I had a marriage. I mean….I was married. It didn’t go so well. Can you relate?. Strength? Resolve? Determined? I was a rock. It wasn’t long before the distance came. No matter….. I could run it down. Then the pressure…ok ……I had big shoulders. The weight….I knew when to rest. I’m good. Ok …we got height now? Smug smirk …..I can climb……
And so it went……….and went……..
I will not quit until I plug in. There is a way in. I’ll find it. She has one. I will find a crack in that mask before I run out of will power. Easy. I am unable to give up. I am going to hold onto this while its being sucked away. Faster and faster. I will not let go. Until the lying……………the cheating ….. was clear …..pouring over the roar in my ears. I cant take credit here…..
I have stood here before inside the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain
There's a little black spot on the sun today
(That`s my soul up there)
It's the same old thing as yesterday
Oh Man……
I was suffering…but she would have to take my heart for me to be the king of pain. Sorry. No deal. You can kill the marriage but you cant kill me.
True story……I dream Im in the desert. Walking alongside the car. My hand on the knob. Shes inside, chauffeured, looking straight ahead. The door will not open… we go on. She sits. I walk. Days pass. The car is steady, silent and slow. She doesn’t move. I realize im holding onto the door with one hand…. dragging my body along the sand. Im numb. delirious. unable to speak. I can’t think or feel or remember letting go. A stone to the ground. I twist my neck and open an eye to see the car roll slowly over a dune in the distance. ……
Then I woke up. There was no plug. She didn’t have one. I was searching. Sure to find it. I grinned.. She had no plug. There WAS no way in. I smiled bigger. It got better. There was nothing behind the mask to get to. WHAT? …..There was nothing behind the mask to get to. She was hollow. ….. Empty. ….. I began to laugh. I wasn’t dead. I was free.
11 comments:
This was all over the place. Are you down and out today?
LOL I remember someone said "love schmove"..... no im good thanks for asking!....all over the place? really? I was thinking it was areal testament to survival and that others who had been through it would relate! oh well! Did I mention i was a bass player?
Let me share this with you --- http://www.authspot.com/Thoughts/Death-of-a-Relationship.138464
It happened just this way & 5 years later I am not in a much better place.
@kimberly Is that your old posting? Mine wanted out too.....so.....I let her go....the pain was gone after that. I found I was the only one in the relationship so I got to call the shots. She wasnt in it. She wasnt there. So letting go was easy. It was the holding on that gave me pain. Let it go.
I am still holding on & there is minimal pain but pain nonetheless. Sometimes I sit in my wedding dress and smear red lipstick all over my face. JK. But I feel like if I don't eventually let it go, I might just become that person.
Nothing heals in a day....It was different for me...I let go of something bad....But I have also had to let go of something good. I did the best I could so I didnt worry about "what if I had..." I learned alot from both partners....
"I smiled bigger. It got better. There was nothing behind the mask to get to."
I'm so there with ya. Sweet release. After all my striving, the emperor had no clothes the whole time! I'm free! And just look at how strong I've gotten, striving!
@Romantic Seul I knew you would agree!!! When I let go I shoved with satisfaction and aaahhhhh.....blissful clarity...I had my life back.
Trey...email me - I have a question for you - fortheloveofthebag@yahoo.com .
A british band - great choice!
Holy crap... this is good. I mean really really good. Ok, crying again. Kleenex, a must have.
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