whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Friday, October 30, 2009

A toolbox, Neil Young,and the pole dancer


We danced. Yeah dude…. I mean ….NO….usually when I say we danced I mean it rhetorically…this time we actually danced……I mean SHE danced….…actually we danced 6 months ago…..This is confusing isn’t it???
Lemme try again….. We danced about six months ago…….didnt get her name…she wanted my phone number so I gave it to her….didnt ask her for her number….. hadn’t seen her until ….yesterday. She asks for my number again and said she lost it the first time. We say goodbye and …….my phone rings ten minutes later.

“Im going dancing…you waaanna come?”
“When are you goin?”
“now” she says “RIGHT NOW”
“Im……...in gym clothes”
“I DON’T CARE”

The club is COMLETELY empty at this hour. Its me… the bartender,…. the DJ and her. “What do you do?” I ask. “Im retired”. “Really?....from what?”………”I was a dancer.”….longer than usual pause…..”huh………really?”….. “mmhhmmmm” Im thinking she doesnt mean ballet at the MET. Now I can’t take credit here.

I want to live,
I want to give
I've been a miner
for a heart of gold.

After a few drinks and some interesting story swapping…….I take that back…..HER stories were interesting…….mine were……. boring in comparison.. … she talks to the DJ for 5 minutes. And he nods yes ….over and over. The music starts and she motions with her finger for me to “come” and smiles. “Stand here”…….I stand there. I want to dance and she tells me “No…….watch”. ….. I watched.
Lemme say Im VERY na├»ve ….…even at my age……... about such things. Apparently you don’t actually need a pole to pole dance. …… I had one on me…..
Eventually she pushes me into a chair when “tequila makes her clothes fall off” comes on……….and it does……
She grabs my hand and out the door we go… brazenly she walks out with a beer bottle in her hand…..defying anyone to say anything….We drive awhile and eventually end up at a deserted park.
I’m my typical self..…a geek…...trying to inject something worthwhile into the conversation but not having much success. She leans back against my car and pulls her bra and shirt up around her neck. She arches her back and my hands just…….travel….
The conversation ……..stops…..
I prompt her for….nothing……...she offers ….everything….
She turns her back to me…….lays her head back and slowly pulls her pants down……her body bends over, her palms flat on the hood of the car…...her shoulder blades tighten together, her hair spilling down her back …..and I said……………”no”.

Keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old.

Bring it….....bring a little something more than dancing skills. I LOVE to dance. Don’t get me wrong….. but dancing wont help either of us when we have a fight. It wont make things better after I forgot to write down a check. It wont say youre sorry you wrecked the car. Now Im getting rhetorical. If your going to dance I DO want your head on my shoulder but if dancing is the only thing you got in the tool box …….then ill just use my own tools….the nights not over ……. Save the last dance for me. Will ya?

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

The reunion, the mechanic, and time in a bottle


Ok……. the high school reunion was this past weekend…..yeah dude…..too much fun…. and just enough secrets that I would blush to type them even here. …small smile…. All in all some good folks did their best to get the past together and knowing my peeps like I do …a good time was had by all……I didn’t get laid…….but a good time was had by all. Lately Ive fashioned myself as a mechanic. A fixer. And its true…..its broke dude?? Hand it to me…..no…just hand it to me….I’ll take care of it…...How can that be bad? Fixin up the reunion for some good friends has to be righteous!!!! Now I can’t take credit here.

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that Id like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

