Pining, cheatin, and the ferrari let down

Ok dude… ahma comin clean……..well……not exactly CLEAN….would you believe …less dirty? Would you settle for that? Small silence……Im a hypocrite. My last post was on trust and ahm breakin ma rules. And I cant tell you how many times I’ve preached truth is best. Not today. Now… gunna try an rationalize this but the bottom line is…..Ima cheatin. Now I can’t take credit here.

Your cheatin' heart will tell on you
Your cheatin' heart will make you weep
You'll cry and cry and try to sleep
But sleep won't come the whole night through

When I was a cub scout in 5th grade I spent an unbelievable amount of time preparing for the pinewood derby. Ya know those little cars you carve out of a block of wood? Well……..my dad I’m fairly sure didn’t even come to the race…….much less help build the thing. But I was very meticulous and spent every waking moment preparing the car. As a boy… ..you don’t know much about cheating…….other than ……don’t do it. Lemme say……I wasn’t smart enough to cheat. I just built the car lovingly. Sanded it, painted it…..made it look cool.

I remember that day. I came in second. I was……..pleased!. WOW!! Second place! Take that! And I did it all by myself!

My son……..is NOT having a good time. Surprise surprise…… I LOVE my son. We don’t get to see each other but maybe every other weekend. He lives 3 hours away. Its awful. I hate it. He’s been a scout for the last two years. When its pinewood derby time he and I get together as much as possible and work out what were going to do. It’s a wonderful bonding time. Working together……..using tools…..explaining things….
The spirit of the whole process is wholesome…Ya know? Really rewarding. Working within the rules……...doing your best even if you don’t win.
He’s come in LAST place both years. L A S T. Not near the bottom……..LAST. This past year he cried. Thats kinda tough especially when formula one is really part of our life. Hes even named after one of the team owners and this was a pic of us at indy last year.
Where was I?
Oh yeah....
I have to admit …two years of getting the smug, arms folded, “you’re a loser” smile from the other dads wasn’t the most pleasant thing for sure.
Enter …… adulthood…….there are all these websites dedicated to showing you how to………. Cheat. I look at them…then I look at the rules…. …then I look at them some more and then ……the lightbulb goes off. Everyone else is …….cheating. I mean not just a little. Its full blown, masterful, underhanded, blatant disregard for the rules that NO one will acknowledge because they’re ALL in on it. It’s a fantastic publicly secret lie like Santa Claus to a first grader. No cheating happens if it isn’t caught. The kind that happens ONLY BECAUSE the dads are involved. Moral fiber? FAIL. It’s just another great example of how the adult world pollutes and poisons innocence.
Ahm gunna be sick………….no……...pissed. If the kids were left to themselves there wouldn’t be any cheating! Won……derful.
The kids don’t know….. it’s the DADs……..I wanna do-over. better yet …..I want justice!!! ….. and then it happens.
I find this website that will sell you a winning car.

I look at it. …Blink…...blink

I see several cars that were AT my son’s race last year.

I’m……….steamed…….

silence……….…fan….tastic.

My son’s confidence is being destroyed by the ugliness that only comes from adults that have no honor or confidence. Liars. Cheats. Bankers. Lawyers. …….Assholes all.

Now I’m pacing……fuming…....The purity and the genuineness of the whole thing is marred, tainted, ruined by the day to day shitty world of adulthood….. and my sons the target. I tell ya ….I wanna go back to 8th grade. This is where……Ima gunna letcha down.
I make the call.
I won’t tell you how much but let’s just say you could buy a real car with the money this is going to cost.
The car will be here in 3 days.
I told my son I hired a Ferrari engineer to help this year.

Your cheatin' heart will tell on you
When tears come down like falling rain
You'll toss around and call my name

Bring it………bring it ……. Ya ..bit…..ches. Sorry……This is WAY out of character for me. And I’m laughing as I type. But I’m also mad. I’m not saying I’m proud of my behavior. Im not. I WILL tell him someday about the whole thing and this will no doubt garner some well deserved chastising and Im ready to hear it from my bloggy girls. But I gotsta tell ya. My son has already learned the lesson on how to lose and keep your chin up.. He’s learned how NOT to bend the rules. He doesn’t need that lesson again. We got it. We’ve had plenty of good times doing our best and some will say im lowering myself to a hollow victory…..but right now I feel like I’m leveling the playing field. THIS YEAR …we’re going to learn a different lesson. How to be a gracious winner

Spotlight, Trust, and a future fortune cookie

When I was in…. Oh….5th grade a bunch of us would play “spotlight”. We lived next to this military academy and I was a “townie”. So in the summer when school let out and it got dark some unlucky soul would sit on this cannon at the front entrance with a high powered flashlight and everyone’s mission was to get as close as they could to the spotter before being ……spotted…..Simple enough rules. We would play till about…….midnight. Yeah dude….. the hunted and the hunters………all clad in black…..warriors…..spies…….defenders of freedom and the American way…..against all those…..who…..dared……..to be …….mean or nasty. Now I can’t take credit here.

