Thursday, August 20, 2009
The kiss, the test and a bridge to nowhere
We would try and meet on the bridge and stay……as long as we could. I can see the outline of her long hair in the dim moonlight and the touch of her lips makes me feel strong and whole far beyond any other mortal 13 year old boy. My hands hold her still, but she is so content and her submission makes her weak with need. I can see it…….feel it….from her eyes….she says nothing…..We kiss in silence…..slowly……we part…….letting go only from fingertips…each waiting for the other to break perfection. I walk back to the cabin until she is too far to hear and then break into a smiling run. Summer camp love lasts but a week. So theres like……NO time to argue about how much you spent on your hair. No meltdown about how much I wrote that check for. No grilling about why you’re making us late…….again. No reason to give me that look over my dirty shoes sitting at the door. No raising my voice over why I ALWAYS have to initiate sex……AND be on top. It’s about the love stupid. Now I cant take credit here.
Sometimes I feel like don’t have a partner
sometimes I feel like my only friend
By day the bridge is….well…..a bridge. 50 screaming kids trample it like a pack of wild animals from the pool to the dining hall. And yeah dude….. my initials are there too….At night its…...well..…a sacred place built for 2.
Now if I had met my ex wife on that bridge ……….I would have thrown her off it. No bridge would have ever been good enough for us to connect. Im not joking……this is a typical conversation.
Her can we get it in black?
Me black is fine.
Her why do you want it in black?
Me you said you wanted it in black…..
Her I never said black.
Me You just said “can we get it in black?”
Her no I didn’t… I said white. You always say black. I never said black
Her I want it in black
Me I thought you said you never wanted black
Her No you wanted it in white you just said white
Me No I didnt
Her I don’t want it in black
Me what color do you want?
Her You just said black and I said I wanted in it white.
Me what color do you want?
Im not joking. Its very hard for me to think randomly like that….to NOT make ANY sense is hard. After a few years I did a test. I had to practice out loud for days but I had pretend conversations where I tried to be serious and stay focused enough to just not make sense. At first I could get a few statements out and then I would mess up and make sense. After a week I was ready. It was hard not to blow it but it was priceless. It took her about two minutes into the conversation to get that something wasn’t quite right. I kept a straight face and never let on. She kept on with it. Both of us not making ANY sense. I finally ended the conversation and went outside to laugh my ass off. she never got it.
I don't ever wanna feel like I did that day
Take me to the place I love, take me all the way
Bring it……bring your sanity cause I have already not been what she told me it was…and I guarantee that this wont be the next time it doesn’t happen …...k?