whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Friday, October 18, 2013

Relationshsips, broken family, and ears wide shut

Theyre fragile.
oh......you knew that.  Well...at least we agree.  hehehehe.  Im not sure why this would be such common knowledge.........  and ignored at the same time.  There is not much effort required to destroy a relationship....but it sure takes a lot of work to keep one from falling a part.
Oh.....you knew that too.
Beyond that point......it takes some humility and balls to put something back together after you screw it up.  the words "I screwed up"  is a good start.  "what can i do to fix it?" is next.  Kudos to anyone who got it.
If you cant do that ..............there isnt a whole lot left to say.   Seems your the only hard headed resident on prisonheart island.  Kudos to you if you understand.
Figuring out how to tear a relationship apart really doesnt require much brain power......or overtime.  Making peace with someone .......does.  
Some people you cant make peace with.
Oh.....you knew that one too.
Ive always said no relationship is preferable to a bad one.  Letting go of something toxic .....really is pretty easy.....  Breaking something down isnt nearly as hard as keeping something together.  Ever see those two people and wish you had what they had?  I will admit.....its hard to get two unselfish people together.  Truly I wonder why that is.  I learned alot from the people in my life that did their best to suck the life out of me.  Parents , friends, exlovers, coworkers, business relationships, and others.  Users, abusers.....
Oh....You met them too?
 I can tell you they nearly succeeded.
Big smile.  I have a different policy and life now.  Im VERY HAPPY.  Fuck with me for your pleasure, policy or hollow needs and i will hurt you badly.   Regardless of the cost.
I know this doesnt sound like the person you are used to.  Its the difference in stepping up and being stepped on.   My good nature has allowed people to walk on me ...and you too im sure.

I know you understand.