The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door

Spotlight……like any other game….. kinda depended on trust and fairness to work. Nowadays I can’t tell you the number of things that end up in the “I’m not real confident bout this” column. We’re probably in the same boat. Ya know?
Men have this ……propensity to skin a cat…….anyway they can…….rules be damned. Breakin the rules…….takin a risk…….. Playin it safe doesn’t get you in the highlight reel. I think it’s important for women to understand that. Growing up…..boys aren’t applauded by their dads for being conservative. In fact …..boys are typically belittled if their efforts aren’t up to par. I see a lot of mixed messages. Moms….try desperately to make their sons “stand still” and dads who try to make them run faster. It doesn’t surprise me that boys turn out to be men that will ultimately let you down. I admit it. We’re not very smart. Give us conflicting signals and were sure to disappoint you when you want us to be generous, kind, and trustworthy material. LOL clear message? FAIL.
I have to admit I like learning about my weaknesses. I’m not sure you can teach an old dog how to be trustworthy. I don’t think it matters whether the dog is a male or female. You either have it in you …or ya don’t. If I don’t think I can trust you…I’ll jet. So I like being someone that makes a woman feel safe so she is freed up to think about taking ownership of her own satisfaction. Does that make sense? There is nothing better than having my partner trust me FIRST...then ......push till her body responds uncontrollably with tightness.
Hehehe Ill spare you the details because Im sure you have similar stories too. Ive had several monogamous rewarding relationships that were destroyed in under 5 minutes. The reason? I was violently acused of not being trustworthy. Absolutely bunk..... but.....there it was.
I can see how the ability to trust gets destroyed easily. But I always want to be a partner my lover can trust. Lemme say …..I’m worried. I don’t think I’m alone. I don’t see too many folks who have real trust in their partner. If that’s all there is …. I need to give my love to some other cause.
Im seriously considering becoming a foster parent. I kinda like the idea.
I would much rather be a successful foster parent than fail with too many more women who……cant trust ……..and aren’t trustworthy.
Don’t laugh……. I’m seriously considering a mail order bride too. Or …moving to Utah.

Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried
Anyway you'll never know
The many ways I've tried

Bring it………..bring some trust. I cant do it any other way. I know that doesn’t make me different than anybody else. We all want love…….but Im not much of a lover if I cant make you see that Im trustworthy. Love and trust you build together. It doesn’t come with “just add water” and you can’t have one without the other. I’m going to learn Mandarin or Cantonese before the year is out. Can I get a fortune cookie with that?

Dominos, Blue moon, and plan B

Oh dude I got some BAD news. Im NOT happy about this AT all. I do love my bloggy girls and it’s a great part of my world to get your advice and read your blogs. I get to work everyday and can’t wait to see what’s going on with your lives! ….Ready?... The IT department has fire walled your websites. …..long silence……..Meh………Sh….@$*. I cant even post from work. ……long silence…….SO …Im not going to be able to visit as much as you deserve. I’m……sorry. Now I can’t take credit here.

Blue moon,
you saw me standin' alone
Without a dream in my heart,
without a love of my own

I ……don’t like giving up on something. You have to deserve what you get a couple of times over before I pull the plug. When I do…there’s no remorse, no pain, just………open road.
Cool dude…..hahaha
Wait….what?........Come ON Trey…No pain? ….chuh right.
What I mean is… yeah I DO have that pain …but I only give credence to it for so long.
My high school class has a core bunch of folks that have ALWAYS been tight. We keep in touch over the years. I have to admit I love that bunch and its nice to feel that comfort of seeing old friends. There are some that…over the years have just…..disappeared. We spent 4 years together and for whatever reason they haven’t kept in contact with ANYONE. ….No one……just…....gone. Friendship? FAIL.
Usually I exhaust every resource I can before saying “I cant find them”. This past year….. thing’s were different. It’s been…..29 years that these folks have NOT reached out. So when someone asks where is “so n so?” I say ……I didn’t look for them at all……..they’ve had 29 years to call someone …they haven’t……so I agree…we don’t need to see them (they obviously don’t need to see us) and I don’t care where they are. What matters is that YOURE here.
I was pretty down on my luck with employment a long time ago….and Im sure most can relate……. So I had taken a second job at …..DOMINOES!! …shaking head now……
The outfit was…….a character builder……just in itself.
I didnt mind the job so much..…that is ….until Pam opened the door.
We went to high school together.
She was having a party.
Fan……...tastic.
"LOOK WHO IT IS!!!”
Oh…..god…no….
“HEY EVERYBODY!!”
Oh….please….no….
COME SEE WHOS WORKIN AT DOMINOES!!”
Heres your pizzas. That’ll be $ 22.42
COME ON IN!! HEY EVERYBODY…COME HERE!!
No….I have to get back before I get in trouble (for passing out in your driveway).
She wouldn’t give me the money until she made sure I was TOTALLY humiliated…..Until she could drink in the agony and pain on my face. So around the room we went……everybody laughing and taking their shot at my manhood with maximum effect.

