The luck department, the one month job, and the LAST lawyer…ever

Every word of this is true and if anyone says otherwise they are a liar.  I know this has been long, but we are slowly arriving into the recent past. Hehehe I think that makes sense….  Remember this is all just a recounting of things past….. big smile.  There is always light at the end of the tunnel…..sometimes you just have to wait to see it.  Now I can’t take credit here

There’s a message

On the wire

And I’m sending you this signal tonight

Missing you indeed.  Eventually Shanna and I moved to charlotte.  Money was very tight…it was very hard to find work……and I was making less and less with each job.  It wasn’t my fault hospitals just started paying less and less. But that didn’t stop Mary from demanding more and more money.  It really made no sense.   Attorneys kept saying I needed to pay more.   I had bought another boat because I needed a place to stay when I went to see the kids……I can hear Mary saying “oh your fathers rich” but that was never the case …I spent everything to get it and even borrowed money …..because it was a way to see the kids…..not because I wanted a boat..  It was a place to stay so I could see them on the weekends.  Jordan was happy to come.  Jennings hated it.

We were living in Atlanta and understandably I was missing my kids so bad. And then my heart broke. Shanna ….well…out of respect ….i will be kind and just say…she messed things up between us…not on purpose….but the damage was done because my kids ended up being the victims…. And I would not allow it to happen again.

... I felt so bad for my kids….. I had not seen them in months, missed them so badly and could not believe what had happened. The love of my life had, in the space of an hour destroyed our relationship….. and my kids still didn’t have the dad they deserved.

I took on extra work for the weekends and another job as an FDA consultant.  So I was working three jobs. 
I naively thought I could get back in their lives. The consulting job put me in DC so I would be closer to them so I took the chance and moved.  It took all my money to get there.

The job lasted one month

When I got my paycheck it was much less than I was told I would be getting.  Frantically I took a job in West Virginia. That way at least I could see them on the weekends.

The pay was shit but I was glad to finally get close to them. 

But that didn’t happen.

My daughter was gone. Understandably consumed with anger and bitterness for the family that was broken and hatred for me because i was not there for her…and when I was she couldn’t stand to be near me.   At this point she didn’t want me around.  And i confess that i was broken because i never wanted any of that for her. I desperately wanted to be a good dad but never got a chance. There were many months that i could not afford a place to live because my child support was too high and i could not afford a place to stay AND make child support payments. Unfortunately the salary in wv was so bad that I couldn’t afford to go see them …gas prices were too high….. yeah money was THAT tight…that I couldn’t afford the three hour trip on weekends to go see them.  Pot pies were fifty cents apiece and a weeks supply of dinner was $3.50 plus tax.

But Mary by god she got her check.

Hehe on the bright side…I was playing a lot of guitar around town and three seasons of semipro football was way too much fun.

Then I got the wonderful news that my educational loan decided to garnish my wages…. taking out 700$ a month out of my paycheck……..for the next 25 years.  Not bad for a degree I couldn’t use.

It seems every attorney I approached was a fantastic liar.  I still wonder why that’s a surprise.  They would say things to reassure me then completely do the opposite once in the courtroom.  I made less and they just pulled numbers out of their ass and said I owed it. It was a lawyer trick…tell the client what they want to hear…get you in front of the judge where they knew you wouldn’t do anything to embarrass yourself…then screw you over because they had arranged it all  ….together before you went in….then afterward share the next wonderful plan of how to fix it…..which was sure to screw you over some more……then send you a bill…

I naively thought I would attempt just once to get the child support adjusted correctly.   The attorney ASSURED me… he had NEVER lost a petition to get it lowered.  But guess what????  The day before going to court he told me …you guessed it…..it was going up!!!  Same story… claim you cant lose…go to court …fuck it up….come out and say “calm down everythings ok…I can fix this” which is EXACTLY what happened.

……that’s billable right?

Like I say…every word of this is true…..  I made 33 percent less now than when the court decided what I should pay five years ago.  It doesn’t take much brain power to realize that a chief tech position in a big Roanoke hospital pays a lot more than a staff tech in Podunk west Virginia.  Of course what I should pay is culmination of my exes income and mine.  Guess what ???  she told her attorney (with no proof) that she made 90 k/year!!!!!!!  45 dollars an hour????  Really???  Really???  Where do I sign up???

The luck department was not only out to lunch…. They had been replaced by the fuck Trey department.  Fully staffed …..fully funded. 

SIDEBAR: Ready?? Using this formula…if my wife claimed she made half a million dollars a year and I made 50 k/year…I would owe her …….every penny I make…..just 50k/year.  What a deal!

Lets see that leaves me…….nothing….zero. ….at all.

Wait a minute…. I take that back…that’s only 10 percent of the total income..... which is waaaaaayyy too low.  So let make it a more reasonable number..say 20 percent of the total…..  ok that’s sounds better.

So lets see here...lets say I made 50 k/year and she made half a mil.  I only owe…….a reasonable 100k/year …….with my 50k/year salary…….. Reasonable.

SIDEBAR 2: My attorney was a genius…….The same attorney that couldn’t do math outlined just how we would proceed when I told him that my son wanted to come live with me. It went like this:  QUOTE

“Let’s see if you can spend more time with him. Can you ask your exwife if you can spend more time with him???  We’’ll document that over the next year..…and then petition the courts”

My unspoken answer went: Where did you get your law degree?? Disneyland?? You’re a moron.  Do you want to do this before or after my wife gets papers on the issue or even THINKS that we are going to attempt to let him come live with me???  Because the SECOND she finds out she will effortlessly make a fake call and lie to the police that I threatened her life and guess what I get??? A restraining order.  You’ve heard of those??  Most attorneys I thought knew about those.  Surely I can even get some jail time with that too.  It will look great on my resume.

