Preseason, a deadliest catch, and the storm chaser

Yeah dude….things ….arent always fun. Yes I am a soooooper genius. Small smile. Its easy to get a bit dejected when it seems like things take twice as long, cost twice as much, and last half as long as you were hopin for. Ya know? ya know? hang tough…im there with ya.

Ima sorry for that…..things just don’t go according to plan. If I had my way you would be close to me….your head on my chest. Some things are just ……the perfect fix…..Yes? I want to be that man that makes you feel good when things aren’t exactly rosy. Now I cant take credit here.


All our times have come
Here, but now theyre, gone

Don’t fear the reaper indeed. Been struggling with some sour luck lately but that doesn’t make me any different than others I know….small smile. A bit a hardship trains character so Im on board for a lesson or two that bends my will……..but as I see it there is light at the end of the tunnel. Bending is just …….part of the trip.

My salt as a man only seasons when the choices I make are on point …..when things aren’t the best. I rather enjoy (when it happens) NOT weighing life as good or bad as things happen …..but how I choose …… THATS what brings meaning. This is going to sound odd so bear with me…Im not saying I totally swallow the idea but sometimes changing the way I think makes things better…..so here tis…

..In life there it isn’t always a question of “good or bad”…..there are only choices. : puppy head tilt: I love the line in the movie the matrix where Neo says everything begins with choice. The response? “Wrong. Choice is an illusion created by those with power for those without.” Hehe what a Gordian knot we weave when at first we try to ….just make a mobius strip. In the movie seven, Morgan Freeman says “I know I made the right choice…but not a day goes by that I don’t wish I had made a different one”. Haha…..wait………what?

Trey ……..please…just get back to something that makes sense….

Where was I?

Oh yeah…..

Doing something kind with no expectation of reward is……..a choice…… One I Like. A man worth your hand should be no less. Big smile….and I got a chance to do so the other day and it was…….nice. Ah need to be doin that …….more often.

I know there are plenty o things that steal your attention away from what brings happiness. Bills, stress, work, traffic….and bills…… all conspire as a storm to keep your world so topsy turrvy that ……love really doesn’t have a chance ….unless the right person comes along and makes that world ……something you cant get anywhere else. Safe secure, soothing………calm .

So……… the impending storm doesn’t scare me….even if I don’t always perform like I want. But ….I do want to see the look in your eyes that’s says you SEE that in me cause I work hard for it….and to see a smile. When that storm hits I want you to hold on to me. Not shut me out.

I cant say Im easily understood…….or that im a pushover……yeah dude…its not called deadliest catch cause your lounging on the beach with a pole in the sand and a cold corona. Although ……….that does sound like a plan!

The best love is……..effortless

The best relationship ……..takes work.

So dealing with some unpleasantness is worth it if I get to bring out the best in my lover.
But be patient I don’t always get it.

Last year my lower body routine didn’t let me down....but looking back I know this year what to change. Too much a this and not enough o that…….training? PASS. Just …..not yet. Ah need a few more months…..Hehehe

So yeah ….Ah gotsta man up some more and push through cause this years looking better than ever! Even though I HATE this period of strength training….HATE IT I SAY!!! But just like Ive been saying, putting my head in the sand is no plan……that wouldn’t do well on the field …..or in your heart.
So yeah…..no choice…. I have to bring my A game…….. and so do you. The love train stops……right……there.

Come on baby
Don't fear the reaper
Baby take my hand
Don't fear the reaper
We'll be able to fly
Don't fear the reaper
Baby I'm your man

Bring it…………bring the light at the end of the tunnel. If you cant bring that…… take my hand and we’ll get there together.

The Knight, a new team, and frontside protection

Oh dude…..the self abuse director is …..IN. Ah needs me a few mo weeks a trainin to get ma football legs agoin. It’s the off season and I should be workin my upper body harder but I ran into a coach for another team the other day and he invited me to come down to practice. I happen to know the assistant coach from my days at the bruins. He congratulated me on my bench press record and told me about a few of my old teammates that got AFL contracts…… cool………yeah dude. That means I get to start training ….earlier than I want. Now I can’t take credit here.

There's a line, I can't cross over. It's no good for me and it's no good for you.
You say we've been like strangers, but I'm not the others you can wrap 'round your fingers……..
And I've given you my all, there's no more to borrow.

Get closer indeed. My workouts are much more result oriented these days….strength training is first. Then the agility and speed programs. Horse first ……then lash up the cart. Agility is nothing without strength first.

Our quarter back is getting a facefull of linebackers …….AND the D line. All day. Its NOT pretty. O line is folding and the running backs are ….NOT taking care of business. Finally…… Im in.. I plan to ….excuse me……WILL….. take out ANYBODY that even THINKS they are coming through. I hear the play call “pro right ……motion ….Liz…out…… wing bubble…….first number…..first number……..BREAK!

Im front side protection. …….Bring it.

I scan my targets…….The outside linebacker backs up to cover the flats …….and the defensive end is ………coming.

Or so he thinks.

I bite down on my mouthpiece and my legs tighten. My head is straight ahead ……but my eyes ………..are locked……… to the right.

The cadence…….. comes slowly…….from far away.

B…L….U….E…….


T….W…E…N…N…Y…..O….N…E

I …….have………… no fear.

None

He comes at me straight. This ……..is a mistake. I jam……. to meet him….. head on……..and his body ….jacks up in the air ……off to the right…..in slow motion.

I ignore him……. turn my back and …….head back to the huddle. Job done.

The rest of the game……. Defensive tight ends go flying. No one gets by……..Not once.

It’s a good day to be strong.

Strength is a good thing. I think people want to be strong (yes …Trey Logan you are a sooooper genius) and in the process of building that up…they find it doesn’t turn out the way they expected……. Working hard to be strong can mistakenly make people ……..hard.

