Monday, February 22, 2010
Ok dude….. the race was this weekend. An lemme tell ya……. it was a barn burner. My bloggy girls hearts are all in the right place …big smile……..and there were lessons all around for me and my son this weekend. So I gotsta tell ya …..NOTHING happened the way ANY of us thought. I like it when bad luck really turns out to be a glass of lemonade. Albeit a small one. This one though was CLOSE………real close. Now I can’t take credit here.
But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well.
The weekend started out with basketball practice for ma boy and……it’s NOT going all that well. I won’t get into the details…… lets just leave it at that. We get to the pinewood derby with 15 minutes to spare and I have a bright idea. I’ll put some glue on the axles to make sure they’re secure.
Lemme say that again.
I’ll put some glue on the axles to make sure they're secure. I am a SOOOOPER genius.
We go to weigh in the car. 5.0 Oz. ……..perfect!!!!!!
I go to spin a wheel in satisfaction ….one last time.
It’s glued to the car. THEYRE ALL …..GLUED TO THE CAR!.
My head…………….is swimming…… and I can hear people talking "Gorfa toob a fishna te kooble"
NONONONONONONO…..this CANNOT be happening. OH MY LORD NO……
I look up to see the satisfied smirks of the dads who are now congregating to see why this guy is suddenly freaking out. You can’t make this stuff up. It’s worse than a nightmare.
10 minutes to race.
My eyes in shear panic….. I grab my son…. “FINDSOMESPAREWHEELSANDAXLES LIKEYOURLIFEDEPENDSONIT!!!!!!!!GO GO GO!!!!”
I race outside to the car for tools and he shows up with some spares.
I realize at this point…… IF……IF we can get the wheels on……..he’ll be the slowest car there because the wheels and axles are right out of the box. Fatherhood ? FAIL. It’s a repeat of last year…last place. It’s hard to conceal the look on my face. Im thinking lets just withdraw and Ill apologize. I deserve it……
My son however does not…..
I put the thing together
5 minutes to race.
We RUN in to weigh……don’t ……breathe……my heart sinks…..we’re overweight by 3 ounces! OMANOMANOMAN… the wheels are stock and haven’t been milled out like the other ones. Everything is in slow motion. THINK TREY YOU MORON…….
We RUN back to the car. I grab a knife and BUTHCER the car……B U T C H E R. Taking out huge chunks of it to get the weight down. The top…..the sides…..the back. it look like someone ran over the thing with a train. I AM FREAKING OUT!!!!!!
We run back inside with frankencar and weigh. The car is BARELY together. I am truly afraid a wheel will fall off in mid race. Ahm gunna be sick…..I’m serious. It’s a disaster. Complete with ex wife in attendance to add to the pain. And then my son says.
“We’ve done our best dad……..”
I look at him …..and realize.
We have hustled, father and son over the last 15 minutes to make the car our own. Under pressure. By the seat of our pants, together. I smile …….and the hug is worth a billion car wins.
He doesn’t go far…….. but he doesn’t come in last place!! So all in all it was more successful than last year and we celebrate even though the outcome isn’t adorned with trophies or fan fare. It’s a failure on the track but the reward is far more important. His smile was enough to put me on the moon.
We sleep on the boat that night and rest up for his basketball game on Sunday.
He has NEVER scored a point. N E V E R. Even all of last year too.
In the last quarter he gets 2 free throws after he gets fowled trying for a shot.
Im ……holding my breath.
The second one……… goes in! Yeah dude. Success! Ma boy is an NBA star!!!!.....
We’re still losing the game but ......who cares??? Finally.....
The game is tied with about a minute left and my son……..is all alone under the basket. No one guards him because he …..isn’t a threat. He waves his arms and pleads all game long because he’s WIDE open……. and I am DYING in the stands. Unable to help.
They throw him the ball.