Hey Ive got an idea…  after I have to give the bondsman….everything I own to come up with the money to get out of jail…..I can call you for help!!!!!!!  ……. That’s billable?? Right????

 Now I want to make sure.. this will happening AFTER you get to bill me for a year’s work that is guaranteed….GUARANTEED to fail  but also insure…INSURE….that I cant get another job….EVER….AND…… cant see my son …….at all. ..AT ALL…..….right????  That’s your plan??? Really???  Really??? 

I cant imagine why I would be upset.

I’ll say it again.  If you’re an attorney I’ll be happy to meet you somewhere and beat the shit out of you.

With wonderful advice like this its easy to see why the Fuck Trey department was so successful…everyone  on board, maximum fucking.   By now it was ready to go national…an IPO offering…… Were talking Wallmart, Starbucks, Applebees ……it cant lose…brilliant!!!!! and lastly….great advice……

thanks for your help. 

 I slept in my car many nights just to make child support payments and she was always threatening to take me back to court for more……When I was living in my car.  Unfortunately the money was so bad in WV  that I couldn’t afford to go see my kids …gas prices were too high…..Then…. The water got cut off….. the heat got cut off…..The car broke down……..so I walked to work every day.

Back to the world….Jordan, who did his best, was and is wonderful fun and a great son. I would get him every few weeks ( thats all i could afford) and spend weekends on the boat…..before the car stopped working. 
I would pick him up for the weekend and my heart broke knowing my daughter was hiding so she didnt have to see me.

She had worked hard to let me know she didnt want me around and i finally gave in.  I couldnt fight anymore to try and reach her. 
It was too painful....

For my daughter:  you are a strong girl and I am proud of you! Remember the little book I gave you.  I remember you said to me that you “never listen to anything” your mom or I tell you.  You’re mom and I love you very much.  In many ways you are more than she ever was or ever could be.  I know she is proud of you too…….big smile

For my son:  “Throw the ball” really isn’t fantastic advice when your pitching baseball.  Develop your talents…..learn your weaknesses and make them strong.  You will need a lot of self endurance and dedication to get through this world.  If you don’t take time to grow your own spirit…..  you will not find happiness.  Take on tasks that may seem hard at first…and complete them…….a reward is something you earn…..you will get irreplaceable satisfaction from conquering something hard. …. and if you can’t complete a task…give it everything you’ve got. 

I aint missin you

I can lie to myself

Bring it…..bring some patience.  Hehehee.  I got plenty to share….big smile…..and im pretty tough…  This is all winding down….the present is just around the corner.  Malapit na.

The second affair, sour raisins, and the lifetime son and daughter give away sweepstakes winner

I realize this is going downhill fast….and most know where it’s probably headed.  Do I have an agenda ??  Admittedly so…but I won’t apologize for it.  Now I can’t take credit here.

You can’t always get what you want

You can’t always get what you want

You can’t always get what you want

You can’t always get what you want indeed.

Where was I? oh yeah…..I bought a boat because i wanted the kids to have good family memories that I didn’t have..  That never happened. Soon after I got the boat I was counseling at church camp for a week with my daughter which was great fun!!!!! And when I got back I discovered my wife …. You guessed it….was having another affair.  I had worked so hard to be a good husband, cleaning the house, working, loving with all my heart, fixing things myself to save money. But it was over.  I would not put up with any more cheating….but truly…it was not just a sign that the marriage was over…in was that I never had one at all. 

Something interesting happened then….. I discovered that 3 of Mary’s friends and coworkers had done the same thing…. THE SAME WEEK…. they had been planning it for years…. Sharing information about attorney’s strategies on how to spend all the money put us in debt and then…… kick the husbands out. Because they knew we would have to pay for it….  Use us then take the kids and our money. They got their husbands to set them up in new houses then kick us all out.  It was unbelievably evil.  Beyond anything Satan could have devised.  Our lives torn up …..for a buck …..and more importantly our kids were victims. They would never have that loving family home they deserved. 

 

I gave up. She won. I quit…..but the reverse of that was that I was free.  I have to admit…my heart was not sore for even one second.  I was glad it was over.

My wife celebrated the next weekend with a pool party in the pool I built for us to have memories of playing with my kids. But that wouldn’t happen.

 She had finally gotten rid of me.  Any picture of me with the kids was taken down immediately.  I’m not sure my kids ever understood she had kept all of us in the dark for so long ……because she was an expert liar…and still is.
I moved onto the boat because i had nowhere else to go. 

I was crushed because I had done all I could but the harder I tried the worse our family got.
It had been a fight before to save my family.  Unbelievably from there…. it just got worse.  My attorney told me that it was useless to fight for custody because the women always won and that I would pay him to give my kids away. I remember he laughed when he told me and I remember his exact words “Mr. Logan you are just going to pay me to give your kids away”. I could have killed him.  Remember this was MY attorney…the one I hired…...not hers.  I asked my mom to help me fight to keep the kids 50/50 and was heartbroken at her response.  She said I should let Mary raise them…..I cut her out of my life totally and immediately…we will never speak again.  Every attorney I hired to help…literally made things worse...and helped the other side…and then billed me.  It was a nightmare beyond description. 

I was lucky enough to get my Private investigators license.  Divorce had been so hard and no one had any answers …I thought it would be a good thing to help other people who were going through the same problems…having their lives turned upside down was traumatic and I would do my best to help people through it.  I even had some time on k-92 where I would find lost people…lost loves, family members, childhood friends and such and we would reunite them on the air.  It was very satisfying
I set out to do what was right and bought a duplex because i could save money for the kids, jennings however didn’t like being in the ghetto and hated being there ……and with me. It broke my heart… I had lost the fight for my marriage and now I was fighting my daughter too. 