Fan……..tastic

Nobody strives to be weak. So that same instinct you use to keep from getting hurt also makes you unavailable, isolated, and scared of losing your heart. Love? FAIL.

I know this all sounds like a dose of common sense. On one hand having some self preserving protection in place is a good thing but….. you take that TOO far and that….does nothing for a fairytale of romance and knights in shining armor. I mean ……when the knight shows up and you start explaining that ………..you don’t trust people because of your past….…and that you don’t want to bring him into your kids lives cause he might leave and …your really independent……..you don’t let people in….

Hes liable to ride off ……..…without you.

I like being strong. But not at the expense of keeping you at a distance. What good would that do?

Hehe…I realize that’s not the easisest thing to change. Its hard to let your guard down. I have some friends that tell me lately Im bein too picky.

Im not hard to please.

Just hard to impress.

I mean you DO want to feel safe and secure with my arms around you dont you?

If I am to be the only man that you trust to hold you down …..with just the right amount of slow…..increasing pressure….holding it…..just right…..so when you grind ……..you go .....boom…..in waves. Then you better be someone who is strong…but bendable…….strong…but giving…..strong ….but....open….strong ….but……...weak with need and desire.

Darlin' if you want me to be closer to you, get closer to me.
Darlin' if you want me to love, love only you, then love only me.
Darlin' if you want me to see, see only you, then see only me.

Bring it……..bring that comfort that satisfies like only love can. Being strong isn’t being made of stone. The love train only makes stops on the mainland. If you’re an island then you best start paddling if you plan to get a ticket.

Super balls, pearls on a pig, and emotional circus freaks

Gunna apologize right up front. You never know what the future holds….so I gotsta say Im kinda disappointed in masef for makin this blog a bit uglier than I expected. I don’t normally have bad things to say but apparently turning the corner on this purging process is rather ..….slow. But im doing my best to divorce maself from what I have discovered is a plethora of punkees in my midst. So I appreciate your patience in advance for listening to a broken record ….. cuz some of these folks just refuse to die. Now I cant take credit here.

I see you crying in the sunshine
I hear you laughing in the rain
You say you can't tell any difference
Between the pleasure and the pain

Desperate people indeed. Well….maybe just lost or misguided. Hehehe

The girl that unkindly offered to give me a $20, five mile ride called and wanted to know if I would cash a $200 check for her that would be good in two weeks. Then she corrected herself and said it would be good on the second of next month…then she said it would be good in two days. Mysteriously, our cell phone convo got dropped during the discussion and I didn’t answer any more of her calls.

One word………Balls

Got 2 emails from “Mailney”. The girl that was defriended on facebook for attempting to restart a new decade of punking. She wanted to know if I had left facebook and for me to contact her (imagine that) because she had some “stupid questions that needed ANSWERS.” No I’m not joking. Im undecided whether to seriously lay it out there or just ignore her. As in… “You were defriended and blocked from facebook because I dont consider contact with you to be honest or rewarding at all. P.S. Give your husband my condolences and ask HIM the stupid questions.”

I sent Tiny a heartfelt email expressing that I thought she was a fantastic girl and I was looking for a PARTNER. I was exhausted from months of lip service about wanting to see me…then ignoring my attempts to contact her. …that she wasn’t ready for a real relationship and that I wasn’t going to feed her ego anymore in the meantime. Four days later I get a generic 2 line email asking how was I doing and when was I taking her out for drinks. It wasn’t anything personal or special. Three days later I got a facebook message asking me to please come back home.

More balls…..

Im done wasting my time putting pearls on a pig so I responded in a tone that got a predictable response…….Nothing. Obviously shes angry I don’t want to “play along” with getting punked anymore.

The same thing happened with round 7. I sent a very heartfelt email about how I was hoping she could let those walls down..

“When I look in your eyes I know your trapped and I want so badly for you to see that keeping that door closed isnt security…..…it’s a prison. Once you come outside to be with me you wont ever want to go back in there ………..ever. ……And that’s where I want you to be…….with me…………..Im asking you……….. come with me.

I know you……..your not afraid of being hurt. You have these walls up to make sure that cant happen. What your afraid of is being in love.

……... I don’t want to break down a wall that you can build back up ….whenever you feel like it. I want you to fall in love with me…….. where there are no walls. You wont need them …….ever again…… “

Five days later I got back …….

“So what do you like to do with your spare time?”

Super Balls

I got game but this is more like a circus for emotional freaks. I just ……….DON’T have the ill will in me to punk back without remorse for being a jerk. Besides these girls are seasoned professionals. My attempt to punk back would be something like

You……..your……….hair…its….so……um….youre having a bad hair day …..so there…..ha!

Ive always said NO relationship is preferable to a BAD one. A bad relationship can be changed…....abuse cannot. What can I say?....I’m learning. Albeit slow. But……..

I was even punked by someone who called and said they could hire me …..if I would go get them some contracts!!!

Lemme say that again…

Go get us some contracts and then we can hire you.

Ball………less

Beyond this point I promise to end this rash of blogging nastiness.

I played guitar out twice this week……and had a fantastic time. I had forgotten how fun playing for a crowd is. I knew every request which is always gratifying ……yeah dude. People dancing and singing along. It’s a good feeling to know people like hearing you play. No lip service there. Hehehe……free beer doesn’t hurt either! Getting some repeat folks showin up sayin they come just to hear me…… big smile. Played some stuff not usually requested……Cat Stevens…..King of the road…….Rawhide……..After I finished three hours worth the bar owner picked his axe up and I sat at the drum kit and a few others joined in. Stray cats…....Zeppelin…….wild thing…….The free booze and backslaps keepa comin….. I looked up and ……it was midnight. Really?? I gotsta get home!