Lemme say straight up… I like being a man. Not because it’s a mans world……or because im a chauvanist…. I like being a man because the thought of holding someone close and making them feel safe and secure yanks my crank. I LOVE intimacy…….foreplay???? dude ……don’t sell it short… how bout……fiveplay ??.....sixplay?? Remember that a man starts with whats in the bedroom and takes that outside the bedroom…… A woman is the other way around…..she takes the bills, the house payment, and how shes mistreated INTO the bedroom. I have to take care of her outside the bedroom for her to respond inside the bedroom. In a mans world, having sex is a priority because it FEELS good. I don’t get the same feeling when I ……pay the bills, take out the trash, or do the laundry. Does that make sense?
My job as a man is successful when she feels safe on my arm. Her heart comes first and her body follows in the bedroom. If I break THAT…by treating her wrong OUTSIDE the bedroom…...I cant fix it.
True story. There was this girl that I had been wanting to get close to….. I knew her past boyfriends and ….wasnt impressed…..but still I was drawn to her and when the time came for us to get neked I asked her…”what do you want?” …..she said….”I don’t know”……..and I told her to get her clothes on I was taking her home….. If she didn’t know what she wanted then how would I know? It wasn’t the most tactful thing Ive ever done…..
The truth is she had been with a bunch of bozos and never got a chance to find out what made her motor run…… I LOVE cars and fashion myself a mechanic…but I …..cant ….fix….. this…….
There was another girl…I really was head over heels for…..but….EVERYTIME we went out she started a fight…..EVERYTIME…..Lemme say for the record. I don’t do makeup sex….if you piss me off on purpose guess what the result is??? Im PISSED off….the LAST thing I want to do is have sex with you…
True story…same girl….. My BEST friend died and I told her I needed to go see his widow and the girlfriend said she wanted to come. I really needed some support and was glad she offered. We spent an couple of hours with others who were mourning the loss of a good friend and when we were leaving I thought it would be nice to ask my girl if there was anything she wanted?….was there any place she needed to go?… I thought it would be nice to return a favor. She spent the last couple of hours doing what I wanted and I thought I would return the offer. This is a quote….she screamed…. “NO!!!!! IM HUNGRY IM TIRED AND I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND GO TO BED”…… I was out of there the next day. But I still kept my manhood intact. I completely put new flooring in her kitchen first like I promised. Then told her it was over.

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do

Bring it…………bring somethin that aint broke OR a really well stocked tool box…..Im not a perfect man. And I do LOVE to fix things……It makes me sad that some don’t ever get to taste love…..but if someone breaks you….YOU have to fix it….. you cant depend one someone ELSE to fix your broken heart. ….someone doesn’t BRING you love….. you make it together……maybe Ill get laid in five years at the next reunion.

Miss angie gave me an award!! XXX OOO


Miss Angie gave me an award!!!!! Thank you darlin! …small smile….. Im not used to getting things…when my phone rings its because someone wants something so I really appreciate the thought…YOU ARE AWESOME STILL!!!!

I try to put a lot of who I am in my posts and I hope that comes through because for me blogging is great therapy but its also a window to show people who I am. I do have a bit of a jesus complex and so I do try to impart something of value…even if its only worth a couple of cents!! Peace to all of you and Thanks to all of you for listening!!!!!


1. Where is your cell phone? Charging by the gamma camera
2. Your hair? Turning into clooney
3. Your mother? No help
4. Your father? Moms accomplice
5. Your favorite food? asian
6. Your dream last night? Don’t remember
7. Your favorite drink? tarantula
8. Your dream/goal?. Two different things f1 pilot/to live abroad
9. What room are you in? control
10. Your hobby? music
11. Your fear? My daughter wont ever love her dad
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? abroad
13. Where were you last night? Sleeping in the living room
14. Something that you aren’t?. good at basketball
15. Muffins? please
16. Wish list item? Ferrari 438 targa
17. Where did you grow up? daleville
18. Last thing you did? Writing script
19. What are you wearing? scrubs
20. Your TV? projection
21. Your pets? dead
22. Friends? dead
23. Your life? Too short
24. Your mood? Worrisome at the moment
25. Missing someone? yes
26. Vehicle? Want more
27. Something you’re not wearing? heels
28. Your favorite store? Freds mercantile
29. Your favorite color? purple
30. When was the last time you laughed? Sunday morning
31. Last time you cried two weeks ago
32. Your best friend? dead
33. One place that I go to over and over? hay rock
34. One person who emails me regularly? My bank
35. Favorite place to eat? lews

EDITED:::: I am SO lame!!! LOL I JUST NOW noticed the icon for the award!!! Its a chick with an apron...... OH MAN!!! thats good!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The titanic, a crapburger, and rose colored glasses


