I want to thank all you girls for being so interested in lending an ear. I like that! Im going to ramble a bit on this post because I want to say a few things and then get off this subject for a while and give everybody a break from me since it’s the holidays!! ….
My first undergrad experience was at a little college where everyone left on the weekends……yeah dude…kids would leave and go to the bigger schools to see how REAL schools partied. Two words dude. Road ……trip. I suppose we wanted to see what the grass was like on the other side. Maybe see something new. Ya know? A chance to get away. To me those all sound like legitimate excuses….. ..I mean….…reasons…..to get out of town. Bottom line it was just a weekend thing. Not permanent. Just a diversion cause…….come Monday…it was back to class. No harm….no foul.
Lately that’s the way I’ve been thinking about……….cheating. I think I mentioned that I’ve seen my fair share of infidelity working as a PI. Now I can’t take credit here.
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
One time my buddy across the hall BEGGED me to take him to see his girlfriend…….. at Appalachian State. He didn’t have a car and I didn’t have a girlfriend so I said sure…….as long as she set me up so I didn’t feel like a third wheel. SO …..road trip it was……
We get there on Friday and the love birds are………. joined at the hip. My date…….bombed…..so I slept in the car for two nights and days with my books……Honestly it was ok….I was doing my friend a favor and there would be other times for me. Thing was……I think he already HAD a girlfriend…..Uh……dude?..........love….….FAIL. …. Do not pass go….Do not collect 200 dollars. What ARE you doing????
WHY DO GUYS CHEAT? I’ll tell you my take. If you will tell me why you think girls cheat.... Deal?
Me first. The times that I wasn’t on the straight and narrow was when…….I wasn’t really in love. Looking back …we might have gotten along great….but I wasn’t in love and I knew my heart wasn’t in it……and when I started getting butterflies in the presence of another…….well……
Truthfully….the relationship was dead. Even if someone hadn’t come along I would have ended it in a week or so anyway.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
ON THE OTHER HAND. I have heard some pretty weak excuses from guys. (not that mine are reverent) like…. “Im always looking for something better” …WT???…I guess some people are never happy with their own backyard so they eye the neighbors grass.
I’ve seen guys trade DOWN instead of up. Here me ladies ….I will explain this NOW. Please follow ……(these are rules…..to which there are exceptions so excuse the generalities and blanket statements cause its not always the case) Bear in mind some guys cheat because they…have no backbone…or…..think with the wrong body part, etc.etc.
MY experience goes like this……(now please dont get upset because you think im living in 1952...alot of this is fallout from western social history)...Home is sanctuary for men. We are told what to do from 9-5 while at work. Men are defined by their work. Which is important given that women are defined by their life at home. Work is a focus for men (traditionally) and home is a focus for women (traditionally). The SAHM puts her energy there and expects help from her partner as her goals are centered around the house. Enter ….the man. Hes worked all day so far and been told what to do. When he gets home he expects time away from being told what to do because all work and no play makes jack a dull boy. IMMEDIATE CONFLICT. What about the trash? What about helping with the kids? What about the laundry? A woman sees these things as priority. I have bad news.….THESE things are NOT a priority for a man. I hear women all the time say “he wouldn’t know what to do without me”. Don’t fool yourself…Im telling ya…we will just live in squalor. Its not pretty. Its not fun. But it’s the truth. If men thought it a priority they would run home and start doing the laundry. ….
I admit it. Men are taught work skills not home or relationship skills. So we end up neglecting what women think is important.
Funny thing….I did do the laundry and cleaned house until one day I asked her if it made a difference …she said……”no”. I stopped contributing after that…..no remorse….I couldn’t reach her cause she was already gone. So I quit after I realized I was the only one IN the relationship. LOL I frequently say that I worked ON the relationship and she worked on getting OUT of the relationship!! ……..She won!!!
Where was I?
Oh yeah……when home life turns into home work, men will go looking for sanctuary elsewhere…..I suppose that’s the same thing that women do….when the man starts treating them poorly…they look elsewhere. Yeah I‘ve said it before …Im a sooooper genius.