Then my best friend in the world Chad died in a car wreck. Truly my best friend.

 

Then …..I got lucky…..I met Shanna …..the one true love of my life.  

 

I got a job at lewis gale and unlucky for me marys attorney found a way to take most of my money.  Regardless of what I did….. Everyone was eager to make things worse.  I remember the attorneys laughing together saying “he can see them on Christmas day cant he? Will that be ok??”  They laughed and smiled, enjoying the look of pain they were causing and I would just have to sit there and take it.  It was fun for them. 

 From that point on I was overpaying her in child support.  No formula was EVER used …they just made up whatever the fuck they thought I should pay and that was that. I made less every year but every time I spoke to an attorney about it they wanted to increase it.  It made no sense at all.  Every other job that I had made less money…but I never took her back to court to get the payments adjusted…because it was supposed to be for the kids…. And who knows what lies she was telling the kids. I was bitter yes…. i was upset yes... But i had every reason to be….. my family was ripped from me and i was powerless to be a good dad,  while my wife spent my money happily in the house i built for us…and the people I hired to help me….always ended up helping her.  If you’re an attorney I’ll be happy to meet you somewhere of your choosing and beat the shit out of you….dont care about charges or going to jail for it……ill be smiling the whole time.
At that point work at lewis gale had become too stressful.  As a chief tech the money was great but it was too hard to keep it going and keep the kids…I had to be on call and there were times the kids had to go with me when I got called in..even in the middle of the night.  It was too much for them and for me.  So I stepped down.  The problem was….i had worked at the only two hospitals in Roanoke…which meant I HAD to move.  I didn’t  WANT to.  There were no open positions within driving distance…none…. But I had to work..the kids had to eat..mary had to be paid. …so there was nothing I could do. I was lucky enough to get a job in Florida.  In my kids eyes…I abandoned them…which broke my heart. Florida was far..but I thought it would be great to have the kids come there.  They did come one time..and we had a blast.  I went to see them for Christmas ….and my wife served me with more papers demanding more money.  Sour raisins???  I admit it.  But with damn good reason…so I don’t want to hear any shit from anyone that i need to just let it go.because yeah I .....AM.... over it so you can save the “you need to move on…get over it” speech.  Is that what I should tell my kids about the divorce??   “”you need to get over it?”  Healing is much better…..

For my daughter: I wish I was there for you

For my son: I wish I was there for you

Bring it…….bring the healing.  Life is tough for everyone….  I know that. Sometimes sharing is really the only thing that is comforting…so if you find someone worth having….you better hold onto them…. Big smile

POSTSCRIPT: The love train is fine …..gusto kong mag isa lang…malaki ngiti
POSTSCRIPT DEUX: I think ive already written about it ...but hehehe i cant help but recall one more story...one time the ex and I were discussing women and she told me that "men like bitches" ....y...eah...we like that.....thats what i want...a bitch. hehe well...I got one....i didnt like it that much.  

3rd grade Haiku, The first affair, and the coming of scrumpalumpers!!

Every word of this is true and if anyone says otherwise they are a liar. Life is good….big smile.  I miss my kids though and hope they are treating each other well.  One day we will be able to have normal contact.  But for now that can’t be.  I hope one day they will understand.  Now I can’t take credit here.

This is the end

Beautiful friend

The last few months of school I met a girl named Mary. 

I asked someone about her six months before and they said she was dating someone….so I forgot about her.  Near the end of school they came back to me and said “said she was available..  I said “who?”  I had forgotten about her totally but asked her out anyway.  I had heard some bad things about her sleeping around….every time I saw her she was looking down….. at herself walk. She was definitely not my type.   The night we were supposed to go out I told a friend to tell her that I was too busy to go. She never got the message and showed up anyway. There were many signs we should not have been together….. I just ignored them. She fell asleep in the theater during our first date when we were watching silence of the lambs which is absolutely unbelievable and then I found out she actually cheated on her boyfriend that weekend just to be with me.  As I would find out later that was a regular theme for her…and all her friends.  Her friends were all that way too.  She ran (and still does) with a trashy crowd….birds of a feather.     

We moved to Roanoke to start a family and build a home.  Mary had gotten a job as a staff technologist at memorial and I had gotten a great job as chief technologist for a mobile operation. We lived with her parents for a few months while the house was being built. I was proud of myself because I had done many things inside the house to make it more like we wanted.  I built a rock wall by hand and our own pool.  I had skylights put in and wired it for sound. And the central vacuum I was very proud of.   Later on my neighbor Hal and I built a large screened in porch off the master bedroom……and the laundry shute…  (which she boarded up after I left). 
I tried my hand at painting……to put some art in the house…but I was no good!!  My sister got all of that talent. . 

Jennings was born and our life was fantastic.  My wife was working only three days a week had a Mercedes, a pool and a maid.  What more could you want?  Jennings will never appreciate how beautiful she was as a young child.  She was absolutely gorgeous. Such a joy..i wish I had the video…….scrumpalumpers!!!!!!!!!!!   Soon after that my wife quit her job at Carilion.  she told me it was because she did not want to work there ….the truth I found out later was that she was causing too much trouble with the male doctors by flirting with them….we had only been married a few months.. Truth is they didn't want her there because she was causing too much trouble. 

