whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Boston, the YMCA and pennies in the pool


Who doesn’t LOVE the water??? All those opposed need not bring it…You’re excused. Yeah dude…I lived in the country and I learned to swim at the YMCA. Inner city kids in their underwear and some of them in the buff….no joke dude. My mom was banned from the local pool because she left me in one of those big ass cribs and I had pooped and spread it all over everything including myself. . BUT…….
By seventh grade I was a fish….I don’t remember who told me that Jennifer thought I was cute. JENNIFER?????...REALLY??? WHO TOLD YOU THAT???ARE YOU SURE????REALLY???..... but I spent the ENTIRE summer trying to get her attention.
This would NOT be easy. There’s like ……COOL high school guys….…big guys….like……...with cars. I’m supposed to compete with THIS???
OK …challenge accepted. I swim the length of the pool…..underwater……DID SHE SEE ME???? HUH???.....DID SHE SEE THAT??? Im buying people ice cream…..I got that cool new towel…………..nuthin…..
Alright ….that’s IT….I’m upping my game…..I’m getting at least …….10 pennies off the deep end bottom…….yeah dude……im…..pressive.
I dive in ….and crack heads with Jody……somebody pulls me out…....then there was the time I thought it would be cool to spin around on the diving board and get all dizzy before I went in….I fell off and hit the concrete……….
Clearly my courting skills needed some refining….who was I kidding?......they needed an overhaul….
A few years later I get…….…..the call. Party? …. Jennifers?....... Parents gone? Dude I am THERE. Now I can’t take credit here.

I'm gettin' ready for a party tonight
Yes I'm gettin' ready to cruise
And if you've got somethin' for me
I've got somethin' for you

By now I’m life guarding AND driving. Ok dude..its sink or swim. I take the car….put the top down, crank up the foreigner…. and race over there…….everyones around back so I make my dramatic entrance…….I drive ACROSS the yard and around the house…….. shades on.....music blarin. Its wet so the car starts spinning so I give it more gas to keep it going. ….by the time I get around back everyone is staring and there is mud flying, music blasting and the car just TEARS up the lawn. I rev the engine and it sinks deeper and deeper until it finally comes to a complete stop……………total silence…..….. I will NOT be swimming today….. In fact I will be sinking……..I feel like sinking…..yep Im sinkin…….got that part down …..I finally got her attention

Baby, it's a party as long as you're there
It's a party, party, party!

I turned the music off…… It took everyone pushing to get me out of there. Its ok. …..That relationship sank but it wouldn’t keep me from jumping back in.
Bring it……bring a flotation device…..if you can’t ….Ill share. I’ve learned its good to be ready ….just in case someone wants to swim. ……breaks over!!!!!!

11 comments:

S. Eutin said...

You are way too hilarious! OMG, reading your blog is becoming the highlight of my day. I can picture everything you say, from smearin' poop to your dramatic entrance. I remember when my ex and I started dating, I was young, walking up Broadway (lived in NYC at the time) and I, in my gracefullness, fell over the curb, flat on my behind, he just kept walking, didn't even notice he was talkin to himself, should have told me something right there, huh. haha Fun to laugh at ourselves (or others) keep it coming!

Kimberly said...

Oh muh lawd! It's a wonder if you are even alive to write about this stuff.

Sink or swim is right. I hear drowning is an awful way to die....

f1trey said...

@ S.-Problem is I have too much material about ME!!!!!!LOL ...Yeah I can laugh a bit.....trust me...if you had fallen down with me....you would be my next blog!!!!LOL

@ Kimberly- I surprise myself!!! thats for sure.....footnote getting the car out tore the yard up worse than going in.....all true .....every word

ViolentLove said...

you are such a trip.

what must it be like to hang out with you?!?!? :D your life stories are too funny!

i had forgotten about pennies in the pool. good memories... thank you for that.

be kind to yourself.

Diane said...

Love me some water. It's where I meditate. I spend a lot of time in the pool. Not so much pushing cars out of the mud, though, thank heavens. But she was lucky... I don't think anyone ever wanted to make an impression on me that way!

f1trey said...

@ Violent- LOL I can ONLY imagine ......but the word dangerous does come to mind.....thanks darlin!! I know people want to know what its like to hang with YOU!

@ Diane- LOL Oh I can laugh about it NOW.....Lucky???? LOL Im only lucky her parents werent home!!!

ViolentLove said...

haha. if you're ever in florida you'll have to come find out. :D

bet it would make a funny blogpost!

"Seattle" Heather said...

That was a great post! Gave me a chuckle. And I've read the Old Man and the Sea before...
Good book.

Pennies in the pool...wow...yeah I remember that. Your blog sometimes makes me remember things from my childhood that I'd forgotten; so thank you Trey!!!!

f1trey said...

@Violent- hehehe you know better than to tempt fate! besides..Theyd flog me in the county square if i tarnished your reputation! :)

@ Heather- I liked that book too! and yeah.....you are SOOO old...childhood was like......last month or something! hehehehe you are NOT the old maid and the sea!!!!! J/K peace darlin!

The Romantic Seul said...

wuzzn't gonna say it, wuzzn't gonna say it, wuzzn't WAS NOT - enh, well, oh well.

If it had been me throwing that party and you racked up my parents' yard like that, I'd have been in so much shit I'd have had to assume you did it just to be mean. I don't think it would ever have occurred to me that I was supposed to be impressed.

f1trey said...

@ Romantic- just DARE me to do it!!