors….makeup and hair supplies….. Oh yeah appearances were NOT stunning. In fact theyre downright frightful. So now your parents get to choose which guy your going off with...not you...and its…between the two that showed up…. ….. you may not have EVEN kissed the guy yet!!!!! Hows that for match making???? You did NOT pick and choose as you wished.…..Read that again.
So now your married. Living on a parcel of his folks land. The kids come quick. 2, 3, 4, 5. How many people do you see a day? ……. Ready? No one other than your husband……No internet, no PHONE …..no CAR!!!! …. NO CAR!! The nearest neighbor is at least 10 miles away. There is WORK to be done around the house…..the daughters are with you and the boys with their dad in the field. There is NO walmart!!! You don’t go to the store except on Sunday. In fact you don’t even leave the house all week!! And no one stops by!!! Do you realize how long and far it is to ride 10 miles ON A HORSE.???? THERE ARENT EVEN PAVED ROADS!!!!! YOU SEE NO ONE!!! NO……ONE!!! Read that again.
NOW….is all that sinking in?????? Visualize this world…….Hey just divorce the guy if you don’t like him anymore!! Come on……. just give him back the ring and …….and……what? Get a job? Wrong……there were no jobs for women…. Period. NONE!!!! Heck you cant even read or write..... Take the kids and get an attorney!!! R……ight……Get an apartment!!........where? They have apartments in rural Iowa?……r……ight….you didn’t EVEN own anything other than the clothes on your back that YOU made. No TV, No texting, No computer. Is this picture getting clearer?????? Love had NOTHING to do with getting married. Read that again.
It made NO difference whether you loved your husband or not. You were NOT getting divorced. Period. He worked the land and brought in dinner. You prepared it and mended the clothes….ya old, stinky, no toothbrushin hairy leg thing you…….You wouldn’t even live to be 40 years old!!!!!! It didn’t matter whether he beat you, you didn’t like him, or he stayed drunk all the time. Hows that for fun?????? You think you got troubles NOW????

Just when I'd stopped
Opening doors,
Finally knowing
The one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again
With my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.

Bring it………..bring some magic for the show……… People get divorced now because when the LOVE wears off there is nothing left to hold it together. That’s why a happy relationship is built on MORE than love. More than his choice of car. More than his height. It survives because its kind and thoughtful. It survives because its based on respect and care. …….If this is a circus, then I want someone I love next to me…so give me your hand …….send in the clowns.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Bed making, a gander, and Waskeys Mill


Goose? Gander? Does it matter? It does in my world dude!! ……you make your bed…so…..dont poop in your own backyard……if ya know what I mean. ....Wait.......Im getting confusing again.
I’m gonna wrap this subject up (finally!! Trey) … I just do NOT like double standards..….and of course nobody seems to like a cheater but I can think of one instance where it might …..might mind you ….be ok. I’m not sayin its right but…….If you start a fight …...expect some bruises. That’s my motto…..Yeah this is the kind of preaching NO ONE likes…….In fact I have to swallow my own medicine……..so don’t take any of this personal…… I’m there with ya.
I used to be hardnosed and thought that cheating in any form was bad…… and there certainly is a right and wrong way to end a relationship but……if your partner is running around I………wont crucify you for leveling the playing field. If someone plans on cooking your goose then get the gander knife ready.
My thinking has changed on this subject over the years. If your partner is cheating you don’t have a relationship to save through martyrdom. In a perfect world the cheatee would just get out the relationship with honor intact and then date. Its NOT a perfect world. Whatcha think? Now I can’t take credit here.

Wondering if I've done it wrong
Will this depression last for long

The snow is coming down heavy and Jody, Mark, Buck and I are to hold up at Marks house….Miraculously, everyone’s parents are out of town. But first …....provisions. Waskeys Mill is THE place. Now…….I’m only sixteen…….as a starving wrestler I…….do NOT look old enough to buy beer. I can barely see over the counter. But always the risk taker and danger be damned so…….
Waskeys Mill was this little country store no bigger than my bedroom. Waaayyy out of town. I didn’t have a fake ID so if this backfired…… plan B was to run into the woods. So I pull in and the place is empty….the floors are wooden and creak when you walk. BOTH isles are packed to the ceiling with everything from radiator belts to loaves of bread. I control my breathing and walk to the back… omanomanomanoman….. I pick out a twelve pack of miller and struggle to get it to the counter. With both hands and some body english I heave it up and slide it back to the old man behind the register. …..OGODOGODOGOD…… I slide a ten dollar bill across… looking like Max, the dog in the Grinch that stole Christmas…..blink…. blink…... and wait for him to pull out a shotgun. Instead he gives me back some change and I …….exhale…. pull the ton of beer down and stroll out ….trying to carry it like a man ……..without bending over to one side. I reach the car and …..its ALL good. I am the KING TONIGHT BOY! “Who bought the beer?” “LOGAN???” “yeah man…no sweat.”
We drink. We crank the Aerosmith. We drink. We fix spaghetti. We drink. We throw up spaghetti, we…….pass out. The house is a wreck. Indoor snowball fights. Puke everywhere. Somebody knocked Jody OUT. O U T. Out. Needless to say we all got in trouble.. You make your bed…you lie in it.
Where IN the world are you going with this?
Well……is it still cheating if the marriage is in tatters and you already know your partner is cheating? I know I’ve been in that box and…….Im glad Im divorced. If anything I plan to get a call from her current husband one day and hear ”man is she a cheatin bitch or what?” hehehehe. Seriously. Do you blame someone for looking for comfort after their partner has ruined the relationship? Im not sure that I do. As a PI, I saw a lot of folks in pain but nothing, and I mean NOTHING pisses me off more than a guy who IS cheating AND treats the wife like a possession. Some women have a philosophy of “keep the peace” or backing down to avoid a fight…..If your so blinded to not see the truth about your cheating spouse just to keep the dream alive……its possible you might be an enabler….Im just sayin. You know those relationships where you “did everything he wanted” and it still didn’t keep it together? Well…..not many men enjoy shooting fish in a barrel.

Where have all the good times gone
Where have all the good times gone

Bring it………bring some sause for the goose. Of course it works just as well on the gander. I don’t think anyone likes the idea of cheating… but that only seems to hold when youre the cheatee…..but I have to say that if your spouse is cheating….. I got NO problem these days with saying I don’t believe in double standards. Staying with a cheater only hurts you !!!!! Yeah Im a soooper genius…..If you lie down with dogs…. Making the bed isn’t going to keep the fleas away. It might just be time to start the broiler for gander instead.. Now…….whos hungry?

