Tunnel light, the journal, and the death of a dream

Got a couple of married friends……..for now. They’re …….trying to find a way out. Yeah dude. Death of a dream. The honeymoon is over. Both girls have suffered about 20 years of unhappy marriages. That conditions folks….ya know? My 10 year ………festival of pain was………different than these girls. One girl is wearing the pants in the family. The other girl is smothered. Ya know the type? Take a second. I want those to sink in.
When you ask someone what went wrong……you get a host of different answers. “He cheated. He was hooked on pain killers. He drank all the time. He cheated. He was addicted to porn. He was too controlling. He cheated.”
I should have known my ex and I weren’t compatible …....during our first date. Ready?.......my first missed signal was……she cheated on her boyfriend to go out with me. Yeah……I was NOT paying attention. It was TOTALLY my fault. Not hers. Hehehe. Ready again? She…..fell asleep that first date…….during ……Silence of the lambs. Yeah dude….seriously. I .……either laugh then cry or cry then laugh about it. I sure can pick em!!!! Common sense? FAIL.
I have to insert a bit of trivia here or it will be forgotten forever...... I actually called off our first date......but she never got the message I sent in time and so she showed up. Either way its all good. Gotta bit of seasoning now. So Im OK dude. With all this in mind I run into very few folks that say “boy I sure wish we’d have worked that out”. Now I can’t take credit here.

Somethin' happened along the way
What used to be happy was sad
Somethin' happened along the way
And yesterday was all we had

I have to say I like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. For me the process of recovering from marriage was easier than my two friends who have a LONG road ahead. That dark tunnel is much longer for one of the two. When you try to point them in the direction of the exit where there’s light …..you get all this….. resistance. Its understandable. You live under the lash of a whip for too long and………. All sorts of things make the way out impossible to get to. A road map in the dark is NO help......and there is .......only the deep pain that comes from being trapped. A locked cage doesn’t offer much in the way of exit signs for someone who’s been beaten down for 20 years. What you find is someone who CANT make decisions…WONT make decisions….or doesn’t EVEN know they can make a decision. So….round and round it goes.
I like lending an ear. I get a lot out of listening more so than talking. When I was getting divorced it was hard to find a sounding board that didn’t come with hollow advice. So I took to making a diary of my thoughts. A kind of journal….. that allowed me to get things off my chest and clear my head. Pen and paper therapy really helped me free up my heart and soul. Its easy to have unresolved issues when theres a break up….. Yes I AM a soooper genius! So I try to tell folks to write down whats going on………I think it helps to detangle a process that for many is chaotic and directionless.
I have to put this in here. Now that the marriage has been over for several years…. Im still having some bad luck! Please don’t take offense if you have any sort of disability…ok? My neighbor is about 35. He’s on welfare… no job……130 lbs…..and has one arm……He also has a 19 year old girlfriend. I MUST be doin sumpin wrong. Oh well….good on him…. Ill just have to stay in the self service isle for now.


And oh, after the love has gone
How could you lead me on
And not let me stay around
Oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone
What used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found?

Bring it……….bring some light…..If your having a hard time seeing you can borrow mine. I like sharing light. It makes me smile. I know you’d do the same for me. There’s light at the end of the tunnel. ……. See ya outside.