Then I got a great offer to help start another company…and I was going to be a part owner and things were great...... For about 5 months ...once i had done all the work to get them started ... They fired me and replaced me with some no name guy who could barely speak English.  No that’s not a joke.. I was stunned.  I told them they would not last 3 months..... I was happy to know they only lasted a few weeks. Stupid sucks.   I had to have a job…… and fast so i took a job that was three hours away …. it was the only one I could get. ... This meant I was only home on the weekends... I was sad but there wasn’t anything i could do. Little did I know that my wife was sneaking her boyfriend in after she put Jennings to bed while I was out of town..  That’s how I found out about the first affair.  I came home from being on the road and he was parked outside (at midnight) one night and I traced his car tags.  Sure enough when I mentioned the name to her…she knew him……he was a sales guy that she saw at work.  It got worse from there.  I got schooled ….and educated…..fast.  She was having an affair…..all her friends knew it and it was a great source of entertainment for them all (they were having affairs too). 

I noticed two things then…. my wife spent every cent I deposited and my daughter was growing apart from me. I spent nothing and every week Mary would say “we have no money.”  I found out why .... She was wasting it all. 50 dollar lunches for her friends, 300 dollar phone bills to her mom…  whatever I deposited she spent it ….down to the last penny.  I would have to borrow gas money sometimes just to get home.  Things got bad quickly.  I hadn’t realized that we were so different. When I met her she had been working in ultrasound for years ….but had nothing to show for it.  Where had all that money gone???? I was educated and she……..wasn’t.. and it was obvious.  She had gone to an xray program and then ultrasound….not college.  We could not have been more different. 
SIDEBAR: I have to put this in here.  Ready???? She has always lied and told the kids she went to college she just..........cant find her diploma.  hahahaha unbelievable.  She cant find her diploma.....Rrrriiiiiigggghhtt.  Yes mommy cant find her diploma.
back to the world.   I would eventually get my masters degree and she ….well…….had certainly …finished high school.  She eventually had to stop doing Jennings homework for her around 6^th  grade because quite frankly …she couldn’t do it.  One of my favorite jokes was that she got honorable mention in Jennings third grade haiku contest!  Hahha she didn’t even place…she got….honorable mention.  By then I had published at least ten articles in various science journals and health care magazines.  I had even designed a radioactive syringe shield and had a prototype built but sadly nothing became of it.  Yeah I was proud of who I was.  But hard working, honesty and dedication proved to be worthless in the land of the vindictive.  It just makes you a target.  I remember begging my wife for 9 years…count them…9 years…to get our daughter to sleep in her own bedroom. I was told “everyone does this…..its normal Trey” and yes you read that right…our daughter slept with us every night until we divorced.  Of course then she made her sleep in the other room so she could have guys over.

For my daughter:  I know you have bad memories of an unhappy home life when we were all together.  I’m really sorry for that.  I was fighting a battle I couldn’t win with your mom.  I know that was upsetting.  I want you to know I have never worked so hard to fix something and I don’t believe for a second that our marriage failed because I didn’t try everything humanly possible.  I did.  The agony of it all was that it affected you so badly.  I still wish the best for you and hope one day you understand.

For my son:  I remember playing Godzilla xbox buddy and throwing Frisbee and football…fishing at the boat and watching school of rock, pee wee herman, shooting your gun and doing your back flip off the poles in E dock. ..dont you forget those good times !!!

Of our elaborate plans, the end

Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I'll never look into your eyes...again

Bring it…..bring that silver lining.  It may seem small sometimes but I would rather see it and share it than lose it.

POSTSCRIPT: Justin? Erica?  Really??  hahaha  think ill wait for steak.
POSTSCRIPT DEUX: I have to record this story because otherwise ill forget it! hehehe  I remember one time STING was on saturday night live....and i said something about the police..and she said... "STING was in the police?"..my jaw dropped.  Im old now but ......there is NO way...NO way you could have been in high school in 1981 and NOT have known that sting was in the police.  You would HAVE to be a full blown moron.  Literally..thats like not knowing who the president is, who your mother was or what school you went to.  I can understand if you were from an old blind woman from zimbabwe and didnt know ....but that would be like a high school girl in chicago today not knowing who beyonce is.......really.

The river rat, the country professors, and natural selection

Every word of this is true and if anyone says otherwise they are a liar. Colllege was busy...no doubt about it.  I learned alot...and I can honestly say i am proud of that effort.I hope my kids get some of that for themselves..... mmmmm.  Now I cant take credit here.

Good times

These are the good times

Good times indeed.  From that point on I started listening to National Public Radio every day which is still a great joy.  Liz story ( who I got to meet) , Andreas Vollenweider, Brahms ,Bach, Handel … the list goes on and on.  In the student government and being vice president of Sigma phi epsilon I was lucky enough to meet many famous people. G Gordon Liddy, Ralph Nader and others. My ex-wife of course has….. no clue who any of these people are... At the end of my freshman year Mike Harris and I traveled to Atlanta to meet the US team coach for kayaking. He was impressed with my ability in the kayak having never been in one before and I bought my first boat from him.   We trained hard and took 7th at nationals in 83.  From that point on Wildwater kayaking was a real focus …. So yeah I was a river rat. I was asked to try out for the US bobsled team but declined because kayaking was too fun….sometimes we would come in first …some times in third or so.  I was invited to the pan am games but declined. I was very proud when our homecoming queen at Ferrum asked if i would be her escort.. I accepted of course.    I was very dedicated with school and carried about 3.7 GPA.   I would stay in the library until they locked me in at night every wed so i would study all night until they opened in the morning.  So I had no choice but to study all night.  I am a driven person….true that. You have to work hard to beat me or keep me down or make me give up. I also gave campus tours was an RA and even took classes in the virgin islands.  Weekends were spent studying…… all day Saturday and Saturday night and all day Sunday……….but something was missing.
I would visit my friends at UVA and Tech …sometimes Radford and knew I was missing something from my college experience. I was lucky enough to get into Harvard for the semester before I transferred to wvu. Harvard was....... Fantastic.  Truly.  The caliber of academia and even the food was …off the chart.  By this time i had also completed my EMT.  This is hard to believe too but i would get next years text books and read them a year before the class even started.  So I already knew the subject a year in advance. 

