whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The water bed, joe cocker and a weekend track star


Pam was sweet………and well …….endowed…….Dark, long hair and lovely dark eyes. Her mom was a jewel too. She was still living at home when she gave me the news “my mom says you can sleep over”…..Until then it had been late nite makeouts on the living room couch……an lemme say I was good with that…..so when the news came I was ………scared????.......embarrassed????? ……yeah dude………..her MOM said I can sleep with her DAUGHTER……...over night…….....in……....the waterbed……. Gee willickers……...I mean…..
So shes DRAGGIN me into her bedroom literally ………and the business gets going…..…Im FREAKIN cause her moms in the NEXT room…….THE NEXT ROOM……..…..ogodogodogodogod………be quiet…..omanomanoman…. sssshhhhhh……..Now I can't take credit here.

feelin' all right, oh oh
I'm not feelin' too good myself, oh oh

Eventually the hormones get the best of me and I… CENSORED ……and she…CENSORED………..and then we….CENSORED..some more……..until…..we collapse in full sweat…….her head on my chest , her hand on my arm…….just enjoying the moment….
I reach over and…………….there’s the CENSORED spot……..we rest……hmmm pretty big……..I am………a MAN. A few minutes later my hand hits the same spot again….hmmmm that’s REALLY big……I am a BIG MAN!!!!!.........we rest………a few minutes later…….I feel something wet….. I reach over and the spot is……. HUGE!!!!!!………..I m not THAT big of a man…..what IS that??? The lights go on and …..…….the water beds busted……….oman………….OMANOMANOMAN!!!!…..…we throw on clothes and start rushing around…..Im running through the house like a professional track star on fire and the house is ALIVE with us rushing to the hall closet, to the bathroom , tearing the bed apart…….and I meet her mom in the hall….WHATS GOING ON?????....I stop ……cold………...I have this …..…..blank stare …UH……….…….…..Pam pushes between us…”the waterbeds busted mom”………all the blood runs out of my head……….and her mom hands me a stack of towels......

Seems I got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dream
Imprisoned by the way it could have been

Bring it……..Bring …. a place to stay…… cause I am NOT going through that again……..Pam and I had some really good memories but I was young and shallow. Pam was……...well……..endowed….. and we were so comfortable together that her frame caught up with the rest of her. I felt a bit out of place and my attempts to change things weren’t effective until………… we broke up. We talked a few years later and had a good laugh when she ribbed me that I never got to see her after that “cause she was HOT!!!!!” and everything was good between us….. but from now on…….. I think ill just stick to my sealy posturepedic

8 comments:

Kimberly said...

Waterbeds are overrated in love making anyway...

Kimberly said...

Oh yeah...whatcha ona bout boy?

S. Eutin said...

So...whatcha ona bout girl won. Yea, I agree with Kimberly, water beds are overrated. Oh hell no! haha Have you considered making a movie?

f1trey said...

@ Kimberly- Isa ona bout CHU!!! hehehe......yeah darlin I have NOT been on one since!!!!

@ STAC- hahaha A movie?? --can I get brad Pitt to play me??? LOL Honestly I think its already been made....did you see running with scissors??? LOL

S. Eutin said...

Yea, I think I did see that movie, which character were you?

f1trey said...

@ Stac- LOL well everyone was nuts... I really enjoyed my childhood...but Augusten had some crazy things happen and so did I!!!

Shubarna said...

I had a silly smile plastered on my face while reading through your post... i likes :) likes lots!

f1trey said...

@ Shubarna- thanks :) doing my best to bring a smile!