Spotlight, Trust, and a future fortune cookie

When I was in…. Oh….5th grade a bunch of us would play “spotlight”. We lived next to this military academy and I was a “townie”. So in the summer when school let out and it got dark some unlucky soul would sit on this cannon at the front entrance with a high powered flashlight and everyone’s mission was to get as close as they could to the spotter before being ……spotted…..Simple enough rules. We would play till about…….midnight. Yeah dude….. the hunted and the hunters………all clad in black…..warriors…..spies…….defenders of freedom and the American way…..against all those…..who…..dared……..to be …….mean or nasty. Now I can’t take credit here.

The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door

Spotlight……like any other game….. kinda depended on trust and fairness to work. Nowadays I can’t tell you the number of things that end up in the “I’m not real confident bout this” column. We’re probably in the same boat. Ya know?
Men have this ……propensity to skin a cat…….anyway they can…….rules be damned. Breakin the rules…….takin a risk…….. Playin it safe doesn’t get you in the highlight reel. I think it’s important for women to understand that. Growing up…..boys aren’t applauded by their dads for being conservative. In fact …..boys are typically belittled if their efforts aren’t up to par. I see a lot of mixed messages. Moms….try desperately to make their sons “stand still” and dads who try to make them run faster. It doesn’t surprise me that boys turn out to be men that will ultimately let you down. I admit it. We’re not very smart. Give us conflicting signals and were sure to disappoint you when you want us to be generous, kind, and trustworthy material. LOL clear message? FAIL.
I have to admit I like learning about my weaknesses. I’m not sure you can teach an old dog how to be trustworthy. I don’t think it matters whether the dog is a male or female. You either have it in you …or ya don’t. If I don’t think I can trust you…I’ll jet. So I like being someone that makes a woman feel safe so she is freed up to think about taking ownership of her own satisfaction. Does that make sense? There is nothing better than having my partner trust me FIRST...then ......push till her body responds uncontrollably with tightness.
Hehehe Ill spare you the details because Im sure you have similar stories too. Ive had several monogamous rewarding relationships that were destroyed in under 5 minutes. The reason? I was violently acused of not being trustworthy. Absolutely bunk..... but.....there it was.
I can see how the ability to trust gets destroyed easily. But I always want to be a partner my lover can trust. Lemme say …..I’m worried. I don’t think I’m alone. I don’t see too many folks who have real trust in their partner. If that’s all there is …. I need to give my love to some other cause.
Im seriously considering becoming a foster parent. I kinda like the idea.
I would much rather be a successful foster parent than fail with too many more women who……cant trust ……..and aren’t trustworthy.
Don’t laugh……. I’m seriously considering a mail order bride too. Or …moving to Utah.

Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried
Anyway you'll never know
The many ways I've tried

Bring it………..bring some trust. I cant do it any other way. I know that doesn’t make me different than anybody else. We all want love…….but Im not much of a lover if I cant make you see that Im trustworthy. Love and trust you build together. It doesn’t come with “just add water” and you can’t have one without the other. I’m going to learn Mandarin or Cantonese before the year is out. Can I get a fortune cookie with that?

Dominos, Blue moon, and plan B

Oh dude I got some BAD news. Im NOT happy about this AT all. I do love my bloggy girls and it’s a great part of my world to get your advice and read your blogs. I get to work everyday and can’t wait to see what’s going on with your lives! ….Ready?... The IT department has fire walled your websites. …..long silence……..Meh………Sh….@$*. I cant even post from work. ……long silence…….SO …Im not going to be able to visit as much as you deserve. I’m……sorry. Now I can’t take credit here.