West Virginia was tough on me. I was carrying 19 credit hours and was taking very tough classes.  I got approval to take freshman medical school classes as an undergrad….which I passed with ease.  My grades were still good but I was burning out.  I was studying so hard with no diversion..I literally bought some snuff one day…out of the blue…..just to have something to do.  That…..was a mistake…or should I say stupid…..I would be hooked on it for a long time…thankfully I quit……

I came home to Roanoke for a vacation and fell in love with a Greek girl. I needed a break from school and we decided to move in together.  She was much older than me and it never quite worked out.  I was delivering dominoes pizzas then….. I couldn’t afford a place to stay so I lived in an old house my dad owned.  No heat, no electricity, no water, no lights, no furniture…I slept in a sleeping bag on the wooden floor with a little space heater for the winter..  My high school buddy Leo offered me a sound engineer’s job at impact productions.  I took the job and soon I was directing my own commercials.   We shot 230 commercials my first year. I even worked with coach beamer at Va tech to produce his coaches show every week.

Eventually I knew I had to go back to college to finish. So I returned to Ferrum to finish up …..I got talked into playing bass with my college professors …..we were called the country professors ….god that was rough. Hahaha  I know that's hard to believe too because I hate country music as much as anyone can….but it didn't take any brainpower.  Real fun came when I got the bass gig for a band called without warning (van halens fans will remember).  By then I was playing violin and guitar.  Back at Ferrum I was studying hard again and feeling good …..I dated a girl Connie who eventually became a Surgeon.  During the summer I moved to Myrtle Beach but could only find work at Shoney's……which was just enough money to survive on  …..I met Rich and we had a great time playing volleyball and drinking on the beach. I should have married his sister when I had the chance.  My sister moved in with me down there but we really did not share too much in common which was sad…..and my fault.   I really enjoyed having her there but it was obvious we were on different life courses.  Back at Ferrum I would take the most important course of my life……. natural selection. Until that point in my life I was a convicted Christian. Like most I considered my faith unshakable.  But that would change.  I got accepted to the nuclear medicine program at UVA which was a dream come true. My sister moved in with me……At this point I was 26 years old. I had never found a woman that I wanted to marry and new that I would find one at UVA. Unfortunately…the one I ended up with was never a student there…which turned out to be a mistake.  At this point I was a master in school and knew that I would not even crack a book when it came to studying. I vowed to get through it and was successful even though I did not study hard and I was even class president.  I had spent so much time studying that school became a breeze.  I spent my free time reading physics books about relativity, god particles, evolution, dark matter, quantum theory… so yeah I had a real passion for my discipline…..and still do.  My education was very rewarding.  Not many people can say that.  I remember reading a fat medical dictionary from A to Z when I was in Puerto Rico.  (a great trip…I saw leather back turtles lay their eggs in the middle of the night). 

For my daughter:  College days were fun for me even though I studied way too much……and I am proud of you for taking on such hard subjects.  Don’t burn out if you can….pace yourself….you can do it.

For my son:  Be careful what you get talked into.  Don’t give in to pressure from others too easily.  Don’t be afraid to say no….real friends are hard to find so choose well. 

Good times

Leave your cares behind

Bring it……. Bring that path of personal success.  Times are not easy on people.  you have to feel good when you look in the mirror….even though many things did not turn out for the best.    When I think about being divorced…I mean free… I sleep good at night…..its when I think about my kids that I don’t. For those things that didn’t go my way.  I can honestly say I tried….   Fear of failure is not an option….but it does take two to tango.

The death fart, pitching quarters, and the mini kings dominion.

Every word of this is true, and if anyone says otherwise they are a liar. I left off with almost surviving junior high and being demoted to….freshmen in high school…or thereabouts. I was glad to be able to reach out recently to my daughter and son….even if only in a message to let them know I miss them.  Now I can’t take credit here.

The best is yet to come

And babe wont it be fine

The best is yet to come indeed. How can you top old blue eyes?  Man ……..he truly was….. the shit.

It was now time for high school.  In the summer months I would walk myself to school and walk back.  The spring and fall air was so great back then and the walk home would be slow and peaceful….stopping to play with dogs and whatever diversions I could find.   But during the winter months I would ride with my dad at seven in the morning.   We had to be ready to leave the house at seven. Which meant I had to be up at 6:30 even though class didn’t start until 9:05.  Our morning ritual was a nightmare ….my dad would wake up at 6:15 and take a shit that would make you vomit …..it stunk up every single inch of the whole house …..every single day. On top of that he would smoke cigarettes while he was taking a shit. It was like he farted in your face and then blew smoke in it at the same time.  You didn't need an alarm clock …..you woke up Coughing and gagging from the death fart.. My mom always made cinnamon toast which was very nice.  I would grab it and run outside to breathe. Truthfully I never understood until later why my mom woke my sister and I up differently.  I would hear her gently sit on my sister’s bed and say her name softly a few times.  When she was up my mom would bang on my door and yell “GET UP!!!!!!!” and walk off. I would get to school even before the doors were open…and when the janitor unlocked school I was the only person there.  I always wondered why we had to leave so early.  Years later my dad told me it was because he would go to work early…start the coffee then leave for several hoursand go have breakfast.….so the other employees would think he had been in early and was already hard at work… wonderful idea dad.  I mean …great lie dad….thanks for that bit of info. 

 In Junior high we would pitch quarters up against the wall….the closest pitch would win all the other quarters…when we ran out of quarters it dimes and nickels eventually…… pennies. ….it was only change but so much fun!!!!

