whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Monday, October 12, 2009

Rush week, being last, and the double funnel beer bong


I tell you right now…… boys are taught NOT to be last. Hear me ladies……Boys are brought up to HUSSLE!!! Son……do NOT settle for second place!!! What ARE you doing???? Do you NOT know how to RUN???!!!! We are taught in sports to be aggressive…take control…..dont let up……
Being a pledge for Sigma Phi Epsilon was a …healthy? diversion from studying my ass off……. But it started out as a good idea. Ya know? Yeah dude….cool…..parties…..sorority girls…..Big brothers showing you the ropes…..sworn to help and humiliate you with painful accuracy and minimal effort. The last day of rush was make or break. Do or die. The last test. ……. I showed up…..unprepared………for anything and everything. A lamb to the slaughter……..
The brothers ALL have a wry grin, and smile like sweet revenge is owed and very near. Tonight……….diligent calculus students will devolve into drunken puppets faster than you can say quadratic equation. The first pledge order is to slam a beer in under 5 seconds……..No sweat…… I look at Glynn…whose face is blank…..I wink and ….….WER”E OFF!!!!!!.... I inhale deep……………..and down it goes…I crush my can. Test passed………...NEXT??? Now I can’t take credit here.

I was the sole survivor
sole survivor
Sole survivor
solitary fighter.

It didn’t take long for my confidence to fade……..I watched as they sent some pledge to the local restaurant for a menu………...naked……..All the blood ran out of my head…..ogodogodogodogod……and where WAS Glynn????? GLYNN!!!!????? Has anybody seen GLYNN???.....Pass? ….. No chance…this test was designed to fail EVERYBODY…….I’m gonna Earn this grade……fan……tastic..
Im in luck…..…my turn at the double funnel beer bong…….cheers go up as I drop to my knees and watch what HAS to be a gallon of beer get loaded…….the chanting starts and I suck on that hose …..WITH……. EVERYTHING…….. IVE……... GOT……….UNTIL………UNTIL…….it comes flying out through my cheeks like a firehose…..I dash to the bathroom spraying like a supersoaker 3000 and people flee like I have a loaded gun. My big brother comes in to enjoy my agony and proclaims “MY BOY HAD CARROTS FOR LUNCH!!!!” Soon after that…… I went black.
I woke up the next day just as the naked guy was coming through the door with a menu.

When I saw it
I was amazed. One time glory right in my gaze.

Bring it………bring some ……preparation…...I hear women complain about men being selfish……..I wont argue…..were taught to push for first place……we want to succeed…..so tell me …. Would you want a man who says its ok to be last??? …sleep late? ….watch sports ALL the time and NOT pay the bills?..... I think men fall down when they can’t move over for the team and let their lover be first…… A man who puts his family first is a gracious loser and winner……A woman who ALWAYS puts the kids first over everything else …..is destined to fail…….I cant say I’m justified by some of the things I hear from women about their mans behavior…most of it makes me sad….. Im lucky…..I understand that using a sword at work will not work when I get home…at home I have to use a butter knife….. Love is fragile these days, but love in a mans world will not survive if he is to be placed after the laundry……If you advocate ANYTHING for the kids…. You will find your mans attention somewhere other than home.
This ALL sounds selfish….. I don’t disagree. But when I sign up, I want to play…not sit on the bench as a second stringer…..I cant imagine that a woman would want to hear she comes in second to ESPN…. I don’t like the sound of that…. But I still want to …..
Play ball!

23 comments:

Amy said...

I am fully, completely and totally convinced that a relationship WILL NOT SURVIVE (with any quality, that is) unless BOTH partners put each other first most of the time.

I've been in a marriage where I was number 12 or 13 on his list, and that was on a good day. It does something dark to your soul to know that the person who swore to love and cherish you would put his friends, his car, his work, and his 'flavor of the week' over you. If you are both giving 100%, you are both getting 100%. Having said that, I also think it's important NOT to lose yourself in being everything to your significant other.

It's a delicate balance and it's a delicate art and a subtle science. But it's possible.

And it's worth it.

Miss Angie said...

I see much truth in this... I've dealt with the selfish boyfriend before, and he was even willing to admit that he was too selfish for the relationship. (You've seen much of him in my blog the last while.) It hurts, but life moves on...

Oh, and I'll try to stay awesome much longer! :P

f1trey said...

@ Amy- I am SO glad to hear you say its worth it.... thats what im talkin bout!!! Yeah thirteenth on the list wont cut it....next time suggest he only get in bed with you every thirteen days..see how that goes over..... LOL

f1trey said...

@ Angie - ata girl.....I think men do NOT have a good enough distinction between the word selfish and greedy...... selfishness to a point is part of a mans character like confidence and self assurance drive him similarly...even cockyness in a small way...but GREED........ yeah thats over the line...its good to make sure that isnt part of your mans makeup....look at his past relationships...its a giveaway.....

Amy said...

Next time? Next time?!?! There won't be a next time!

I'm kicking ass, taking names, and weeding out the losers. I'm not going to settle for anything less than Mr. Perfect for Me. :)

The Invisible Seductress said...