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Green grass, three wheels, and the college road trip


I want to thank all you girls for being so interested in lending an ear. I like that! Im going to ramble a bit on this post because I want to say a few things and then get off this subject for a while and give everybody a break from me since it’s the holidays!! ….
My first undergrad experience was at a little college where everyone left on the weekends……yeah dude…kids would leave and go to the bigger schools to see how REAL schools partied. Two words dude. Road ……trip. I suppose we wanted to see what the grass was like on the other side. Maybe see something new. Ya know? A chance to get away. To me those all sound like legitimate excuses….. ..I mean….…reasons…..to get out of town. Bottom line it was just a weekend thing. Not permanent. Just a diversion cause…….come Monday…it was back to class. No harm….no foul.
Lately that’s the way I’ve been thinking about……….cheating. I think I mentioned that I’ve seen my fair share of infidelity working as a PI. Now I can’t take credit here.

'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't

One time my buddy across the hall BEGGED me to take him to see his girlfriend…….. at Appalachian State. He didn’t have a car and I didn’t have a girlfriend so I said sure…….as long as she set me up so I didn’t feel like a third wheel. SO …..road trip it was……
We get there on Friday and the love birds are………. joined at the hip. My date…….bombed…..so I slept in the car for two nights and days with my books……Honestly it was ok….I was doing my friend a favor and there would be other times for me. Thing was……I think he already HAD a girlfriend…..Uh……dude?..........love….….FAIL. …. Do not pass go….Do not collect 200 dollars. What ARE you doing????
WHY DO GUYS CHEAT? I’ll tell you my take. If you will tell me why you think girls cheat.... Deal?
Me first. The times that I wasn’t on the straight and narrow was when…….I wasn’t really in love. Looking back …we might have gotten along great….but I wasn’t in love and I knew my heart wasn’t in it……and when I started getting butterflies in the presence of another…….well……
Truthfully….the relationship was dead. Even if someone hadn’t come along I would have ended it in a week or so anyway.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
ON THE OTHER HAND. I have heard some pretty weak excuses from guys. (not that mine are reverent) like…. “Im always looking for something better” …WT???…I guess some people are never happy with their own backyard so they eye the neighbors grass.
I’ve seen guys trade DOWN instead of up. Here me ladies ….I will explain this NOW. Please follow ……(these are rules…..to which there are exceptions so excuse the generalities and blanket statements cause its not always the case) Bear in mind some guys cheat because they…have no backbone…or…..think with the wrong body part, etc.etc.
MY experience goes like this……(now please dont get upset because you think im living in 1952...alot of this is fallout from western social history)...Home is sanctuary for men. We are told what to do from 9-5 while at work. Men are defined by their work. Which is important given that women are defined by their life at home. Work is a focus for men (traditionally) and home is a focus for women (traditionally). The SAHM puts her energy there and expects help from her partner as her goals are centered around the house. Enter ….the man. Hes worked all day so far and been told what to do. When he gets home he expects time away from being told what to do because all work and no play makes jack a dull boy. IMMEDIATE CONFLICT. What about the trash? What about helping with the kids? What about the laundry? A woman sees these things as priority. I have bad news.….THESE things are NOT a priority for a man. I hear women all the time say “he wouldn’t know what to do without me”. Don’t fool yourself…Im telling ya…we will just live in squalor. Its not pretty. Its not fun. But it’s the truth. If men thought it a priority they would run home and start doing the laundry. ….
I admit it. Men are taught work skills not home or relationship skills. So we end up neglecting what women think is important.
Funny thing….I did do the laundry and cleaned house until one day I asked her if it made a difference …she said……”no”. I stopped contributing after that…..no remorse….I couldn’t reach her cause she was already gone. So I quit after I realized I was the only one IN the relationship. LOL I frequently say that I worked ON the relationship and she worked on getting OUT of the relationship!! ……..She won!!!
Where was I?
Oh yeah……when home life turns into home work, men will go looking for sanctuary elsewhere…..I suppose that’s the same thing that women do….when the man starts treating them poorly…they look elsewhere. Yeah I‘ve said it before …Im a sooooper genius.
I think there is a difference between cheating and being used though……Its kinda hard for me to dump on some girl who decides to cheat when the hubby is a pile of….&%^*($….my own experience was the ex was a user….now THAT is not cool. A repeat offender even…..very uncool.

Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't

Bring it………….bring someone with gardening skills.….. I think we can all say we’ve been cheated on……even been on the other side of the fence too. I have always been in love with the thought of 8th grade love though. Ya know? Cheating was never a part of that world…….butterflies…….holding hands……. So yeah I’d trade sleepin in my car in college for that feeling of a first kiss in 8th grade. Pucker up ….buttercup! I need a kiss before I work on the lawn!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

New Butterflies, Fidelity, and the jerk



I notice from time to time that Im just NOT like other guys I know……not any better….just….different. When I tell people I have never done any drugs they say “sure”……. When I say girl on girl action does NOTHING for me…..they say “……r……ight”….When I say I don’t control my partner they still look at me funny. Im finding out that control is a common theme for relationships….. not cool…..I have to admit …I DO like being a bad boy and a thrill seeker but control freaks quite frankly……….suck.
I started thinking bout this when…………last week……someone…..kinda sorta…started …..showin me some interest…….hmmmm…very cute…Im startin to grow…… butterflies…....WAIT A MINUTE……she has a ring on…..”aren’t you??.........” ………”yes” ……”O………..K”.
The story is typical …..he cheated…..several times……now he controls where she goes, who she sees, what she WEARS, and she has to call him WHENEVER she gets in a car. He screens the phone bill and she isn’t allowed friends. …….. A perfect marriage. Now I cant take credit here.

Rulers make bad lovers
You better put your kingdom up for sale

In my own marriage I always thought you had to be yellin, screamin and throwing pots and pans to be unhappy…..THAT was the signal that there was trouble in paradise…yeah dude….….WRONG….. I was wrong….as a hollow person it was easy for her to conceal that she was cheating...she just ..acted normal...…I just....never knew……sound familiar?
I heard a statistic on the radio the other day that 35% of HAPPILY married women cheat. Ready???....... 65 % of HAPPILY married men cheat….this is NOT good……Im not happy about this…… AT ALL……I mean ……..what are the percentages of UNHAPPILY married couples that cheat??? JEESH…I talked to a guy friend of mine (who had cheated on HIS NEW bride….with his sister in law no less) and he said …”yeah happiness has nothing to do with me staying faithful……its just.... lust”…. Theyre still together and expecting a child……FR…..IIGGGG!!!!!!! COME …..ON…. MAN!!!! I feel like Mr. Douglas on green acres. Everyone else is nuts and Im the only normal one in town.
When I got divorced I became a PI and started a company called fidelity investigations. I NEVER had a client walk through my door that didn’t have a cheating spouse. NE…..VER. Where was I?
Oh yeah……
Have I always been faithful?.............No. I don’t want to lie and say I’m the ivory tower of honor. There were a few times that youth or weakness got the best of me….I’m not proud of those times…..but I never tried to string two people along……that’s…..just…….evil…dude.
BUT…. I understand why guys want control…… its just that its wrong outside the bedroom. Hear me ladies…men seek control because they have no control over how much their insurance costs…how much they get paid…..when the car breaks down…..Men will take control WHEREVER they can… unfortunately it means badgering their woman because theyre insecure….and women back down to keep the peace.
Being a man means being in control. Be responsible with money, do the laundry and take out the trash…WITHOUT BEING ASKED. Then a woman is at ease to let you be in control under the covers. Nothing is more sexy than a woman who is submissive because she trusts a man to take control of her…..vulnerable to the touch of my hand on your neck when I kiss you or stretching you out and holding your wrists down…….Controlling a woman outside the bedroom does NOTHING for the relationship. You know that and I know that….some people….don’t. To me that signals the END of it.