Been thinking ALOT about football. Third season comin up and I know my contract will get picked up again so Im happy about that. I’ve had some good time off and I’ve finally gotten off that extra football weight……which is great….until I have to put it back on in preseason. I had a few injuries first season but last year I………..was golden. Watching the NFL this year has really made me hungry to play again. But Im glad for some time off……lower body training though is still ….unpleasant and I gotsta man up dawg. I flirted with uppin my swat weight and changed my treadmill routine and yeah……ahm a sore pup. Now I just gotta hope I don’t break my neck! Special teams was great last year…Wish I had the film!!!!!!! ..but there is some talent on the team so Im thinking of …..dare I way it…..moving to outside linebacker.

You say you never ever dream at night time
You say you only dream when you're awake
And say that T.V. looks like your life
And the life you lead is fake

Bring it………bring an end to my bad blogging! Maybe I need to go on break again till all this silliness is gone!!

Paper thin love, The Re-eval, And the Never Never text

Ah gots ta tell ya…had some strange convos lately….yeah dude…..Now…I know that Im not always going to be right and I sure like it when I find myself in a position to reevaluate something and change ma ways if ahm not zackly doin it the way I should or want. If I plan to master my future then I cant be a slave to my past. Even the past it seems can be ……..reevaluated. Some things are easy……others? Well….sometimes it takes a while for the crystal ball to cough up the answer.. Yes Trey Logan you………are a sooooper genius. Now I cant take credit here.

Try to see it my way,
Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?
While you see it your way,
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.

We can work it out indeed. I do love the idea that some people are listening and others are…….just waiting to talk. I remember a heated discussion with my ex ( I was TRYING to have a discussion about how to save our marriage and she …..cleaned house…while I talked to myself) and at the conclusion I was told “if that’s the way you see it then I don’t WANT to see your side”.

Fan…….tastic

Fewer things are worse than having a one sided discussion. Its bad enough to find out your talking to yourself. Its worse to discover that you’re the only one in the relationship…..and no amount of effort will fix things because your partner is emotionally crippled behind a wall that you cant get down. I like getting that wall down. Better still…..I like it when you take that wall down for me. That feeling of connection is something you cant get anywhere else, but if YOU cant let that wall down and …..I cant get it down……..well…. please have the courtesy to stay the hell away from me.
If you make yourself unavailable the result is……wait for it….…..you’re unavailable. Good plan? FAIL.
Think about it. If you’re running in the opposite direction…..how in the world do you expect to receive my affection? How are you going to feel that comfort you crave? How do you expect to feel safe and secure in my arms……….if you’re running away?

In the last year I’ve heard two separate dates tell me.
“I just want to be happy”
and
“Just once I want to wake up and be happy”
In my book that’s code for “I have no clue what happiness is or how it feels”
My response?
“Boy…… I sure have an early day tomorrow.”
Paper thin love isn’t on the list. Building love you can trust will always be there takes understanding yourself as well as your partner, a dose of selflessness and an ability to get through the rough times.
Reevaluating some past relationships….. I have discovered that I may have glamorized relationships that didn’t deserve it and underappreciated some that got the short end of the stick. If you cant say your sorry …there wasnt much of a relationship there anyway. Nothing lost….so no regrets! Sometimes it takes a while to see things clearly. I recently had the chance to make good one that never got full closure. We had some email exchanges and turns out shes doing well…her kids are almost grown and she just got a promotion…Im glad shes fine and wish her all the best. She will find someone just perfect for her I have NO doubt…...small smile.
I had a friend recently scold another for being too available. “When he calls don’t answer….call him back later and tell him you were busy…….dont be so available”.
I had another girl ask when she should text a guy back after they went out to dinner. The friends answer? “Never…...he should pursue her.”

Never? Ever?......... as in…not at all never?

And you want to know where all the good men are?

Ill tell you where they are.
Theyre out on a date with the girl who answered the phone.
Theyre out on a date with the girl who texted after dinner that she hoped they could get together again.
Theyre out on a date with the girl who let him know that wall is down and she likes him.

When its effortless its just…….the best. If the plan is

Step one: see which one jumps up and down and waves his arms the most to get your attention.

Step two: Ignore him and run in the opposite direction to see if how far he is willing to follow…..looking like a possessed electrocuted chicken

Step three: See if he can break down this unbreakable wall that you don’t EVER plan on letting down.

Step four: finally…mmmmm..…love

Well …that was EASY! Thats all there is to it?? WOW!

Not so fast…..no I think that’s a mistake.…..yes wait ……just a second ….Im sure ….its ……its.….Step four: schedule another unsuccessful girls nite out so you can try this harebrained routine again. Like I said……. keep the HELL away from me.

life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we may fall apart before too long.

Bring it…….bring a plan to fall in love that doesn’t involve being unavailable, hard to get and impossible to get close to. The love train stops so you can get on. It doesn’t chase you down, knock you over the head and drag you on board. The good memories come from having that wall down so keep your heart open. Then I can kiss your neck and hold your wrists and make you say “have me”. If you cant do that …well…you never had me anyway…...hehehe then I guess I ‘ll have to settle for …small smile…..watching you run the other way. Hehe ……OK….OK…..I got it!.....I got it!...we werent supposed to be together…..You win! You win! Hehehe.

love ready mix, selfishness, and baggin a bear

Yeah dude ……glad to end ma label as punkee……the punkometer is ON and workin. fo sho. Testing testing…..1…2….3…….Yep itsa woikin…….asked a girl I know to give me a 5 mile ride while my car was in the shop……..even offered to put some gas in….she said……. “Could you put in $20?”…..I declined the ride …. …menu…..contacts…..erase. small smile……big satisfaction. Gonna put this blog here as well as on ma other blog cause it kinda fits…. K? Now I can’t take credit here.