Blue moon,
you saw me standin' alone
Without a dream in my heart,
without a love of my own

I ……don’t like giving up on something. You have to deserve what you get a couple of times over before I pull the plug. When I do…there’s no remorse, no pain, just………open road.
Cool dude…..hahaha
Wait….what?........Come ON Trey…No pain? ….chuh right.
What I mean is… yeah I DO have that pain …but I only give credence to it for so long.
My high school class has a core bunch of folks that have ALWAYS been tight. We keep in touch over the years. I have to admit I love that bunch and its nice to feel that comfort of seeing old friends. There are some that…over the years have just…..disappeared. We spent 4 years together and for whatever reason they haven’t kept in contact with ANYONE. ….No one……just…....gone. Friendship? FAIL.
Usually I exhaust every resource I can before saying “I cant find them”. This past year….. thing’s were different. It’s been…..29 years that these folks have NOT reached out. So when someone asks where is “so n so?” I say ……I didn’t look for them at all……..they’ve had 29 years to call someone …they haven’t……so I agree…we don’t need to see them (they obviously don’t need to see us) and I don’t care where they are. What matters is that YOURE here.
I was pretty down on my luck with employment a long time ago….and Im sure most can relate……. So I had taken a second job at …..DOMINOES!! …shaking head now……
The outfit was…….a character builder……just in itself.
I didnt mind the job so much..…that is ….until Pam opened the door.
We went to high school together.
She was having a party.
Fan……...tastic.
"LOOK WHO IT IS!!!”
Oh…..god…no….
“HEY EVERYBODY!!”
Oh….please….no….
COME SEE WHOS WORKIN AT DOMINOES!!”
Heres your pizzas. That’ll be $ 22.42
COME ON IN!! HEY EVERYBODY…COME HERE!!
No….I have to get back before I get in trouble (for passing out in your driveway).
She wouldn’t give me the money until she made sure I was TOTALLY humiliated…..Until she could drink in the agony and pain on my face. So around the room we went……everybody laughing and taking their shot at my manhood with maximum effect.

I didn’t quit over that…..

A few months later I told my boss I would like to have New Years Eve off. It was my girlfriends and my anniversary and she and I deserved an evening to celebrate. He said “No.” “But this is November….. Im giving you over a months notice.” “No”
I paused…….. “Im asking you to let me celebrate my anniversary.” ……”No”
He informed me that if I didn’t show he would fire me. I didn’t show. He called for about a week ..trying to tell me Id been fired. I never gave him the satisfaction. I did however take the girlfriend out. It was worth it. Not ALL good deeds go unpunished. LOL I remember a few years ago where some guy spent the LAST 20 bucks he had on roses for his wife. She pulled out a gun and shot him.
I sometimes have a hard time remembering whats important in this life. My pride in a dominos uniform or......being a man that deserves having a woman clinging on his arm with doey eyes. Truth is...this is icing. There are more important things in life for me to do than to moan about where the love train is stopping. It will come when its good n ready.

And then there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will hold
I heard somebody whisper "please adore me"
And when I looked, the moon had turned to gold

Bring it….….bring plan B. Yeah I’m hacked off I can’t get to your posts like I want…..or even see my own during the day. That Sucks. But I rather like thinking that there’s open road to be enjoyed rather than dwell on bad memories. A full moon beats a cloudy day for sure. Even if its blue.

High infidelity, Wool, and Revenge sex

You know me dude……. I always say reality trumps all. Yeah dude…I know…..thats a kill joy. My bloggy girls are NOT going to like this. But l also say truth is best. Of course I say that…….. but am not always able to deliver.
I do like noticing differences between men and women. ….big smile….. nothing is better for communication than for me to listen or a mile in my partners shoes……I get JACKED when it comes……..when I say… “I get you”…….man that’s a good feeling. Now I can’t take credit here.

As soon as you are able
Woman I am willing
To make the break that we
Are on the brink of
My cup is on the table
Our love is spilling
Waiting here for you to
Take and drink of