Smiling today dude……..seriously!!! …You KNOW I like to tell stories of overcoming bad relationships and lessons learned from dating women from venus…...dont hit me yet…..I know the reverse is true…..women have much more to lose from a bad marriage than men because they have spent years……. YEARS dude!!!!! dreaming about it while guys from mars spend their time preparing for marriage by ……throwing rocks…….which is fine if your in a rock throwing contest but it doesn’t do much in the way of helping a marriage stay on track. So I admit it.... guys are relationship challenged……myself included
Where was I???......oh yeah…..…smilin dude!! I AM a guy and yeah I do NOT like to repeat things….especially a mistake...sorry it’s a typical quality I think for a guy….and what is it they say about the definition of insanity??? Doing the same thing over and over expecting the result to be different……. Well…..I just lose it when I see people make the SAME BAD choice more than a few times….. dude ARE you listenin?? DUDE???? Knock knock….HELLO??? Now I cant take credit here.

Complicate this world you wrapped for me
Im acquainted with your suffering

I do have a questionable quality that I have to reality check…so feel free to hit me over the head with a blunt object if you think Im doin wrong……I truly appreciate bloggyfriend help!!! Thank you!!!
…....Im not sure how I feel about the realization that …….Im a dreamer….Capital D dude…..its a good/bad thing Im convinced…..I like to fashion myself as a realist…reality trumps all. Period. Kinda puts the brakes on dreamin….WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU GOING WITH ALL THIS?????
Oh yeah ……..smilin dude……
A persons past is a decent window on the behavior of …..say……whether they can EVEN HAVE a relationship…….yeah dude rose colored glasses go IN the trash….Roses are cool....but the glasses have got to go....gotta remember that more often……..women I think will color their perception of a guy to keep a relationship from failing……I mean what girl says her dream man is a druggie? An alcoholic? ……….For the THIRD guy in a row?? Yeah dude….FAIL…...my bad boy reputation I can live with... but COME ON.
Hey I got it!!! Don’t worry …..you can CHANGE him!!!! That’s it!!!!..........FAIL X2. Rose colored glasses cant hide the smell of crap now can they? I mean …..if youre having difficulty telling the difference between…....say….... crapburger………..hamburger ……..and filet mignon, then ……..I'll probably be eatin at another restaurant.....
I talked to a girl the other day who had kicked her husband out after he confessed to cheating with another girl. She said she didn’t know if she could trust him…….like there was actually a debate about the issue…….she was so twisted up that even in the face of his confessed cheating she wasn’t SURE she could trust him…..Are …..you…..serious???? I told her I wasn’t SURE the titanic would sink…….Im just not SURE …....I mean………it might float….

And all your weight, it falls on me
It brings me down

Bring it…….…bring a good decision…………because No relationship is preferable to a bad relationship………No decision is BETTER than a BAD decision…..Dreamin is a good thing but its best to dream smart….. Oh yeah….Im smilin because I’ve had some rose colored glasses on lately……….but I see much better without them…..…FAIL?........not this time…...Im smilin….....gonna order me a big steak.....

Monday, October 19, 2009

The cold, the empty, and warm feet


Oh dude….its getting cold…..this is……not good….seriously dude….. don’t get me wrong. I like Eskimos theyre cute….and a cold beer on a hot day is great …A Charlie Brown Christmas and the Grinch make me smile…….but snow is a four letter word and I am JUST not ready….ya know? No matter how much I LOVE to snow ski, I have to admit I do love summer days…..flip flops…..laying on the boat with Bob Marley and a straw hat……I was thinking about my exwife and……..Now I can’t take credit here.

Youre as cold as ice,
youre willing to sacrifice our love

And……cold really doesn’t describe her……so I cant go there….what I will say is that shes empty. And THAT………makes her worthless. Not only was she worthless as a wife… but she was worthless as a person…..Have you ever met those people?……I do have a name for them. I call them ghost people. Someone you could work beside, day after day, for years, YEARS dude, and still not have a clue WHO they are. We went to a marriage councilor for help and took some tests. The results?

I knew who I was.
I knew who she was.

She didn’t know who I was
She didn’t know who she was.