Spend my days with a woman unkind
Smoked my stuff and drank all my wine
Made up my mind, make a new start
Goin' to California with an achin' in my heart



Led Zepplin indeed. I guess these things just don’t always go as planned. Yeah dude. My car is messed up and Im ….well….Im walkin……to work….to the gym….to the store……....in the rain. I borrowed a coworkers bike but after one ride my butt feels like a lifer at san Quentin and I nearly got killed by passing traffic.



Fan……tastic



So the bike is NOT an option. But in traditional Sooooper genius style Im gonna try and see this as …..forced cardio for the next two weeks.

Been a bit selfish lately on ma blog….been a bit on the ……ahma pissed off side while purging too….so I apologize for bein a buzz killer. Next rounds on me! Deal?

A friend o mine is struggling with an ex who has ……plenty of issues but I wanted to give up two pennies on the issue of guys and selfishness.

On the surface…..I don’t think most are gonna say being selfish is a coveted quality to have. Ya know? You would think that being selfless would be a more attractive feature for a guy to aspire.. Women all seem to want ……….a “good” man.

Wrong.

Preachers aren’t really high on the “boy that’s what I want” list. In fact bad boys, men with issues, and emotionally unavailable seem to attract a womans desires to fix……..nurture….or support something that’s obviously……..broken. AND impossible to domesticate. …………Enjoy. Lemme know how that fifth attempt with a cheater is goin…..sorry..thats wasn’t very nice.

In a mans world selfishness is …….well….viewed differently than they way women process “selfishness”.. Men applaud each other for being selfish.

Haha…….wait….what?

Trey you are ……NOT…. a sooooper genius.

Men compete with each other for jobs, women, faster cars and more toys. The selfish guy is the one able to beat his neighbor to the punch. If a man is not selfish……he will not achieve respect among other men. Think about it. That’s why men are self centered, and me me me. Men measure their success differently than a woman.

Would you want a man that …..

lets you wear the pants cause hes too lazy to take the wheel?

I LIKE being in the drivers seat and I don’t plan on giving up my dark side bad boy attitude. Cause Its kinda hard to make a woman feel safe and secure if your slackin on the couch all day watching football. Companion? FAIL.

Selfish men are TAUGHT to have control. Its expected that they cultivate it. Growing up …….boys are told “when you grow up you have to……”

Control the race car

Control the spaceship

Control the defense

Control the sale



If you DON’T…….then……you’re a loser.



Control control control.



Are ya feelin me yet? A man without this ability ….…..you DONT want. So we strive to be the best…..and first.

I don’t know of any man that will say second place …..or LAST….. is just fine. We don’t strive to be last. The bad news is men aren’t very good at giving up control… at home that’s a bad thing. A woman doesn’t want to be controlled. She wants a man who’s IN control.

Which I hope helps explain WHY men aren’t very cooperative when they hear a wife say. “Uh..…you’re married now…..the kids come first.”

A real man will step aside for his lover….and being selfless so your lover shines is …..sweet.

A boys fantasy life about being a grownup includes things like…. fighter pilot, professional baseball star, or lead guitarist ………regrettably these have nothing to do with taking out the trash or doing laundry. And we don’t dream about such an opportunity.



Im just sayin.



We don’t always get it. We don’t always know how to turn off the control we’ve spent years trying to perfect. In our world control is a good thing. At home …well……its not. When a dad is teaching his son how to fix the car he doesn’t stop and say “remember son…….be selfless”.

So….These same qualities men foster to be kings of manhood aren’t really the ones we need to …..

Be a great partner….

Watch the kids……

Tell you we spent $300…… on a new guitar…

I gotsta put this in here… cause theres no good place to put it. I realize theres a bunch o stuff in this blog……..sorry…but I absolutely effin hate explaining my thoughts live to someone and they say…..”I don’t believe any of that”……that happened today.. I basically outlined what this blog was about and after about five minutes I had some woman say “I don’t believe ANY of that”….. “that’s not true for EVERYBODY”…..



Uh……. yeah I know that you moron.



When I say “guys”……. I screwing realize im not taking into account



Some guy in Indonesia who cant read and never heard of diet coke…..

A blind American Indian in1563

And your OCD brother who weighs 142 pounds …….and is a pastor.



For a girl (Oh…no…… here comes another blanket generalization that doesn’t apply to everyone) I think aspiring to womanhood has a different set of ideas. So we definitely don’t see eye to eye. Money, kids, money, family time, sex, household responsibilities, and money. All are a great battlefield to fight over…..not the best idea when you consider we both need a partner not a roadblock.

Still……….these qualities are what make a man a successful beast in the forest. Lets face it…do you want to bag a rabbit or a bear?

As a side note. You LOVE the uniform? Be prepared. Any body trained to wear a gun and get shot at ……will not be emotionally friendly or available. And here you thought he was confident, self assured and a protector. In order to do that job you have to be a bit distant, disconnected, angry, controlling and in need of stress relief.. Hows that for a “man of your dreams” recipe?

In a world where men compete with each other…….we admire risk takers. A man not willing to take risks is …..well……folding laundry. Small laugh….. So go easy on us for being…..…not the brightest.

No pain ..no gain. Nothing ventured …..nothing gained. Pack leaders don’t……..sit on the porch. My exwife always wanted to flog me for not being around. I wanted a thank you for working so hard, killing dinner and bringing it home. I didn’t get it. I got a divorce instead ……..when I caught her on her second affair.

Ive learned a lot since then……balance makes a great partner. The love train doesn’t stop for people who cant look in the mirror ………and see why they cant get a ticket. Take a close look at why the love train doesn’t stop for you. Its worth it. Passage on the love train is NOT a right. It’s a privilege you earn when you have everything in place to give and receive……when the train comes through town. No bitter baggage allowed. No carry on jealousy.