But i am here because of what is ahead.  Not because of the past.  I am happy for what is ahead.  There are so many mornings and nights to enjoy.  Past shackles are just that.  Is there a more valuable lesson?
I'm sure everyone has their own fair share of bad relationships. Myself included. And I think it's fair to say that since you can't legislate goodness and the Bible hasn't worked for the last 2000 years that you must find another way to manage people who are not ever going to follow the Golden rule.   Sometimes you can only fight fire ...with napalm.   The new policy?  Locked and loaded.......your 70 times 7?  I dont espouse to being a thinkless moron anymore.  You want blood from me be prepared to see your own.  Thats why i wouldnt make much of a hostage in this part of the world.  If i keep spitting on you , eventually you will chamber a live round.    I learned that from my exwife.  Shit on someone enough and they eventually give you what you want.  Is this the line for sheep?
Thats ok....the line for real men is empty.  Im going over there.  You wait here dude.   This is the line for guys with no balls.
I dont give a god damned fuck if you think this is irrational.  Im not playing by the "give us your money, future and your soul and make sure you go along like everything is ok........ok?" ...law.
I assure you im completely normal.  Happy healthy and normal.  Im just not wearing the "its ok to shit on me anymore glasses".  The new "let me hand you your teeth" glasses instead  fit just fine and i like them very much.  Try me.
In order to fix it you have to know what's wrong with it.
Somehow Peoples internal barometer on give and take is busted. Which makes sense to me since I run into people all the time who are not self-aware or their decision-making process is busted.
Maybe they just don't go  into self check mode .....Or even know how to.
However said there is a balance between give and take that HAS to be observed...... if you want to have a relationship with someone.  It's a balance and it's only healthy if it is in a balance. If you skew too far in either direction then you got a problem. Too much of a good thing, too much ice cream, too much coffee, too much sleep. Okay so it's common sense stuff. If you are a giver and you give too much you're an enabler. If you take too much your .....not going near me.  Im sure of it.  
Having a  successful relationship is kind of like observing the rules at Christmas....... you have to give and it's okay to take but you can't do just one all the time.  Having both is....true gold...and worth holding on to.
Are the rules of Christmas really that fragile?  The year seems pretty hollow if the rules of christmas dont apply the other 363 days of the year.  Keep your compassion in a box and give it away once a year?  Thats  a great idea.
Breaking something down is easy.  What you do to make things right is really where the gold is.
I have to share this punking.  I just have to.
a while back I met a girl and she was all gaga over getting my number so i gave it to her.  Of course within in a day shes acting by text as if i am her savior and deeply in love.  This lasts for about 4 days.  I listen to her woes of abusive past husbands, how hard it is to raise the kids, and so forth.  All Important info so i do my part and am attentive.  On the forth day, I realize she hasnt really asked me ANYTHING about......me. .......At all.  This is ALL about her....... Heres the rest of the conversation by text.
She said....."So I took him back and then one day he just packed up his bags and left saying I can go find another."
"Yeah next time you will be smarter.  I have problems with a certain type of woman myself."
"Yes, I get involved with women who want free attention.  they dont really want a relationship they just want the free attention for their ego bank.  When it comes time to show up ....they disapear.  But i dont do that anymore.  Now I disappear."
"So you need a promise?"
"No. The promise is worthless.  Promise promise promise.  You actually have to show up in order to have a relationship."
"You mean just be friends?"
"No thats not what i mean.
..... here let me show you.  Why dont you get someone to watch the kids tomorow night for about 4 hours and come over?"
"I cant"
I reached over and ........turned the computer off.  It was too perfect.  Big smile.
She had some weak one line attempts to contact me.......i never responded.
Weeks later i saw her and she said "why did you make me cry?".
I took a sip of coffee and walked off.
One more......
Im at work and this nurse walks up and says
"blankety blank wants to go out with you"
"Really?.....ok...ask blankety blank if i can have her number?"
She returns an hour later with blankety blanks number. "blankety blank wants you to call her"
I text blankety blank that night.  Just general things....how are things? how was work?
No answer.
For a week.
then i get a text.
"sorry my phone wasnt working."
Completely improbable but ill give the benefit of the doubt. so i text back
"thats ok.  Would you like to get together this weekend?"
I cant. Im busy.
so I wait till next week and text her again.
"would you like to get together?  If you tell me your busy i wont bother to ask again."
right on cue the EXACT words come back
"Im sorry  Im busy."
Next week about 50 nurses stop me. Seriously....50.
"sabi mo sa blankety blank?"
and my response was great.
"no..... but tell her ill call her tonight."
The next day again, they all asked "have you called blankety blank?"
and i said
"no ...but tell her ill call her tonight" and smile
This literally goes on about 45 times ....and i always responded with
"no but tell her ill call her tonight" and smile
After a week the nurses started getting frustrated
"I told her you would call her last night, ......but you didnt call her!!!!!"
i smile and say "Tell her ill call her tonight"
After a while they finally left me alone. I didnt feel bad at all.  You want to play fifth grade?  Baby I graduated from head games high school.....with honors.
2 FULL months later blankety blank walks up.... out of the blue and ......says her first words to me.
"i would like to invite you to my birthday party this friday."
And I said.
"Im busy".
I may have mentioned im done with bullshit.  Done...and happy to hand you your ass. Walang kawawa.  Besides Im in a better place than i have been in years. LOL I bring my A game...i always have...if you bring your Mc B game, serve it to the guy next to you.  
  .... I dont need a woman.  The love train is about finding someone great for YOU!  Need and searching have NOTHING to do with it.  The love train hands out tickets to two people you cant break...... there is no coach section.  Half ass it somewhere else.
Oh ....you knew that TOO?
My current squeeze is.....good....she makes me happy and when i see her smile i know its good.  Not perfect...LOL........ jazz takes some time ......but her feet are so sweet under the covers.....sleep is good.  Will it last?  Maybe?  No regrets.  None.
Personally, i am turning new corners and crossing new bridges all the time....much to my satisfaction.  Sometimes that path is by choice.....sometimes i get pushed.  Regardless.  I am stronger than your black heart.
I have accomplished many things here and owe much thanks for a listening and often bored audience.    But my thanks to readers cannot be overestimated and i am grateful to have people to jaw to.
This blog has been for many reasons.  The most recent ambition was to let my children know about their father and to guide them in my absence.   Instead they have decided to continue with the shallow and  ill fated plan of "shit on dad so he knows how much we are angry" instead of trying to find a way to make us all heal..and searching for the truth........Im done with being the recipeint of such idiocy.  I will not plead my case anymore.  It is clear though that they want NOTHING to do with me.   The last message i sent to my daughter was there was nothing left to destroy between us and and to take care of herself.  I wish you all great fortune and emotional happiness......  join me. :)

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