High infidelity indeed…….
I was reading this weekend about what leads men to stray and why women have “revenge sex”. Men are apparently forgiving of other men for issues of infidelity. Women it seems aren’t forgiving of other women who step over the line. The article didn’t really paint a good picture of things. Women tend to protect a relationship if it starts to go sour and men…….look for opportunities. I think women look at consequences….men look at the consequences of getting caught. I’m putting that nicely. The article went on to tell guys what they could do to be MORE faithful. ….It had ……completely useless suggestions….like….dont do it……be closer to your spouse……think of what your giving up….dont do it…..dont be tempted…..and………don’t do it. Fab…u….lous. Chuh…..right. Advice?....FAIL. I'm a serial monogamist. My own fidelity I dont worry about. Catching my love is much more of a task.
Women I think idealize a relationship and men tend to be more reality based. Like I say reality trumps all. I don’t hear many men say things like “you should like what you do……….theres somebody for everyone…….everything happens for a reason”. In a man’s vocabulary, day to day, these concepts just don’t enter into why the cars busted or how were going to fix the sink.
The movie AVATAR works because it moves back and forth from reality to ...fantasy....you have to have BOTH to make the story work. Fantasy alone wont cut it. Yes..I am sooooper genius. I can see WHY women “hope” for things. But men don’t “hope”……..we are NOT on the same page here. It will be or it won’t be. Hope changes nothing. See…I KNEW you weren’t going to like this. But that’s how we think. We don’t think about how the world “should” be. Ok ..little play on words there…we don’t really think at all.
Now as cold as all this sounds it makes more sense to a man to think this way than to…….have a distorted body image. To watch a soap opera like it was real life. To think things are good even when its obvious……they suck. Speakin ma ugly piece here. Men may very well need to “grow up” but which of us is living in a fantasy?.....(ahm gonna get slapped for that)…..
Peace…. I don’t mean for that to condemn..…hopefully it will spawn some introspection. Think about it. The same “hope” you sprinkle to keep your spirits up….prevents you from seeing that he’s……… a cheater….a drug addict….a liar. .I know I don’t like it when the wool gets pulled over my eyes…..but I only compound the problem if I refuse to see the wool at all. Ya know?...seein its one thing…DOING something about it is another. Personally I like you in something that makes you feel beautiful when I put my fingers in your mouth and your hips tighten with just the right amount of constant pressure…and….. your breathing …you have …..to ….hold while it moves through you in waves…..…..wool just doesn’t work here.

So if you're tired of the
Same old story
Turn some pages
I'll be here when you are ready
To roll with the changes

Bring it………..bring some reality. Which do you think will serve you better? HOPING she’ll leave her current boyfriend or……The harsh reality that……she’s taken.
If you want to understand a man you have to think a bit like one. Sorry.
There have been times in my past that I just did not WANT to see the wool….and I suffered for that….. Nowadays….. I see a bit more clearly and it’s no longer a shame to let something go because my partner was too selfish, or too conceited to fix a mistake. Reality? Check……

The fairytale, a polliwog, and magnum PI

I want to thank all you girls for spending time at ma blog. It makes me feel rather good when you leave a comment and I preciate it! …big smile……
When I was a private investigator I saw plenty of folks pretty much……in torment. Yeah dude…guys…girls…it didn’t make any difference. People’s lives were getting torn up. Searching for answers. Searching for someone. Making themselves into someone…… different. I remember that time for myself and I was frantic to uncover the truth. That’s why I got into the PI thing in the first place. To kinda help folks get through it cause I had been there maself.
An old girlfriend of mine said “I don’t understand why you can take two, intelligent, educated people, who are in love……….but you can’t make their marriage work.” I have to admit…...that befuddled me too. To her discredit….she’s on her third marriage right now……Im sure shes thinking third times a charm and ahm thinkin…....three strikes and your out. Yeah dude, I have a feeling this one will end up on her scrap heap too. Really I should go easy on her…… affairs of the heart sometimes sound like an episode of unsolved mysteries. And Im no Robert Stack. LOL More Like Leonard Nimoy on “In search of”……… who thinks he’s Magnum PI. instead of ……….Monk. Now I cant take credit here.

