Pining, cheatin, and the ferrari let down

Ok dude… ahma comin clean……..well……not exactly CLEAN….would you believe …less dirty? Would you settle for that? Small silence……Im a hypocrite. My last post was on trust and ahm breakin ma rules. And I cant tell you how many times I’ve preached truth is best. Not today. Now… gunna try an rationalize this but the bottom line is…..Ima cheatin. Now I can’t take credit here.

Your cheatin' heart will tell on you
Your cheatin' heart will make you weep
You'll cry and cry and try to sleep
But sleep won't come the whole night through

When I was a cub scout in 5th grade I spent an unbelievable amount of time preparing for the pinewood derby. Ya know those little cars you carve out of a block of wood? Well……..my dad I’m fairly sure didn’t even come to the race…….much less help build the thing. But I was very meticulous and spent every waking moment preparing the car. As a boy… ..you don’t know much about cheating…….other than ……don’t do it. Lemme say……I wasn’t smart enough to cheat. I just built the car lovingly. Sanded it, painted it…..made it look cool.

I remember that day. I came in second. I was……..pleased!. WOW!! Second place! Take that! And I did it all by myself!

My son……..is NOT having a good time. Surprise surprise…… I LOVE my son. We don’t get to see each other but maybe every other weekend. He lives 3 hours away. Its awful. I hate it. He’s been a scout for the last two years. When its pinewood derby time he and I get together as much as possible and work out what were going to do. It’s a wonderful bonding time. Working together……..using tools…..explaining things….
The spirit of the whole process is wholesome…Ya know? Really rewarding. Working within the rules……...doing your best even if you don’t win.
He’s come in LAST place both years. L A S T. Not near the bottom……..LAST. This past year he cried. Thats kinda tough especially when formula one is really part of our life. Hes even named after one of the team owners and this was a pic of us at indy last year.
Where was I?
Oh yeah....
I have to admit …two years of getting the smug, arms folded, “you’re a loser” smile from the other dads wasn’t the most pleasant thing for sure.
Enter …… adulthood…….there are all these websites dedicated to showing you how to………. Cheat. I look at them…then I look at the rules…. …then I look at them some more and then ……the lightbulb goes off. Everyone else is …….cheating. I mean not just a little. Its full blown, masterful, underhanded, blatant disregard for the rules that NO one will acknowledge because they’re ALL in on it. It’s a fantastic publicly secret lie like Santa Claus to a first grader. No cheating happens if it isn’t caught. The kind that happens ONLY BECAUSE the dads are involved. Moral fiber? FAIL. It’s just another great example of how the adult world pollutes and poisons innocence.
Ahm gunna be sick………….no……...pissed. If the kids were left to themselves there wouldn’t be any cheating! Won……derful.
The kids don’t know….. it’s the DADs……..I wanna do-over. better yet …..I want justice!!! ….. and then it happens.
I find this website that will sell you a winning car.

I look at it. …Blink…...blink

I see several cars that were AT my son’s race last year.

I’m……….steamed…….

silence……….…fan….tastic.

My son’s confidence is being destroyed by the ugliness that only comes from adults that have no honor or confidence. Liars. Cheats. Bankers. Lawyers. …….Assholes all.

Now I’m pacing……fuming…....The purity and the genuineness of the whole thing is marred, tainted, ruined by the day to day shitty world of adulthood….. and my sons the target. I tell ya ….I wanna go back to 8th grade. This is where……Ima gunna letcha down.
I make the call.
I won’t tell you how much but let’s just say you could buy a real car with the money this is going to cost.
The car will be here in 3 days.
I told my son I hired a Ferrari engineer to help this year.

Your cheatin' heart will tell on you
When tears come down like falling rain
You'll toss around and call my name

Bring it………bring it ……. Ya ..bit…..ches. Sorry……This is WAY out of character for me. And I’m laughing as I type. But I’m also mad. I’m not saying I’m proud of my behavior. Im not. I WILL tell him someday about the whole thing and this will no doubt garner some well deserved chastising and Im ready to hear it from my bloggy girls. But I gotsta tell ya. My son has already learned the lesson on how to lose and keep your chin up.. He’s learned how NOT to bend the rules. He doesn’t need that lesson again. We got it. We’ve had plenty of good times doing our best and some will say im lowering myself to a hollow victory…..but right now I feel like I’m leveling the playing field. THIS YEAR …we’re going to learn a different lesson. How to be a gracious winner