Is it over now?--do you know how?
To pick up the pieces and go home.

Bring it………..bring some fidelity…. In fact bring a lot of it. Nothing sucks more than being cheated on …..except being cheated on AND controlled…now that REALLY sucks. Its obvious to me that guys will EVEN try to control a woman AFTER the relationship is over!!!! Control……..FAIL.. …I understand why girls think were stupid.…its deserved…..…If you’ve survived having a jerk for a partner…….Im proud of you!......But cut me some slack…I might still want to …....tie you up….....just a little.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The friend zone, Switch flippin and Mikes market


The best relationships that I can remember were the ones that started with friendship. There were ones that turned you into a grinning puppet….And there were the ones that screamed instant lust. When you’re looking for love it’s easy to accidentally undervalue friendship as a starting point. Dude I want the dizziness and butterflies too….dont get me wrong…A blank stare usually means I’m not thinking right. As I get older it seems just as hard to find the treasure of true friends as it is a worthwhile lover. I know there are plenty of folks that will say they’ve had friends stab them in the back but it seems people trust their friends MORE than their lovers…. Ya know??? I mean Im looking for someone who can flip my switch… but really I’m looking for someone who’s a friend that flips my switch. Does that make sense? Now I can’t take credit here.

Ah you’re the best friend
That I ever had
Been with you such a long time
You’re my sunshine

In forth grade Jody and I decided to take our 2 bucks and go to Mikes market on foot. If we went on foot the trip was sure to take a while and dude TWO….count em TWO bucks!!!!…..how would we carry all that loot home???! A perfect summer day. Birds…….crickets…....sun……..no worries…....no schedule……...and then………..Jody SCREAMS!!!!!!! ………..and picks up a five dollar bill!!!!………shoot……..it would take me over a month…….a MONTH to get that kind of allowance….he was jumping up and down and waving it around…..gr..….eat……and then I look down…….another five dollar bill!!!!! OH YEAH DUDE……. We’re jumpin,, we’re singin…….real treasure. We run the rest of the way yelling….FIVE BUCKS !!!! FIVE BUCKS!!!!
So we load up…… ALL the wacky packages, swamp thing comic books, fistfuls of candy bars, 100 pieces of gum (just to be safe)…….trip after trip to the counter….the bounty in piles…….by the time were done… each had a grocery bag FULL….and I mean FULL of sugar. A boy’s bag of dreams. Yeah dude……what sting o diabetes??? I wasn’t sure what diabetes was…..its sounded cool though……I didn’t care I had TREASURE!! Were stuffin our mouths……. before we EVEN leave the store.
This bubble is as big as my head!! OOK!! OOK!...... Itha wecord!!!.....Itha wecord!! We had so much energy it just HAD to be a good idea to jump off the football fields announcers box onto those sponges…..HAD to be. Oh yeah were buzzin……after 30 minutes of flips and funniest look jumps we raised the stakes. What’s better than jumping off???? …ummmm……. Jumping off……. NAKED!!!! Yeah dude……a sugar buzz does strange things……
Trey ….. youre a sooooper genius……I know all this…..yeah that’s true. But I gotta tell ya…..I need reminding myself…cause there have been times I have picked a lover (including my ex wife) that I wouldn’t even have as a friend…..bet you have too…. Fair-weather, short tempered, selfish….........friendship…...FAIL

OOO you’re makin me live
Whenever this world is cruel to me
I’ve got you to help me forgive

Bring it………bring friendship. All the gum in the world means nothing if there’s no one to share it with. We never got caught and the day was as much fun as two friends could have. No bills, No planning, No regrets……. Jody was just a friend…. The kind that you CANT forget and CANT find in the adult world…..
I find people looking for love but not for friends anymore… I guess the friend zone is not the place to get stuck….. I don’t worry about that….I could never stop love from happening when it was right…. The friend zone wasn’t an issue. Since love is built on trust I cant think of a better foundation than friendship. Someone you can laugh ……cry…...trust …..and be yourself with Love and friendship are rare treasures.....….finding both together??????.........priceless……want some gum?

Friday, November 13, 2009

Bombshell Bliss was sweet and gave me an award!!!!


Bombshell Bliss was kind enough to give me an award!! Woo-Woo Thank you! Dancin like snoopy, hehehee dancing like steve martin!! Hehehe
Truthfully I have to say with all my heart I appreciate the thoughts you ladies bring to me. I mean that. There are times when I think Ive sorted out something and there isn’t room for change and BAM!! Somebody hits me with a curve ball!!!! Cool…...If there is something personal that I can help any of you with….please ask….
Now I have the task of giving out awards myself. Which is hard cause I like ALL the blogs I read! Here goes……


http://angietheantitheist.blogspot.com/

Angie has had it rough….and I love a survivors story dontcha know

http://invisibleseductress.blogspot.com/

is a fabulous writer! (she wont tell me her real name) Funnier than a woman should be.

http://bloggerfriendly.blogspot.com/

Kimberly frequently has MAN pictures

http://robyncoffman.blogspot.com/
Is all Heart……. 

http://30andstartingover.blogspot.com/

Heather wants to hit me in my lump head. For a Russian shes pretty cute though…..



Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.

Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog.

Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Smiling faces, paintin the house, and the social contract


Dilemma dude………but Im gonna let it fly cause truth is best…right?? I SWEAR…… Im EASY to get along with…..EASY cheesy lemon squeezy.......parcheesi....hehehe And I know we all have our differences…..but if you break a social contract with me ……..I…….dont recover. Its harsh…….I……..know……...and I promise that I love being flexible…its just that I have a standard and that standard means DON’T LIE TO ME. Don’t break a social contract. Don’t USE me. Its not negotiable. Now I can’t take credit here.

Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes
They don't tell the truth

Switch gears here. This is the house I grew up in. Its wooden and yeah Norman Rockwell fantasizes about painting it.
My dad was…..IS ………an asshole. There ….I said it….and yeah I meant it. There was the time he stole this guys brand new Cadillac and hid it……… for a WEEK …..then returned it to the same spot. Just to screw with the guy. One time he came out of a waffle house drunk and asked an officer in the parking lot (for fun) “Do you know where the waffle house is?” …..they locked him up….. Dude……Where in the
world ARE you going with this??
Ok…back to the house….I was in 5th grade and dad says “I need you to help me paint the house”. OK ……Brush….paint…bucket…ladder…..no sweat….until…..”son the ladder wont reach the top……So Im going to get on the roof and tie a rope around your waist” ……..blink……..blink…… “and” ……..”AND WHAT DAD????”.... “don’t worry”……”DON’T WORRY????...Did you JUST tell me?? …that im going to be suspended in mid air ….two floors up..…by a rope…...around my waist..….that youre going to hold…...when you put that beer down…..
……ogodogodogodogod……
All the blood ran out of my head.
Years later…when I tried to tell him that I wish he had been around more when I was young…..he had the ,,,,BALLS…...BALLS to tell me “I wasn’t around so you would learn to do things for yourself”. …Yeah dad.....sure.....Fatherhood…...FAIL.
There was this local girl I was kinda interested in. And she broke our social contract. In the interest of trying to get us together, I would ask her for something specific or even something general. Just to set up getting to see her again. Every time we got together she always had an excuse as to why she wasn’t able to “look something up” or “ask her friend” or “read what I gave her”. Yeah dude…… Always….. we would see each other several times a week and she was getting more amorous every time.But she NEVER followed up on ANYTHING I asked. She didnt even follow up on things she asked my opinion on!!!! She liked the attention she was getting but I was actually getting pissed off. I did whatever she requested and she.....dropped the ball. That lightbulb went off and I completely refused to even look at her in public. No explanation from me AT ALL. The end. Finito….. O…....VER. Break a social contract and I admit it….I ……don’t do well with that. And dont expect me to give you a road map on what you did to screw it up. Youre How old?
The same happened to another girl in town. She started cattin around….and I admit it….she was cute…lemme tell ya….and everytime we communicated she said she would look at my blog. Which I suggested was a good way to get to know me if you didn’t know ANYTHING. Well….. having looked at my visitors I could tell she was just giving me lip service….she would troll me for the attention…for weeks …..WEEKS…. dude!…..then give me lip service, every time, promising me she would look. Eventually I stopped acknowledging her too. I really hate to sound like a shit and I DON’T like to treat people with disrespect but………FRIG!!!! …Its hard for me to feel bad when I get trolled. When I realize Im getting trolled I cut your net. Don’t tell me your looking for love then throw out your net and troll. I don’t CARE if you get pissed off that I cut your net. I don’t want to play “string Trey along”. Im gonna change the rules abit and see how you like playing “Treys gonna ignore you for life”…. I know ……Im a kill joy. But I can’t stand a bait and switch….... I have a wedding album and paid off credit cards to prove it. Trolling for attention and I will NOT bite. I might consider grabbing the line and pulling you out of the boat instead......Ever met someone who says they HATE drama…..and their life is FILLED with it???? That’s fine………...just…….…. keep your distance.

Smiling faces, smiling faces
Tell lies and I got proof

Bring it………..bring a social contract we can all live with. A bad marriage taught me what not to do. A bad father taught me what a good father should be. I guess there are lessons to be learned everywhere. Make no mistake I cant always keep my end of the bargain…. But the older I get….the happier I am with the contracts I make. Now….….where do I sign?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Online dating, strip poker, and killin dinner


Im gonna say I’m lucky. Yeah dude……lucky……. Well…with most things that is…… playin the lottery is NOT my thing, and my last trip to the dog track was nothing short of a disaster, and I confess…….. Im not a card player…..although I would love some lessons…..
I cant say blessed….just lucky…cause I’ve had some good relationships in the past…..and I’m grateful for that….cause there are times when love isn’t around….. I mean….. I have my health….. Seriously dude…..
This is a picture of my local matches from an online dating site…….Like I said…I’ve got my health……….Now I can’t take credit here.

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.

Some things just ARENT meant to be. Im good with that. Im still a lucky man. I’ve tasted love and know how good that feels…..I have a feeling there are waaayy too many people who never get their shot. Now THAT would stink. Big time……Weathering times by yourself because the love train isn’t stopping is one thing…..but to NEVER get a ride is……….well……. not pretty. Like I said …I’m lucky.
I’m a man. In my world I have to prepare for times when I’m unlucky. A REAL man doesn’t trick a woman into sleeping with him. He doesn’t make her feel guilty. He doesn’t control her or make her feel trapped to get what he wants. A lucky man is patient when he’s unlucky in love. You can’t just……..trick it into happening.
Men by nature jump up and down and yell. Ya gotta remember that for the last ten thousand years, we’ve been getting up at dawn and going out to kill dinner. All those characteristics we bring home when the hunt is over.
I was at the gym and this girl brought her two kids….. a son and a daughter.…every thirty seconds she was chastising the son for climbing around on things and the daughter just sat in the corner. She said “I wish he was as good as her” as she yanked him around the gym. FAIL. Five hundred years ago he would be out with his dad……tracking down dinner all day…not sitting in a chair. That is NOT his nature. At no point in time did a native Indian dad say “son……..sit on this rock for the next SIX hours and be still……and pay attention to the old lady over there talking about foreign policy and atomic structure……..we’re gonna do this every day this week….and at the end of the week Im gonna test you on what you remember.” FAIL X2 Boys like to throw rocks…We’re good at it… ....cut us some slack please. We're wired differently and its important for you to understand why we do what we do....Just like you really wish he would get that you sometimes just want to be held....
I will admit we still need your help. What we need your help with is how to bring you the relationship you want. I hear women criticize men all day long about how stupid we are. I gotta tell ya…. I NEVER hear a guy complain that women throw rocks like a girl. Do you?
Just for the record….I am NOT doing the online dating thing. I set up a profile just to let my beautiful followers know…….. I’m better off in this town by myself……..

You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

Bring it………. Bring some good luck………Life is tough on people these days. And for some it’s probably a comfort to smoke, or eat, or sit on the couch to get through the tough times. I think that’s an empty solution. You wouldn’t want your man to run to a bottle or spend your paycheck on some heroin would you? The good times are easy. It’s the hard times that test you. Yeah Trey, You’re a sooooper genius…..I guess my point is its important to measure your man by how he acts when times are tough. That will tell you something important about his character. It’s hard to feel safe around a loose cannon I should think…….. I don’t mind the downtime…… I would rather wait for my luck to change rather than place a bad bet. Maybe I should take up……...strip poker. You know what they say…….. unlucky at cards……

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Retraining, building love town, and a field of dreams


Yeah dude….. its done….its up…….she got it up….. its perfect….really strong…tall…. Yeah it works……really well ……that wall is NOT going anywhere…… it looks good…. She should be happy with that….yeah dude….no WAY anybody’s getting past THAT…….been workin on it for years…..NOBODYS getting IN….or….. OUT of this place. Guaranteed.
Ok…. So ….I get the call….. “I want love”…… ok…that’s a good start……”but when someone gets close the walls go up” …sigh…....so…..you don’t want love????.... Oh … I see….. you want love but your not available…….hmmmm… maybe I DON’T see….Now I can’t take credit here.