I didn’t quit over that…..

A few months later I told my boss I would like to have New Years Eve off. It was my girlfriends and my anniversary and she and I deserved an evening to celebrate. He said “No.” “But this is November….. Im giving you over a months notice.” “No”
I paused…….. “Im asking you to let me celebrate my anniversary.” ……”No”
He informed me that if I didn’t show he would fire me. I didn’t show. He called for about a week ..trying to tell me Id been fired. I never gave him the satisfaction. I did however take the girlfriend out. It was worth it. Not ALL good deeds go unpunished. LOL I remember a few years ago where some guy spent the LAST 20 bucks he had on roses for his wife. She pulled out a gun and shot him.
I sometimes have a hard time remembering whats important in this life. My pride in a dominos uniform or......being a man that deserves having a woman clinging on his arm with doey eyes. Truth is...this is icing. There are more important things in life for me to do than to moan about where the love train is stopping. It will come when its good n ready.

And then there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will hold
I heard somebody whisper "please adore me"
And when I looked, the moon had turned to gold

Bring it….….bring plan B. Yeah I’m hacked off I can’t get to your posts like I want…..or even see my own during the day. That Sucks. But I rather like thinking that there’s open road to be enjoyed rather than dwell on bad memories. A full moon beats a cloudy day for sure. Even if its blue.

High infidelity, Wool, and Revenge sex

You know me dude……. I always say reality trumps all. Yeah dude…I know…..thats a kill joy. My bloggy girls are NOT going to like this. But l also say truth is best. Of course I say that…….. but am not always able to deliver.
I do like noticing differences between men and women. ….big smile….. nothing is better for communication than for me to listen or a mile in my partners shoes……I get JACKED when it comes……..when I say… “I get you”…….man that’s a good feeling. Now I can’t take credit here.

As soon as you are able
Woman I am willing
To make the break that we
Are on the brink of
My cup is on the table
Our love is spilling
Waiting here for you to
Take and drink of

High infidelity indeed…….
I was reading this weekend about what leads men to stray and why women have “revenge sex”. Men are apparently forgiving of other men for issues of infidelity. Women it seems aren’t forgiving of other women who step over the line. The article didn’t really paint a good picture of things. Women tend to protect a relationship if it starts to go sour and men…….look for opportunities. I think women look at consequences….men look at the consequences of getting caught. I’m putting that nicely. The article went on to tell guys what they could do to be MORE faithful. ….It had ……completely useless suggestions….like….dont do it……be closer to your spouse……think of what your giving up….dont do it…..dont be tempted…..and………don’t do it. Fab…u….lous. Chuh…..right. Advice?....FAIL. I'm a serial monogamist. My own fidelity I dont worry about. Catching my love is much more of a task.
Women I think idealize a relationship and men tend to be more reality based. Like I say reality trumps all. I don’t hear many men say things like “you should like what you do……….theres somebody for everyone…….everything happens for a reason”. In a man’s vocabulary, day to day, these concepts just don’t enter into why the cars busted or how were going to fix the sink.
The movie AVATAR works because it moves back and forth from reality to ...fantasy....you have to have BOTH to make the story work. Fantasy alone wont cut it. Yes..I am sooooper genius. I can see WHY women “hope” for things. But men don’t “hope”……..we are NOT on the same page here. It will be or it won’t be. Hope changes nothing. See…I KNEW you weren’t going to like this. But that’s how we think. We don’t think about how the world “should” be. Ok ..little play on words there…we don’t really think at all.
Now as cold as all this sounds it makes more sense to a man to think this way than to…….have a distorted body image. To watch a soap opera like it was real life. To think things are good even when its obvious……they suck. Speakin ma ugly piece here. Men may very well need to “grow up” but which of us is living in a fantasy?.....(ahm gonna get slapped for that)…..
Peace…. I don’t mean for that to condemn..…hopefully it will spawn some introspection. Think about it. The same “hope” you sprinkle to keep your spirits up….prevents you from seeing that he’s……… a cheater….a drug addict….a liar. .I know I don’t like it when the wool gets pulled over my eyes…..but I only compound the problem if I refuse to see the wool at all. Ya know?...seein its one thing…DOING something about it is another. Personally I like you in something that makes you feel beautiful when I put my fingers in your mouth and your hips tighten with just the right amount of constant pressure…and….. your breathing …you have …..to ….hold while it moves through you in waves…..…..wool just doesn’t work here.

