whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Saturday, March 6, 2010

A pillowfight, houses in love town, and the birds and the bees

Yeah dude….I……….am a contact lover. If I can get you close to me I want your head in my lap where I can stroke your hair or rub your ear slowly. I will frown openly if you tell me NOT to touch your feet. For me its stress relief and the comfort of building that brick house in love town….. together……I rub you …..you rub me. Lately Ive kinda been havin ta rub maself. Being in the self service isle leaves few options. Hehehe yeah dude ….spending a lot of time in the gym you tend to read articles on how to increase your testosterone levels. Every grid dawg is taking some combination of hormone releaser, prohormone, estrogen crusher and test booster………the latest thing? ……blush……old school……….porn. Now I can’t take credit here.

Feel the heat,
pushing you to decide
Feel the heat,
burning you up,
ready or not
Some like it hot
and some sweat
When the heat is on

Playing football demands a bit of………channeled aggression…..lemme jes put it thata way. Yes….I am a sooooper genius. Sho nuff. But I have a feeling most men (whatever their profession) have similar shortcomings when it comes to being a good lover. If ya think about it……that’s certainly something you have to learn on ya own. You can’t get valuable instruction from your parents growing up on the “how to’s” …thank goodness……just that you ARENT supposed to do it until……….your a mature bird or bee. Yeah dude did I EVER get any instruction as a boy NOT to have sex? …….The serious answer is…..no. My mom apparently got a book from the library regarding the subject and lemme tell ya…as a second grader I was NOT prepared for such a discussion. I dont remember what was said cause I probably blacked out or something when i saw the pictures...... Page 1 "The man sticks his dilly hoo into her cha cha and out comes his hot man chowder".....or something along those lines.....My mom tells me we were both laughing hysterically by the second page. We didn’t finish the book.
At NO point in time was I told to wait for marriage …….or use protection….or ANYTHING of the sort. Instruction?......FAIL. Luckily I………..waited till I was 18. So no regrets there.
Where was I?
Oh yeah….
As a guy …….I don’t think we’re given much in the way of a roadmap or blueprint on what a woman wants. Inside or outside the bedroom. I think women give some thought to what makes a mans switch flip …..which is great!...... but also sad because men are inadequate to return the favor unless they work at it. I admit it. I need your help! I made a D in mind reading 101……
Of course this doesn’t excuse idiocy on ma part. The model most men get revolves around the philosophy “if it moves hit it…if it breathes kill it”. That’s how we solve problems. Forcing the nut, throwing harder, elbow grease, spit, and yelling louder than the next guy are all acceptable ways of handling things…..if you’re a man.. (unless you’re an accountant…..in which case I have NO idea what your role model for love was).
Problem is……….those same communication tools (or lack of) we use from 9 to 5 don’t really condition us for romance when we get home. Even though you lay bricks all day….You cant take a brick to a pillowfight.
Personally I like a lot of balance when Im in love. Until I hit the bedroom. Then I want to be assertive and in control. Ifn ya deny me that then………we gots problems. I must be doin sumpin wrong if you won’t let me enjoy you. I rather like a sirens submission and if Im doing my part right then……theres no resistance when I wind you up, hold you down…… and push your body to tighten for that moment where you ……cant speak and ……cant breathe.

Some like it hot
but you can't tell how hot
Till you try
Some like it hot
so let's turn up the heat
Till we fry

Bring it……….bring some heat. All this snow has got me yearnin for some summa weatha! Hey I like snow but this cold spell is wearin on me! I don’t know what’s worse …….having no skills or having skills and no one to share them with!!! But make no mistake….sharin something you cant get anywhere else makes it worth the hunt……..and the wait. Yeah dude…..Nothin like building a new house in love town.


Christiejolu said...

You story about your mom and the book was hysterical! Loved it.

I know most men have no problems telling a woman what makes them feel good. My problem is in past relationships if I told a guy what may work for me they get insulted. Even if they have given me tips. I don't get that one. That being said I do like when a man takes control in the bedroom.

Most men don't want to do the whole rubbing feet back rub thing. At least not the ones I have encountered. You sound like a real catch Trey! I hope you find the perfect woman for you, you deserve it.

As far as winter goes, it has been in the 70's here in Arizona!

Miss Angie said...

