whatcha ona bout girl??

whatcha ona bout girl??
A retrospective on the inner workings of love, flying pancakes, mensa disasters, dandelion cookies, number bending, super salt, bubblegum oysters, chicken spit, crystal kidneys, guerilla carrots, polychromatic tofu, paraphysics, tender vigilanties, black sand, phillastine placebos, wood soup, buttered shuttlecocks, apostrophe training, fish whips, bleeding speed, plastic fantastic lobster telephones, venus drug rehab, clowns on fire, kiosks on a leash, marshmello overcoats, bottled light, fried blood, unbridled hyperthyroidism, folding wine, amygdula tickling, fainting in coils, hamburgers for the apocalypse, plastic memes, and conjugal fritters.....well...the love parts true

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A nice guy, The missed signal, and cupids arrow

Booyaaa!!!! Yeah dude my buddy just got it!! Been fightin an uphill battle with a friend of mine who has been dancing at the whim of a fishing girl. She fishes …….she dangles ……and he……..pants and jumps up and down. She……..tells him no….and calls back a few weeks later…….and it starts all over again. “what can I do to get her back?” he asks at least 3 times a week.
“Dude……… she sent you several emails saying she wasn’t interested. What part of that do you NOT get?”
“But she said I was a nice guy!!!”
“AND….whats your point? You ARE a nice guy…..but you still DON’T get it”. Now I can’t take credit here.

Don't take your love away from me
Don't you leave my heart in misery
If you go then I'll be blue
'Cause breaking up his hard to do

I have another friend with the same problem. Shes…….backpeddling out of the relationship and her man……..doesn’t get it. Women seem to have a completely different philosophy when it comes to the “how to’s “ of breaking up. (don’t hit me here….I make blanket statements from time to time….generalizations don’t ALWAYS apply…….I hear ya!). I have another friend I am SOOOPER proud of. She ended the relationship by saying
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.” He wasn’t listening. “how about counseling?”
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.”
“What if we spent some time apart?”
“Nothing you say or do will change my mind. I want a divorce.”
He got it. No ambiguity there. Message?......... PASS!
This is a picture of the gym I work out at. It’s beyond Spartan. There’s another place in town…..but I don’t even consider it. I like where I am. Not even going to consider switching. Breakin ma workout up is NOT an option. I’m not listening to the enticements of a cleaner, nicer facility.
Men have selective hearing. I hear women say that a lot. Not going to argue. I think your’e right!!!. We hear what we want. I can’t say this is a good thing. I have to work on that myself. I admit it. My personal history is overfraught with………”how did I miss that?”
There is a dynamic here that I think women overlook when they’re trying to break up. They mean well but they…… give mixed signals. Conflicting even…..hey …we’re guys…….were easily confused.
In an effort to “make it painless” women backpeddle…….very slowly saying touchy feely things interlaced with the REAL message. Saying “

You’re a nice guy
you will find someone
I’m not ready
Im going out with the girls”

And then…… for added effect….you shut down…..hoping he’ll “get the hint”.
He wont. Know why? You never said……… “its over”. Instead you have a ten minute discussion about how things aren’t working. In your mind you’re saying.

Youre a nice guy

Guess what he hears..…..go ahead …….guess. Ready?

“Im a nice guy”. WOW I have a chance!!
Yeah we have selective hearing. But if the message is buried……hidden under sweet words designed to let him down easy and full of low level compliments…….why WOULD he get it? Breakup..…..FAIL.

They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it's true
Don't say that this is the end
Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again

Bring it…………..bring the gods of communication. Hehehe Say what you mean….mean what you say. Im sure THAT makes sense. I just am NOT good at reading tween the lines. I thought that was just……...space. When you’re in love you really want to be understood. Don’t you? I mean……you want to KNOW he cares and loves you too……with zero distortion …..No? You don’t want him to guess whether you love him…..do you? Would you want to have to guess at whether he loves you or not? I want that message…….crystal. When I look in your eyes I want to feel your heart. The message…..I love you doesn’t come with kindas or maybes. What good is that? Cupids arrow hits me in the heart. If you’re trying to break up with me…a shot in the leg wont do it…...you better aim for my heart again.


"Seattle" Heather said...

It's true. Guys just don't get it sometimes. I mean in my case I said it was over. I slapped with divorce papers. Filed a restraining order...and he still thought he had a chance. WTF?!?

I like your gym it's simple.

PS. I'm jealous your post showed up. I posted something at 10:30 this morning and blogger has yet to throw it up on the blog reel. I hate you blogger. Oh sorry...I'm over here on Trey comment...um yeah back...anyway...you still have snow? Yuck. I have rain. Ha ha.
GOing to the Boat show in Two Weeks Go ME!

Diane said...