Standin' on a hill in the mountain of dreams
Tellin' myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems



Bring it…………bring some love. Love is something two people create TOGETHER. It doesn’t……..arrive automatically by some guy who has the total package prewrapped for you to accept. Its not Premade, looking for you and waiting for you to just….receive it. …..if it meets with your approval. This is why there isn’t a round 8. Walls down and open arms. Sorry…….Tickets on the love train only come in pairs. I may be selfish but ……. sharing ma ticket? ……yeah I can do that. You comin or what?

Scorpion shoes, defriending and the LAST 2 months of punking.

Mad skills dude….the Fushizzle is in…….I like using ma past to benchmark the people around me……I see ……a lot….. good people….people in pain….fools…….mean folks…… I value what shoes others are wearin so I go out of my way to understand…… so I can help….if ah can. Not a bad plan except…....I never had a scorpion ask for help. Scorpions have….anuther agenda all togetha. I feel kinda stoopid trying to put on a scorpions shoes…….dude..what ARE you doin????....stop that….stop that right now please. Holding down a snake to change its stripes to polka dots …….well…isn’t the best plan either…….Dude….please stop that…. Kindu been under a dark cloud lately. But there is good news…. It doesn’t rain every day. Now I cant take credit here.

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.

My girl indeed.
I think lotsa folks keep asking…… why? Over…and over
“Why did this person treat me bad?”
“Why did I LET this person treat me bad?”

As if understanding the answer is the goal…..ya know?
If I could just figure out “why”……….then everything would be ok.
Well………..not zackly.
Understanding why won’t do you any good if you can’t answer the question.

“What are you going to do about it?”

If you don’t even ask the question why ….then ….just skip this blog all together cause you are doomed to be alone…..again….. Some folks could care less about “why” ….. but if your so self centered as to think its always the other persons fault then I have the bad taste to inform you that there is NO greedy section on the love train. The love train only seats people willing to give. So if your smart enough to figure out “why” then your closer to a ride. The answer to why wont fix the problem though…. You have to decide what your going to do about it.
but if your response is to do …..Nuthin…….then the whys aren’t worth a whole lot.

Understanding why people do what they do is……fun dawg. Daddy does love his crystal ball.

Implementing a solution is……..not easy.

Finding someone attractive is….easy…making a relationship work is….hard.

Saying you want to be loved is…….easy. Breaking down a wall you’ve spent thirty years building up is……hard.
Yes Trey …..you are a sooooper genius.

Cause finding out I gots a problem aint worth a dayuummm if I don’t plan on fixing the issue. So Ahma gunna finish up this string o ugly blogs by shedding some demons TODAY.
The girl from my other blog “slow cookin foreigner and the game winner” was defriended on facebook with good justifiable reason. And Here tis……

Mind you “Mailney” and I haven’t spoke in oh say….15 years.

On the first day of punking ….my true punk gave to me:

A facebook message that said:

Im sad, I need to talk to you.

I immediately typed back “Heres my number call me… You ok?”… two weeks go by. Count em….Two.

On the second week of punking….my true punk gave to me:

A facebook message that said:

I need to ask you SOMETHING.

I immediately typed back my number again said hope your ok. I also sent an email “Whats wrong?”

A week later I sent a second email.

…….Nothing………no response…NADA….Niente…el zilcho.

On the second MONTH of punking ….my true punk gave to me

A facebook message that said:

How are things in general?

I immediately typed back “what in the flying shit are you talking about? Is this what you had to ask me?” I found her phone number and called about 7 or 8 times in a two day period…...no one ever answered the phone.

Five days later I get a facebook message that said:

“Aren’t you concerned about Drew Carey?...Gosh the old Trey used to have a heart….”

……Im ………….…speechless

Today was not a good day to punk Trey. I hit the defriend button……. with pleasure.
I have no doubt we will meet again. And I do like to be prepared. It wont be pretty and I don’t care. Hopefully her husband will be there and I can offer my condolences. That’s the way Im built. I don’t do make up sex. If you piss me off I fight back with the intent to injure….not to amuse.….. Im always surprised when I see people dish it out …but when the counter punch comes they feign innocence and act like you’re the one who’s being rude.
I have to laugh because I DO say “I don’t start fights but Ill be happy to end it.

I used to be an easy target and ahm happy to say ……Ive learned my lesson……cool dude. The bones of past punkers that fill my closet….are going out with the trash. Gunna use the space for sumpin betta.

In ma world this is a wonderful example of how I made the right decision because everything was totally one sided. I was doing all the work. The first time I punked her though…after she did it to me FOR YEARS…...she got pissed. However it was perfectly acceptable for her to punk me without end. The same was true of “Tiny” in my last blog. Its ok for Trey to get punked without any end in sight…but the FIRST time Trey punks back ……well…..

With enemies like this ….who needs fake girlfriends?

I don’t doubt my own abilities but I have to seriously reconsider my chance of success in the mating arena when I have to ask the question “how long do you have to ignore a woman to get her attention?” When no means yes and yes means not really……my ability to reach you is severely crippled at best. Finding love? FAIL. Treys fault?? ….Not today……..the mirror is over there. Knock yourself out. The love trains still a rollin……still searchin for ma girl.

I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).

Bring it……...bring some sunshine. Cloudy days and rain are fine…..as long as they make you grow. I like the idea that I can learn from a bad experience. Figuring out your getting punked isn’t fun….but its one fine thing to discover by draggin it into the light…….but……doin something about it is what really counts. I know Im glad to put this all to bed. Whew!....ahm tarred!! Nitey Nite!