So if you're tired of the
Same old story
Turn some pages
I'll be here when you are ready
To roll with the changes

Bring it………..bring some reality. Which do you think will serve you better? HOPING she’ll leave her current boyfriend or……The harsh reality that……she’s taken.
If you want to understand a man you have to think a bit like one. Sorry.
There have been times in my past that I just did not WANT to see the wool….and I suffered for that….. Nowadays….. I see a bit more clearly and it’s no longer a shame to let something go because my partner was too selfish, or too conceited to fix a mistake. Reality? Check……

The fairytale, a polliwog, and magnum PI

I want to thank all you girls for spending time at ma blog. It makes me feel rather good when you leave a comment and I preciate it! …big smile……
When I was a private investigator I saw plenty of folks pretty much……in torment. Yeah dude…guys…girls…it didn’t make any difference. People’s lives were getting torn up. Searching for answers. Searching for someone. Making themselves into someone…… different. I remember that time for myself and I was frantic to uncover the truth. That’s why I got into the PI thing in the first place. To kinda help folks get through it cause I had been there maself.
An old girlfriend of mine said “I don’t understand why you can take two, intelligent, educated people, who are in love……….but you can’t make their marriage work.” I have to admit…...that befuddled me too. To her discredit….she’s on her third marriage right now……Im sure shes thinking third times a charm and ahm thinkin…....three strikes and your out. Yeah dude, I have a feeling this one will end up on her scrap heap too. Really I should go easy on her…… affairs of the heart sometimes sound like an episode of unsolved mysteries. And Im no Robert Stack. LOL More Like Leonard Nimoy on “In search of”……… who thinks he’s Magnum PI. instead of ……….Monk. Now I cant take credit here.

Where you going?
What you looking for?
You know those boys
Don't want to play no more with you
It's true

If you’re looking for a prince …then the swamp is no place to find anything but frogs. What’s a princess doing in the swamp anyway? I guess some turn out to be lucky frogs ifn ya get ma drift. LOL I guess if you follow that tale more closely …..Doesn’t the frog have to TURN into a prince? Oh dude. LOL fairytale…. FAIL. I think people normally think the moral is….. you have to go through a lot of losers to find Mr.right.. .I had someone tell me they thought it meant “don’t believe what guys say” I’m not so sure that’s the ONLY message. I don’t believe you can CHANGE someone else into what you want.. You probably don’t either. Yes….I am a sooooper genius.
I have to admit I hide a bit of myself when I start dating someone. If I told you I LOVED jazz……. Im not so sure the look on your face would be very approving. There I said it. I’m guilty. I’m not as forthcoming about myself upfront. This is NOT good. I preach about communication and…….I’m NOT taking my own advice. Yeah dude…gotta work on that.
I think most would take offense if your partner suggested you “change” something about yourself. Enter……..the divorce. Oh yeah dude…we got some changin agoin on now! But ya know? I hear a lot of people say the relationship has “changed” or the partner has “changed” and that its NOT what it used to be. I don’t hear many folks say that “they’re” the one that’s changed. It’s always the partner. I think that’s interesting. I’m pretty big on TRYING to look at my own shortcomings before I decide it’s the enemies fault. Never the less… what in this world stays the same?

Sister Christian
Oh the time has come
And you know that you're the only one
To say O.K.

Bring it……….bring some compatibility. You know? It takes a confident frog not to be jealous or controlling. I AM happy in my skin. If I do my part right…… Im bringing out the best in my lover….not changing them. I see a lot of frogs dead in the road. They probably deserve to have the $%!T squashed out of them. I’m still learning…....a polliwog in the rough. If I’m lucky….I just might turn into………a frog. I think that’s ok………I just………. Want another tadpole to love and spoil along the way.