Told myself I'd get by without love
Drownin' my sorrows
Avoiding tomorrows
Kind of felt that I just had enough

If you build it…they will come……WRONG….. field of dreams indeed….if you build it……they will ………surely be scared off. I wish I could say baseball was my thing…sorry…...FOOTBALL it is then…..
Its preseason and I have taken some time off from lower body training…. So… I need ….retraining. My upperbody is good to go dude but working legs ……is NOT fun.
Ive been avoiding this and avoiding this as long as I dared… ..so I started back last week. IM…….sore……. this is good….really……A few weeks from now and the power will come back. My body WILL remember. Its that first few weeks that’s a killer. Incidentally…… ladies…..Get your man to work his lower body…..not cardio….. I mean leg iron….…seriously. His butt, legs and lower back are the largest muscles in the body…if you see a guy with developed legs…….his endorphin/testosterone level are THROUGH the roof. Wink Wink.
One thing is certain……… I won’t play well unless I get off ma butt and start leg pressing. I can’t have it both ways. Wow, such great information Trey……ya gonna say sumpin worthwhile??? I know I can’t have walls up and find love…….thats common sense….. Duh……Well…sometimes people miss the obvious…. Myself included. Lately my bloggy friend girls have been saying some nice things about me and I want you to know I appreciate that…...its nice to be heard!!!!….….small smile….but I do my best to look in the mirror and sometimes I need a bit of retraining….
So….we talk a while and its obvious…….she wants her cake and she wants to eat it too…..she wants love but she’s got the walls up…..fan….tastic…….no deal….no dice…. The walls keep you IN and everyone else OUT……What if you met a guy and his walls were up? ….…well??......If youre unavailable then don’t think you’re gonna go far in love town…..
Ive had my heart stomped…….. yeah dude …….serious pain. My own words to another were that she had to

“trash the memory of true love instead of finding a way to mend what you had accidentally messed up. From there you shot it, cut it up, beat it, ran over it, set it on fire, and then blew it up.”

And here I am
I'm back on my feet again

Bring it………..bring the demolition crew. Building a wall is EASY in love town. The hard thing is to keep one from going up. But that’s the ONLY way love will come back to you. You have to be available. You have to open your heart.. Its not a debate. I see good people in 24 hour self preservation mode. En…....joy. You build a wall…. And you will live there by yourself. You build a wall…….and YOU have to take it down. Yeah I need a bit of retraining myself…….it is the offseason……..…..But I plan on playing again. DOWN………...SET…………

Friday, October 30, 2009

A toolbox, Neil Young,and the pole dancer


We danced. Yeah dude…. I mean ….NO….usually when I say we danced I mean it rhetorically…this time we actually danced……I mean SHE danced….…actually we danced 6 months ago…..This is confusing isn’t it???
Lemme try again….. We danced about six months ago…….didnt get her name…she wanted my phone number so I gave it to her….didnt ask her for her number….. hadn’t seen her until ….yesterday. She asks for my number again and said she lost it the first time. We say goodbye and …….my phone rings ten minutes later.

“Im going dancing…you waaanna come?”
“When are you goin?”
“now” she says “RIGHT NOW”
“Im……...in gym clothes”
“I DON’T CARE”

The club is COMLETELY empty at this hour. Its me… the bartender,…. the DJ and her. “What do you do?” I ask. “Im retired”. “Really?....from what?”………”I was a dancer.”….longer than usual pause…..”huh………really?”….. “mmhhmmmm” Im thinking she doesnt mean ballet at the MET. Now I can’t take credit here.

I want to live,
I want to give
I've been a miner
for a heart of gold.

After a few drinks and some interesting story swapping…….I take that back…..HER stories were interesting…….mine were……. boring in comparison.. … she talks to the DJ for 5 minutes. And he nods yes ….over and over. The music starts and she motions with her finger for me to “come” and smiles. “Stand here”…….I stand there. I want to dance and she tells me “No…….watch”. ….. I watched.
Lemme say Im VERY na├»ve ….…even at my age……... about such things. Apparently you don’t actually need a pole to pole dance. …… I had one on me…..
Eventually she pushes me into a chair when “tequila makes her clothes fall off” comes on……….and it does……
She grabs my hand and out the door we go… brazenly she walks out with a beer bottle in her hand…..defying anyone to say anything….We drive awhile and eventually end up at a deserted park.
I’m my typical self..…a geek…...trying to inject something worthwhile into the conversation but not having much success. She leans back against my car and pulls her bra and shirt up around her neck. She arches her back and my hands just…….travel….
The conversation ……..stops…..
I prompt her for….nothing……...she offers ….everything….
She turns her back to me…….lays her head back and slowly pulls her pants down……her body bends over, her palms flat on the hood of the car…...her shoulder blades tighten together, her hair spilling down her back …..and I said……………”no”.

Keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.

Bring it….....bring a little something more than dancing skills. I LOVE to dance. Don’t get me wrong….. but dancing wont help either of us when we have a fight. It wont make things better after I forgot to write down a check. It wont say youre sorry you wrecked the car. Now Im getting rhetorical. If your going to dance I DO want your head on my shoulder but if dancing is the only thing you got in the tool box …….then ill just use my own tools….the nights not over ……. Save the last dance for me. Will ya?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The reunion, the mechanic, and time in a bottle


Ok……. the high school reunion was this past weekend…..yeah dude…..too much fun…. and just enough secrets that I would blush to type them even here. …small smile…. All in all some good folks did their best to get the past together and knowing my peeps like I do …a good time was had by all……I didn’t get laid…….but a good time was had by all. Lately Ive fashioned myself as a mechanic. A fixer. And its true…..its broke dude?? Hand it to me…..no…just hand it to me….I’ll take care of it…...How can that be bad? Fixin up the reunion for some good friends has to be righteous!!!! Now I can’t take credit here.

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

Lemme say straight up… I like being a man. Not because it’s a mans world……or because im a chauvanist…. I like being a man because the thought of holding someone close and making them feel safe and secure yanks my crank. I LOVE intimacy…….foreplay???? dude ……don’t sell it short… how bout……fiveplay ??.....sixplay?? Remember that a man starts with whats in the bedroom and takes that outside the bedroom…… A woman is the other way around…..she takes the bills, the house payment, and how shes mistreated INTO the bedroom. I have to take care of her outside the bedroom for her to respond inside the bedroom. In a mans world, having sex is a priority because it FEELS good. I don’t get the same feeling when I ……pay the bills, take out the trash, or do the laundry. Does that make sense?
My job as a man is successful when she feels safe on my arm. Her heart comes first and her body follows in the bedroom. If I break THAT…by treating her wrong OUTSIDE the bedroom…...I cant fix it.
True story. There was this girl that I had been wanting to get close to….. I knew her past boyfriends and ….wasnt impressed…..but still I was drawn to her and when the time came for us to get neked I asked her…”what do you want?” …..she said….”I don’t know”……..and I told her to get her clothes on I was taking her home….. If she didn’t know what she wanted then how would I know? It wasn’t the most tactful thing Ive ever done…..
The truth is she had been with a bunch of bozos and never got a chance to find out what made her motor run…… I LOVE cars and fashion myself a mechanic…but I …..cant ….fix….. this…….
There was another girl…I really was head over heels for…..but….EVERYTIME we went out she started a fight…..EVERYTIME…..Lemme say for the record. I don’t do makeup sex….if you piss me off on purpose guess what the result is??? Im PISSED off….the LAST thing I want to do is have sex with you…
True story…same girl….. My BEST friend died and I told her I needed to go see his widow and the girlfriend said she wanted to come. I really needed some support and was glad she offered. We spent an couple of hours with others who were mourning the loss of a good friend and when we were leaving I thought it would be nice to ask my girl if there was anything she wanted?….was there any place she needed to go?… I thought it would be nice to return a favor. She spent the last couple of hours doing what I wanted and I thought I would return the offer. This is a quote….she screamed…. “NO!!!!! IM HUNGRY IM TIRED AND I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND GO TO BED”…… I was out of there the next day. But I still kept my manhood intact. I completely put new flooring in her kitchen first like I promised. Then told her it was over.