Gold, Brian Wilson, and the good bye

There is never a good time to say goodbye. I wish I could take credit here. But Brian Wilson said it best

I may not always love you
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
Ill make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without you

Lemme say the best loves in my world are also intense friendships. Even that, you will find, is far too rare for my liking. Powerful trust and comfort comes rarely on the open sea. But real love is based on more than what the adult world will offer both of us……So I ask you all to bring you’re A game to the table. Cause I want you well fed when I take your hand, put you in bed and snuggle up behind you in perfect comfort…..my arm wrapped around you …….making you safe and secure for the night.
Make peace in your world cause the reality on TV does NOT make me happy.
I think when you have entertainment in the form of COPS, addicted, Jerry Springer, Locked up, CSI, and repo man …..love has few friends in this world.
Life is not easy and apparently people enjoy seeing everyone else’s life in torment.
Im not happy bout that. Happy people make happy relationships.
TV shows, sales people, weight loss commercials, they all imitate love to get your attention. Sex sells. Still…. sex isn’t love. Don’t be fooled. It’s everywhere. And I don’t want you to settle for someone with a sales plan and a mask.
In the face of being marketed to….you will find a lot of people who will use you..…lie….embellish, fake and even put on an act to hide their ugliness …just to get you in bed. Keep your heart close. Its important that you know the difference between hamburger and steak. If you cant….go back to cooking school….. cuz your heart is going to hurt…….. Again. When you find something real….hold onto it with everything you have. Everyone seems to think the love train is just around the corner. Don’t fool yourself. Honestly, some people never see the love train again. So be ready.
My own history includes what I thought would be a good decision. I was wrong. True story. My own marriage devolved to the point that my wife once said to me “I wish you would hurry up and die like your dad should have done years ago”.
I know you’re under a lot of pressure. Work, health insurance, gas prices, car repairs, and food prices make it difficult to work on yourself because you’re managing life.
Think about it. None of that mattered in 8th grade…..did it?
That’s why 8th grade love is just the best. Hunt for that feeling inside yourself. Its done a lot for me.
In a world where money is king……love is only a stranger……nameless, faceless, and passing through.
But its rarity……makes it priceless……..keep your gold…….I’d rather have your hand.
Being wrapped up in real love feels like nothing else. And you know it. New clothes, a good meal, a good movie……just……satisfy for a moment….and that’s all.
You will not be able to cheat …. Lie …fake …or manipulate someone to get that feeling.. If you try to….you will fail……and I will be very sad. So don’t tell me if that’s your chosen path. Cause I cant follow you.

If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on
believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you

Bring it…….bring nothing. You have already given me much and I want the best for all of you. Keep your heart open. Trey Logan may not be a super genius but he does know the only thing you really have is what you make with someone else. I still have work to do but its worth it to find that love again. Love fail? PASS. I want you there with me when the love train comes to town. I have an extra ticket. So give me your hand and say “hold me”. Cause God only knows if I will ever see you again.

The reunion,The fight, and the milestone

I want you to read all of this blog…..Please....I have something to say at the end. First, I wanna thank all you girls for spending time here. That’s important to me. I’m coming up ona nuther milestone. Next week will mark a whole year of bloggin. Yeah dude…..cool. I think my experience is a lot like yours. Its therapy and entertainment……and I wish I could be doing it all in person with ya cuz I love that feeling that connection brings. I hope I’ve been able to give ya sumpin worthwhile over the last year…….cause you’ve been good to me…..And I’ve thought about all of you more than you will know.…... Now I can’t take credit here.

Now most every morning I
Stare out the window and I
Think about where you might be
I've written you letters
That I'd like to send
If you would just send one to me

For years I walked to school. Rain , snow, and summer mornings it was always an adventure. I would get there just as the doors were opening so the only person there was the custodian…….. and me. The halls…….totally silent at 7 in the morning. With all that free time you would think my grades would be top notch. I gotsta tell ya
They weren’t.
I never got much prodding to do well in school…..I spent ma time loving my classmates instead. We would “pitch quarters” ifn ya know what that means. Laughing and kidding around until the bell rang at 9:05.
Ya see. Life at home …..wasnt all that fun…so I really took (and still do) take stock in making friends…that was VERY important to me ( trey logan….you ARE…… a sooooper genius).
Jacks party was……. A perfect high skool memory. A summer nite. Loud music, innocent boozing, good friends, no schedule, no worries, no curfew. Indestructable youth at its peak…..…like all boys eventually…my manhood was tested that night. Like I said, School was not a strong suit for me so I’m still not sure I passed. I……….got into a fight.
Chad and I were going to take a spin in the fiat and some guy had me blocked in. I tried to get him to move a few times and waited. To my disbelief he came over and started rocking the car. What the $%&*?????
I am NOT an angry guy but ahm tellin ya.. I FLEW outta the car ….right up against this guys chest. He was ……alot taller than me.

“IFYOUTOUCHTHISCARAGAINIMGONNAKICKYOURASS!”

He swung at me and missed. I literally grabbed him and flipped him. When he stood up….. I immediately broke his nose.
The crowd broke it up. Trey Logan Fail? ….mmmm…..doesnt get ma vote this time.
That’s when……..Valerie was suddenly glued to my side for the rest of the night. What the S%&* is she doin?? Valerie??
Later that summer we all went tubing at Goshen pass. Another perfect summer memory. Valerie somehow ended up on my tube. This …is….weird….“Is she ok??” We splashed and played all afternoon. Youth, innocence and young love. Valerie and the moron on a big black cheerio agoin downriver. Pabst a chillin in warm river water.
Lemme say..…I’m not too bright. I miss alot of stuff. Im still that way.
When senior year started she ……..started coming in to school early. Really early…… like when I was the ONLY person there. …puzzled look….O……K.
It took nearly ALL of senior year until Whitney walks up to me…… point blank “Valerie wants to go to the prom.”

“Really? Who does she like?”