A nice guy, The missed signal, and cupids arrow

Booyaaa!!!! Yeah dude my buddy just got it!! Been fightin an uphill battle with a friend of mine who has been dancing at the whim of a fishing girl. She fishes …….she dangles ……and he……..pants and jumps up and down. She……..tells him no….and calls back a few weeks later…….and it starts all over again. “what can I do to get her back?” he asks at least 3 times a week.
“Dude……… she sent you several emails saying she wasn’t interested. What part of that do you NOT get?”
“But she said I was a nice guy!!!”
“AND….whats your point? You ARE a nice guy…..but you still DON’T get it”. Now I can’t take credit here.

Don't take your love away from me
Don't you leave my heart in misery
If you go then I'll be blue
'Cause breaking up his hard to do

I have another friend with the same problem. Shes…….backpeddling out of the relationship and her man……..doesn’t get it. Women seem to have a completely different philosophy when it comes to the “how to’s “ of breaking up. (don’t hit me here….I make blanket statements from time to time….generalizations don’t ALWAYS apply…….I hear ya!). I have another friend I am SOOOPER proud of. She ended the relationship by saying
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.” He wasn’t listening. “how about counseling?”
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.”
“What if we spent some time apart?”
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.”
He got it. No ambiguity there. Message?......... PASS!
This is a picture of the gym I work out at. It’s beyond Spartan. There’s another place in town…..but I don’t even consider it. I like where I am. Not even going to consider switching. Breakin ma workout up is NOT an option. I’m not listening to the enticements of a cleaner, nicer facility.
Men have selective hearing. I hear women say that a lot. Not going to argue. I think your’e right!!!. We hear what we want. I can’t say this is a good thing. I have to work on that myself. I admit it. My personal history is overfraught with………”how did I miss that?”
There is a dynamic here that I think women overlook when they’re trying to break up. They mean well but they…… give mixed signals. Conflicting even…..hey …we’re guys…….were easily confused.
In an effort to “make it painless” women backpeddle…….very slowly saying touchy feely things interlaced with the REAL message. Saying “

You’re a nice guy
you will find someone
I’m not ready
Im going out with the girls”

And then…… for added effect….you shut down…..hoping he’ll “get the hint”.
He wont. Know why? You never said……… “its over”. Instead you have a ten minute discussion about how things aren’t working. In your mind you’re saying.

No
No
No
Youre a nice guy
No
No
No.

Guess what he hears..…..go ahead …….guess. Ready?

“Im a nice guy”. WOW I have a chance!!
Yeah we have selective hearing. But if the message is buried……hidden under sweet words designed to let him down easy and full of low level compliments…….why WOULD he get it? Breakup..…..FAIL.

They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it's true
Don't say that this is the end
Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again

Bring it…………..bring the gods of communication. Hehehe Say what you mean….mean what you say. Im sure THAT makes sense. I just am NOT good at reading tween the lines. I thought that was just……...space. When you’re in love you really want to be understood. Don’t you? I mean……you want to KNOW he cares and loves you too……with zero distortion …..No? You don’t want him to guess whether you love him…..do you? Would you want to have to guess at whether he loves you or not? I want that message…….crystal. When I look in your eyes I want to feel your heart. The message…..I love you doesn’t come with kindas or maybes. What good is that? Cupids arrow hits me in the heart. If you’re trying to break up with me…a shot in the leg wont do it…...you better aim for my heart again.

Tunnel light, the journal, and the death of a dream

Got a couple of married friends……..for now. They’re …….trying to find a way out. Yeah dude. Death of a dream. The honeymoon is over. Both girls have suffered about 20 years of unhappy marriages. That conditions folks….ya know? My 10 year ………festival of pain was………different than these girls. One girl is wearing the pants in the family. The other girl is smothered. Ya know the type? Take a second. I want those to sink in.
When you ask someone what went wrong……you get a host of different answers. “He cheated. He was hooked on pain killers. He drank all the time. He cheated. He was addicted to porn. He was too controlling. He cheated.”
I should have known my ex and I weren’t compatible …....during our first date. Ready?.......my first missed signal was……she cheated on her boyfriend to go out with me. Yeah……I was NOT paying attention. It was TOTALLY my fault. Not hers. Hehehe. Ready again? She…..fell asleep that first date…….during ……Silence of the lambs. Yeah dude….seriously. I .……either laugh then cry or cry then laugh about it. I sure can pick em!!!! Common sense? FAIL.
I have to insert a bit of trivia here or it will be forgotten forever...... I actually called off our first date......but she never got the message I sent in time and so she showed up. Either way its all good. Gotta bit of seasoning now. So Im OK dude. With all this in mind I run into very few folks that say “boy I sure wish we’d have worked that out”. Now I can’t take credit here.