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do

Bring it…………bring somethin that aint broke OR a really well stocked tool box…..Im not a perfect man. And I do LOVE to fix things……It makes me sad that some don’t ever get to taste love…..but if someone breaks you….YOU have to fix it….. you cant depend one someone ELSE to fix your broken heart. ….someone doesn’t BRING you love….. you make it together……maybe Ill get laid in five years at the next reunion.

Miss angie gave me an award!! XXX OOO


Miss Angie gave me an award!!!!! Thank you darlin! …small smile….. Im not used to getting things…when my phone rings its because someone wants something so I really appreciate the thought…YOU ARE AWESOME STILL!!!!

I try to put a lot of who I am in my posts and I hope that comes through because for me blogging is great therapy but its also a window to show people who I am. I do have a bit of a jesus complex and so I do try to impart something of value…even if its only worth a couple of cents!! Peace to all of you and Thanks to all of you for listening!!!!!


1. Where is your cell phone? Charging by the gamma camera
2. Your hair? Turning into clooney
3. Your mother? No help
4. Your father? Moms accomplice
5. Your favorite food? asian
6. Your dream last night? Don’t remember
7. Your favorite drink? tarantula
8. Your dream/goal?. Two different things f1 pilot/to live abroad
9. What room are you in? control
10. Your hobby? music
11. Your fear? My daughter wont ever love her dad
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? abroad
13. Where were you last night? Sleeping in the living room
14. Something that you aren’t?. good at basketball
15. Muffins? please
16. Wish list item? Ferrari 438 targa
17. Where did you grow up? daleville
18. Last thing you did? Writing script
19. What are you wearing? scrubs
20. Your TV? projection
21. Your pets? dead
22. Friends? dead
23. Your life? Too short
24. Your mood? Worrisome at the moment
25. Missing someone? yes
26. Vehicle? Want more
27. Something you’re not wearing? heels
28. Your favorite store? Freds mercantile
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? Sunday morning
31. Last time you cried two weeks ago
32. Your best friend? dead
33. One place that I go to over and over? hay rock
34. One person who emails me regularly? My bank
35. Favorite place to eat? lews

EDITED:::: I am SO lame!!! LOL I JUST NOW noticed the icon for the award!!! Its a chick with an apron...... OH MAN!!! thats good!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The titanic, a crapburger, and rose colored glasses


Smiling today dude……..seriously!!! …You KNOW I like to tell stories of overcoming bad relationships and lessons learned from dating women from venus…...dont hit me yet…..I know the reverse is true…..women have much more to lose from a bad marriage than men because they have spent years……. YEARS dude!!!!! dreaming about it while guys from mars spend their time preparing for marriage by ……throwing rocks…….which is fine if your in a rock throwing contest but it doesn’t do much in the way of helping a marriage stay on track. So I admit it.... guys are relationship challenged……myself included
Where was I???......oh yeah…..…smilin dude!! I AM a guy and yeah I do NOT like to repeat things….especially a mistake...sorry it’s a typical quality I think for a guy….and what is it they say about the definition of insanity??? Doing the same thing over and over expecting the result to be different……. Well…..I just lose it when I see people make the SAME BAD choice more than a few times….. dude ARE you listenin?? DUDE???? Knock knock….HELLO??? Now I cant take credit here.

Complicate this world you wrapped for me
Im acquainted with your suffering

I do have a questionable quality that I have to reality check…so feel free to hit me over the head with a blunt object if you think Im doin wrong……I truly appreciate bloggyfriend help!!! Thank you!!!
…....Im not sure how I feel about the realization that …….Im a dreamer….Capital D dude…..its a good/bad thing Im convinced…..I like to fashion myself as a realist…reality trumps all. Period. Kinda puts the brakes on dreamin….WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU GOING WITH ALL THIS?????
Oh yeah ……..smilin dude……
A persons past is a decent window on the behavior of …..say……whether they can EVEN HAVE a relationship…….yeah dude rose colored glasses go IN the trash….Roses are cool....but the glasses have got to go....gotta remember that more often……..women I think will color their perception of a guy to keep a relationship from failing……I mean what girl says her dream man is a druggie? An alcoholic? ……….For the THIRD guy in a row?? Yeah dude….FAIL…...my bad boy reputation I can live with... but COME ON.
Hey I got it!!! Don’t worry …..you can CHANGE him!!!! That’s it!!!!..........FAIL X2. Rose colored glasses cant hide the smell of crap now can they? I mean …..if youre having difficulty telling the difference between…....say….... crapburger………..hamburger ……..and filet mignon, then ……..I'll probably be eatin at another restaurant.....
I talked to a girl the other day who had kicked her husband out after he confessed to cheating with another girl. She said she didn’t know if she could trust him…….like there was actually a debate about the issue…….she was so twisted up that even in the face of his confessed cheating she wasn’t SURE she could trust him…..Are …..you…..serious???? I told her I wasn’t SURE the titanic would sink…….Im just not SURE …....I mean………it might float….

And all your weight, it falls on me
It brings me down

Bring it…….…bring a good decision…………because No relationship is preferable to a bad relationship………No decision is BETTER than a BAD decision…..Dreamin is a good thing but its best to dream smart….. Oh yeah….Im smilin because I’ve had some rose colored glasses on lately……….but I see much better without them…..…FAIL?........not this time…...Im smilin….....gonna order me a big steak.....

Monday, October 19, 2009

The cold, the empty, and warm feet


Oh dude….its getting cold…..this is……not good….seriously dude….. don’t get me wrong. I like Eskimos theyre cute….and a cold beer on a hot day is great …A Charlie Brown Christmas and the Grinch make me smile…….but snow is a four letter word and I am JUST not ready….ya know? No matter how much I LOVE to snow ski, I have to admit I do love summer days…..flip flops…..laying on the boat with Bob Marley and a straw hat……I was thinking about my exwife and……..Now I can’t take credit here.

Youre as cold as ice,
youre willing to sacrifice our love

And……cold really doesn’t describe her……so I cant go there….what I will say is that shes empty. And THAT………makes her worthless. Not only was she worthless as a wife… but she was worthless as a person…..Have you ever met those people?……I do have a name for them. I call them ghost people. Someone you could work beside, day after day, for years, YEARS dude, and still not have a clue WHO they are. We went to a marriage councilor for help and took some tests. The results?