She wasn’t cold. She was a moron. Am I bitter ? Not for the marriage. Just for my kids……they have a moron guiding them. True story. A week after we split up I called her at work and the receptionist asked “Oh is this blankety blank?” (her new boyfriend). I said “No…..but he can have her” I didnt contain my laughter and it was true. I wasn’t bitter and she wasn’t cold. She did get remarried this past weekend and I did make a little toast ……..to freedom…..and lessons learned. The end of the world???….Not even close dude…..
Yeah its getting cold outside…….but the truth be known.. ….now its time for extreme spooning an getting close under the covers……..cuddlin on the couch……hot toddys, foot rubs, and sex by the fireplace on a thick, soft fur rug after a bottle of wine……....and those are things you DON’T do in the summer…….

Youre digging for gold, youre throwing away
A fortune in feelings, but someday youll pay

Bring it…………bring some hot chocolate and popcorn…I can take it! Really! …small smile…..Did she dig for gold? Yeah …..Do I want her to pay? Not really….I cant say I care enough for that…..
When people are cold I often think they have a good reason for being distant. The trick is not to dress for winter all year long…… If you cant picture summer or know what love is all about I am NOT your man…and you WONT be able to sell me ice cubes…..Heartless folks don’t change…..remember that….like someone whos empty……you cant fill them up…..but if someone is cold they might just need a warm fire to make them open up……..Breaking someone down is one thing......…making them melt is another.
I would rather pick up a bottle of wine on the way home and some firewood…….you comin or what?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Jacks ,silly putty, and a scoop of vanilla


Dude……silly putty?......are you serious? Yeah dude…Im old…..frisbees, marbles, jacks, and………...silly putty……My parents used to get a break from me when I was growing up by sending me to my grandmoms for a week each summer. So yeah were talking way before cell phones and video games. So I was at grammas mercy to entertain her with elementary math skills and prowess at spelling Mississippi. The reverse was true as well. She was in charge of keeping me busy. After recounting tales of my moms youth (mom apparently put a worm in her moms salad one day as a joke and forgot all about it until after dinner) and looking through countless black and white photos of people I would never know …….. I got to play with silly putty. Which….kept me occupied for all of……….12 minutes. You would think that the endless possibilities of having something in your hand that you could mold into anything you wanted would be attractive……….thats a noper………not a yepper. Now I can’t take credit here.

Youre no good for me
And Im no good for you

I have to admit Im an extremist. If its really safe and easy then Im probably doing it……… wrong. Bear with me……When I was young….. if a model was a snap together it didn’t take a lot of effort and I got bored pretty easy with it. If I played football against younger kids I really wasn’t entertained all that much. So shooting fish in a barrel loses its appeal quickly.
I like a challenge…….. a push…….someone with drive…….backbone……I have dated some girls who were so compliant that the fire was more like a match. Im italian…… Its ok to have a bonfire……I like love that makes you warm and hot inside…..To me thats much more reassuring and satisfying than being passive in a relationship. Yes I am a soooper genius........
I’m going to withold a name here. I dated this wirey little thing once. Our physical bond was ………..STRONG…..
….”the thought of having you all to myself to spoil and make feel safe and secure will only make you hungry and content when I ……hold you still …… and your body tightens up……and I…….slowly apply pressure….……right where you want…….….and hold it………and whisper three words in your ear to drive you”…….yeah dude …….that kind of strong…..we ALMOST took her to the ER once . She had chest pains that scared me to death after we had been sweating for nearly 8 hours……time flies when youre…….well… you know…
Ultimately we werent compatible for other reasons…..Long story short…..I have never loved vanilla ice cream……..I take that back……I did once…….were divorced now.

American woman
Get away from me
American woman
Mama let me be
I gotta go
I gotta get away

Bring it………..bring something to go with the silly putty. Mind you I don’t have bad memories of silly putty. The ability to bend and stretch yourself is a good quality. Certainly one you want in a lover. What you don’t want is OVER submission to the point of …..vanilla ice cream……..if you think your being desirable by just…laying there ….cause your letting him do what he wants ….well that’s just silly…….putty. Would you rather your man do everything you ask and not be able to lead? ………Jacks???......Anyone?