He shoots…… and the ball…….rolls round the rim….…and …..rolls some more …….and then
The Crowd goes NUTS, NUTS I say!!!!!!! and I am dancing, beaming with pride. The game winning point was HIS and they’re undefeated season is STILL intact.
You see, ya can't please everyone,
So ya got to please yourself
Bring it……...bring a lesson worth living for. He will remember all this. When he is grown and life is not so kind. It will be fresh in my memory for some time I know. Nothing better than a good juicy humbling lesson to make me realize what is important and…....what is just…….....Not. We got to throw some football sunday. He says he wants to play football like his old man. One thing at a time ma boy. One thing at a time.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Ok dude… ahma comin clean……..well……not exactly CLEAN….would you believe …less dirty? Would you settle for that? Small silence……Im a hypocrite. My last post was on trust and ahm breakin ma rules. And I cant tell you how many times I’ve preached truth is best. Not today. Now… gunna try an rationalize this but the bottom line is…..Ima cheatin. Now I can’t take credit here.
Your cheatin' heart will tell on you
Your cheatin' heart will make you weep
You'll cry and cry and try to sleep
But sleep won't come the whole night through
When I was a cub scout in 5th grade I spent an unbelievable amount of time preparing for the pinewood derby. Ya know those little cars you carve out of a block of wood? Well……..my dad I’m fairly sure didn’t even come to the race…….much less help build the thing. But I was very meticulous and spent every waking moment preparing the car. As a boy… ..you don’t know much about cheating…….other than ……don’t do it. Lemme say……I wasn’t smart enough to cheat. I just built the car lovingly. Sanded it, painted it…..made it look cool.
I remember that day. I came in second. I was……..pleased!. WOW!! Second place! Take that! And I did it all by myself!
My son……..is NOT having a good time. Surprise surprise…… I LOVE my son. We don’t get to see each other but maybe every other weekend. He lives 3 hours away. Its awful. I hate it. He’s been a scout for the last two years. When its pinewood derby time he and I get together as much as possible and work out what were going to do. It’s a wonderful bonding time. Working together……..using tools…..explaining things….
The spirit of the whole process is wholesome…Ya know? Really rewarding. Working within the rules……...doing your best even if you don’t win.
He’s come in LAST place both years. L A S T. Not near the bottom……..LAST. This past year he cried. Thats kinda tough especially when formula one is really part of our life. Hes even named after one of the team owners and this was a pic of us at indy last year.
Where was I?
I have to admit …two years of getting the smug, arms folded, “you’re a loser” smile from the other dads wasn’t the most pleasant thing for sure.
Enter …… adulthood…….there are all these websites dedicated to showing you how to………. Cheat. I look at them…then I look at the rules…. …then I look at them some more and then ……the lightbulb goes off. Everyone else is …….cheating. I mean not just a little. Its full blown, masterful, underhanded, blatant disregard for the rules that NO one will acknowledge because they’re ALL in on it. It’s a fantastic publicly secret lie like Santa Claus to a first grader. No cheating happens if it isn’t caught. The kind that happens ONLY BECAUSE the dads are involved. Moral fiber? FAIL. It’s just another great example of how the adult world pollutes and poisons innocence.
Ahm gunna be sick………….no……...pissed. If the kids were left to themselves there wouldn’t be any cheating! Won……derful.
The kids don’t know….. it’s the DADs……..I wanna do-over. better yet …..I want justice!!! ….. and then it happens.
I find this website that will sell you a winning car.
I look at it. …Blink…...blink
I see several cars that were AT my son’s race last year.
My son’s confidence is being destroyed by the ugliness that only comes from adults that have no honor or confidence. Liars. Cheats. Bankers. Lawyers. …….Assholes all.
Now I’m pacing……fuming…....The purity and the genuineness of the whole thing is marred, tainted, ruined by the day to day shitty world of adulthood….. and my sons the target. I tell ya ….I wanna go back to 8th grade. This is where……Ima gunna letcha down.