I knew who I was.
I knew who she was.

She didn’t know who I was
She didn’t know who she was.

She wasn’t cold. She was a moron. Am I bitter ? Not for the marriage. Just for my kids……they have a moron guiding them. True story. A week after we split up I called her at work and the receptionist asked “Oh is this blankety blank?” (her new boyfriend). I said “No…..but he can have her” I didnt contain my laughter and it was true. I wasn’t bitter and she wasn’t cold. She did get remarried this past weekend and I did make a little toast ……..to freedom…..and lessons learned. The end of the world???….Not even close dude…..
Yeah its getting cold outside…….but the truth be known.. ….now its time for extreme spooning an getting close under the covers……..cuddlin on the couch……hot toddys, foot rubs, and sex by the fireplace on a thick, soft fur rug after a bottle of wine……....and those are things you DON’T do in the summer…….

Youre digging for gold, youre throwing away
A fortune in feelings, but someday youll pay

Bring it…………bring some hot chocolate and popcorn…I can take it! Really! …small smile…..Did she dig for gold? Yeah …..Do I want her to pay? Not really….I cant say I care enough for that…..
When people are cold I often think they have a good reason for being distant. The trick is not to dress for winter all year long…… If you cant picture summer or know what love is all about I am NOT your man…and you WONT be able to sell me ice cubes…..Heartless folks don’t change…..remember that….like someone whos empty……you cant fill them up…..but if someone is cold they might just need a warm fire to make them open up……..Breaking someone down is one thing......…making them melt is another.
I would rather pick up a bottle of wine on the way home and some firewood…….you comin or what?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Jacks ,silly putty, and a scoop of vanilla


Dude……silly putty?......are you serious? Yeah dude…Im old…..frisbees, marbles, jacks, and………...silly putty……My parents used to get a break from me when I was growing up by sending me to my grandmoms for a week each summer. So yeah were talking way before cell phones and video games. So I was at grammas mercy to entertain her with elementary math skills and prowess at spelling Mississippi. The reverse was true as well. She was in charge of keeping me busy. After recounting tales of my moms youth (mom apparently put a worm in her moms salad one day as a joke and forgot all about it until after dinner) and looking through countless black and white photos of people I would never know …….. I got to play with silly putty. Which….kept me occupied for all of……….12 minutes. You would think that the endless possibilities of having something in your hand that you could mold into anything you wanted would be attractive……….thats a noper………not a yepper. Now I can’t take credit here.

Youre no good for me
And Im no good for you

I have to admit Im an extremist. If its really safe and easy then Im probably doing it……… wrong. Bear with me……When I was young….. if a model was a snap together it didn’t take a lot of effort and I got bored pretty easy with it. If I played football against younger kids I really wasn’t entertained all that much. So shooting fish in a barrel loses its appeal quickly.
I like a challenge…….. a push…….someone with drive…….backbone……I have dated some girls who were so compliant that the fire was more like a match. Im italian…… Its ok to have a bonfire……I like love that makes you warm and hot inside…..To me thats much more reassuring and satisfying than being passive in a relationship. Yes I am a soooper genius........
I’m going to withold a name here. I dated this wirey little thing once. Our physical bond was ………..STRONG…..
….”the thought of having you all to myself to spoil and make feel safe and secure will only make you hungry and content when I ……hold you still …… and your body tightens up……and I…….slowly apply pressure….……right where you want…….….and hold it………and whisper three words in your ear to drive you”…….yeah dude …….that kind of strong…..we ALMOST took her to the ER once . She had chest pains that scared me to death after we had been sweating for nearly 8 hours……time flies when youre…….well… you know…
Ultimately we werent compatible for other reasons…..Long story short…..I have never loved vanilla ice cream……..I take that back……I did once…….were divorced now.

American woman
Get away from me
American woman
Mama let me be
I gotta go
I gotta get away

Bring it………..bring something to go with the silly putty. Mind you I don’t have bad memories of silly putty. The ability to bend and stretch yourself is a good quality. Certainly one you want in a lover. What you don’t want is OVER submission to the point of …..vanilla ice cream……..if you think your being desirable by just…laying there ….cause your letting him do what he wants ….well that’s just silly…….putty. Would you rather your man do everything you ask and not be able to lead? ………Jacks???......Anyone?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Rush week, being last, and the double funnel beer bong


I tell you right now…… boys are taught NOT to be last. Hear me ladies……Boys are brought up to HUSSLE!!! Son……do NOT settle for second place!!! What ARE you doing???? Do you NOT know how to RUN???!!!! We are taught in sports to be aggressive…take control…..dont let up……
Being a pledge for Sigma Phi Epsilon was a …healthy? diversion from studying my ass off……. But it started out as a good idea. Ya know? Yeah dude….cool…..parties…..sorority girls…..Big brothers showing you the ropes…..sworn to help and humiliate you with painful accuracy and minimal effort. The last day of rush was make or break. Do or die. The last test. ……. I showed up…..unprepared………for anything and everything. A lamb to the slaughter……..
The brothers ALL have a wry grin, and smile like sweet revenge is owed and very near. Tonight……….diligent calculus students will devolve into drunken puppets faster than you can say quadratic equation. The first pledge order is to slam a beer in under 5 seconds……..No sweat…… I look at Glynn…whose face is blank…..I wink and ….….WER”E OFF!!!!!!.... I inhale deep……………..and down it goes…I crush my can. Test passed………...NEXT??? Now I can’t take credit here.

I was the sole survivor
sole survivor
Sole survivor
solitary fighter.

It didn’t take long for my confidence to fade……..I watched as they sent some pledge to the local restaurant for a menu………...naked……..All the blood ran out of my head…..ogodogodogodogod……and where WAS Glynn????? GLYNN!!!!????? Has anybody seen GLYNN???.....Pass? ….. No chance…this test was designed to fail EVERYBODY…….I’m gonna Earn this grade……fan……tastic..
Im in luck…..…my turn at the double funnel beer bong…….cheers go up as I drop to my knees and watch what HAS to be a gallon of beer get loaded…….the chanting starts and I suck on that hose …..WITH……. EVERYTHING…….. IVE……... GOT……….UNTIL………UNTIL…….it comes flying out through my cheeks like a firehose…..I dash to the bathroom spraying like a supersoaker 3000 and people flee like I have a loaded gun. My big brother comes in to enjoy my agony and proclaims “MY BOY HAD CARROTS FOR LUNCH!!!!” Soon after that…… I went black.
I woke up the next day just as the naked guy was coming through the door with a menu.

When I saw it
I was amazed. One time glory right in my gaze.