Where you going?
What you looking for?
You know those boys
Don't want to play no more with you
It's true

If you’re looking for a prince …then the swamp is no place to find anything but frogs. What’s a princess doing in the swamp anyway? I guess some turn out to be lucky frogs ifn ya get ma drift. LOL I guess if you follow that tale more closely …..Doesn’t the frog have to TURN into a prince? Oh dude. LOL fairytale…. FAIL. I think people normally think the moral is….. you have to go through a lot of losers to find Mr.right.. .I had someone tell me they thought it meant “don’t believe what guys say” I’m not so sure that’s the ONLY message. I don’t believe you can CHANGE someone else into what you want.. You probably don’t either. Yes….I am a sooooper genius.
I have to admit I hide a bit of myself when I start dating someone. If I told you I LOVED jazz……. Im not so sure the look on your face would be very approving. There I said it. I’m guilty. I’m not as forthcoming about myself upfront. This is NOT good. I preach about communication and…….I’m NOT taking my own advice. Yeah dude…gotta work on that.
I think most would take offense if your partner suggested you “change” something about yourself. Enter……..the divorce. Oh yeah dude…we got some changin agoin on now! But ya know? I hear a lot of people say the relationship has “changed” or the partner has “changed” and that its NOT what it used to be. I don’t hear many folks say that “they’re” the one that’s changed. It’s always the partner. I think that’s interesting. I’m pretty big on TRYING to look at my own shortcomings before I decide it’s the enemies fault. Never the less… what in this world stays the same?

Sister Christian
Oh the time has come
And you know that you're the only one
To say O.K.

Bring it……….bring some compatibility. You know? It takes a confident frog not to be jealous or controlling. I AM happy in my skin. If I do my part right…… Im bringing out the best in my lover….not changing them. I see a lot of frogs dead in the road. They probably deserve to have the $%!T squashed out of them. I’m still learning…....a polliwog in the rough. If I’m lucky….I just might turn into………a frog. I think that’s ok………I just………. Want another tadpole to love and spoil along the way.

A nice guy, The missed signal, and cupids arrow

Booyaaa!!!! Yeah dude my buddy just got it!! Been fightin an uphill battle with a friend of mine who has been dancing at the whim of a fishing girl. She fishes …….she dangles ……and he……..pants and jumps up and down. She……..tells him no….and calls back a few weeks later…….and it starts all over again. “what can I do to get her back?” he asks at least 3 times a week.
“Dude……… she sent you several emails saying she wasn’t interested. What part of that do you NOT get?”
“But she said I was a nice guy!!!”
“AND….whats your point? You ARE a nice guy…..but you still DON’T get it”. Now I can’t take credit here.

Don't take your love away from me
Don't you leave my heart in misery
If you go then I'll be blue
'Cause breaking up his hard to do

I have another friend with the same problem. Shes…….backpeddling out of the relationship and her man……..doesn’t get it. Women seem to have a completely different philosophy when it comes to the “how to’s “ of breaking up. (don’t hit me here….I make blanket statements from time to time….generalizations don’t ALWAYS apply…….I hear ya!). I have another friend I am SOOOPER proud of. She ended the relationship by saying
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.” He wasn’t listening. “how about counseling?”
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.”
“What if we spent some time apart?”
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.”
He got it. No ambiguity there. Message?......... PASS!
This is a picture of the gym I work out at. It’s beyond Spartan. There’s another place in town…..but I don’t even consider it. I like where I am. Not even going to consider switching. Breakin ma workout up is NOT an option. I’m not listening to the enticements of a cleaner, nicer facility.
Men have selective hearing. I hear women say that a lot. Not going to argue. I think your’e right!!!. We hear what we want. I can’t say this is a good thing. I have to work on that myself. I admit it. My personal history is overfraught with………”how did I miss that?”
There is a dynamic here that I think women overlook when they’re trying to break up. They mean well but they…… give mixed signals. Conflicting even…..hey …we’re guys…….were easily confused.
In an effort to “make it painless” women backpeddle…….very slowly saying touchy feely things interlaced with the REAL message. Saying “

You’re a nice guy
you will find someone
I’m not ready
Im going out with the girls”

And then…… for added effect….you shut down…..hoping he’ll “get the hint”.
He wont. Know why? You never said……… “its over”. Instead you have a ten minute discussion about how things aren’t working. In your mind you’re saying.

No
No
No
Youre a nice guy
No
No
No.

Guess what he hears..…..go ahead …….guess. Ready?