Sometimes (and I know this is a horrible thought, so please forgive me) I have a hard time thinking men have feelings. What I mean is, those feelings of yearning and want that I always feel are so girly and needy in myself. It's nice to read your blog and be reminded that they do, they're just not as good at showing it.

I agree about all of it, really. How you feel about being the man, is how I feel the man should be. LOL!

Also, here in Utah they just scream Abstinence Abstinence Abstinence! They don't teach you anything. It's dumb!

The Invisible Seductress said...

swoooooooon!!! Few like you are left!!! Teach classes for asses!!


Copyboy said...

I think your mom and my mom got the same Birds & Bees book out from the library. Probably the most uncomfortable 22.8 minutes of my life...as I'm sure theirs as well. Great blog!!!

Just telling it like it is said...

I'm all about the you rub me and then I rub you and the then you rub me and then you fall into me...sounds like fun hu?

Ca88andra said...

The father of my three sons left it totally up to me to tell them about sex and the birds and the bees. I got the video (yep, that long ago) called Where did I come from? and read them the book of the same name when they each turned 10. I've always been open about talking about sex with them, as long as they don't ask me personal questions! Oh, and yes, I've bought them condoms too! lol

Crazy Brunette said...

Take my breath away Trey!

Ahem!!!! Yeah, um so, I, uuuh, forgot what I was going to put...

I'm all in for tie me up, tie me down!

Danielle said...

What is this concept you are talking about. It's been so long I don't remember! :)

Dutch donut girl said...

I'm still waiting for the birds and the bees pitch from my mother. Sad, because I'm 28 years old. HA.

Rub away!

Rach said...

What did you mean by "sirens submission"? Maybe it's obvious, but I just took a bio test and my brain is fried. Also, after reading your blog, seriously, you don't have to get your cdl's.(lol) I think submission is great if it's given to someone deserving.

f1trey said...

@ CJ- insulted?? really?? thats weird...oh im a catch all right!! hehehehe

@ Miss Ang- heheh thanks! i guess onone of us got the education we really needed!

@ Invisible- OH no!!!!! ahm keepin these secrets to maself!

f1trey said...

@ Copy- hahah yeah I think DID black out!

@ Just - somehow I KNEW you would be good with that!

@ Cass- hmmmm how did that work out?

f1trey said...

@ Crazy- big smile.....you silly!!!

@ Danielle- LOL you and me too!!

@ Dutch- Im willing to be by now ...you DONT wnat that convo to happen! :)

@ Rach- hehehe i still need to drive! you dont need bio class to get that!!

April said...

I've probably had more conversations with my son about sex, how to have it safe, how it's special, how to be respectful to women, ect. than the average parent. The point I'm trying to make to him is not to be that guy. And the other women on here know exactly what I'm talking about. That guy that pressures women for sex. That guy that will be the nicest guy in the world until he gets some and then never calls. That guy that turns out to be just like every other asshole. I know he's a tad young to be having these conversations with him, but they start early these days.

Eternally Distracted said...

I don't know what I love more - your posts or the comments they provoke!!

Linda Medrano said...

You are a good guy, Trey. I think you will have the ability to make a woman trust you. When she trusts you, she will tell you exactly what you need to know about pleasing her. (The story of you and mom was hilarious!)

Amy said...

Seriously man....


The men in this world NEED your perspective.

f1trey said...

@ April- thats what you get for bein a cool mom!!! I love those pics in your last post BTW!

@ Eternally- hehe gotta admit I love em too! :)

@ Linda- LOL why should my luck change now?? hahaha thanks darlin!

@ Amy- You know I love it when you like ma stuff! hugs to rileybug!

Barbarella said...

Hell Trey - are those Power Station lyrics? Loving the 'eye' and a new poll!! Happy Days ;-)

SKB said...

::phew:: Some days it's almost too much reading your stuff, T, having been in the same aisle for some time myself! LOL

My daughter maintains I scarred her w/ a very clinical, albeit brief, explanation when she was in K & asked what sex was. I waited a little longer w/ my son & he seems pretty well adjusted about it & ready to wait at LEAST until 18! LOL

Love your stuff, Buddy, even if sometimes I have to play catch up!

f1trey said...

@ barba- good call! yes indeed.....powerstatin it is!!!! :)

@ SKB- better days ahead for you darlin!!

Love, Evolution, and Resilience said...

Oh yeah, I'm in... like really really in... lol! Once again Trey... you got me.