Somethin' happened along the way
What used to be happy was sad
Somethin' happened along the way
And yesterday was all we had

I have to say I like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. For me the process of recovering from marriage was easier than my two friends who have a LONG road ahead. That dark tunnel is much longer for one of the two. When you try to point them in the direction of the exit where there’s light …..you get all this….. resistance. Its understandable. You live under the lash of a whip for too long and………. All sorts of things make the way out impossible to get to. A road map in the dark is NO help......and there is .......only the deep pain that comes from being trapped. A locked cage doesn’t offer much in the way of exit signs for someone who’s been beaten down for 20 years. What you find is someone who CANT make decisions…WONT make decisions….or doesn’t EVEN know they can make a decision. So….round and round it goes.
I like lending an ear. I get a lot out of listening more so than talking. When I was getting divorced it was hard to find a sounding board that didn’t come with hollow advice. So I took to making a diary of my thoughts. A kind of journal….. that allowed me to get things off my chest and clear my head. Pen and paper therapy really helped me free up my heart and soul. Its easy to have unresolved issues when theres a break up….. Yes I AM a soooper genius! So I try to tell folks to write down whats going on………I think it helps to detangle a process that for many is chaotic and directionless.
I have to put this in here. Now that the marriage has been over for several years…. Im still having some bad luck! Please don’t take offense if you have any sort of disability…ok? My neighbor is about 35. He’s on welfare… no job……130 lbs…..and has one arm……He also has a 19 year old girlfriend. I MUST be doin sumpin wrong. Oh well….good on him…. Ill just have to stay in the self service isle for now.


And oh, after the love has gone
How could you lead me on
And not let me stay around
Oh, oh, oh, after the love has gone
What used to be right is wrong
Can love that's lost be found?

Bring it……….bring some light…..If your having a hard time seeing you can borrow mine. I like sharing light. It makes me smile. I know you’d do the same for me. There’s light at the end of the tunnel. ……. See ya outside.

2010, a balloon, and the treadmill of love.

Ok dude, I deserve it. I’m……..gettin some laughs at the gym. Granted…….gym rats are NOT the brightest bunch but you try something unorthodox and ……..down comes the hammer. Your’e a target for months for thinking outside the box. Lemme say I DONT like thinking inside the box. That gets you.......divorced. People LOVE to bring you down if they can. Being a running back, EVERYONE on the defense wants to kill you anyway.
I was trying to think of some interesting ways to work my lower body. Since I DON’T have a girlfriend, I’ve been trying to work my lower body in ways that football players just ……….laugh at. Like………. Kicking a balloon around the gym with ankle weights. OK………so……..yeah I know it looks…….funny.
It won’t look so funny when football season hits.
It is the New Year and no…I don’t have any resolutions. Surprise surprise. Just a schedule Im going to keep in my training. The trick is ……..to keep varying the workout. Change it up. Try something different.
I hate running. HATE IT!!!! I don’t mind sprint drills (never said I was smart), but I cant stand the monotony of jogging on a treadmill….. for even just 20 minutes. Pa……..thetic. Now I can’t take credit here.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man

I heard a comedian the other day laughing about why relationships lose their romance. He said “all the tricks I use to get a woman in bed the first time I don’t need after a year…… cause she’s going to bed with me anyway.” Ok…..…so it was funny…….tragically accurate….…but funny.
I got to thinking about it and he does have a point. If you want your relationship to fail you might as well do what your friends are doing. Small sarcastic tone there……. But really there is something to that. Ever had a relationship that you thought was going along fine and all of the sudden you find out …....its over…... You thought things were going good and steady? Well.....maybe they were. Maybe that was the problem. I think it has something to do with repetition…… routine…….. Yes I AM a soooper genius.
Without a doubt everyone will agree that you have to mix things up to keep the relationship healthy. A show of hands isn’t necessary…I mean it’s a given that we all think so…right? So……...why doesn’t that happen? If the relationship is SO important you would think that BY NOW …..some of us would take heed. Myself included.
Lemme say I like learning something new…… I think its cool. Im just built that way. If stagnation is sure death for love then Im for mixing it up. Wow Trey…..thats brilliant. Well…..I think words and intentions don’t cut it. Just cause you “think” about mixing it up doesn’t mean it happens. Say what you mean, mean what you say. I DO try to mix it up. Romance is a learning process for guys. Some learn……..others….well……..don’t. If your man can’t figure out that you NEED romance outside the bedroom….. you might be hangin around for a handout that never comes. ON THE OTHER HAND. A woman who does the same thing over and over in the bedroom will eventually find her man is only in it …..for two minutes…..and he wont stay there long. Eventually he will find another bed. Relationship FAIL. Don’t blame him for doing the same thing over and over….. if YOUR doing the same thing over and over. I hear women jump all over guys……. that they can’t stay faithful. If the room is dull I either change it…..or change rooms. There is SOME reasoning behind that I think.
But this is a two way street. I can’t point fingers unless I have a mirror in the other hand. Throwin rocks in a glass house is NOT the best idea. So if I’m preachin, I better be listenin too.