She stared……paused and said…….. “Trey not EVERY girl in school is after Chad”…….and walked off. I

I……fell……………hard.

The prom was more than perfect. Hotel Roanokes ballroom was perfect. Her cousins picture, Kylene Barker, Miss America is still there on the wall.
Of course you cant leave the prom and return. The principal stood at the front door to insure we weren’t having TOO much fun. In what may be the only good decision I have ever had…..a month before the prom …….I rented a room for that nite! All nite long we…..walked passed him at the front door …..and hit the elevator button. We smiled…..…he frowned…….By the end of the evening the room was FULL…..people coming an goin….I had NO clue who everyone was….but everyone was havin a great time!!!!! Eventually it was just the two of us…….
Senior week we did what everyone did…….went to myrtle beach for a week! Yeah dude….Cut off blue jeans and flip flops……..cheap sunglasses and cases of Boones farm. Days in the sun….nights in the surf……Could life get any better??? The summer was love and smiles….. effortless, unbreakable…unshakeable wholeness. Young love that consumes all that you are…………………………………..there is nothing else but that. And nothing…….nothing will ever feel THAT good……
College started in the fall. It took only a month before she ………left me for another.
My world……….stopped. Completely.
My soul….poured out on the floor
How do you live without eating ? without sleeping? Without love? Are you really living? Is this all there is? I……cant live without that …..and now its…..just ……. Gone.
Six months into her freshman year she was wearing an engagement ring……his dad owned a jewelry store or so I had heard.
Every five years I helped organize our class reunions.
Every five years she didn’t show.
No one knew where she was. When I say no one I mean …..NO ONE. Even on the internet…..…her name just……….disappeared.
Still…….I knew one day I would see her again. So I …….waited.
Our 20 year reunion was approaching and I was adamant that we have it at the hotel where we had the prom……thinking it would be romantic….again…
She would walk in…as beautiful as the day we met……her smile would tell me yes and I would give her anything ………and everything….….forever……….
I surfed the web for nearly a year thinking surely something will pop up……..
On the last page of a lengthy search I found it.







Her obituary.













She died just two years ago.







My heart









Broke…………

And I dropped to the floor.





No.





Please



Whywhywhywhy?

SomeonetellmeandtheanswerbetterbethebestdamnthingeverimnotkiddingcauseimnotgonnastopaskingtillsomeonetellsmeananswerthatmakesmewholeagainDOYOUHEARME!!!!?



The dust settles and

I was……..not done……







I still needed to see her.







I found her dad.
He lived several hours away.
I made the call.
Her stepmom answered.
I said.







My name is









Trey

You







Don’t







Know



Me

But







Can I come and



talk to you?





ValeriewasmyhighschoolsweetheartandIjustneedtoseeher





I made the drive.

When she opened the door I came apart.









She showed me pictures of the last 20 years. We spent the afternoon together and I confessed my love……and my pain.

When I left.











I was free.









Big smile……

Free



It would take nearly 24 years after our breakup before I would fall in love again. If you find it again…..you have to do everything you can to keep it. Promise me you will do that.

This is why…………………………I preach to you……. ….keep your heart open.

Because………. Im leaving you.

I’ve made a decision……..one that’s……… not pleasant. I’ve had to make sad choices in the past but that does not ease pain that loss brings…..and I am there……..again.

My next blog will be my last.

'Cause you left me
Just when I needed you most

Bring it……….bring some peace…..cause this is hard for me. You girls deserve alot and stopping by in YOUR world has made me smile more than you realize.

a lemon farmer, The last child, and a couple of bags of dirt

Oh dude…..I am READY. I am SO ready. O…..yeah. I am SOOO……wrong. I was …Not ready dude. I.’m losing you again aren’t I ???
Practice was great this Saturday. It was Sunday that I couldn’t move. I made the right choice though. This franchise has talent and my body is FEELIN it. As per usual. I missed the mark. Been training hard…...just not hard enough I guess. Sunday I could barely get around. I wrapped my left thigh, knee AND ankle and went back to bed. When I woke up my whole left leg was swollen. I looked like the Travelocity gnome with elephantitis.
Fan…….tastic.
I guess its time to raise ma A game. Either I underestimated my teammates or I was overconfident. Either way…… Ahm diggin deeper. Lemme say….. I can be underestimated too……small smile….Now I can’t take credit here.

Hate's in the city
And my love's in the meadow
Hands on the plow
And my feets in the ghetto

Ok….ah got schooled……pay attention Trey……No part of the plan included getting thrown from the horse…. Oh well ……back on the horse dude…lesson learned….. I do have more to learn but gunna survive... I’m a quick study so the next step is to haul ya back to the classroom…whether YOUR ready or not……...wry smile. Some things just do NOT go as planned…….last child indeed….
Getting by is one thing……livin is another. I was horrified once when my grandma told me she and my granddad always did JUST enough to get by ……and that was all.
Fan..…..tastic
I’m part Italian so it took a fair amount of restraint to garnish ma tongue. Because what I was thinking was “that explains why the family is worth a couple of bags of dirt……” Haha..….wait..….what?
Boy that’s not pretty. So the thought never left my lips. Bullet dodger mode fo sho…….I faired better than the time I caught her eating an ENTIRE box of Whitmans chocolate. Ya know those big sampler deals?? Getting by was a GREAT plan …….to get her a SECOND set of knee and hip replacements. Bright idea? FAIL.
I stared at her as she popped them one after another……stoopified …….. Blink….blink…
I casually said she SHOULD be exercising. Her enlightened response? “I work around the house.” I….raised my voice a bit….. “That’s LIFE grandma!….....thats NOT exercising.” When I realized she wasn’t listening to me AT all……… I went to the kitchen.
And came back with a beer.
I flopped down beside her and popped the top for effect. I licked my lips and took a long slurping satisfying guzzle. Gulp……gulp…….gulp…..Ahhhhhhhh.
I looked over
Gramma was staring at me.
“you really shouldn’t drink”.
“O gramma” I scoffed….”its never to early to pickle your liver or get another knee replaced….besides….I work around the house.”
She didn’t like that answer.
It wasn’t a proud Kodak family moment. Her with a 6000 calorie Whitman sampler and me with a Bud lite.

