whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Spotlight, Trust, and a future fortune cookie

When I was in…. Oh….5th grade a bunch of us would play “spotlight”. We lived next to this military academy and I was a “townie”. So in the summer when school let out and it got dark some unlucky soul would sit on this cannon at the front entrance with a high powered flashlight and everyone’s mission was to get as close as they could to the spotter before being ……spotted…..Simple enough rules. We would play till about…….midnight. Yeah dude….. the hunted and the hunters………all clad in black…..warriors…..spies…….defenders of freedom and the American way…..against all those…..who…..dared……..to be …….mean or nasty. Now I can’t take credit here.

The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door

Spotlight……like any other game….. kinda depended on trust and fairness to work. Nowadays I can’t tell you the number of things that end up in the “I’m not real confident bout this” column. We’re probably in the same boat. Ya know?
Men have this ……propensity to skin a cat…….anyway they can…….rules be damned. Breakin the rules…….takin a risk…….. Playin it safe doesn’t get you in the highlight reel. I think it’s important for women to understand that. Growing up…..boys aren’t applauded by their dads for being conservative. In fact …..boys are typically belittled if their efforts aren’t up to par. I see a lot of mixed messages. Moms….try desperately to make their sons “stand still” and dads who try to make them run faster. It doesn’t surprise me that boys turn out to be men that will ultimately let you down. I admit it. We’re not very smart. Give us conflicting signals and were sure to disappoint you when you want us to be generous, kind, and trustworthy material. LOL clear message? FAIL.
I have to admit I like learning about my weaknesses. I’m not sure you can teach an old dog how to be trustworthy. I don’t think it matters whether the dog is a male or female. You either have it in you …or ya don’t. If I don’t think I can trust you…I’ll jet. So I like being someone that makes a woman feel safe so she is freed up to think about taking ownership of her own satisfaction. Does that make sense? There is nothing better than having my partner trust me FIRST...then ......push till her body responds uncontrollably with tightness.
Hehehe Ill spare you the details because Im sure you have similar stories too. Ive had several monogamous rewarding relationships that were destroyed in under 5 minutes. The reason? I was violently acused of not being trustworthy. Absolutely bunk..... but.....there it was.
I can see how the ability to trust gets destroyed easily. But I always want to be a partner my lover can trust. Lemme say …..I’m worried. I don’t think I’m alone. I don’t see too many folks who have real trust in their partner. If that’s all there is …. I need to give my love to some other cause.
Im seriously considering becoming a foster parent. I kinda like the idea.
I would much rather be a successful foster parent than fail with too many more women who……cant trust ……..and aren’t trustworthy.
Don’t laugh……. I’m seriously considering a mail order bride too. Or …moving to Utah.

Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried
Anyway you'll never know
The many ways I've tried

Bring it………..bring some trust. I cant do it any other way. I know that doesn’t make me different than anybody else. We all want love…….but Im not much of a lover if I cant make you see that Im trustworthy. Love and trust you build together. It doesn’t come with “just add water” and you can’t have one without the other. I’m going to learn Mandarin or Cantonese before the year is out. Can I get a fortune cookie with that?


Anonymous said...

Your posts are always so fun and interesting to read. I used to play manhunt in a cemetery when I was younger, what fun that was!

I believe it or not have been accused by past partners of being to trusting??? They said I didn't get upset if they were talking to another women and so I must not care as much as I say I do. I said WTF??? Can't win I guess, damned if you do damned if you don't.

"Seattle" Heather said...

How cool. I used to play games like that as a kid too. But we had a fort in the woods...no cannon.

Anyways...I'll drink to getting some trust up in this world.


Linda Medrano said...

Games are so fun when we are children. When we are adults, not so much. Trust is the keystone to any relationship. If you don't really trust and have trust, you don't have much.

A mail order bride? Oh Trey, it won't come to that. Just keep your heart open and try to truly understand that trust is a two way street. You'll get there!

Ca88andra said...

I believe trust is important in a relationship, but its only one of many things that are important. Like honesty and truthfulness and consideration and equality. I think I sometimes set the bar too high!

tattytiara said...

I don't think about trust. I just do it. I'm okay with finding out I misplaced it, because I always get it back. Because it's mine, and nobody can take it away from me.de

Kimberly said...

Let us save ourself any more wasted time --- move here & support me.

The Invisible Seductress said...

I am sure there is always a spotlight on you! You are a shining star among men!

Your chosen one will be lucky to say the least.

You can trust me on that one!

Rach said...

A mail-order bride might be the best thing. Although, if you're against on-line dating, I'm not too sure you'll be too thrilled with your bride because you won't really know what you're ordering til she arrives. However, you could end up with someone great likr "Sarah, Plain and Tall". :)

f1trey said...

@ CJ- thanks darlin! fun in thye cemetary..now thats a blog post!!!

@ Heather-- cheers darlin!!

@ Linda- Yeah i think so too! Im hangin in there!

@ Ca88- its sad but yeah thats a high bar.... kinda stinks dont it?

f1trey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
f1trey said...

@ Kimberly- LOL you silly thing you! LOL.... i get the spare bedroom?? wha??

@ Invisible- you not supposed to be drinkin!! hehehe thanks!!!! :)

@ RAch- yeah cant do the online dating thing......

Rach said...

Yeah, you don't know who Sarah, Plain and Tall is do you?

Seneca said...

Ahhh trust. "You may be decieved if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough." -Frank Crane

Carolina Girl said...

How am I supposed to concentrate on your post with those biceps distracting me?!?!? Hello??!?! ;)

f1trey said...

@ Rach- hehehe no I sure dont who is it?

@ Seneca- cool...luv me some good quotes!

@ Carolina---hmmm on my mind..... hehehe

April said...

I have never ever been in a relationship with a man who trusted me. I'm outgoing and talk to everyone. And I'm a hugger not a hand shaker. When someone introduces me to a new person, they get a hug. When I say good bye, I give hugs. That's just how I am. Every man I've ever been with misconstrued my friendliness to be flirting. And I never ever was trusted. Which is one of the reasons I'm 10000% happy in my relationship.

My boyfriend trusts me. And I trust him. I don't get questioned when I go somewhere. I don't get my underwear sniffed when I come home from a night out with the girls. (which my ex husband used to do) I don't get 20 questions about how many guys I talked to or talked to me. I get a kiss and a hug and asked, "Did you have fun?" It's so nice and refreshing. It's true trusting that makes us work so wonderfully together.

I think not trusting someone is a huge sign of insecurity, too.

Anyway, sorry I've not been around for a while. (not that it matters) But I'm back to reading and writing. =)

Dutch donut girl said...

When trust exists in an relationship, almost everything else is easier. Why bother being with somebody who doesn't trust you? Before you know it they begin to snoop through your stuff to see if they can find sometime.

If you feel the need to snoop, there’s a problem. Who needs that shit? Not me.

Just telling it like it is said...

I think that in the case of my son I am the one that is the harsh on..our moto..if you lose don't come home...

Just telling it like it is said...

Strangely I understand because well I have an amazing big big boy...14yrs. 177 lbs..solid muscle...yeah you know I had to brag

Average Terran said...

Great post! I would be truly honored if you gave your poetic advice on my blogs of poetry and if you like follow them I would greatly appreciate it.



SKB said...

Bottom line, if you don't trust & haven't been "given" a reason to, it's almost ALWAYS because you're doing something you shouldn't or THINKING about doing something you shouldn't.

The challenge once you've trusted and been given the reason not to; opening your heart to do it knowing you could get crushed again.

That's a flaw I'd like to learn how to fix in me.