Monday, October 12, 2009

Rush week, being last, and the double funnel beer bong


I tell you right now…… boys are taught NOT to be last. Hear me ladies……Boys are brought up to HUSSLE!!! Son……do NOT settle for second place!!! What ARE you doing???? Do you NOT know how to RUN???!!!! We are taught in sports to be aggressive…take control…..dont let up……
Being a pledge for Sigma Phi Epsilon was a …healthy? diversion from studying my ass off……. But it started out as a good idea. Ya know? Yeah dude….cool…..parties…..sorority girls…..Big brothers showing you the ropes…..sworn to help and humiliate you with painful accuracy and minimal effort. The last day of rush was make or break. Do or die. The last test. ……. I showed up…..unprepared………for anything and everything. A lamb to the slaughter……..
The brothers ALL have a wry grin, and smile like sweet revenge is owed and very near. Tonight……….diligent calculus students will devolve into drunken puppets faster than you can say quadratic equation. The first pledge order is to slam a beer in under 5 seconds……..No sweat…… I look at Glynn…whose face is blank…..I wink and ….….WER”E OFF!!!!!!.... I inhale deep……………..and down it goes…I crush my can. Test passed………...NEXT??? Now I can’t take credit here.

I was the sole survivor
sole survivor
Sole survivor
solitary fighter.

It didn’t take long for my confidence to fade……..I watched as they sent some pledge to the local restaurant for a menu………...naked……..All the blood ran out of my head…..ogodogodogodogod……and where WAS Glynn????? GLYNN!!!!????? Has anybody seen GLYNN???.....Pass? ….. No chance…this test was designed to fail EVERYBODY…….I’m gonna Earn this grade……fan……tastic..
Im in luck…..…my turn at the double funnel beer bong…….cheers go up as I drop to my knees and watch what HAS to be a gallon of beer get loaded…….the chanting starts and I suck on that hose …..WITH……. EVERYTHING…….. IVE……... GOT……….UNTIL………UNTIL…….it comes flying out through my cheeks like a firehose…..I dash to the bathroom spraying like a supersoaker 3000 and people flee like I have a loaded gun. My big brother comes in to enjoy my agony and proclaims “MY BOY HAD CARROTS FOR LUNCH!!!!” Soon after that…… I went black.
I woke up the next day just as the naked guy was coming through the door with a menu.

When I saw it
I was amazed. One time glory right in my gaze.

Bring it………bring some ……preparation…...I hear women complain about men being selfish……..I wont argue…..were taught to push for first place……we want to succeed…..so tell me …. Would you want a man who says its ok to be last??? …sleep late? ….watch sports ALL the time and NOT pay the bills?..... I think men fall down when they can’t move over for the team and let their lover be first…… A man who puts his family first is a gracious loser and winner……A woman who ALWAYS puts the kids first over everything else …..is destined to fail…….I cant say I’m justified by some of the things I hear from women about their mans behavior…most of it makes me sad….. Im lucky…..I understand that using a sword at work will not work when I get home…at home I have to use a butter knife….. Love is fragile these days, but love in a mans world will not survive if he is to be placed after the laundry……If you advocate ANYTHING for the kids…. You will find your mans attention somewhere other than home.
This ALL sounds selfish….. I don’t disagree. But when I sign up, I want to play…not sit on the bench as a second stringer…..I cant imagine that a woman would want to hear she comes in second to ESPN…. I don’t like the sound of that…. But I still want to …..
Play ball!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

The ring, the reunion, and mowin the lawn


When I was a junior there was this cute little cheerleader. For the life of me I don’t remember how things got started. But they ended quick! I remember that! But I just do NOT remember why she broke up with me...... It didn’t even last two weeks! Somehow…..in that really short period she ended up with my class ring……cool dude….small smile…I remember she had it on a necklace …. and then on her finger….and then…………..it was gone….. ?????? FRIG!!! What DID SHE DO WITH IT??? I mean….. breakin up with a guy is one thing ……but to throw out his class ring??? What kind of creature does that?? MY CLASS RING!!! Jeesh…. dude……you would have to be a complete #$%@) to do that to a guys class ring!! Now I can’t take credit here.