I remember running the 50 yard dash with Dennis Dean..he was the 6 foot star of the basketball team…we tied at 5.0 sec……not the 40 yard….50!!!!  Not bad.  But in the 600 meter….i sucked. haha
I was lucky enough to have many sweet girls as girlfriends most of them I met at camp.  High school was a brand-new world.  I was no longer king of the hill but that didn't matter I was happy to be who I was.  Freshman year we would go to bonfire parties and hang out….girls bodies started to change….which made me wiggle…..and I never did any drugs.  I was always proud of that even to this day… I never smoked a single cigarette ever but I did every once in a while sneak a little bit of liquor from my dad's cabinet.  My freshman year I started wrestling. I was instantly a success and did it for many years with great satisfaction.  Senior year I was team captain but didn’t finish the season because I realized my grades had suffered long enough and I needed to get into college…..high school was too much fun…for nearly too long. I can't express how much fun my high school years were.  I was happy, busy, with many friends and many exciting things to do …the class of 1982 was very close….

When I was around15 something different happened to me musically. The radio was no longer …as good as it  had been….  It was boring and predictable. Sure there were cool songs, Reo speedwagon, foreigner, ac/dc…but I was getting a hunger for more than that.   I had just started playing bass and I found that the songs on the radio were too easy to play.  To put it bluntly pop music sucked..  I started listening to King Crimson, Bruford, Jeff Beck, Kazume watanabe, jean luc ponty, and the Dixie dregs.  This was real music far and above anything I was listening to before.  I would never look back…. country music was shit, pop music was shit, progressive Jazz was cool….. . And of course Led Zeppelin.  Eventually that changed too …..classical music  eventually took over…thanks to NPR.. 

I worked as a dishwasher at howard johnsons.  Right across from Lews…its gone now.    I would get out of school and rush there to bus tables and wash like a madman….  The dinner rush was a killer and I was soaked with sweat and food…..hehe.  Friday nights we would go see the rocky horror picture show (which I urge my kids to see in a theater)…and get drunk.  (which I don’t urge my kids to do)   There was a bar upstairs in crossroads mall called the Catawba emporium and they never carded anyone so we would go there and drink for hours and listen to bands….and then go down the hall and play video games in the arcade…  no xbox back then.  Summers we would go to lakeside amusement park (again I urge my kids to go online and find pictures) which was like a mini kings dominion.  We would get 5 dollars and stay all day and night.  Riding the roller coaster and eating popcorn or cotton candy for lunch and playing arcade games for hours. 

I was never able to afford a car so I borrowed my parents.  Which was good of them.  Later on my dad would buy me the cheapest cars he could find to ensure that I never got a date.  ( a datsun b210) If it cost more than 500 bucks it was not going home with us.   I should have been more thankful…but I was embarrassed beyond belief.  Most of my high school summers were spent being a lifeguard which I took very serious.  Once or twice I rushed in and truly did some good. Real suntan oil was too expensive…so I used motor oil.  I also worked on the electrical crew at the Roanoke Civic Center…. it was amazing to set up the stages and the rigging.  To put up lights and sound systems and be back stage just to get close to my idols was real magic for a boy.  I would spend hours in the record exchange looking at rare albums and listening to music and talking to other folks about bands and who I was playing with. .  My junior year I got a job at Howard Johnson's washing dishes.  I didn't mind the long hours because it helped pay for albums , drums, gas and ,,,,, beer.  My friends Chad and Joel would play a bigger role as time went on.  Senior year was a blast I was crowned snow king at our Christmas dance.  I had dated many girls but none was more influential than Valerie Patton.    We had gone tubing at Goshen Pass in Lexington the summer before as a crowd and senior year I asked her to go to the prom and she said yes. From then on I was hooked …..she was my high school sweetheart.  Beautiful and smart I was lucky to have her. My senior year something changed in me. I realized I would have to make something of myself and go to college.  I had been offered a contract to play with a traveling band…but knew that my future needed something more than sex drugs and rock and rool.   As captain of the wrestling team I knew I had to quit so I could focus on studying hard.   I was lucky enough to get into Ferrum College with bad grades….. Valerie went to Virginia Tech. Three weeks into my freshman year of college she dumped me and got engaged ….within a month… to the son of a jewelry store owner….which made me……not very happy. haha   But they never got married.  I have to confess I was crushed. From that point on my college life was filled with studying…. and I mean studying.   I had wasted enough of my academic life and it was time to turn the tide.  

For my daughter:  I sure hope everyone is treating you well.  You have been through a lot.  If you ever need inspiration …read the book I gave you…..pull from within and trust yourself.    I believe in you very much.

For my son:   the next few years are going to be fun…enjoy them.  But be careful….. you have a long road ahead and you don’t want to ruin things early by making bad decisions.   I trust you too.

The best is yet to come

Come the day you’re mine

Bring it ……… bring those old memories…good and bad.  Its ok.  I survived.  …….and you will too….big smile.

The slow skate, Van Halen bliss, and star wars mania

Every word of this is true and if anyone else says otherwise they are a liar. Right now that statement has little meaning without a reference.  The reason for such a disclosure isn’t apparent……but in a few years…I mean blogs…it will be clear.  Now I can’t take credit here.

My dad finally had a stable job and he decided to move everything back to Roanoke where his family was.  This was great I got to see all my old friends because we moved back into the same house we lived in before.   I was so lucky….  To see all my old friends again..it was great!Around 1976 to about 1979… many things happened .  My life changed quite a bit which is no surprise…… First I must say that Church camp had always been an important part of my life and I had gone for many years but now it took on a new meaning. I was spending more time with friends that went to church and and camp and that really gave me backbone.  I was eventually lucky enough to go to Puerto rico to help victims of hurricane hugo with a church group.  The lessons I learned there stay with me and it was guidance I needed and close friendships that were not out in the real world…… or at home.  And secondly I discovered music when I was in seventh grade. I can't express how important this was in my life. Ted Nugent, Foghat, and of course Van Halen blew everything away. My son understands ...atomic punk...on fire....light up the sky......good god.

