whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Monday, September 28, 2009

late nite yes, hamsters, and the undertaker of love


Working at HoJos as a dishwasher didn’t really offer much in the way of wooing the ladies…….So when I saw her I had to be real s t i l l….. ..and wait for her to leave. I walked up to Debbie and asked….”Debbie…...crinkled nose………who was that?” Oh that’s my sister Anita……silence….Debbie looks me up and down….”why?” …….my head tilts just a little bit…”shes ……….very……. pretty”. Eventually I roped her into going out and the first thing she did was punch me in the arm…” I was all sweaty and wearing a TRACK suit that day you goof”………….we got along GREAT........ But I killed it and didn’t figure out what I’d done until later. Now I can’t take credit here.

Maybe I think too much but something's wrong
There's something here that doesn't last too long
Maybe I shouldn't think of you as mine

In forth grade my hamster died. Bear with me…….he stayed downstairs which wasn’t the warmest place in the house and I went down one day to feed him and play a bit and there he was……… all stiff…..…eyes closed. ……AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!.............Im jumping up and down ONONONONONONO!!!!!! I get him out and run upstairs to the kitchen…. WhadoIdo?whadoIdo?whadoIdo? I get some warm water in a medicine dropper and give it to him…………nuthin……..milk!!! give him some milk!!!!! I get some milk and put it in the dropper…….I give it to him and ……….he sputters…..HES ALIVE!!!!!!!!!! So I keep giving him drops of milk …..for about 2 hours…...he sputters but he’s stiff as a board… later that day I buried him out back in a shoe box……...in the rain…....with a little prayer….……Bout…..mmmm…….6 years later I’m sitting in biology class and the teacher starts talking about how some mammals like bears can hibernate…….”you mean like hamsters?” …… “yes Mr. Logan”…..”like…...when they get cold??”.....”yes Mr. Logan”………fan…….tastic….. I buried my hamster………..alive. It was a bit too late to do anything about it at that point. Yep…… messed that one up……
Anita and I hadn’t been together very long when I made the mistake I couldn’t fix. We were downstairs at her place late one night and EVERYTHING was going……………great……until………..I hear this yes song come on the tv……we’re kissing and Im …………listening to the tv……things start to get a little hotter and heavier.....and Im……….looking over her shoulder so I can see the tv…......its getting HOT and INVOLVED.....…....and …... yeah dude……your messing this up…what ARE you doing dude??? …..your gonna kill it…….your going to bury it in the backyard………...get the shovel……and…..and……yeah dude…its dead……you killed it…..things weren’t the same after that……..Oh I got to see the yes concert…….thats ALL I got to see……….

I take for granted that you're always there

Bring it………bring some common sense……. I could use some. The HoJos is gone and Anita is happy and married…….Thats one I killed before it got started…and yeah….. gotta couple of loves I had to bury in the backyard because I was just NOT thinking right. But I refuse to be known as the undertaker of love. Nowadays love dies easily. Schedules….kids……bills…..wandering eyes and booze ……....make time for love, if you don’t youll kill it………..and I still have a lotta livin and lovin left to do.……. One thing is for sure……..every time I hear a yes tune I smile ……..…just a little…..

9 comments:

The Romantic Seul said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
f1trey said...

OMG wha???? LOL....wha??
......sounds to me like you buried "pickles" the parrot my dear.... parrots have this ability to sleep...be stiff..and keep one eye open...didnt you know that??

its called fake rigoralis.....or something....

stevie says maybe you were all hooked up with mish and forgot to feed him....

im just sayin......... Hehehehe ...sorry....change of subject before you hit me with a shingle........

April said...

Can we start calling you The Undertaker of Love? I liked that! But instead of meaning it in a bad way, we'll turn it around to mean that once she falls in love with you, you've killed the chances of all the other guys. See, that's a good thing!

HAHA! Word verification: hosent. I've sent you a ho. Enjoy. =)

f1trey said...

@ April- Please step away from the ho!!!!...can I have two? Im trying to make up for lost time..... LOL

OMG are you kiddin?? Ive buried so many relationships I have "rent a priest" on speed dial for last rites!!!!!!!

Kimberly said...

Murderer! Murderer!

f1trey said...

No!!!!! It was professor plum in the kitchen with a candlestick!!!! I swear!

Kimberly said...

It's okay...I'd help you hide the body.

f1trey said...

@ Kimberly- I knew I could count on you! Im going to buy you TWO shots of tequila!

Love, Evolution, and Resilience said...

Your comments are almost as entertaining as your blog... I had something witty to say, but then I read 'rent a priest'... omg. Can I get that number?