Somethings missing

So for the next 20 years Im steamed AND bummed about it…… until…….I get the call….20 years later…. “Is this Trey Logan?” ……yeah …who is this? … “did you graduate in 82 from LB?” ….yeah………who IS this?...........”I found your class ring………in my yard”…….. say again?....... “I said I found your class ring in my yard”. …..I start pacing…….REALLY??? …..NO JOKE?? ……HAHA….WAIT………WHAT??? ….victory at last!!!! Yeah dude…..forget HER!! …..Dancin now…....hhmmm hmmmmm hmmmmm yeahyeahyeah…..thankyouthankyouthankyou……where are you and I’ll come and get it!.........He gives me the address and…….. I stop dancin……. “You mean ……on the corner?” ….”little white house??”…….and it hit me….I used to mow the grass there when I was in high school……it must have….. fallen off….. or something ….. yeah dude……FAIL…….
She hadn’t thrown it away…..somehow she had given it back to me and …….I LOST it!!!! ..Fan……..tastic.
Fast forward to last week. Its high school reunion planning time and there are BIG smiles and hugs long overdue when we come together. Good natured humor and familiarity take over and I am instantly transformed back to being a teenager. 27 years………gone……
We are all together to let our hair down…and drink down the past to make whole what is owed after all this time….stories of youth …….memories and yes…..class rings……. Were a tough bunch ..….survivors of infidelity….….mistreatment……..loneliness ……disappointment…. unrealized dreams ……all……….stolen by time……
She is there……and…..I am never ……..on guard…….expecting nothing other than the effortless friendship of those I trust…… the bonds of my youth are strong….. and I am still ……..a rock.
Our time is all casual together but……..She is……not herself…..I can FEEL it. Her past she keeps with her….Then the words spill “I don’t know what I want”…. “Just once I want to wake up happy” and my heart…..is FULL with pain…..but the occasion is too happy for us to take up bearing crosses and so we laugh and play, completely satisfied with the bubble we have made. No bills…….no games……no pressures….
She is facing me, her bare foot on the arm of my chair And then…….
Instinct just…….comes…….I slide my hand across the bottom of her foot and pull it to me…both thumbs …flattening her arch ……….back…. and …..forth….. while we talk round the table. The comfort between us is …….effortless …complete…..unspoken……..still her past ……dominates her thoughts..…its control …….ever present……but…

When autumn comes, it doesn’t ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.

Bring it……..bring dreams that still live… ….some dreams you just canNOT kill dude..….some dreams will NOT die. Even if they are forgotten……or asleep…. or …..lost in high grass for 27 years. … life is rough on people these days…If you’ve lost it…..find it……nobody gets outta here without battle scars and lost rings…..but if you’re lucky…you might just find somebody to help find it…….the reunion is in 2 weeks…….

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Freedom Jam, the spare snare, and the graveyard at Hop in



If I thought I have succeeded more than I’ve failed ….I might be lying to you so I wont tell you that …….yeah dude…gotta LONG list……..the summer after my freshman year of college I wasn’t smart enough to line up summer work so….. I ended up working the graveyard shift……....at HopIn. 11-7. right across from my old high school………..It was AWFUL…….AWFUL I TELL YOU!! I made a fool of myself for the low low price of......like…….$3.65 /hour. I was humiliated on a daily basis to the delight of ALL my old high school buddies who would come in and buy beer and laugh going out the door. “Yeah……..Logan’s going places….Bwahhaaaa!!!!” Ex girlfriends would come in as well as girls I had wanted to ask out….…fan…..tastic…..they couldn’t hide the fact they were glad ……glad they weren’t with me!!!!! LOL Yep sure made the right decision there didn’t they??!! LOL Now I cant take credit here.