Next time I have to break up with someone, I'm gonna remember this post. Of course, you actually have to DATE to break up, don't you? Yeah. By then, my memory will have gone. Oh well. Thanks anyway, Trey! ;)

Seneca said...

Hey everyone! Oh heck. Ladies listen to the 'Trey'. He knows what he is talking about.

Amazing that you posted this today, the break up I had that we discussed....yah he called today. Did I answer? Heck to the no! He left two voice messages. Was it because he saw me out with another guy? Or is he really sorry? I don't know or care. Ha. Oh and thanks to you Neil Sedaka has been stuck in my head all day.... :D

f1trey said...

@ Heather- this is sooo cool.....your situation will eventually get its own blog here.. i have my own ideas about that! you still look nice in red! i can see why the restraining order might not work!

but you did the right thing and you know it!

@ Diane- LOl thats good! hehe you have a good memory I read your blog! youll remember!!!

@ Seneca- Im glad you made the right choice too!!!! he was not being truthful with you and you are far too smart to answer his phone calls...this isnt the end...he will call again..... be ready.....real love is in store for you ....i can tell...... :)

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Julie said...

I never get to do the breaking up so I have no advice here!

OK maybe once or twice I did, and yeah I was probably kind of ambiguous. In fact, I broke up with a guy after three years by saying I'd met someone I wanted to get to know better...when the reality was that I was pretty much living with the new guy by then. In my defense, I clearly had not seen the old guy very often if I could be that serious about someone else, right?

If I'm ever the breaker again, I'll take your advice....

Miss Angie said...

I have ALWAYS found that being blunt and honest is the best way, in just about every situation. Sometimes it's just hard to know that the truth is going to hurt someone.

Nicole said...

Bottom line...sometimes the truth hurts. But it is better to get it out then be miserable trying to placate someone else.

Kimberly said...

Why is breaking up hard to do? Why can't some people let go? Oh yeah, afraid to be alone...that has to be most of it. I once heard & once practiced - "the fastest way to get over one is get under another". And tell your friend - no chick, no matter what she says wants a nice guy.

f1trey said...

@ Julie- I know theres a good couple of stories there! hehehe

@ Miss Angie- hmmm gotta think about that for a bit. Im not sure how much the male world gets all bent up when theyre getting out of a relationship... ya know?? maybe thats partially why girls sugar coat theyre exit strategy...

@ Kimberly- I have NEVER had that problem maself.... I mean....being afraid of being alone...i kinda see it as "just not in love" .....BUT I do have my own set of dating issues..... I can see how being "too good" isnt the best idea for capturing a partner.... kinda goes against logic dont it?

f1trey said...

@ Nicole- funny how that makes so much sense but then again the world doenst seem to follow that all the time...weird!

Ily said...

I had this conversation with a guy friend a while back and he basically told me women have to be rude for guys to get it, that, "I don't think so," means MAYBE she thinks so.

Remember the movie "Dumb and Dumber"...when Lauren Holly tells Jim Carrey he has a "one in a million" chance with her and he says something like, "So it means I have a chance..." This post reminded me of that scene. lol

The Invisible Seductress said...

I meant what I said,,I said what I meant....

I know, I know ,,, it ends in "an elephant's faithful 100 percent"
it's a kids book....but the first line is good,, eh???
...just saying,,Horton and You make a great point!!!.....
..trying to be "sooper" nice and spare feelings could hurt more in the end.

f1trey said...

@ Ily- yes! you said it better than I did! :) I'll have to remember that!!! cool!! thanks for saying that!

@ Invisible- you quote all the childrens books you want !!! :)

Just telling it like it is said...

I'd say she just not that in to you!!

tattytiara said...

You know, in my little rambling romp through blog land I just heard the exact same situation, except it was the woman clinging to a small compliment in a sea of rejection.

Sometimes we all only hear what we want to hear, especially when there's something we really, really want to avoid hearing, eh?

Workforced said...


I got your comment on my blogspot post. I'm not sure how you found the post because everything should redirect to www.workforced.com, which is the address of my new office blog. Please come in and check it out.

I've already signed up to your blog!

Chin up sir. We were not put on this earth to get it.



Rach said...

Nice post. How about this? "Honesty is the best policy." OK, well, not always, but after years of trying to make things better to no avail, it's time to cut to the chase.

f1trey said...

@ Rach- wink wink with no regrets i might add.....

Linda Medrano said...

Women sometimes try so damned hard not to HURT someone's feelings. I guess I put myself in the other person's shoes. How would I feel if he said "I just don't feel THAT way about you." Hurt right? Well, maybe, maybe not. Dressing it up with "you deserve so much better (than me), you are the greatest guy in the world, but...,", or "I'd love to marry you but unfortunately I swore my future to God and so it is impossible" is not really the best possible way out.