Amy,,you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. If Mr. Perfect has a brother,,wink wink.

But,, I think you should kick names and take ass instead! Much funner...

>>>and Trey, my dear,,does that mean hot single moms are SOL with you?

sobbing!!!

f1trey said...

@ Amy and Invisible- Gr....eat... ive been reduced to "the love broker" LOL you know this is a SOB free zone!!! there will be no son of bitches here....no...wait...I mean..... have I ever mentioned my kids??

The Invisible Seductress said...

...smiling.....

Love, Evolution, and Resilience said...

Sometimes it's work, and I guess sometimes you just have to close your eyes, pretend you just met and seriously make out like the world is about to end... Oh what I wouldn't do for some of that... Balance is so the key here.

lifechick said...

While it's important to value your partner (and show them this), I do think kids should come first a lot of the time.

Which is why I have none. I like coming first!

Gray said...

I was actually having a conversation the other day with someone over why I thought the men in this country were 'weaker' then the men in say Europe. There is a fine line to be walked in being a man. And women would do well to remember the strong qualities we like, need to be nurtured too! Great post!:)

f1trey said...

@ Love- AGREED! gotta make it count!!!!!

@ Lifechick AGREED...I think the issue is really hard for both sides to grasp where the balance is...I know women that flat out say they will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for the kids...which results in the marriage going down the drain (ITs not that simple of course and the reverse is true there are men who dont understand that they have to be able to step aside in order to be a good husband and father...

f1trey said...

@ Gray- I love you! Europe and South America too!! youre a smart woman....the qualities that CAN make a man desirable are very close to the ones that women despise....... boldness, strength, get up and go...these are all good things for a man when he goes out to kill dinner BUT coming home requires something different , men who cant understand that his strength is used to make a woman feel safe ...blow it....

April said...

They were just talking about if people place their children or spouses/S.O.'s first at The Real World the other day. I think it's an interesting topic and people's responses are definitely interesting as well.

Considering that my son has been a constant in my life, he'll always be first. Men have come and gone. However, now that I'm in a happy, healthy relationship, both my man and my son are first in my life. I try not to wrap myself too much into either of them. It's definitely a delicate balance that's not easy. But can be done.

I know too many women who put their children first and it's like the man doesn't even exist. Joe's sister is a perfect example of that. She has 3 boys who pretty much run her world and the house. Their dad, her husband, doesn't discipline them because she yells at him if he does. I've never seen them be affectionate toward each other. And he's complained that he doesn't even feel like he's part of his own family because she doesn't bother with him too much and like I said, she doesn't even really let him be a father to the kids. It's sad, really. And I wouldn't be surprised if he was cheating on her or left her one day.

Great post, as always.

f1trey said...

@ April! - Boy that makes me happy to hear balance working...my exwife had little time for me as a husband ...after we got divorced ..then she "needed" time off from the kids to go get another man........

I really feel for joes sisters husband....thats the way i was treated...if I ever ried to discipline them , my wife would step in and keep it from happening...and brainwashed the kids that i was bad......now my oldest could care less who her dad is.....I cant even get her to hug me.....

Kimberly said...

I want my boyfriend to be selfish with me, not to me. I want him to want ME all for HIMSELF. To use me up and keep it all right under him.

f1trey said...

@ Kimberly- yeah baby! that is JUST the way I like it!

Just telling it like it is said...

I know what is wrong with that? My son knows if I don't win I don't get to come home! We had a boxing ring out in the barn when I was growing up...Be bad and it is time to get out the gloves...

Just telling it like it is said...

Right on Kim...
That's what I want...
house rule # 2 there is no saying no...
It's always worked for me...Hey I'm a team player!

MaLou Silverman said...

I am with you. Why enter in a relationship when you can't give quality time to the partner...unless the kids have emergency, that's another story.

Julie said...

No settling. I did it once, and never will again!

April said...

I'm sorry to hear about what your ex has done to your kids. If it makes you feel any better, my dad did the same thing to me with my mom. He brainwashed me into believe what he wanted me to believe about her. You know what happened? I grew up, started thinking on my own, became a mother myself and realized how much of my life I missed with my mom because of my dad. Now? I moved to VA to be near my MOM leaving my DAD behind in Florida! I spend ALL major holidays with my MOM, having dinners as a family. I call her just about every other day and am closer to her than ever. My dad? He's lucky if I speak to him once every couple of months. Even then it's only because something has happened and I absolutely *have* to speak to him.

So, there is a possible bright side. I hope your daughters see the truth and come running back to you with tears, open arms, and a million "Please forgive me's". (just like I did to my mom)

If that doesn't work, I know some people, who know some people who don't know anyone who could come talk to your ex..........just sayin'. =)

f1trey said...

@ Just- LOL barnfight barnfight!!!!

@ MaLou- dont get me wrong.....im not selfish.....I just like some balance .......but the reverse is true..men need to balance work instead of spending too much time away from family...

@ Julie- Ata girl....been there done that .......

@ April- your words touch me deeply...thank you.....its been extremely hard....but I worry mostly for my daughter rather than me..... she is angry her dad isnt around and its not my fault...... I would do anything to have her 24/7