There are plenty of ways you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him
You can cheat him
You can treat him bad and leave him
When he's down

When I was a senior in high school I got the hair brained scheme to follow this band around that I wanted to join. Yeah dude…..freedom jam was playing all over Virginia and I would follow them from town to town even on school nights. That was my plan. …… Graduate……… and become the drummer for freedom jam. It was a fan….tastic idea. Really dude…I mean….just think ...... the touring……..see the country…..the L A D I E S ……oh yeah dude….the prestige!!!! The MONEY!!!!.....Mom ….Dad….How can this go wrong??....... Seriously???
I was sitting at the mixing board at a show in Chatham when I got my shot. In the middle of a song the drummer busted his snare drum and heaved it over to the side….I LEPT up and grabbed the manager ‘”I KNOW WHERE THE SPARE IS!!!!!!” He looked and me and said “go kid”…. I rush out of the auditorium, run back stage, and find the snare drum case……I burst out on stage and hand it to him….panting and full of stage fright. “thanks man…..you saved me!!!!” yeah dude…...cool…….saving the day…a medal of honor, newspaper articles, tv interviews……..all for me………….not really.
Soon after that I got offered the job. A boys dream come true………I……………..turned it down. I was/am a fantastic drummer. What I wasn’t……. was a good student. All my friends were going to college next year and I was barely on the graduating list……a failure…..….yeah dude …..be a drummer……..thats a GR…..EAT plan……

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust

Bring it………bring your failures……we all have them…..like I said …..my list is long. Life is tough on people these days and it makes me sad to think that people are gauged by successes and failures…..but reality trumps all and so that’s the way of the world…..in the face of that truth….I still get to play guitar around town and my education has served me well….so Im not sure failure has marred me as much as it has made me a strong man. The HopIN is…..…gone but I don’t think my luck would have been any better working 11-7 at 7-11.

Monday, October 5, 2009

A tool box, the pink house, and a false alarm at the farm


It was………..as close a call as I dared play and survive intact dude…..definitely a toolbox and skills to match….she was…….smart…….with………..serious eye candy . Friggg!!!!!....... Oh ….I admit it … I was buyin it…..and I roll with no brakes …….What ARE you doing dude????? Are you gonna watch the road or WHAT? What kind of idiot rolls with NO brakes???.......Im OK aren’t I……yeah……..you AL…….MOST bought that…..the check was in your hand…..Dont lie….you were GONE………..…OK….OK….OK…Now I cant take credit here.

And you can't build a house of leaves
And live like it's an evergreen

Yeah dude ….the pink house had no brakes either ….you almost bought THAT too……late nite drankin………no dude …. when you came to the pink house you were DRANKIN. I woke up one nite to the sound of my answering machine buzzing and popping……playing backwards and then forward….then backwards again….. ???????...... I got outa bed and picked it up…it was soaking wet……. OH MAN…someone probably spilled a beer on it.….. So I took it in the kitchen and spent about ten minutes cleaning and dryin it ….hoping it would work in the morning…..
Back to sleep I went….. still buzzin from the party. I woke up when I heard someone in my bedroom pouring a drink out ….. WHAT ??????.... I turned the lights on……. There was a buddy of mine pissing all over my nightstand…….GR……….EAT…. Now I knew what happened to the answering machine…….
Pete and I lived in the pink house. Yeah dude it was pink…..Why? Because Jimmy needed a place to use the penis freeway. That’s why. Renting a pink house was certainly better than buying it……Eventually Jimmy hooked me up with ……..“buy the farm”…… girl. Buy the farm girl and I didn’t last very long……Buy the farm girl was….. oh…..20 ……….and wanted kids……..like……..right now……I mean RIGHT now….…today if possible……..
Our first time together was our last……
I was not going to buy the farm…….. lets call the sale off………..you can take it off the market……. at best I would be renting for a while……I was in sheer PANIC mode for 31 days……..I can hear the stories now….. “well son ……that SOB sperm donor that was your dad lived in a pink house and played drums for some band…before he skipped town 20 years ago and left us with nothing……and we haven’t seen him since”…….. yep that was going to be my legacy….