Bring it………bring some ……preparation…...I hear women complain about men being selfish……..I wont argue…..were taught to push for first place……we want to succeed…..so tell me …. Would you want a man who says its ok to be last??? …sleep late? ….watch sports ALL the time and NOT pay the bills?..... I think men fall down when they can’t move over for the team and let their lover be first…… A man who puts his family first is a gracious loser and winner……A woman who ALWAYS puts the kids first over everything else …..is destined to fail…….I cant say I’m justified by some of the things I hear from women about their mans behavior…most of it makes me sad….. Im lucky…..I understand that using a sword at work will not work when I get home…at home I have to use a butter knife….. Love is fragile these days, but love in a mans world will not survive if he is to be placed after the laundry……If you advocate ANYTHING for the kids…. You will find your mans attention somewhere other than home.
This ALL sounds selfish….. I don’t disagree. But when I sign up, I want to play…not sit on the bench as a second stringer…..I cant imagine that a woman would want to hear she comes in second to ESPN…. I don’t like the sound of that…. But I still want to …..
Play ball!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The ring, the reunion, and mowin the lawn


When I was a junior there was this cute little cheerleader. For the life of me I don’t remember how things got started. But they ended quick! I remember that! But I just do NOT remember why she broke up with me...... It didn’t even last two weeks! Somehow…..in that really short period she ended up with my class ring……cool dude….small smile…I remember she had it on a necklace …. and then on her finger….and then…………..it was gone….. ?????? FRIG!!! What DID SHE DO WITH IT??? I mean….. breakin up with a guy is one thing ……but to throw out his class ring??? What kind of creature does that?? MY CLASS RING!!! Jeesh…. dude……you would have to be a complete #$%@) to do that to a guys class ring!! Now I can’t take credit here.

Somethings missing

So for the next 20 years Im steamed AND bummed about it…… until…….I get the call….20 years later…. “Is this Trey Logan?” ……yeah …who is this? … “did you graduate in 82 from LB?” ….yeah………who IS this?...........”I found your class ring………in my yard”…….. say again?....... “I said I found your class ring in my yard”. …..I start pacing…….REALLY??? …..NO JOKE?? ……HAHA….WAIT………WHAT??? ….victory at last!!!! Yeah dude…..forget HER!! …..Dancin now…....hhmmm hmmmmm hmmmmm yeahyeahyeah…..thankyouthankyouthankyou……where are you and I’ll come and get it!.........He gives me the address and…….. I stop dancin……. “You mean ……on the corner?” ….”little white house??”…….and it hit me….I used to mow the grass there when I was in high school……it must have….. fallen off….. or something ….. yeah dude……FAIL…….
She hadn’t thrown it away…..somehow she had given it back to me and …….I LOST it!!!! ..Fan……..tastic.
Fast forward to last week. Its high school reunion planning time and there are BIG smiles and hugs long overdue when we come together. Good natured humor and familiarity take over and I am instantly transformed back to being a teenager. 27 years………gone……
We are all together to let our hair down…and drink down the past to make whole what is owed after all this time….stories of youth …….memories and yes…..class rings……. Were a tough bunch ..….survivors of infidelity….….mistreatment……..loneliness ……disappointment…. unrealized dreams ……all……….stolen by time……
She is there……and…..I am never ……..on guard…….expecting nothing other than the effortless friendship of those I trust…… the bonds of my youth are strong….. and I am still ……..a rock.
Our time is all casual together but……..She is……not herself…..I can FEEL it. Her past she keeps with her….Then the words spill “I don’t know what I want”…. “Just once I want to wake up happy” and my heart…..is FULL with pain…..but the occasion is too happy for us to take up bearing crosses and so we laugh and play, completely satisfied with the bubble we have made. No bills…….no games……no pressures….
She is facing me, her bare foot on the arm of my chair And then…….
Instinct just…….comes…….I slide my hand across the bottom of her foot and pull it to me…both thumbs …flattening her arch ……….back…. and …..forth….. while we talk round the table. The comfort between us is …….effortless …complete…..unspoken……..still her past ……dominates her thoughts..…its control …….ever present……but…

When autumn comes, it doesn’t ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.

Bring it……..bring dreams that still live… ….some dreams you just canNOT kill dude..….some dreams will NOT die. Even if they are forgotten……or asleep…. or …..lost in high grass for 27 years. … life is rough on people these days…If you’ve lost it…..find it……nobody gets outta here without battle scars and lost rings…..but if you’re lucky…you might just find somebody to help find it…….the reunion is in 2 weeks…….

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Freedom Jam, the spare snare, and the graveyard at Hop in



If I thought I have succeeded more than I’ve failed ….I might be lying to you so I wont tell you that …….yeah dude…gotta LONG list……..the summer after my freshman year of college I wasn’t smart enough to line up summer work so….. I ended up working the graveyard shift……....at HopIn. 11-7. right across from my old high school………..It was AWFUL…….AWFUL I TELL YOU!! I made a fool of myself for the low low price of......like…….$3.65 /hour. I was humiliated on a daily basis to the delight of ALL my old high school buddies who would come in and buy beer and laugh going out the door. “Yeah……..Logan’s going places….Bwahhaaaa!!!!” Ex girlfriends would come in as well as girls I had wanted to ask out….…fan…..tastic…..they couldn’t hide the fact they were glad ……glad they weren’t with me!!!!! LOL Yep sure made the right decision there didn’t they??!! LOL Now I cant take credit here.

There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him
You can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him
When he's down

When I was a senior in high school I got the hair brained scheme to follow this band around that I wanted to join. Yeah dude…..freedom jam was playing all over Virginia and I would follow them from town to town even on school nights. That was my plan. …… Graduate……… and become the drummer for freedom jam. It was a fan….tastic idea. Really dude…I mean….just think ...... the touring……..see the country…..the L A D I E S ……oh yeah dude….the prestige!!!! The MONEY!!!!.....Mom ….Dad….How can this go wrong??....... Seriously???
I was sitting at the mixing board at a show in Chatham when I got my shot. In the middle of a song the drummer busted his snare drum and heaved it over to the side….I LEPT up and grabbed the manager ‘”I KNOW WHERE THE SPARE IS!!!!!!” He looked and me and said “go kid”…. I rush out of the auditorium, run back stage, and find the snare drum case……I burst out on stage and hand it to him….panting and full of stage fright. “thanks man…..you saved me!!!!” yeah dude…...cool…….saving the day…a medal of honor, newspaper articles, tv interviews……..all for me………….not really.
Soon after that I got offered the job. A boys dream come true………I……………..turned it down. I was/am a fantastic drummer. What I wasn’t……. was a good student. All my friends were going to college next year and I was barely on the graduating list……a failure…..….yeah dude …..be a drummer……..thats a GR…..EAT plan……

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust

Bring it………bring your failures……we all have them…..like I said …..my list is long. Life is tough on people these days and it makes me sad to think that people are gauged by successes and failures…..but reality trumps all and so that’s the way of the world…..in the face of that truth….I still get to play guitar around town and my education has served me well….so Im not sure failure has marred me as much as it has made me a strong man. The HopIN is…..…gone but I don’t think my luck would have been any better working 11-7 at 7-11.