I make the call.
I won’t tell you how much but let’s just say you could buy a real car with the money this is going to cost.
The car will be here in 3 days.
I told my son I hired a Ferrari engineer to help this year.
Your cheatin' heart will tell on you
When tears come down like falling rain
You'll toss around and call my name
Bring it………bring it ……. Ya ..bit…..ches. Sorry……This is WAY out of character for me. And I’m laughing as I type. But I’m also mad. I’m not saying I’m proud of my behavior. Im not. I WILL tell him someday about the whole thing and this will no doubt garner some well deserved chastising and Im ready to hear it from my bloggy girls. But I gotsta tell ya. My son has already learned the lesson on how to lose and keep your chin up.. He’s learned how NOT to bend the rules. He doesn’t need that lesson again. We got it. We’ve had plenty of good times doing our best and some will say im lowering myself to a hollow victory…..but right now I feel like I’m leveling the playing field. THIS YEAR …we’re going to learn a different lesson. How to be a gracious winner
Posted by me at 2:21 PM
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
When I was in…. Oh….5th grade a bunch of us would play “spotlight”. We lived next to this military academy and I was a “townie”. So in the summer when school let out and it got dark some unlucky soul would sit on this cannon at the front entrance with a high powered flashlight and everyone’s mission was to get as close as they could to the spotter before being ……spotted…..Simple enough rules. We would play till about…….midnight. Yeah dude….. the hunted and the hunters………all clad in black…..warriors…..spies…….defenders of freedom and the American way…..against all those…..who…..dared……..to be …….mean or nasty. Now I can’t take credit here.
The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door
Spotlight……like any other game….. kinda depended on trust and fairness to work. Nowadays I can’t tell you the number of things that end up in the “I’m not real confident bout this” column. We’re probably in the same boat. Ya know?
Men have this ……propensity to skin a cat…….anyway they can…….rules be damned. Breakin the rules…….takin a risk…….. Playin it safe doesn’t get you in the highlight reel. I think it’s important for women to understand that. Growing up…..boys aren’t applauded by their dads for being conservative. In fact …..boys are typically belittled if their efforts aren’t up to par. I see a lot of mixed messages. Moms….try desperately to make their sons “stand still” and dads who try to make them run faster. It doesn’t surprise me that boys turn out to be men that will ultimately let you down. I admit it. We’re not very smart. Give us conflicting signals and were sure to disappoint you when you want us to be generous, kind, and trustworthy material. LOL clear message? FAIL.
I have to admit I like learning about my weaknesses. I’m not sure you can teach an old dog how to be trustworthy. I don’t think it matters whether the dog is a male or female. You either have it in you …or ya don’t. If I don’t think I can trust you…I’ll jet. So I like being someone that makes a woman feel safe so she is freed up to think about taking ownership of her own satisfaction. Does that make sense? There is nothing better than having my partner trust me FIRST...then ......push till her body responds uncontrollably with tightness.
Hehehe Ill spare you the details because Im sure you have similar stories too. Ive had several monogamous rewarding relationships that were destroyed in under 5 minutes. The reason? I was violently acused of not being trustworthy. Absolutely bunk..... but.....there it was.
I can see how the ability to trust gets destroyed easily. But I always want to be a partner my lover can trust. Lemme say …..I’m worried. I don’t think I’m alone. I don’t see too many folks who have real trust in their partner. If that’s all there is …. I need to give my love to some other cause.
Im seriously considering becoming a foster parent. I kinda like the idea.
I would much rather be a successful foster parent than fail with too many more women who……cant trust ……..and aren’t trustworthy.
Don’t laugh……. I’m seriously considering a mail order bride too. Or …moving to Utah.
Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried
Anyway you'll never know
The many ways I've tried
Bring it………..bring some trust. I cant do it any other way. I know that doesn’t make me different than anybody else. We all want love…….but Im not much of a lover if I cant make you see that Im trustworthy. Love and trust you build together. It doesn’t come with “just add water” and you can’t have one without the other. I’m going to learn Mandarin or Cantonese before the year is out. Can I get a fortune cookie with that?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Oh dude I got some BAD news. Im NOT happy about this AT all. I do love my bloggy girls and it’s a great part of my world to get your advice and read your blogs. I get to work everyday and can’t wait to see what’s going on with your lives! ….Ready?... The IT department has fire walled your websites. …..long silence……..Meh………Sh….@$*. I cant even post from work. ……long silence…….SO …Im not going to be able to visit as much as you deserve. I’m……sorry. Now I can’t take credit here.
you saw me standin' alone
Without a dream in my heart,
without a love of my own
I ……don’t like giving up on something. You have to deserve what you get a couple of times over before I pull the plug. When I do…there’s no remorse, no pain, just………open road.
Wait….what?........Come ON Trey…No pain? ….chuh right.
What I mean is… yeah I DO have that pain …but I only give credence to it for so long.
My high school class has a core bunch of folks that have ALWAYS been tight. We keep in touch over the years. I have to admit I love that bunch and its nice to feel that comfort of seeing old friends. There are some that…over the years have just…..disappeared. We spent 4 years together and for whatever reason they haven’t kept in contact with ANYONE. ….No one……just…....gone. Friendship? FAIL.
Usually I exhaust every resource I can before saying “I cant find them”. This past year….. thing’s were different. It’s been…..29 years that these folks have NOT reached out. So when someone asks where is “so n so?” I say ……I didn’t look for them at all……..they’ve had 29 years to call someone …they haven’t……so I agree…we don’t need to see them (they obviously don’t need to see us) and I don’t care where they are. What matters is that YOURE here.
I was pretty down on my luck with employment a long time ago….and Im sure most can relate……. So I had taken a second job at …..DOMINOES!! …shaking head now……
The outfit was…….a character builder……just in itself.
I didnt mind the job so much..…that is ….until Pam opened the door.
We went to high school together.
She was having a party.
"LOOK WHO IT IS!!!”
COME SEE WHOS WORKIN AT DOMINOES!!”
Heres your pizzas. That’ll be $ 22.42
COME ON IN!! HEY EVERYBODY…COME HERE!!
No….I have to get back before I get in trouble (for passing out in your driveway).
She wouldn’t give me the money until she made sure I was TOTALLY humiliated…..Until she could drink in the agony and pain on my face. So around the room we went……everybody laughing and taking their shot at my manhood with maximum effect.
I didn’t quit over that…..
A few months later I told my boss I would like to have New Years Eve off. It was my girlfriends and my anniversary and she and I deserved an evening to celebrate. He said “No.” “But this is November….. Im giving you over a months notice.” “No”
I paused…….. “Im asking you to let me celebrate my anniversary.” ……”No”
He informed me that if I didn’t show he would fire me. I didn’t show. He called for about a week ..trying to tell me Id been fired. I never gave him the satisfaction. I did however take the girlfriend out. It was worth it. Not ALL good deeds go unpunished. LOL I remember a few years ago where some guy spent the LAST 20 bucks he had on roses for his wife. She pulled out a gun and shot him.
I sometimes have a hard time remembering whats important in this life. My pride in a dominos uniform or......being a man that deserves having a woman clinging on his arm with doey eyes. Truth is...this is icing. There are more important things in life for me to do than to moan about where the love train is stopping. It will come when its good n ready.
And then there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will hold
I heard somebody whisper "please adore me"
And when I looked, the moon had turned to gold
Bring it….….bring plan B. Yeah I’m hacked off I can’t get to your posts like I want…..or even see my own during the day. That Sucks. But I rather like thinking that there’s open road to be enjoyed rather than dwell on bad memories. A full moon beats a cloudy day for sure. Even if its blue.