People have the right to fly
And will when it gets compromised

Bring it……….bring a farm worth buying…...The divorce rate is kinda high...NO?.... I am NOT for sale…...I appreciate friends who speak up and warn me…. I don’t know it all so a little help from my friends goes along way. I am a rock of a man. Running would be easy …….but I earn my titles… say what you mean….mean what you say….…… I called her and told her it was best for us to wait until she was free…. Small smile…..…having your cake and eating it too?????..... Buyer beware dude…buying a house doesn’t make it a home…..you can paint over the pink all you want…..if you bring me something …….. your heart better be in it…… LOL I know the difference between renting and buying…..and when I take your hand….. Ill KNOW ….the market…she is a changin……..I have a bit of home improvement myself…….. I might just need a hammer…….

Thursday, October 1, 2009

New math, round 1, and the unprepared kiss



I had Mrs. Grey for Algebra 1 in high school. As a freshman I was concerned with everything BUT Algebra 1. Wrestling started soon…… getting a date was near impossible…..I couldn’t drive yet and there was no WAY I was going to pay 7 dollars a ticket to see Heart when they came to town. Yeah dude I was ……...distracted. So I was ……...impressionable. Glynn would come in to math and ……..….sleep. He had like …..…a full time job and was dating a SENIOR…….yeah dude……Glynn was busy. We got to talking about Christmas and I asked him what he was getting his girlfriend he said….….”well……a stereo, a fur coat, some jewelry……the list went ON dude…...I JUST….. stared…… all that? …….for one girl? .. Blink.. blink….This was in early November and I was really feeling the squeeze of bad grades. But have no fear…..Glynn had the answer. “A few more weeks and it’ll be Christmas break……..…we don’t have to study.” He laughed….….I listened………we failed. Now I can’t take credit here.

We don't need no education
We don't need no thought control

Fast forward to yesterday....Im at the gym…..it’s back day and my body is JACKED. The Boneyard is CRANKING and ALL I can think about is how strong its going to feel to run THROUGH a linebacker, FULL punishment……and………..I see her car drive by. I heard she WASNT coming. …..??????....... she pulls in back so as not to be seen because she knows ….shes TAKEN…..I hit the door with Godsmack ………THUNDERING in my ears and walk over…the window rolls down…”Hey” she breathes her words softly and tilts her head shyly. “I couldn’t help it”. A small smile and her eyes just BEAM ......and we talk a bit…… shes.......fishing……..dancing……………..testing…… “Aren’t you cold?” her hand runs up under the front of my shirt and maps my chest slowly. “No”. We talk some more and mind you …..we have not EVEN kissed yet. I told her I wanted our first kiss to be alcohol free and a shot of tequila before my workout insured that it would not be tonight. “Do you want some gum?” ….. I DON’T…… see ……..the bait….. “sure”. She takes two pieces and puts them in her mouth and says “ok”……. I……. fall for it….I pull her close …..her eyes close and my hand is under her hair …..a thumb tracing the curve of her ear…her breathing rhythm ….changes …all…her….control is …..gone………completely ……. and she is submissive to the soothing motion of my hand on the back of her neck. And…… …..I STOP. …… The world ……comes crashing back in pieces. She has to go…… tells me she wants a hug goodbye and steps out of the car. I hold my ground and she is instantly up against me, her eyes and hands …..follow my shoulders …and……. She purrs ……out loud with approval….. hungry,,,….. big eyes…. We kiss again and her body responds ……..without speech….. it cries for more …..all of the sudden she is underneath my clothes gripping my ASS which tightens like iron and I ……..STOP.
I ……….. am ……not …..pleased with my actions…….we say good bye. I text her a smile a few minutes later and the reply comes…. “you fell 4 it…Ur losin your touch…Mr toughman! Oh yea Ur a nice kisser!”. Yeah dude …epic trey logan FAIL.

All in all it's just another brick in the wall
All in all you're just another brick in the wall

Bring it……….bring another round. Its NOT over. I got game……the second half is ALL MINE. Glynn and I did fail math that year. But I did make it up in summer school and I CRUSHED calculus. I may get a bad grade when I’m distracted...... Makin a C is .....ok…. But you better be ON your toes cause Im NOT that freshman anymore ..…and given the chance….. ill school ya on just that. The email the next day comes in....Right on time... "Did I scare you off?" ………there’s the bell…….…class is in.