Camp Bethel gave me direction and course and I was happy with who I was  and knew I would be a moral man. The direction I needed was something I did not get it home and so I was glad to have it and embraced it.
That is also the year that Star Wars hit the theater.  I can't express how exciting this was to go to a theater and see the movie on the big screen .. In fact when the movie came we would all get together and try to find out ways we could get to the theater to watch it ……we would watch it once, twice, even three times in a day.. ..sneaking back in….. Our parents would drop us off at 12 o'clock and we would watch the movie three times in a row and they would pick us up late that night. This went on for months. The movie had such a positive message and it was such great fun to watch on the big screen.  Back then there were only 2 movie theaters.  One at crossroads mall and one at towers mall (both of which are gone now).
Summer days we would spend climbing tinker mountain and spray painting our names on hay rock.  A few of us would go without asking parents of course and be gone all day.  A back pack with poptarts, cheese crackers and a jug of coolaid to split 3 ways.  Looking down on lord Botetourt high school from the mountain top and carvins cove on the other side…eagles swirling on the wind below…it was satisfying as a boy to make the trip. 

 I would spend lots of time at the roller skating rink on Herschberger Rd …the disco lights and loud music really made a Saturday afternoon in the winter.  Skating slow and holding hands with girls.   I have to admit at this point in time my physical prowess was impressive.  I could skate better, run faster,  jump higher play harder than anybody.. Kids three or four years old me were nothing…. I could wipe them clean.  At that point I joined the swimming team at Tinkerview pool…and we would train indoors at hotel Roanoke….all winter… Before I was done with the swim team I must of had at least 100 Ribbons ….first places …second places …third-place and always on the podium.  It reminds me of my daughter and gymnastics.  At 15 I was in the championships for tennis at the club.   I even went to Canada to go skiing!!!  Man that was great!  I even got to use some French!

For all my running around I was still very much determined to be a good person, a good boy, a good man. Some Saturdays we would go to Copperfields  (which is gone now) and dance like the adults do.  Haha. Only teenagers were allowed in and we would dance with the disco lights going and the music real loud…  Michael Jackson, Rod stewart, heatwave.   I always won the dance contests when I went there and that was such a great feeling to have everybody watch you and to know that you entertained them.   I have always been comfortable speaking in public or on stage.  I set the bar high for myself and yes I did have a temper every once in a while when I did not meet my own expectations.  I never liked disappointing myself.  School was still a struggle for me as I did not care about Isosceles triangles.  In eighth grade my flag football team was in the championships for the school and we crushed the opposition…. I was unstoppable and proud. Baseball was ok but I was not as good a player as my son is….I miss seeing him.  Youre great buddy!!  Even in basketball …much better than I was.

That’s when I started developing many close friendships.. Jody Emick's dad was a judge, Jack Frailin's dad was a doctor, Joel wood's dad was a psychologist,  and Johnny Frailin's dad was an architect.  It became clear that I was the kid from the other side of the tracks as I said..   their houses were bigger and nicer and it was obvious that they came from money….. and I didn't.  I have to say that never bothered me..it was just a fact..i was rough around the edges.  Rather I was proud of bootstrapping my life. 

Those were the three big influences on my life at that point …Church camp, music and the movie Star Wars. Going to camp bethel every summer really shaped me it gave me a lot of background morals that I did not get it home.  It was a very powerful place full of very kind sweet people and lots of fun.  So yes the church shaped me in many ways. 

 In sixth grade I would go to crossroads Mall and would look at the stereos for hours and hours just dreaming of having one.  I saved up all my money and bought the biggest one that I could.  I would place the speakers 2 feet apart facing each other and I would sit between them and crank up the volume until my head would vibrate.  If it wasn’t loud…it sucked.  The parents made me buy headphones.  Hehehe.  I can't express how important this time was for me….. to discover music as such a powerful thing in my life.  Aerosmith, bad company, Boston, styx, rush, yes….. In seventh grade I went to Jack Frailin's house and his brother had a drum set. He couldn’t play it and I spent every dime I had just to buy it from him.  I never had a lesson but within one year I kid you not I was as good a drummer as anything you could hear on the radio. Truthfully I was fantastic…. I could play any song.  Period…. I was very proud of that ….at such a young age with no lessons I seemed to know how to play automatically.  My parents however never acknowledged that. I never heard them say once that they were proud of me or that I did a good job or that it was amazing that I could play so well. They just didn't give a shit.  My mom would just walk in and yell stop when she got home.  Waving her arms with a disgusted look on her face. It was disappointing…but not surprising.

When my mom got upset she would spank me with this big wooden spoon.  But one day I remember clearly all that changed…I was getting bigger.  I believe I was about 14 and had said something that my mom obviously didn’t like.  She raced to the kitchen drawer and whipped out the spoon and starting running toward me.  When she got close to me I remember cocking my arm back ….planting my feet and rotating my shoulders…..my fists as hard as rocks.  She stopped dead in her tracks….the spoon high in the air…and shock on her face.  I was …..not playing…one more step and I would have knocked her unconscious. 

Oh yeah…I forgot to  mention…… I had Judo lessons……….they paid off.

We had not been close but that was surely a turning point for both of us.  I remember years later my mom screaming at my dad “either he goes …….or I go!!!!”   Did I mention there wasn’t much love in the house?  Hehehe

For my daughter:  I will always regret that you never got to see your mother and I happy together.  I truly tried..with everything I had….for many years…the truth is…your mother never tried….at all……to make our relationship work….not once…..ever.  The bad times you remember when you were young was frustration from me after years of exhaustion of trying to reach your mother….and failing.