Time may change me
But I can't trace time

Bring it…..….bring something new. Yeah it’s a new year. So its time for a change. You never hear a man say he wants to be romanced. Only women read romance novels….but that too is a problem. Men don’t read that stuff. And I think women set themselves up for disappointment when they think that a man is supposed to BRING them romance and a woman’s responsibility is just to receive it. POOF!!.......ready made…..but really….what ROMANTIC things do YOU actually do? What? Clean the house? Wash his undies? Vacuum? I really appreciate it when those things happen…..I say so…..and I pitch in too….but Im not so sure men equate sweeping with love. Ask your man which hed rather have. I doubt he would choose sweeping. Just like men wrongfully equate bringing home a paycheck as love. It’s not. One thing is for sure. You do it …like you did before and you just might NOT get it …….again…… Here’s to 2010 !!

Romance, the stars, and the Zagnut effect

People give me flak for spending a lot of time at the gym. “Youre overtraining” “you need recovery time” “why are you here all the time?” hehehe …yeah dude. I admit it…… I work out pretty hard. One thing is for sure. I like results. One thing I do NOT like is NOT getting out what you put into something. That’s life I guess. Some things don’t always produce the results you want, even when you put in the effort. Ya know? School, work, kids, marriage…...I can see how romance gets trampled under the modern foot….Yeah dude…. All things being equal I can see how romance has the deck stacked against it…… So I like going to the gym because I know I will get out of it what goes in. I think its interesting that other people don’t see it this way. They see it as “overtraining”. I kinda see it as dedication and commitment. Now I can’t take credit here.

My love must be a kind of blind love
I can't see anyone but you.

I like that formula. Effort = Results. You can’t say that about everything. I have this ………program….. that works really well in the gym. I’m not OCD about it…but it definitely works…. So I stick with it.
There’s this one guy that comes to the gym all the time and he…..just doesn’t get it. He pushes…he pulls…he lifts….but he’s the same size he was 2 years ago pushing the SAME amount of weight he did 2 years ago. I really want to take him aside and explain what’s wrong with his program….because it pains me to see him put in the effort and get NO results.
The same thing happens when I diet. People always say “you cant do that!!” Really?.......watch me……3 weeks later I lose the weight and people still have the bad sense to say “You cant diet that way”…… Really? …I just did….. and the weights GONE…..what’s wrong with this picture???
I’ve always said… if you want to be smart….do what smart people do….if you want to be rich …do what rich people do…… if you want to be thin…… do what thin people do.
If you want to be in love…do what people in love do…..yeah dude Im a soooper genius. If your taking relationship advice from your girlfriends …who are on their third marriage….consider the source……please.
I want to clue you girls in on why guys aren’t that romantic. Ready????
No one showed them how. Echo..…echo…...echo.
The total amount of relationship advice a boy is given by his father is “turn the wrench to the right to make it tighten and left to loosen…got it? Rightey tighty lefty loosey….can you remember that son?
At no point in time during the football game does dad turn down the sound and say “son make sure you don’t yell at your wife”. Dad apparently yells at the redsocks… and when the mower blows up……so…...were told its ok to yell.
Girls are playing adult when they’re six years old. No wonder your’e ahead of us! Lemme say point blank now that this is where there is always some girl who comments “I didn’t do that”…….Bull…all you girls have played school, teacher, cooking or dolls at some point in time. You may be a tom boy, climb trees an all but you DID play grownup at ONE point in your childhood. I cant STAND it when someone says “not everyone did that” yes I understand your point… 0.2 % of the population REALLY hammers your point home. There goes my theory ….yep……right down the drain. Don’t know WHAT I was thinking ….girls and dolls….boy was I wrong. Chuh……..right. I call this the zagnut effect. At NO point in time has anyone EVER said “yeah…….while your in there …….get a me a zagnut” As soon as I proclaim this….50 people stand up and go “Oh man …..I LOVE zagnuts and I say that three times a week!” Bull $(%)^.
Where was I?.......Oh yeah…. Guys just don’t have much in the way of real world role models for romance. So we don’t really have much to go on. What’s worse I hear women say “he should know what I want” Wow…now THATS a recipe for communication success. Men are supposed to read your mind and know what you want. Women are better communicators? Im not so sure. Romance FAIL. I’m not too hip on the idea that my love life is tied to my ability to mind read. If so ..…I’m in trouble..…and so are you.