Hypocrites 2…….Communication 0.

Where was I?

Oh yeah

I think its easy to underestimate or undervalue whats important. (thanks ....Trey Logan..…you …….are a sooooper genius) In my world it happens a bit too much for my liking. Getting by aint a lot of fun when livin is really what youre after. I wish things were different……. Meh…….wishin don’t make it so……. Im sorry to say. Ifn I had ma way Id letcha get your wish. Personally Id be wishin for fewer lemons…..and to have your head on my chest.
I know too many people who are getting lemons from life far too often. It might be good for me to consider becoming a lemon farmer……You make the lemonade and we’ll be getting somewhere.
In football underestimating the defense is……..not a good idea. Be ready…...or be ready for pain. One thing you can count on…….the hits just KEEP comin…..till they get you down. SO I better plan on getting up ……..every play.
The love train doesn’t stop on the bad side of town often. When it does stop on easy street…its only there for a while so ya besta be ready!! So be prepared to wave as it goes by ..…..or make peace to find your own happiness. That’s the secret for two tickets to the gun show or a pass on the love train. But more than that……..
My stock as a man is measured by my ability to stand up when theres a storm. When things are good…love is easy…….its when things are tough that I need my character to be a rock….….for my lover. Cuz fair weather love wont last long.
I need to remember that.

I was a last child
Just a punk in the street

Bring it……..bring a better plan. Maybe together we can come up with sumpin that will make us both smile. I’d vote fuh that ma love. How bout the best defense is a good offense? I am SOOOOO ready. You playin or what?

Brass balls, New flowers, and love on the limit

Been reminiscing a bit with old high school friends (I say old….. but I don’t mean it). They’re still the best buncha hooligans goin. I still run into a few who say they hated that time…..…which baffles me but I guess I have to be more understanding cuz everyone didn’t have the same experience I did. Nowadays it seems the pressures of adulthood kinda put the kibosh on finding love on every street corner. Now I cant take credit here.

I have climbed the highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

My buddy Chad and I had a long history…....all of it good. There isn’t enough space on ma blog to tell ya all that we did in high school…..
But I remember one time…he picked me up…..all frantic…..excited…..nervous……”I gotta go see her man!.......I just gotta”
We were in high school and he was gaga over some college girl……. and the plan???....... Sneak on the all girls campus at night and get in her dorm. Haha...….wait……what?…
.blink….blink…..yeah….small smile…...no worries…..sure…....this will work……ARE YOU NUTS???”
I kid you not
He had a t shirt on that said “liquor in front poker in rear”….well…if you read that slowly it can mean two different things…..read that again…..
Needless to say…….its NOT the shirt you wear to woo a young maiden. So I took off my wrestling shirt and he put.it on while we drove. He was really nervous….not sure what to say…..perfect young love on the limit……cool dude.
We coasted in with the lights off so not to tip off security and off silently in the dark he went.
I sat in the car and waited…….and waited……..and……waited some more.

Until I see ……….the campus police cruiser…

O…..MANOMANOMANOMAN…..

I sink down in the seat and my body goes stiff.

O…..NONONONO……

Where in the $h*# is he?

Fan…..…tastic. Whatamigunnasay?

Hello officer I …..I…uh…ibba kay toona meffa slooty pooble…haha..slooty pooble?.....k? hehe you can believe that cant you officer?
I held my breath and it just ……..slowly went on by.
Ah couldn’t really be mad at Him. If anything I was happy and envious. Heck I was excited FOR him! Yeah dude….cool….those butterflies are just the best ya know?
THAT’S the feelin ahma huntin……just like the chills I get when I listen to “dream of the return” by Pat Metheny…. Warning…… do NOT down load this song unless you are prepared…….I work hard not to weep whenever I hear it. Seriously.
Justa letcha know…… round 3 emailed me. …..silence……..
It was a scathing attack that I had blown her off when she needed me and that I was NOT a knight in shining armor as she had thought…..I asked her if we could get together so I could clear the air because email just doesn’t do it for me. I got back several emails dodging my attempts to fix it……….so I sent this………


“I dont like it when i see someone take a step that distances them from what they really want.
I dont fight those people any more
I let them say the opposite of what they want, then give them what they ask for.
I DO "get you" ... dont you FEEL that???....and if you work hard at keeping me at a distance I wont try to stop you.......and these are the kinds of things that once they get ruined they dont get fixed.....
all you can do five years later is look back and say...i should have done things differently......
call me......”


well……I did ma best…..my phone stayed silent……. No butterflies today. Will there be another email? No dude…..said ma piece……big smile.
In the shadows I can barely make out a figure running full tilt toward the car ……..As Chad gets closer I can see him smiling…….and I did too. Today is a good day to have brass balls.
They’re relationship didn’t last but the memory of that evening was perfect. Looking back….I wouldn’t have done anything different.. Epic Trey logan FAIL?.......Not today.

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

Bring it……….bring it when your hearts open. Actually….small smile…..I put that on a card I sent with some flowers today…hehehe …met someone I thought was nice……..I don’t stay down for long so if your heart is closed…. I might just…....letcha go! My buddy Chad is……….gone. Buried before we were done. I……still have his memories with me and…….. he deserved a bit more …even after high school…reality rules…cheers Chad. I miss ya buddy and wish you were here so I could tell ya how the flowers go.