whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Saturday, April 20, 2013

warm snakes, house hunting, and the rubics cube master

Ok…….so now……  back to bloggin. 
There have been a few iterations of my bloggyland.  Much said….and I am at peace with shouting in the desert….if it be so……even kung mag isa lang.    In the past whatcha ona bout girl was more of a structured confession slash interesting departure about men and women relationships.  I think its safe to say those days are over.  Mission accomplished.  The love train is still going.  The true story of my life is laid out for my kids to see the truth.  Agendas completed and I am satisfied…..however sad for their loss…..and  mine. 
From now on if I have something to say it will more than likely just…… stream out…..with less forethought…  big smile
I heard where 70 is the new 30.  That makes me about 24.  Ok……. I can live with that……for now. 
For a 24 year old…there is much road underneath me….….fore and aft.   A History teacher of history has much to say…….my grade is questionable…..but par…… and I would be happy with that. 
The snake says “trust me”.  They all do.  A snakes smile is easier to see when you have been through history class.  I must profess I am seeing the  lie much better than the folly that befalls innocence and youth….. 
Snakes also say….”we are not all alike”…… hindi naniniwala iyon.  Pasensya.  Patawarin mo ko pero totoo tunay.
Ok OK ..some are Black with red stripes and some are red with black stripes….either way they are  transparent….and their clarity…..crystal….
trust is earned…and snakes ultimately……… even though they work hard to conceal their lack of control ……show it…..for a second…..always.  MUDDS women for those interested in a twist of silliness. 
The lover snake calmly offers where shes been …without youre asking.  She assumes if you didn’t see it…..then you cant “know”.  Can you?  History class says the sun  will rise…even though you cant see it in the deep of night.  I didn’t need to be there to know it happened.
The lawyer snake is “only trying to help”…. Line his pockets with your dreams.  Robbery in plain sight.  It takes balls to stab the man paying for your meal in the back…… and call it a profession.
It is easier for a bad girl to pretend she is sweet than a sweet girl to feign a black heart.  History has shown me both…..your mask is no longer any good.  Lie as you wish……but your belly will be empty……
I am a snake charmer…..in the land of snakes I can be nothing else.  Except to add the obvious…..snake charmers need to eat too…..and if I am to charm then it is a mistake not of my choosing because no snake will provide warmth and love. 
The land of snakes offers little in the  warm sweet committed and loving department.  Quite the opposite.
There is one more story I would like to impart….it will be the last one…but a good one.  I have made much of my exwifes endless capacity  as a moron……other times as just evil. 
Here tis….
One day she walked in and said “lets move” .  I think in anyones mind that’s a pretty big undertaking.  But I agreed…we could do it.  (one of her coworkers who was on the same divorce plan (( fuck the husbands over, take EVERYTHING…….. then get a divorce)) had just gotten her husband to build them a new bigger house). 
So we started.  Every night ……after work looking at houses.  The conversations were all day and all night.  What school was best?  Which neighborhood did we like? Which part of town?  How much could we spend?  How much can be borrow?  How was the traffic?  How was the commute to work?  Who were we living close to? Was it a safe place?  The questions and brain power and running around was exhausting…..i was so excited to be moving ahead with such good family plans.

Finally after a month or so we picked a place.  It was big.  It was expensive.  We made the offer and waited….and waited…..they accepted it and I was so excited!
I went to the bank and got the loan…..  which is nerve wracking enough.  All those papers and the waiting.  Pretty scary to sign all that ya know???
We had to clean our house so buyers could come though…that was nerve wracking….having to leave the house so people could come look……  We were moving in thirty days!  It was exciting…we just needed to sell the house and….
One day….we got the offer….it was the right amount. This was it!  Its going to happen! WOW!
All that was left was to sign the papers selling our house…… that was all that was left to do….nothing else…just my signature….
The night before I was to go sign…..my wife walks in and casually says
“I don’t think we should move”
She said it a totally normal voice like she was telling you that its raining outside.
I said …….“What?”
She responded” Yeah …I like it here” 
“are you serious?????  You CANT be serious?”
She didn’t even look me in the face…..just kept on walking.
“you mean to tell me………..that I have spent the last two months looking at houses…..every night…..finally made an offer on the one YOU picked out…..went to the bank and applied for a loan…got the loan….signed  a contract on the house…put our house up for sale….found a buyer…… and the night before your telling me you DONTwant to move????  
THIS WAS YOUR IDEA!!!!!!!!!!! “
All I could do was stand there and say it again…..
I never even got an answer…she just kept on doing whatever….. picking up clothes or something.  It was insane.  Who would do something so idiotic???  So over the top stupid???
After we divorced it occurred to me what had happened.  Remember her friend who got the husband to build the big house then divorce him?  Guess what???  I was on the same plan!  Except….my exwife  realized after we started that SHE was the one who would be responsible for the house payment after we divorced.  Interestingly enough…her friend LOST the house after her plan backfired . she kicked the husband out a few months after they got the house …..but she couldn’t afford it.
People say I am bitter but that’s not true.  I just think my exwifes a moron.  I was glad to get divorced.  I had been used …completely….. every day. 
Hehehe I would like to offer a story of my own stupidity.  I can only laugh because admittedly so….i  miss the mark sometimes ….wide.
Went to a friends house in 1985.  The guy was a genius….Really.  He could do a rubics cube behind his back in under a minute.   He was working with two computers….had the covers off….parts lying around….. (remember this was before the internet or ANY kind of network)…….  I asked “what are you doing?”  he said “Im trying to get these two computers to talk to each other”.
My response??  “why would you want to do that?”  Big smile.  Boy was I dumb…….i was thinking “that’s a waste of time…who cares?”  Hahahahaha Uh…….. it’s the internet stoopid.
Two years later ( still no internet yet ) I went to a house he OWNED at 23 years old.  I walked in one room…and there ……..was a computer on the floor…no furniture…nothing.  Numbers just …….jumping on the screen.  I asked “whats that computer doing?” 
He answered.  “automatically buying and selling stock for me.” 
He retired at 43. 
All I can say is………..awesome. 

The end to all that rambling was really to set the record straight.  My exwife was a miserable partner.  …a master of deception an accomplished liar….an empty person…..  except she was full of shit.  Im sorry Jordan and Jennings….Lesson learned.  The love train rolls on. OH And Ive lost 30 lbs of football weight and the six pack....is back.


MS said...

So happy for you, so where are you now - in the land of snakes or in the land of milk and honey? Keep the posts coming :)

me said...

Haha both!!! But all is good! Thanks for readin ma crazy stuff

Wifeofbipolarspouse said...

So iam confused. ..did you fixed the things and get your girl by looking at these pictures?

Unknown said...

Heather !!! the horses need a feedin! hehehe No just a weakness for me. :)