Are the stars out tonight?
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright
I Only Have Eyes For You, Dear.

Bring it………..bring something in your eyes. You can read all the romance novels, watch all the soap operas and new moons you want… but if you don’t help us with what turns you on …….we’re just going to continue getting poor marks in the romance department. I’m lucky. I get it. I like being a rock… and I like the feeling of making my woman feel safe and secure. Taking out the trash without being asked….. and not spending the extra cash on some more video games. Hehehe. But I had to figure that out on my own. I’m not complaining. It’s a great place to be. But think about it. Where is your man going to get a lesson in what romance is??…..…unless its from you.

The tango, a snow man, and a bag of bones

Oh man did we GET some snow. Its making things difficult. Beautiful….but difficult. Yeah dude…. I have NOT done my Christmas shoppin yet…… The car is snowed in and may not come out till Tuesday…..not good…. Christmas is coming SOON! I walked 3 miles to the gym and back on Saturday and spent 5 hours….walked again to the gym on Sunday…..New ankle weights and the snow turned the trek in to an exercise…….Oh well….when it snows…..make a snowman I guess.
I have several folks on my mind lately …..all having a rough personal time with their lovers. All for various reasons but… its hardship that’s proving tough…...testing…….questioning……..doubting……..is it over? How do I handle this? What now?
The good times are easy.
Suffice it to say some handle the pressure better than others…. But handling the pressure doesn’t fix the issue does it? I like being able to hit curveballs but if I don’t run the bases what good is it? Now I can’t take credit here.

Under pressure
Under pressure

Dude I am not the best at pickin up the pieces but two things come to mind. 1) What am I doing to help fix the problem that’s within my power (if I can save this thing) 2) What am I going to do now because ……its over. Yes….I AM a sooooper genius…. Aren’t I? LOL. But tell me ...if this is such common sense then why is it that people drag on.....revisiting the same questions with no resolution...over and over.?
I have to laugh because for our anniversary I bought my wife dance lessons thinking it was romantic and fun. Im half Italian so I was ready to pour the hot blood with a rose in my teeth. ..learning the Charleston, big band music…the two of us arm in arm having a good time…..learning the tango……well…it takes two…the money was wasted…….we never used the lessons….. Just like the bicycle built for two… I bought one for another anniversary thinking it would be romantic…. Her response? “why didn’t you just buy two bikes?” LOL……Romance? PASS…….Partner? FAIL.
When I went to take my SAT’s on a Saturday morning I was….. unprepared. Yeah dude…NO tools in the tool box. So I wasn’t looking forward to the experience and getting out of the car I………slammed my thumb in the door.
“YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!” …..A………MM……MM…..A……$%&@! I could barely speak…my thumbnail black and blue, swelling by the second with pressure from the blood. I had to hold it over my head to keep from passing out and I stumbled in to the testing area, dazed. One arm permanently frozen ……above my head.
Question was…...just like my marriage…..what was I going to do now??....... Grit my teeth and go on. No choice.
It wasn’t pleasant…it wasn’t fun….but when I resigned myself to the fact that there was no alternative… I got peace……I got comfort. The results weren’t pretty but I KNEW I would survive…..NO question.
I’ve had relationships that were very important to me go bad. Question was…what was I going to do with the bones? What was I going to do to make sure I didn’t feel bad THIS weekend? next month? Next YEAR?? I don’t want to be reliving this ONE MORE TIME. What good would come from carrying a bag of bones around for a year?
Its OK to grieve….that’s normal….the end of love stinks for sure. Get it out. Let it go. When we were in marriage counseling….my ex-wife wanted some pills to help her through it…the therapist’s response? "No…..you need to feel what’s happening”. LOL She was very good at avoiding A LOT of things (she had another Dr. prescribe stuff anyway). I’ts ok …it was ALL beyond my control.

Can't we give ourselves one more chance
Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love

Bring it…..…bring your best. I hear a lot of folks talk about the other person when they’re breaking up. It’s NOT about the other person. Its about YOU. If it’s beyond your control….let it go. Trust me… you look a lot sexier without a bag of bones on your back. I can think of other things that would look good there! Hehe.
I can meet you. But I can’t walk through the snow AND bury your bones. I could. But I wont. And waiting till the snow melts? …..If you do...well…then ....my beauty its just………..water.