For my son:  You were a rock buddy…you did so well during that period that was hard on our family.  I’m sorry for you too.  You have been through a lot. 

Bring it………bring the truth..its coming….mistakes and apologies too. 

POSTSCRIPT:  Incidentally the exgf gets some applause….  She texted that she made a mistake and would do anything to fix it.  With the quote “please take me back”.  …..several times…which was sweet but Ive been through it before….. wo its best just to let it go.  

The paper route, out after dark and painting from a rope.

Every word of this is true and if anyone else says otherwise they are a liar. Still happy in ma skin. Just getting started with explaining some premarital history for my kids who never got to hear about their dads past.  There is much still to tell and this is just backdrop….for the moment.

Now I cant take credit here.

I want to fly like an eagle

To the sea

Fly like an eagle

Let my spirits carry me

Fly like an eagle indeed.  When I was in fifth grade ..around 1975…my parents told me we were moving to Chatham... It was a very difficult time but I knew things would be okay…. I would have to give up my friends but I knew that I would make it and this was a new adventure..I still remember moving everything into a u haul van for the long slow trip.   My dad had gotten a job as a food broker and we needed to move closer to where he worked because he was traveling two hours to work every day and 2 hours back... I have to say that my time in Chatham was amazing.  I really enjoyed myself and there was much to see and do.  It was a small town with a main street courthouse and hotdogs for 35 cents in the trolley car diner.  Gum was still a penny. Only two sodas…coke or pepsi…diet sodas hadn’t been invented yet!   I urge my kids to go there just to see where I grew up.  On the radio was David Bowies song fame, Elton John, and the Doobie brothers…. And oh ….yeah…music was starting to peak my interest.

I was still raising myself but there was a lot to do in such a new place so I was always busy. We moved into this very big old house right in front of hargrave military academy and I had a very huge bedroom, big wooden staircase, tall ceilings and floors that creaked with every step.  The town was very quaint and small and I soon got a paper route.  The town was predominantly black in nature but on main street lots of little shops and I rode my bike every day on my paper route all through town..  I would get home from school grab my bike and ride down to the courthouse where I would load up with papers to travel all around town getting home after dark and after dinner…. It took about three hours to do every single day ……rain or shine, cold or hot. Sick or not.  Sunday morning I would have to be up before 6 and it would take all morning to deliver all the papers in town because they were heavy and my route was bigger..  My mom got a job at the local private girls school and I was home by myself when she was not there.  On weekends I would go to Chatham Hall the local private girls school and ride horses as I had riding lessons and that was a lot of fun…. I watched just a little bit of television…and by then I was losing interest in television anyway. Especially because I got my first real girlfriend kiss…. Hahaha Julie sanders.  The military academy principles daughter no less.  ( hey ..I aimed high.)  We did everything together ..much to her dads disappointment. 

Being on my own I developed certain kinds of hobbies that were lots of fun ….. I used my money from the paper route and bought a CB radio and then I got a chemistry set, an electric science set, a train set, model rockets and then I would buy comic books at this little gas station where I could play pinball.  During the summer I would go up to this little creek to catch tadpoles and crawdads. I would spend the whole day there making dams in the stream.  My parents never seemed concerned about what I was doing or where I was and I would show up frequently past dark …way past dinner. Sometimes I would stay out till 10 or 11 o'clock at night with no supervision at all. But no one would ask where I was or what I was doing.  Truth is they didn’t give a shit.  That summer Jody Emick and I would go to tennis camp and my cousin Steven would come down and we would play together. I looked up to him as the big brother I never had. By this time I had started building models of spaceships from Star Trek or cars, battleships or planes.  It doesn’t sound exciting but for me it was.  There were few children to play with so my time was spent tearing things apart to see how they worked..or building something.  It was very satisfying and a great way to learn about things. 
I was never told until years later but at this time something very bad happened to my sister.   she was …taken advantage of….by a guy that lived down the street.  I don't even think my parents knew at the time.. But the bottom line was that my mom was not careful enough to let my sister go down to where he lived…and he had FIVE brothers…. .. I do blame myself for not being more attentive to her …it was not her fault…. but I do blame my mother for being not smart enough to realize she should not have let my sister go there. 

I was able to do things physically the other kids could not.   I could jump higher, run faster, and longer than anyone else.   I was very proud of my abilities...and still am.   I was always first picked when it came to football.  Always.  I could …and did ….run for a touchdown no matter how many people were trying to tackle me ……every single time.  …. I was unstoppable physically….even with kids 3 and four years older than me.  Even better….bring em on.  One play….kick off..…touchdown.  It was great to play running back again in semipro as an adult…fantasy come true. 

I built my own pinewood derby car (dad didn’t help at all) and came in second at the championships….I don’t think my dad even went.

One time I remember my dad tied a rope around my waist and lowered me off the roof with a can of paint and a brush because it was too high for the ladder to reach from the ground.  So I painted the outside of our houses third floor….suspended in mid air.

We were there are only two years when my parents decided it was time to move back to Botetourt county..

For my daughter:  to watch you in gymnastics was …amazing.  It was so much fun to take you to practice and watch.  I was too proud to leave.  I will never understood why your mother would take you and drop you off then come back when it was over to pick you up.  

For my son: You are the king big stuff.  The crackshot with a bb gun.  Fweeeepss……..ster!!!!!!!!!!  Miss bein on the boat with you!!!!  Playing grand theft auto and watching led zeppelin…..  big smile

Fly to the revolution

Bring it……that epiphany….that catharsis….that shakabuku…..hehehe  I miss seein my kids.  But more importantly I know they miss having a dad they could count on.  I know how they feel.