“Im a nice guy”. WOW I have a chance!!
Yeah we have selective hearing. But if the message is buried……hidden under sweet words designed to let him down easy and full of low level compliments…….why WOULD he get it? Breakup..…..FAIL.

They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it's true
Don't say that this is the end
Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again

Bring it…………..bring the gods of communication. Hehehe Say what you mean….mean what you say. Im sure THAT makes sense. I just am NOT good at reading tween the lines. I thought that was just……...space. When you’re in love you really want to be understood. Don’t you? I mean……you want to KNOW he cares and loves you too……with zero distortion …..No? You don’t want him to guess whether you love him…..do you? Would you want to have to guess at whether he loves you or not? I want that message…….crystal. When I look in your eyes I want to feel your heart. The message…..I love you doesn’t come with kindas or maybes. What good is that? Cupids arrow hits me in the heart. If you’re trying to break up with me…a shot in the leg wont do it…...you better aim for my heart again.

Tunnel light, the journal, and the death of a dream

Got a couple of married friends……..for now. They’re …….trying to find a way out. Yeah dude. Death of a dream. The honeymoon is over. Both girls have suffered about 20 years of unhappy marriages. That conditions folks….ya know? My 10 year ………festival of pain was………different than these girls. One girl is wearing the pants in the family. The other girl is smothered. Ya know the type? Take a second. I want those to sink in.
When you ask someone what went wrong……you get a host of different answers. “He cheated. He was hooked on pain killers. He drank all the time. He cheated. He was addicted to porn. He was too controlling. He cheated.”
I should have known my ex and I weren’t compatible …....during our first date. Ready?.......my first missed signal was……she cheated on her boyfriend to go out with me. Yeah……I was NOT paying attention. It was TOTALLY my fault. Not hers. Hehehe. Ready again? She…..fell asleep that first date…….during ……Silence of the lambs. Yeah dude….seriously. I .……either laugh then cry or cry then laugh about it. I sure can pick em!!!! Common sense? FAIL.
I have to insert a bit of trivia here or it will be forgotten forever...... I actually called off our first date......but she never got the message I sent in time and so she showed up. Either way its all good. Gotta bit of seasoning now. So Im OK dude. With all this in mind I run into very few folks that say “boy I sure wish we’d have worked that out”. Now I can’t take credit here.

Somethin' happened along the way
What used to be happy was sad
Somethin' happened along the way
And yesterday was all we had

I have to say I like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. For me the process of recovering from marriage was easier than my two friends who have a LONG road ahead. That dark tunnel is much longer for one of the two. When you try to point them in the direction of the exit where there’s light …..you get all this….. resistance. Its understandable. You live under the lash of a whip for too long and………. All sorts of things make the way out impossible to get to. A road map in the dark is NO help......and there is .......only the deep pain that comes from being trapped. A locked cage doesn’t offer much in the way of exit signs for someone who’s been beaten down for 20 years. What you find is someone who CANT make decisions…WONT make decisions….or doesn’t EVEN know they can make a decision. So….round and round it goes.
I like lending an ear. I get a lot out of listening more so than talking. When I was getting divorced it was hard to find a sounding board that didn’t come with hollow advice. So I took to making a diary of my thoughts. A kind of journal….. that allowed me to get things off my chest and clear my head. Pen and paper therapy really helped me free up my heart and soul. Its easy to have unresolved issues when theres a break up….. Yes I AM a soooper genius! So I try to tell folks to write down whats going on………I think it helps to detangle a process that for many is chaotic and directionless.
I have to put this in here. Now that the marriage has been over for several years…. Im still having some bad luck! Please don’t take offense if you have any sort of disability…ok? My neighbor is about 35. He’s on welfare… no job……130 lbs…..and has one arm……He also has a 19 year old girlfriend. I MUST be doin sumpin wrong. Oh well….good on him…. Ill just have to stay in the self service isle for now.


And oh, after the love has gone
How could you lead me on
And not let me stay around
Oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone
What used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found?

Bring it……….bring some light…..If your having a hard time seeing you can borrow mine. I like sharing light. It makes me smile. I know you’d do the same for me. There’s light at the end of the tunnel. ……. See ya outside.