I think there is a difference between cheating and being used though……Its kinda hard for me to dump on some girl who decides to cheat when the hubby is a pile of….&%^*($….my own experience was the ex was a user….now THAT is not cool. A repeat offender even…..very uncool.
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and feel the power
But you won't, no, you won't
Bring it………….bring someone with gardening skills.….. I think we can all say we’ve been cheated on……even been on the other side of the fence too. I have always been in love with the thought of 8th grade love though. Ya know? Cheating was never a part of that world…….butterflies…….holding hands……. So yeah I’d trade sleepin in my car in college for that feeling of a first kiss in 8th grade. Pucker up ….buttercup! I need a kiss before I work on the lawn!
26 comments:
I don't think I've been cheated on - I mean for what? I am the whole fucking package...ok, not really but it felt good typing it.
Now, I have cheated & for what I really don't know other than it just feels good? Variety? I just can't really say. Maybe I wanna be a baller, a shot caller?
I think it's give and take, honestly. Of course the woman is going to want some help at home, but she doesn't need to be naggy, and she needs to remember that he may need a little bit of a break.
If it were me? I'd make dinner, give him a back-rub, and then ask him a quick favor like "Will you take out that trash" or "Can you fix the shower so we can get ready in the morning?"
Give and take. Do something for him, and he'll do something for you and vice versa. Let each other know how much you appreciate the help, and make it known that you're willing to do what you need to do.
Personally, in all of my relationships (and even as I see now with my platonic roommate) we've both worked. I don't stay at home. So we both get home, we're both tired, we both pitch in what we can when we can. It's healthy.
I have to add, what most people forget is communication. If two people love and trust each other (for real) they should be able to openly communicate with each other. They should be able to say "I'm really really tired today, I worked so hard and don't think I can fix that shower tonight." and the other person should understand. The same with her being able to say "I really need your help with that trash, because I can't lift it." And if either feels the other is lacking, they should be able to bring it up without it causing a fight. They should be able to talk like adults and figure it out together instead of holding it all in and ending up cheating because they're looking for some kind of break.
I don't know... That's just my opinion.
mooooooooooooowwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaah. There is your kiss Trey. Cause you have put it out there in way that I truly understand. Thank you.
I know that I made my mistakes in the marriage, call it me being young and wanting everything now. But I have learned the error of my ways. I just expected my partner that I gave my heart and soul to, to love and cherish the vows we made together. Silly me. I'm glad that I had a back bone enough to know that enough is enough and to want more for myself because I am happier now than I have ever been.
@ Kimberly- Truth is best! I cant really say I "knew" why other than when the relationship was not strong it was easy to fall.....
Yeah having control is normal thing!!:)
@ Angie- Yeah the communication thing is a real driver......I very much like it when i "GET" someone....GET....G....E....T them.. Thats a fantastic feeling it really helps because it seems most communication is nonverbal (which doesnt help) so you really have to have spidey sense goin on..... cool!!!!
Every woman that I've known personally that has cheated has done so because she has a big gapping hole in her heart because of family of origin issues.
A woman has to be able to make herself happy. If and when she can do that, she becomes happy in her relationship. Unless the guy is an insane dog, then all bets are off.
So often women look to a man to make them happy, fill up the hole in her heart or, worse of all, give her the life she feels she should have had in the first place.
That scenrio is a set up for disappointment which leads to looking at her partner with eyes that say, "You don't measure up. Ooooo, look at that one, I want him instead".
But then, I'm old and usually don't know what I'm talking about so there ya go.
@ Heather- Cool! Im glad!! thanks for the kiss!! yahoo!!! kissed by a russian.....yeah...
I think women easily label men as "stupid" or "dumb" without understanding that we have different priorities.... Im not trying to justify bad choices mind ya.....but when you step in someone elses shoes it makes it easier to understand why people do what we do.......
@ Bombshell- Oh man have you GOT it!!!! Kudos!!! oh yeah!!! thats it! Be content yourself first!!!!....they say happy people make happy marriages!!! exactly!!!
And thats SOOOO true..... because other people cant make you happy you will end up looking again.......and again....... smart girl
F1: What if you don't make a big deal about house work...you clean up after yourself and do his laundry so that he doesn't have too...and what if you never told him no for sex...ever..What if you even dressed up at times to make it exciting... and that means 6 days a week!! You know what he used to say to me...I'm just an Engineer not a life saver...Can I help it if I am an ER nurse that is passionate about saving the lives of children and adults..