2010, a balloon, and the treadmill of love.

Ok dude, I deserve it. I’m……..gettin some laughs at the gym. Granted…….gym rats are NOT the brightest bunch but you try something unorthodox and ……..down comes the hammer. Your’e a target for months for thinking outside the box. Lemme say I DONT like thinking inside the box. That gets you.......divorced. People LOVE to bring you down if they can. Being a running back, EVERYONE on the defense wants to kill you anyway.
I was trying to think of some interesting ways to work my lower body. Since I DON’T have a girlfriend, I’ve been trying to work my lower body in ways that football players just ……….laugh at. Like………. Kicking a balloon around the gym with ankle weights. OK………so……..yeah I know it looks…….funny.
It won’t look so funny when football season hits.
It is the New Year and no…I don’t have any resolutions. Surprise surprise. Just a schedule Im going to keep in my training. The trick is ……..to keep varying the workout. Change it up. Try something different.
I hate running. HATE IT!!!! I don’t mind sprint drills (never said I was smart), but I cant stand the monotony of jogging on a treadmill….. for even just 20 minutes. Pa……..thetic. Now I can’t take credit here.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man

I heard a comedian the other day laughing about why relationships lose their romance. He said “all the tricks I use to get a woman in bed the first time I don’t need after a year…… cause she’s going to bed with me anyway.” Ok…..…so it was funny…….tragically accurate….…but funny.
I got to thinking about it and he does have a point. If you want your relationship to fail you might as well do what your friends are doing. Small sarcastic tone there……. But really there is something to that. Ever had a relationship that you thought was going along fine and all of the sudden you find out …....its over…... You thought things were going good and steady? Well.....maybe they were. Maybe that was the problem. I think it has something to do with repetition…… routine…….. Yes I AM a soooper genius.
Without a doubt everyone will agree that you have to mix things up to keep the relationship healthy. A show of hands isn’t necessary…I mean it’s a given that we all think so…right? So……...why doesn’t that happen? If the relationship is SO important you would think that BY NOW …..some of us would take heed. Myself included.
Lemme say I like learning something new…… I think its cool. Im just built that way. If stagnation is sure death for love then Im for mixing it up. Wow Trey…..thats brilliant. Well…..I think words and intentions don’t cut it. Just cause you “think” about mixing it up doesn’t mean it happens. Say what you mean, mean what you say. I DO try to mix it up. Romance is a learning process for guys. Some learn……..others….well……..don’t. If your man can’t figure out that you NEED romance outside the bedroom….. you might be hangin around for a handout that never comes. ON THE OTHER HAND. A woman who does the same thing over and over in the bedroom will eventually find her man is only in it …..for two minutes…..and he wont stay there long. Eventually he will find another bed. Relationship FAIL. Don’t blame him for doing the same thing over and over….. if YOUR doing the same thing over and over. I hear women jump all over guys……. that they can’t stay faithful. If the room is dull I either change it…..or change rooms. There is SOME reasoning behind that I think.
But this is a two way street. I can’t point fingers unless I have a mirror in the other hand. Throwin rocks in a glass house is NOT the best idea. So if I’m preachin, I better be listenin too.

Time may change me
But I can't trace time

Bring it…..….bring something new. Yeah it’s a new year. So its time for a change. You never hear a man say he wants to be romanced. Only women read romance novels….but that too is a problem. Men don’t read that stuff. And I think women set themselves up for disappointment when they think that a man is supposed to BRING them romance and a woman’s responsibility is just to receive it. POOF!!.......ready made…..but really….what ROMANTIC things do YOU actually do? What? Clean the house? Wash his undies? Vacuum? I really appreciate it when those things happen…..I say so…..and I pitch in too….but Im not so sure men equate sweeping with love. Ask your man which hed rather have. I doubt he would choose sweeping. Just like men wrongfully equate bringing home a paycheck as love. It’s not. One thing is for sure. You do it …like you did before and you just might NOT get it …….again…… Here’s to 2010 !!