I didn't say that in an angry manor...I promise! His mother hated me and he cheated...for what cause he didn't have control over me...or at least that is how I saw it...
And I was with Dr. Goldenrod because it was just to good to pass up...However I don't make it a habit to cheat! I prefer a relationship or randomness!
I cheated because I wasn't getting that attention from my ex-husband. He wasn't telling me I was sexy or wanting to spend time with me. So I found someone who did. He always told me how fucking hot and sexy I was and always wanted to spend time with me.
I have cheated on boyfriends in the past. Not something I am especially proud of but at the time there was something wrong in the relationship and I think that fact that I cheated made me bring things to a head.
Hope it all works out for you
Pudsey - York - WTF.... I'm nowhere near there!
I cheated for various reasons, dull relationship and I needed excitement (immaturity played a part here) and because 2 guys came along at the same time - callous I know but neither was ltr material.
Cheating is exciting but I don't think you do it if you are really in love.
Can you show us another part of your bodacious bod now Trey ? and a new poll please..... :-)
And now I've read the other comments, I think Bombshell Bliss has also nailed it xx
I'm here catching up on my blog reading. Happy Sunday!
Interesting debate! I think my ex cheated on me because I wasn't a challenge anymore. He liked the thrill of the chase, and after he got me he wanted a new chase. Oh well...his loss! :)
I think both people have to be committed to making a marriage / relationship work. If one or the other isn't willing to do the work, then it doesn't matter how much of a "perfect partner" they are or aren't. It's doomed from the get go.
@ Just- Gotcha...For those relationships where you give it your ALL..and it still falls apart I get great satisfaction that I did all i could.....I like taking that away as opposed to being bitter or resentful... The cheating thing though does sting dont she??? :(
@ April- Its really hard for me to think badly of someone when that happens.....ya know? If your partner turns out to be a dullard..he deserves what he gets... :)
@ Kate- Welcome! I love your blog!
Yeah I wonder how much cheating has to do with payback and "putting a nail" in it so you can move on.......
@ Barbarella- Ya silly! Ill get to it sometime.....hahaha I promise!
Bombshell nailed it.
Once you know who you are you are almost there. No one can make you happy, they can only contribute to your happiness...
Relationships have stages... you gotta be committed and incredibly communicative to be able to walk the less warm fuzzy places out.
I tell you what, i sure wish i knew (and knew how to put in practice) what i know now...
To many people, cheating means different things.
I've never cheated on anyone. I have slept with two people before though although I don't generally make a habit of that .
I don't consider that cheating though because we were consenting adults and everyone was honest.
The only real cheaters in life are those who lie to manipulate people.
I have a lot of integrity actually.
Hey suga....
Now I just flash a nipple and that usually works!!! happy holidays!!
hi.. tnx for commenting on my post.. i have a suggestion, why dont you add a CHAT BOX on your blog.. it is more easier to your followers to have conversation to you. hope you don't mind... have a nice day a head always.. GOD BLESS^^
Generally, for a woman to cheat, there was already breakdown in the relationship. And women usually tell the truth if confronted. I know so many men who will never ever admit they've cheated, gosh!
Yeah, there should be sharing of responsibilities around the house. Not necessarily taking turns in throwing the garbage, but something like, I make the dough, you take care of cooking, soemthing like that.
great post as usual, Trey.
8th grade butterflies... who wouldn't trade for that?! ::sigh:: Men and women cheat for the same reasons and they're as varied as the color spectrum - you're back to the committment to the right thing being done. You good w/ you? You'll be good w/ him/her. I like to think it's that simple.
@ Violent- Yep right on there!! be happy first! If youre looking for someone to fill your holes you might be let down!!!
@ Shelly- hehehe havent done that!
@ Just- Im sure that works!!!LOL
@ Malou- Hmmmm thats interesting! I think youre right about that..... guys just dont EVER seem to come clean and there are women though that will.....
@ SKB- I think so too....kudos!!!were together on that idea!
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